everybody loves a train wreck -

at least that's what i was told. it wasn't meant as a negative response. but it made sense. moreso recently then at the time actually. (it was said in reference to my blog, just so ya know)

anyhow. i see that. maybe i've seen it for a long time, and just didn't notice. but i do now.

i also see that perhaps my life is a train wreck.... whether i allow it to get that way, or circumstances take me there. i have never been kept down. i have been derailed, even crushed like a penny left on the tracks at times. but i have always.... i do always.. put a shine back on and roll on down the tracks. i don't stay down for long. ever.

call it stubborn. call it inspiring. call it bullshit. i don't care.

but right now--- call me a bitch if you want to, but i've had enough.

enough of the --- well everything.

in my real life...and my blog life-- which y'all know-- is the same.
i don't throw bullshit around in either.

i can't shut down my life here in the real world---

but as for this blog --- i can. and i am.

i really have had enough of it. layin my blood, sweat, tears, and heart out on these pages--- only to be left in a daze when someone i don't even know says something off the wall. or worse-- someone i DO know-- says nothing at all... or even more challenging.

no need to wait for the collision here. because train wreck or not--- as always--- i'll get up and walk away, just like i have always done. setting my dented up little train back on the tracks.. and movin on down the road. a little bit stronger than i was before.

take care y'all....
it's been real-
or has it?

was it something i said????

i'm still busy, and still crabby. but i won't make y'all listen to it. i'm just jumpin in to say hi.
i hope everyone is ok out there.
lots of you are on my mind every day , but i'm not findin the time to get around the blogs lately.
the movers come on august 1st... we have to be all the way out of this house by the 7th. for some reason, i want to shoot for the fifth tho. will let ya know. but we will be sleepin at the new place by the first. but still cleanin up etc over here. that should just just take a day or two. but then we gotta figure out when to get the boat over there and some other stuff.
so-- i will let ya know.

anyhow--- here's a video --- i heard this on the car radio the other day ---
when i got home i had to check out the video. now when i wanna crybaby, i think about this song :)))

workin offa comment here cuz i'm thinkless

(charlottes comment yesterday)

I know only too well what you're going through....well, PART of what you're going through anyway. Moving when you don't feel good could turn Mother Theresa into a bitch.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

* hey there charlotte--- and whoever else is here - :))

i agree-- and i sooo don't feel good. even my friggin thighs have swollen muscle "frogs" in em. imagine my back and neck. i think even God would get mad if he felt this way.

it's strange that i spent my entire life at "home" moving all the time-- several times a year. then in the military-- every year or two. but since the pain and all started... it's just awful . i can't even say the things that go through my mind at times. and every day it just gets worse. 7, 8 , 9 hours a day of packing, sorting, cleaning, and then when i finally get to sit down or lay down or eat -- i'm expected to be sociable???
of course i'm not. i try, but i can't be. i just want to be quiet and rest. so what does it turn into ? i'm the big bad bitch.
really makes me want to continue killing myself with all this crap. not.
last night was the worst so far. both of the other souls-- guilted me, while i was in bed finally, after layin in there for half an hour wondering which dr. i should call today about this fuckin pain. but when i told soul-kid that i didn't feel like looking at school clothes on the computer---at like 9 p.m.--- ooooh, I was mommy dearest. even though, i offered to watch tv with her instead--she got mad and left with a rude comment.
i just couldn't turn my head five hundred times craning my neck to look at web sites and stuff as she pulled them up. never a compromise.

BUT-- it was just fine the other day-- on friday night-- after i'd been cooped up all week, or runnin errands , or sortin crap... she "wanted to spend time with dad" - so they went to a movie and hung out---- even though-- i actually wanted to go. that was real nice .
i can't say soulman didn't ask me along-- after he heard that i was not "allowed" to go... i of course declined the offer.
daddy daughter time is important , i know that.
but anyhow-- that's just the way it is i guess.
they had a good time, and that was good for them.

/////////////////////////////////////////////

C--
I'm glad I haven't had to do it too many times. Of course its a great way to clean house.

