i'm so irrisponsible

"which way do i go george?"


the weather is sposed to get bad in a little while so i cancelled my va appointment. no way am i drivin to dalas --and back--in the rain. these people can't drive when it's dry... so uh uh.

i cancelled my appointment--
and i wanna go fishin before it rains!

i have a million things to do here--
but i just can't get motivated.

i do have an appointment later with my kid.
that's a little stressful-- her and her counselor actually.
thats at 4.
i'd have plenty of time to fish til it rains and go there.
right?
ok thanks..
fishin it is

y'all have happy days in your worlds
i'll work on it here in mine.

dallas, doctors and drugs oh shit

well folks, i survived the hospital hell and road trip to dallas this morning. even with my soulman--or "the keeper" as AC decided to name him. (i like that BTW :)) BUT YEP EVEN WITH HIM TO DRIVE AND BE WITH ME FOR THE HELL JOURNEY--- IT WAS STILL HELL. AND HIS FIRST TASTE OF IT (OOH CAPS, sorry)
anyways-- we got a late start anyhow-- my fault tryin to get all my crap together. which i shoulda done the night before---but did i? oh nooooo--- i am the great procrastinator you know.

so, whadays think happens? we hit gridlock about half way there. an accident on the highway. maybe it's a good and ironic thing that we left late-- we may have been in the wreck-- but it took over thirty minutes to go less than four miles. no shit. DFW ya know. gotta love it.

so, that little deal made us even later-- almost an hour late for my appointment time. i called to let them know we were late-- and by the time i was on hold for twenty minutes, we were almost there--so he said they would fit me in. oh yay, that could mean between then and 5 pm. i was tempted to just go home, but couldn't risk not getting an appointment for two months. so we forged onward.

in the remaining time i had a chance to give jlee a call. a text actually, but she called me right back. we're doue for another starbucks cawfee talk. looks like we have both been thru a lot lately. so yep-- we tried to get that planned, but being in the car made it tough, so we made tentative plans. hope it works out this time. seems her work, or my health has interfered with our last many "tentative plans" to get together. so, we'll see about the end of the week. wish us luck.

as for the doc-- he did see me-- unwillingly. he was running behind, and i was an hour late. ugh. all i wanted to do was switch my rx's to VA rather than pay my car payment out to meds every month. he was ok with a few-- but of course didn't hear--or understand when i told him i did NOT want to get meds on the outside. he thought i was trying to "double dip" on pain meds-- so he did NOT fill those. figures.
as for the psyche meds-- the really expensive 80 here 80- there ones--- he sent me to mental health-- which was a total fiasco--- and now i have to go BACK tomorrow! at 9 am. spose i'll be sure to have my shit together and leave around 7 or so. they don't understand that i don't want to see their shrink-- i want to keep my own... i just want my meds from the va. wtf is so difficult there? with any of it. they are all just stupid. but i can't not go-- psyche meds alone run me over 200 a month. erg. it's sickening to try to be healthy :))

then i got to the pharmacy to pick up the other meds---- and ended up standing in line for 40 minutes!! i was about to faint by the time i got up there. then to be in pain, and not get pain meds i expected i'd have--- i was pissed. and i wasn't about to stay there one second longer trying to straighten it all out.

besides-- i had a pain rx ready , that i didn't pick up yesterday-at my own pharmacy. BUT when i went to get it-- they were closed! can we say--- it's cuz you're YOU.? it has to be. i was livid--not to mention in pain. ugh. somebody just kill me?

i'd almost just rather keep things as they are and stay the hell out of dallas. but then someone - a pharmacy out here-- screws up too. why pay for that= when i can get screwed for free? :))

so we went to lunch and came home. i am exhausted too. but if i sleep now -- i won't sleep tonight, and i aint drivin to dallas with no sleep. i've had enough sleep drivin lately to last a lifetime.

