well, howdaya like me now?
yeh. that's what i thought. first, i gotta come in here yesterday ,and whine like a big baby. then of all things that i crybaby about? i turn around and do it right back. not my intention. i ended up sleepin the whole day long. not sure when i laid down today. 10-11 maybe , but i didn't get back up til maybe i think 7 P.M. yes i know . i'm just worthless. oh sorry. tryin not to whine, and it starts again.
really, i don't mean to get like this. it's gotta be the frekin back stuff. for days i've been crippled. to the point of discussing 'scooters-- vs. segways' with my family. of course, i am not ready for either one, but they do beat the hell out of a wheel chair. at least at this point in my life. i started bawlin like a child in that discussion. as i did when we bought this house, knowing that the stairs would be a problem. soulman, talked then about installing a stair- chair lift thing. i couldn't , and still refuse to face that idea. no way. so, yeh folks. stuff like this, just wears on me. it gets to me. and it depresses me.
i did however get my appointment scheduled for the lumbar steroid injection in my back. unfortunately, it is gonna be for when soulman is out of town next week. so i am hoping it works ok, as i will need a 'driver'. if i wait til soulman is home? it will be weeks.. and i can't be 'like this' that long. i'm fallin apart as it is.
i'm sittin here as it is. realizing that i have been home, for days. on my ass, if not in bed. virtually, a damn invalid. and it's just not fun. it makes me think about -- not bein able to clean the mess that i glare at up - at all. no bending, standing, lifting, no nuthin. or- not bein able to go out on the boat-- i have yet to be on it. well i did sit on it in the driveway one day while soulman worked on. but man, i wanna go out on it-- on the lake and fish. ya know. also - i think- even the pond-- i can't stand and walk to even friggin bank fish right now. not to mention carryin all the rods and tackle to get there.
soulman and soulkid finally made it to the grocery store today -- we were really out of everything. it was sad. and upsetting.
for me, to watch myself over these past maybe 8-10 years go from a totally independent do all - truly really run and do everything from wake up til go to bed... to this -- this thing that i am now? it simply angers me. i'm less than half of who i used to be.
twenty years ago? 'someone' told me "no one is ever gonna marry you - you're too independent".
obviously -- someone did marry me... but not the me i am.. i went from the be all - do all -- to being almost totally dependent . and i can't like it.
anyhow-- i spose i'm at the venting stage of my ' i've fallen and i can't get up' thing--
it'll pass soon.. i'll be back to 'normal' soon.
bleh.
sorry folks.
ps-- do watch gilbert grape-- it's so good. i think i need to watch it again.
really, i don't mean to get like this. it's gotta be the frekin back stuff. for days i've been crippled. to the point of discussing 'scooters-- vs. segways' with my family. of course, i am not ready for either one, but they do beat the hell out of a wheel chair. at least at this point in my life. i started bawlin like a child in that discussion. as i did when we bought this house, knowing that the stairs would be a problem. soulman, talked then about installing a stair- chair lift thing. i couldn't , and still refuse to face that idea. no way. so, yeh folks. stuff like this, just wears on me. it gets to me. and it depresses me.
i did however get my appointment scheduled for the lumbar steroid injection in my back. unfortunately, it is gonna be for when soulman is out of town next week. so i am hoping it works ok, as i will need a 'driver'. if i wait til soulman is home? it will be weeks.. and i can't be 'like this' that long. i'm fallin apart as it is.
i'm sittin here as it is. realizing that i have been home, for days. on my ass, if not in bed. virtually, a damn invalid. and it's just not fun. it makes me think about -- not bein able to clean the mess that i glare at up - at all. no bending, standing, lifting, no nuthin. or- not bein able to go out on the boat-- i have yet to be on it. well i did sit on it in the driveway one day while soulman worked on. but man, i wanna go out on it-- on the lake and fish. ya know. also - i think- even the pond-- i can't stand and walk to even friggin bank fish right now. not to mention carryin all the rods and tackle to get there.
soulman and soulkid finally made it to the grocery store today -- we were really out of everything. it was sad. and upsetting.
for me, to watch myself over these past maybe 8-10 years go from a totally independent do all - truly really run and do everything from wake up til go to bed... to this -- this thing that i am now? it simply angers me. i'm less than half of who i used to be.
twenty years ago? 'someone' told me "no one is ever gonna marry you - you're too independent".
obviously -- someone did marry me... but not the me i am.. i went from the be all - do all -- to being almost totally dependent . and i can't like it.
anyhow-- i spose i'm at the venting stage of my ' i've fallen and i can't get up' thing--
it'll pass soon.. i'll be back to 'normal' soon.
bleh.
sorry folks.
ps-- do watch gilbert grape-- it's so good. i think i need to watch it again.
7 comments:
How will you manage the treatment with Soulman out of town. Can Soul Kid manage to drive you home? I wish I was close enough to help out. I ain't fast and I am far from perfect but I am dependable.
I'm not fishing boat savy. What do you do when you have to go potty? However it works I hope you are able to fish from your new boat soon.
Better days ahead. There has to be..for both of us. Hang in.
:)
mary, i actually thought about soulkid drivin me. she is actually gettin quite good, and does has her permit. the only thing is-- the licensed driver with her-- must be , alert -- and on the way home - i am usually awake -- but not alert. i'm still coming out of the 'anesthesia'. not full stuff.. kinda versed type stuff. but 'you' aren't sposed to drive for 24 hours. i don't know. she hasn't been pulled over yet, and there is a 'back way' to keep her off the highway. but also--i am hoping that she will have her ass in school.
thanks for the laugh about potty-in on the boat. :))
actually -- that is the only time i ever have penis envy :)) soulman finds a cove or somewhere no one is around and he just pees -- just like the rest of em.
as for me... of course he tries to find a private olace -- but i gotta hang my ass off the side to pee hahah-- yes really. one of my videos i have -- there's even a pic of me in action :)) -- ya don't see anything- but ya can figger out what's goin on. i was so mad at him for takin that pic - for years-- now it's just funny. in it i had a broken foot even. try bein hobbled AND have yer butt hangin off the back of a boat tryin to pee without anyone seein ya !
hmmm, crazy times. can't wait for more :))
and thanks - i know you'd help me out- hell -- we'd both be takin turns with each other eh.
i have someone in mind - still need to talk to her :))
have a good day -- you still all ok from the spill the other day-- i hope so -
i hear ya jamie-- hope you're doin ok. i thought of you while i was writin this. i know you aren't much--if any better.
take care.
Here's hoping the steroid injection works well for you. Does soul-kid have any friends who drive that can help you out? Teens can come through for you just when you least expect it. Good luck, I'm thinking of you. Hugs, C
hiya charlotte -- the thing about that - askin a 'kid' is that it's on a monday. so therein lies that problem. bleh. ooohhh wait -- it's the monday after easter-- is that a school - day??
anybody know?
hugs C!
You're gonna see I'm backtracking with reading your blog. I'll post here and there. Getting a scooter for my mom was the best thing ever. If it comes to that for you, and I'd highly recommend it, get the lightest, easiest one to take apart and get in the car, that you can. My mom has a Fold n Go, I think. It takes a minute to put together/take apart. My dad later bought a fancy model that no one uses because it's almost impossible to deal with. Just a FYI. Also, somehow, Emily was a great driver from the start. I had some scares, but she quickly became great at it. She got her license on Monday. Good luck with you and your kid :)
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