the happiest place on earth ???

holy crap. have y'all heard about this story yet?? it was prolly the first thing i saw online this morning. it took a while to find this video clip. after a while, i began to think it may have been taken away by police or something, but i finally found it.
how crazy. this was taken right after the crash, it looks like there's only one employee there, and a bunch of rattled regular people. no officials yet.
i bet some of those folks will never go back--especially the younger kids... how scary for the little kids. leave a fireworks show and crash on the monorail? then end up with a dead driver. damn. sounds like a day in soul- world... not disneyworld .

anyhow - it's obvious the dude who took the clip wasted NO time selling it-- it already has a commercial in the beginning.

http://www.clickorlando.com/video/19956043/

click the link , it'll take you to the video.

so. i spose i should move on to other things. i haven't cruised around much yet today. it was late by the time any of us got to sleep here, which meant -- even I slept til 10 a.m. might sound good for a minute-- but when ya fall asleep at 3 a.m, it's about average for most.

anyhow--- yesterday; i was hell bent on the family goin to watch fireworks--- somewhere. i bet i spent over an hour trying to find a place that we wouldn't have to drive an hour or two to get to. i finally found a place that was only about 15 or 20 minutes away. they seemed to have a lot goin on, so that's where i picked for us to go. it was also held at a park that we have fished at a few times, and i knew the rest of the soul-clan would do nothing but complain about the heat after the first twenty minutes; so i went out there at like 230 or so. the way they had it written up in the website and online, i thought it was gonna be wall to wall people. well. there were a lot of people... but they were smart enough to not come out til the sun went down. we could have waited til 8 or 9 o'clock and still sat in the same perfect spot we had. that i smoltered in for HOURS. like i said... i had thought i would fish , etc. did i? sure i did. for about ten minutes. the sun was blazin hot, and all the shade was too far from the water to fish from it. so i just people watched-- and got ate by ants and mosquitos. i also watched several children abuse ducks. i wanted to throw rocks at them but there weren't any. at the kids--- not the ducks. i'm not much into the people watchin thing. well i am.... when i'm actually around people, but most of you know-- that isn't very often. especially lately. as in like the last year . longer than that, but this last year things have gotten bad again.
anyways. it amazed me how many kids can be mean to animals. so what if they're just ducks and pigeons? they have feelings too. and kids were stomping and yelling at them, and throwin stuff at them. it was just strange. and i noticed the kids in groups...like if there were 3 or 4 kids... only one would do this stuff and the others kinda separated themselves from it. they would walk ten or twenty feet away and do something different, not even looking at the other kid scare the animals.
that part made me think of other human behaviours ; like when older kids are in a bad situation.. like around drugs or something-- many will just get outta there-- move away-- leave-- go to the other side of the room or leave the place alltogether.
at least some do. anyhow -- just the psychologist in me i guess. it was interesting. and also irritating.

anyhow--- the rest of my family appeared there to meet me between 630 and 7. maybe 630-ish. BOTH of them were whining about the heat , and being uncomfortable within the first half hour they were there. i tried to just bite my tongue, and not make it about me. and y'all would be proud. i think i did good. later on i even managed to pull some sympathy out of me for them. even though.... oh nevermind. they brought me ribs. and i was starving to death.

the fireworks show really was amazing. it lasted short of a half hour. i really think that's the longest show i have maybe ever seen. it was great. and they were set off to music. soulkid really enjoyed it. at least that part. the whole other time... it was.. when are they gonna do the fire works??? every ten minutes. soulman wasn't quite as bad-- but he ran a close second. thank God they had a live band playing--- i can only imagine how bored they'd have been if we were sittin in the heat in silence.

we decided we'd go next year--- but we also decided we won't go so early. especially me. no no no no. i think i baked my brain a bit.

hope y'all had fun... no hangovers? no tigers in the bathroom, or missing teeth? :))
( you'd only get that if you saw the movie--sorry)

you gotta see the movie. hangover. it's great

and i am outta heah

have fun and be safe today kids !

this is too funny --- i wouldn't recommend it though. it could lead to divorce, or death by resentment :))

happy 4th peeps-

passin along a message ---

"Golden To Silver Val" AKA "Charlotte" asked me if i would pass it along to y'all that her computer had crashed today, and that she most likely won't be around until she can replace it.
of course, i said it would not be a problem... so here i am tellin y'all that she is ok, just blogless for a while.

we'll miss ya Charlotte !

(see? even MY computer is screwin around without you!)

OMG It's Billy Idol @ MY White Wedding

BILLY IDOL !?

see what i mean? same lip thang
goin on there. you should see me when i really try to do it.
BUT i have never once noticed
i had that look in my Wedding Picture! i LMAO when i noticed
it last night.

my "idol smile" makes soulman crack-up every time i "try" to do it ... but him laughing makes it almost impossible for me cuz it makes me laugh too. but at least it's an easy way to get us laughin. Lord knows we could use some of that around here.... so i think i'll sneak one in on him today. it's when he knows i'm tryin that i can't do it. :))

so anyhow, i'm gonna work on packin up my dishes and kitchen stuff today. a little premature maybe, but i can't have dishwashing, and messy kitchens be takin up all my packing time and energy. so gettin that out of the way first will leave me more time and energy and less stress, and recovery time for the rest of the place. paper plates and Styrofoam cups are the best inventions ever discovered !!

when we-- my siblings and i -- were younger -- beginning when i was like 9 til i was about seventeen -- the older two were gone by then, but my mom had this older couple that were friends of hers. earlier on, we thought they were "old" , i think they may have been in their late sixties or so. early sixties maybe. more likely. but anyhow. our mom would always.. always.. whether we ate there, or stayed there, or just visited for an hour... would make me , and my sister -- if she was there.. if not- it would be just me. but that lady's kitchen became OUR duty. or MY duty after my sis was gone. it was a nightmare. by that time, we had never seen a kitchen look so bad. days of dirty dishes, and splatter, and mess. it was just horrible. it was a much bigger chore than either of us would ever expect from kids at the ages we were at that time... 9 and 12. we vowed we would never have our kitchens look that way.
well... they never did. UNTIL ... well... what can i say---- once i had my first major crackup , i think the kitchen was the first to go. and here, years later, it seems to still be the easiest to ignore. it is like walking right back into HB's kitchen. the kitchen from hell. the place we never wanted to go cuz we knew what awaited us, but also knew if we didn't go-- we might not eat that day-- or might not have a place to stay. but here, there is no reward... except maybe a day of a clean kitchen. the next day? it explodes again and i just want to close my eyes and make it go away.
well, it's clean now. every dish -- just about -- is washed and ready to go. and go they will.
so now you know where my kitchen resentment and deep dish washing hate came from. child abuse and neglect. hahahahaha. i can laugh about it , but only when my kitchen is clean. when it's a shithole -- i just want to throw stuff in the trash. as some of you know is an expensive thing to do--- so "don't try this at home". :))

