i fell into a burnin' ring of fire

hi-lo my soul-peeps...

i'm not real certain of what to write about today. maybe i should wait a while to write anything at all, but usually if i don't post while everyone is either asleep- or gone somewhere--- i find it hard to concentrate. oh hell, i can't concentrate any damn way. but it is easier for me without the tv, music, x box, or some other damn thing bothering my already cluttered mind.

anyhow, i know a few of you have noticed... but some may not have. but i have not been my normal self lately. i don't know how much of this i am willing to share.. but i will say that it is my belief (and a couple others close to me) - that yet another medication has affected much more than it should have, or actually more than i am sure the doctor intended it to.

i stopped the med several days ago, but it is taking time to leave my system fully. it is however not making me feel as horrible as only a day or two ago.

so anyhow. just so ya know-- i'll get it together soon. well, as much as i ever had it together before :))

ok... moving on...

i posted about my dog several days ago too. midnight. poor midnight. it is quite evident that this time, it is no false alarm. she will not be bouncing back from this latest episode of whatever it is that happened to her. in fact just last night, for the first time, i actually saw her "do something". it was very alarming to me. i actually thought she might die right there in front of me. we were out late last night, and she had been left alone for longer than she has in a very long time. so really i don't know if it had happened to her earlier in the evening or not; but i was settling into bed, and she, as usual, was on her bed next to me on the floor... i was just talking to her... and when i looked over the front of her body-- like her arms, paws head, neck chest etc.... were almost like a convulsion would be-- but it wasn't her full body. when i called her name, she didn't respond. it only lasted less than a minute.. she went to sleep immediately after, but did respond to me, and seems ok this morning... except she is crying. she has been crying A LOT for days. it's killing me. just killing me. if yesterday-- or even today weren't a weekend... i would take her to the vet, and just get it over with. she can't get comfortable, she is miserable, she paces, and cries, and i don't know what happened last night-- but whatever it was-- it was not good. i am sure, by the end of next week, i will be burying my best and longest lasting friend. and once again.. i will stand alone in the wake of grief. but it is time. i cannot allow her to suffer anymore, to save myself the pain of another loss.


well.. i suppose that is enough of that. don't you?

on a lighter note...

we all actually got out of the house last night. soulkid piled three extra kids into the car, rather than one-- into my nissan.... two had to share a seat belt-- that was real fun.. but surprisingly-- when they get older .. the "she's lookin at me!" - and "he's touching me!" does stop. so that much was good. and i laughed at their conversations. 13 and 14 year old kids come up with some very funny stuff. and to add -- they also seem to add the shock factor quite a bit more often than they do at 3 or 4 years old. i'm so glad i do have a sense of humor at times such as these.

anyhow, we dropped them off at mall hell -- thank God above she is of age that we can do that now. (never alone, but oh man, it's wonderful when she has someone to go with.. i HATE the mall.) after we left them, hubby and i went to eat, because our next stop was what i knew would be an even worse hell than any mall on earth could ever be for me. and besides that-- my body was screaming for a steak. i wanted a steak so bad, that i knew it was not my stomach talking... my body needed some damned meat. and would you believe i matched big ole soulman bite for bite? it was like i was starving to death or something. very strange. but it was also very good.
i will never fully understand how the human body works, but i think i need to eat more steak..... :))

so anyhow.... after dinner, and some quite sensitive and touchy conversation-- that actually went better than i had anticipated (nothing bad)... just touchy--- anyhow.. we left there, and guess where we went??? oh man. do ya really want to know? we knew we were gonna go. but really we had no idea that it would take over four damned hours to complete our task.
so anyways-- wanna know where we went? wanna know what we did?

we went to a car dealership (i typed dealershiT, and had to laugh, cuz that's really suitable for the hell it was )
anyhow...

the below pic is not the one i actually bought-- it is hijacked off the net--- i can't find my color in a large enough pic online, and i don;t know where my damn camera is-- so until i find it--or borrow soulkids camera... this will have to do----

my color is
"aloe green metallic"
it's a toyota camry.
and i like it alot.

