wanna see a lame excuse for a poem? by mois?

heart on my sleeve

if you know me at all then you're surely aware
my heart lies exposed on each sleeve that i wear
it's there for the world to examine each scratch
the choice isn't mine if they're salted or patched
the road that i walk leaves my heart scarred and worn
yet, i wear it as armour growing tattered and torn
this heart may be hanging by a thread on my sleeve,
it still is an honor , because it has made me be me.

BMB 6/12/10

girls week FINALE

mornin peeps .

ok, this is it. i spose i need to return to real life and grow new blog fodder, after today. but as for now, as promised -- i bring you-- stolen video from my sister smocha's blog , of girls week 2010. as i still await photos that are in the 2nd video -- get on it smocha -- please? i even got cd's to put the pics on-- but she actually did run out of time to do it before i left. so i still wait.

(ya need to click the video -- then click again - cuz it's messed up-- full screen watch it -- i don't know-- or watch it on her blog -- the link is in the post -- 'smochas blog -- above) sorry -- it uploaded wrong -)

anyhow-- i just left her blog and she did get these videos up.. not much else because i am sure both the girls are totally wiped out after finally getting back from graceland last night. so, as i have had a couple days to recover-- their recovery only now is beginning.

so anyways -- my friends -- i bring you -- girls week -- live -- :)) enjoy :))

girls week part deux

hiya peoples-- how are ya on this fine fine thursday mornin?
things are not too bad here. i think i may have fully recovered from our little getaway. well, as much as i expect to at least. i have been a vegetable ever since we got home the other day (tuesday evening-ish). man i was whooped. i hit the bed and didn't move til the next morning, then yesterday - i ran kids around a little , went to sonic with soulkid in between taxi rides, then got back home, and what did i do? yep, sat back on my couch and did computer stuff. i blogged and worked on my bank etc. it was really a drag to see how much money was actually spent over the few days we were vacationing. money was no object-- except in my mind of course :)) i did worry some about the cash outflow - but there really wasn't a lot i could do about it-- so i tried not to think about it. i dealt with it yesterday tho. we still have enough money for our TN vacation.. it just may not be as care free financially as i had hoped it would be, but that's alright. it aint about the money anyways- right?

oh and i did catch a huge break in hot springs at the toyota place. my car was making a weird and scary noise up at the front right tire area. ever since the incident on the hi-way. so i was real concerned that it might be something important.. like a tie rod.. or bearings.. or something that could make the ride home not so safe - ya know. so i needed an oil change anyhow-- so i decided to take the ole girl in for a check-up- and oil change (etc).
when i picked up the car, i just knew i was gonna be droppin 100.00 or so. in order to keep my warranty in effect i have to do my oil changes at toyota. it runs around 80 bucks here. i expected similar there. plus - any extras.
well. they did find the cause of the mystery noise... it was some kind of under carriage mud guard -- but they called it somethin else... my car is under warranty still-- so that didn't cost me anything to fix. they also did whatever they do for the accelerator recall thing. all i had to pay for was the oil change, and since they kept my car an hour longer than they told me they would? guess what i paid em? 16.27 !! i was thrilled! and they even gave her a bath! :))
so anyhow-- it was worth that, just for the piece of mind knowing my front end wasn't gonna fall off on the way home.


ok - so anyhow-- i have a lot of comments below- so i reckon i shall just work off of those for this post-- get some coffee, pull up a chair, and get comfy :))





Blogger Brad said...

Helo Dear! - Glad to see you all had fun, and I'm stealing a copy of the pic of the four of you!

===== yep brad, we had a real good time. couldn't have begged for better. go ahead and take the pic-- i suggest ya click it first- it gets bigger. i won't say better. ;))
but we do look pretty good for a bunch of ole ladies eh?
soulkid doesn't count-- she'll be beautiful forever.

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Blogger Golden To Silver Val said...

So glad you had a good time and are safely back home. Nice to get away....but always nice to get back home. You and soul-kid made some good memories. Why does your arm hurt....did you pull something trying to keep the vehicle under control or what? Anyway...feel better soon! C

====== hiya c --

no. my arm pain, was actually from my neck and shoulder. then radiated through my arm. the worst of it was at my right shoulder blade, and back... it was nerve pain, burning- hurting- awful pain, and i had run out of pain meds on the trip- cuz i had an everlasting migraine.
we still had fun though--- and i did my best to not complain about it. you know the first thing i did when i got home tho-- was hit the med chest ! it's better now.


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Blogger Donna said...

Glad you enjoyed yourselves! AND you lived to Tell about it! Wow!
Great shots girl!
hughugs

==================hiya d-tx..

whatever am i to call you two donnas? you both comment here-- and i just don't know how to keep ya straight. that's ok tho- i'll get it worked out-- how's the d-tx thing work for ya? of course the other one :)) would be d-tn. works for me.
anyhow-- yes we did have fun. and yes, thank God we didn't crash. but i won't take credit. my drivin skills suck. i even somehow managed to drive into my sises security gate at her condo-- leave it to me. i refuse to ever drive again. oh how i wish i could get away with that. soulkid gets her license on july 1st. maybe i can hang up my keys forever??? i really shouldn't drive these days. anyhow-- happy day to you- hugs-


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Blogger Brenda said...

Welcome home! Glad you had fun and I LOVE the pics!

==== geesh you sure are talkative brenda. what's goin on in your world lately? i still haven't made it to anyones blog since bein home -- i'm workin on it. i'm worried boutchya - i'll be over soon.
xo
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Blogger Cheryl said...

Great travel blog. It sounds like it was an almost perfect trip. The car incident scared me! So glad you and Soulkid had such a great time together.

========= i was so happy it went well cheryl. i thought of you a lot on our little trip. it's amazing how these girls can be so sweet-- when they want to. maybe you and yours can have a mommy daughter getaway??? they are growin up so fast. how did i miss so much?
anyhow-- hope you're both doin good.. hug her when ya get the chance.. next thing we know - we're gonna be watchin them drive away for good. awwwww. (TEAR)

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Blogger ethelmaepotter! said...

