chillen chatter

i'm pretty late today getting a post up--- kinda staggering between blogs.. and bank crap... and dogs.. and other misc stuff. i can't seem to stay focussed on any one particular thing today. well- that shouldn't be a surprise. i am never focussed am i?

anyhow--- simonsays/jamie at everyone thinks i can fix it ---->> linked ovah there --->>>>
posted, ummm, yesterday (?) about the way her kids spoke, and things they would say when they were little. and how these words or phrases seem to hang around -- even years later.

well, it seems she has started a trend , and others are posting about their own family sayings... OLDY, just did hers today--- but, most of you can't even read it--- unless you have an invite by email from her --- cuz "oldy-man" is a butthead and made her go private with her blog .
does that bother me.. umm yes a bit. but it's not my blog--- or my man.. so i'm ok. :)) but it is really cute ... perhaps i will post hers here so everyone can see it... cuz it is really good. maybe cuz it's my family-- but i don't think so--our kids are just damn cute!

so anyhow... on to my own.. family words and phrases post---

soulkid--- of course i shall start with her-- she started talking really young. she didn't really use a lot of baby talk.. she talked in regular words most of the time, although there were some she didn't quite pick up on right away... partly, in my opinion, it was because we didn't talk to her in baby talk.. there was no "nannas" or --- well shit-- would you believe i have forgotten all the baby words to even use for examples.. but who can forget nanas. right.

well anyhow---
oldy already discussed one of her favorite words.. which was "gucky".... she didn't quite remember the way that word came about though.. so i will explain....
she was soooo totally addicted to a pacifier--- good Lord.. that kid would have one in her mouth and one in each hand ... i soooo regretted ever giving it to her. i was surprised she ever learned to talk at all with her mouth stuffed with that thing almost all the time.
well.. anyhow-- her dad and i knew "pacifier" was too big a word for a baby--- we had a dog that we had called darinka, before she was born.. which for some unkown reason i began to call "binky" so--- binky was out. we had no idea that the dog would be out of the picture before she learned to talk-- but that's another story---- so anyhow-- there we were with already three strikes against us for a word for the most important thing to our baby. she would almost have rather had that damn thing in her mouth than food. but anyhow....
we finally decided that we would call it a "sucker"..... THINKING.. that by the time that she would actually be eating candy suckers-- the gucky would be long gone--- we were wrong.. she kept that thing til her fourth birthday, when we told her it was the gucky--- or us-- she threw all of them in the trash and never looked back. i'm just kidding...we really didn't say them or us-- but she really did throw em away on her own, and that was that. but i can't believe it took four whole years to do it...
anyhow--- she couldn't say sucker-- so she said "Gucky"... and that is what a pacifier has been to all of us for the last 13 years.
we also had a cat-- we named him Gucky-- in honor of THE Gucky-- HOPING she would transfer her love to the cat--- never happened.... but again.. the cat-- another story-- and trust me.. now is not the time for that one.

good lord.. if it is gonna take me that long to explain every word i may as well hang it up right now.
i shall try to be less descript...

oh yes.. here's a good one..
at least i think so--
she was maybe two-- or so. y'all know my memory-- and YES it is sad that i can't even remember her age at times such as these--
anyhow.. pretty sure she was close to two-- just cuz of where we lived...
soulman had a habit of saying stuff to other drivers on the road... still does in fact--
anyhow, one of the most common things that he would say back then was
"outta the way clown!"
so there we are, drivin down the street, obviously she had heard him say it enough by then to know exactly why he said it and what it meant...
well... some asshat was driving like five miles an hour, and i guess she could sense his frustration... so before even HE could say it-- she shouts out-- quite plainly, "outta the way clown!!"
it was soooo cute.

ahhhh... then there was this one...

somewhere near like one and a half years old or so two maybe-- walkin and talkin ... but not perfectly yet--
well, my sister had moved from washington to florida where we were, and her, her boys, and her , i think two cats--- stayed with us for like a week or so til they found a house---
so her cat .. a grown, male, was walking across the living room ... and there goes soulkid... chasing after him... pointing at his .. well, his balls.. ... and she kept trying to grab them, saying "somethin, somethin"
she thought they weren't supposed to be there, and she was gonna take them off! just trying to be helpful ya know :))

ok.. anyhow--- i will move on to some things my nephews said that i remember or say from time to time---

the first to come to mind is... the youngest... he had a real problem with his speech.. only the family knew what he was saying, and much of the time his older brothers would have to translate for him..... he speaks perfectly fine now btw--- but it took until he was about 8 ish, to get it down. after years of speech classes.
anyhow---
one time , my mother, her at the time (obviously) boyfriend, and i , had him, and we all went to breakfast at dennys' or somewhere like that.
he was maybe 4ish. so the waitress assumes that he would be able to order his drink for himself...
so.. she asks what he would like to drink.. he says

"bite and some baby"
i really hadn't spent a lot of time with him, as he was the youngest and i was in the navy..so i was pretty much still in the learning stage of his unique language... i could communicate with him.. but "bite and baby".. i hadn't heard before.
after being asked by the waitress, myself, and my mother-- a few times-- he grew frustrated.. and managed to say it a little louder-- somehow i picked up on it-- and what he was requesting???
sprite, and gravy!!!!

to him.. coke was "hoke" and that boy could smell hoke from ten feet away-- "i hmeww hoke!"

cartoons? hawtoons!

sweet sweet kid. and much much easier to talk to these days :))

number two---
loved music.. he had one of those-- really old these days-- but a playskool? radio? like from the 70s or 80s?? remember them? well it was like his favorite thing..
but he couldn't say radio----
it was a wanio...
his favorite song was the jeffersons theme.. that show would come on tv..and it didn't matter where he was or what he was doing-- he would run to the tv and dance while watching it come on... when the song was done....so was he.

number one-- i spent the most time of all three with him... i was still living at home when he was born...and at times would live with or close to my sis.. or at least visit-- but of course-- he was young-- long before soulkid... so i have to reach even further back for his memories...
i do remember when he was like 2... he talked young too...
the whole family lived in one house in colorado--- and where we lived there was lots of squirrels and trees etc... and he really loved to sit on the deck..which we called a porch... it had a bench or a swing-- i'm not sure which anymore--
but i was in high school at the time.. and really the only one that would be gone during the day, so when i got home he had missed me all day and would want to play--
so one of the things he said often..was
"bennna benna benna , come sit on da poach"...

i can't believe that was soooo long ago.

well anyhow--
i am certain i will think of more later-- but for now-- this is all i can remember--- sad but true.

maybe i shall do a part two when i haven't already blabbed so much...and i remember more.

have happy days...

today i get my hair done.. wish me NOT to go orange again.

i know you don't want to hear me whine-- so here's a smile -

Global Warming? My ASS!

happy satahday peeps....

well.. in case your world looks like this.....

which apparently , most of ours do -
even the one's that shouldn't do -
or they at least feel like it.
it's crap, i say!
absolute crap.
there is frost on our cars this morning.
texas. sure.
a week ago it was in the 70's for like THREE days.
ugh how i wish those days would return.

i get depressed and mean when it's cold, and i never want to even go outside.
in fact--- once again ---
this place looks like old mother Hubbard owns it.
purely because i don't want to have to walk through a huge parking lot to shop-
well.. i don't want to push a heavy ass cart either--
but today, unlike recent many -- i believe i could manage.
so anyhow...

i'm a cry baby -- and i am begging the sun gods for warmth.
sunshine, and some very active large bass.
i want to go fishin.
i want to wear shorts.
i hate to be cold, and wear layers of bulky clothes.
i hate to wear coats...
and more than anything----
i hate long sleeves..
i hate anything, aside from a watch to touch my wrist---
i don't know why-- i just always have.

sooooo - anyhow...

