ugh-- where do i begin ??

(click to enlarge ANY pic)

i spose i could start here --- yesterday, when i got gas... to head to the wonderful city of Dallas ... oh, yes, i am kidding. i despise that city, and i have no idea why people actually 'vacation' here. well, there. i do not live there-- and i have a valid reason. cuz i hate it there. i hate to drive there-- i hate to BE there. i'll get to that in a minute...
but anyhow, the above picture? yep... $ 33.30 filled my gas tank as i headed in the direction of the pawn shop from hell. which btw was where my rings were-- the rings that for some reason, i thought would be at the courthouse the other day-- they weren't... i have more about that later too--- if i don't forget.
so--- i had the pump on the automatic thing, and when it clicked off, i was just about to top it off, as i usually do, when i noticed the price -- 33.30 .. haha! i just left it alone. hoping the 333 thing would be good luck for once.

was it? well... it may have been. i made it home alive. ugh. i really had times i wondered if i would or not. i was so scared y'all. i was alone, in a very shitty part of town, and i had my knife that i keep in my car-- just in case-- in my LAP. and just so ya know-- this is a five inch blade -- but it has skinned a PIG once-- it is SHARP!
OMG-- it was horrible. when you have as many physical problems as i do-- it's a horrible defenseless feeling. and i hate it. i used to be the tough one.. afraid of nothing and no one...
realizing a flea could kick my ass-- is no easy thing to come to terms with. lemmee tell ya.

why was i so afraid? well... here is just a taste of where i was.. this is the actual pawn shop-- by this time i had removed my GPS from the window, actually about half a mile before i got there -- figurin i could wing it by then... and i did. i really was afraid i would be car-jacked with that damn thing sittin up there for every drug addict and "ho" to see. (which btw-- i saw the first ho's i've seen since Albuquerque / at least the first crackhead-strung out ones--- (sheltered much?) -- UGH....


so anyhow-- that's what i see on the outside. not very inviting is it? but, i had no choice really but to go in and get my stuff. i was tempted to leave and just go back another day with soulman.. but i -- yes like a fool-- hadn't read through the court papers, and wasn't sure if i had a time limit to pick it up. so if there was a three day thing or a week even.. with the weekend-- and my next week schedule-- i could lose it-- IF there was a time limit. so i went it. ugh.. can we say anxiety ridden , wish i had a gun permit??? so i go in and what do i see there?

even the damn people that live and WORK there
are afraid of it !!!!
EEGADS !!!

i just wanted to get the hell out of there -- and that town, as fast as i could. i slid the papers under the window -- the bullet proof window i might add-- ugh. and would you believe before they gave me MY shit, they ask for ID. i couldn't resist--- i said--
AHHH... you'll check MY ID.
he only gave me a crooked smile... i took my crap and got the hell out of there. ugh. and not fast enough. man i was pissed. and i really didn't want to make that drive home.. back through those streets. i didn't make eye contact with anyone.. but cars would go slow-- people would look at me at red lights... it was horrible. it's not like i carry wads of cash i have to worry about-- i don't wear jewelry-- ha as if i had any left right-- i do wear my wedding band on a chain-- which if i didn't mention it-- somehow-- the asshole didn't steal that! it was in my jewelry box too. it woulda just broke my heart if he woulda got that.
so anyhow-- if i did ever get car jacked or robbed like that-- it'd be basically for nuthin. people are so stupid. but i gotta say-- any speck of trust i had left for human kind is out the window now. especially on the streets of dallas.

so, by the time i got home, i felt like this---

but-- i didn't cry. i did fine. it took all day to recover from the panic and anxiety though. and a couple-- ok few little blue pills. but i'm fine ..
and i won't have to face dallas again til-- monday. ugh.
why the underlining???? dammit.

so-- ahh the underlining is gone--- anyhow--

lemmee tell you about court--

it sucked.
but i knew it would. the judge was intimidating. but wait-- i'm getting ahead of myself. rewind.
i did manage to find some decent attire. unlike my ex-landlady :)) yep-- she was there. they almost didn't let her in too-- she was wearing a tank top-- and she had to borrow a shirt to get in. haha. i was thinkin she might be having trouble with her new tenants or somethin juicy-- turns out, she was there for speeding. haha.

anyhow--- i got there early-- so, i was waiting in a chair-- soulman had texted me from work earlier , asking how i felt--- i told him i was a nervous wreck. he said 'you'll be fine', and i didnt hear back.
but there i am sittin at the court-house-- and someone touches my shoulder from behind me... i look over-- wonder who the hell is touching me!-- it was him! :)) he got off early for moral support. i was glad he did too. cuz i really was nervous. i don't go to court very often. in fact it's been like twenty plus years since-- and that was small claims when i sued my land-lady--- and yep-- i was nervous then too... and again.. i didn't do anything wrong that time either.

so-- it turned out that the order they would call folks was first come - first served. which kinda sucked for me. cuz i was about the fifth to get there-- but maybe twenty-fifth in line. ugh. and wouldn't ya know it? they couldn't find my paperwork!!!?? so she calls the bailiff, and marks my place in line-- phew-- so he goes to find out what's up. next thing i know-- he came to get me ..us.
i was FIRST! in a way that was good , of course. i didn't want to be there for three hours. but also-- being first-- i had no idea what to do!
of course with my bad hearing-- i screwed up right off the bat. he calls out the pawn shop first---- i hear the pawn shop name-- so i stand up-- he asks again, cuz he already knew by now cuz of the mix up, that i wasn't them.. i say oh no sir sorry-- then of course they don't answer-- then he calls me-- i go up-- i'm standin at the mic-- in front of like fifty or more people by now--- and guess who's name he calls next??? the friggin thief !!!!! if not for my non working neck-- i woulda turned to look to see if he was there.. even though i was sure he wouldn't be. ugh. i did NOT expect to hear that name there. i was immediately pissed off on top of my already nervous wreck of a self. so anyhow-- the judge was all blunt and to the point-- and intimidating. my mind doesn't just snap to , like it used to. i kinda have to process information or something, before i can respond. so there was once or twice he had to repeat himself. ugh. it was just bad. plus-- as you know-- i only got a paper to go pick up my rings-- they weren't there, like i thought they would be.
it sucked. and i was glad hubby showed up to be there with me.

so anyhow-- on to phase five hundred and twenty four i reckon.
hopefully mr. policeman will call soon and tell me he matched the signature and arrested asshole.

i spose that's all i got for now--

catchya latah--

have happy weekends in your worlds peeps--

i'll be attempting to make my house presentable for smocha to see. not sure why-- i oughtta make her clean it-- since i will be killing myself-- i mean , goin to get her on monday. :)) nah. i don't mind. she has to drive us back here-- and it only took me a month to come up with that idea. i need a lobotomy-- is there a dr. in the house??