Ah, nothing like a nice, relaxing vacation!

Seriously, you do carry adventure with you, don't you? And even with all your stories, the first question I have is...How did you manage to keep the cat in the stroller while you were fishing?!

Catchphrase is fun! My son has it and we always play with three, too - Fred refuses to play any kind of manufactured game - his idea of fun and games involves lots of groping and panting and he always comes out the winner - so we manage quite well with three.

My emotions were all over the place in this post - happiness that you and Soulkid had a good time together, empathy with your pain, fear in the almost-accident, sorrow in learning of your boys.

Hey, Soul, you need a vacation!


============ it was relaxing EM!! that word isn't even in my vocabulary here at home. i don't even know why. i must just look for stuff to stress about. cuz it was just FUN. no worries. no stress . just a really good time. i enjoyed everyones company. no one was arguing. no animals to worry about. nuthin. just down home good times. and if i remember it-- it is all a nice memory to have :))
oh, the cat in the stroller (sounds like a childrens story :)) that is one of my sises cats-- i forgot to post a pic of her other one.

this one is "Cavuto"..

she also has O'Reilly.

cavuto does better in the stroller -- they wear harnesses. they love to go for walks , and cavuto is quite vocal about letting her know when he wants his walk. he gets into the stroller-- and tells her he wants to go. he's been going for walks so long now- he knows if he jumps out he will be hanged. :)) so he does stay inside. he looks around, sticks his head out etc. it is the cutest thing i have ever seen. when she was in England? she had to buy an actually baby carriage to walk him in!!!! i have never seen such spoiled cats in my life-- they wouldn't even eat the rib-eye steak i offered them "they like turkey". oh lawdy.
i am gonna get catchphrase-- it's great-- and i love your description of freds favorite game :)) classic.
i know what ya mean about the range of emotions-- i'm like that on a daily basis.
life is an adventure in soulland. :))
and i do need a vacation from my vacation.
but i wouldn't change a thing :))
hugs


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Blogger Donna said...

Ah, you had a good time! Woot, woot!!!

================ you d-tn, why so yacky? did you go on your trip yet? sorry, i haven't been to your blog either-- i guess i would know if i did read it. i'll be over in a few.
anyhow-- yes ma'am, as you have seen already -- we had a blast !
laterz- scab :))


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Blogger Blur Ting said...

For some reason, I couldn't see the photos but I'll come back later to check.

It sounds like a perfect 'bonding' trip with your kid. She must really appreciate this. Her maturity is showing through!

Oh, the near accident was scary. Glad you're back. Now is the time to rest and have nice memories of the trip.

Blogger Blur Ting said...

Oh, I could see the pictures now! All happy faces and soulkid is so pretty!!

====== she really is growin up (maturing) . she handled the cemetery better than i expected. and she had a lot more to say about that than i expected she would. i think this was a good age to take her there for the 1st time. (at an age that she knows what's goin on and what it means etc). it was tough, for both of us. but it was time.
yeh-- we did bond. it was a good, and needed time for both of us.. all of it.
oh yeh-- the almost wreck? i just hope that never happens again.
and unfortunately, rest time is over-- i must get-UP now, and be productive. whaaa. :))
glad you got to see the pix.
i hope you and yours are doin good out in 'my paradise' :))
any soul-dreams lately ? :))
good to see you here-- how's motha? yankee?
ttyl-

weeeee're baaaack !

GIRLS WEEK JUNE 2010

the golden-esque girls

phew! finally. we got back yesterday from a most horrible drive home from hot springs, arkansas. we had to take the long way home, which added at least an hour and a half to our drive. it wouldn't have been a bad ride, if not for the fact that i was in such agonizing pain i could have cut my own arm off - from the shoulder blade out. ugh. seriously, by the time we got home, i couldn't even use my right arm - at all. not good. but happy we got home safely. oh.. duh. why did we have to take the long way ? that would be because my child forgot to get her (expensive) camera from the motel we stayed at the first night we got there. we met the other half - and stayed there because it is only about ten miles from the cemetery - that holds my boys and half our (me, soulkid and my sises,) family . SO-- we had to go get that before goin home.

soulkid @ y-city inn

anyhow-- didn't mean to start out complainin, but that was the last and closest memory in my mind. seems i always tell my stories backwards--maybe that's why?? hmm.

so-- all in all? we had a really good time. and soulkid was a happy companion. she actually enjoyed herself being amongst a bunch of ole ladies, and spoiled felines. i'm sure she had lulls of boredom, and times she wanted to be home with her friends her own age. i know she did , cuz we talked about it. and we talked about her dad, alot. she missed him. i don't even remember the last time she's been away from him for that long. but- like i said... we all four had a real good time. even considering the not so great moments. and those weren't even horrible.


i did try, but fail to teach Vicki how to fish. ( my sis was too cheap to spring for a fishin liscense -- (11.00 for three days-- hell even i - el miser paid it.)
:(( she enjoyed it - but no luck. for any of us actually. i think it was the weather though. not the teacher. or her skillz. the fish shut down, but the skies were scary. we took the boat out, but we only lasted out there maybe an hour or two, when the lightening and dark clouds rolled in. we packed up and headed to the boat slip. just to be on the safe side. of course half an hour after we settled in at the house the sun is back out and blazin hot again. not a cloud in the sky.

scary storm clouds

we tried our luck again at the dock-- with the cat in the stroller :)) -- yet still, no fish.
it was a good time tho.


on the way out there? me and soulkid ALMOST got in a really bad car wreck. -- it's true. i could feel the car was on two wheels and we were slidin and whirlin down the hiway at 75-80 MPH. maybe at a 45 degree angle -- or worse. when i finally 'heard in my head" to let off the break.. and when i did i finally was able to get control of the car. MY instinct was to just let go of the wheel and 'give up' . i figured it was all over and we were gonna flip- we were already almost sideways . soulkid was asleep and had already been jostled- hit her head on the door etc-- i was scared to death... all because some fool decided to change lanes- directly in front of me goin like 60 -- ugh.
anyhow i got control back, and we were fine. scared, but fine.