THIS place right here -
is where i would really love to be right now.
even though i am not much of a saltwater fisher-person :))
i don't even need to fish.. i would just hang out-- and drink ;
well -- mango smoothies all day on the beach.
i know-- most of you would have something more fun and intoxicating, but well...
i'm actually more fun without alcohol.
i just need sun and heat and minimal clothing to be happy.

i know there is a need for the change in seasons...
i only wish this freezin crap didn't last so damn long.
everyone, and everything survives in the tropics.. why does it have to be so damned cold here???

know why i care so much?
because
THIS:

is ME-
when it is cold...
well, minus the dress.. i don't wear dresses.
i am just too clumsy for dresses..
and i don't go anywhere that requires i wear one...
so ... i don't even own one.
saves on shoes too :))


so anyhow---

that's about it for today ...
a weather whine.

i spose i shall update later if i find anything of importance or humor to share....

hope you all find a way to be warm --
or drunk--
or something other than locked inside today!
most likely that is where i will be.

here i am at yet another unGodly hour -

hard to believe that it's already an hour after i got out of bed. wth?? yep, another one of those mornings. it started actually at about 2 a.m. i rolled over in bed.. .. and somehow managed to knock Sushi clear off the damn bed onto the floor! it's quite a drop i might add-- especially for a small dog. i heard the wind blow out of her with a grunt, like a football player being squished by a three hundred pound linebacker or something. i thought she might really be hurt. the bed is pretty high off the ground. so anyhow, that of course wakes up midnight-- all in a panic thinking the boogey man has come to get us-- yes she does still have that protective streak-- but it's actually sad to see it in action-- as she is , blind, mostly deaf, and extremely confused... she can never figure out where a sudden unfamiliar sound comes from,,, but she tries. so, at the same time... there i am... looking around in the dark.. for an injured sushi-- like that's all i need right now, a damn broken leg-- or something, on her. but, she was fine.. i got her back in the bed.. got midnight settled down. well hell--- by then, soulman was wondering wth just happened.... i got up and went to use the back bathroom.. so it wouldn't bother him while he was trying to sleep--- came back thinking.... ok... one last ditch effort to go back to sleep .. it could happen... no school--- soulkid is gone at a friends for the night... .. so i settle back into bed, the animals are calm... then--- soulman has to get up-- ugh. he doesn't use the back bathroom... he uses the one in our room... that has a retarded door, two actually-- but anyhow-- its the reason i use the other one when he is asleep. so, he gets back in bed, and the freakin cat starts playin with a damn plastic bag of some sort-- wal mart or somewhere-- he starts hissin at the cat to make her stop----- and there i am... it was ALL over but the cryin. i got up--- 250 a.m. woo hoo.

hubby on the other hand went immediately back to sleep--- the dogs AND cats were insane-- until like ten minutes ago-- now they are all asleep again... but me??? yep--- HERE i am.
doin the smoke n choke.

what a way to start my damn day. i know i sound crabby-- but i'm just venting. i'm goin on coffee #3, and might be on cig 5 by now. with the animals settles, the house quiet agian, and me calming down from the fiasco of earlier--- it's not so bad.

plus--- i don't see a terribly busy day ahead of me.. not like the last few. i am sooo caught up i think i'm a little scared of myself. :))
i worked my ass off yesterday. in the house. i had really been failing behind this passed week, but sure made up for it yesterday.
and the day before, y'all know i got caught up on all my bills... ugh.. i shouldn't even go there. basically we went broke broke that day. to a point of a very uncomfortable state of mind for me. for several months, we had finally been feeling pretty good about our financial situation--- for probably the first time in most of our married life... but , it was quite unsettling to watch like 90 0/0 of everything go away in one --- ok a couple days. but hey-- i am grateful that it was there to go where it needed to. without selling or borrowing to get it done. that was kind of a new feeling. the bein broke-- i am used to. it's quite familiar. i just somehow thought i would have a set limit to never get below again--- and well-- i kinda blew that. but mostly this was because of the new car. i am sure we will get caught back up in a few months. it's not like we're ruined forever. so i think we shall live.

anyhow---
todays agenda???
hubby works... the child is gone-- don't know when she will come home--- but really-- i am caught up with all my major crap--- if i really wanted to , i could sort stuff for goodwill...... or ... i could go fishin--- but it is like 40 degrees--- soooo----- it is so highly unlikely that will will happen, i don't even know why i said it. ummm... i really don't know what i will do with myself today--- but the day is mine. and it feels weird to have a day that i can actually do what i want-- whatever that may be-- and not feel guilty of what i should be doing-- cuz all that's DONE!
yep-- even my laundry AND dishes!!!

soooo anyhow.....
i spose that might just be it for now

i hope you all have good days today---
and better weekends to follow

well, let's see if i can do any better today shall we?

apparently yesterdays post was quite the downer for most . y'all know that wasn't my intention.
i considered deleting it. but then re-thought that, and decided - i just deleted nearly a year of my life on this blog, and i wasn't about to start making a habit of that; simply because i feel i may have made some folks uncomfortable. this blog is my almost daily life -- and most of you know, my life isn't filled with candy canes and fairy tales. it just isn't. it never has been. and i am brutally honest about that. if anybody who reads here can't handle what happens here then don't read here. it's your choice.
every single one of you know how i feel about you. i shouldn't have to explain that--- or myself. i shouldn't have to defend myself, my family, my feelings, myself, or what i say here. ok.. i take the last part back-- i know there are times, i say the wrong thing... i think i apologize when i realize it though.. sometimes it takes longer than others to realize i've done that-- but when i do--- i make it right. or at least i hope i do. my intention is not to hurt anybody here. ever.

so anyhow....
on to other things....
there are no other things.
i am trapped at home today. hubby had to take my drivers license to work with him so he could fax it to the car place. i don't know. it's some stupid crap. i was apparently on the first loan on the nissan... and the title--- but now, i am NOT on this loan.. or the title-- which actually burns my ass a bit. but for some damn reason they need a copy of my license-- even though the loan went through fine.. i don't know.. i'm not a car person. so, i was sposed to fax it yesterday--- but .. well, i didnt.... then we were gonna do it last night when we went out-- and didn't.. so hubby took it to work...so now i can't drive today--- because with my damn luck--- today, without a license-- with the wrong friggin address, because , yep you guessed it-- we didn't get new ones yet-- today would be the day i'd get stopped for something. and that would just be lovely. so i will just stay here. thank you very much.
besides, soulkid gets home early again today anyhow.
and yes... in case you are wondering she does know how to let herself into the house, and is quite capable of doing so, and being alone ... i just prefer to be here. i'm overprotective that way.
if you lived my life, you would know why.

anyhow-- i think i sound quite bitchy this morning. perhaps i should go for a while.

i will be taking care of some business, and more catchup, and the dreaded housework today. that is how being trapped here for the day will pay off. i do have a lot to do here today. hopefully the motivation deficiency i suffer will not affect me .

i hope you all enjoy your days today---

time flies when ya don't get off yo arse (and more)

i am still the great soul-crastinator. i don't think that will ever change. unfortunately.

i've been sittin here lookin at-- and adding to my ever growing "list" ... OMG. i need an assistant. i need a lot of things actually. i don't know how my life has gotten so out of control, but it has. i have lost all sense of responsibility. wth?

i know this past few weeks-- or months actually, have been one of those .. baby steps, kinda times around here. so much has been happening here in soul land. but at the same time.. it feels like nothing has been accomplished.

i think it has gotten easy for me to make excuses for myself to not do what i need to to keep things movin around here. and that's not such a good thing. so today is catchup day. i hope.
soulkid told me LAST NIGHT... at like 1030.. i get out of school early tomorrow.. gee that's great.. on a day that i would probably be gone til 3 oclock.. she'll be home at 1. yippee. just how much catchin up can i do in that amount of time. this is where prioritizing comes in... i spose. ICK. i really hate "the list".. especially when it is bigger than me.

so anyhow--- that's where i will be most of the early part of the day-- payin my late bills , in person.. and you know how i love the standing in line etc... and other crap.
then i will have to do my chores when i get done with the outside stuff-- after i'm all tired and worn out this afternoon. like that will happen. i already need a nap-- and it's 9 a.m. this cannot be good.

my sleep schedule is so screwed up-it's making me crazy... go to bed to early get up too early-- last night i went to bed late and still got up early-- even tho i set my alarm for later than normal. not that i hardly ever make it to my alarm anyways... but it happens sometimes.

midnight wouldn't wake up again today-- but she didn't sleep as late as last time she slept in. that's seems strange to talk about a dog sleeping late. but that's just her. or me. dunno.
anyhow-- it may be too soon to mention this.. so do me a favor-- and save the condolences for monday.. or even sunday night. ok? because at this point i'm ok with it. really.
but i did make the arrangements ... the dreaded appointment--- for monday at noon. that was the earliest time that all three of us could be there . soulkid has tests this week at school, so we will wait til sat or sunday to say anything about it to her. i just don't want to ruin her weekend. she sounds like a little turd a lot of times... but she isn't. and i would do anything in the world to spare her pain. i don't think i give her enough credit at times for being as mature as she is... i think she might handle this well... i just fear that she won't. and maybe i'm not at the point of acceptance that i think i am, but only in denial. i know that's very possible.. especially with a person like me. i won't know anything about anything until it's over.
i DO know that this is what is best for midnight though. and i know that the time is right. actually.. we probably waited a bit longer than we should have, but the time is now. for her.
i am hoping that "someone" will take my picture with her... but i am having a hard time bringing myself to ask for that. maybe i'll take it myself.. like one of my fish pics. should i stick my tongue in her mouth for it??? :))

i gotta get UP, and do something productive today... before i drown in a sea of laundry and animal hair--- not to mention the stackage of bills that must be paid.

hope you all have happy days today

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////

2:02 p.m

see what a kick in the ass will do?
i finished all my crap-- and was home by 1 for soulkid ... and ate lunch --- and i just may take a nap too.
hmmmm. well.
anyhow---
apparently in the above section, i chose poor wording? or whatever?
i wasn't looking for sympathy-- or advice-- i was just spewing whatever came to mind at the time. i'm not a post planner, as y'all may know by now. i start typing, and when i'm done, i post whatever is there.
soooo... anyhow.. i hope your days are good ones...
latah

well.. how bout lots of random crap about me

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
   
   my gawd, do something with that hair of yours!

