i got somethin.. not a fish, not a million dollars... it's a...

it's an award. another badge for my braggin board.
inspirational blogger. hmmm. i really haven't felt very inspirational lately. in fact i have felt rather whiney and bitchy, and cry baby. but, maybe it's just my turn?

i do feel a bit better this morning than i have the last few. so i hope that's a good thing, and i hope that it sticks around a while.

i received the award from josie at picking up pieces .... she's my soul sistah. she's also linked over there --->>>

see?

i am also supposed to pass this award along to five other folks whom i find inspiring... but, well... all my peeps either already have it, or got it given to them before i got the chance this time. so i am gonna have to do some thinking and reading on this one before i can pass it along. and i just don't have time for that right now. i do have a few in mind... i would give it to ROBIN! but i just have a feeling that jamie is gonna give it to her. and well, i won't take that away from her. (jamie i mean) soooo. i will get back to y'all on this one.

until then... it is gonna hit 105 degrees here in about two hours, so i need to get out and do all the things i neglected yesterday, and also it's school registration day. oh i love to fill out twelve repetitive pages of repetitive crap for school EVERY year. no i don't ... i think it's stupid. they know who she is , and who i am, and what more do they need? and why SO many pages with the SAME freakin questions.. name, address, ss, parents... WTH.. ever heard of a damn copy machine???? hmmmm. ok... i won't get crabby. ooohhh crab. i wish i had some more of those crab things. dammn they were good. ahh yes, see? i love food. such a great distractor. i am really surprised i don't weigh 400 pounds!

ok , i bettah go.
i shall return.
have good days

all good things must come to an end

well well well, tonight is the finale of Hells' Kitchen. what a drag. i have become somewhat attached to that show lately. but tonight it's ovah. then, what will i watch on tv. this was really about the only thing that has been worth watching for weeks. i guess the new Fall tv shows will start soon though eh? not sure if anything good will turn out though. guess we shall find out.

so anyhow. pretty lazy , slow day around here today. i didn't leave the house after i got back from the doctor. no errands, no store, no nowhere. unless ya wanna count my room. i did take a nap. didn't help much though. i still feel tired. and FULL. good Lord am i full. the kid has been wanting me to make crab wantons or crab rangoons .. i put it off for several days, but finally made them tonight. i had never made them before. i thought they would be more difficult, but they were pretty simple to make... except easy to burn if you don't keep an eye on em... but nope i didn't burn any. cuz i'm just cool like that. :)) they turned out really good. i could have made them a lot better too if i wanted to spend more time on them, and add a little more stuff, like maybe some cilantro, or green onion, or something...but i kept it pretty basic. but anyhow...ya. easy. and yummy.
and i made chicken stir fry with rice too, and it was good.
and the girl was happy, she liked the wontons.

so. that is about it i think. not a whole lot happenin around today.

i did look at some comments i wrote last night..and i have no earthly idea what i was talkin about when i said something about gettin barfed on at a barmitzvah. musta been some sleep babble.
no idea.

but anyhow. that is about all i got for now.
c ya round

Because I am ME...

hi folks...

well, i didn't stab my doctor this morning. and there wasn't any sharp objects nearby to shove down HIS throat, or i may have. i did think about it though. i imagine a couple of you wonder how it went... so i shall tell you. not like i wouldn't anyways. i like to pretend that people give a shit what i have to say whether they do or not sometimes. just so i have something to write about. y'all have seen what happens when i have nothing to say; ya end up with fucked up pictures, quizzes, lists, or even worse... random shit about ME. oh c'mon you know you love it.


so, anyhow... i will start with the fact that i have been feeling rather lousy for a couple months i guess. (for those who are kinda new , and don't know that). getting dizzy, nauseas, fatigued, just bleak i guess. so about a month ago, i had a upper endoscopy, biopsies of my stomach and esophagus, also esophagus dilation, and a change in stomach meds. OKAY well.. today was my followup appt for that stuff. and here is what came from it....

1. in the last fourweeks i have lost 3 pounds. ( i told y'all i was losin weight) and i just don't know how that's possible. i have been eating like a damned pig lately. i'm hungry ALL the time!

2. the labs they did at ER a few days after the scope.. showed that i am anemic.... hmmm.

3... this raised a red flag to the doc... along with the weight loss third time of unintentional weight loss in like three years... (last two times went as far as 20-25 pounds before i sought treatment)...