oh, a few posts back, in my dr whinefest post... a lot of you asked about a nurse-- i only mentioned it in the comments, and meant to bring it over here, but-- well, i forgot. { but yes, there actually WAS a nurse in the room at pain management hell... she was robotic, silent, and useless. all she did was stand and write what he told her to write.
(did he have a single word to write about my "breast exam?" -- OR THAT he DID one??? NOPE. ) }
--
but, something i haven't mentioned? ironically , the next day, the neuro dr's office called me... i was thinkin at first it might have somethin to do with that awful visit-- or that i walked out of it. but it was about my labs they did -- which were all fine-- no lupus, no sojourners' ... which is good... but i still wonder, WTH is wrong with me now. but while i had her on the phone, i did tell her about the visit with the other dr. she seemed quite surprised, and told me she was writing everything i was saying down and would give it to my dr and let him know. BUT i haven't heard from him, her, or anyone else since then.. so-- who knows.
hubby and i have talked about my next move in this pain dilemma of mine. i think i'm gonna go back to the dr that gave me the shots in my neck. even tho my neuro dr said he didn't think they would work-- which is why i didn't go back for the second one. it is said that it sometimes may take three or more to begin to relieve pain when it's bad enough. but when he said it wouldn't work-- i saw money being thrown away-- so i cancelled the appointment. well, while i was at pain management hell-- that dr told me that my dr didn't think that dr (the one who gave me the shots) got the diagnosis right---the cervical radiculopathy. . ummm well excuse me, that is the only diagnosis i have got that explains ANY of this nerve pain and crap at all.
so i think he has it right and i'm gonna go back. guess i'll take it from there.

and as for today , aside from packing my kitchen, i am goin to a giant yard sale down the road soon. i don't even know if i remember the last time i went to one. but hubbby came home yesterday telling me of " a giant basket " he saw at a yardsale. he was like-- i don't know what you'd do with it but... i was like SHOES!!!!! i want it for shoes!!! because everyone comes in and tosses shoes all over the place. in new mexico-- i had a wicker old bassinet i used for shoes.. worked out pretty well. and this is a nice basket. i'll show y'all a pic later. it's huge. monstrous. where the hell am i gonna put it? haha.

ok, so i'm gonna go. another day without a headache. at least for now--- hope it lasts. yippee.

hope y'all have really good weekends--- don't have any big plans for the 4th-- do you?

me and julio down by the schoolyard :))

y'all know you love that song!!! :)) and i know you will have it in your head all day long. unfortunately, so will i.

anyhow, it makes me smile. don't ask me why, it just does.

so. smocha emailed me a couple of my wedding pix. how kind . now i don't have to endure the time to dig up vimeo passwords, and y'all don't have to endure the video i made on our 15th anniversary. altho.. it wasn't bad. just kinda long.
so, here's our wedding day 17 years ago. my my how we change eh?



it honestly was one of the happiest days of my life. the only thing comparable is seeing my children for the first time. i can't think of any three happier days. i'm sure they exist --- somewhere in the recesses of my senile mind.

so. what now? oh. a couple of you asked if we did anything for our anniversary. the word "romantic" was even mentioned. HAHAHAHA!!! what's that mean?
we DID almost forget all about it. just like mary almost did. just too much stuff goin on. no cards, no plans, no nuthin. i woke up first-- as usual. i was sittin in my office-- working on my bank account -- some of you know i do that almost daily-- i think it may be an OCD thing. i'm not sure. i do it obsessively. anyhow, i'm in here payin bills, checkin balances, etc. when soulman wakes up, and does his usual thing on a day off--- sits in the livin room and turns on the boob tube. (after comin in here with a good mornin kiss-- neither of us mention our anniversary).
i think at least a half hour passed, when he says--- "it's july 1st." --- no significance to our AV -- more of a countdown to closing and moving into our new house.
that's when i say -- " i KNOW, it's our anniversary!"
we were both like "oh crap!" --
it was kind of funny, because we had both been thinking about it a couple days before-- but there we were the morning of-- and not a thought of it--yet.
we laughed about that-- had a AV hug and kiss, talked a few minutes, and sort of just went back to what we were doing before.
bad thing? or two? by the time i finished with the bills and crap--- i had another damn migraine. it had been trying to get me all morning, but it was now finally full blown. i still hadn't picked up my refill of imitrex. soulkid woke up with the idea that we were going to the mall immediately-- i did tell her that we would go-- but how was i to know i would feel like that?? of course i didn't. when i told her i wasn't sure yet, because i had a bad headache-- she had some remark... and soulman jumped in on her... and things got out of hand. so i went to my room, shut the door, and locked the world away. when things settled down he went and got my rx, and mowed the lawn. :)) while soulkid sulked thinking her world had ended.
it took several hours for my headache to ease up-- which is unusual with imitrex-- it usually works very well. but when i got up-- everything and everyone was in better moods, and soulman asked if i wanted to go to a movie-- if not, he would take soulkid to the mall. i said i would go. so we all went to the mall -- i waited in the car though -- they were in there for about half an hour or so-- but that was half an hour i wasn't about to spend in there feeling bad. not AS bad, but not great either.
so we ended up goin to one of those restraunt -- i can NEVER spell that word--
theaters and watched "hangover". OMG we laughed. that is a hilarious movie.
after that , we came home, and again all went our seperate ways-- me to my office-- soulman to his x-box live, and soulkid to her phone.
if that is romance, after 17 years... it was fine by me.
but i'll take a raincheck, for a day we don't have soulkid, and a migraine. or an x-box.
it may be a couple years, but someday she'll go to college, he'll outgrow the xbox, and perhaps, if i'm lucky, they'll find a cure for "soul-syndrome". :))

ok-- i gots to go-- believe it or not, i don't feel too awful crappy at the moment-- so i best take advantage of that and get some work done.

hope you all are happy in your worlds today--

four score and seven years ago - -

oops, not. that's eighty seven years .... what i meant was,

Seventeen years ago - -



on this very same day.. well, i think it was a saturday, but it was for sure this date. July 1ST, 1992 . i got myself hitched. yep, to my soulman.
did i have doubts? nah. i think i knew very soon after we met that he was "the one". i think he knew that too.
but did i "see" us this far down the road? i don't think so. we talked of growing old together, and we made future plans, spoke of when soulkid would go to college. but actually feeling or seeing it, i think i was a more "in the moment" type of person. maybe i still am. or not. but either way, here we are. still married. and not one night away from each other in anger.
we have been through a lot together. we have suffered, we have laughed, we have cried, we have loved, we have lost, and we have gained. whatever it was we had to face over these years though, we have done it together.