* you got that right-- too bad it'll be the cleanest it's been since we moved in... only to leave it :))
but-- we'll be moving into a clean house-- and i swear it better stay that way... just the thought of it gettin trashed like other homes we've had makes me ill.
do these people not realize that i am literally unable to do some things? many things? they don't. i have come to that conclusion. even though soulman couldn't be a bit better about taking care of me when i'm sick, or need that kind of help.... they just don't realize that i'm on disability for a reason. "they" don't pass out disability for ten years for a black eye. so WTF.
give a gal a break. that's what i say. well. that's what i think anyhow. i've really tried to stop whining about my pain. it's hard not to, especially when all i can take is aspirin -- which in turn, tears up my stomach --- ugh.
i guess that's why moving is so damn hard on me. i have no choice but to just do it. get it done. get it un-done. and go on.

lemmee give the guy some kudos here tho--- he really did help yesterday with a lot of the cleaning stuff.. he did dishes, and floors, and stuff like that-- as well as packing his dresser and closet stuff-- so it's not like he isn't doing anything. but i guess i'm just a bitch.
but when he began having pain, and losing some of his strength? he began hiring movers. for what he used to do himself; like moving furniture etc. SO, where's MY hired help? oh, i forgot-- that would be me.
(angie came to help me with the garage--- but technically--- wouldn't the garage-- be the man's job?)
her help was HUGE-- don't get me wrong. meeting her finally was a pure joy, too. i wouldn't trade any of it.
but all i'm sayin is... i'm gettin really angry ... and sore, right about now. and it really takes a lot of the fun of the new home out the whole thing. and that makes me sad.
so does a lot of other things right now. but i won't get into that stuff.
ugh.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

- C -
Can't wait to see your place once you get all settled in. Is it in the same school district?

* it is, but... there might be a problem with the school she goes to. it wasn't a problem in january when she asked her dad to get her into it-- a school not even all the way built yet--- but now that her friends are going to her other school-- she wants to go there too--- and she is just boilin that she may not get to. she's never satisfied. and this is something we may not be able to change. i would love to though. cuz if she goes to the same school--- she can ride the bus--- if she goes to the new school--- guess who gets to drive her???
oh yeah. lucky me.
////

-C-
Close to shopping?
* kind of-- not too far ..
close to grocery, and video---- but clothes etc is about three miles further.... which is maybe the entire distance of our move :)) (again)

////

-C-
In a subdivision or sort of off by itself?

* not a subdivision, but a neighborhood... and thank God, NO home owners association! they are horrible out here. we've had "weed tickets" for our lawn...and for parking the boat on the street here!" no more worries about that crap. we can get rid of our boat storage now--- which will make up the difference in the house payment. woo hoo.
/////
-C-

Closer to soul-man's work or farther away?

*just a little further.. not too bad.

-C-
You must provide your many fans with this info.

* my many fans. :))
well there ya have it. and more.
////////////////////////

-C-
Settle down...have some iced tea and relax for a bit. Things will look differently when you get some rest. Hugs. Love, Charlotte.

* i know things will be better and look different-- or vice versa -- soon. that's all that keeps me goin right now.

thanks charlotte----- HUGS back to you!

hoping you, and everyone else have happy days in your worlds today!

i open my mouth and the bitch falls out

howdy folks--

after several attempts at writing an actual post this morning-- i have given up. i claim defeat. i am blogless. i am an exhausted bitch. hear me roar.

i am even a stranger to myself-
i've gone psycho -
i give lectures to the soul clan-
i am obsessed with deadlines,
and all that needs to be done, and CLEANED.
all i can think about or do involves two homes.

be afraid. be very afraid.

i'm SUCH a bitch - they made a magazine about me !

y'all have happy , bitch free days. i'm bitch enough for all of us!

misc junk lettin ya know i'm still alive

i found this video on you tube the other day, this gal is funny.




and here's a meme type thing my sis sent over -- i was sposed to do it by email -- but i'm desperate for blog material so i'll put it here -- if you wanna do it, let us know so we can go see yours.. k?