4.... the "red flag"... now leads to... one of my favorite things... a colonoscopy! yippee fuckin ay!
they wanted to do it next week !... i said oh helll NO. i need to be mentally prepared for such things! so it will be guess when... september 11th. how odd. but they only do them on tuesdays... sooo that's when it will be. hmmmm

5.. he also had the results of the abdominal ultrasound.... which was basically all in all, good. nothing major, no bleeding or anything. but they found.. well.. i already knew they were there.. but they want now to do a cat scan on my liver for two "possible hemangiomas" ... that may or may not be "something else". hmmmm. okay. whatever. suck me dry bastard.

6. the scope results btw, weren't anything major either.. no bleeds, no scary stuff. reflux, hiatal (sp) hernia,ulcer, some other crap i don't remember, that obviously isn't that important.

so... as far as i can think or remember right now.. that was as far as that went. i had plans to run some errands, but all that shit wore me out. so i just came home. i really need to get out and take care of some business stuff, but i am just immobilized with freakin "soulmange" today. i gotta do somethin about this. 2-3 days of this feeling down in the dumps. too damn hot to go fishin. too damn broke to go do anything else. everybody in blogland is workin. perhaps i will just go run my errands.

BLAH

i do hope you all are doing something productive and feeling good today

i missed the meteor show, but i have a giant one on my FACE

mornin peeps...

did anybody see the meteors last night? i didn't, and i know "simonsays" didn't... i posted my "rant" in the below comments section. it was actually a follow up post all it's own, it is quite long. i think by the time i had finished writing it, my plan was to move it over to the post section... but i was sooo damn tired i couldn't ... too much work. so if ya wanna see how the evening panned out over here... it's over there.

other than that... after i wrote that... (well, to back up a little... yesterday was a rough, tiring, painful, exhaustin, anxiety ridden day... all the way around... so when we got home from the pond i took my sleep meds... which are quite strong meds, and i began to blog, post, and cruise etc.) so anyhow... i posted my comment here, then i went thru blogland... it is now going on 6 am... at this point, i have no idea who's blogs i actually stopped by... or left comments on... what i DO remember, is hubby coming to bed... removing the laptop from my belly... which was turned on, and had a half written comment on it.... to "who"... no idea! but i must say ... i am so very glad that i did not manage to get to the point of actually posting it! he was standing there holding the laptop...laughing his ass off! i woke up in a stupor of course... i'm like what? he shows me this crap i had been "attempting" to write... on , like i said "someones " blog... every other word was underlined in red for spellcheck! i was obviously half ..or more asleep...i couldn't really comprehend much, and now, don't remember anything other than that... i don't know what it "was meant" to say.. or in response to what... but it was a total mess! i don't think he posted it.. i am pretty sure he deleted it... but if anyone gets a very incoherant... drunk sounding comment from me... it was me.. sleep blogging. (blogging under the influence). let me know what i said would ya?

good LORD.

so anyways..
todays agenda?
one step at a time...
smoke and choke..which for those who don't know..i chain smoke and drink coffee til i'm full , and that's what i call it. (in the morning.
step two... shower..
step three
gastro doc followup.
step three..
depends on how sane or Insane i feel at the time. not thinkin that far ahead today.

i got too far ahead of myself yesterday, and it damn near killed me. not literally of course.. but i was not very happy.

i hope everyone has good days today.

Here I Am !!

ok.. hi all. i'll save my excuses for later, but i gotta say this first or i WILL forget. and you know i will. so... tonight.. Sunday, August 12- 2007... yes, that is tonight..... between 9 and 10 PM... wherever you are... YOUR time zone. there is gonna be a meteor shower. it's called the Great Perseeids... and you can read about it right here...
Great Perseids

i don't remember ever seeing one. i may have when i was younger, but i sure don't remember it. so, if you have little kids... or if you aren't doing anything special.. y'all should take a look outside tonight. OHHH.... i hadn't thought of this yet....but maybe we could go out on the boat tonight and watch it. it would be real dark out, we could see it real good. that would be sooo cool. my daughter hates to go on the boat but i may be able to talk her into it for this. plus... we could fish a bit too !
hmmm. i better bring that up pretty quick.

anyhow... you don't have to be really into astronomy or anything to look up into the sky tonight. i think it'll be awesome...especially if i can get the family motivated to take the boat out.