Happy 17th anniversary soulman!

do you mind if i cuss ?

how 'bout if i just go on a rant of sorts and slander the medical community? --- again?
i wouldn't know where to begin. i could write a book on this mess. oh. by the way, i don't suppose i need to tell you that the appointment with pain management didn't work out so well today, right? because, of course it couldn't be more obvious. it was such crap. and the doctor was more of an asshole that i am not sure that i could even describe it---him. i have seen probably literally hundreds of doctors -- ok.. let's say 100 - doctors, since this pain and stuff began. which was about 16 years ago , maybe. no, it's more than that-- that isn't even ten docs a year... so i bet 150-200 totally separate doctors , for my multitude of mystery illnesses, and symptoms, and such.
any of you who have followed this blog for any length of time should know my frustration. i would bet money -- maybe even a lot of money .. that if someone would frickin treat this pain properly, and not treat me like a damn junky, before they even know my history, or me as a person, my mental part of this crap would be cut in half. i almost gaurantee it.
but noooo. before i was even examined today-- my photo was taken, my tatoos were described and logged, and the pharmacy i use was logged in the record as well. i was already being all but fingerprinted --- just in case i might steal a rx or change one that was written to me. for identification.
then when i was examined-- i was tortured. he showed NO mercy. not only that-- but when i was getting up from a lying position from the table (i was on my back at the time) he offered a hand to help me up-- i let him take my hand--- he JERKED and PULLED me up very very hard.. it hurt so bad that it made me scream!!! i said wtf did you do that for???? he laughed!!! "what? what did i do, i was just trying to help."
if i was smart-- and we all know i'm just not that smart when it comes to these things. like docs -- or situations that i think i need to see through. i would have told him to fuck off right then. he was obviously "testing me". somehow trying to see how i would handle that . well, i didn't handle it very well. i was hurt, and i was pissed.
so now, i was not only being treated like a junky-- or worse-- a criminal! i was being treated like a liar!
and--- ya wanna hear the worst part? during the exam-- if ya wanna call it that-- remember now-- i am there for back, neck and leg pain..... he began asking OBgyn questions-- and without warning-- did a breast exam !!!! this was obviously before he ripped me off the table ---- which btw STILL hurts. i was just in shock.
and to think, i was sent there by a dr that i trust. (ED). my neuro dr. i just may not go back to him either. well.. maybe once-- just to let him know what an asshole he sent me to-- what he did, how he treated me, how he didn't treat me, and just how much i think he screwed me over.
oh-- i almost forgot-- after the "exam" the fuckin dr is sittin in the chair--- and i am standing-- in terrible pain... in a damned gown--untied in the back-- i could barely reach back to keep it closed, it was killing me to stand there... after five or ten minutes , i , through gritted teeth, say-- do you think i could get dressed?!
so he says oh, yes sure. so he leaves. (but not before letting it be known that he would not be giving me "real pain meds" -- but after he calls my shrink he might try a new drug similar to lyrica---- i had already told him i had an awful reaction to lyrica. and also to the neurontin, tegratol, etc type stuff, and that i refuse to take cymbalta. so he's gona put me on some brand new bs med that may land me in a psyche ward??? ummmm NO!
so while he was gone--- for by this time like 15 minutes--- i booked out of there--- well , as much as i could "book". i already paid his dumb ass... i knew i wasn't goin back...i knew he wasn't gonna do a thing for me but experiment and treat me like a junky. so i left. i did do a little snooping through my record though while i was waiting for him to come back-- before i got mad enough to leave. i read the notes from my neuro--- he did suggest that this dr refill my pain meds . instead he wants to do this kinda crap to me.
the entire thing was just WRONG. i have never ever had a PAIN doc-- or a neuro doc.. or any other such doc-- jerk me so hard like that-- or touch my breasts!!!
and he knew i was in pain. i waited in the waiting room for an hour, and him coming in and out and do the exam and talk and all the bullshit--- by the time i left i'd been there like three hours. i was damned crippled. and he wasn't gonna write a rx for nothing. nothing at all.
all the stress and pain was so much for me that by the time i got home--- i had a migraine. i ended up havin to take a imitrex shot.
it was an awful day in soulland folks.
sorry to whine and bitch so much in this post-- i know that y'all have pain and problems too--- i basically wrote this so i would have it down before i forgot any of his crap. because i just may report him. and no, not cuz he didn't give me meds-- i know a lot of dr's are whimps these days, and just don't want to do that. but it was the way i was treated. i felt worse leaving there than i have EVER felt even leaving the VA hospital. and i leave there in tears sometimes.
so....any ideas? should i just jump offa bridge and fix the pain myself? it's not like i haven't thought about that a few times.
i have no life at all anymore .. i don't think anyone even gets it. just last summer i was out fishin every single day -- sometimes for hours. now? i barely go at all. i can't stand that long. if i last an hour, it's a good day.
tonight, after my headache eased up-- i washed dishes-- it took maybe half hour - to 45 minutes to clean up in there--- i was near tears from pain, and even sweating when i was done.... how am i expected to pack and move and unpack and decorate and do all that i have to do this next month??? the thought is paralyzing.
imagine if angie wouldn't have come out to help with the garage. that was the worst of the worst. i just don't think i could have even made myself start that task.
thanks ang!!!!
ok y'all.. thanks for listenin. i bet i'll be better tomorrow. like i said-- i just had to vent-- and make sure i wouldn't forget what a BASTARD THIS GUY WAS.



take care, stay cool, and be happy.
g'night folks.

stuff, stuff, and more stuff--

(click the pic if you can't read it)

this is one of my sisters kids-- umm, i mean cats. she had it on the cheezeburger site- and i couldn't resist the possibly inappropriate caption. it was the first think that came to mind when i saw that face---
imagine your husband , as he tries to annoy you with his -- well, flatulence. not sure about you-- but i saw --- just about any man, succeeding in annoying the hell outta me-- or you---
so anyhow. that really is a beautiful cat. it's o'reilly, and he lives in england with his dad. my sis will be joining them soon. kind of a drag, but we never get to see each other anyhow. last time she went to england about 6 months ago-- there was a problem with the microchip-- mandatory on imported, i think, maybe all, animals. they put him in quarantine, and it would have been for six months. her and the cat were so depressed with him in kitty cat jail--- she brought him back to her home in arkansas until all the microchip-- and vet crap was settled. so they will be going "home" in august-- on her birthday. that cat is cavuto. all of blogland mourned for her and poor cavuto during his one month kitty jail sentance. but now he will get to go home to his other kitty friends, monkey, and o'reilly, and their daddy. so, that's cool.