so- moovin on --
the other girls were at the motel before us- and they were none too happy with the place. i told them - i think you two forgot where you came from. but i let them continue their "eeewwee fest" about the very old and run down motel. -- when she finally does post about it - all i can do is send you her way. -- my mocking them just won't do it justice. :))
they even made a video of their 'horror-and disgust.' it really is an old place- but it is where i have been goin ever since i put my son there - 21 years ago. ya know? soree-ya. it just has never bothered me-- until they nit picked it to death. it was good to hear when the owner told me they would be updating/upgrading after the summer :)) but really folks it isn't 'that' bad. no bugs or nuthin. just old. it's "nostalgic". :)) and just look at the hidden gem behind it !

soulkid at the motel creek

so anyhow-- on the way to her place in hot springs-- after visiting the cemetery the next day-- we stopped at the crystal mine and dug for crystals. me and soulkid didn't do too bad. we enjoyed ourselves. of course-- tweedle dee and tweedle dum, were hot, and let it be known. they DID have fun too though.

(soul - crystal diggin)

soulkid did really surprise me , and kept her whining to a minimum on the entire trip. she did of course have her moments-- but no way was she gonna risk those concert tickets-- her and a friend went to the concert last night-- and had a blast! they saw (MGMT)

(soulkid crystal diggin)

when we were at her house we did lots of old lady stuff but had a lot of fun doin it.
and believe it or not-- soulkid was an important part of our fun. :)) i don't think she even knew it. i'm glad she went along. i was worried at first that she would be bored and crybaby the whole time... she was very good to have along, and i think she is happy she went too. my sister seemed to enjoy having the time with her too. they haven't had much time with each other at all since soulkid was a toddler. it was nice to watch them bond a bit.

soulkid n aunt sissy :))

the best part of all? the whole trip was nearly stress free for me. seriously , even drivin. well, except the near fatal almost crash. that was pretty stressful, and it lasted a while. the drive home, was so painful, i didn't have a chance to feel any stress. soulkid thought i was stressin and started rubbin my back a little-- i told her -- i'm ok, really, i just hurt really bad. she offered to drive -- but that would definitely make me stress- and the traffic was hell. we were gettin close to home, near dallas, and no way, was i gonna risk it. but i appreciated the thought and offer. she really was a good kid the whole time. i enjoyed her company. and we don't get that opportunity near as much as i would like to.

soul n soulkid - road trippin

i definitely must go buy the game catchphrase. and so must Y'ALL. it was so fun!!!
we spent a lot of time playin that. no one ever plays games here-- but they will when i get that game. (it's made for 4 to play- but we managed with 3 when soulkid ditched us for phone calls :))

anyhow-- i hope you all are havin happy days in your worlds !
i'll be seein ya!
i'll have more about this another time-- plus a link when my sis gets her post up-- plus more pix when she ever sends me their pix.. there are so many more- and some on soulkids camera i haven't even seen yet -- so check back.

now i need to recover-- some more -- i'll catch up with ya later--

did ya get the memo?

it's in the comments below :))

see ya on the othah side folks

oh hell blanche died.

Rue McClanahan , AKA Blanche Devereaux from the Golden Girls. three out of four are gone now. that only leaves Betty White. -- Rose. bummer.




that show was so great. i still watch it sometimes. i'm sure i've seen every one of em at least twice by now, but i keep watchin em. i can even 'still hear' the way my then 3 year old youngest nephew-- with a speech impediment (now fixed) would say the shows name. he had a 'speak' all his own. if you weren't part of the family, you were most likely not allowed to be part of his language. i lived most of his young life states away from him, but i was blessed enough to see him enough to learn and understand his special speak. and he also was a fan of the Golden Girls, even as a boy at the age of 3.... he enjoyed watching "the o'den oi'wez". don't ask.. you can only attempt to decipher it. try bein at dennys when he ordered - " bite and baby " which when interpreted was equivelent to "sprite and gravy." even his own grandmother couldn't figure out that one .. who did? yep -- mois :))

so anyhow -- enough of that.

i don't guess i have much else to say.

the a/c obviously is still out. since it isn't monday yet. right. luckily, it is surprisingly not 300 degrees in here. it's a bit uncomfortable, but maybe around 80 ish. not 95 like i expected. the previous owners installed that ' flash- insulation ' thing in the attic-- go ahead and laugh, i don't know what it's called. the silver alluminum lookin inside the attic roof thing. you know what i'm talkin about. so anyhow-- if you ever wondered if it works? it obviously does. but i have no idea what it costs cuz it was here when we got here.

other than that-- today is packing day for me, and i hope to get up early and get on the road to go see my sis. i'm ready for somethin different. let's just hope the drive doesn't kill me and make me a worthless guest to be with. i hope to teach them how to fish -- if i succeed i will have pix to show ya -- well, i'll have pix regardless-- but i bet my sis hasn't caught a fish since she was maybe 5 years old -- haha.

i can't wait to go. i almost wish i could leave right now.

see ya later folks-

waitin 9 to 5 (to life)

yeh, what a way to spend the day. if it isn't one damn thing around here - it's another. surely y'all know that by now. right? oh, and it never ever fails that the worst happens when we are trying to save money. am i complainin? you bet your ass i am. i have tried and tried my best to be grateful. like when the fridge went out. "thank you Jesus , we had the money for a new one, and didn't end up with a 100.00 POS."

or how bout - when the first 'bubba mobile' was dying? and the repairs outweighed the costs of a down payment of a newer truck? "thank you Jesus, for making seeing eyes blind!" :)) (and once again allowing us to somehow have the cash we needed on hand.)

or how bout the time -- all FOUR of my tires were bad right at the time my car was due for inspection? yep-- "thank you jesus - we happened to have 600.00 layin around."


are y'all gettin the picture? i'm tryin to be grateful. i have been grateful. oh hell. i'm kinda forgettin a couple of THE most important times that we had money-- when , as y'all know -- we are best known for our squandering. back in the day (s) when soulkid was in her biggest trouble, and pit of hell. the times that her medical care was to the point of live or die-- and into the thousands of dollars. --- not to mention , the fallout, and what it did and cost my own health... the money was there then too. literally , thousands of dollars. yes, we did without at times-- but we got through- and soulkid lived because somehow-- we had money.