of course... motivation is the key word here. i am soooo tired . i even woke up dog tired today. and morning is usually when i feel the best. plus i ran my butt off all day long. well, not until after my ritual of coffee, cigarettes, and my favorite blogs etc. then it was like 10 am, or so when i got out to run some errands. i got home maybe about 12 ish... then i got to take my daughter to the mall . woo hoo. let's do the happy dance!!! not. extremely not. ugh.
i will admit, it wasn't the worst trip to the mall, but it wasn't the best either. i hate the mall. and i hate to spend oodles of money. but that goes both ways. she deserves nice things, she needed clothes, and i am grateful to be able to buy those things for her. i just wish i had some other way of getting them to the house without having to endure... people, and noise, and traffic, and arguments, and everything else. oh and did i mention it was over 100 degrees again today? it was. and i think it''s just gonna kill me. ... it won't. really i don't mind heat as much as i do cold... but i am getting almost as heat sensitive as i am cold sensitive. wth am i gonna do when i can't handle EITHER extreme?
ack.

well, anyhow.. yep. i been busy most of the day. and still run down from yesterday. and now i'm hungry... and no one wants to take the boat out tonight. buncha fuddy duddys. we are gonna go over to the pond to watch for a while though. and fish...of course. then i will come home and fall into bed.

then.. tomorrow i have a lovely gastro doc followup appt. i will let y'all know if i shove a pencil down his throat or anything.
:))
latah tatahs

ps... the book i mentioned reading... i had to stop...cuz i can't see... and it was painful. and it was also a bit too "deep" for me right now. so i shall return it. oh well. someday i'll get my rose colored glasses.

comments update on the fishin

hi peeps....

i started this in the comments, in response to josie and yankee....but decided to move it here ... so , here it is.

good to see ya... yes it was quite the day on he lake today.
obviously my brain was fried when i wrote that post earlier. my gawd... i had no idea how long it was...nor did i intend for it to end up that way. i could barely see or think, or even stay awake for that matter, and was actually just trying to spit out the "quick" high points, so i could go get some sleep. boy, i told y'all i could write a book. just didn't think it would end up here. :))

anyhow. yes... men do get that petty apparently, but i really think it was started in a joking type manner, and then the other guys got egged on, and it took off from there. it's all good tho. we got the money. i swear it was a legal fish though! dammit. that's the part that is aggravating. but everyone was sooo hot, and really.. if ya wanna get down to it... they were probably a little peeved that they waited for us for twenty minutes or so, after they had all already weighed etc... for us to catch our retahded fish out of the stupid live well ! omg. and wouldn't ya know.. there's like fourty guys standin over there watchin us TRY to get the fish out... and what is the first thing they see? MYY ASS! yep.. that's the birds eye view from me backward on my knees on the seat with my head in the live well... NICE. NOT.
oh well, like i said. it's just not that big a deal. no resentments here. it would be different if it was a two or three pounder. i might be a bit pissed if they did that to a good fish.

and yes.. just a couple more good fish woulda won it for us. damn. little disappointing, but hey. shit happens. and this was our first tourney together. people fish differently under pressure. we found that out today.. i mean we already knew that... but never had fished one together. sooo now we know.
i was worried all day that he wouldn't want to fish another tournament with me, cuz i had got snagged up so often, and didn't catch any fish. luckily that wasn't the case. he said he had a good time and would definitely fish a tourney again with me. i sighed a huge sigh of relief to that.

and hell, it was funny.. to look back on. we had a few laughs on the drive home, and a little while ago, after had rested a bit.
but you were right.. aside from flying fish... there were MANY cuss words on the boat flying as well. but hey.. they were just random, not to or at each other. we cussed fish, and live wells, and snags, and heat, but not each other. :))

i do miss my hat though. but hey.. that is the first hat i have ever lost off the boat... hubby has lost more than i can count... and a couple of them were mine! (that he "borrowed" :)) i do wonder sometimes just how many hats and sunglasses lay on lake bottoms. hmmm.

and yankee, yes... 70 bucks, made me happy. like josie said, it covered the entry fee..and lunch! FOOD! we had some delivered. found a place that actually sends lasagna to your door ! what a treat. well except when the delivery guy showed up and dropped one of them on the ground ! yep, that really happened. he was gonna go get a new one...but hubby said since it didn't open or spill he would just keep it.. we were STAHVIN !
when aren't we right? :))

anyhow... i'm off to check on my peoples now.

and since THIS ended up long as well.. i shall move it into the post section.. cuz i'm lazy like that... and this can be my "update" of sorts.

