Showing posts with label i'll be back. Show all posts
Showing posts with label i'll be back. Show all posts

Saturday, October 23, 2010

and it happens again - cuz I AM ME

hi y'all.. well.  you want the good news or the bad news first?  the bad isn't 'that bad'.  it's just one - a - those things.  ya know.  one -a-those... soul thangs.

alright.  i'll start with the 'good' and work my way back. 
yesterday afternoon -- or day - was a good day -- in comparison to the last many.  my kid even surprised me with a home made lunch.  and boy was i surprised!  hand delivered to me .. as i was exiting the bathroom-- post shower.  :))  no.  of course i didn't eat it there.  we watched a recorded episode of criminal minds while we dined.  and we enjoyed ourselves.  that was some much needed alone time together.  that makes no sense but you get it. 

her new school schedule is all but stupid.  two hours a day -TWO days a week. wed and sat. ugh.  we're both goin crazy.  she has got to get a job.  lest we both go mental. (er)

so anyhow-- while we were wathin tv, hubby called (i don't know why that hi-lighted-- ignore it) ..
and asked if we wanted to meet for an early movie after he got off work.  well of course we would.  so we did.  we saw a movie called ' it's kind of a funny story'-- or some such thing.   i don't know.  it was OK.  the plan was to see "the town".. but that changed at the very last second-- literally-- at the box office.  it's ok.. i wasn't in the mood for guns and noise and crap anyhow.. so we end up in a movie about a mental hospital.  how ironic eh?  it was an ok movie-- but my main focus was on the bloopers-- such as .. lamps in the rooms, and unlocked doors; where patients would sneak out as they pleased - to other parts of the hospital. including the ROOF. that just does not happen.  but hey -- you may like it.  the fam did. and i didn't 'hate it'.

so -- here we go -- to the 'not so' good.   a funny thing happened on the way to the theater.....

me and the kid stopped at a lil convenience store for somethin to drink... she didn't want anything.. so i go in, and i get ONE bottle of water.  that is ALL.  rewind a sec-- back to the car-- she did ask me to buy a pack of menthol for her-- she has been quit for many months.. i admit there was a time i would buy them for her-- only so she wouldn't get someone else in trouble for buyin them.  yes-- against my better judgement.  but like i said - she quit many months ago- at least i think so.  i haven't seen her smoke in ages.  so-- she asks for a pk of menthols-- says she just wants ONE.  i said blatantly NO. i am never buyin them for 'you' again. (i learned my lesson) just NO.  so i go in.  i get a water.. i'm at the register.  while there -- with my 89 cent bottle of water .. soul-schleprock luck hits-- full force.
1st-- the sun is shinin right on the stupid debit card machine-- i can't see it-- 2nd it fails the first time, third-- in the meantime, whilst fightin with the machine and my blindness-- my kid is callin my cell-phone - a total of 4 times.  can we say -- DISTRACTED?   all i wanna do is pay for my water and get out of there.  well....  obviously -- the cashier can see that i am a frazzled mess... phone, machine, etc... so-- i finally paid -- took my water - and left-- i didn't see the total, and he didn't mention it-- thank you-- see ya next time-- ore vois-  off we go.

so. this morning-- ?  what am i doin?  the normal stuff i do most mornins-- drinkin my coffee , smoke my cigs-- and yes - i'm a chain smokin fool lately -- i'm a failure and i kick my ass every day for it.  ugh.  i was doin real good for a while-- hope i get back on track soon.  but-- it's the only crutch that doesn't destroy my life -- as fast as others might.  anyhow-- i see on my bank-- a charge for 6.19.  i wonder -- WTF?  i also notice -- there is no charge for 1.00 - or so.  i check for the rect. for the water-- i find it-- and guess what?  the damn guy at the store yesterday?  in my clumsy effort to pay for A water?  HE helped himself to a can of fuckin skoal!!!!!  on MY bill.  ERG!!!!!

i wonder if he woulda tried that shit if i had been wearin my hat?


what  do you think?
i think i look a lil less 'shit takin' with the hat.

guys????  why is it that i get robbed so much?  you'd be surprised if you knew of every time and every thing i have had stolen from me.  i would prolly too for that matter.  it has been so much and so often over the years, even i don't recall every little thing.  i can tell you that it has been a lot tho.  from family , to friends, to strangers, to businesses.  can't have nuthin !!!
i've had stuff stolen from my home, my car, my barracks room,  my credit cards, hell- i've had an entire car stolen. 
have i ever told you that my car was broken into while it was parked in a hospital parking lot -- when i was a patient IN a psych ward?  TRUE.  it happened.  they caught the guy.  but tell me.  what kind of person needs that shit-- while IN a mental hospital?  ugh.

i am not a thief.  i once had the opportunity -(more than once- but this is the most significant situation)