1. Name something you use in the shower? soap

2. Name something a football player wears under his uniform? cup

3. Name something people hate to find on their windshield? bird shit

4. Something a man might buy before a date? breath mints

5. What is another word for blemish? pimple

6. What is something you cook in the microwave? popcorn

7.. Name a piece of furniture people need help moving? bed

8. Name a reason a younger man might like an older woman? she has a car , and she'll be more than happy to let him "drive" it. :))

9. Name something a dog does that embarrasses its owner? humps legs

10. Name a kind of test you cannot study for? IQ test

11. Name something a boy scout gets a badge for? fire making (where pyros are made :))

12. Name a phrase with the word "home" in it. " home is where the heart is"

13. Name a sport where players lose teeth. soccer

14. Name something a teacher can do to ruin a student's day. make em read a love note they passed, in front of the class out loud

15. Name the person that is least likely to respond? don't know

16. Name a bird you wouldn't want to eat? buzzard

17. Name something a person wears even if it has a hole in it? T-shirt

18. Name something that gets smaller the more you use it? chapstick

19. Name the person that is most likely to respond? don't know

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

so ---
have i mentioned the fact, that :

well, i DO --- i hate moving. i hate packing,
i hate all of it.

have i mentioned-
that i have reached THIS point?
if we had a bird, i would be her -
<---------
(soulkids room is gonna be the death of me.)
that, or the arguing about it.

to lighten up on things----
has anyone actually ever seen
THIS ???
<--------------------

Have you eaten it?
I've eaten some nasty stuff in the poor days,
BUT NEVER THAT.
i honestly think i would choose starvation above that THING.

ok folks , that's all i have time for, pitiful post, i know. but it beats a crybaby post -- which is what i could have easily done. so much to whine about , so little time. :))

happy weekends people!!! do everything i wanna do!!!!

i'm up nowwwwww..... sorta

and dammit i'm TIRED.

wth is wrong with me? i should be on my way out the door right this minute to start my business and stuff, but what AM i doing? well, other than writing this post....
nuthing. i got up over two hours ago --- after another up til all hours night -- and all i did was sit here and vegetate for prolly an hour. then when i started thinking about all i have to do today ... most of which is crap that i have put off for days already..... and i started to nod off. i'm tired ALL the time. it's gettin ridiculous. i'm up til God knows when, i sleep only a few hours at "night", take naps in the day, and accomplish nothing. can we say "w-o-r-t-h-l-e-s-s ?

ok... i'll stop.
closing went well the other day. no surprises. no hold-ups. and we paid a LOT less out of pocket than we thought we would. we didn't know all the money we had paid already would be deducted--- like... home inspection, the whatever money up front -i can't think of what it's called now.. the500.00 ... some other costs and fees, i don't know-- but about 2500.00 that we already paid out was deducted from our costs so we paid so little--- we went out for steak dinner that night !!

our real estate lady sold a house to some folks from arkansas right before she saw us that day, and they had been professionally moved --- she told them we would be more than happy to take their boxes off their hands --- and we are-- so we will be gettin those tonight--- tons of em. plus packing paper and frame boxes. i'm so happy i don't have to go trash diggin for boxes !!!!


maybe, just maybe, i can motivate enough to pack a little at a time. we have nearly a month to do it in. but the thought still overwhelms me.
baby steps...baby steps.... ugh.

ok folks... i best get offa my arse , lest i fall asleep --- i really do need to get my outside business done-- so i can get to workin on this house!

hope y'all are well and happy in your worlds today---
catch up with ya later

today's the day ----- plus my shadow pix-- forgot to post em earlier --

mornin folks-- well, sorta. i reckon it's mornin to me. well, that , or bedtime. it used to be i was goin to bed at this time, now i'm wakin up. will i ever get it right? i guess not. prolly part of gettin old maybe. i remember when i was younger , and i'd stay with my "aunt and uncle P." they were cousins, i just don't really know how-- they were old as my gramma. but man that lady could make the best chicken - n- dumplins you ever ate! anyhow. uncle P- he would be up all night all the time . me and my sis found him asleep nekkid in his chair one night we laughed about that for years and years. poor fella died in that chair. fell asleep watchin tv one night, and it caught on fire-- the old tube type tv set. i guess he never knew what happened. anyhow, it was fun to go there as kids. what's weird about it is , to this day , i can't remember if his wife died in the fire or not.
one time, us kids climbed up in their plumb tree and ate every last plumb off of it. we got in trouble for it too. she was a jelly/jam maker.. but not that time. no fruit for the makin. oops. one time my cousin threw a barbie doll at my brother too.. but he missed, and hit my mom right in the boob! she didn't appreciate that much. then there was the time we thought it would be cool to dig tunnels in her back yard--- her entire back yard--- how were we to know she had just planted a garden?