how the hell did i get all on that subject? perhaps cuz when she left last time , it actually hit me a bit hard. right now , we live about 5 or 6 hours apart, and don't see each other-- but the opportunity is at least there. in england? it's no more than a "it aint gonna happen thing." no way could we pay for a trip like that. for three of us? and boarding four animals? nope. no can do. we can't even make it to lake fork more than once every year or two. the bass capital of texas--- maybe the whole country-- but england? hell.. we've been talkin about new york even, for like six years..can't get ourselves there either. but-- a drive like that (just to arkansas) is no walk in the park for me... and since she's been back, she helped plan, and travel to her baby boys' wedding. she had company from out of state. we were house hunting-- on top of a LOT of other stuff you may or may not know about.
soooo---- it just never works out the way ya want it to.

so. anyhow-- i spose that's enough ramblin on about my sis. and her cats. they are so friggin spoiled , if i die-- i want to come back as one of her cats. they get treated better than i ever have.


ok-- i really will shut up about that stuff.

thanks to all of you with your good thoughts and wishes etc on the house. i just don't see it fallin through at this point. too much time, effort, and money...not to mention stress and physical stuff, have been put into this. it's just gotta work out. it's gotta.

did y'all know mary, from pathways seems to be doin pretty darn good, considering what she's been through recently. she'll know more soon, but she's posted a couple times, and her hubby has tossed in an update or two. so, just so ya know-- if you prayed, sent good vibes, or whatever else y'all did-- it seems to be workin some real magic.

aha! did i mention that summer school is over? finally? longest three weeks of my damn life. or a close second. i liked that she had a place to go and something to occupy her over these passed weeks... but c'mon..now she has 2 more months of boredome and lonliness, with nothin to do.? not for me. i think she was doin better in summer school. at least she got out and saw people.

also, i did actually make it to the lab today... aren't you proud??
at least that"s any consolation. they tested for.. soujournes' (very misspelled) syndrome, and lupus, and thyroid stuff. and a bunch of other stuff. not sure when i will hear back about those results.

tomorrow is the dreaded pain mgmt doc appt. i spent hours collecting med records and filling out stupid paperwork tonight for that. such fun.

i don't know how much more of these dr's want to help me -- or if they can.

welp-- i had more to say-- but meds just kicked in, ---- i was asleep-- for i don't know how long. oops-
so, i best take my raggedy self to bed.

finally-- here's the other video--- hope you see it, cuz i can't

mornin folks-

i only have a few minutes for a real quick update for now, so i may post again later.
we're fixin to head out to the pond but i have to get at least 1 cuppa coffee in me and let the aspirin start it's magic before i can even get up to get dressed. not to mention a couple of cigs.

the texas temps have been ragin hot lately. awful. i'm usually one that loves to get out and be in the sun in the summer-time-- but oh man, this is even too much for me lately. the heat-- on top of the pain lately-- ugh. any time i've left the house has been to drop off or pick up my kid.. eat... or house hunt. period. as for fishin... i may have been one time since angie left. but that's a guess. i may not have been at all.

i'm trying to put together a second video of the house-- one with some pix that weren't in the first one... i would have had it up last night--- but i have no music on this computer.. since my hard drive crashed.. i just haven't had time to mess with such things. so i'll do that later.

oh--- the reason i'm puttin more pix? we GOT IT !!! yesterday we went over while they did the home inspection, and termite inspection. two words about that--- NOT CHEAP. but word to the not so wise--- never ever buy a home without having it done. it is money well spent.
i will have to explain that in more detail later--- but after we bought a home, trying to save the inspection money, we skipped having it done---- it became a nightmare real quick. 150.00 (then) for the inspection.. woulda saved us literally thousands of dollars.

anyhow-- thay now have our earnest money, the appraisal has been done, and paid for by us-- the inspections are done--and paid for by us... and as far as i know--- they can't back out-- right??? only we can. right ???? they better not back out now.

ok... moovin on.. i never did make it to the lab on friday-- i was too tired. i slept almost all day, after going back to bed.

so-- i will go tomorrow-- and also to the pain management doc.
aj asked if it was worth my time to go to PM... hell no. i hate them. the only reason i'm going at all is my neuro told me to...after he cut off my pain meds. it's the pain management doc-- or drive to dallas to VA. i have a feeling-- i will end up at VA. after the pain magmt. doc-- suggests everything i have already been thru.

ok-- i must go. i shall return.

hi ho - hi ho- it's off to the lab i go

and only about two weeks late.

no, i'm not afraid of needles --
i just procrastinate too damn much.


i did however get my thyroid ultrasound ,
yesterday. of course the stupid tech "couldn't" tell me nuthin.
ERG i hate that. i wanna know what-- if anything is goin on,
and i wanna know NOW.
but, i told ya-- hurry up, and wait.

so, that's what i'll do now too
go to the lab.. and hurry up and wait there too.

then the 23rd-- guess what i get to do?
yep, you guessed it--
hurry up and wait on the pain management doc.

i wish i had about half the damn money i've spent
on these useless bastard doctors over the passed three years.
it'd pay closing costs on the house.

oh--- which btw-- IS the one i did the video of.
just seems like the best deal out there-- for us-- right now.
so -- we took their counter offer.
hubby just dropped off the earnest money--
so, i guess that means there's no backin out now.
well, there is-- but there won't be.
unless the gods of schleprock luck intervene, and blow the whole thing.

i reckon i shall keep ya posted.

hope all is well in your worlds today
and that you have great weekends all the way around!

what the hell are you doin up? go to bed-

well, that would be unless you're like me right now, and
CAN'T sleep. just as i predicted , a day or two ago.
i'm not, however, packing.
and i don't plan to.
at least not tonight.


oh i am soooo pissed right now. i have been writin up a storm for like half an hour or more and i just hit some button and LOST ALL of it-- except that stupid intro up there. now that i'm finally feeling tired-- i aint even gonna mess with it.

so-- long story short?

1. i woke up at like 4 a.m again. which is pissin me off.
   
2. i smoked and coffeed -- aka-- smoke and choked til the rest of the gang woke up.
3. then guess where we went? yep you guessed it-- house hunting. which is about to kill me .
4. we looked at like 6 homes-- two were reruns.
   
5. one we came "this close " to getting.
6. then we realized it was just too much house, and it neded too much . nothin major really-- just stuff.
7. and stuff that would have to be done right away.
8. like paint, carpet in one room, possibly a back door-- it was warped and barely wanted to open.
9. plus it had a master bedroom biger than a fancy hotel room..it had a sitting room, bedroom, two gigantoid walk in closets-- that could have been bedrooms.. it was just used. so rather that get rid of stuff-- i'd have to be buying furniture for that room, and other rooms that just neded to be something. it was a huge one story house-- we all liked it-- but later, after looking at the taxes-- we decided no way.
10. soooo-- what's the plan? i think we will be countering the counter , and see what happens.
    
