still playin catchup

ever feel like the photo above? i sure do. like right now. y'all should see my ever growing list these days. i'm fixin ta add "see counselor to relieve guilt" to the top.

goo-lawd. i am accomplishing nuthing lately. i read my comments, or begin to visit y'alls pages this passed couple days-- and i get nowhere. at what seems the most important time, that i should be hittin every single one.

i walk into my kitchen.. and turn right back around to leave-- at a time where it looks THE worst it has since we've moved into this house.

hubby and soulkid complain that we have nuthin here to eat or drink-- daily for almost a week... yet i cannot force myself to get to the store.

my list is more a list of things undone-- than a list of things to do.
it's killin me.

i need to hire a crew to help me.

a couple maids,
a secretary,
a shopper,
a handyman,
a car-washer
a chef,
a vacation preparer people,
a accountant,

what else?

i don't know-- but it's been like i am paralyzed lately.

i did manage to get all my bills paid the other day-- but even that took me like three or four days to finish. how crazy. the first couple times i sat down to do it , i fell asleep ! finally finished tho.
but that's about all i can say i have accomplished -- in like a week.
aside from that-- i have fished, slept, spent way too much money on prepared food, and, cried in my non-existent beer.

soooo -- today is the day that i must get off me arse and accomplish my crap.
i also have to go have labs done. which really isn't a good day for that. it's at 1030-- so it will kinda split my errands right in half. but i figure if i clean my kitchen before i leave for that-- then grocery shop on the way home-- if i am too exhausted for anything else by then, at least i've knocked out the two biggies -- and soulman can cook dinner -- and then tomorrow i'll wrap the rest of my stuff around yet another appointment..

CRAP-- is today wednesday???

see how messed up i am??
i don't have an appointment til TOMORROW!!
and here i am.. nursing one cup of cold coffee that i thought i wasn't even supposed to have!!
SHIT!

well.. THAT changes everything! :))this is one time that i'm glad to be senile.. i just may accomplish more than i thought--- first? a second cuppa coffee :))

you know you wanna be ME! :))

well anyhow-- i guess on that note-- i shall get busy-- now i at least know i will get around to y'alls pages today. and that makes me feel HEAPS betttah!!!!!

(note i didn't take the links down-- that's just kind of a dumb idea)

so anyhow-- i'll cruise around later as i take smoke breaks between chores... i really gotta get this house in order today.. and shop and all that stuff.

hope you all have happy days out there---

things are settlin down ovah heah----

happy pill? umm.. i mean, fish pic anybody???

sorry folks-- i just can't resist--
besides---
AC needs fish !!!
BWAHAHAHAHAHA

tough love

howdy folks----

thanks for all y'all said yesterday. your comments really got me thinking. not in a bad way. well, not in a bad way about y'all , i should say. it of course made me feel a bit foolish about myself. a couple of you sounded a bit harsh. maybe you wanted to-- maybe you didn't .. but either way-- you said what i needed to hear. too bad i didn't say somethin like this BEFORE i deleted almost a year worth of my blog. damn. ya know, it;'s not so much the blog entries that i miss... but the comments. when i began this blog-- i was soooo a different person. mostly anyhow. i think the me that you know , was in here somewhere-- just asleep in there. ya know. but by writing, and eventually finding y'all.. or actually, many of y'all finding me... i woke up. i realized that i was still in there. that i wasn't just a shell of myself.. or at least i didn't have to remain that way. and i didn't want to.

i know that many of you are fairly new here , and many even came after i dumped (most of ) my blog-- and i know some of you have read from at least close to the very beginning. but either way-- ALL of you have helped me in ways that you couldn't even begin to imagine. in ways, each of you have made me laugh, or smile, or get out of the house, or do whatever it may have been at the time.. that before i wrote here-- i would have prolly never done before. y'all made it be ok for me to be ok with myself when i didn't feel well. and you made it ok for me to try new things when i did feel well. you motivated me when i didn't think i could crawl one more inch. and you let me know that it was ok to take a nap if my body said i had to have one--- that it didn't mean i was a bad or worthless person. when before-- if i napped, or couldn't get motivated, i felt like i was a waste of human breath-- or flat out lazy. rather than--- just a little sick. and that it was ok. y'all made it ok, for me to be the person i am. on any given day. and yes , some days are better than others-- just do what i can on whatever day i can do it on. don't overdo it on days i can't or shouldn't. and don't feel guilty for not bein the healthiest of healthy. that was a huge start to get me where i am. these days-- i can't believe that i go fishing alone-- much less even sometimes, will check the mail on the street!

for the first time in many many years i felt understood. i felt accepted. and it was amazing. it was life altering, for me. nothing happened overnight... yes i faltered back and forth in my trust level. and that part really hasn't changed. but then again , trusting people has never been one of my strong suits anyhow.

but ya know.. y'all are right.. this blog isn't a popularity contest.. and i really can take or leave people if i choose. this is my blog, and i didn't start it to make friends. although, i have. i really really care about so many of you. in the beginning, i had NO idea that could even happen here. much less that it ever would. i do take it too seriously sometimes. obviously that needs to change. and it will.

i think i will start by removing my links list-- it's there for me and my horrible memory-- no other reason. it's not there to show how many pages i go to. so don't take it personally when you don't see your page listed.. i'm still readin.. and you'll still see me... if someone is lookin for a page you go to from here -- just ask, i'll give you the link.

so anyhow--- i got up too early and am losing my train of thought as alarm hell begins ... so i will take that as my cue to shut up.

thanks for puttin up with me in times of mass confusion.

and just to clear somethin up-- you'll still see fish pics and picture posts-- cuz that's just what i do sometimes-- i always have-- it's when it's all you see for a week, is when you might begin to worry. k?

anyhow-- you all really do ROCK... you are awesome... and don't take anything i said yesterday personally-- i'm pretty sure most of the peeps that "offended me" to that point, don't really come around much anymore-- if at all. so it's all good. i just still have a bit of a resentment-- and it is mainly towards myself. for screwin up my blog.. among some recent crap here.