9 times out of ten, the money was there because we were saving -- for something else. most likely vacations, visits to family, etc. maybe to pay down bills. but the fact is--- the money was available and ready, when we needed it. for whatever reason. when on any normal soul-clan squandering lifestyle day - we woulda been begging, borrowing, or stealing-- to come up with a fraction of any one of these needs.

which brings me to today. yes i know. i heard you. sorry. it's just the way i do things round here. ok up here. in my head. it just doesn't work the way most minds do. but hey-- admit it-- you like it.


anyhow-- today. it kinda sucks, to be honest. i got woke up this morning to a panicked and hurried soulman. he just had to tell me something. this never goes well. i'm barely conscience for the first twenty minutes out of bed. (sigh). he is trying to get out and go to work, and at the same time, tell me that - guess what? the friggin air conditioner is broken ! it's been runnin constantly all night long. well that's just friggin peachy !
there i was.. no coffee- no pain pill- still hungover from the night meds- trying to absorb his 'instructions.'
'you have to call the home warranty place, and get an A/C person out here today. our warranty expires in a few days. lemmee show ya where the breaker is in case it flips. i changed the filter. upstairs a/c is ok. i don't know what's wrong with this one. could be a switch inside. could be froze up.'

he went on and on -- fast too. cuz he had to leave. i caught like 3 words-- at the time-- and that was lemmee show you the breaker. he got upset when i said no-- i can figure it out. good lord i just rolled out of bed, and my back hurt and i wasn't about to go crawlin around the garage-- or go upstairs. for whatever he said was up there. UGH.

"i'll handle it dear--- go to work"
he left- grumpy , of course. i'm sure he was thinkin i wasn't listening-- well, i wasn't really-- but i think i know enough about making a few phone calls. besides-- i did catch enough of what he said to tell the a/c folks. geesh. so he left.

THEN, it was time to deal with teen hell. that's always fun, especially in the morning.
she's beginning to get brave--- and push the clock further and further each day. a couple times a week now, she gets to school with literally ONE minute to spare to get to class. she cannot do that at this school, and she knows it. they'll throw her ass out.
she has also been texting me during the day - two or three times a week - asking me to pick her up early ! OMG. is she trying to kill me? the last day of school is FRIDAY! two days. you'd think she would be on her best behavior , and doing her best to pump out as much work as she can this last couple days. is she? nope. looks like she has quit already. she is apparently done. i pick her up at the end of the day -- and she has marks on her face-- evidence that she has been sleeping-- somehow- somewhere.
and who gets stressed out for all of this? yep-you guessed it. dear ole mom and dad.
think she gives a rats ass? oh surely no.

save me. someone just help me. love me. talk to me.

my one saving grace? i'm gettin a break ! if ya haven't forgotten, i am skippin town early friday morning. yes i am. i will have over three days, all to myself. well, not all to myself. but i will be off to 'girls week' in arkansas. i will see my sis and her friend vicki - AKA desert dirt diva. day one may not be 'fun' in every sense of the word- as we will visit 'the cemetary'. it'll be ok, i'm sure. it is time for me to be there. i noticed a day or two ago -- my brothers birthday is july 6th, and my mom's death day is july 17th. it's kinda weird that she died so close to his birthday. at ,least i think so. (i didn't 'just' realize -- i mean i 'noticed'--ya know)

so. anyhow-- yeh .. i am trapped in a hot house til the a/c guy decides to get here. you know how that goes. i could melt before then.



and of course-- while i was on the phone with the home warranty people-- they talked me into renewing our contract. which i guess isn't a bad idea. we have paid out of pocket for inside and outside a/c unit before a few years ago-- and it ran us about 5 or 6 grand. on a payment plan-- thank God. no cash - like that on hand-- ever.

but anyhow-- like i said -- just trying to be happy that we aren't payin a fortune out of pocket. bleh.

oh -- guess what folks? hubby just this second called me. they - the A/c 'fixers' just called him... even tho i gave MY phone number to schedule with... this is just great. no, not really. they left him a message-- cuz he couldn't answer his phone in class.... they said they would be here SATURDAY! - to fix the A/C . that my friends is BS! for one-- it's pushin 98 degrees every damn day. and TWO? soulman works saturday-- and i will be out of town. howda think that's gonna work out? can i scream now?
guess we'll be movin upstairs for a few days.

my happy is nowhere to be found. have you seen it?

hope you all have good days in your worlds today
stay cool!

look at the babwees :))

( after the video, have a read below - i posted this morning for the first time in a while.)

enjoy the baby kittehs :)) only 3 of the 4 babies showed up. and mama and big boy were shy.

g'night

wow - i woke from a bad dream, and stepped into a Nightmare

eegads people WTH?

oh, sorry . hi folks !!! long time no see. i sure have missed ya. i knew i would. i always do when i take time off from here. this may well be the longest i've stayed away though. so yeh, i've had y'all on my mind a lot. and i hope everything is right in your worlds. i know. from the little bit i have seen on facebook, and the few blogs i've been around, it doesn't look so good in some places. just know my thoughts are with ya- and my prayers are too. ok? alone, that may not mean much -- but along with all the others who are on your side? prayer works -- i think if nothing else- we've learned that much in life. right?