we got realllllleeeeee screwed on the trade in, but remember the engine light was on-- even though hubby spent 40 dollars on the part, and two hours of his yesterday replacing it-- it still didn't make the light go out. PLUS... we had STILL been hearing water in the engine on occasion.. from the flash flood from.. hell, when? months and months ago. so, we are far more than upside down, but we have never not been when it comes to buying a car anyhow.
oh, and another good thing? i really don't think that they noticed the bumper damage from when i backed into the pole when we bought soulmans truck. even though it was minimal.. they still coulda knocked off another grand saying they needed to replace the bumper etc.
so.. it coulda been worse i reckon.

and i'll tell ya , on the test drive... oh man i fell right in love with it. the comfort, the power, pretty much everything. i really like it. and the difference between this and the nissan in both... unbelievable .

another great benny??? i can control the stereo from the steering wheel! oh the control! i laughed when i told soulkid--of course she grumbled. the stereo wars in the car may just come to an end... BWA HA HA HA HA!!!

welp-- i think that is about all i can spew out of me for now.

happy sunday to y'all...

can we say "OH SHIT" ?

well, I sure can.
in fact, i think i said it four or five times in a row,
just now.

oh well. guess i'll live.
not that big a deal.

but, just so ya know... in case you noticed-
i have been making some changes here over the
last couple of days-
and this morning, while deleting some entries, i guess
i accidentally deleted some in Jan this year, that i didn't intend to.

i did, however intend to delete "most" of 2007.
there were a few that i wanted to keep.
but most are gone now.
new year...so why not, right.
whatever.

so anyhow...
i sure didn't mean to to delete "angies survivor post".. that was the most positive
post i have had up in what seems to be quite a while.
let's all wish her the best, and if she does get on the show--
we gotta be her biggest fans ya know.

so anyhow ...
i got things to to do---
i know that is hard to believe
but it's true.

so, i hope you all have the best day possible
in your own world today-
i will try

this is for a blog pal- but i am SURE y'all will like it TOO

talk about an awkward moment:
just as i was hijackin this "fishin fairy" below...
soulman was walking behind me....
he stops when he gets in front of me to say-
"I saw that..."
if only you could have seen the LOOK
yep
that "look"
then i had to explain ...
good Lord.
it really is a good thing
that i have an understanding hubby--
JLEE---
you almost got me in trouble :))
so, without further ado---
feast yo eyes on THIS-
(a gift from Gypsy)

just when you think you've had all the shit you can handle...

THIS comes along. "Jenkem" ever heard of it??? OMG. go read it. i always knew kids were stupid, but this takes the cake! this is beyond stupid. beyond desperate even. i cannot believe this. who would even ever think of this???

anyhow... all my tv's and internet mess is straightened out. last night, i thought all the tvs worked , apparently only the one in my room was working. and the internet still had a glitch, but it's smooth as glass now.
the tv guy said that the guys who buried the line the other day-- not only.. STOLE two friggin splitters!!! (can you believe that??) ooooh i am so mad. i mean c'mon.. fifteen bucks worth of crap-- if that???? they gotta steal it??? that's why they drove off like they did.
anyhow, they apparently also nicked a line on the side of the house--and that's why some of the tvs wouldn't work, so the guys today had to run a separate line ..blah blah blah..i know-- this is boring...sorry--i'll move on.

but--- i don't think i have anything else to say.
so goodnight..see ya tomorrow...

how can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat??

why in the hell does this thing always want to type in bold? or it wants to underline, or do some other weird thing... that i don't tell it to do??? am i just stupid or somethin? don't answer that. or if you do, lie. :))

anyhow-- i suppose we shall deal with bold text this time.