but-- it'll pass.. i hope .

anyhow-- thanks y'all...

and happy tuesday!

oops ..... i did it again -

hi folks---

(first off -- i ended up with my "reply" in the comment box below, being a small post -- yet again, cuz well -- y'all know --- i can't shut up sometimes. )

but anyhow--- i've been thinkin... about my posts lately. they kinda suck don't they. that's a statement really. not so much a question. you can agree or not. but i know they do.

that isn't so much what i've been thinkin about-- but what my thoughts brought me too. ya know? i mean.... i have had so much happen here over the last few weeks that my head is going to expload, or fly clean off my shoulders. it just can't possibly hold much much more.

i used to come in here and just write whatever i had on my mind. this was where i wrote anything and everything i had on my mind. it didn't matter to me whether it was politically correct or not. i didn't care if it was offensive or not. i cussed, i talked about God, and politics, and sex, and my daughter, whether she was a brat or an angel at the time, i talked about my husband whether he was an ass or prince charming. i had no problem mentioning the fact that i have more than physical problems. i dumped my guts here-- and that is where they stayed.

then one day--- i felt judged, and i felt condemned, and less than --- because people started to say i cussed to much. even a family member-- no one any of you know-- but she said, she didn't like to read here because of language. --- so what did i do? i began to censor myself .

then...
i would get comments about how to discipline my child --- from people who raised their kids in the age of
' spare the rod spoil the child" -- well i do know that's true-- trust me.. but i have more than one reason that i dont hit my kid. but one of them is that she was raised in the age of spare the rod-- or your ass will be hauled off to jail, and your child will be hauled off to foster care.
would beatin her ass have worked better than time out, or arguing? hell ya it would have. you just can't do that these days.
but trust me... kids are different when raised after like 1990... in my opinion... just look around.
it's not just me who has these problems. even y'all who did raise kids you could hit through age 13 and 14-- the hell years-- they still made made you wonder where YOU went wrong.
BUT what did i do here???
well -- what do i TRY to do? oh hell... do my best to only write the good stuff.. sift out the best of the worst . not to try to make her look good..... but at least don't make her look bad. cuz she isn't bad. she's 14.

then someone commented that "you might be crazy" hmmph i didnt know how to take that. i didn't know if it was a joke -- or serious. just didn't know .

but , ya know-- my world here is very small... my world is right there-- me, soulman and soulkid-- and of course there's smocha and jamie. and that my friends is my world. i can't a whole lot about jamie and smocha... their stuff isn't mine to write about-- unless i write about a visit.
sooooo... when i feel i have to censor my language, try not to complain, have the perfect marriage, and the coolest kid in town... well...
when the shit hits the fan... guess what peeps---y'all get left with fish pix, and photo posts.

and i get left with well... i don't know. a lot of crap in my head, and a blog that has about 500 deleted pages. and a whole lot more i never wrote - or write--because "someone " might be offended" -- or judge me.

and ya know--- that really kinda upsets me. not in an angry way. it's just that -- well... i don't know. i spose it's just that i get judged enough as it is. i don't need to hear it here too.



so--- enough of that
whatever the hell THAT was---

yesterday for daddy day--- we got soulman a fishin lure he's wanted for a long time, but would never buy himself.
then we went to IHOP
then to cabelas
then came home
and chilled
i took a nap-- cuz i was runnin on like 3 and a half of sleep--and gettin quite bitchy
then i woke up and we -----ok he-- smoked chicken on the egg
then we chilled some more---each doin our own thing
then it was bed time.

no fishin yesterday-- soulkid hates to fush and souldad wanted to be with her-- besides that it was 100 + degress. ugh. texas hell here lately.

but-- here is a little fishy i caught the other day
saturday-- at a pond i never been to-
a place where there is like 4 ponds-
a nature center-
i fished this small one while hubby tied his rigs on.

he said "there's no fish in that one-- hahahahah
i caught two !
here's one
small- but i got him.

(you can click to make it bigger- i just didn't want it big on here)


so anyhow---

hope you all have happpy days in your worlds today
i'm workin on it-

here i am.. still breathin

hi folks---

just thought i better get somethin up here before someone sends the cops to my door to check on me-
i'm alive. i would say that i've been busy-- but that isn't entirely true.
but i have been "somethin" i just don't know what to call it.

perhaps it would be
thinkin about stuff??

or maybe being too confused to bother thinking --
about anything-

or maybe --
i'm just on the verge of
getting off this roller coaster ride -

and just make a decision--
even if it's just a decision ,
to make a damn decision.

cuz ----


and, aside from that---

P-S-A

hi folks
happy friday--




this is a public service announcement :


it has come to my attention, that i have been "sleep blogging" again .

for those of you who don't know --
or may have not had the pleasure of seeing it for yourselves :))
sleep blogging , is when i happen to have taken my sleep meds,
and tend to cruise blogs a bit too long.

this, in turn, tends to leading to sometimes senseless,
or even incoherent, comments being left in various ,
unsuspecting bloggers boxes.

if this has happened to you recently---
"just love me"
:))

this is soul

unplugged.


happy weekend!!!!!

this is why every bassfisher should live in texas

but of course, if you don't have skillz --
don't bother movin :))

i got em figured out now--

they're hot, and hidin under the mats-- i got smart, and used a jig-- for the first time ever in that pond---- and look what happened --

if ya click on the photos, they look even bigger :))

sushit smiles

me n my pal sushi here, we had a talk last night---



it got a little serious, so we decided to turn our conversation to jitterbug -




i don't have any idea what was said-- but tell me this ----

have you ever seen a dog laugh???

now you have-- :))

g'nite

just so ya know i'm alive

hi all--

thanks for the comments and concern--
i know i'm fallin behind-- but don't worry-- just life kinda playin bumper pool with me lately.