11. i'll let ya know when i know--
    

anyhowfolks-- i am now officially ready for bed.
hope you all have--or had good nights.
see ya manyana-

PS:

well , thanks, charlotte and ac-- i'll get back to you tomorrow-- and i'll try to hit the other 3000 comments i haven't replied to too.
but as for now, i am hittin the ole heatin pad and goin to bed. but , before i forget-- i wanted to get this picture up. i think i mentioned it a few days ago-- but jitterbug had a terrible hair problem. not just a bad hair day either. the damn cat had DREADLOCKS! Angie can vouch for it too. it was just awful. i'd never seen a cat with hair issues such as this. well, last night, i was petting her as she laid next to me in bed-- and i just couldn't take it, not for one more second. i hated the way it felt-- and i just couldn't imagine how awful it felt for her. so, what did i do? ummm, well.... probably something that only I would do. well, because , i am me afterall. and i sometimes do things that are a bit stranger than strange. so have a look at the pic below -- just don't judge me. i did it for her own good. really, i haven't lost it yet. she didn't even try to kill me. she actually enjoyed her little grooming session. she wanted to be a detangled pretty girl again.
it'll grow back. someday.

see, she even thanked me with a kiss.

g'night all.

livin on some real messed up time - and stuff

or maybe i'm just livin real messed up?? who knows? not i.
i think i wrote it somewhere-- but i guess it may have been facebook-- anyhow-- the house people denied our offer-- now we are trying to decide what to do. do we counter their counter? or do we tell them to pack sand? we offered only a few thousand less than asking price, and asked for closing costs. they came back-- actually the wife did--- apparently something we didn't know til yesterday-- there have been several offers on that house and she has turned them all down..like four--maybe five of them. so it's not just us. and what's weird? that house is paid off--free and clear. a few grand isn't gonna hurt them a bit. so WTH? the real estate lady said if not for the wife, she coulda sold that house ten times. the man is very nice, and would have sold it by now for sure. but because of her not budging, everyone tells them to fuck off, and they walk. this is a buyers market, and no one is gonna spend money they don't have to.

hubby and i spent hours last night trying to decide what we should do-- their counter? they said if we pay like 2500.00 MORE than the asking price-- which, let me tell you-- is a couple thousand over our loan amount--- PLUS anything above four percent of closing costs.. ( which we were told is usually 6% of selling price..but hell i don't know_ then they will sell it to us. well, what if it doesn't even appraise for that amount? and-- just how are we supposed to come up with that kinda money--PLUS pay an appraiser--and an inspector?? i'm not seein it in my crystal ball. are you?
yep, i didn't think so.

maybe it's just not meant to be. that's what i was saying all along-- if this one falls through there are houses everywhere trying to sell. and there are. houses without stairs. hell i don't know. hubby is already set on THIS house. and anyone who knows him...when he is set on something-- he makes it happen. i just follow along to shelter myself from the fallout. the thing that makes this even harder? is soulkid loves the place too. and any of y'all who have been around a while-- you know-- i live my life for those i love. to be honest-- i am settling for this house. IF we get it. just because they love it. of course there are things i like - or maybe even love about it--- but i do not love the thought that most of the house-- the better part no less, is up-stairs. y'all just wouldn't understand the dread i have of those stairs. could be months, could be years --- but it won't be long before i won't be able to go up there at all. the way my back and legs have been this past few weeks --- ugh. it's affecting my mind. not to the point of visiting the loony bin or anything... but it is affecting my quality of life. i live on a frickin heating pad. this crap, it wears me down faster than it ever has. and my fuckin neurologist givin up on me just makes it worse.

they say bad shit comes in threes-- well let's try fours-- or even tens. and i don't even know if that's enough. i lost count. y'all just wouldn't believe the shit that happened over the weekend.

maybe there is somethin to the damn 333 thing afterall. some stuffi just can't say on here-- a while back i woulda blabbed my head off-- but i won't now. i can't. it involves other people, and i have no right to put that kinda stuff on here. but let's just say it aint pretty. and it's kinda painful-- not in the physical sense. it doesn't make sense, and i can't like it!

one thing i can share-- only because she blogged about it--- some of you may not even know her--and if you do or you don't , i hope you go say hello to mary at "pathways"-- over there -----> and wish her well.... she's been a long time friend of mine, and has recently found out that she has malignant breast cancer! surgery is imminent. she is a tough ole redneck, and i love her dearly, she is being strong as she can be right now, but as fast as the dr's and surgeons are moving on this... i am extremely worried about her. whether you know her or not--please pray for her.
i actually have a good feeling that she will be ok-- maybe it's faith-- that i thought i thought was lost , but y'all know my luck with "people"-- they leave-- or -- well, worse. but- i'm not even gonna think that way . the worst thing about this? there is a possibility that both breasts are involved. i so pray NOT. you do the same .
and not to be preachy-- but, remember the scripture ? --
"where two or more are gathered in HIS name.. I will be there"
i believe that. i've seen it-- and so have you.

so anyhow-- let's talk about fathers day-- i will say it coulda been better (a whole lot better) for the ole soulman. he was ok, and did enjoy it the best he could.. but this is where the a lot of the more serious of the bad crap came in to play--
1- the "bad-ish" news on the house.
2- the "soulcalamatychild" dropped her BRAND NEW UNINSURED phone out of her pocket while running across the street !!! by the time she had a chance to get it? it had been run over! she thought that the fathers day card that she had gone out in the first place to buy for him would make up for it--- but noooo--- he was so pissed he was just sick about it. (finally , after over ten, maybe 11 years with a cell company we absolutely hated, our contract was finally UP--so he, only days earlier got all of us new phones--all uninsured... uugh...don't ask me why-- and she drops it in the middle of a six lane road!)
i just can't tell you how many phones she has lost, or broken just in the last two years... that were insured. and replaced. at 50.00 EACH. the last one-- it wasn't her fault , except for the fact that she let a friend use it at the mall, and the friend lost it-- she promised to pay-- and hasn't--- and we don't expect her (parents) to. and as far as that goes, i spoke with her dad over a month ago-- he promised me.. promised! -- that he would pay me THAT night. HFCow. did he? hell no. haven't seen a dime. the friend did give her a POS used/ancient phone to use... but that does NOT cover a 150.00 phone that she lost at the mall.
i did get her a trac phone , but that just wasn't good enough for the little princess; but she had used the insurance like three times in as many months already--we couldn't dare use the insurance again, we would have been accused of some kind of fraud. ERG. fifteen years old.. and too immature to take care of A phone-- much less six or seven. maybe she'll learn her lesson now-- cuz it just aint happenin. she is not gettin another one now. if she does, it won't be anything like that one. it'll be like the one i used for about the last four years -- a basic ugly simple talk/text only phone. no fancy glitz and glamor for her this time. OMG, i'm havin a damn stroke just thinkin about it.

