Long time, no see, right? well, it isn't for lack of trying. this here blog has been nelected... moved.... changed... renamed.....relocated... and nothing good has come from that.
I reckon all that -- running? -- was due to a lack of knowing who I was. am. was heading to be. whatever. but every time i tried to change-- or move-- or leave this blog--- Nothing. Ever. Worked.
Today-- I know why. because -- THIS is where I should have stayed -- the whole time. Not thinking that a new name--- or location -- for my words would be any better or different.
i heard today -- "If you aren't growing, You're dying". (Steven Furtick) ... that resonated with me , because anyone reading this who KNOWS me --- Knows that I don't DO much. guess what --- not a lot of us do. i let myself beome ashamed and isolated because I thought I had nothing to offer. anyone -- but i had nothing left to offer You. and that was difficult for me. so much so that it wasn't long before i would stop writing altogether -- every time i Thought and Hoped that change would make everything all better. it never did. something was Always missing. today I realized that what has been missing --- is THIS place. This page. This blog. right here.
well.... 'bloom where you're planted' wasn't said for the wind to hear. that is something my mother said a lot-- even tho she , nor her kids were ever planted anywhere long enough to bloom.
but -- i digress. i should have just stayed right here. in these pages. in this blog. change is inevitable... and pain is optional. raise your hand if you've heard that one before. well, i would hit a time that i felt i couldn't write --- wether that be writers block--- or trying to protect another 'souls' personal business. i would get to where i thought it better for all that i just not even atempt to write. that was always easy for me to tell myself. and no matter how often i thought of you-- or how much i wanted to say something to you -- or to anyone --- i could always easily talk myself out of writing... here --- or another place . i have suffered drastically for that. for keeping all my thoughts inside my head. i have lost a lot... and to know that, shows me that i have somehow cheated not only myself, but y'all. in ways that i'm not sure i can explain.... but if you have felt it then you know exactly what i mean.
and that's all i have to say about that.
so. here i am. back at my roots. where it all began. where i met so many wonderful people.... where i found My Voice. no more moving around.... no more hiding my head in the sand. i am here, and here is where i belong.
mazal-toff! (well, you get the idea)
happy Holidays to you ---
Christmas is coming --- New Years follows --- time for change is now.
i hope you all have happy days in your worlds ---- i will.
ttfn