i did actually sleep some last night. i have no idea how much tho-- :))
i do know the last thing i remember was soulman.. literally dragging me to bed from my chair. ugh.
sooo exhausted. i finally just gave out. ran outta gas. gave up. whatever ya wanna call it-- i was soo done-- i didn't even have enough control to take my ass to bed.
i took an extra sleepin pill... and throughout the day-- may have slipped in one extra pain pill that i normally don't need (i usually don't take more than two a day-- i'm pretty sure i slid a third in last night--- pain is not my friend. :( --- so anyhow-- yes-- it apparently kicked my ass when i wasn't lookin.
i don't really think i'm complaining tho-- cuz i managed to sleep til 6:30 this morning. that, my friends.. is a damn miracle as far as i'm concerned. i was beginning to think i would never sleep again. i feel pretty rested too actually-- my neck muscles aren't too happy-- cuz i was in a not too natural position in the chair when soulman took me to bed... but i can deal with that-- better than three hours of sleep.

anyways-- looks like i have more to say than "just checkin in" .. see what happens if i just start typin? nevah know what you're gonna get :))

well anyways-- i did fish a while yesterday-- didn't catch a single fish-- they shut down-- just like i thought they might-- cuz of the weather. damn i'm good. :))

and soulman--- they didn't win any money in the tourney-- but ranked high enough to stay in the runnin.. so that much is good.
i will get to pre-fish with him for the next one-- i can't think of the name of the lake right now-- but it is close-- and it has lots of small-mouth bass in it---- i have never caught a small-mouth before. beleive it or not-- so i am lookin forward to that. (i just got the feeling that i said the wrong name for the fish--but i don't think so. duh..guess i'm still a little brain dead-- but i'll bounce back soon...i hope ) they are bass-- but brown, and get pretty big.. i want to catch some-- BIG'NS.

what else???

my story?
not much of a story-- cuz my "creative cells" are deprived of oxygen at the moment.
so it's more a flash of memory-- that came to me the other day-- it is actually something i seem to come to my mind almost every time i am in line at like a cvs-walgreens- or something similar.

but here ya go--

several years ago-- when my mom got really really sick-- she was living in california, raising my brothers daughter--who was like 14 at the time.
well, my sis lived in chicago-- with her family-- and i lived here in tx with mine- of course.

i get a phone call from my sis--
"mom's in california-- we have to go rescue her!"

wtf?????

anyhow-- we do our duty as daughters-- and only surviving children, and we go to rescue her.

one particular day-- well, let me add this part first-- my mother was very ill.. with parkinsons, and altzheimers... among other things- some being mental distubances, and just a slew of things-- and among her problems-- was severe-- i do mean sever incontinence (peeing her pants- uncontrolably).

so---
we had run out of her "diapers"/depends... while out one day-- my sis was driving--- and you know how that works--- if you aint drivin---- you become the errand runner. :))

we had to get her freakin depends.. cuz she was soaked all the way thru her clothes--- let me add -- it was like 200 degrees outside-- in bakersfield california heat.

so we get to this walgreens type of store-- i hop out to get diapers... for my mother. hmmmmmmmm. we all thought i would be in and out in like five minutes.
well...NOT.
there was some sort of problem -- maybe the register-- or the cashier-- not sure... but time kept dragging by----

finally--- there's like fifteen--or more people in line---- i was maybe.. number 4 or 5 in line.
some guy says -- loud enough for all to hear-- but mor TO the cashier --- he was holding a gallon of water--and one other thing--

"hey, my dog is out in my car and he needs some water!"

after that...
a ldy with baby formula, and diapers...

"my baby is hungry, she needs her bottle!"

finally--

me with a bag of depends...

"well, my mother is sitting in the car peeing her pants, she needs a new diaper!!"

everyone moved aside and let me go FIRST!

as soon as whatever it was got fixed-- i got to get to go first.

and my mom got dry depends and clean clothes.

and that's my story, and i'm stickin to it-

and now--- i'm gonna fix my backlashed fishin reels and go fishin ,


hope you all have happy days in your worlds today-- i will do my best here

has anybody seen my REM sleep ???

i am so out of stuff to write about, it's just sick.
i think i'm five or six days runnin on very little to almost no sleep -- at night-- and what i do sleep in the day is crap. i wake up-- or get woke up so often , it can't be called sleep anyhow. the naps are are short and interrupted. i need a vacation.. or a straight jacket ! really. i'm gettin a bit nutty. not in a too- bad way-- yet. but it is gettin to where i make sure i'm wearing pants when i walk out the front door ! i'm not kidding either. that is part of my leave the house checklist...

keys, check
cigs, check
drink, check,
purse, check
pants, check

etc... it's baaaad.
i'm beginning to worry.
but there's not much i can do about it. not any more than i do now.

so anyhow-- aside from that---

summer school starts today--- she goes from 9-10 this time. beats 8-9 -- for all concerned.
apparently she can test out on friday. if she passes the test this friday-- we get half our money back-- and she gets to quit going-- with a passing grade -- woo hoo. she's pretty set on passing it. let's hope so. i really want her to enjoy her summer-- and i want to enjoy mine too-- without having the summer weekends cut short-- a couple of them.. like fathers day-- and another one-- i was hoing for out of town three day-ers.. but if she has school on those mondays we can't do that-- if she can get out with that test-- we will all be free to do whatever we want-- long weekends -- or whatever. and the money would be nice too. :)) i think she's quite capable-- if she pays attention, and applies herself-- it's just a wait n see i spose.

also-- we have been talking about going on a real vacation this passed few days. we haven't had a real vacation since she was like 7 years old when we went to san antonio and south padre. that was a lot of fun for all of us. we had like a week or ten days..and drove to san antonio-- for a night or two-- then south padre for like four--then back to san antonio for one or two--then back home. we had such a blast!

