Showing posts with label coming home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coming home. Show all posts

Saturday, November 26, 2016

THE PRODIGAL DAUGHTER RETURNS

Hello, to all who enter here.  
Long time, no see, right?  well, it isn't for lack of trying.  this here blog has been nelected... moved.... changed... renamed.....relocated... and nothing good has come from that.    
I reckon all that -- running? -- was due to a lack of knowing who I was.  am.  was heading to be.  whatever.  but every time i tried to change-- or move-- or leave this blog--- Nothing. Ever. Worked.
Today-- I know why.  because -- THIS is where I should have stayed -- the whole time.   Not thinking that a new name--- or location -- for my words would be any better or different.  
i heard today -- "If you aren't growing, You're dying".  (Steven Furtick) ... that resonated with me , because anyone reading this who KNOWS me --- Knows that I don't DO much.  guess what --- not a lot of us do.  i let myself beome ashamed and isolated because I thought I had nothing to offer.  anyone -- but i had nothing left to offer You.  and that was difficult for me.  so much so that it wasn't long before i would stop writing altogether -- every time i Thought and Hoped that change would make everything all better.  it never did.  something was Always missing.  today I realized that what has been missing --- is THIS place.  This page.  This blog.  right here.
well.... 'bloom where you're planted' wasn't said for the wind to hear.  that is something my mother said a lot-- even tho she , nor her kids were ever planted anywhere long enough to bloom.  
but -- i digress.   i should have just stayed right here.  in these pages.  in this blog.  change is inevitable... and pain is optional.   raise your hand if you've heard that one before.   well, i would hit a time that i felt i couldn't write  --- wether that be writers block--- or trying to protect another 'souls' personal business.  i would get to where i thought it better for all that i just not even atempt to write.  that was always easy for me to tell myself.  and no matter how often i thought of you-- or how much i wanted to say something to you -- or to anyone --- i could always easily talk myself out of writing... here --- or another place .   i have suffered drastically for that.  for keeping all my thoughts inside my head.   i have lost a lot... and to know that, shows me that i have somehow cheated not only myself, but y'all.  in ways that i'm not sure i can explain.... but if you have felt it then you know exactly what i mean.
and that's all i have to say about that.
so.  here i am.  back at my roots.  where it all began.  where i met so many wonderful people.... where i found My Voice.  no more moving around.... no more hiding my head in the sand.  i am here, and here is where i belong.
mazal-toff!  (well, you get the idea)
happy Holidays to you --- 
Christmas is coming --- New Years follows --- time for change is now.  
i hope you all have happy days in your worlds ---- i will.
ttfn