(it doesn't even look bold after posted--how stupid)

and a somewhat random post i'm guessin as well. because i am blank as a new sheet of paper. it is 340 in the damn morning and i have already been up for more than an hour. i woke to midnight choking. i thought she might be having a seizure. she wasn't. she was just chokin. on what , i have no clue. i petted her, and she layed back down, and i tried to go back to sleep... but she kept doin it-- a couple more times, so i just got up with her, and took her out here to get her some water. she did drink some, and hasn't choked since, so maybe she had somethin in her throat? i don't know.
but anyhow, i wasn't able to go back to bed...didn't even bother to try.

as for midnight--and i know, for those of you who have been around a while - i know you have heard me say this a dozen times --- but here i go again. i think she really is on her last leg. i am actually surprised she made it thru december . (oh btw-- for the new folks, if you haven't figured it out yet, midnight is my extremely old lady lab) - anyhow, a few nights ago- maybe friday night.. i think she had a stroke or a seizure. at least that's what the vet said the first time she showed the symptoms she was having. but when i took her to the vet that time, it costed a lot of money-- and they really did nothing FOR her, so the few times it has happened since, i just watch her for a few days, and so far she has bounced back pretty good. this time , it's not looking as good. the other day, she wouldn't wake up. she always-- always.. wakes up when i do. it doesn't matter if it is 2 a.m. or 6 a.m - if i get up- she gets up with me..and is usually somewhat energetic and ready to go outside. and these are the times that she doesn't wake me up panting or dancing, or licking me in the face to let her out. well, the other day-- you know my damn memory- friday am, sat? thursday/ hell i don't know, but just a few days ago--- she didn't wake up til.. maybe... maybe... ten??? ish. i checked that dog two , three, four, times maybe to make sure she was at least breathing. she was of course. but when she did finally get up, she was very lethargic , and short tempered with the other animals-- which she usually takes a lot of crap from. especially sushi. stupid sushi will jump in her face and nip at her all day long and she just shakes it off.... but she got pissed ... for a couple days.. she would bark mean at her, and let her know, she did not wanna be touched. and she slept... alot. and her eye was hanging. where you could see the red part. it's really sad to see her that way. she does look better as far as her eye goes. but she is still lethargic and sleepy. and clingy. she wants to be near me. that really is nothing new. she always wants to be by me anyhow. but like a sick kid ya know? just clingy-er. so, we are worried. soulkid knows, and hubby asked if i thought she would make it much longer, and i said, no, not this time. i don't know if it will be weeks, or months.. but at this point, it just isn't fair. it really hasn't been for many many months. it will be hard to let her go. and i don't know if it will be natural or not-- i really hope it could be. for all our sake... but either way. it will be like losing a part of our family. she's been with us since soulkid was two. maybe even younger. hell i dont know. but at least, eleven years. now that i think about it... it has been longer than that. anyhow. long time. i have never in my life had an animal this long. we have had the cats their whole life-- but i literally have no idea how damn old they are. isn't that stupid? i really cannot keep track of time. someone asked me how long i have been sober THIS go round.... i said, oh maybe four or five years... i realized-- for whatever reason.. i think by looking at some med records.. it has been over seven years... it's like i just wander through life and time just doesn't mean anything. each day just runs into the next.... it is pretty strange. like fishing yesterday...for some reason, i think.. hmmmm i posted that i hadn't fished in over four months... then i remembered that we had taken Jamie and her H there in October... so even if that was the last time i fished..which it could have been , hell if i know-- but it has not been four months. WTH?
i just cannot seem to get it together. but i sure do try ya know it? i really do.
i busted ass in my house yesterday btw. got my floors all swept up and the new rugs laid out etc. washed my blasted dishes. y'all know i HATE to wash the friggin dishes.
got some crap that was still not unpacked out of my damn way in the kitchen..and put up. or boxed for goodwill. etc. i was proud of the place yesterday. and i still had time to fish..i only fished about half an hour..did good for a short time eh?
then i got home, cleaned myself up... then i posted, and started dinner... etc.
that's when the damn cable/internet guy showed up. OMG... he was here til , had to be after 7..and STILL didn't have internet workin. he DID get the tv to work tho. by then it didnt matter. i was sooo dang tired.. i left and went to my room. they were still here at 8.. i think i was asleep by 830..and as far as i know i think they were still here. the last thing i remember was hubby tellin me the internet was still not workin and probably wouldnt be (today), but they were coming back today.. sooo i was surprised to see it connect when i got up. i gotta say i was glad it did. wth would i do at 230 a.m. without internet. ugh.

