Saturday, November 26, 2016

THE PRODIGAL DAUGHTER RETURNS

Hello, to all who enter here.  
Long time, no see, right?  well, it isn't for lack of trying.  this here blog has been nelected... moved.... changed... renamed.....relocated... and nothing good has come from that.    
I reckon all that -- running? -- was due to a lack of knowing who I was.  am.  was heading to be.  whatever.  but every time i tried to change-- or move-- or leave this blog--- Nothing. Ever. Worked.
Today-- I know why.  because -- THIS is where I should have stayed -- the whole time.   Not thinking that a new name--- or location -- for my words would be any better or different.  
i heard today -- "If you aren't growing, You're dying".  (Steven Furtick) ... that resonated with me , because anyone reading this who KNOWS me --- Knows that I don't DO much.  guess what --- not a lot of us do.  i let myself beome ashamed and isolated because I thought I had nothing to offer.  anyone -- but i had nothing left to offer You.  and that was difficult for me.  so much so that it wasn't long before i would stop writing altogether -- every time i Thought and Hoped that change would make everything all better.  it never did.  something was Always missing.  today I realized that what has been missing --- is THIS place.  This page.  This blog.  right here.
well.... 'bloom where you're planted' wasn't said for the wind to hear.  that is something my mother said a lot-- even tho she , nor her kids were ever planted anywhere long enough to bloom.  
but -- i digress.   i should have just stayed right here.  in these pages.  in this blog.  change is inevitable... and pain is optional.   raise your hand if you've heard that one before.   well, i would hit a time that i felt i couldn't write  --- wether that be writers block--- or trying to protect another 'souls' personal business.  i would get to where i thought it better for all that i just not even atempt to write.  that was always easy for me to tell myself.  and no matter how often i thought of you-- or how much i wanted to say something to you -- or to anyone --- i could always easily talk myself out of writing... here --- or another place .   i have suffered drastically for that.  for keeping all my thoughts inside my head.   i have lost a lot... and to know that, shows me that i have somehow cheated not only myself, but y'all.  in ways that i'm not sure i can explain.... but if you have felt it then you know exactly what i mean.
and that's all i have to say about that.
so.  here i am.  back at my roots.  where it all began.  where i met so many wonderful people.... where i found My Voice.  no more moving around.... no more hiding my head in the sand.  i am here, and here is where i belong.
mazal-toff!  (well, you get the idea)
happy Holidays to you --- 
Christmas is coming --- New Years follows --- time for change is now.  
i hope you all have happy days in your worlds ---- i will.
ttfn

4 comments:

Cheryl said...

Hi Soul sister!
I've been reading J's blog tonight and followed a link to you. We sure had some times back in the day. No matter how much time has passed, we're still a tribe. You're still my friend. I sure wish I could write like I used to, but life gets in the way. I'll be on the lookout for more from you.

Josie Two Shoes said...

Ok Soul Sis, Jamie's back on her blog weekly, and now Cheryl is too, and I'm still alive and kickin' a**, so get your butt back here and update, once a week is doable, huh? We'd love to keep up with how you're doing, I love you very much! <3

Jamie said...

Ditto from the previous two!! I've hoped to find you here again. I know none of us can actually go back to where we were but we can try --- at least that's what I hope to do. Just trying to find a reason to smile. Hope you're well.

XX

J.

SOUL said...

awwwww--- my besties !!! i never got a notice that y'all posted here -- so it was a very nice surprise to see your beautiful faces when I opened this page up. well, and Jamies cat :)
OX