ahhhhhh the good ole days. i guess they were kinda like grandparents, more than aunt and uncle. we called their son , who was old as our mom, uncle too, and his son, of course cousin. i don't know how the whole dynamic worked there. i don't even know if it was a blood kin kinda thing. i just remember being happy there.
then one day it all just stopped. not sure if it was cuz he died... or if "dear gran gran gran " pissed em off, and we all got black balled. that happened a lot. back in those days. my mom would just cross that line and push someone too far, and we weren't welcome there anymore. even my own gramma... went years without seein any of her side of the family. i still see very very little of them.

so. i bet y'all are wonderin where i'm goin with all of this, right? well... today, we head to the closing table. it's been so long since we bought a house i really don't even know what to expect. well, aside from handing over just about every dime we have struggled to save over the last few months. which wasn't very easy, as at the same time we were paying off debts too. i never thought i could be so diciplined to do what i've done with our budget this last few months... but i've done it-- and i've been hitler around here with the others as much as i could be about them squandering money too. haha, maybe that's why i gained all this damned weight i did--- for whatever reason-- however it happened-- cuz if all this scrimpin and savin, woulda been goin on with me at 120 pounds-- i prolly woulda shrivelled up and croaked. :))
maybe now i can lose my weight. stress, sometimes will make ya gain weight wether ya eat a lot or not. either way, it's about to drive me crazy. so i hope i can lose some of it. ok a lot of it.

we did a final walk through of the house yesterday. we still love it. we still imagine soulkids kids runnin around the place. (hopefully years from now ). we were trying to decorate in our minds where this or that would go in there. what would we have to buy. where would the dog crates go. all that kinda stuff. i had to ask the lady how i could keep the flowers and grass alive. cuz i know i'll kill every bit of the lawn and flower beds. i got some good tips-- but i know i'll have to get some books on that subject. i can barely keep a plastic plant alive!!!

anyhow -- i'm hoping this sleep and non sleep mess i've gotten into lately is all stress related , and after the closing i will relax some, and get back on a normal-- well, for me -- sleep pattern.

i have so much crap to do. as far as packing, cleaning.. like deep cleaning for a deposit refund. separating from what to keep out and , what to store, and what to donate, or sell. i really think i'm gonna pack my jewelry , and sentimental stuff and hire someone to pack the rest. my back just can't take it. if soulkid won't motivate-- i'll donate ALL of her shit.. and she can start over-- except for her jewelry. and soulman , well it's up to him. he knows his options . but i am not gonna be stressed out and responsible for their stuff on top of everything else. it's makin me wanna run away until they have everything done and over at the other house! believe it or not-- they do function pretty well without me.. it's when i'm here that they they just wait for me to do it. BAH. i used to do it all just fine til a few years ago. like take care of the house, and moving etc. i just can't anymore, not mentally , or especially physically.


well hell, i sure didn't mean for this to become a rant. i'm happy that everything went through. i can't believe it did, to be honest. and i can't believe the deal we got. in a good -- or better/normal.. whatever.. economy... this house will prolly appraise near 180-200,000 -- that's a ton of equity , compared to what we're startin with. i wonder how long it will be before all this economy crap turns around?? if ever. cuz ya know we got a VA loan with no money down. all we are payin is like 40 percent of closing costs. i don't even know how much that is YET. the day OF closing and we don't know how much to bring to closing. the good faith estimate "changed", but we don't know by how much. just that "we need more monies". isn't that special? i hope we have enough. we don't even know what made it change. i know nothing about buying a house. i just go with the flow. all i did was agree or disagree til i liked a house. and paid down bills, and saved as much money as i could. which took a lot of stashing and deception on my part-- we can't afford it-- we don't have it-- we're broke-- that kinda thing. but it worked. well, for the most part. we'd have more, if some small hands weren't always stuck out for "stuff" . but daddy i need it.-- even after i already said NO. he didn't know. so he'd get sucked right in and buy the little princess , mostly, whatever she "needed". he's learning tho.

well anyhow-- i expect yet another drag my ass day. hopefully after we close, and i know how we sit financially, and homeworthy, and all that... we can get on with things. cuz for now , i am suffering from severe overwhelmation, and i cannot focus.

maybe now i can say it and finally mean it---

i am NEVER MOVING AGAIN AFTER THIS!!!!!!

happy whatever the hell day it is.
i haven't kept my days straight all week.
yesterday i thought it was saturday the 13th, then the other day i thought it was friday but it was saturday.
i just may lose what's left of my mind before this is all over with.