--  my family and i  - not the soul fam.. but many years ago -- my 'family/ family'.. we were beyond poor... you can't even imagine the state we were in.  i had the opportunity to take 700.00 in cash -- and never be caught.  there was no way i would ever be caught -- or seen again by this person.  it was almost like he was either testing me-- or 'offering me the the money'.. or opportunity to take it or leave it.  who knows? but, i left it... not before thinking about it, of course.  who wouldn't?  just think about it ya know.  this was a time that we lived- literally , day by day at a park, night by night in a cheap motel. meal by meal - by chance.  i did not take that money. 
if not karma?  why?  why do i get stolen from time after time?  
it's been just over a year since my jewelry was stolen.. by our movers!  of all people-- it was a guy i paid to help me.  invited into my home-- paid, trusted, bought food for.  i still feel 'raped' by him, and that business.  believe it or not-- i felt bad for the owner of that company -- because he had a truck stolen!  i never sued or fought for compensation.  the thief was never prosecuted. (lack of evidence!)- even tho-- he pawned two rings- i was at least able to recover those.  but not the rest-- and most of you know -- i am a sentiMENTAL idiot.  i don't have much- but what i do have -- i could tell you when and who gave me any of it.  so much is gone now. and i still hurt for it. 

so yeh.. a five dollar can of skoal?  some of you may think that's nothin... to me?  it's one more time.  and one more time too many.  how many thefts does it take to break a soul?  i wonder how long it's gonna take to find out???  i would really hate to be the one that does find out.  there sure won't be no timid about that.  i can tell ya that much.

oh - did i mention i did call the store- and i'm handlin it.  i'm gettin my money back -- and the guy will be dealt with.  i wonder what he drives.  hmmm. but i am on my way out the door right now to talk to the manager-- then off to take my kid to learn somethin at her school. 

wonder how i shall kill my two hours today?

y'all be happy today --
the sky is cryin here.
but i aint-

Friday, January 18, 2008

here i am at yet another unGodly hour -

hard to believe that it's already an hour after i got out of bed. wth?? yep, another one of those mornings. it started actually at about 2 a.m. i rolled over in bed.. .. and somehow managed to knock Sushi clear off the damn bed onto the floor! it's quite a drop i might add-- especially for a small dog. i heard the wind blow out of her with a grunt, like a football player being squished by a three hundred pound linebacker or something. i thought she might really be hurt. the bed is pretty high off the ground. so anyhow, that of course wakes up midnight-- all in a panic thinking the boogey man has come to get us-- yes she does still have that protective streak-- but it's actually sad to see it in action-- as she is , blind, mostly deaf, and extremely confused... she can never figure out where a sudden unfamiliar sound comes from,,, but she tries. so, at the same time... there i am... looking around in the dark.. for an injured sushi-- like that's all i need right now, a damn broken leg-- or something, on her. but, she was fine.. i got her back in the bed.. got midnight settled down. well hell--- by then, soulman was wondering wth just happened.... i got up and went to use the back bathroom.. so it wouldn't bother him while he was trying to sleep--- came back thinking.... ok... one last ditch effort to go back to sleep .. it could happen... no school--- soulkid is gone at a friends for the night... .. so i settle back into bed, the animals are calm... then--- soulman has to get up-- ugh. he doesn't use the back bathroom... he uses the one in our room... that has a retarded door, two actually-- but anyhow-- its the reason i use the other one when he is asleep. so, he gets back in bed, and the freakin cat starts playin with a damn plastic bag of some sort-- wal mart or somewhere-- he starts hissin at the cat to make her stop----- and there i am... it was ALL over but the cryin. i got up--- 250 a.m. woo hoo.

hubby on the other hand went immediately back to sleep--- the dogs AND cats were insane-- until like ten minutes ago-- now they are all asleep again... but me??? yep--- HERE i am.
doin the smoke n choke.

what a way to start my damn day. i know i sound crabby-- but i'm just venting. i'm goin on coffee #3, and might be on cig 5 by now. with the animals settles, the house quiet agian, and me calming down from the fiasco of earlier--- it's not so bad.

plus--- i don't see a terribly busy day ahead of me.. not like the last few. i am sooo caught up i think i'm a little scared of myself. :))
i worked my ass off yesterday. in the house. i had really been failing behind this passed week, but sure made up for it yesterday.
and the day before, y'all know i got caught up on all my bills... ugh.. i shouldn't even go there. basically we went broke broke that day. to a point of a very uncomfortable state of mind for me. for several months, we had finally been feeling pretty good about our financial situation--- for probably the first time in most of our married life... but , it was quite unsettling to watch like 90 0/0 of everything go away in one --- ok a couple days. but hey-- i am grateful that it was there to go where it needed to. without selling or borrowing to get it done. that was kind of a new feeling. the bein broke-- i am used to. it's quite familiar. i just somehow thought i would have a set limit to never get below again--- and well-- i kinda blew that. but mostly this was because of the new car. i am sure we will get caught back up in a few months. it's not like we're ruined forever. so i think we shall live.

anyhow---
todays agenda???
hubby works... the child is gone-- don't know when she will come home--- but really-- i am caught up with all my major crap--- if i really wanted to , i could sort stuff for goodwill...... or ... i could go fishin--- but it is like 40 degrees--- soooo----- it is so highly unlikely that will will happen, i don't even know why i said it. ummm... i really don't know what i will do with myself today--- but the day is mine. and it feels weird to have a day that i can actually do what i want-- whatever that may be-- and not feel guilty of what i should be doing-- cuz all that's DONE!
yep-- even my laundry AND dishes!!!

soooo anyhow.....
i spose that might just be it for now

i hope you all have good days today---
and better weekends to follow