so anyhow... i guess that is my post filled with random crap for your tuesday.

oh and motha.. soulkid got scoulded cuz she is not doing well in school...yet again. WTH???
why does an intelligent kid let somethin like that happen????
i tell ya what-- if she goes to summer school THIS year-- i will NOT be driving her. she can ride the BUS. one hour a damned day and 200.00... for screwin around???? UGH.
it infuriates me.

hmmmm. ok.
inhale. exhale.
i love to smoke.
:))

happy day to all of you

that's right...not one..but .. TWO

well folks... here ya have it... my first fish of 2008... WOO HOO!

yep. i wasn't gonna let another beautifil day slip by me. so i went fishin.
this underlined crap is driving me crazy and i don't know how to make it stop! just thought i might let ya in on that.

here is fish ONE of 2008...
he hit on a rattle trap... he was bigger than he looks.
it was soooo exciting.
but wait there
s more...
LOOK at THIS one---

HE's a friggin BEAST!!!!
he was HUGE!
it was wonderful...
i felt alive again...
for a few minutes...
now i'm home in my soul-chair-


i hope y'all get a taste of something wonderful in your life today too!

monday again.. you know it's your favorite day

i have spent all the free time that i have for the morning cruisin and commenting here..and on y'alls pages. soooo i suppose i will get back with ya later on.

hope you all have great days!

hiya peeps

howdy folks...

i'm still alive.. just havin internet problems. gotta shake things up a bit ya know. dish goin out wasn't enough for us , so we ended up losin internet on saturday too. just cuz we're us ya know. things like this, and gettin evicted for no reason, or gettin caught in a damn flash flood... in the city. you know, things that kinda just don't happen.. happen to us, all the time. we are the disastrous duo, you know?

anyhow--- movin right along.... did i fish yesterday? yes, yes i did. did i catch any? no, no i did not. did i enjoy myself? yes i did. immensely so. it was so warm outside yesterday. the wind was a bit too much at times... but it was worth it to put up with a little wind to have a summer like day in the beginning of january! today is even better, but i have spent the entire day inside.. on the couch.. in my jammies. dunno why.. just kinda tired today.. or lazy...nah... tired.
but anyhow--- back to yesterday--- yep-- i went to my favorite pond.. (i will put a pic up later on..some of y'all will not believe how different those apartments they're building look now..very nice)... anyhow... i didn't even care that we didn't catch fish--oh ya, hubby went too, neither of us caught any fish... there was an egret there fishing too-- and he didn't get any fish either.... i think that made me feel better :))
we didn't stay very long, maybe an hour, and i didn't fish the whole time. i sat for a while and just watched the egret and took a few pics and just talked to soulman. it was just really nice to be outside again. it really does me no good at all to be cooped up in the house. i wasn't born for cold climates; i just cannot deal with it. i don't go out at all it seems, and before too long it begins to affect me in ways i don't realize until it gets warm again. it's hard to explain.. but somewhere back early in my blog i compared a couple pictures of when i came out of my agoraphobic cave of like five years , and began to go outside .. the difference was really drastic, in a short time.
amazing what a little sunshine and fresh air does for a person.
so anyhow, i'm rambling. probably because i know this weather isn't gonna last, and i will regret not taking advantage of this day. but that's ok i guess.

(ok.. it's later , for this part--
cuz here's the picture
you can click to enlarge)

unfortunately, i screwed up, and somehow,
THIS is the only picture that didn't
get erased. UGH.
yep, the egret pics are gone
and so are several others.
i think i shall be exchanging this camera.
i'm too technically challenged for this one.