2. How much cash do you have on you?

for once in like 6 months, I have a twenty ! I’ve had it for like two weeks too.. but, I think I may have to part with it tonight… kids. Hmmmm.

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?

POOR!

4. Favorite planet?

to live on? Or to look at? Earth to live on, the moon to look at.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

ummmm…that is not good.. it was soulkid…oh, but, Dec 15^th. Wonder what I was doin. Moving perhaps.

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?

I am too technologically challenged for such things

7. What shirt are you wearing?

a plain green Russell t-shirt with a pocket sexy huh?

8. Do you label yourself?

if , retahded, mental, and lazy, are labels then I suppose I do.

9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?

gray socks that were white at one time.

10. Bright or Dark Room?

Dark.....but I don’t have a dark room here… it is very bright in this place. Which is prolly a good thing but it gets irritating sometimes. (except at night of course)

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?

think she may have been on crack at the time… she was quite funny

12. What does your watch look like?

like a three year old cheap ass timex sports type of watch.. but hey—it’s still tickin

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?

sleepin…. Cuz I’m exciting that way

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?

hmmm….haha.. it was from soulkid – yesterday- “you should pick me up at 2” (NOT)

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?

about two miles to my right.. wanna bring me coffee and a newspaper Oldy..

16. What's a word that you say a lot?

not sure but I bet it’s damn.. or dammit

17. Who told you he/she loved you last?

hubby I think

18. Last furry thing you touched?

it was midnight a little while ago – I petted her head – cuz she was cryin

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?

ya right…surely y’all don’t want MY list -- ? but I assure you, it did not include anything fun, or illegal

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?

OMG.. my best guess would be twenty—at least. But I have NO idea where they even are at this point--- after our recent move—I can’t find a thing.

21. Favorite age you have been so far?

I’m pretty sure it was 24. I shoulda bottled that shit.

22. Your worst enemy?

the medical community dontcha know

23. What is your current desktop picture?

it is the cute sloth with the shades on

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?

ummmm… out loud? Does American idol come on tonight? (it does btw)

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?

i’ll take the cash… then buy a plane ticket !

26. Do you like someone?

I like several someones…

27. The last song you listened to?

not sure—but it was on the Blue October cd in my car

28. What time of day were you born?

not a clue

29. What’s your favorite number?

black 13 for roulette no other number ever really crosses my mind

30. Where did you live in 1987?

hmmm… san diego… that was a fun time too.. that was biker bar time in fact (ish)

31. Are you jealous of anyone?

ummm no. I think I have enough crap on my mind

32. Is anyone jealous of you?

I highly doubt that

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?

I was at home….. then I went and got soulkid out of school and came back home.

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?

it’s rare that I use them, but I prolly get pissed off and leave.. after pushing every possible button five or six times of course

35. Do you consider yourself kind?

yes I do.

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?

I don’t even want the two that I have, but If I did get one, it would be a cover up of the crap I have.

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?

prolly Spanish. but really I just can’t see ME speaking fluent Spanish—it was funny to listen to my dad speak it.

38. Would you move for the person you loved?

Yes. I would not like it.. but I would do it…. But NEVER again to NM.. and he knows it.

39. Are you touchy feely?

No I am not.

40. What’s your life motto?

can’t have nuthin!

41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?

cigs, lighter ,cell phone, keys. DL, and a fishin license... don’t leave home without em

42. What’s your favorite town/city?

I’m not sure I have one. But if I HAD to move--- I would go to Jacksonville FL

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?

I have no friggin idea. I almost never use cash.

44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?

I gotta go with a Christmas card here.

45. Can you change the oil on a car?

prolly not anymore…but , like oldy—I know how to drive it to juffy lube!

46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?

I married him… so umm.. “dad’s takin me to the mall “ wheeeeee. And NO I am NOT going

47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?

not very far. I have been told a lot, but I remember very little . I am supposedly related somehow to john mccain, and ted Williams though. I don’t know the details tho.

48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?

LOL.. I think this would be my wedding.. fifteen years ago.

49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?

umm.. let’s move on shall we..

50. Have you been burned by love?

Anyone over the age of five has I think. So yep

lessons on chinese cuisine from singapore

looks like i'm not the only one who gets nutty when i'm stahvin!

y'all need to go check out Blur-Tings'
Hungry and bored
post

it is quite entertaining -
and educational TOO :))

just a quick hello for now

i don't have time to say much right now... just that i have a lot to do this morning... but will get somethin new up here in a while.

i really hope it is not another dead end with the doctah... but i went yet again yesterday... expecting absolutely nothing. every med he has given me for pain has caused more harm than good..and he is one of those that refuses to prescribe any narcotic. gee thanks. sooo anyhow-- the tests he has done, which really have been more than anyone else has attempted over the past several years.. have shown little or nothing significant. so, like i said... i expected to leave with nothing more than frustration, and yet another dr bill.

well... it seems there are a couple directions to go with this. that have not been looked at or even considered yet. and if it is either... the help that i need will not be impossible to get. and the relief will be quick. he said this could be caused from either the addisons', and not a high enough dose of steroids... is that strange or what? who knew? i had NO idea that would cause pain.. at all, not to mention to this extent. and i wouldn't have ever thought to ask-- but hubby did, and the doctor was like ... ummm yeah... it could cause this. well hell.
he also mentioned something called "polymyalgia" which by some minimal research this morning... sounds very very much like what has been going on too.

both can be detected by labs.. which i am on my way now to have done. i should know within a couple days, i would think. steroids. geesh.

oh-- we did get the new stuff to re-do my hair-- but yesterday was a long exhausting day-- and i didn't feel like doin it. so we didn't. i know i will regret that. i'll probably be bitchin in a month that my hair isn't colored yet. :((

aannnd.... what else? oh , ortho--- i really expected that the kid and i both would be scolded... neither of us were... i was soooo relieved.
it wasn't the last day .. so phew! she has to wear rubber bands for 4-8 weeks.. and IF she actually wears them.. the braces come OFF! woo hooo!

ok.. i think that's it.

i shall talk to yall latah

monday mumbles

ya wanna see somethin really weird? hubby and i went fishin yesterday mornin... i didn't catch anything.... well , cept a "red bull" buzz. and afterwards , a red bull crash. will i ever learn? doubtful. cuz i just love those things.
but anyhow... as usually, i only fished for less than an hour... hard to believe that only last summer i was fishing for 2-3 or 4 hours at a time, and now i am lucky to make it an hour. but oh well. maybe when it warms up, i shall bring a chair. but for now, it's not so terrible cuz it is still kinda cold so it doesn't kill me to leave early.

anyhow-- back to my story---

i didn't catch any fish--- but soulman did get one. the weather really is messin around with the fish. but he got one yesterday--- and when he looked in his mouth to take the hook out--- look what he saw...... ( it is kinda blurry, but it is a fish tail!) -- it was kinda cool to see that, but i did wonder if he was ever gonna fully swallow that thing or choke to death on it. and why would he try to eat hubbys bait.. with a fish in his throat!? weird.

anyhow--- it looks sort of like a shadow-- but it is a fish.
it seems almost a too big fish - for this fish to be eating.
but he did.

