dallas, doctors and drugs oh shit

well folks, i survived the hospital hell and road trip to dallas this morning. even with my soulman--or "the keeper" as AC decided to name him. (i like that BTW :)) BUT YEP EVEN WITH HIM TO DRIVE AND BE WITH ME FOR THE HELL JOURNEY--- IT WAS STILL HELL. AND HIS FIRST TASTE OF IT (OOH CAPS, sorry)
anyways-- we got a late start anyhow-- my fault tryin to get all my crap together. which i shoulda done the night before---but did i? oh nooooo--- i am the great procrastinator you know.

so, whadays think happens? we hit gridlock about half way there. an accident on the highway. maybe it's a good and ironic thing that we left late-- we may have been in the wreck-- but it took over thirty minutes to go less than four miles. no shit. DFW ya know. gotta love it.

so, that little deal made us even later-- almost an hour late for my appointment time. i called to let them know we were late-- and by the time i was on hold for twenty minutes, we were almost there--so he said they would fit me in. oh yay, that could mean between then and 5 pm. i was tempted to just go home, but couldn't risk not getting an appointment for two months. so we forged onward.

in the remaining time i had a chance to give jlee a call. a text actually, but she called me right back. we're doue for another starbucks cawfee talk. looks like we have both been thru a lot lately. so yep-- we tried to get that planned, but being in the car made it tough, so we made tentative plans. hope it works out this time. seems her work, or my health has interfered with our last many "tentative plans" to get together. so, we'll see about the end of the week. wish us luck.

as for the doc-- he did see me-- unwillingly. he was running behind, and i was an hour late. ugh. all i wanted to do was switch my rx's to VA rather than pay my car payment out to meds every month. he was ok with a few-- but of course didn't hear--or understand when i told him i did NOT want to get meds on the outside. he thought i was trying to "double dip" on pain meds-- so he did NOT fill those. figures.
as for the psyche meds-- the really expensive 80 here 80- there ones--- he sent me to mental health-- which was a total fiasco--- and now i have to go BACK tomorrow! at 9 am. spose i'll be sure to have my shit together and leave around 7 or so. they don't understand that i don't want to see their shrink-- i want to keep my own... i just want my meds from the va. wtf is so difficult there? with any of it. they are all just stupid. but i can't not go-- psyche meds alone run me over 200 a month. erg. it's sickening to try to be healthy :))

then i got to the pharmacy to pick up the other meds---- and ended up standing in line for 40 minutes!! i was about to faint by the time i got up there. then to be in pain, and not get pain meds i expected i'd have--- i was pissed. and i wasn't about to stay there one second longer trying to straighten it all out.

besides-- i had a pain rx ready , that i didn't pick up yesterday-at my own pharmacy. BUT when i went to get it-- they were closed! can we say--- it's cuz you're YOU.? it has to be. i was livid--not to mention in pain. ugh. somebody just kill me?

i'd almost just rather keep things as they are and stay the hell out of dallas. but then someone - a pharmacy out here-- screws up too. why pay for that= when i can get screwed for free? :))

so we went to lunch and came home. i am exhausted too. but if i sleep now -- i won't sleep tonight, and i aint drivin to dallas with no sleep. i've had enough sleep drivin lately to last a lifetime.

ahhh--- in other soul news? my neurologist called with the most recent MRI results. not devastating, but not withoout concern either. i have a bulging disc in my neck--c-spine actually. same thing kinda. and the shoulder pain seems to be tendonitis. yes. tendonitis. how the hell did I get tendonitis this bad?? and does it burn like it has been?? i never had it so i dont know. but this burning and other crap? it's fixin to make me hurt someone. anyone by the name of doctor.
you know i'm kidding. don't be callin the cops or lockin me in a rubber room. but man it's frustrating. pain isa bitch..daily pain is worse, constant pain is a killer, and i think it's the root of all my problems right now. the not sleeping the bein a bitch, the lack of motivation, the depression, all of it.
and well, besides all that crap? march 19 was the anniversary of my first sons death. that was just a few days ago. i don't think i mentioned it here. it's never an easy day-- and this was number 20.
october 25th will/would be his 21st birthday. i expect it to be a shitty day. his 18th was a tough one. i imagine i will live tho--i've made it this far.

so anyhoo-- i gotta go get out of this desk chair. my back is on fiah.

talk to me peoples-- how's life at your place?

happy monday.