ahhh--- in other soul news? my neurologist called with the most recent MRI results. not devastating, but not withoout concern either. i have a bulging disc in my neck--c-spine actually. same thing kinda. and the shoulder pain seems to be tendonitis. yes. tendonitis. how the hell did I get tendonitis this bad?? and does it burn like it has been?? i never had it so i dont know. but this burning and other crap? it's fixin to make me hurt someone. anyone by the name of doctor.
you know i'm kidding. don't be callin the cops or lockin me in a rubber room. but man it's frustrating. pain isa bitch..daily pain is worse, constant pain is a killer, and i think it's the root of all my problems right now. the not sleeping the bein a bitch, the lack of motivation, the depression, all of it.
and well, besides all that crap? march 19 was the anniversary of my first sons death. that was just a few days ago. i don't think i mentioned it here. it's never an easy day-- and this was number 20.
october 25th will/would be his 21st birthday. i expect it to be a shitty day. his 18th was a tough one. i imagine i will live tho--i've made it this far.

so anyhoo-- i gotta go get out of this desk chair. my back is on fiah.

talk to me peoples-- how's life at your place?

happy monday.

it's party time-- woo hoo

guess where i'm going -- in like 15 minutes?
oh ya... the VA hospital in dallas. you all know its my favorite place to be -- drive , go, ---omg-- it kills me to think about it- but at least i have hubby to drive me today. that will take a load off.
i have to go--will update on my return.
laterz all

EEGADS!!!

NO FISH FOR ME TODAY, BUT I FISHED TIL I ALMOST DROPPED.

AND THIS GUY COULDA DROPPED ME PDQ



snaaaaaaaake!!!!!

i'm exhausred and goin to bed.
byeeeeee

and hello to alkl the new folks who came to check out the pix.

happy rest of the day folks---
i'm gone-

MY EYE!!!

click on any pix you want to see bigger---
esp the fish that got cut in half
he gets whole again if ya click him.


chow peeps

sleep deprivation does nuthin for the soul

yep i am still awake

how on earth could i sleep, after what happened to jitterbug?















just look at the poor girl !!

coulda been worse tho...
after her shenanigans!

just look what happened to spot!!!

so anyways...
i have an idea--
i know most of you are a bit past the age of movies like this -
as we all are i think.
but for those of us with tweens or teen daughters,
we may have seen
"the sisterhood of the traveling pants"
yes? no?
well... my idea is this;
blame sleep deprivation if ya wanna -
but i think it would be fun.

y'all know the ugly soul shirt, right?
this one --

well, i been thinkin... ok not thinkin... it just crossed my mind a while ago when i saw the pic again. so i siad to myself--
hey self, wouldn't it be fun to do the ugly soul shirt, like the traveling pants? !


well, i think SO. not sure about y'all... but here's what i wanna do---

what if we mailed the shirt to everybody-- and they take a pic wearing it, and post it on their blog;
so we can all hijack it? (the photo)
i think it would be the coolest thing, in a collage frame---
us and all our peeps wearin the ugly soul shirt.

if anyone wants to do it-- just let me know. i'll send it to the first person,
then they send it on to someone else on the list.
whaddaya think?

prolly that i'm crazy--- but really--
even if it's a little small on ya-- like brad :))
wear it open over a t shirt.

it could be fun.
and how many of us are just rollin around like pigs in FUN lately?

y'all willing?

i'll even spice it up a little---
the person who looks the stupidest in their photo

wins a NO expense paid vacation tooooooo :

WHO'S FIRST?