anyhow, in further soul news ... pretty much nada. we fished, i napped, i went to wally hell in the eve because i again forgot to take meat out of the freezer-- but refused to get restaurant (why can i NEVER spell that damn word? never? if not for spell check.. i would be screwed)... anyhow i did not want to order in or go out again.. so i went to wally hell, for a cooked chicken and misc crap we needed... along with some hair color.
hubby finally said he would do my hair-- after i threatened to pull a brittany and shave my head. so i got hair color too. apparently--- not the right kind. because... the frosted streaks... they are orange! not a bright, punk orange.. thank God... but orange. ugh. he said he would do it again today. this hair of mine is about to kill me. or make me kill. i hate this brown moppy mess on my head. ERG. for months, it just keeps on gettin darker, and messier, and more awful. and depressing. i could break every mirror in this place to avoid lookin at it.
i used to have naturally blonde light nice lookin hair--- WTH happened to me?
nevermind... i know. this is what happens when a head is deprived of sun.
summer where are you??? i cannot stand this winter cold BS. april just will not be here soon enough. i really really need another 74 degree day. but i hear we have a freakin "Polar Blast" on the way.
PEACHY. just DANDY.

ok.. well that would be about all i have to say for now, as my coffee is cold and i have a cramp in my ass. so i spose i shall get UP and get some coffee, put my whining dog out, and re-coffee myself.

i fell into a burnin' ring of fire

hi-lo my soul-peeps...

i'm not real certain of what to write about today. maybe i should wait a while to write anything at all, but usually if i don't post while everyone is either asleep- or gone somewhere--- i find it hard to concentrate. oh hell, i can't concentrate any damn way. but it is easier for me without the tv, music, x box, or some other damn thing bothering my already cluttered mind.

anyhow, i know a few of you have noticed... but some may not have. but i have not been my normal self lately. i don't know how much of this i am willing to share.. but i will say that it is my belief (and a couple others close to me) - that yet another medication has affected much more than it should have, or actually more than i am sure the doctor intended it to.

i stopped the med several days ago, but it is taking time to leave my system fully. it is however not making me feel as horrible as only a day or two ago.

so anyhow. just so ya know-- i'll get it together soon. well, as much as i ever had it together before :))

ok... moving on...

i posted about my dog several days ago too. midnight. poor midnight. it is quite evident that this time, it is no false alarm. she will not be bouncing back from this latest episode of whatever it is that happened to her. in fact just last night, for the first time, i actually saw her "do something". it was very alarming to me. i actually thought she might die right there in front of me. we were out late last night, and she had been left alone for longer than she has in a very long time. so really i don't know if it had happened to her earlier in the evening or not; but i was settling into bed, and she, as usual, was on her bed next to me on the floor... i was just talking to her... and when i looked over the front of her body-- like her arms, paws head, neck chest etc.... were almost like a convulsion would be-- but it wasn't her full body. when i called her name, she didn't respond. it only lasted less than a minute.. she went to sleep immediately after, but did respond to me, and seems ok this morning... except she is crying. she has been crying A LOT for days. it's killing me. just killing me. if yesterday-- or even today weren't a weekend... i would take her to the vet, and just get it over with. she can't get comfortable, she is miserable, she paces, and cries, and i don't know what happened last night-- but whatever it was-- it was not good. i am sure, by the end of next week, i will be burying my best and longest lasting friend. and once again.. i will stand alone in the wake of grief. but it is time. i cannot allow her to suffer anymore, to save myself the pain of another loss.


well.. i suppose that is enough of that. don't you?

on a lighter note...

we all actually got out of the house last night. soulkid piled three extra kids into the car, rather than one-- into my nissan.... two had to share a seat belt-- that was real fun.. but surprisingly-- when they get older .. the "she's lookin at me!" - and "he's touching me!" does stop. so that much was good. and i laughed at their conversations. 13 and 14 year old kids come up with some very funny stuff. and to add -- they also seem to add the shock factor quite a bit more often than they do at 3 or 4 years old. i'm so glad i do have a sense of humor at times such as these.

anyhow, we dropped them off at mall hell -- thank God above she is of age that we can do that now. (never alone, but oh man, it's wonderful when she has someone to go with.. i HATE the mall.) after we left them, hubby and i went to eat, because our next stop was what i knew would be an even worse hell than any mall on earth could ever be for me. and besides that-- my body was screaming for a steak. i wanted a steak so bad, that i knew it was not my stomach talking... my body needed some damned meat. and would you believe i matched big ole soulman bite for bite? it was like i was starving to death or something. very strange. but it was also very good.
i will never fully understand how the human body works, but i think i need to eat more steak..... :))

so anyhow.... after dinner, and some quite sensitive and touchy conversation-- that actually went better than i had anticipated (nothing bad)... just touchy--- anyhow.. we left there, and guess where we went??? oh man. do ya really want to know? we knew we were gonna go. but really we had no idea that it would take over four damned hours to complete our task.
so anyways-- wanna know where we went? wanna know what we did?

we went to a car dealership (i typed dealershiT, and had to laugh, cuz that's really suitable for the hell it was )
anyhow...

the below pic is not the one i actually bought-- it is hijacked off the net--- i can't find my color in a large enough pic online, and i don;t know where my damn camera is-- so until i find it--or borrow soulkids camera... this will have to do----

my color is
"aloe green metallic"
it's a toyota camry.
and i like it alot.

we got realllllleeeeee screwed on the trade in, but remember the engine light was on-- even though hubby spent 40 dollars on the part, and two hours of his yesterday replacing it-- it still didn't make the light go out. PLUS... we had STILL been hearing water in the engine on occasion.. from the flash flood from.. hell, when? months and months ago. so, we are far more than upside down, but we have never not been when it comes to buying a car anyhow.
oh, and another good thing? i really don't think that they noticed the bumper damage from when i backed into the pole when we bought soulmans truck. even though it was minimal.. they still coulda knocked off another grand saying they needed to replace the bumper etc.
so.. it coulda been worse i reckon.

and i'll tell ya , on the test drive... oh man i fell right in love with it. the comfort, the power, pretty much everything. i really like it. and the difference between this and the nissan in both... unbelievable .

another great benny??? i can control the stereo from the steering wheel! oh the control! i laughed when i told soulkid--of course she grumbled. the stereo wars in the car may just come to an end... BWA HA HA HA HA!!!

welp-- i think that is about all i can spew out of me for now.

happy sunday to y'all...

can we say "OH SHIT" ?

well, I sure can.
in fact, i think i said it four or five times in a row,
just now.

oh well. guess i'll live.
not that big a deal.

but, just so ya know... in case you noticed-
i have been making some changes here over the
last couple of days-
and this morning, while deleting some entries, i guess
i accidentally deleted some in Jan this year, that i didn't intend to.

i did, however intend to delete "most" of 2007.
there were a few that i wanted to keep.
but most are gone now.
new year...so why not, right.
whatever.

so anyhow...
i sure didn't mean to to delete "angies survivor post".. that was the most positive
post i have had up in what seems to be quite a while.
let's all wish her the best, and if she does get on the show--
we gotta be her biggest fans ya know.

so anyhow ...
i got things to to do---
i know that is hard to believe
but it's true.

so, i hope you all have the best day possible
in your own world today-
i will try

this is for a blog pal- but i am SURE y'all will like it TOO

talk about an awkward moment:
just as i was hijackin this "fishin fairy" below...
soulman was walking behind me....
he stops when he gets in front of me to say-
"I saw that..."
if only you could have seen the LOOK
yep
that "look"
then i had to explain ...
good Lord.
it really is a good thing
that i have an understanding hubby--
JLEE---
you almost got me in trouble :))
so, without further ado---
feast yo eyes on THIS-
(a gift from Gypsy)

just when you think you've had all the shit you can handle...

THIS comes along. "Jenkem" ever heard of it??? OMG. go read it. i always knew kids were stupid, but this takes the cake! this is beyond stupid. beyond desperate even. i cannot believe this. who would even ever think of this???

anyhow... all my tv's and internet mess is straightened out. last night, i thought all the tvs worked , apparently only the one in my room was working. and the internet still had a glitch, but it's smooth as glass now.
the tv guy said that the guys who buried the line the other day-- not only.. STOLE two friggin splitters!!! (can you believe that??) ooooh i am so mad. i mean c'mon.. fifteen bucks worth of crap-- if that???? they gotta steal it??? that's why they drove off like they did.
anyhow, they apparently also nicked a line on the side of the house--and that's why some of the tvs wouldn't work, so the guys today had to run a separate line ..blah blah blah..i know-- this is boring...sorry--i'll move on.

but--- i don't think i have anything else to say.
so goodnight..see ya tomorrow...

how can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat??

why in the hell does this thing always want to type in bold? or it wants to underline, or do some other weird thing... that i don't tell it to do??? am i just stupid or somethin? don't answer that. or if you do, lie. :))

anyhow-- i suppose we shall deal with bold text this time.