There's No Such Thing As A Bad Day Of Fishing

But there damn sure is an unlucky one!
i shit you not, this was the craziest day of fishing wither of us have ever had. together, separately, or with another partner. there were times i swear we must have looked like the three stooges out there! people would stop fishing just to watch us make fools of ourselves. at one point, we had both rods hung up at the same time! hubby got a hang up, and while he was trying to get his loose, I got hung up. so he's still workin on his...i'm lettin my line out on mine, so the line doesn't break, because the boat was drifting.. so.. he gets his line out of the hang up.. then he works on mine... while he's getting my line out of the rocks, or whatever it was hung up on, i decided to fish with his rod.... why waste valuable fishing time, right? so... i cast... i reel... and guess what? yep. we have TWO rods hung up again. it was such crap. and we were both so frustrated it was crazy. he got both lines out, and i noticed the boat about thirty or fourty feet from us were watching this fiasco the entire time. a couple. great.
so we get back to fishin, and by this time............. well, actually it was really early when he got it, but hubby had caught a NICE fish at our first stop of the morning. he was all, oooh get the net, get the net... so we're both all goin nutty trying to net and boat this bass, and get it into the live well etc. so.. we get it in there... and guess what?... the freakin, stinkin live well would not pump water ! that's how our day began! we were like, oh man, you gotta be freakin kiddin! we were pissed. there we were with a really good fish, and the live well wouldn't work! at the beginning of the day. erg! but.. after a lot of panicking, and a little tweaking, we got it working. PHEW. so that saved the day. BUT...
back to what i was saying... there we were... after tangling three rods in a period of about ten minutes. .... maybe fifteen. not sure. people were laughin at us. ga- reat. but anyhow.. right as we were pulling into that spot , we heard something. a bump, or scrape kinda noise, but pretty loud. we look... i say, hmm did the motor hit bottom? (cuz it did scrape bottom there once before).. he says, no it was the fish. we chuckled....dumb ass fish. then we just fished, and got hung up, and pissed off, and i'm guessing between the time we heard "the noise" and the time i decided to check on the fishy... he also had two little spotted bass as companions because there were no measurement restrictions on the spots.... they really were tiny! and CUTE... anyhow... i lift the lid on the live well, and what do you think i saw? hmmm.... well, i will tell you.... it scared the shit out of me! first thing i saw... an EMPTY live well !!! (no water).. second thing i saw... the bass... layin limp on his side !!!! i didn't even notice or look for the spots..... they just weren't that important. BUT THE FISH! i thought he was dead. there was maybe three inches of water in there.... barely enough to cover one gill. he was not dead but he was close to it. i was like *GASP* OMG!!! hubby says WHAT?? i'm like.. there's no water in here!!! he says WHAT? i said it again. he comes rushing to the back of the boat to see..... we're both freakin out... over a freakin fish. and the same boat, with the same couple on it, are still sittin over there fishin... and gettin this free laurel and hardy show ! so anyhow... hubby starts flippin switches...i'm "massaging" the bass.... finally... water starts going in. it seemed like forever before the water covered the fish...and even longer before he moved. the only thing that saved that fish was the fact that we thought to freeze water bottles to cool the live well water down. he woulda died for sure if he was overheated on top of that. but, he managed to stay alive til weigh in... after much worry, and many many many many live well and fish checks. we worried about that fish as much as we would a sick baby. by that time.. we had like an hour and a half left to fish.. and still only the big guy and his two companions. all of which hubby caught. did i mention that part yet?
well anyhow, it was extremely hot. had to be close to 100 degrees if not more. i haven't checked yet. but whatever it was, we were feeling every single bit of it. but, we fished on. and on.
we got hits, and misses, and snags. and one time i had a fish... and he felt like a really good one too. i felt him hit.. and i could hear in my head the little piece of advice that hubby had given me earlier in the morning... "you get a fish, you set the hook like he's tryin to take money away from you!" so... what do i do? i set that hook as hard as i ever have in my life! and ya know what happened? ;)) a fish came flying over my head, and over the opposite side of the boat, and flew right off the hook, and back into the lake !!!! on any other day i woulda been pretty pissed... but by now, each of us could only laugh. what else are ya gonna do right?
hell... hubby lost a really nice one earlier on too, back in a cove. that one was a keeper too. at least two pounds. that one was a sickening loss to both of us. first the livewell wouldn't work, then it leaked, we'd both been hung up at least ten or twenty times each, hubby cut his foot pretty bad on the trolling motor somehow, we all but did CPR on a damn fish, i couldn't tell ya how many hook cuts i had in my fingers by then, AND...it was hotter than hell out there.
time went by so fast out there. i really thought i was gonna puss out really early, but i fished til i nearly passed out. one time hubby actually caught me by the arm as i was teetering. whatever would i do without my hubby? :))
so, anyhow, ya, we didn't have much luck, but ya sure can't say we didn't try. we literally fished until we had FOUR minutes to weigh in. i had no idea how far it was... you know me and my non sense of direction... i didn't even know where we were, much less how long it would take to get back over there. so... we get everything wrapped up... or stowed...whichever you prefer.. and off we go. boy did we go! we musta hit 60 - 70 MPH at times... and our boat is NOT a smooth ride.