3. i think. this one coulda been that the soulman realized the other day that he's been drivin around with an expired inspection sticker for like two months. has he had time to take it in? well of course not. no one has had time for shit around here.

PLUS -- this past week as he fed his cravings that he has missed out on the last three months or so -- he feels horrible. his reflux is killing him. and he just feels bad all around. and now-- the stress of all the bullshit here-- ugh. i feel for the poor guy. i think we need to have a fathers day redoux. sometime soon, when things settle down. sounds like a good idea to me.

well anyhow-- i am just about out of time-- i've had calls comin in and out-- one of which believe it or not was the new pain management doc-- i wonder if he'll do shit to help me?? i really have my doubts. but i go in on the 30th. so i shall pass on the news -- or the horror story of that little visit-- whichever, when i know more.

also , i have the ENT appointment for the thyroid crap on --well-- tomorrow. no idea what he will do. i remember liking him. he actually seemed concerned. i do have a lot of thyroid symptoms. i still feel like he should have done the biopsies on the damn nodules then..not wait six--now seven months.. to wait for "changes." three nodules on my thyroid. not one biopsy. now here i am, tired as all get out--and twenty pounds fatter.

have i mentioned that i hate dr's???
have i mentioned that i hate having to see so many of them?

do i even have to mention the fact that i do realize that this is the most crybaby post i've written in some time? i am aware of that. and i apologize. but i really am a crybaby today. for more reasons than i even mentioned. even more than the ones i couldn't mention.

have i mentioned that i apologize for that?
or that if you read this far-- i appreciate it.
and if you survived the read without vomiting or vowing to never return, i appreciate that too.

so , anyhow--- it's already time to go get my kid in like twenty minutes and i haven't accomplished a damn thing.
and i woke up at like 3 somethin a.m. -- after only falling asleep at like 2 ish. what kinda crap is that? that was with meds too!

i have a feelin someone is under too much stress.
there just might be some midnight packin goin on around here soon. when i get like this-- sleep is a word i don't recognize.

so-- i am outta heah....
happiest of mondays to ya...

just a meme to make things easy on myself

A Happy MEME

EE tagged me for this MEME. so here i is--
i aim to please.

What makes me happy is:
these twelve things.. maybe more, but it only asked for twelve. :))

1. being pain free. (HA-- what a joke that is lately.
but i am happy when i don't hurt. )

2. my kid being happy -- without the need to get in trouble to be that way. *SIGH*

3. good sex. :)) -- i can say that-- cuz i'm married.

4. a full nights sleep -- especially when i fall asleep without meds. (which is like 4 times a year)

5. a clean house. mine in particular.

6. a belly laugh-- it doesn't even have to be my own.. i just love the sound of it.

7. writing a blog post-- or a poem, that simply comes together.

8. i can't believe this wasn't first--- catching a big ole bass!!

9. friends and family just being there for me -- without being bribed, or begged. or just not .

10. feeling like i'm not just a waste of space, air and money.

11. laughing out loud -- at something or someone other than myself--when i do something stupid.

12. peace in my home -- without having to hide in another room alone to find it.

Now, I'm supposed to pass this onto 6 or 7 :)) other people,

"what makes YOU happy" ???

1- mary/pathways
2- smocha/ cats on the counter
3- charlottte/ golden to silver val
4- vicki- desert dirt diva
5- donna - made in heaven
6- brenda - what's up down south
7- brad - kubuto farm

Let me know if you do it.. or if your just old and boring and refuse. :))

a home of our own??? finally ?

well folks, we did it-- we signed the papers last night, and put an offer in for the house. the one in the video-- obviously. we feel pretty good about the offer--- and we only asked them to fix two things-- or if they didn't want to they could deduct the money it would cost-- and they are cheap fixes.. both less than a couple or three hundred total. and really-- we coulda really been picky over these things and asked them to replace stuff that woulda cost a couple thousand... so-- we're easy. hope they are. we didn't ask too much lower than the asking price-- but we did ask for closing costs---- that's where the worry comes in. but i hear most people ask for that anyhow-- and this guy has a ton of equity in this place-- he bought the land and built the house--- i really don't see him whining too much about that. he may ask for half or something. who knows. we are quite out of practice in buying homes ya know. it's been quite a while since we've been through this. i'm happy we have a good agent working with us.

anyhow-- have a look at the video-- it's very short. it doesn't show as much as i would like it to. if we do another walk through i'll take more pix of other stuff i want you to see.

few things : the big room with the wood floor is upstairs...the two smaller rooms and bathroom is upstairs too, there's several closets up there, which will surely be stuffed to the gills...or not-- the garage has shelves and cabinets --so that could be my saving grace as far as storing crap goes. plus the shed out back will all for soulmans' crap-- his giant tool box, lawnmower, all his yard tools etc, it has two windows--his plan is to add a window A/C so he can work out there-- little does he know-- his crap will fill it UP. (maybe) if he finds a trash can it might not. ;))
just have a look .. we have lots of plans for this place-- and already have a (used) pool table on hold for after we get moved in...i have wanted one for years--and now finally have space for one.. oh and i love the built ins. their everywhere!
oh and just so ya know-- the first thing i'm buying? a brand new tim the tool man taylor powered dishwasher!!! the one there looks too much like the one here-- that just doesn't work for a crap-- you have to wash before you load..what the hell good is that but a waste of electricity? it's a dishwasher payment if ya ask me.. on my now paid off sears card LOL. oh-- and i am also gonna put a ceiling fan in the kitchen.. why they don't do that here is just stupid and beyond my comprehension. and-- we are gonna put a ceiling fan or two on the back patio----and screen doors! i have always-- well for years--since our first house we bought-- wanted to open the front and back doors when it's cool-- but i never can, cuz i never have a screen door---but now i will. bwa hahahahaha. OH--- AND it has a doggy door in the back.. bad thing? the stupid cats can get out too... wonder how we will deal with that issue. hmmmm.
ok anyhow-- have a look. i must get offa here. i got thangs to do--- that will hopefully get done.
i have my doubts tho-- we're kidless... it's quiet...and it just feels oh so good.

happy happy saturday

ok i admit it , i'm a slacker

normally i don't go this long without posting unless i'm without internet-- or something is wrong. well, rest assured, nothing is wrong. i have just been busy-- and recovering. i have been sore as hell since cleaning out the garage. i just cannot imagine what i might feel like had i had to do that alone. thank God for angie . i have everyday pain anyhow-- but i swear-- this has been extra bad-- and i am so NOT looking forward to packing and moving this house-- which is a three bedroom-- but the size - with the furniture-- of a four bedroom , due to my office. ugh. the thought alone scares me.