(it doesn't even look bold after posted--how stupid)

and a somewhat random post i'm guessin as well. because i am blank as a new sheet of paper. it is 340 in the damn morning and i have already been up for more than an hour. i woke to midnight choking. i thought she might be having a seizure. she wasn't. she was just chokin. on what , i have no clue. i petted her, and she layed back down, and i tried to go back to sleep... but she kept doin it-- a couple more times, so i just got up with her, and took her out here to get her some water. she did drink some, and hasn't choked since, so maybe she had somethin in her throat? i don't know.
but anyhow, i wasn't able to go back to bed...didn't even bother to try.

as for midnight--and i know, for those of you who have been around a while - i know you have heard me say this a dozen times --- but here i go again. i think she really is on her last leg. i am actually surprised she made it thru december . (oh btw-- for the new folks, if you haven't figured it out yet, midnight is my extremely old lady lab) - anyhow, a few nights ago- maybe friday night.. i think she had a stroke or a seizure. at least that's what the vet said the first time she showed the symptoms she was having. but when i took her to the vet that time, it costed a lot of money-- and they really did nothing FOR her, so the few times it has happened since, i just watch her for a few days, and so far she has bounced back pretty good. this time , it's not looking as good. the other day, she wouldn't wake up. she always-- always.. wakes up when i do. it doesn't matter if it is 2 a.m. or 6 a.m - if i get up- she gets up with me..and is usually somewhat energetic and ready to go outside. and these are the times that she doesn't wake me up panting or dancing, or licking me in the face to let her out. well, the other day-- you know my damn memory- friday am, sat? thursday/ hell i don't know, but just a few days ago--- she didn't wake up til.. maybe... maybe... ten??? ish. i checked that dog two , three, four, times maybe to make sure she was at least breathing. she was of course. but when she did finally get up, she was very lethargic , and short tempered with the other animals-- which she usually takes a lot of crap from. especially sushi. stupid sushi will jump in her face and nip at her all day long and she just shakes it off.... but she got pissed ... for a couple days.. she would bark mean at her, and let her know, she did not wanna be touched. and she slept... alot. and her eye was hanging. where you could see the red part. it's really sad to see her that way. she does look better as far as her eye goes. but she is still lethargic and sleepy. and clingy. she wants to be near me. that really is nothing new. she always wants to be by me anyhow. but like a sick kid ya know? just clingy-er. so, we are worried. soulkid knows, and hubby asked if i thought she would make it much longer, and i said, no, not this time. i don't know if it will be weeks, or months.. but at this point, it just isn't fair. it really hasn't been for many many months. it will be hard to let her go. and i don't know if it will be natural or not-- i really hope it could be. for all our sake... but either way. it will be like losing a part of our family. she's been with us since soulkid was two. maybe even younger. hell i dont know. but at least, eleven years. now that i think about it... it has been longer than that. anyhow. long time. i have never in my life had an animal this long. we have had the cats their whole life-- but i literally have no idea how damn old they are. isn't that stupid? i really cannot keep track of time. someone asked me how long i have been sober THIS go round.... i said, oh maybe four or five years... i realized-- for whatever reason.. i think by looking at some med records.. it has been over seven years... it's like i just wander through life and time just doesn't mean anything. each day just runs into the next.... it is pretty strange. like fishing yesterday...for some reason, i think.. hmmmm i posted that i hadn't fished in over four months... then i remembered that we had taken Jamie and her H there in October... so even if that was the last time i fished..which it could have been , hell if i know-- but it has not been four months. WTH?
i just cannot seem to get it together. but i sure do try ya know it? i really do.
i busted ass in my house yesterday btw. got my floors all swept up and the new rugs laid out etc. washed my blasted dishes. y'all know i HATE to wash the friggin dishes.
got some crap that was still not unpacked out of my damn way in the kitchen..and put up. or boxed for goodwill. etc. i was proud of the place yesterday. and i still had time to fish..i only fished about half an hour..did good for a short time eh?
then i got home, cleaned myself up... then i posted, and started dinner... etc.
that's when the damn cable/internet guy showed up. OMG... he was here til , had to be after 7..and STILL didn't have internet workin. he DID get the tv to work tho. by then it didnt matter. i was sooo dang tired.. i left and went to my room. they were still here at 8.. i think i was asleep by 830..and as far as i know i think they were still here. the last thing i remember was hubby tellin me the internet was still not workin and probably wouldnt be (today), but they were coming back today.. sooo i was surprised to see it connect when i got up. i gotta say i was glad it did. wth would i do at 230 a.m. without internet. ugh.

so anyhow... i guess that is my post filled with random crap for your tuesday.

oh and motha.. soulkid got scoulded cuz she is not doing well in school...yet again. WTH???
why does an intelligent kid let somethin like that happen????
i tell ya what-- if she goes to summer school THIS year-- i will NOT be driving her. she can ride the BUS. one hour a damned day and 200.00... for screwin around???? UGH.
it infuriates me.

hmmmm. ok.
inhale. exhale.
i love to smoke.
:))

happy day to all of you

that's right...not one..but .. TWO

well folks... here ya have it... my first fish of 2008... WOO HOO!

yep. i wasn't gonna let another beautifil day slip by me. so i went fishin.
this underlined crap is driving me crazy and i don't know how to make it stop! just thought i might let ya in on that.

here is fish ONE of 2008...
he hit on a rattle trap... he was bigger than he looks.
it was soooo exciting.
but wait there
s more...
LOOK at THIS one---

HE's a friggin BEAST!!!!
he was HUGE!
it was wonderful...
i felt alive again...
for a few minutes...
now i'm home in my soul-chair-


i hope y'all get a taste of something wonderful in your life today too!

monday again.. you know it's your favorite day

i have spent all the free time that i have for the morning cruisin and commenting here..and on y'alls pages. soooo i suppose i will get back with ya later on.

hope you all have great days!

hiya peeps

howdy folks...

i'm still alive.. just havin internet problems. gotta shake things up a bit ya know. dish goin out wasn't enough for us , so we ended up losin internet on saturday too. just cuz we're us ya know. things like this, and gettin evicted for no reason, or gettin caught in a damn flash flood... in the city. you know, things that kinda just don't happen.. happen to us, all the time. we are the disastrous duo, you know?

anyhow--- movin right along.... did i fish yesterday? yes, yes i did. did i catch any? no, no i did not. did i enjoy myself? yes i did. immensely so. it was so warm outside yesterday. the wind was a bit too much at times... but it was worth it to put up with a little wind to have a summer like day in the beginning of january! today is even better, but i have spent the entire day inside.. on the couch.. in my jammies. dunno why.. just kinda tired today.. or lazy...nah... tired.
but anyhow--- back to yesterday--- yep-- i went to my favorite pond.. (i will put a pic up later on..some of y'all will not believe how different those apartments they're building look now..very nice)... anyhow... i didn't even care that we didn't catch fish--oh ya, hubby went too, neither of us caught any fish... there was an egret there fishing too-- and he didn't get any fish either.... i think that made me feel better :))
we didn't stay very long, maybe an hour, and i didn't fish the whole time. i sat for a while and just watched the egret and took a few pics and just talked to soulman. it was just really nice to be outside again. it really does me no good at all to be cooped up in the house. i wasn't born for cold climates; i just cannot deal with it. i don't go out at all it seems, and before too long it begins to affect me in ways i don't realize until it gets warm again. it's hard to explain.. but somewhere back early in my blog i compared a couple pictures of when i came out of my agoraphobic cave of like five years , and began to go outside .. the difference was really drastic, in a short time.
amazing what a little sunshine and fresh air does for a person.
so anyhow, i'm rambling. probably because i know this weather isn't gonna last, and i will regret not taking advantage of this day. but that's ok i guess.

(ok.. it's later , for this part--
cuz here's the picture
you can click to enlarge)

unfortunately, i screwed up, and somehow,
THIS is the only picture that didn't
get erased. UGH.
yep, the egret pics are gone
and so are several others.
i think i shall be exchanging this camera.
i'm too technically challenged for this one.