there was a couple times i thought i was gonna fly outta the side of the boat.. and that's no joke... it almost happened once before.. but i landed on the back deck! so today... i thought damn... i'm gonna die! so, i was holdin on for my life, bouncin, and gettin tossed all over the place. i had my hat.. my tan "arkansas" hat behind my back... well... i went forward.... the hat went backwards... it is now in the lake...somewhere. so i say.. that little move just cost me my hat! hubby says.. we have THREE minutes to weigh in!!! that's when i just closed my eyes AND my mouth and held on even tighter. cuz i knew he meant business.
somehow.. we managed to make it to weigh in on time... BUT... when we got there... hubby says.. we don't have a bag. oh crap! so he had to go borrow one to put the fish in to take em to weigh in. then he comes back.. and we can't get the freakin fish! first the big one was finally lively again... no more worries about his dumb ass... he starts fightin me...and bitin me.... and i don't know if it was his mouth or a fin but that SOB drew blood! i finally got him in the bag... which had like ten holes in it, and water goin out like a damn sprinkler! so hubbys tryin to keep the fish alive..again, while i chase two very fast little fishies in the live well. finally he drains the water out but it's taking forever. by now EVERYONE is waitin on US! and watching us!!!! OMG! so finally I had to go get another bag, cuz the fish was gonna die... so i go ask for another bag.. some guy says "do you have a big weigh in?" i'm like, haha not even close!" so i go back and hubby still hasn't caught those little bastards. so i go for it again.. maybe five or ten minutes later we finally get the lil fuckers in the bag and get to the scales. hubby knows a lot of these guys, but i had never met them before. so we get over there... and one says to another, hey (so and so) i think he's got you with this one! hmmmmm. this could be interesting. i saw a couple bags and i didn't think his fish was any bigger. so , they get the fish up there... and some dude starts raisin a stink about one of the spots... sayin it's a mixed breed.. a mean mouth... a small mouth mixed with a spot.... then other guys chime in... ya dude you can't weigh that fish. blah blah blah. it was like a 5 oz fish! it wouldn't have won or lost the tournament for anybody. geesh. so hubby had to take the walk of shame and throw his little fishy back into the lake...... which btw...it WAS a spotted bass....had the rough tounge and everything, the guy was just a turd...
BUT.... get this...
ALL was NOT lost... yes we had a rough day... but hubby came through... with a almost five pound bass !!! and WON 70 bucks for big bass!!! woo hoo !!!
i get the kudos for keepin the damn thing alive for two hours tho. :))
the other guy got the kick in the butt for raisin a stink over the baby fishy (only one of the two though) by losin big bass to hubby.
and... i did not wuss out like a cry baby and sit down and stop fishin... at all. i fished my ass off... there's just some days you aren't gonna catch a fish. too bad today was one of those days for me.
i think like 7.5 pounds won it.. 300.00 we coulda used that... and two decent fish woulda done it for us. oh well
there's always next time.

(it prolly took me an hour to write this.. it is now 4:16 PM...and i am going to bed. or maybe i'll take a bath and then go to bed. or perhaps i will bathe and cruise and then go to bed. or maybe i'll just shut up and figure that out in a minute)

i shall catch up with you peeps latah
thanks for the luck!!!
even if it went in hubbys direction.. i get to share the wealth :))

well crap, why did everybody choose TODAY to get a life?

where the hell is everybody?

y'all are out partyin up aint ya? friday rolls around, ya get a little cash, just go out and have a few, and just forget about ole Soul sittin here. ahhhh, but that's ok. i hope you're all havin fun.