BWA HAHAHAHHA

goo'night peeps.
and :

"aure vois"

:))

F.R.T's , fat clothes, and sleep bloggin

i did think i was gettin a second wind --but it musta just been a "fast repetitive tick." (F.R.T.) bwa hahahaha!!!
i'm kidding. and i know most of you weren't here yet when i wrote that post-- so i guess it's only funny to me and my sleep deprived self. but that's alright. right?
i've heard worse ya know. hell...i've said worse too.





so anyhow-- i bet most of you are sleepin. that's really where i should be. it sure is where i planned to be by now-- or til now-- or at all. but once again i didn't make it. i assume i everntually will though. i have to actually-- i have a lot of shit to do tomorrow and i do not wanna be sleep drivin again!








i don't know why, on nights like this--when i pass a certain time--like i spose 3 a.m without makin it to bed--or to sleep--it just seems like "why bother". ya know? alarm hell starts at 530 and every three miunutes after that for another thirty. it just drives me nuts,. so, i stay up-- or maybe doze off in the chair-- but y'all know-- that does no good for the ole back and neck.











i'm sittin here now though, thinkin... man, soulman is gonna be up soon, and here i sit---that's just dandy. i know he won't be able to not say anything about it. "mr nagathon".
oh, i mean that in the most kind way.
but he will come out here bitchin... "you were up all night weren't you??"
and i'll just be like charlie brown when the teacher talks..
" mwa mwa mwa mwa".
i can't get upset today, and i wont-- not over something i have no--;ok little control over.



well, ok... it isn't quite that bad around here, yet--- but when it gets to be-- who's gonna help me haul him to new mexico??? he has a big ole installed tool box in the back of the bubba mobile. :))

bwa hahaha!

y'all know i'm just kiddin. and sleep deprived.
and mental. (certifiably so even.)

it just gets to me when every day---or every other day-- it's the same ole thing...
did you sleep?
you were up all night weren't you?
you need to rest.
OMG...yes i know. i don't plan it. and i don't like it. and really-- the worst part is upsetting those who care. well, that, and sleep driving. no fun at all.



oh hell, do i even know what i'm sayin? i think i had a direction when i started this--- but you know me...
i have zero sense of direction... where's the vocabulary garmin? (GPS)

it would be nice if they had one of those for writing huh? blogs, poems, short stories, etc etc. just throw a couple words in it and it could suggest shit to ya. like a rhyming dictionary, a thesaurus, or even just a second veiwpoint. this of course would be for peeps like me who have no identity-- and rarely leaves the house,


holy shit , i'm gettin tired-- do i make coffee, or go to bed. decisions decisions. i've been drinkin "decafinated swill" for hours. GAG me. never again.
so, hmmm... maybe i'll make coffee, and when i get back i'll tell ya somethin. ok?





ok--- well i am back. in fact, i have been back. i was adding clip art while the fresh coffee brewed. now i have a cup-- and shall continue with my half sleep blogging.

i don't guess i have too much else to say--- just that i'm gettin fat people! it's the med change. it has to be. i think i'm pushin over ten pounds now-- and none of my clothes fit anymore! it's awful. a few pounds would have been ok... but bustin outta my clothes-- (mostly pants and shorts)--that were loose to begin with? ugh. a nightmare i say.

WAKEUP!!!
here i come-- nekkid and freezin. what a wild woman!

actually--the other day i went and bought some new clothes... it's just that i am no tryer oner. never have been. so now, sometime today i have to find the time to go to four stores and get my refunds and exchanges.










has anyone else noticed-- todays clolthes just suck ass? well they do.

so wish me luck on my exchanging excursion eh?





oh PS- did i mention that the tile fairy came out yesterday?

ooooh lala

soul-out--
happy friday to you all--

waking up on my death couch - ugh

couches are not meant for sleepin on:

that there is called a coffin-couch. lemmee tell ya, at 2 a.m. i may as well have slept on that thing. it's been over an hour since i woke up, and i still feel like i got run over. TWICE!


yesterday was another rough one. one more night with NO sleep,makes the days get worse and worse.
i did get a nap after i ran around and did some other stuff, but that wasn't til like 2 iin the afternoon i think. and after waking up behind the wheel of the car on my way home from the doctor-- half way on the wrong side of the road !!! i am surprised i didn't get pulled over. my gawd..it happened like four times. i didn't think i'd make it home.