OK>> now you can go back to you regularly scheduled readin. :))

anyhow... obviously .. hubby fixed the internet problem, but it is a slow connection. the cable people will be here tomorrow--- for the third time.... i wonder what they'll screw up next? good thing my cell is my main number. :))

welp... i'm gonna cruise awhile, hopefully hit everyone's page, and i will hopefully see y'all later, and post a pond pic , if i don't have anymore outages.

until then-
ore vuas
:))

hi folks.... anotha satahday in soul land -

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. it really is.. at least weather-wise. i don't know about you peeps, but here in the wonderful world of north texas, we're sportin a breezy 59 degrees and rising--- supposedly to 72 this afternoon. Lord, i hope so. i am so ready for some warm weather.
i kinda would like to go try to fish a bit today, it has been almost four months since i went fishing. that is kind of depressing. there has just been so much crap goin on out here , i just haven't been able to go. so anyhow. i just may give it a shot if it gets warmer, and the wind dies down a bit. i do hate fishin in the wind.

so anyhow.

i don't know about y'alls yesterday--- but mine kinda sucked ass. i was gonna post before i went to bed but it was so dang slow on here---and i was "just plum give out" by then, i just crashed. man it was a --- well just one of those days that everything went bad. well, ok, not everything. i did get a good deal on the rugs--- which are still in the trunk of my car btw. perhaps i shall have hubby bring them in. or maybe i should wait til i clean the floor. oh, but if i go fishin, i would need them out wouldnt i. hmmm. damn senile.

anyhow.
still no tv. and to top it off... i had forgotten that plasma tv's can burn a still image into the screen if it is left on for too long. well, umm.... ya. i did. i don't know why i didn't turn it off. the damn thing didn't work. but i left it on. maybe waiting to see if it would work?? hell i don't know. but it really did burn the image slightly into the screen. so learn from my mistake, and if you have a plasma tv--- don't forget to turn the damn thing off. it may be permanent--hubby says it may go away--- but with his xbox---or a dvd on, you can't see it... so luckily he noticed it and turned the damned thing off.

so--- next-- after he tried to get the tv people to come out--and neither dish nor charter would do anything.. (the original plan was to take soulkid and her friend who was here--and pick up two more friends--and take em to the mall, and we would go eat)... well... it didn't quite go down that way. in fact it went down in flames -- for a while.

while hubby was getting ready to go--after working an 11 hour day--- and coming home to no cable-- and a burned three month old tv.... ugh... need i say more? well, i will anyhow....
well... the phone rings.... soulkid has a bad habit of hanging up on telemarketers and unfamiliar numbers. she thinks the landline is HERS. and that she controls it. well. i of course thought ..crap, that coulda been one of the tv people... so i bitched at her for hangin up on em, and asked how do you know it was a telemarketer---that is not YOUR phone, that is MY phone....blah blah blah. well.... in my defense---- i had been in bad pain aaaallll day long. i did not want to go out--- i was pissed at the cable ppl, and i was upset that i broke our tv screen...altho hubby surprisingly wasnt mad at me..he knows im stupid apparently and forgave me ... :))--- but anyhow-- oh i forgot to mention that the dr did surprisingly call me back, and i had a mental breakdown on the phone... and cried... so i didnt feel real great about that either... so like i said... i shoulda just been in bed knocked out on xanax, sparing the family from any pain i could ... but noooo... i wanted to go out, and act like a real person. soooo.... the phone fiasco goes down... i bitch about her hangin up the phone--- she snaps at me and says..
"why don't YOU answer it yourself then!"
oooooohhhhhhhhh
i didn't have time to think... i only reacted, and it was not pretty.
i dropped the F bomb.. in front of her friend...
she walked away with another snide remark... and slammed her door..so hubby comes stormin out of the bedroom...
he yells about her bein disrespectful to me---and HE drops the F bomb TOO--and has the kid call her mom to be picked up, and cancels the evening altogether!
holy crap!
i sat in silence--- TRYING not to just cry like a big baby, feeling out of control of my entire world.

well the kids mom was here in just a few minutes, they live less than a mile away.
so in like ten minutes..hubby calls soulkid out, and we all have a discussion... apologies are made, cheer is spread throughout the room...and we pile up and pick up the kid who was just thrown out of our house, and the evening was reinvented.

things like this surely don't only happen at my house---do they??
tell me not.
and have a great day!

i'm sure gonna try to have a better one than yesterday

yep - it's still friday....(and more)

just thought i'd pop in again, to let y'all know that i am a tired , lazy person. just in case you haven't heard.
i did cross a few things off my list, and i did go and mail my oh so late rent---- and.... i found the deal of a lifetime when i went to staples. get this--- i went to staples to buy a calender... and i left with a calender AND FOUR area rugs! they were on clearance. for fifty bucks each. nice ones. i said holy crap, and snagged em. well not really, i asked some kid that worked there to snag em for me. so he did. but man.. now maybe i won't have to listen to friggin midnight tap dance all night in my bedroom. geesh that drives me insane. her fingernails on the wood floor. i don't know why hers is so much more annoying than sushis but it is really bad.
so anyhow...
just thought i'd share that with ya.
and i think i shall go take a nap. because i am full, and lazy, and tired, and well, because i am cold and i want to go to bed.
see y'all later... well maybe... it is friday and seems to be pretty slow in blogland today.
but i will cruise around later anyhow.

///////////////////

that was a reallllyyyyy BAD idea.
first , my tv decided to grow a mind of its own... and turn itself off... then on again. several times. and i have a very real fear of tv's catching on fire--- because i had an uncle actually die in a fire caused by a tv ... back in the 80s. he was asleep and his tv burned the whole house up--and him... maybe my aunt too-- i don't remember-- oldy might. (do you)???

so anyhow... i was just chillin and the cable people came to bury the cable line---- and take a guess what happened..... somehow they screwed up my friggin sattelite !!! i went out and told em... guess what they did... they left! yep--- it's a weekend.... we are gonna have NO tv.... all weekend. lovely. and i cannot find a local phone number for the cable company-- they were contractors anyhow. ugh.

so. guess i'll wash my dishes now.

see ya later peeps

my laptop is humming a tune i do not know

what the hell? i have some stupid anti-virus thing on here, and it is constantly updating. i do mean constantly. ok.. not constantly.. but very frequently. and it is very frustrating... irritating even. like a bad rash. i finally took out my wrath on hubby this morning.. as if it were his fault that i have some sort of obsessive compulsive virus scan on my computer. he said he would look at it later. so hopefully he can time it to do it's damned updating... when i am not updating. erg.

so anyhow. today is friday. all that means to me is a).. it is one of my buddies favorite days... and b).. the soul clan will be home for a couple days--again---already. hmmmm. i suppose that means i need to include a C now. c) since the clan will be here again, already, this means that i need to clean my sty. i have fallen behind this passed couple or four days.. just as i was beginning to brag on how well i was doing with the place. i guess i totally exhausted myself the other day clearing out my crap room, and have been pretty damn sore ever since. then yesterday i had a lot of outside errands to catch up on, and by the time i got home--- i was toast. i did nothing. i even called soulman and had him bring some mcdonalds home.

so.... i need to pay my five day late rent today... i suppose i will have to mail it overnight mail. this is our first rent payment-- and here it is late. not the only late bill going out this week. wth is wrong with me? i spent a few hours yesterday morning FINALLY sorting my bills and mail stackage. omg. i was truly in bill hell. i even had a two MONTH old water bill from my OTHER house we just moved from. i never pay my utilities late. other things i forget about or whatever... but my utilities and rent??? i think i'm just gettin altzheimers . do they have tests for that? my memory is shot. worse than ever lately. maybe it wasn't the meds. maybe i'm just really losin it.
or maybe i just don't give a damn scarlet.

but anyhow... i do have things that i need to get caught up on. so i best be runnin along. :))

hope you all have happy fridays... and happier weekends !

this soul is goin ta bed

back to real life today

well, when i went to bed last night i was thinking about how today would finally be life back to normal in soul land. school for soul kid, a normal work schedule for soulman, and back to my normal routine... whatever that may be. somehow though, i'm gettin a feeling that it isn't gonna be a quite so "normal" day. at least not if it keeps as it is going.

i woke up at like 3. which has been a normal wake up time for me many times before, but not for a while. at least not through the holidays. nothing has been "normal " through the holidays actually". but anyhow. i did wake up at like 3, but i woke up because, when we moved in here in this house, we stopped buying bottled water, because this place has a filtration system, and it actually tastes almost like bottled watered anyhow-- so when i go to bed now-- i just take a glass of ice water--- rather than the trusty ole bottle. right? well.... jitterbug.... for some reason, only jitterbug does this, spot doesn't. but jitterbug, drinks from my glass... i catch her often drinking , not only my water--- but iced tea as well. now tell me that is not strange--- does anyone else have a cat that drinks TEA????