anyhow-- moving on to bigger and better things ;))
guess who won the 'biggest loser contest' at work? you guessed huh? pretty easy since i don't have a job eh? yep, soulman wON!!! wo hoo ! but i betchya can't guess how much he lost? the contest lasted about three months--- he lost --- dah dah dah---
fifty one pounds !!!!!!! as in 51 !!!!! in three months. that is just insane. we are so proud of him. he is still shootin for another thirty pounds on his own. i'm sure he can do it. that would put him not much over what he was when we met.. but ya gotta give a guy some lee-way for age, and the ole marriage excuse right? regardless, i am amazed at the effort he put into this whole thing. he feels so much better, and looks really good. once i get a new pic of him, i shall put before and afters up-- you too will be amazed.

as for me--- i'm still totin the extra 20 pounds from nowhere. can't lose an ounce. i'll weigh one day and think i lost 5 pounds-- 2 or 3 days later i weigh again.. and voila-- it's baaaack. maybe forever. dammit.

about the house hunting, i think it's over-- we are putting in an offer on one today after hubby gets home from work. it's a nice house. pix will come when i get a chance. the price is right-- we like it-- i have my doubts about the stairs.. but i can deal with them for a while i'm sure.

well, i think that's about all the updating i can think of for now-- i got thangs to do before i get my child.
i'll be back.
question is-- will you be here?
or has facebook killed blogland?
anyhow-- have happy fridays...

did somebody say schleprock?

so--- soul takes angie fishing. angie gets her line hung up-- for , oh, maybe the third time. so i go over to get it out. i was feelin pretty confident-- i'd gotten her un-snagged a couple times already by then. but whaddaya think happens? i don't know how -- or why.. but -- well... a picture is worth 1000 words right? so have a look---
THIS -- happened --

i don't really know how or why--
the slope is not wet -
it's not even sloped for that matter -
i was just pullin on her line and trying to get her out of the snag-
and oops!
into the pond i went.

that was definitely a kodak moment. so what does angie do? she leaves me faltering in the pond as i try to get my uncooridated self up- and out, and the now floating away rod as well. while she goes to get the camera ! neither of us could help but to laugh.
we laughed a lot over this. we laughed throughout the time it took me to unsnag the line and get out of the pond. we laughed throughout the day as we would think about it. we laughed as we told soulman about it. it was just funny. especially when she asked if i had my phone on my while i was in the water. i was like---oh crap! i began pulling things out of my pockets and tossing them onto the bank... my ruined phone-- my soaked wallet-- which held a perscription--oops-- my cigs and soaked , non working lighter. did i get mad, or bitch? nah. too funny. there was only a guy and his young daughter there feeding ducks-- and an old man walking around. not sure if anyone saw this. but yep-- it was a moment. a day long moment.
hey-- i never once said i was graceful.


after that little incident-- i obviously had to go home and shower. the water was most not smell good. and a little cold too. not to mention my entire backside being mossy/muddy. so she drove while i sat on a floor mat on my seat.
we got home, i got cleaned up-- and we decided to go to the creek and check out the fishin there. we only made a drive by-- it didn't look too good after so much rain lately. so we kept goin and went on to the other pond that i normally fish at. we each got a few bites.. but no fishies. (oh i did get a small one before i fell in at the other place-- just not worth a pic.) -- at this pond, they were biting, we just couldn't get em. so i knew they would go after somethin..i just didn't what somethin it would be. i finally tried a drop shot-- and i got me one. not great , but a fish. i felt bad for angie-- she didn't get one. she did almost get a turtle tho. that was funny-- she was scared and excited at the same time. i wonder what she woulda done had she caught a turtle. i woulda laughed, cuz i think she woulda freaked.

by then soulman called, and we had to go, we had some house-hunting appointmentments set up. good thing angie likes looking at houses. we went and looked at maybe 5 houses. there were like three that all of us liked--and angie approved of :))
but we aren't sure. the one that i really really really want. got three friggin offers over the weekend. ugh. so i have a feelin that one is out. i was a bit crushed about that.
then there was another one-- all of us --plus angie-- said yes to. it's still a possibility.
then the third that we liked ... i am the least to jump on. really there's nothing wrong with it. it's a nice house. it's just that-- most of the house is upstairs. downstairs is nice. but some of upstairs i like too. soooo... i don't know. hubby and soulkid, seem pretty dead set on this one. big yard.. the upstairs really is fantastic. but-- i can't do stairs well. or often. and also the fact that it being a newer house in an older neighborhood- just seems strange. i don't know if that's good or bad. but i'm not sure that i like that.
guess we will see what happens.
i do like the idea of having angies outside opinion on the house thing though. she has come up with some good suggestions on the whole thing while we were looking.
many that i don't think we woulda thought of. plus she is really good with soulkid. messin around with her or not-- she gets her to look at things in a way that we sometimes seem unable to.

i'm so not recovering well from all the work we've done. yes i know-- it was just the garage-- but i swear it has damn near killed me. without angies help i bet i would be bedridden. besides the garage work-- which did i mention was complete in just under 5 hours? it woulda took me a week. even with soulman.. no less than a week.
but i also , falling into the pond , must've fell on a rock, and now my arm and elbow are hurt. ugh. not to mention the rest of me.. even my damn legs, and ankles and feet. i'm too young for this shit.

well anyhow-- not sure what our plans are for her short last day today. her flight leaves at 330-- i spose she has to be at the airport around 230 or so. i imagine we will chill, and just hang out a bit. but ya just never know.

i do hope she can go home and tell people she had a good time. cuz i sure did. even tho i am crippled, and just may be for some time. it's been great havin her here.

eevee hasn't even tried to kill her... that's a good sign .

so. i reckon that's about all i got right now. soulman is takin the kid to school, angie is asleep still-- far as i know-- and if i had my druthers-- i'd be headin back to bed about now myself. i can't tho-- but i bet that's where i'll be at about 4 o'clock today.

c ya later peoples.