since then, we've been to NY for like 5 days or a week.. but only spent like two days of it site seeing.. the rest was soulman working while me and soulkid were trapped carless at the hotel room.. in FREEZING weather. we enjoyed the time we did spend out-- but really my strongest memories there? i had just had my front tooth pulled, i got a sinus infection, i was freezing, and soulkid was a grumpy little thing. it wasn't a great time, but it was ok.

so yep-- we are ready for some fun..family time. of course-- she will bring a friend--and totally ignore us the entire time. :)) but it won't be HERE. we're talkin about goin to chorpus christi and stayin at the beach. soulman wants to go to pensacola-- but i vote chorpus-- pensacola is twice as far-- and just too much time in the car for me. i would be no fun after that much time in the car. i just don't travel well anymore.

hmmmm.... what else?
fishin? i may go here in a little while-- after soulkid heads out. it doesn't look like the wind is too bad this morning. it is supposed to rain, however. ha.. if it aint one thing it's another- right? but i can handle a little rain-- just don't know how the fish will do. catfish do ok in the rain.. but bass kinda shut down sometimes. and i do not want catfish. :O so i need to wait and see how it looks after a while.

soooo.. that's about it for now.

i did think of a little story i want to tell y'all last night. i'll wait til later tho. i'm tired right now and gettin a bit crosseyed. hopefully later i'll be a bit more alive.

i'll be cruisin around this afternoon.. see ya then.

happy monday to ya--

wasn't i just here ?

hiya folks--





have i mentioned that insomnia is really getting to me? i'm beginning to feel like that dude in the movie "clockwork orange" -- with the toothpicks holding his eyes open. -- nights are gettin really rough around here. which, in turn, kinda makes , well, life a little rough around here. too. and that my peeps... makes me --- a bitch. and a crybaby. actually, i may not be so much of either if well, lets just say if i could sleep. cuz i could handle the rest better i bet .. if i slept right. crap. i can't even talk right. (write right , i guess i should say). well, i don't talk right either sometimes. :))

for example, last night i was up til 2.. and woke up at like 4, then went back to sleep --- but then i got up at 5. it crap i say. then friday i woke up at 130.. yesterday it was like , hell i don't even remember-- 5ish i think. maybe.

i know i'm luckier than most who have this problem, at least most days like this i do have the opportunity for a nap. but i think some days that makes it worse. especially on days there are things i need or want to be doing something other than sleeping the day away.

well... is that enough cryin for one morning for you? it is for me. i hate to get on here and whine. but, i could go on if you'd like.?

i don't really know what to write about today. it seems anything that has has happened this passed several days is really nothing to blog about. no fish stories... the wind has been hell. i know i've mentioned that 100 times.

other than that... it seems everything else is just plans , with no action..
or crap that is pissin me off.
not sure if it's the bein pissed off that has me not sleepin, or the not sleepin that has me pissed off. all i know , is i'm pissed off.

usually, there are only two things that get me un-pissed off--- and that's fishin-- or a road trip.
and this being the beginning of the week.. sort of. a road trip is out of the question...
and seein as i can hear the wind whippin thru the chimney , and every crack in the house yet again.. i can tell that i won't be fishin yet again today...
it seems that it will be yet another grumpy-- spin crap around in my head- sleep half the day- kinda day.

of course i'll do what i can before i get too tired. not many chores to catch up on.. bills and stuff i can do right here on my ass.... how convenient eh. then it will be time to go pick up my child from her friends' house. and then viola-- nap time it shall be.

soulman however-- is fishing a tournament today. it's been scheduled for months, so the wind is no out for them. he just left for the lake a while ago. the only thing that is gonna make him happy today is either a HUGE fish (bass) --- or to win today. cuz the wind os horrible, and there really is not much worse on the lake than rough water and fishin in the wind for 8 hours. it's just tough. even i don't like it. but he gets downright pissed. at least he isn't controlling the motor today-- that will take some of the stress off of him. but i know he will be grumpy for it anyhow.
he does have fifteen hundred bucks on the line today though. the two of them are fishin for a three thousand dollar pot--to split today. the next three or four tournaments i think are for this amount-- or bigger. but if they don't place in the top , i don't know -- maybe top 30 boats??? they get bumped out of the whole thing. so it's gettin tougher towards the end. i'm pretty sure this is the the third or fourth to the last of this series for them. i'm kinda glad too. it's only once a month... but it's gettin kind of expensive , with the entry fees, gas money- for his truck-and what he gives the other guy for his boat-, then he gets new tackle and baits almost every time, damn, it just adds up quick. i bet almost 200 a month he spends on these things. and they haven't won any cash at all. in what? 6 months maybe? yikes. time to win, wouldn;t ya say?

have you ever noticed how weird a dog looks after they've worn a collar for like a year, then don't have it for a day or two? they look almost nekkid. sushi somehow lost her collar the other day (in the house) she looked so weird-- it's back on now-- and now she looks like herself again.
it's pretty weird-- or maybe it's just me.

well.. enough outta me for one cloudy headed morning.
c-ya

more random shit about meeee (+ Diego Garcia Video)

*************************************************************************

Name 3 things in your refrigerator:

defrosting pork butt, hot dogs, tomatoes -prolly salmonella -ridden, that i'm too lazy to throw out.

What's your current relationship status?

married, mother of one, sister to one, friend to few, bitch to many,

Ever have a near-death experience?

sort of-- but nothing real dramatic.



Name an obvious quality you have.
people like my eyes


What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?

sweet child of mine-- by Guns N Roses (?)

Any celeb you would marry?

ehem... marriage is off the table -- if i ever become available again.

Who will cut and paste this first?

no idea... take it if ya want it.

Has anyone ever said you look like a celebrity?

mainly, if anyone-- tatum oneill, and jodie foster

Do you wear a watch? What kind?

yep- timex, ironman ( yes a womens')

Do you have anything pierced?

just my ears-- but i hardly wear earrings-- even gold hurts em. i'm allergic to everything in my ears

Do you have any tattoos?

one on each outer ankle -- yes i regret them.. the're too big--and i'd just rather not have them. too late for that though

Do you like pain?

oh sure- doesn't everybody-- NOT--what kinda damn question is that!