PLUS i think i need to have a yardsale. the more i look around the more i see that i don't wanna pack, move, or screw around with.

i also think we are gonna take a real live vacation after we get moved in. before school starts. we've been talkin about it. we're all a bunch of witches around here. moving is really hard on all of us in one way or another. always has been. if we end up without time or money to go somewhere before school starts we'll plan on spring break. but i certainly see a vacation in sight. in 17 years we have had 2 real family vacations. that's not nearly enough. i wonder where we will go.
california? new york? galviston? san antonio? (again)... i wanna go tubin again...i think that was austin but hell i don't know. but i heard the water was low right now.
soulkid hates fishin, so any of the good lakes she wouldn't want to go to. soooo, we're talkin.

ok.. i'm gettin crosseyed and makin no sense prolly. my mind is a plate of scrambled eggs right now. i'm tired, and have a million things on my mind.

i will let y'all know how things go today later on.

chow peeps

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

i almost-- ok, i did forget--- my shadow pix ---- they were sposed to be up on saturday-- oops!

why whine? it's what i do :))

howdy folks---
i know, i was sposed to have my photo challenge pix up today. early today. but i was late. then i planned on havin em on by dinner time-- but what was i doin at dinner time? yep -- sleepin. i was up ALL night last night... to top off the whole week of scrounging for paperwork of this type or that. then i had to head out out to dallas for more business. y'all just know how i love that trip. i absolutely hate going there.
on the bright side-- what i thought would take about six hours-- took only about two and a half. so it wasn't all bad. but as soon as i got home , i shoveled some grub down my throat and went to bed. i was exhausted. one more domino down.


now i'm up -- since about 8.. yes i am a sloth.
and now i'm gonna eat some wings and watch UFC, and prolly go back to bed after that. if i'm lucky.

if y'all can give me a break due to circumstances, i'll try (no more promises donna ;)) -
to get my shadow pix up tomorrow. i really did mean to do it this afternoon. i was just beat when i got home.

anyhow-- happy friday nights to y;all... have fun-

gotta go beat the the heat -

just a quick check in post -- at sophies request. can't let her day be without sunshine. altho, she can take some of ours. good lawd it's hot.

anyhow. i have lotsa runnin around i need to do today, and i sure don't wanna wait til it's 100 degrees to do it. so i'm gonna hit the road while i can at least touch the steering wheel.

after that? it's packin and cleanin for this ole gal. the kitchen is almost packed. hubby did most of it. i need to pack my roosters and nik naks, etc...and the big stuff.

if anyone around here needs a stove or a microwave we aint movin em.. they'll be goin cheap! (the stove has spent more time stored than used btw)

anyhow-- i obviously don't and haven't had much to say lately. the house stuff.. and other stuff.. is time consuming. after the move i'll prolly be around more.

speaking of the house-- it appraised above what we're payin for it-- so hopefully the rest will slide on through-- but it's still a lot of hurry up and wait. we need this or that-- so it takes time to find what they want-- then for them to do what they do-- then wait some more. and that's where we're at right now... waitin again.
will let ya know when we hear somethin solid.

happy humpday folks.

the happiest place on earth ???

holy crap. have y'all heard about this story yet?? it was prolly the first thing i saw online this morning. it took a while to find this video clip. after a while, i began to think it may have been taken away by police or something, but i finally found it.
how crazy. this was taken right after the crash, it looks like there's only one employee there, and a bunch of rattled regular people. no officials yet.
i bet some of those folks will never go back--especially the younger kids... how scary for the little kids. leave a fireworks show and crash on the monorail? then end up with a dead driver. damn. sounds like a day in soul- world... not disneyworld .

anyhow - it's obvious the dude who took the clip wasted NO time selling it-- it already has a commercial in the beginning.

http://www.clickorlando.com/video/19956043/

click the link , it'll take you to the video.

so. i spose i should move on to other things. i haven't cruised around much yet today. it was late by the time any of us got to sleep here, which meant -- even I slept til 10 a.m. might sound good for a minute-- but when ya fall asleep at 3 a.m, it's about average for most.