so anyhow. if you're wonderin how that ties into my title- it doesn't. but i'll tell ya what does. i was sleepin like a corpse this mornin. hell, it was even like 930 !! i was havin a really bad dream too. had somethin to do with soulkid gettin back into the drug stuff. - which prolly had somethin to do with meeting new friends since goin back to school, ya know? - she had a new friend spend the night last night-- and trusting new kids is just tough. ya know?) anyhow, i'm havin this dream, and it's windin down to right where i'm puttin it all together, and about to confront her-- ok- kick her ass... when suddenly, i hear soulman, very angry, cussing and yelling at her in the living room. but it isn't in my dream.. now i'm awake- kinda. well- shit- i wanted to see what happened in my dream! but now- i have to get up and see WTH is happenin in my house. ugh. i go out there still half asleep. the two of them are arguing over the upstairs a/c thermostat ! of all the things in the world to be fighting over-- and to this extent-- it's THAT? and with a new friend possibly sleeping upstairs? OMG. ridiculous. i stumble in the office- put all my crap down (phone, cigs, pill box, lighter), go in the kitchen make a cuppa coffee, listen to wth they're doin-- trying to figure it out in my half stupor. they're both throwin the friggin F'Bomb at each other !!! over a thermostat? my head began to throb. my back and everything else was already in knots. i hadn't said a word since i walked out of my bedroom. i stumble back into my office and sit on my couch, light a cig, take a pain pill-- yeh i know-- breakfast of champions - and we all know- i am one - ya gotta be to live here :)) finally, i can attempt to piece all this bs together and try to make sense of it. ooooh. ok. i get it. apparently, soulkid had changed the upstairs t-stat to 68 degrees . mind you-- this is not the first time-- nor is it the first time she has been told-- or in trouble for doin it-- we've been thru this fifteen times with her. so it was kind of a camel and straw thing. (also tryin to save for summer trips and cut costs etc) - so soulman just got - well angry. you wouldn't like him when he's angry. - really. not many people do. :)) so - there she is crying and yelling-- and him - well, just yelling. as soon as i get the the gyst of it all-- it begins to make sense--- a solution. we can argue and she can suffer in the hotness up there--- or we can find a SOULution (you like that huh? i just made that up-- actually it was a typo - but i made it a word :)) so anyhow-- i was trying to not get upset- or have a panic attack etc- for all the arguing etc-- so yeh, i'm trying to think how to quell the situation -- better yet-- shut them up ! i finally pipe up and say -- listen. why don't you just finally shut down the guest room-- like i been sayin-- and shut that vent -- and that will push the air elsewhere?" hmmm.. the livin room goes silent. ahhhh
that gets soulmans wheels turnin-- he then says -- we could also shut your bathroom vent partway-- you don't want it cold in there. guess what?
problem solved . thanks MOM!!!!

what a way to start the day.
so. just thought i'd share that with you.
i really just wanted to pop in and say hello to all you people. and let ya know i'm still kickin. and doin somewhat better than the last time ya heard from me.

as for the pain i was bitchin about -- i will be gettin shots in my neck sometime after i get back from my sises in arkansas. so yeh-- i did mention that part right? i'm headin there on the fourth -- first to the cemetary to visit my boys/family's graves. this is the first time in a very long time that i won't be goin alone and unannounced. she and her bff will meet me and we will go together. then the next day we will go to the crystal mine. then to her house. vicki wants me to teach them how to fish-- that will be so funny, i shall take pix. i hope with all my heart they both catch a big bass ! i don't even care if i catch one.
so yeh- we're just chillin for a couple days , then i gotta get my butt home to the fam.

when i get back i will schedule the cervical steroid shots in my neck. within a week or so those will be done-- so please pray for relief on the dang neck pain.

dr also mentioned the second 'rhizotomy'. remember that? OMG it was torture. for months. but i think after the months of burning , torturous, pain... it actually did do some good-- for many months actually. and thats why my neck is doin so bad now. cuz it wore off. so she has me pretty convinced to gived it a go- and do the other side. BUT NOT til after summer. i have too much planned this summer to put myself down for three or four months. and besides that-- soulkid gets her drivers license in july-- so if i do end up with the same reaction as last time--- she will be able to drive herself to school. so it's a we shall see type of thing.

anyhow-- that's it for now-- and even that was prolly too much for ya.
i miss ya - i think of you all the time-- and i hope you all have happy days - and summers ahead !
i'll be sein ya
laterz-

so, what's worse than wakin up at 3:33 A.M. ?

yep. how bout still bein awake at 3:33 A.M. that would be it. at least it feels that way right about now. i don't think y'all have noticed-- and if that's true-- then i have succeeded with my plan. but yeh. it has been a pretty rough few days- weeks , whatever for me. the worst of it has been the last three or four days tho. i know. looks can be deceiving eh? but hey-- that is exactly how i wanted it to be. i been doin the same thing at home too. til it just couldn't be contained anymore. yeh , the lid finally blew. not in an angry way. but in a way that i hate more than that. and i think the family would rather i just blow up and argue or something actually. i think for some unknown reason, most folks find arguing easier to deal with , than emotional stuff. or 'emotional people' anyhow. it just seems that i have been trying so hard over these past many weeks to be 'strong' , that i just ended up taking too much of it into my own body and and mind. and now here i sit-- this last couple weeks... in pain that is just out of control, non- communicative with people that matter, and of course-- i suffer for it. the pain wakes me at night, i sleep during the day to catch up-- which makes me fall behind in my business stuff,. i'm just a mess, which makes everything and everyone else a mess here too. add an assload of sarcasm, to hide the facts-- and when i finally come out and tell hubby -- umm, btw dear-- i'm not doin so good. he's left wonderin 'wth did I do". y'all know how men are. right. ugh.

i've mentioned it before-- a lot of times-- 'it' starts with pain. then goes from there. next thing i know - my world is goulash. and i can't pick it apart enough to know where to begin to fix it. the fam feels lost and responsible. i feel useless and worthless, and crippled, and horrible, and can't help but wonder -- will it be months, weeks, or years before i end up off my feet for good.