me? i did a little readin in my library book.. which was a big mistake actually. my eyes were already burnin for some reason...tired or whatever. old? i don't know. but i'm half blind as it is, and reading is just not that good of an idea on a Good eye day, much less a bad eye day. so now my eyes are on fiah ! and i only read a for maybe an hour or two. which for me.. really isn't a lot.

so anyhow ... guess it's gonna be an early night for me, we have to get up at like 330 tomorrow to be on the lake by 5 AM. the payout is 100 %. i really don't know how much that will add up to, it depends on how many boats fish... but 50 bucks a boat? hmmmmm. sure would be nice to win it. the last two tournaments out there only took ten pounds to win... with a five fish limit. five 2 pounders. it can be done. 2 five pounders? you'd see me cry ! better yet... ONE TEN pounder! oh boy... i'd really cry then.

actually, why don't i get realistic for a moment here... tourney starts at 6... by 8... i'll be cryin from heat , pain, or exhaustion...fish or no fish.

oh well... i'm gonna cruise around a bit i guess and go ta bed.

latah tatahs

Good Golly Miss Molly

here i was with my little list of things to do today.. you know how i have to have a list these days, or nothing gets done..cuz i remember nothing anymore. well... i got as far as ordering a couple prescriptions, and taking my meds. then i got side tracked talking online.

then of course i had to respond to some comments on my blog here.

then of course i made my second or third set of rounds to see if anyone had posted anything new.

and in the meantime, my daughter had woke up, not feeling well... so... i scratched off of my list... school shopping. which actually , for once actually disappointed me. i normally would be thrilled to not shop. but i was kinda lookin forward to it today. soooo.

but anyhow, then, hubby texts me and asks if i want to fish a tournament with him tomorrow. hmmmm. well first he says he needs to know if we have fifty bucks so HE can fish a tourney. i text back...hesitantly, and say, hmmm sure go ahead. wondering what we will sacrifice for it. probably nothing really. but then he texts back and then asks if i want to fish it with him as his partner. hmmm... cool. sorta. even knowing that six hours in the heat fishing is gonna damn near kill me, i text back and say sure. i hope i survive it. i mean like without whimping out and having to stop fishing for too long. there will be money involved and he will need a productive fishing partner. sure would be nice to win some damn money. we used to live right by that lake and fished it all the time. we know some good spots out there. we have a good chance . sooo. this will be the first time we fish an actual tournament together. we've both fished tournaments before but not as partners. it'll be fun..as long as i can stay physically ok. cross yo fingahs!!!!

ok... so now i gotta get the kid to suck it up and shop today... cuz there aint gonna be no shoppin tomorrow. plus i must get groceries in this place today, lest we stahv.

and i gotta pay the dreaded bills. which is always the funnest part of payday. watchin it alllll go away. takes two damn weeks to see it, and half an hour to watch it disappear. aint life just grand?

but, ya know what... if anybody..and i already know, most of you did..read about my yesterday... i must say... today , so far..is a much better day. sure there's stress, but when isn't there? but it's nothin like yesterday, all sick with anxiety, and anger and depression, etc.

i even got a book from the library when we went yesterday, and even started to read it last night. it's actually pretty good. if a book doesn't get my interest within the first few pages, it's a gonner...this one, i got through a couple chapters last night...so that's a good thing. i'll probably actually finish it. if i don't go blind first. (note to self- get to the freakin eye doctor)

ok... the kid is actually feelin betah.. thank God for motrin... she is now doin the primpin thang. we shall get food and school clothes. and if i have an ounce of energy when we get back, i will see you then.

i'm retahded, and so is bloggah

blogger has been draggin it's ass all friggin day . and i'm sick of it. soo , on top of all my other bitches and moans... i shall go to bed now. i have no patience to wait for pages to load . etc etc etc.

however... i did, watch the dvd "300" with hubby tonight. some spartan, barbarian, blood and gore type thing type movie. i expected it to be quite horrible.... as in just plain flat out a bad movie... well, it wasn't so bad after all. as a gal... i'll give it five. enough to hold my attention, but nothing i would watch on my own, ya know. hubby seemed to enjoy it. all the blood and guts and heads flyin etc. it's definitely a guys movie. but not terrible. (lotsa six packs .....if ya know what i mean)

so anyhow... yep... this day has taken just about as much of my , well, my, ummmm.... awakeness? time? effort? energy? that i am going to allow it to have. my bed awaits. and the laptop is not invited.