anyhow--- yesterday; i was hell bent on the family goin to watch fireworks--- somewhere. i bet i spent over an hour trying to find a place that we wouldn't have to drive an hour or two to get to. i finally found a place that was only about 15 or 20 minutes away. they seemed to have a lot goin on, so that's where i picked for us to go. it was also held at a park that we have fished at a few times, and i knew the rest of the soul-clan would do nothing but complain about the heat after the first twenty minutes; so i went out there at like 230 or so. the way they had it written up in the website and online, i thought it was gonna be wall to wall people. well. there were a lot of people... but they were smart enough to not come out til the sun went down. we could have waited til 8 or 9 o'clock and still sat in the same perfect spot we had. that i smoltered in for HOURS. like i said... i had thought i would fish , etc. did i? sure i did. for about ten minutes. the sun was blazin hot, and all the shade was too far from the water to fish from it. so i just people watched-- and got ate by ants and mosquitos. i also watched several children abuse ducks. i wanted to throw rocks at them but there weren't any. at the kids--- not the ducks. i'm not much into the people watchin thing. well i am.... when i'm actually around people, but most of you know-- that isn't very often. especially lately. as in like the last year . longer than that, but this last year things have gotten bad again.
anyways. it amazed me how many kids can be mean to animals. so what if they're just ducks and pigeons? they have feelings too. and kids were stomping and yelling at them, and throwin stuff at them. it was just strange. and i noticed the kids in groups...like if there were 3 or 4 kids... only one would do this stuff and the others kinda separated themselves from it. they would walk ten or twenty feet away and do something different, not even looking at the other kid scare the animals.
that part made me think of other human behaviours ; like when older kids are in a bad situation.. like around drugs or something-- many will just get outta there-- move away-- leave-- go to the other side of the room or leave the place alltogether.
at least some do. anyhow -- just the psychologist in me i guess. it was interesting. and also irritating.

anyhow--- the rest of my family appeared there to meet me between 630 and 7. maybe 630-ish. BOTH of them were whining about the heat , and being uncomfortable within the first half hour they were there. i tried to just bite my tongue, and not make it about me. and y'all would be proud. i think i did good. later on i even managed to pull some sympathy out of me for them. even though.... oh nevermind. they brought me ribs. and i was starving to death.

the fireworks show really was amazing. it lasted short of a half hour. i really think that's the longest show i have maybe ever seen. it was great. and they were set off to music. soulkid really enjoyed it. at least that part. the whole other time... it was.. when are they gonna do the fire works??? every ten minutes. soulman wasn't quite as bad-- but he ran a close second. thank God they had a live band playing--- i can only imagine how bored they'd have been if we were sittin in the heat in silence.

we decided we'd go next year--- but we also decided we won't go so early. especially me. no no no no. i think i baked my brain a bit.

hope y'all had fun... no hangovers? no tigers in the bathroom, or missing teeth? :))
( you'd only get that if you saw the movie--sorry)

you gotta see the movie. hangover. it's great

and i am outta heah

have fun and be safe today kids !

this is too funny --- i wouldn't recommend it though. it could lead to divorce, or death by resentment :))

happy 4th peeps-

passin along a message ---

"Golden To Silver Val" AKA "Charlotte" asked me if i would pass it along to y'all that her computer had crashed today, and that she most likely won't be around until she can replace it.
of course, i said it would not be a problem... so here i am tellin y'all that she is ok, just blogless for a while.

we'll miss ya Charlotte !

(see? even MY computer is screwin around without you!)

OMG It's Billy Idol @ MY White Wedding

BILLY IDOL !?

see what i mean? same lip thang
goin on there. you should see me when i really try to do it.
BUT i have never once noticed
i had that look in my Wedding Picture! i LMAO when i noticed
it last night.

my "idol smile" makes soulman crack-up every time i "try" to do it ... but him laughing makes it almost impossible for me cuz it makes me laugh too. but at least it's an easy way to get us laughin. Lord knows we could use some of that around here.... so i think i'll sneak one in on him today. it's when he knows i'm tryin that i can't do it. :))

so anyhow, i'm gonna work on packin up my dishes and kitchen stuff today. a little premature maybe, but i can't have dishwashing, and messy kitchens be takin up all my packing time and energy. so gettin that out of the way first will leave me more time and energy and less stress, and recovery time for the rest of the place. paper plates and Styrofoam cups are the best inventions ever discovered !!