tonights biggest mental attack began when i woke from my second-- yep-- second nap of the day - as the fam was returning from the way overdue grocery shopping trip. i was still groggy- but felt it necessary that i should at least help put stuff away. so went in to help- i simply asked if they remembered to get 'me' something to drink. (i have been drinkin water for two weeks) well ,and coffee, or i'd pick up a drink if i was out on my way home etc. soulman points to the table-- over there. i look-- three twelve packs of diet- and one 12 pack of root beer-- i am allergic to diet-- it makes me gag- if not barf. and root beer is just as bad. i literally broke out into tears. none of us could believe my reaction. it was ridiculous and i know it. bottom line-- it wasn't not havin a drink-- it was the not bein thought of. when i shopped - when i was able-- i always got what they wanted or needed. without them asking - i knew. i just had a baby fit.
i felt like five kinds of asshole. thanked them for shopping and left the kitchen to compose myself.

but really. this is gettin simply too stupid to even be my life. the pain and limitations of my life are absolutely getting much more than i can deal with.

therefore-- i have decided that i am gonna take a break from bloggin for a while.

i have a lot of things for the summer planned. i have a lot i need to do around the house. things that i need to do to get my life back on track. things that don't involve me thinking or questioning if things are right or wrong in my world. or if i've done or said something wrong or not pc on here. too much- too little. my anxiety lately is through the roof. big time.

between what's happened- happening in soulkids life-- my own life- soulmans life-- our life as a family-- our upcoming plans - together and separately.. stuff with the house-- stuff with my health.... i'm tellin ya -- it's a lot to deal with. almost too much.

and once again, even though i have all of you-- it's just that time of year again-- that everybody is just busy-- that or i'm too complicated a person. maybe even 'an obligation' as i once understood it to be said. so here i am.. feeling alone in a mess too big for me. i need to step away for a while. and i will. i may pop in now and then - but not daily- that's for sure. i'll also prolly be on facebook here and there.

but as for my real life , my real world - i need to help my girl get through school. i gotta get all my trips saved up for- and completed-- and hopefully -- have fun! and get through them with everyone havin the great times that i have been hoping, planning, and working towards.

i'm even gonna go to girls week at my sises for a couple days in arkansas-- i have a little business i need to take care of out there- that is long overdue as well. it's been on my mind for a long time, just haven't been up to goin out there til now. i need to go to the cemetery where my boys are buried-- thing is-- most my other family is there too-- my mom , brother- 2 uncles- , gramma, great gramma, off the top of my head i can't even keep goin-- but it's a virtual family plot over there. it's never easy. but always easing, and healing. it's time. even my midnight is there. well-- part of her (ashes). right next to my boys. {i even put a small tribute out there for a friends baby who didn't make it a while back. that wasn't easy, but i felt a part of that little life. this will be my first time back since putting that there, and burying Midnight.}

i'll be seein y'all. i just have too much on my mind. and honestly-- that's just half of it.

so yeh.

i need a break from bloggin. and a lot of other crap as well.

so- i will see you when i see you.

i may even take the whole dad-gum summer off--

if you're still here when i get back-- i'd sure like that--

hugs -- and happy summer y'all

no rules - just right -- and a little mental

nap-time

guess who's finally WENT fishin?

yep. that would be me. and on the boat even. our new one. for the first time. i'm excited. but yes, a little worried too. i hope my body doesn't turn against me. ugh. i also hope the weather will cooperate.
wish us luck. wish me fish. and check back back later to see the catch of the day -- if we get any. it's been quite a while since i been on the lake. i'm lookin forward to just bein on the boat- weather i catch fish or not-- but you know -- i better catch fish or i'll be a sad soul.

happy monday to you folks out there--

catchya latah --
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

WAIT!
i'm baaaack.
we went fishin, returned, ate lunch, took a nap, and got soulkid from school; since i wrote that. and in the meantime? not one person spoke to me here. (*tear* )
that's alright tho-- y'all can have lives.
our day on the boat was really great today.
well, cept for a couple things.
surely you didn't think MY maiden voyage would be 'perfect'
did ya?
well. it turned out fine, but not without effort.
the boat runs smooth as glass. we were runnin at 70 MPH, and i didn't get 'bumped' once! i couldn't believe it ! our other boat is such a rough ride. it doesn't matter how fast you're runnin, it is comparable to drivin a thirty year old truck without shocks down a dirt road! really.
i loved it. it was kinda cool this mornin, but of course by noon it was an easy ninety degrees and we were dyin.
the fact that the trolling motor batteries were dead from the first moment of the day didn't help any. we found docks to tie off to and found different ways to fish without trolling the banks - which is our usually way we do things. no wind, no breeze, just blazin sun, sittin still, gettin toasty red , sweatin in the texas heat .
i'm not complainin though.
i lost one fish while throwin a crankbait-- a "sexy shad" :))
then later i went to my old trusty "drop shot"
first- i got a cat fish. no picture-- i didn't wanna touch the gross thing.
next- i through another drop shot-- missed one. :((
tried a few more tricks in my bag -- but failed.
we moved -- tried a few things -- no luck -- until -
i went back to "old trusty " - my drop shot -
and look what the cat dragged in :))
making my day on the lake a purty g'dun :))

(bass-clown soul)

the results are in

mornin y'all-

this was supposed to be a reply in my comments-
it just got so long- i decided to call it a post :))

turned out that soulkid did end up havin fun after-all. i can't see drivin in the dark. so no- i wasn't able to go rescue her. i felt so bad. she never did text to tell me things - miraculously, got better. they ended up working it out that it was cool to dance/ hang out with other people- it was just a friend thing to begin with. so once that was settled, it got fun for both of them. and all went well for the next few hours. no rescuing was needed. i guess she just needed to vent- and talk to her mommy. :))
it was hard for me to wait up til midnight for her to come home, but i was worried , and wanted to make sure that A- she got home-- and B- that she was alright. she did get home-- on time, and she was perfectly ok. told me all about it-- and i took my meds asap-- and all was well in soulland.