goodnight , sweet dreams, aloha, via con dios, arriva derci, adios, buenos noches, toodles, ttfn, ttyl, c ya, manyana, latah gatah, chow, and all the other ones that i either can't think of, remember, or don't know.

well, i survived, barely (Thursday PT. 2)

hello peeps.

well, obviously, i made it home from dallas. i'm wondering now if i should begin to call dallas EAST HELL . and NM WEST HELL.

good Lord, i hate that place. it's not really dallas that i hate, it's the getting there that i hate. the driving, the traffic, the idiot drivers; that kinda thing. i have to take three or four different highways to get there. even being a passenger drives me crazy over there. maybe even more so, cuz i have NO control. i use the passenger brake, and the oh shit bar quite often on the passenger side of any vehicle. ugh.

but, anways. for once. literally, the very first time since we first moved here in like hell i don't know 2000 or so... i made it to the dallas VA, without getting lost. i was amazed. but... i did NOT make it without my usual panic / anxiety attack. which was quite significant. i really could have done without that part. yes . that would have made everything much better. because, this little problem, contributed to a few other things after i got there.

like...say, finding a parking spot. you'd think that part should be like the easiest, right? hmmm. well, not when ya can't think! first... i missed the parking lot i was sposed to park in entirely. so i had to drive around the whole friggin hospital to get back to it. which only made me feel stupid, and piss me off. and make me feel worse. but... i found a spot, and it oddly, or luckily, or whatever, wasn't a million miles away from the entrance like it usually is. only HALF a million miles.

sooo... i park, and i set my giant ass cup of coffee on my passenger floor... while i gather all my records and crap i will need to bring in with me. no problem, right? WRONG. i AM me.. after all. remember? ya. so... i drop some folder... it falls to the floor, knocks over the freakin half full 32 ounce cup... and over it goes and spills entirely onto my light grey carpet ! no floor mat.. my car carpet !! not a damn thing i can do.. i have like ten minutes to get to my appointment..and it was gonna take me that long to get into the damn building. so now... the coffee is dry... awaiting me to go out into the 100 degree temp to do "something" not sure what... about it. ERG!
my anxiety is getting worse by the damn second at this point. first the mere THOUGHT of having to go there.. then the damn traffic..and my never ending fear of getting lost, and being late, now i am close to being late AND have ruined my freakin car even FURTHER than the fuckin flood already did. all this and i am already thinking of the damn ride HOME!
AND what they were going to put me through. yep, every womans' favorite thing. NOT!


sooo... i get my crap...and i haul my ass the two or three football field lengths into the hospital. my back is already in knots, my damn head hurts, my hands and innards are all shaky, all that fun shit. i find where i'm sposed to go.. two places actually...one for paperwork, then the GYN clinic.

i already did NOT want to go there...... but here's a little tid-bit that did not even cross my mind that i would have to face today. especially smack in the middle of a damn anxiety attack. my pregnancy/childbirth history !! i hadn't prepared myself for those questions... or the way to answer them. or handle them. i managed to get through it with the nurse alright. got a bit more nervous and shakey, maybe choked up..but i got it out ok. BUT then...ten minutes later...if that... i get called into the dr's office...and that is what she decides to BEGIN with. i still hadn't even caught my breath from everything else the morning had brought my way yet. my GAWD.

so she starts in with all these freakin questions...and of course she wants details that the nurse didn't./.. which is probably why it was easier with the nurse. but oh maaan. i broke down and bawled like a baby... or a crazy lady... not sure which she may have thought. but she seemed understanding enough, gave me a few minutes to regain what little composure i had... and continued... on to a different subject...i guess she had enough info on that.

after that... it was just the humiliation part to get passed..then i got the fuck out of there.
and would you believe .... i made it all the way TO and FROM dallas... with not one problem on the road... BUT i got my ass LOST INSIDE the damn hospital ! yep.. i couldn't remember which door i came in. i walked around for ten minutes trying to get out of there. STILL in a freakin state of damn anxiety... and not a single xanax in my possession.

some days i just hate to be ME.

just to say good mornin , good mornin, good mornin, TO YOU

i'm off to do SO MANY of my favorite things!
such as
drive to DALLAS
GO to VA
for a GYN appt no less... OMG !!!
also a comp & pen appt..which may or may not be a good thing
then drive BACK through Dallas
then my daughter... while i am sure i will be ready to fall on my face...wants to go to the library...and get some much needed food in this place.

does anyone want to trade places for the day????
awww c'mon

i shall return... if i don't have some major panic attack on one of the major highways i must travel...or get lost forever...or road rage and kill someone...or...something else that i shouldn't or would hope not to do.

ok i'm already late...gotta go

Look What The Cat Dragged IN

y'all made me do it !!!! :))

The Sounds Of Silence:

By Simon And Garfunkle

Hello darkness, my old friend,
Ive come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dare
Disturb the sound of silence.