at about 6 hubby woke me up .. so i woul be able to go back to bed later and not stay up all night again. my gawd that shit's gettin old. it's unnatural to not sleep for days at a time--and it is really beginning to affect me.

we had salad for dinner, and watched american idol. well.. i watched part of it. after i ate-- i had to lay down, so i moved to the couch to watch. within minutes i was fallin asleep-- but denying it when soulman would try to send me to bed. i really just wanted to spend time with him,,,, seems we've not seen each other in days-- and i never sleep--so what's wrong with that picture? so anyhow-- he'd say go to bed.. i'd bitch, "i'm watchin. i'm awake. leave me alone!".. i was a bitch, didn't mean to be, but it's not like i plan it when it happens anyhow. guess that part of me is inbred----i am my gran - gran. ha-- that would be my mother. she was mean too. and i am beginning to get mean... not the "sarcastic" bitch " i claim to be. i have crossed that thin line.
i reckon blood clots and seizures, and drug addict kids, and xbox addicted hubbys and messy houses and too many shittin , peein, pukin , scratchin furniture animals, will do that to a person.
i hear "this will pass"--- but ya know what i have learned? the shit does pass--- only to slow down in front of me like "a damn not knowin how to drive driver on a cell phone so i can run into it again".. ugh.


so anyhow- i wake up this morning, at 2 am. on the killer couch-- apparently , he did "leave me alone".....cuz i swear-- i feel like hell. from head to toe i hurt everywhere! i think i may sell that couch today. it is not a layin down on couch. in fact, i don't have a layin down on couch--and i want one! but it aint this one.
this one damn near killed me. so it is outta heah... today if not sooner. money or not--i'll donate the son of a bitch, and buy one i can actually relax on.
the theater seats were a big mistake. anyone want to buy em..cheap? or trade? i'm sick of em. but hey-- they're paid for. which is more than i can say for my bed. :O




sleepin all contorted on that thing left me feeling like hell swallowed me whole when i woke up. ooooohhhh the pain. even my hands and feet hurt---not to mention my head, back and legs-- and neck. ugh-- my neck. someone just kill me.
but hey, i am slow at posting-- so since i started this post i have taken aleive , had 2 cups of coffee, and sat up in my soul chair--- for like 2 hours. so it's not quite so bad now-- but it's still bad. and aggetating. this body of mine. and couch.

i think i am learning to live with the pain. i do have a decent doc finally who understands and does prescribe pain meds-- but they really aren't enough, not in strength or numbers, but they help. and i appreciate that. even though i have begun hiding them..even with soulkid in rehab, i hide pills...and then cannot find them !!! like this morning. ugh. yes, that's why i took the no no alleive. cuz i forgot where i hid my pain meds. how stupid.
i swear i'm losin my mind, and the forgetfulness is gettin so bad--- it is beginning to get me in trouble. i make promises, or say things-- then i don't remember it. then the end result is lettin someone down. sucks to be me. but oh well. time for an altzheimers test.
cuz apparently-- i promised soulkid i would take her to austin-- for a "fun weekend"--- when did this happen??? i have NO recollection of it. but she and her dad do. so i guess i said it. i did plan on takin her on a trip-- but it wasn't to friggin austin. there is nuthin i want to do there. i would love to go tubin again-- but the water is too cold right now. so that's out. wtf?
anyhow-- to cease an argument-- i agreed-- fine we'll go to austin. even tho i don't remember talkin about it-- and i don't wanna go. dammit.

i don't know why i worry right now-- i don't have any idea when she's gettin outta rehab anyways. by then maybe she will change her mind...or i will. or perhaps someone will forget about it. like me.


welp-- i think that's about all i got for now. except the mysterious underlining. always shows up when i seem to be frustrated about something.

what might that be, i wonder? hmmmm.