she is now off on a daddy daughter day-- of adventure and - photo taking- fishing- and surprises for both. there's been a little tension between them lately- so they are out to clear the air. she's real good about telling us when she needs time with one of us -- or a family day.

she is such a good girl. i love my baby. and my man.

so anyhow-- i'm hangin roun the soulcrib today, gotta clean the kitchen- as promised. and do some other junk and catchin up-- which includes makin my rounds with you folks-- sorry i have got behind - i'm workin on it.

hugs and happy days all around -

later taterz

oh hey -- btw--- why did no one have anything to say about the dog wearin goggles? i found that to be no less than hysterical !!! why would he not knock em off? and why weren't the other dogs wearin any? that was the funniest thing i've seen in a loooong time! i still laugh when i look at it. anyhow-- maybe i'm just defective? (that's a judge judy word-that also made me laugh. could you imagine a judge calling you 'defective'?) there's somethin i have never been called-- and trust me, i been called a lot.

ok-- i'm outta heah --

who knew dawgs wore goggles? oh and someone went to prom :))

have you evah seen anything like this !!!

not me - til i grabbed dinner at a drive thru tonight :))
it was then that i laughed like a mental patient- alone in my car -

howdy peeps!
wussup?
here? not a whole lot.

right now i'm textin back n forth with my poor soulchild. things aint goin so well it seems. and to make it worse? she wants me to go get her right now. :(( i can barely see the text on the phone--- much less a damn thing on the road out there in the dark for a 80 mile round trip drive . ugh.

so anyhow--- here's how lovely she looked when she left--- too bad it didn't turn out like she thought it might. it was actually a 'friend-date' - now it's just a get - me- outta- here- kinda thing. awwwwwww.

y'all know how i luuuuv kittehs? well, guess what!

we have four more !!!!
one of the outside cats had babies !!!

yay?

yes, it's true. four new additions and we didn't even know it ! not til last night. they must be a week old by now. maybe five days or so. we rarely use the front door to come or go. usually we go thru the garage. the main times we use the front door is just to feed the cats out there. which , as most of you know, WAS normally three. and an occasional straggler or two. ugh. well. yesterday afternoon, or- evening, whatever-- soulkid and soulman used the front door - as their only alternative- other than bein locked out. cuz he was on his bike, she was walking, and i had all the keys etc. so. she looks down at their shelter-- which is a scratching post/castle - that our cats always turned their noses up at - choosing my furniture to tear up-- before their miracle de-claw :)) (evil laugh).

anyhow-- what did she see when she looked in there? well-- about the same as i saw when i got home -- cuz of course she called immediately -- to tell me the GOOD (???) news. bleh

go ahead-- look
you know i'm thrilled to no end













***********************************************************

anyhow-- one more thing before i let ya go-- i was lookin for a pic-- never did find it -- BUT i did happen to come across a old post. i wrote it around Christmas '08. i sat here, laughin out loud all the way through re-reading it for the first time. i had forgot all about it. i read it aloud to soulman. apparently, all it did for him was stir up old anger. which is understandable- but so not my intention. most of y'all know that this was an awful time in our lives -- and really -- it was laugh or cry back then. if not for my demented sense of humor there's no way in hell i'd still be here. i think you all know that much by now. so--- join me on a trip down memory lane-- have a chuckle or two... detach from reality for a minute -- i did-- you can too- :))

A SOULFUL CHRISTMAS

It was the night before christmas and all through the house

The soul pets were mental, and spot ate the mouse.

Eevee and sushi were fighting like bears

While jitterbug sharpened her nails on the chair.

Soul checked on her girl, hell, she’s not in her bed

The vision of beating her flashed through her head.

She first checked the closet, the kitchen, then bath,

Only to realize the kid snuck out the back.

She slapped the cat off the chair, kicked the dogs in the teeth,

Then woke up the soulman to go find their teen.

Off to the back door, he ran out in a dash,

His facial rosacia was flaring , it looked like a mask.

The soulman was pissed as he ran out in the cold,

Yelling for soulkid to get her ass home.

Then what to his wandering eyes did appear?

It was soulkid, two friends, and detective, dick greer.

With a sideways glance at her dad, so guilty and quick,

All three of the girls ran passed him and dick.

Inside the house they ran right into soul,

She knocked each of the girls, one by one to the floor.

Don’t move, soulkid, and You, and YOU little vixen,

Tell me, now where you’ve been, or it’s your ass that I’m kickin!

The kids had been out running the streets,

They Sat at the park, they said, but soul didn’t believe.

Soulman walked in from his talk with the cop

The girls looked up and laughed at him wearing his croks!

Soulkid said “dad, I’m so sorry you know,

I just can’t be scared of you wearing croks in the snow.”

He glared down at the girls as they giggled and chirped

While he tried to look angry it just didn’t work.

There were three teenage girls laughing at his feet

He was caught in the middle, with no one to meet.

He burst out in laughter , extending a hand,

soulkid reached from the floor as he helped her to stand.

he sent all the girls to his now half grown kids’ room ,

and said to his wife “what the hell will we do?

the cop got them for curfew , but God knows what’s next,

we know that you’re cursed, now that’s got me perplexed.”

Soul looked up at the soulman, and saw in his eye,

That his little girl growing up had made the man cry.

So many years have now seemed to slip through,

Now there’s so much not done that these parents should do.

Soul lit a cigarette , the man ate some fudge,

Both watching in silence as sushi shat on the rug.

Horrible tunage blared through soulkids walls,

Right into the living room causing soul to bawl.

she was stressing, and achin, and about to crack up,

the music would kill her if it wasn’t shut off!

With a flip of his wrist, he threw open his cell,

soulman texted the kid to shut down stereo hell.

she didn’t text back , but the noise it did cease,

to the soul-parents amazement they were finally at ease.

the man locked the windows , and set the alarm,

then said goodnight to the girls, threatening bodily harm.

if they were to leave in the hours of the night,

he was hoping they knew it would be their last time.

then with a grin he backed out of the door,

no giggles or chirping sounds this time for sure.

he went to his wife and he wished her night to be well,

then he spoke into her ear, welcome dear to teen hell.