when we-- my siblings and i -- were younger -- beginning when i was like 9 til i was about seventeen -- the older two were gone by then, but my mom had this older couple that were friends of hers. earlier on, we thought they were "old" , i think they may have been in their late sixties or so. early sixties maybe. more likely. but anyhow. our mom would always.. always.. whether we ate there, or stayed there, or just visited for an hour... would make me , and my sister -- if she was there.. if not- it would be just me. but that lady's kitchen became OUR duty. or MY duty after my sis was gone. it was a nightmare. by that time, we had never seen a kitchen look so bad. days of dirty dishes, and splatter, and mess. it was just horrible. it was a much bigger chore than either of us would ever expect from kids at the ages we were at that time... 9 and 12. we vowed we would never have our kitchens look that way.
well... they never did. UNTIL ... well... what can i say---- once i had my first major crackup , i think the kitchen was the first to go. and here, years later, it seems to still be the easiest to ignore. it is like walking right back into HB's kitchen. the kitchen from hell. the place we never wanted to go cuz we knew what awaited us, but also knew if we didn't go-- we might not eat that day-- or might not have a place to stay. but here, there is no reward... except maybe a day of a clean kitchen. the next day? it explodes again and i just want to close my eyes and make it go away.
well, it's clean now. every dish -- just about -- is washed and ready to go. and go they will.
so now you know where my kitchen resentment and deep dish washing hate came from. child abuse and neglect. hahahahaha. i can laugh about it , but only when my kitchen is clean. when it's a shithole -- i just want to throw stuff in the trash. as some of you know is an expensive thing to do--- so "don't try this at home". :))

oh, a few posts back, in my dr whinefest post... a lot of you asked about a nurse-- i only mentioned it in the comments, and meant to bring it over here, but-- well, i forgot. { but yes, there actually WAS a nurse in the room at pain management hell... she was robotic, silent, and useless. all she did was stand and write what he told her to write.
(did he have a single word to write about my "breast exam?" -- OR THAT he DID one??? NOPE. ) }
--
but, something i haven't mentioned? ironically , the next day, the neuro dr's office called me... i was thinkin at first it might have somethin to do with that awful visit-- or that i walked out of it. but it was about my labs they did -- which were all fine-- no lupus, no sojourners' ... which is good... but i still wonder, WTH is wrong with me now. but while i had her on the phone, i did tell her about the visit with the other dr. she seemed quite surprised, and told me she was writing everything i was saying down and would give it to my dr and let him know. BUT i haven't heard from him, her, or anyone else since then.. so-- who knows.
hubby and i have talked about my next move in this pain dilemma of mine. i think i'm gonna go back to the dr that gave me the shots in my neck. even tho my neuro dr said he didn't think they would work-- which is why i didn't go back for the second one. it is said that it sometimes may take three or more to begin to relieve pain when it's bad enough. but when he said it wouldn't work-- i saw money being thrown away-- so i cancelled the appointment. well, while i was at pain management hell-- that dr told me that my dr didn't think that dr (the one who gave me the shots) got the diagnosis right---the cervical radiculopathy. . ummm well excuse me, that is the only diagnosis i have got that explains ANY of this nerve pain and crap at all.
so i think he has it right and i'm gonna go back. guess i'll take it from there.

and as for today , aside from packing my kitchen, i am goin to a giant yard sale down the road soon. i don't even know if i remember the last time i went to one. but hubbby came home yesterday telling me of " a giant basket " he saw at a yardsale. he was like-- i don't know what you'd do with it but... i was like SHOES!!!!! i want it for shoes!!! because everyone comes in and tosses shoes all over the place. in new mexico-- i had a wicker old bassinet i used for shoes.. worked out pretty well. and this is a nice basket. i'll show y'all a pic later. it's huge. monstrous. where the hell am i gonna put it? haha.

ok, so i'm gonna go. another day without a headache. at least for now--- hope it lasts. yippee.

hope y'all have really good weekends--- don't have any big plans for the 4th-- do you?