one thing that i'm pissed about is yesterday i went into a damned convenience store to pee and get somethin to drink... i bet i sneezed thirty times in that store. then on the way out i noticed i didnt have my phone. ugh. the cashier wanted me to fill out some form for a store card-- when i said no i have to go find my phone--- she said whats it look like?
SNEEZE__SNEEZE---- it's in a black holster.
she held it up--
SNEEZE..thank you!
i haven't sneezed since-- but my nose is like a broken faucet. i've sprung a leak.
it better be some new allergy to somethnin in that store-- cuz i do not wanna be sick right now.

anyways--
the second video--i was surprised it took the right song--- but when i redid it-- i had two songs and a whole lot more pix that did not go on it. how frustrating. makin those things can be a real bitch sometimes.

so-- do have happy days in your worlds today---
i'll get back to you on mine.
maybe.

oh hell, is anyone else awake at this hour?

it sure wasn't my plan to be, but is it ever? nope.
soo anyhow-- i was about to start this post at 331...when i noticed that---i stopped and waited for the 333. (a.m.) don't ask me what it is with that number-- for real, i don't know what it means. i reckon i just notice it a lot.

anyways.. i told y'all i'd be back to finish the previous post-- but i obviously got busy. it was worth it for a while tho---my house looks really good today. just a little more to do and it will look mahvelous. hubby got home from work early and gave me a hand. just cuz we were expecting the tile guy tonight-- but it was his turn to reschedule with us i guess. so he will be here tomorrow. i can't wait to have all my shower tiles back up and 2 showers usable. ugh. you just don;t know the frustration. well of course you do, who am i kiddin.

lately, i have been terribly stressed--and i reckon manic too. i rarely sleep lately and it's drivin me nuts. i used to wake up at this time--- now i'm lucky if i even go to bed at this time. i'll bet five out of seven days a week--- i am up all night long. it causes nagging from everyone around me. hubby, soulkid, doctors, even soulkids dr's. as if i don't know that i need to sleep. ugh. 6-12 hours a week of sleep is just not gonna cut it if this decides to last much longer. not much i can do about it tho. i take my meds... i've switched my meds. wth else am i supposed to do?? i clean, i do taxes, i write, i do nuthing at all some nights, and others i make playlists and cd's online. i have actually made some pretty good cd's/ i even get to listen to them in my car--- when i'm alone. :))

so-- speakin of music-- here's a video i found on utube, that seems suitable for the situation here. while that plays you can cruise around i reckon. see if ya missed anything.
here ya go-- i'll move up--well, no i won't i'll just put it here, then finish below that. sound like a plan? it works for my fried brain.

vid

vid

so-- as for the rest of the story---
the other video--darius rucker-- i put on here earlier today--- it was actually not the original song i had chosen for it. i chose a nickleback song-- in honor of my smocha.
y'all know she just loooves nicleback. me? a few here and there--and i like this one. but-- as it turns out-- my pix turned out a bit long for the song--as usual...grrrrr...so i just added another song, and let it go.

hope you like it.

ok now i'll post this video-- that i planned on this afternoon ...before utube bitched about copyright crap. and move upstairs. k.
luv ya


well shiiit--its darius-- i'll get it figured out later

for now--play the nickleback and watch the other--if it will let ya ughugh

BWAHAHAHA IT WORKED!!!

vid

when it Raines it pours :))

my catch o' the day yesterday. :))
only one but i ran out of time.

anyhow.. i'm not done with this post yet but i have thangs ta do.
so come back later. k

happy tuesday

why does this take soooo looong

dedicated to my soul peeps :))
happy days to all of you out there

(i had to leave while this was uploading--but now i am back...and here you go--)
enjoy
(the stupid thing decided it wants to stick (stop) around 3:00 on the timer thing--just click the sliding play guide a little--you only miss a few frames. i;ll work on it more later.

i gotsta run

so, whaddayathinkabout THIS???

	Sun		Mon		Tue		Wed		Thu		Fri		Sat
	64		77		76		80		66		68		70
	45		49		54		55		51		49		51