BMB 12-17-08

(this was fiction- it never happened-- but a shit ton of other stuff did)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

just one more thing- i just read a pals blog
and found a most disturbing post on the TN flooding.

(unbelievable, and very sad)

(click above)

it really IS rainin cats and dogs !!

well, more like kittehs
more on this story saturday a.m.
low battery is cause for computer shutdown.

g'nite y'all

she's a soul-kid and she's all mine :))

• so. how are you peeps doin out there? hope all is well in your worlds and lands of far away. or not so far away in some cases. things are runnnin fairly smoothly in the land of soul these days. perhaps i'll try to make it short and sweet and try a first ever "bullet post" HA. yeh , we'll see right? is anything ever short-- OR sweet, when it comes to me, or this blog? i thought you'd say that. but really, one of our laptop cords got fried, and that leaves me here with only battery power -- to sleep blog no less. so, let's hope i finish this post before A] the batttery dies or B] i do. ugh.

ok, here's the passed few days happenins-
in no particular order.

• i shall start with none other than my child. -- AKA "soulkid" . as most of you know, she had missed a lot of school recently . about 6 weeks, maybe more. she now is beginning her ninth school day tomorrow. in the 8 days that this girl has attended school at this new school; she has already completed TWO courses, and earned TWO FULL credits ! i cannot not brag. i tried to be humble the last time i mentioned it when she knocked out english - in 4 days. but c'mon folks--- another class-- another credit -- in another 3 days? genius . no less than a genius . and she's mine. i can't accept the credit for her brilliance. i wish i could. but i really think she got that from her dad. he is an intelligent man. it's not like i stumbled into a fishin farm and chose the first guy i saw with a fish in his hand. no no no. i got to know him, and to be honest-- his intelligence is one of the things that i actually found to be intriguing about him. most guys i was used to 'dating' were wrench turners in the navy with me. not to put myself down. it does take some knowledge to troubleshoot, repair, and keep a airplane in the air. but - honestly, it's a different type. ya know?so anyhow-- yep. her next two classes, that we don't expect her to complete in the very few weeks left of school, are math and biology. two very tough classes. but if by chance she does.... do y'all realize realize-- that would be four - FOUR - high school credits earned in less than eight weeks? that is amazing to me. she is amazing to me. i am bursting with pride for that girl. and i just wanted to let ya know that :)) so now ya know.

• ummm. next? that would be my coffee pot / maker debacle. y'all know my birthday came and went-- right along with mothers day. so between those two spoil soul days, and the closeness of them. i did get spoiled, and too much money was spent. unintentionally. it was spread out over like a week or two, so we didn't notice so much til it was too late. lemmee just say it's been a tough 2-3 days round here. but no one's gone hungry or suffered without anything-- like cigs , coffee, gas, food, etc. bills are ALL paid--and on time-- ouch- i think i hurt myself pattin my back there. but anyhow-- we finally got the Kuereg we've been wanting for a long time. we haven't had it long enough yet to figure out if it saves money yet or not-- but it wasn't cheap to find out. we do love it tho. it would cost an arm and a leg if i still had a two pot a day habit- but i don't. between us, we may drink 6 or 7 lil cup things a day. and if my math is right-- which it is prolly not- i figure they cost maybe 46 cents each. so-- yeh i don't know yet. i know before we dumped about half a pot a day out. so hell if i know-- but i like it- cuz i don't struggle with it- soulman doesn't feel like he has to get up just to make coffee- i can use it easy cheazy. and it's good coffee. hopefully, in the long run it will turn out to be a money saver. we shall see.
• also-- there was this--- it was a last minute duel day thing for me. not cheap. i know, right. we really need to grow up some. ok a lot. we've never been good with money though. i mean bills always get paid. late perhaps-- maybe days- or weeks-- but always paid. but as for saving anything. we have always sucked at that. tomorrow is payday-- and as for checking and savings? we are starting with close enough to a zero balance. a lot of shit came up tho-- like the fridge, and dr's and the stuff i mentioned. oh and the thing i'm workin up to here :{ you'd get it too-- if you were me (Soul)... i already have this one---

so how could i pass up this one?
it's been discontinued-- last chance deal-


soulman wanted me to have it- and so did i
so we got it. it's a "SOL"

• and hey, what the hell, i had 30 bucks cash in my mothers day card-- yeh i know -- but it was from the petty cash fund :)) so before the reel was even thought of -- i already spent that money on fishin baits and tackle. -- which btw i haven't been able to even use ANY of-- due to crappy weather-- or pain.

• speakin of which -- i had those shots in my spine on, umm, monday. they seem to have helped some. i'm taking less meds. limping less noticeably-- not like "Egor" , things are more comfortable. i even went to the grocery store-- alone- for the first time in literally months, and got a few days groceries. and carried it in and put it away. go me. go mr doctor man. hey any little bit is a miracle. right.

• i reckon there aint much else to say. oh cept we have been bantering back and forth on our TN vacation plans. worried about the flooding and the lake conditions out there. but apparently it's all settled now. it seems that the place we are going is and will be fine for what we are planning. so we shall be headed out to kentucky lake area the end of june. hooray for that. lookin forward to it. we are gonna meet a looong time friend from blog land. known her a few years, and she's like the lil sis i never had. my partner in crime. we'll see what kinda trouble we can get into. out there in redneckville :)) it'll be great fun. i know it will. plus soulkid gets to take a friend along as well. so it should be fun for all. boatin, fishin, tubin, eatin, name it--- if it involves food, fishin, water, sun, fun, bein free in the south in the summer on the lake-- y'all know that's my calling. i can't wait!
• haha-- looks like i outlasted my battery-- for once-- i think i also have run out of stuff to say.

but there you have the soulland update-- kinda sorta.

what's happenin at your place?
any big plans on the way?

i must sleep now-- hope y'all get good sleep- and a pleasant tomorrow :))