OK>> now you can go back to you regularly scheduled readin. :))

anyhow... obviously .. hubby fixed the internet problem, but it is a slow connection. the cable people will be here tomorrow--- for the third time.... i wonder what they'll screw up next? good thing my cell is my main number. :))

welp... i'm gonna cruise awhile, hopefully hit everyone's page, and i will hopefully see y'all later, and post a pond pic , if i don't have anymore outages.

until then-
ore vuas
:))

hi folks.... anotha satahday in soul land -

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. it really is.. at least weather-wise. i don't know about you peeps, but here in the wonderful world of north texas, we're sportin a breezy 59 degrees and rising--- supposedly to 72 this afternoon. Lord, i hope so. i am so ready for some warm weather.
i kinda would like to go try to fish a bit today, it has been almost four months since i went fishing. that is kind of depressing. there has just been so much crap goin on out here , i just haven't been able to go. so anyhow. i just may give it a shot if it gets warmer, and the wind dies down a bit. i do hate fishin in the wind.

so anyhow.

i don't know about y'alls yesterday--- but mine kinda sucked ass. i was gonna post before i went to bed but it was so dang slow on here---and i was "just plum give out" by then, i just crashed. man it was a --- well just one of those days that everything went bad. well, ok, not everything. i did get a good deal on the rugs--- which are still in the trunk of my car btw. perhaps i shall have hubby bring them in. or maybe i should wait til i clean the floor. oh, but if i go fishin, i would need them out wouldnt i. hmmm. damn senile.

anyhow.
still no tv. and to top it off... i had forgotten that plasma tv's can burn a still image into the screen if it is left on for too long. well, umm.... ya. i did. i don't know why i didn't turn it off. the damn thing didn't work. but i left it on. maybe waiting to see if it would work?? hell i don't know. but it really did burn the image slightly into the screen. so learn from my mistake, and if you have a plasma tv--- don't forget to turn the damn thing off. it may be permanent--hubby says it may go away--- but with his xbox---or a dvd on, you can't see it... so luckily he noticed it and turned the damned thing off.

so--- next-- after he tried to get the tv people to come out--and neither dish nor charter would do anything.. (the original plan was to take soulkid and her friend who was here--and pick up two more friends--and take em to the mall, and we would go eat)... well... it didn't quite go down that way. in fact it went down in flames -- for a while.

while hubby was getting ready to go--after working an 11 hour day--- and coming home to no cable-- and a burned three month old tv.... ugh... need i say more? well, i will anyhow....
well... the phone rings.... soulkid has a bad habit of hanging up on telemarketers and unfamiliar numbers. she thinks the landline is HERS. and that she controls it. well. i of course thought ..crap, that coulda been one of the tv people... so i bitched at her for hangin up on em, and asked how do you know it was a telemarketer---that is not YOUR phone, that is MY phone....blah blah blah. well.... in my defense---- i had been in bad pain aaaallll day long. i did not want to go out--- i was pissed at the cable ppl, and i was upset that i broke our tv screen...altho hubby surprisingly wasnt mad at me..he knows im stupid apparently and forgave me ... :))--- but anyhow-- oh i forgot to mention that the dr did surprisingly call me back, and i had a mental breakdown on the phone... and cried... so i didnt feel real great about that either... so like i said... i shoulda just been in bed knocked out on xanax, sparing the family from any pain i could ... but noooo... i wanted to go out, and act like a real person. soooo.... the phone fiasco goes down... i bitch about her hangin up the phone--- she snaps at me and says..
"why don't YOU answer it yourself then!"
oooooohhhhhhhhh
i didn't have time to think... i only reacted, and it was not pretty.
i dropped the F bomb.. in front of her friend...
she walked away with another snide remark... and slammed her door..so hubby comes stormin out of the bedroom...
he yells about her bein disrespectful to me---and HE drops the F bomb TOO--and has the kid call her mom to be picked up, and cancels the evening altogether!
holy crap!
i sat in silence--- TRYING not to just cry like a big baby, feeling out of control of my entire world.

well the kids mom was here in just a few minutes, they live less than a mile away.
so in like ten minutes..hubby calls soulkid out, and we all have a discussion... apologies are made, cheer is spread throughout the room...and we pile up and pick up the kid who was just thrown out of our house, and the evening was reinvented.

things like this surely don't only happen at my house---do they??
tell me not.
and have a great day!