well, she isn't dead -- yet- :))

mornin folks--

angie is a ball of thunder-- i am the weak streak of lightening that follows. (i know that's backwards-- but it's the only comparison i could come up with right now.) and i couldn't think of the poetic term i wanted to either. i just can't think at all right now. i don't know if i'll ever recover from yesterday. we busted our asses , and even recruited soulman. i'm surprised any of us are on our feet today. well , except angie. she's in pretty good shape i must say. i'm rather jealous actually.
i cannot believe how much work we got done in that garage ... angie and i moved, sifted , sorted , condensed, etc... and hubby made storage runs-- put the garage stuff we didn't need here in storage-- and then brought the boat here---it actually fit in the garage-- unfortunatly-- my car does not... but that's alright. i feel so much better about everything we got done , and got rid of. we put furniture and stuff on the curb..for free pick up-- and we had a pile of stuff for a goodwill run... many people stopped, and most of all of it was picked up. phew. i haven't been out yet this morning-- but i have a good feelin that all of it is gone now.
which leaves us with one one dump run, for the trash that we didn't have time to haul off yesterday. woo hoo!

ok here's the pix-- all except the one with the boat in it.. cuz i was just too damn tired to do one more thing last night... and right now , angie and i are just about to head out to to the pond-- wish her luck-- i don't even care if i catch any-- i just hope she gets a good one-- or two.

ok .. here ya go--

(ready for the finished product?)
da, da , da!!!

ok.. we are outta heah----- be back latah-- hope fully with fish pix....
latah tatahs--
-

it's not still wednesday, couldn't tell by lookin

howdy folks.

sorry i haven't been around much. we've had storms, and power outages, and other stuff goin on for days here. figures it would be the days that i was "supposed " to be getting ready for angie. i ended up with up with two doctors appointments, wet muddy dogs making it impossible to clean my floors. hubby working what seems to be the longest week he's worked in months, just when i needed his help the most--- which leaves a lot undone... not that a oversoaked, overgrown back yard could be cut and cleaned up in this condition anyhow. but i needed him to help me do some major grocery shopping.. and he hasn't been available to carry the crap. so i haven't gone.
i managed a bunch of laundry and dishes, and the fridge and basic crap to look presentable. but presentable is not the look i was goin for. i don't suppose it will matter once she sees the garage anyhow. that's where we plan to work and sift and declutter anyhow. i betya it's a 75 percent dump/goodwill run anyways. but i bet it's just not what sh'se used to seeing. but somehow , every garage we ever have ends up lookin like that. (don't blame me.. i know how to find a trash can!)

i made an appointment early in the week to have eevee bathed and brushed out-- she was blowin her coat-- everywhere. i do mean everywhere. that night i looked at her-- she looked like she lost ten pounds-- i don't know how, but her shedding problem was all of the sudden minimal. the big balls of hair were gone and she just didn't need the major grooming session that usually costs 40 dollars. so i cancelled it-- with hubby saying HE would bathe and brush her. BUT-- has he had time? noooooo. he may have-- if it hadn't rained every night this week. he sure can't do it in the shower-- we'd be callin someone out to snake the pipes soon afterwards if he did. so, even though she isn't blowin pounds of hair all over the house every hour.. she still needs the loose hair brushed out and a bath.

speaking of animals in need of a bath--- has anybody ever seen a cat with dreadlocks?
OMG--- jitterbug--- i swear-- she has dreadlocks at her back end-- she's to fat to reach back that far-- and her is a tangled dreadlock disaster !!! i've never seen anything like it on a cat in my life. she used to be a normal cat until she got fixed three or four years ago-- within a couple months she exploded, and musta gained fifteen pounds. she is gigantoid. i wonder sometimes if she didn't get some kind of tumor or somethin... but she eats like a pig..so i assume she's healthy. just fat.

spot-- she got fixed the same day-- what happened to her? her personality changed. from wicked, mean, and nasty, to sweet as pie. she's very shy. but before she got fixed she had a hate like no other for soulman, and sometimes for even me-- but as for soulman, she tried to kill him a few times. she got fixed...now she cuddles with him. very strange.

sushi is next on the chopping block-- if i ever get off my laze and get her scheduled to get in there. she really needs to get fixed before her next heat cycle. the next will be her fourth i think-- if not her fifth. and i hear the more they have without breeding-- the worse it is for them. and we have finally decided there will be no breeding for her. so it's time. i really hope she has no weird personality changes. we love her just as she is. and if she gains any more weight , she'll pop like a tick. poor doggy.

as for eevee, she still hasn't seen another vet. she was supposed to get a second opinion on her breast tumor. all i have to say to that--- we're busy people. we'll get to all this. in time.

oh and as for my own second opinion on my own shady mamogram and ultrasound i had a little while back. it was easy to push that to the back of my mind--- until recently-- a fire was lit under my ass-- i will be lookin into gettin that checked out soon... well, soon as i get to it on my list.

as for med stuff.. my neuro doc-- who has been very graceous with my pain meds for maybe close to 8 months or so-- pulled the rug out from under me. passed his limit of comfortability i guess. he says he can't be a pain management dr for me. ugh. so now-- i had to call a pain mgmt. dr. and now am waiting for them to call, after rcvng. my records, and get me in there. and y'all know how i am about that. i have it all worked out in my head that that will be a big ole mess, with a big ole messy ending. i am not looking forward to it. do i wanna deal with VA for pain meds? it might be easier. but i swear-- i have a panic attack every single time i drive out there. ugh.

he really really picked a bad time to do this to me. right at packing/moving time. i explained that to him when i saw him the other day-- told him there is no way that i am will get into, and evaluated by a new dr by the time i run out of pain meds while i'm packing, etc ..... but === he's done. only with the meds tho. he is sending me for labs, and other tests. still digging deeper. we both know -- there is more that one reason i have such pain. and why it changes , and worsens, etc. i'll be getting the (12) lab tests after angie leaves.

speaking of angie-- she will be here today-- i think i mentioned that-- even tho my house isn't ready-- i have time to finish up some things before she gets here-- and i really don't think she's gonna care. if she does we'll hang out out in her room...or my office...they're clean and comfy rooms. if i aint sleepin-- i live in my office anyways.
well.. that is if i'm not friggin sleepin. ugh. wth? i wish i wasn't sleepin so damn much.
i've pin pointed it to stress-- yep the ole standby---- or thyroid. or ya know-- it could even be the damn pain. pain will wear your ass right out.
i was talkin to a buddy of mine last night-- i told her i sure hope i can stay awake when angie is here--- what if i get her home and i say hi angie-- make yourself yourself at home-- i'm goin to bed-- see ya in about five hours.
good lord-- if that happens ...i'm jumpin off a bridge!
we have plans dammit---

ok.. my memory is shot peeps.. i have no idea what i just blabbed about for the last hour-- but i will bore you no more. i need more coffee... and i gotta get my damned barkin dawgs inside.
after that-- it's workin, and shoppin and car washin and whatever else i can think of for me.
angie will be here at 4. woo hoo!

we shall post pics of my before and after sty. and if she's up for it-- her fishin , and her free hugs thing she does. yep-- you wouldn't catch me doin it-- but she's a hugger.

later peeps.