Fools said i, you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you.
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon God they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the sign said, the words of the prophets

Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whispered in the sounds of silence.

somebody talk to me

i'm - dyin -a - boredom - heah
y'all are gonna force me to post somethin really stupid.
like a really shitty song or somethin.
i know ya don't want me to do that, do ya?

i can't believe how freakin boring i am lately

i have absolutely nothing to say. about anything. see what happens when you don't have a kid. everything just falls flat. all i've talked about for a week is fishing, and missing my kid...and these dumb ass surveys that really only kill time and make you analyze yourself. hmm could this really be the way i am?? oh, i doubt it. even tho some do come close. but so does astrology and that type of stuff, but i don't live my life by that either.

hmmmmm....
what to say, what to say. i am blog dead.
i lead quite the boring life. at least lately. aside from fishing. i have fished a lot, and even caught some. a couple nice ones too. some not so nice. but a couple. it really is gettin a bit too hot to fish much lately though. man is it ever gettin HOT! over 100 now the last couple days...and 100 here is like 110 in a "dry heat". whatever.

so. i guess i really don't have anything to say. maybe i shall find some stupid meme or some other conversation generating thing to hijack from somewhere. i just don't know.

She's Home !

I got my baby back baby back baby back ribs ! I mean i got my baby back HOME. yep. she's home, and safe. and happy to be here. and i, needless to say, am happy to have her. we're both exhausted now though. her, because she stayed up all night with her cousin last night, and me, cuz i woke up early this morning, then the exhausting nerve wracking drive to and from the airport...not to mention a big lunch. i see a nap in the near future...for both of us. what a relief to have my girl back home. gramma misses her already though. i knew she would, she never has done goodbyes very well. they had a good visit though.
anyhow... will c yall latah
have good days.

it's almost time to go get my girl!!! woo hoo!

yep..less than an hour, and i leave for the airport. i'm not looking forward to driving through dallas... but i can't wait to see my kiddo !! i sure have missed her. i hope i don't get lost! you know me and driving don't go well together...especially in dallas. i'm nervous...but , i have two maps...so i should be fine. gonna give myself some extra time though, just in case. and i have two different routes...just in case there's an accident or bad traffic. i sure don't want to be late.

anyhow. not much else to report right now.

will write more later on.

c yaaaaa

did i mention i went fishing again today? (monday #4)

well i did. nothin to brag about.. but it was from the creek. that is a good thing.

The Kid"S Got Plans!! (This is a reply to an email i sent my girl)

i love you toooooo.
its okayyyy.

and if you think you miss me too much by wanting to call every hour...
imagine how much i miss YOU by having an anxiety attack.

jitterbug looks like she has down syndrome
:]

and so do you in the picture with sushi
hahahah
:]

so does spot....
our animals are just retarted
:]


are you taking good care of sushiiiiii
:]

i miss sushi
a whole bunchhhhh

she is going to be happy to see me
:D

when i get home
im going to make dad go to pei wei
and get
two orders of 8 crap wontons :]]]]
and my honey chicken
and your coconut curry or whatever
and then im gonna make sushi a little plate
and shes gonna have a wonton
and a peice of chicken
and a tiny bit of riceeee
in a wittle bowl :]
and im gonna cut up her chicken and wonton:]]]
and then
me and you and dad are gonn go to walgreens
to get all kinds of snack food and candy :]
and me and sushi are gonna make a tent
and watch scary movies
because shes my best fwend
:]

and i can tell her anything i want
because she CANT tell anyone :DDD

i love that stupid dog so muchhhhhhhhh
:]]]]

and my new magazine comes out on the day i get back
:DDD
yayyyy

and i dont care what you say :]
im going to force you and daddy to buy me pei wei and snacks and candy and blockbuster and my magazine:]
or i will tackle you
and cut off dads human blanky priveleges
:]]

it will be fun


i love sushi & middnugget
i love our dumbbutt catsssss
and i love you and daddy :]

and make sure sushi doesnt get to sad
and stop eating
:]


sf,skgfjsdlgkjdsg
:]
iloveyouuuuu guys!