i'm sure gonna try to have a better one than yesterday

yep - it's still friday....(and more)

just thought i'd pop in again, to let y'all know that i am a tired , lazy person. just in case you haven't heard.
i did cross a few things off my list, and i did go and mail my oh so late rent---- and.... i found the deal of a lifetime when i went to staples. get this--- i went to staples to buy a calender... and i left with a calender AND FOUR area rugs! they were on clearance. for fifty bucks each. nice ones. i said holy crap, and snagged em. well not really, i asked some kid that worked there to snag em for me. so he did. but man.. now maybe i won't have to listen to friggin midnight tap dance all night in my bedroom. geesh that drives me insane. her fingernails on the wood floor. i don't know why hers is so much more annoying than sushis but it is really bad.
so anyhow...
just thought i'd share that with ya.
and i think i shall go take a nap. because i am full, and lazy, and tired, and well, because i am cold and i want to go to bed.
see y'all later... well maybe... it is friday and seems to be pretty slow in blogland today.
but i will cruise around later anyhow.

///////////////////

that was a reallllyyyyy BAD idea.
first , my tv decided to grow a mind of its own... and turn itself off... then on again. several times. and i have a very real fear of tv's catching on fire--- because i had an uncle actually die in a fire caused by a tv ... back in the 80s. he was asleep and his tv burned the whole house up--and him... maybe my aunt too-- i don't remember-- oldy might. (do you)???

so anyhow... i was just chillin and the cable people came to bury the cable line---- and take a guess what happened..... somehow they screwed up my friggin sattelite !!! i went out and told em... guess what they did... they left! yep--- it's a weekend.... we are gonna have NO tv.... all weekend. lovely. and i cannot find a local phone number for the cable company-- they were contractors anyhow. ugh.

so. guess i'll wash my dishes now.

see ya later peeps

my laptop is humming a tune i do not know

what the hell? i have some stupid anti-virus thing on here, and it is constantly updating. i do mean constantly. ok.. not constantly.. but very frequently. and it is very frustrating... irritating even. like a bad rash. i finally took out my wrath on hubby this morning.. as if it were his fault that i have some sort of obsessive compulsive virus scan on my computer. he said he would look at it later. so hopefully he can time it to do it's damned updating... when i am not updating. erg.

so anyhow. today is friday. all that means to me is a).. it is one of my buddies favorite days... and b).. the soul clan will be home for a couple days--again---already. hmmmm. i suppose that means i need to include a C now. c) since the clan will be here again, already, this means that i need to clean my sty. i have fallen behind this passed couple or four days.. just as i was beginning to brag on how well i was doing with the place. i guess i totally exhausted myself the other day clearing out my crap room, and have been pretty damn sore ever since. then yesterday i had a lot of outside errands to catch up on, and by the time i got home--- i was toast. i did nothing. i even called soulman and had him bring some mcdonalds home.

so.... i need to pay my five day late rent today... i suppose i will have to mail it overnight mail. this is our first rent payment-- and here it is late. not the only late bill going out this week. wth is wrong with me? i spent a few hours yesterday morning FINALLY sorting my bills and mail stackage. omg. i was truly in bill hell. i even had a two MONTH old water bill from my OTHER house we just moved from. i never pay my utilities late. other things i forget about or whatever... but my utilities and rent??? i think i'm just gettin altzheimers . do they have tests for that? my memory is shot. worse than ever lately. maybe it wasn't the meds. maybe i'm just really losin it.
or maybe i just don't give a damn scarlet.

but anyhow... i do have things that i need to get caught up on. so i best be runnin along. :))

hope you all have happy fridays... and happier weekends !

this soul is goin ta bed

back to real life today

well, when i went to bed last night i was thinking about how today would finally be life back to normal in soul land. school for soul kid, a normal work schedule for soulman, and back to my normal routine... whatever that may be. somehow though, i'm gettin a feeling that it isn't gonna be a quite so "normal" day. at least not if it keeps as it is going.