Do you like to shop?

HELL NO i hate to shop.. i hate the people, the walking, the choosing, the pricing, the budgeting, the carrying, the paying, the EVERYTHING! i despise shopping. i even hate thinkin about it-- can ya tell? :))

What was the last thing you paid for with cash?

i think it was an iced tea at sonic


What was the last thing you paid for with your credit card?

hmmmmm.... i think that may have been the hotel in wichita when i met jamie there


Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

soulman

What is on your desktop background?

sushi, layin under the covers on my bed lookin at me .. she got herself in there, layin on her back like a little person. she's such a knucklehead. :))





What is the background on your cell phone?

soulkid kissin me on my cheek

Do you like redheads?

i don't not like them.. another stupid question.

Do you know any twins?

not personally-- i don't think.



Do you have any weird relatives?

OMG--- my entire family is weird-- including myself.



What was the last movie you watched?

it was called.... untraceable ... on dvd.. it was good -- but i didn't like the ending too much.


What was the last book you read?

the book that kelly Jene -- at "The MooHaa " wrote-- food for jackals !

Is there such a thing as love at first sight, or it is more likely to be "lust at first sight"?

i really think that depends on the type of person that YOU are. what attracts you. ya know.

What's your favorite book?

hinds feet on high places. by hannah hurnard

When was the last time you visited the street where you first lived?

i've never been back .


When was the last time you googled your own name?

don't remember, but i've done it a time or two.



What was/is your favorite subject at school?

i don't think i had one. maybe it was english, creative writing if anything.
What was is your least favorite subject at school?

had to be math-- cuz i do remember having trouble with it more than any other. history was rough too.. too much reading for me, and i never got good grades in history, cuz i never read.


Do you like having your photograph taken?

no way. you wouldn't think so, cuz of all the fish pics.. but i really don't-- but if you'll notice-- i just realized-- i can crop myself out of them.. yep-- i'm a little slow. :))

What time were you born?

no idea-- and i aint gettin up to find out right now.


Ever seriously questioned your sanity?

yup-- often.
How many phone numbers do you have remembered and can say off the top of your head?

not more than 2.

Can you limbo?

surely not.

Have you ever killed your own dinner?

FISH.


How long have you been living at your current residence?

6 months



What phobias do you have?

someone i love dying, fallin out of the boat and gettin cut up by the motor, people i don't know. (social-phob)


What's your ideal breakfast?

coffee n cigs



Where are you right now?

in my livin-room


Why do you blog?

cuz if i didn't, my head would explode ! :)) AND, because i love you :))



What would you call your autobiography?

that's a secret-- :)) -- not really. the name that i "think about" -- is-- "Partly Cloudy, Chance Of Showers" ... but, like the book, it's just a thought at this point.


What's the longest time you've stayed out of the country/where?

1 year -- Diego Garcia

*wanna see it ? click below*


Diego Garcia from brezz on Vimeo.


* just for you MARY :))

Do you use ICQ, AIM, etc..?

no -- i use yahoo messenger tho


Do you have nightmares frequently?

yes i do actually.

If you were another person, would you be friends with you?

yep.

Which TV character could you be friends with?

carrie-- and doug (the soul and soulman of tv lol )


What's on your mouse pad?

nothing, i don't have one


What is your ring tone?

a ring, and vibration-- cuz i'm half deaf and can't hear anything else



What did you watch on TV last night?

dateline... i know it-- i'm just TOO damn exciting!


Scary movies or happy endings?

i don't care. i like em both, but scary movies these days kinda suck.

extra extra read all about it

check this out

hahaha i'm famous lol not really but i got my fifteen minutes (CNN.COM)

i just checked my site meter-- i do that once in a while to see who came, and how they got here. sometimes it's funny to see what people google to end up here. once it soul maggots-- ugh. i wondered how sick a person must be to even think of that one. today i had "mammasoul" ... but--- someone had come from a direct link from cnn.com .. i was like "huh"??? how--why? me?? so of course i had to go see what was up. i clicked the link... and well ... there i was.. under the headline ---


"From The Blogs: Controversy, Commentary, and Debate"

and my blog was first :)) ---- of three there... the second i never heard of, and the third was "bitchypoo" smocha reads her blog all the time, but i don't hardly ever. but it's a very popular blog.

i have NO idea how i ended up listed there-- or if i have been listed there before--or if i am always there-- no idea of anything about that--- but it is very strange to find your blog on such a site as friggin CNN---- carazay i say. y'all oughtta check it out and see if you ever end up there-- i know i will be. i bet you do. did any of you know they did that? i never go there so i didn't. i never noticed anyone find my page from there before-but it has been a while since i've looked at my site meter for where people came from.
anyhow-- i just found that interesting, and thought i'd lighten the mood here a bit-- so there ya have it. my name on cnn... and not for anything illegal.. LOL

i cannot shut up again-- (yesterdays post reply moved here-)

yep-- i'm just about THIS clear headed today
what do you expect when i wake up at 1:30 a.m.?
:[

hi everybody-

re-reading this (yesterdays post)-- maybe i sounded a bit harsh-- but as you can see-- i have been without-- and a lot more than the couple times i mentioned.
really, it just surprises me, that when people need something..and especially to the point of asking for it-- to me it makes me believe that they really need it- and are humbled enough to be asking for help. or so one would think. ya know?

i'm sure many of you know already that i enjoy helping people-- or simply giving or doing for people.
it doesn't have to be a lot-- or even materialistic. but if someone needs something..whether they ask or not-- if i think they need something-- i'll offer it up. most of the time.

maybe i do take this kind of thing a bit too personally sometimes though.. perhaps because i have been so---- SO... without, at times. i think people-- well, a lot of people these days have "high bottoms" sometimes. and they do expect a lot sometimes. many think they need handouts while they still have a nice car, a job, a house, the internet, their jewelry, etc. who knows.