ok, anyhow-- back to my story--- 3 a.m. i hear this... slurping, or lapping, sound, whatever ya wanna call it... it's dark in there, but i knew it was stupid jitterbug drinking my water... so i yell at her at get her away and off my table. but she comes back a couple times. she finally goes away. but then i'm too awake to go right back to sleep. so i'm trying, and i keep hearing the damn smoke alarm.. but it of course takes a minute to figure out wth it is too. ugh. but every thirty seconds or minute-- i hear... BEEP. ERG! finally, i give up. i just get the hell up. but, is it just that easy? hell no. i'm me. my laptop cord is all tangled in my phone cord, so i have to fight with that shit... then hubby wakes up wondering wth im doin. by then i'm all aggravated..so of course i ramble off ALL my complaints in a matter of seconds. poor hubby. HOW he puts up with me i will never know. i do bet he is glad that i go to bed early most nights though and leave him to relax alone in the living room. lol.
anyhow.. he tried to get me to lay back down, but i was too awake by then, so i just got up.. he has no problem going back to sleep when something like that happens.. noises, storms, whatever.. but me.. it's all over with. once i'm up--i'm up. so--guess what--- i'm up.

and-- it's 450 now-- and someone just called my daughters phone--i wonder wth it was. not sure if she answered or not, but that would piss me off if i was 13 on a school night. just so ya know.

anyhow.

that just blew my train of thought. and i need coffee anyhow.

damn..whoever is calling her just called again, now i hear her talking ..i'm gonna have to go bitch..she needs to sleep ...she goes back to school today.

ok... so anyhow... i supppose i will be back, when my brain returns.

i really need a nap

i could take one.. well, no i can't. because, i am waiting for the cable guy--and a phone call.
we still have dish.. and hubby wants to keep it---- but he wants to go back to cable for the internet. because our connection is really really slooooow. and it pisses us off. and he plays x-box live a lot, and apparently if he lags on there he gets killed--and so do other people he is playing with...so ya, that i guess is not fun for him. so, no nap for me.

and would you like to know something else? i just realized... well, that is not the right word. i was just reminded. ? that doesn't sound right either. hmmm. it has just been confirmed. hmm. could that be it? i'll go with that. anyhow. y'all know the surgery jamie just had.... right? well.. y'all also know all the pain she puts up with too right? aaaand you also know that i am a cry baby about the pain i have-- that can no where compare to hers.. altho.. i do not like it anyhow. but guess what. i just ended up on someone elses page who also just had the same surgery jamie just had but like a week or so ago.... and since she doesn't like the effects of the pain meds... she takes tylenol. for that kinda pain. tylenol is like water to me. oh man. i felt like such a cry baby when i read that. holy crap.
i'm not sayin i'm some kinda drug addict or somethin. i don't even have any real pain pills anyhow. but if i did, i'd damn sure be takin em. ya know? but what i'm tryin to say, is if i had pain like they have , there is no way in this world that i would not be taking like some massive amounts of pain meds. and neither one of them are taking hardly anything.
it's one thing to not take meds because you don't have any. it's another to not not take em, when you have em, and just don't want em. don't you think?
i don't know. maybe i'm just weird. i don't know.

anyhow. enough of that.

i have been bustin my ass all day. just in case anyone cares. i finally got my back room cleaned up. my guest room actually. it ended up being the catch all room when we moved in. it had shit everywhere. and then my kid ended up pouring bags and boxes out all over the place. it was hell in here. so i got it all cleaned up, and it is now the guest room slash office slash litter box room. looks pretty good. just needs a decor now. oh i almost forgot... i got my arm trapped under the mirror trying to put it on the dresser....good thing soulkid was here--she was asleep though--i hollered for her for about ten minutes before she finally rescued me. i'll have to put a pic up later so you will see what i mean how my arm was stuck. but she came in.. "what?--oh crap!" then she picked it up and went back to bed. it was kinda funny, but i really dont know if i coulda got out by myself. i may have been there for hours if i was here alone. LOl.
ok anyhow. i better get goin the cable guy is on his way . so i don't want to be in the middle of a sentence and have to shut down.
so i shall be around later on.
have good days.
byeeeee

day one of 2008

well, happy new year y'all. i hope everyone had a safe and happy night last night.

it's kinda hard to believe that another year is gone. sometimes i wonder if a new year, means any more than new struggles. or loss. although i always hope and wish for better than the last. it actually does happen. i just never seem to notice it until it's over again. the year i mean. y'all know i don't have a busy life. although at times, it really is busy enough for me. other times, i wish i had the strength to be active like i used to be. but well, that's neither here nor there i guess. doesn't matter anymore. i'm finally beginning to learn that everything really does happen for a reason. good or bad...or indifferent. it even seems that the indifferent or insignificant times, really turn out to be the most memorable-or important throughout the year. but of course i never realize that until i sit on the new day of a new year, and reflect. i always ... always, say the same thing... what a shitty year this has been, i'm so glad it's over, it can only get better this year--it has to right.

it never fails. whether i say it out loud or only think it... it's my every year end thought.
but ya know, it never takes long for me to realize that the year that just passed always held more good than bad. or some good came from the bad, that made it ok. or at least bearable.
there is always something to be grateful for in this life. it doesn't matter how much a person has or doesn't have. (material, or otherwise). or if they are sick or well. lonely, or too busy to keep up. it all seems to come together in the end.

i know i have done a lot of whining in this blog this passed year. it really is what i do best sometimes. but i have also laughed ... really laughed, more in 07 than any other other year since 96. that was a horrible time for me. a life changing , mind altering year. and not for the good.
but i have found so much good in this blogging year. i have made some changes in my life that i could have never done without y'all who read , and encourage me, and make me laugh...and give me a reason to try harder to be who i am meant to be. y'all have given me that.
i didn't even have a desire to get out of bed in the morning when i began this blog a year ago. i was agoraphobic and isolated in a way that no one should be. i can't believe the difference in the person who started this blog; and the person that i have become.

i didn't think i would ever care about another person ever again. i hated people, i hated talking to people, looking at people, listening to people. i hated people, and i hated me. today that hate is gone. well--- except for doctors... y'all know i still hate them..and the control that they have over me. i know if i was a dog, no doctor would have a problem putting me to sleep. much less giving me a pain pill. my dog whines when she gets up, or limps, or gets that--oh god i'm soooo tired of this look, and my heart breaks. but me? doesn't matter to them. only they matter to them. i'm trying hard to just let that go--but it's hard. it's just the way i feel. but i am me. right.

so anyhow.. i see i am rambling... and i don't really want to do that right now. so i shall stop.

but i do want to thank all of you new friends of mine that i have come here and stood by me through all my whining and bitching, and bein just plain idiotic sometimes. you have taught me how to laugh, how to enjoy people, and be interested in their lives, and who they are. again. y'all have taught me how to trust again. to just let loose and be me. you all are really the best thing that has has happened to me in 2007.

there really is no way to thank you for that. i don't think any of you know how you have impacted my life in your own individual ways. i only hope that i have made some difference in yours.

i do hope you all have the best year ever in '08. i sincerely do. i hope your health is good, your belly's full, your homes are warm, and your families are safe.

anything else is gravy--- sop it up!!!

okay.....
i promised a poem...
so here ya go---
of course my sentimental side wouldn't show itself--
so here is a bit of my 'mental side
:))

“An old lady new years eve”

It’s the morn of the new year, I woke up in pain,

The house is a mess, All the pets are insane.

I went for my coffee, yet all hopes were dashed -

the self timer broken, fresh coffee? My ass.

The final eve of ‘07 went out with a pop.

I was hoping for more but the night, a near flop.

Our small celebration, A toast with two teens-

I suppose it’s what married on new years eve means.

As middle age creeps into our small humble home,

These holiday things just seem to grow old.

Yet we struggle to stay awake, til the traditional time,

and break out the crystal , filled with cider, not wine .

We say goodbye to the old, as we welcome the new.

And promise ourselves of things we know we won’t do.

At midnight: 01, we now call it a day-

We head straight to bed, and fall asleep right away.

Whatever has happened to going out on the town -

Getting dressed up, and drinking til drowned?