i woke up at like 3. which has been a normal wake up time for me many times before, but not for a while. at least not through the holidays. nothing has been "normal " through the holidays actually". but anyhow. i did wake up at like 3, but i woke up because, when we moved in here in this house, we stopped buying bottled water, because this place has a filtration system, and it actually tastes almost like bottled watered anyhow-- so when i go to bed now-- i just take a glass of ice water--- rather than the trusty ole bottle. right? well.... jitterbug.... for some reason, only jitterbug does this, spot doesn't. but jitterbug, drinks from my glass... i catch her often drinking , not only my water--- but iced tea as well. now tell me that is not strange--- does anyone else have a cat that drinks TEA????

ok, anyhow-- back to my story--- 3 a.m. i hear this... slurping, or lapping, sound, whatever ya wanna call it... it's dark in there, but i knew it was stupid jitterbug drinking my water... so i yell at her at get her away and off my table. but she comes back a couple times. she finally goes away. but then i'm too awake to go right back to sleep. so i'm trying, and i keep hearing the damn smoke alarm.. but it of course takes a minute to figure out wth it is too. ugh. but every thirty seconds or minute-- i hear... BEEP. ERG! finally, i give up. i just get the hell up. but, is it just that easy? hell no. i'm me. my laptop cord is all tangled in my phone cord, so i have to fight with that shit... then hubby wakes up wondering wth im doin. by then i'm all aggravated..so of course i ramble off ALL my complaints in a matter of seconds. poor hubby. HOW he puts up with me i will never know. i do bet he is glad that i go to bed early most nights though and leave him to relax alone in the living room. lol.
anyhow.. he tried to get me to lay back down, but i was too awake by then, so i just got up.. he has no problem going back to sleep when something like that happens.. noises, storms, whatever.. but me.. it's all over with. once i'm up--i'm up. so--guess what--- i'm up.

and-- it's 450 now-- and someone just called my daughters phone--i wonder wth it was. not sure if she answered or not, but that would piss me off if i was 13 on a school night. just so ya know.

anyhow.

that just blew my train of thought. and i need coffee anyhow.

damn..whoever is calling her just called again, now i hear her talking ..i'm gonna have to go bitch..she needs to sleep ...she goes back to school today.

ok... so anyhow... i supppose i will be back, when my brain returns.

i really need a nap

i could take one.. well, no i can't. because, i am waiting for the cable guy--and a phone call.
we still have dish.. and hubby wants to keep it---- but he wants to go back to cable for the internet. because our connection is really really slooooow. and it pisses us off. and he plays x-box live a lot, and apparently if he lags on there he gets killed--and so do other people he is playing with...so ya, that i guess is not fun for him. so, no nap for me.

and would you like to know something else? i just realized... well, that is not the right word. i was just reminded. ? that doesn't sound right either. hmmm. it has just been confirmed. hmm. could that be it? i'll go with that. anyhow. y'all know the surgery jamie just had.... right? well.. y'all also know all the pain she puts up with too right? aaaand you also know that i am a cry baby about the pain i have-- that can no where compare to hers.. altho.. i do not like it anyhow. but guess what. i just ended up on someone elses page who also just had the same surgery jamie just had but like a week or so ago.... and since she doesn't like the effects of the pain meds... she takes tylenol. for that kinda pain. tylenol is like water to me. oh man. i felt like such a cry baby when i read that. holy crap.
i'm not sayin i'm some kinda drug addict or somethin. i don't even have any real pain pills anyhow. but if i did, i'd damn sure be takin em. ya know? but what i'm tryin to say, is if i had pain like they have , there is no way in this world that i would not be taking like some massive amounts of pain meds. and neither one of them are taking hardly anything.
it's one thing to not take meds because you don't have any. it's another to not not take em, when you have em, and just don't want em. don't you think?
i don't know. maybe i'm just weird. i don't know.

anyhow. enough of that.