when it has been me-- young , or "old"- and my family. we're talkin , government commodities (back in the day), church food donations, jewelry- or anything else worth a crap sitting in - or lost at pawn shops, food stamps, little to no furniture, dish washing liquid bein used for shampoo and laundry soap as well as dishes. (if not laundry soap! used for these things)- and i'll tell ya the final hair results leavin a person..yup- me- in tears-- real tears. and the rare bottle of actual shampoo brings tears of JOY.

we have pushed freakin grocery carts half a mile -- carless -to freakin laundry mats with eight loads of laundry -once a week. if not longer, and more.... for the hell of laundry day.
any of us who smoked-- we smoked roll your own! ("Bugler"- canned loose leaf tobacco-- mine were no less than laughable--or cryable, i should say. i wasn't a pot smoker-- so that should tell you how well i could roll a cig-- i couldn't roll a joint-- sooo figure the odds ! goo-lawd. it was a train wreck-- but i managed... or had my bro in law --- at the time , roll em for me. he was good at it :))

a ready made generic cigarette,-- yes one, or two, -- on occasion-- was a damn luxury! freakin toilet paper or real shampoo-- or a damn CLEAN, DRY , UNUSED by someone else in the house - towel was like a hundred bucks to me. pure heaven. if i could just get that FIRST use out of it, i was happy-- for a day. that time in my life left me with a lifelong used towel phobia! i hate it. i refuse!

some of y'all know where i'm comin from.. and some of y'all just can't fathom a family of the "age i grew up in" bein that bad off. but it happened. but also-- some of you lived it too.

it was really strange way to grow up. actually to live my life --- until the age of about -- well... i'd guess... 39 or 40-- yep, that's like this last year or two--a few of you watched it all happen :))

it was always feast or famine. either we had-- or we had NOT. i think it makes for a kinda "irresponsible-- responsible ", messed up in the financial department kinda person. if ya know what i mean. :))

but anyhow... it also makes for a person who never wants to see anybody do without. and that is why i would do anything i can for anyone... i've given stuff away that made people think i was insane because i didn't sell it. and i would do it again. and again.

people have really gone out of their way to help me when i was down. i've had people "over-help" me at times. even strangers. people that i've never seen again.

maybe some of these things are why i expect people who claim to be in need-- to be more appreciative of what is offered to them. i don't know. because it just seems to me that some aren't .

maybe i'll never explain my position on this the way that i mean to. at least not in the way that i want it to be understood the way that i want it to be. without sounding that i look down upon people who need things or ask for things. like when i used the word beggin..or whatever. i didn't mean that to sound bad in anyway-- or especially harsh. it's just my terminology. y'all know i'm a bit uncouth at times. in no way was that meant to be disrespectful.

i don't feel above any one of them.. it could be me.. at any time-- it has been me... many times. and i know i am not immune for it to be me again someday-- i pray that it won't be.. but ya just never know. do ya?
the only difference is -- i was there before the signs got popular. i bet i coulda came up with a "good" one. :))

anyhow- like blur said-- in a way--
-- from these times in my life---- spawned my child--- who gets just about everything she asks for -- because i had nothin, for so much of my life. i had and lost so much , so often,l that IF i can give it to her-- it's hers--
i've gotten a ton better these passed few months (maybe even years really) about the "free money, and "stuff", and the never ending flow of cash. and there are now limitations... and she is learning to appreciate and respect things more. that's progress. but it took a long time to get her there. it took a long time to get me there too.

it also took a lot of advice-- wanted-- or not-- from y'all to get me there. and changes, and growth have come from it--

ya know, she was a lot younger when our family had our hardest times, and even then, she came first--and didn't notice--or doesn't remember.
that's the way i think like it. i don't want her to look back on her life and remember "being poor". ya know. i want her to remember "being taken care of", and having a good life".

a few hard times are always good to see your family pull through-- and she saw that a couple years ago in new mexico. she knows that was tough all the way around. it was one year of our lives.. a year that she knows we put her first-- through everything. bad health on my part, little money, high stress, crappy house. all kinds of crap. she saw us pull together as a family and work for each other and especially her-- (in a non materialistic way.) -- and move forward for HER a better life... and we got that for her. if she hasn't learned from any other family experience.. that one was the biggest anyhow-- i think. it took her a while to put it all together, but she does see now, what it all is in the big picture. that's huge. and i do think it changed her views on the strength of family-- and not just ours-- but others too, and even her future family. and i didn't even know that -- until yesterday! (that's a whole nuther post-- but i'll prolly never put it up-- cuz too much can't be said, and smocha will scold me for makin her think :))
(but my girl and i had a quite intense three hour heart to heart yesterday-- a lot was revealed... and i must say--- i have an awesome kid. she scares the shit outta me--- but at the same time-- she is mature, and insightful-- and even though she is stubborn and full of attitude-- she's simply brilliant. if i do say so myself.

(you thinkin yet smocha? :))

anyhow--- my ADD-- is alive and well. i'm beginning to think i need medication. i swear my mind never stops. never. perhaps that is why i woke up at 130 a.m for no damn reason?

now--- since i have literally BLOGGED a reply in my box-- i do believe that i will now move it to the other side, and call it my post o' the day---

happy--- holy crap -- it's FRIDAY!!!! woo hoo !!!

i have a rant today -- care to listen?

hi peeps---

sorry about not posting yesterday. i was a bit hungover from a rough night sleep after a muscle relaxer from hell-- again. i went to bed real late, and ended up waking up every half hour it seems, and still woke up around 4. ish. it sucked. as some of you know. so it ended up with me getting up, doing a few things that needed done, and falling back to sleep from like 9- almost noon . ugh. that kinda ruined my day, leaving me lazy, and in my jammies the rest of the entire day.
i did manage to clean my kitchen and wash my dishes-- and motivate the child to do her chores, but that was about it. i barely even touched my computer. i was a true slug.