me and julio down by the schoolyard :))

y'all know you love that song!!! :)) and i know you will have it in your head all day long. unfortunately, so will i.

anyhow, it makes me smile. don't ask me why, it just does.

so. smocha emailed me a couple of my wedding pix. how kind . now i don't have to endure the time to dig up vimeo passwords, and y'all don't have to endure the video i made on our 15th anniversary. altho.. it wasn't bad. just kinda long.
so, here's our wedding day 17 years ago. my my how we change eh?



it honestly was one of the happiest days of my life. the only thing comparable is seeing my children for the first time. i can't think of any three happier days. i'm sure they exist --- somewhere in the recesses of my senile mind.

so. what now? oh. a couple of you asked if we did anything for our anniversary. the word "romantic" was even mentioned. HAHAHAHA!!! what's that mean?
we DID almost forget all about it. just like mary almost did. just too much stuff goin on. no cards, no plans, no nuthin. i woke up first-- as usual. i was sittin in my office-- working on my bank account -- some of you know i do that almost daily-- i think it may be an OCD thing. i'm not sure. i do it obsessively. anyhow, i'm in here payin bills, checkin balances, etc. when soulman wakes up, and does his usual thing on a day off--- sits in the livin room and turns on the boob tube. (after comin in here with a good mornin kiss-- neither of us mention our anniversary).
i think at least a half hour passed, when he says--- "it's july 1st." --- no significance to our AV -- more of a countdown to closing and moving into our new house.
that's when i say -- " i KNOW, it's our anniversary!"
we were both like "oh crap!" --
it was kind of funny, because we had both been thinking about it a couple days before-- but there we were the morning of-- and not a thought of it--yet.
we laughed about that-- had a AV hug and kiss, talked a few minutes, and sort of just went back to what we were doing before.
bad thing? or two? by the time i finished with the bills and crap--- i had another damn migraine. it had been trying to get me all morning, but it was now finally full blown. i still hadn't picked up my refill of imitrex. soulkid woke up with the idea that we were going to the mall immediately-- i did tell her that we would go-- but how was i to know i would feel like that?? of course i didn't. when i told her i wasn't sure yet, because i had a bad headache-- she had some remark... and soulman jumped in on her... and things got out of hand. so i went to my room, shut the door, and locked the world away. when things settled down he went and got my rx, and mowed the lawn. :)) while soulkid sulked thinking her world had ended.
it took several hours for my headache to ease up-- which is unusual with imitrex-- it usually works very well. but when i got up-- everything and everyone was in better moods, and soulman asked if i wanted to go to a movie-- if not, he would take soulkid to the mall. i said i would go. so we all went to the mall -- i waited in the car though -- they were in there for about half an hour or so-- but that was half an hour i wasn't about to spend in there feeling bad. not AS bad, but not great either.
so we ended up goin to one of those restraunt -- i can NEVER spell that word--
theaters and watched "hangover". OMG we laughed. that is a hilarious movie.
after that , we came home, and again all went our seperate ways-- me to my office-- soulman to his x-box live, and soulkid to her phone.
if that is romance, after 17 years... it was fine by me.
but i'll take a raincheck, for a day we don't have soulkid, and a migraine. or an x-box.
it may be a couple years, but someday she'll go to college, he'll outgrow the xbox, and perhaps, if i'm lucky, they'll find a cure for "soul-syndrome". :))

ok-- i gots to go-- believe it or not, i don't feel too awful crappy at the moment-- so i best take advantage of that and get some work done.

hope you all are happy in your worlds today--

four score and seven years ago - -

oops, not. that's eighty seven years .... what i meant was,

Seventeen years ago - -



on this very same day.. well, i think it was a saturday, but it was for sure this date. July 1ST, 1992 . i got myself hitched. yep, to my soulman.
did i have doubts? nah. i think i knew very soon after we met that he was "the one". i think he knew that too.
but did i "see" us this far down the road? i don't think so. we talked of growing old together, and we made future plans, spoke of when soulkid would go to college. but actually feeling or seeing it, i think i was a more "in the moment" type of person. maybe i still am. or not. but either way, here we are. still married. and not one night away from each other in anger.
we have been through a lot together. we have suffered, we have laughed, we have cried, we have loved, we have lost, and we have gained. whatever it was we had to face over these years though, we have done it together.

Happy 17th anniversary soulman!