Where is the dancing, and laughing with friends ,

counting backwards the seconds, as the new year comes in?

those days are gone – but I remember them well,

As I sit here and write of Souls’ new years eve tale.

wanna know somethin????

i know somethin y'all don't know. maybe. it kinda depends on which order you cruise your blogs in... but i just happen to know where jamie went this weekend! (@-everyone thinks i can fix it).

wanna know?

she and her husband came here! to my place. no, they didn't stay at my place--- that might be a little odd, to meet someone online and then stay at their house on the first meeting---- but they stayed close by.... and i will tell ya what.... her and her husband are just absolutely fantastic people!!!!

me, being such a not so face to face - social person... i was scared to death of meeting her/them. but it turned out great! we were only able to spend saturday together... but had a great day....and evening. our husbands got along great, and needless- maybe- to say- jamie and i --- geesh... we hit it off great. i can't tell you how many times we said the same thing at the same time... even one time , in response to soulman... we both gave him a silent thumbs up---at the same time! we laughed until we hurt ourselves.

i didn't mention that she was coming sooner because i was a nervous wreck as it was, and couldn't think straight enough to actually plan anything for when they got here. all i could do was clean my house, and try to compose myself to actually speak face to face with someone other than soulman and my kid. also i wasn't ready for a bunch of questions from people about what are ya gonna do.. or even worse---are you crazy or somethin...bringin people you don't "know" to your house? ya know.
so..just so ya know.. i wasn't being deceitful in my silence... it was basically self preservation.

but also... just so ya know---- jamie is as wonderful a person in "real life" as she is on her blog.
and she really put herself through hell in driving all the way here with the pain she has to endure as it is without being trapped in a car for 11 hours. her husband is a great guy for driving her out. it would have been doulbly hard on her poor body had she actually driven all the way here.

anyhow... here we are....
soul and jamie----or jamie and soul whichever you prefer.... we clean up pretty good eh?
not that we don't look as stupid as we were acting that night.. :)) we had a total blast!

just tell me ya can't make TRUE friends online. i won't beleive you.

To See Jamies Version, Go Here:
Everyone Thinks I can Fix It

oh, the places i have lived and traveled...

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

(AND... Puerto Rico, which was not, for some dumb reason not included on this map!)

NOW... on to COUNTRIES...


(ahhh , there is puerto rico...which ass hat considered P.R. a COUTRY???)

(oh, and let's not forget Diego Garcia..Twice)

create your own visited countries map

The Biker Bar...post 4 for saturday.

how i get myself into these things, i will just nevah know. but here i am, writing a story, basically on the fly. why? well, because i happened to mention a biker bar, and a couple of people thought it might be a interesting story to hear more about. so... i have been pondering how to tell this story in a creative and interesting way... but i am comin up empty... so, i figured, i will just sit here and write; until something comes together.
Y'all gotta realize... this happened like 19 years ago. and with a memory like mine, that's a long ways to go back... but i will try.

here we go......

picture it, Sicily, 1937...oh crap, wait... that was The golden Girls.

ok, picture this; San Diego, 1987. young Soul, a partyin fool back in the day. (key word "fool" here.) anyways, yes, good ole San Diego, California. A lot happened in the few years i spent there. but most of it , i shall save for other times such as this. ok. back to the biker bar:

i was a 21 year old, US NAVY gal. that alone is not that great of a combination, but add a few sun filled summer days, friends, and SOUL, into the mix... and what do ya get? a first and last trip to a san diego biker bar.

it didn't have to be a weekend for me to drink... or to drink to excess , for that matter. especially now that i was of legal drinking age. not that that had ever stopped me before, just seemed to have become more combustible, when i could get into bars without looking guilty.
so, this could have been a monday, or a friday, or a holiday , or a work day, or any day... but i was sitting at my house. it was actually a one bedroom apartment, in Imperial Beach; i lived alone. no pets, no people, just me, and i liked it that way. although, i did attempt a bird...til it bit me after it escaped from his cage. after that... i had no pets. well, until i attempted a guinea pig.... then i realized it smelled simply horrid...and i took it back to the pet store...with some made up story...that i had bought it for my nephew and he couldn't keep it. i was not home enough to have a cat or a dog at that time. so those were the extent of my pets at that time.

so ya, i lived alone, in a small apartment not far from the beach. i worked hard, i played hard, and i drank hard. so, when anyone wanted someone to go drink with...they knew where to find me.... if i wasn't at work... i was most likely home drinking. or out drinking. but if i was out drinking...i was with them, so they probably weren't looking for me.

but, this one night... feels like October, for some reason. but i don't think it was... i think that's my memory mixing two stories...with he same friend, and the same biker jacket. but i'll prolly never get that one straight. sooo... i am actually thinking it was warmer than october on this particular night. when the phone rang. there i was, kicked back with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other... i only remember this because... that was my permanent resting position while at home. well...most of the time.

so... there i am, the phone rings...i do believe that this was back in the day before cordless phones too. so i had to actually get up off me arse to get the phone. when i did so... it was my bestest friend. her name was cindy... and boy do i have some stories about her..and me..sailor sistahs. geesh. it was the best of times , it was the worst of times. ya know what? i have never read that book in my life... but i have heard that line a million times... and it describes san diego, and my friend and i to a T. but that's all for another day. or two.

so, i get up, something i didn't want to do at the time. i do remember it was sorta late, dark at least, and i already had a good buzz-on goin. but i answer the phone, and it's my pal...my bud, cindy. (sailor sistahs... that just ht me a minute ago, after all these years.... too little too late i reckon). but there she is...
she says.... hey let's go out.
i say where to?
she says to this bar i just found out about...it's a biker bar!
i say...ummm... a biker bar???? why a biker bar?
she says, cuz mark wants to go and i think it'll be cool, so come meet us.
i say... hmmmm... i don't think i want to go to a "biker bar". (you know... i was a drunken sailor...already boozin it up...me? in a biker bar? drunk? this could be trouble.)
but she himmed and i hawed... and in the end.... i ended up in freakin Coronado, in a damn biker bar.

it may have been between the two..I.B and Coronado..hell i don't know, but it wasn't very far from my house...so i got sucked in. with her himming ya know.. and seein as my hawing didn't help sway her to a more familiar , comfortable drinking establishment....there we were. leather jackets and all... checkin out this fantabulous biker bar. that actually looked like a straw roofed outdoor bar on a beach in tahiti or somethin. only with walls of course.... and a jukebox. and us. ugh boy.

so i wasn't feelin real good about going there in the first place, but it got even worse once we were there. it was like we had reached the point of no return. we were in a real live biker bar. how cool is that? the smell of leather and beer filled the room, loud music, loud men, pool tables.... and us... drinkin it up. losin our virginity to the other side. OF LIFE...NOT the bikers!!!

so, we were maybe on our second or third beer...which, actually didn't take us long to get to, so we hadn't been there for a real long time... there we were finally beginning to relax, and enjoy the place, the atmosphere etc.

ahhh hey cin this isn't sooo bad. i thought it would be a lot worse. ( i say)
she says...see i told ya.
mark, her boyfriend, by the way, chickened out, and we were there alone. just us.

cheers, my friend!

when all of the sudden....YELLIN and CRASH!!!! and people started rushing all over to one side of the bar... the side AWAY from the bar counter. everyone except two extremely drunken individuals....who, if you haven't figured it out yet... were in a bar fight. well duh... we were in a biker bar. but my fear had come true... my first thought earlier in the night when biker bar was first mentioned, was the reputation they had for fights, and knives, and that type of stuff that i was not quite acclimated to. yet there it was, and there i was, and there she was....

she thought it was the coolest thing ever...i on the other hand, just wanted to get the hell out of there... alive and without hand cuffs or gaping wounds.

still... it was like the train wreck thing.... don't wanna see it, but can't help but to watch. so we got as far away from the fight itself, where we could still see what was happening... and one guy takes a beer bottle, smashes it across the other guys face... and it broke !!! on this dudes freakin face....and it just started gushing blood everywhere. i was quite glad that it was dimly lit, because i really didn't want to see it in full lighting. but in my own juvenile way, i was disappointed that we didn't see ALL the blood. but that was about all we needed to see... that and the knife that the cut guy pulled out.... we booked on out of there.

she remained fascinated with the biker scene... i however did not. i gave her the black leather biker jacket that i had... a gift from one of those two dates, and "i love you" type things. he got kicked to the curb rather quickly if i might add. so i had no need for the jacket... no motorcycle to ride on... a nice fat muffler burn though... and...i had NO plans to ever go to a biker bar again. so i gave her the jacket. she became the biker babe wannabe.... and i learned to trust my instincts just a little more.

i have yet to return to a biker bar. btw.

if it doesn't feel right.... it aint.