today i must register soulkid for summer school, and run my errands, and a bunch of other stuff i've been puttin off. which , as long as i manage to make myself presentable, and motivated, shouldn't be a problem. i'm sure fishing won't interfere-- seein as the wind is blowin about 50 miles an hour right now-- same as yesterday. no idea what that's about. i really hate the wind. seems it's been windy for months. with little breaks here. now they're talkin rain.. i just didn't hear when. all i gotta say about that, is if it rains, i hope it's a good one, cuz i have also been puttin off washin my car.. for weeks. maybe it's the cheap ass generic coffee i been drinkin this last few weeks? since it went back up to nine bucks a can-- i went back to the 6 dollar shit. i think that's just the crap they sweep off the floor--- and it shows. maybe it's time for an experiment. or NO-DOZE. hmmm.

ok, back to my rant. see what i mean about havin ADD? or senile?. i can't stay focussed for nuthin. maybe that's why i never accomplish anything too. ritalin.. take me awaaaay. :))

anyhow--

here we go-- this isn't the first time something like this has happened. but it has happened with positive results .. but more often than not-- it turns out like this:

i was skimmin through craigslist.com yesterday. i'm sort of window shoppin for a kitchen island, or something similar to use in my kitchen.. for extra counter space/storage in my kitchen. and also i decided to check out the wanted section .. cuz i have a bunch of stuff that i really need to get rid of-- that i do plan on selling at a yard sale-- but i cannot seem to bring myself to get to sorting that stuff-- every time i think i'm getting to the point of having time or energy to do that-- something else comes up. so i go to the want ads to see if anyone needs any of the bigger stuff that i have that is taking up most of my space in my garage etc.
well... i come across an ad... it's a single dad, he
"just moved here with his son; they have no furniture, beds, dishes, nothin. anything free or cheap would be appreciated. "
well, woo hoo, for me.. i could get rid of this stuff, not have to store it anymore, worry about selling it, hauling it off, or even sellin it --- plus i could help someone. right?
so , i email the guy. i tell him, i have a NEW hide a bed couch, a recliner, and a twin bed. (none is in perfect condition... but hell it's free. right?) the couch is brand new , never sat on or slept on.. brand NEW-- it has back cushions built in, just no seat cushions--- if nothin else it's a BED-- and if ya wanted you could use just about anything temporarily for the seat cushions-- if you had half a brain... it beats sittin -- or sleepin on the floor ! and it's a clean new matress. where are ya gonna get that fro free??? -- the recliner? also a good sturdy chair-- only thing wrong with it-- the cats scracthed it-- not through the material.. but it kinda scraggely. who cares-- it's a friggin recliner-- no stains, and its sturdy.. for free? beats the floor, i say. and a twin bed with a wood frame. nothin at all wrong with that.
did he write back? noop.

well ya know what? i just don't know what people expect these days. i really don't. i have been without a stitch of furniture before, and i woulda taken anything. i lived in a house in oregon by myself-- i had a maybe ten inch tv.. that was IT. no bed, no chair, no couch, nothin. i hated it. i did have a built in little breakfast table thing, and that was all i had to sit on. i slept on the floor, i watched tv on the floor. and it was friggin cold. i couldn't imagine thinkin i was above anything at that time. i woulda taken anything anyone offered me. the only thing anyone offered was my mom, when she came and offered to take me away from there... and the only reason i went was cuz i couldnt stand sleepin on the floor anymore. well, and workin outside stacking lumber all day in the cold. life didnt get much better, but i got a bed-- a roll away bed, in colorado-- that was much like a hot dog bun when i laid in it LOL.
hell... for a while when i was a teenager-- i slept on a baby crib mattress ! in a motel room !
and yep , there were many times we lived places that we didn't have enough chairs for everyone to have a seat-- would a free recliner with some cat scratches bother us? hell no-- bring it on.
a free twin bed? beats the hell out of a crib mattress on the floor!


but anyhow--- what i'm gettin at is this--- have any of you ever literally been without anything. a truly empty house-- and turned your nose up at something that would help you? especially if you asked for it???? what do people expect? designer furniture to be given to them? it just urks me to no end.
we have even offered stuff to people , decent stuff, then they come to look at it, and turn their nose up at it. wth??

it makes me wonder if it's a scam. ya know. just a ploy to get stuff to maybe resell or somethin. maybe they don't really need anything, they just want "donations" for a yard sale or somethin.
kinda like when ya give someone with a beggin sign on the street food instead of cash, and they say they don't want it-- you have to wonder-- if they really are homeless or hungry-- or is it a scam.. do they have a Cadillac parked around the corner.

i guess i'll stick to donating to goodwill.. or havin yardsales... or simply just makin dump runs. and that's sad. cuz i'm sure there are people out there who would appreciate things-- i just suppose those people don't have computers and internet to beg with.

ERG!

happy thursday

tuesday PS.

howdy folks..

what'd y'all do today???

i did some of my favorite things..

first i had to do my business stuff-- which isn't included in the favorites-- but i did get 20 bucks back for a school library book i paid for that soulkid found.. woo hoo for that.

next, i went fishin--- i didn't stay long, maybe an hour or so-- but here is the catch o' the day --

then i came home and

ate like the hawg that i am.

and then i lazed in front of the tv...

until i fell asleep--

then i napped..

then, well...

not much--

today was the last day of school here --

well.. til next week :))

then it's summer school for mine,

one class again.

sucks to be her i reckon.

this time i don't have to drive cuz it's right across the street !

woo hoo-

welp... now i must cook dinnah --

hope y'all had good days---

boring boring boring

this is my brain

this is my brain on blogger



if i'm lucky
i'll have something to say later on today---


until then :

i'll be baaaack --

monday - again - yippee

does monday ever feel like anything besides one more day slipped in there to make people grumpy? i seem to feel like a bitch on monday morning, and i don't even have a job! i mean , sure, i have things to do. hubby and daughter are tough to get movin on mondays. their tired from doin more than usual on the weekend, stayin up late, etc. but for me-- monday shouldn't be a whole lot different. but it always seems that it is. of course-- things are different i spose. like i said, the atmosphere is different with them. of course, there is , more often than not a much bigger mess around the house than usual on a monday morning than most other mornings. you know, things like that. and i also have usually had less sleep over the weekend. less than them even.. because even thought we all may stay up til 12 or 1-- they may sleep til 9, 10, 11... the latest i ever make it might be 6-- but on the norm, it's between 3 and 5 regardless of what time i go to sleep , on any given night. -- i did , however make it from about 1230-6 last night-- which was like a miracle for me. woo hoo. i hope i have the energy i need today to get my shopping and crap done today.


most of yesterday was spent cleaning my house, and working on my stupid laptop. i spent hours on that damn thing, and every time i'd think i had it fixed... the stupid corrupt files thing would start poppin up again. i googled stuff, read my manual, did stuff that said to do, i did everything i could think, guess, or even just assume i should do with it. apparently NONE was the cure.
i got sooo mad. i eventually did take all my photos, files and anything i was afraid to lose if it crashed off and put it onto discs. i had no clue what was goin on with the damn thing.

hubby had finally offered to try to fix it.
right at the point that i gave up on it-- at like maybe 9 pm. i was soo done. i coulda thrown it at the wall. i was soo mad at it. well, by the time he gets it-- he starts askin my- why is your firewall turned off?

hell if i know. all kindsa stuff was off-- or not there.. or not runnin.. well who knew?
ya know-- all this stupid corrupt file, and crap started when my bookmarks and toolbars got dumped that night-- mysteriously. i guess i somehow picked up some kinda virus that night-- that did all this weird stuff. and it just kept gettin worse. even my yahoo messenger got "corrupt" and quit workin, a day or two ago. the downloaded one. i'd dump it-- re download it-- ugh. then it would be corrupt again.

anyhow-- it took like four hours for hubby to do whatever he did last night. on top of the hours i spent on it... but so far this morning-- i THINK it is fixed. i sure hope so. i hate computer bs problems.

especially when it messes with my routine. whaddabunchacrap !
now i need to go try to download yahoo messenger again.. if it does that corrupt file crap again... i am gonna just scream.

as for yesterday-- i did not go fishin-- i actually cleaned my house-- most of it.
today i have to grocery shop and catch up on errands.
if i finish that-- i should be able to fish a bit tomorrow.

tomorrow is the last day of school here--- my child has passed all her major statewide tests -- and i haven't heard a word about summer summer school. i'm not doin the happy dance just yet-- cuz she does have a couple low grades-- but i sure am hoping that no news is GOOD news and that she won't have to go to summer school !!! that's one thing on my list today-- to find out for sure. how cool will that be if she skates outta that !!!!

welp-- i bettah get goin..

boring post i know-- sorry.

i'll be around latah--

anybody got a crane i could borrow ?

i cannot move today. i think i have waaay overdone it this passed week or two, and i must stop. my body is screaming at me over my stupidity , and has been since last night . ooooh. where is that truck that hit me??

ok.. as for the tournament ??? it didn't go so well for us . some people did pretty good, but not many. but the biggest sack was almost ten pounds, and the big bass was almost five pounds.. (that was the same guy) we didn't stick around for the results of who got paid-- but i imagine that guy got first. anyhow-- we weighed a bag of 2 fish lol -- both caught by soulman.. one barely measured legal.. just over 14 inches. and the second was a small spot. our total weight was just shy of 2 pounds. we only weighed just for fun, we knew we didn't have a chance.
right after we weighed our fish we left. we had never been so ready to leave a tournament. usually it's one or the other-- and usually it's him.. last night it was both of us, and for once , i think i was ready to leave before he was. my back locked up on me before we were into the second hour. once that happened, it was pretty much over for me. i tried to sit down and fish.. and that's a huge pain the ass. plus it was windy again, so we were both gettin hang up after hang up-- which is also a huge pain in the ass. usually we try to get out of em, and save the tackle.. we were so --- whatever-- not into it i guess, we got to the point that we would just break our line off or cut it, rather than fight with it. strange night.
as for me, i caught 2, maybe three fish-- too small to weigh-- i guess it was two-- one itty bitty bass..and a perch. the bass made us laugh. ignore the hair-- but here he is:


so anyhow-- yep... i really must take a break from fishin. it is gonna be very hard for me to do that. i woke up this morning in more pain than i have been in in a while. everywhere. and so tired too. i just can't be this physical, every damn day. it's wearin on me.
brad mentioned that it was a good thing i aint gamblin..... how true that is. my mom was into gambling-- i think that's the only reason i'm careful about that. i do have fun when i gamble , but boy-- it scares me. seriously. i could get addicted to just about anything. but i watched my mom do some really crazy shit in order to gamble... and i watched her suffer for it too. so i suppose fishin is a lot safer -- at least for my family. i'm payin for it now tho. i may end up havin hubby take my fishin stuff to storage for a week or two tho LOL.. at least until my body can get some rest. talk about intervention lol.

soooo.... ya... even tho he was tired, and i was in pain, we had fun, but it was a tough one for both of us. if we were smart we woulda just packed it up and left early-- but of course there was money on the line. we paid to fish, and sometimes when the fish aren't bitin, even one fish could win it all.. ya just never know . so we stayed. i think we may take a break for a while tho. but-- we will see about that.
i know for now-- i need to slow down for a while. lest i collapse. or cry.

AC this means it's YOUR turn for me to fish thru YOU-- get out there !!!

thanks for the good luck wishes everybody-- sometimes it just aint our turn.

but hey-- some of the guys out there are startin to get used to me.. a couple even were nice to me :))

see you folks later-- my computer is loaded with viruses or somethin and i have to figure out how to fix it... "corrupt files".. anyone know??? i have windows vista.. HELP ???

happy satahday