i have been bustin my ass all day. just in case anyone cares. i finally got my back room cleaned up. my guest room actually. it ended up being the catch all room when we moved in. it had shit everywhere. and then my kid ended up pouring bags and boxes out all over the place. it was hell in here. so i got it all cleaned up, and it is now the guest room slash office slash litter box room. looks pretty good. just needs a decor now. oh i almost forgot... i got my arm trapped under the mirror trying to put it on the dresser....good thing soulkid was here--she was asleep though--i hollered for her for about ten minutes before she finally rescued me. i'll have to put a pic up later so you will see what i mean how my arm was stuck. but she came in.. "what?--oh crap!" then she picked it up and went back to bed. it was kinda funny, but i really dont know if i coulda got out by myself. i may have been there for hours if i was here alone. LOl.
ok anyhow. i better get goin the cable guy is on his way . so i don't want to be in the middle of a sentence and have to shut down.
so i shall be around later on.
have good days.
byeeeee

day one of 2008

well, happy new year y'all. i hope everyone had a safe and happy night last night.

it's kinda hard to believe that another year is gone. sometimes i wonder if a new year, means any more than new struggles. or loss. although i always hope and wish for better than the last. it actually does happen. i just never seem to notice it until it's over again. the year i mean. y'all know i don't have a busy life. although at times, it really is busy enough for me. other times, i wish i had the strength to be active like i used to be. but well, that's neither here nor there i guess. doesn't matter anymore. i'm finally beginning to learn that everything really does happen for a reason. good or bad...or indifferent. it even seems that the indifferent or insignificant times, really turn out to be the most memorable-or important throughout the year. but of course i never realize that until i sit on the new day of a new year, and reflect. i always ... always, say the same thing... what a shitty year this has been, i'm so glad it's over, it can only get better this year--it has to right.

it never fails. whether i say it out loud or only think it... it's my every year end thought.
but ya know, it never takes long for me to realize that the year that just passed always held more good than bad. or some good came from the bad, that made it ok. or at least bearable.
there is always something to be grateful for in this life. it doesn't matter how much a person has or doesn't have. (material, or otherwise). or if they are sick or well. lonely, or too busy to keep up. it all seems to come together in the end.

i know i have done a lot of whining in this blog this passed year. it really is what i do best sometimes. but i have also laughed ... really laughed, more in 07 than any other other year since 96. that was a horrible time for me. a life changing , mind altering year. and not for the good.
but i have found so much good in this blogging year. i have made some changes in my life that i could have never done without y'all who read , and encourage me, and make me laugh...and give me a reason to try harder to be who i am meant to be. y'all have given me that.
i didn't even have a desire to get out of bed in the morning when i began this blog a year ago. i was agoraphobic and isolated in a way that no one should be. i can't believe the difference in the person who started this blog; and the person that i have become.

i didn't think i would ever care about another person ever again. i hated people, i hated talking to people, looking at people, listening to people. i hated people, and i hated me. today that hate is gone. well--- except for doctors... y'all know i still hate them..and the control that they have over me. i know if i was a dog, no doctor would have a problem putting me to sleep. much less giving me a pain pill. my dog whines when she gets up, or limps, or gets that--oh god i'm soooo tired of this look, and my heart breaks. but me? doesn't matter to them. only they matter to them. i'm trying hard to just let that go--but it's hard. it's just the way i feel. but i am me. right.

so anyhow.. i see i am rambling... and i don't really want to do that right now. so i shall stop.

but i do want to thank all of you new friends of mine that i have come here and stood by me through all my whining and bitching, and bein just plain idiotic sometimes. you have taught me how to laugh, how to enjoy people, and be interested in their lives, and who they are. again. y'all have taught me how to trust again. to just let loose and be me. you all are really the best thing that has has happened to me in 2007.

there really is no way to thank you for that. i don't think any of you know how you have impacted my life in your own individual ways. i only hope that i have made some difference in yours.

i do hope you all have the best year ever in '08. i sincerely do. i hope your health is good, your belly's full, your homes are warm, and your families are safe.

anything else is gravy--- sop it up!!!

okay.....
i promised a poem...
so here ya go---
of course my sentimental side wouldn't show itself--
so here is a bit of my 'mental side
:))

“An old lady new years eve”

It’s the morn of the new year, I woke up in pain,

The house is a mess, All the pets are insane.

I went for my coffee, yet all hopes were dashed -

the self timer broken, fresh coffee? My ass.

The final eve of ‘07 went out with a pop.

I was hoping for more but the night, a near flop.

Our small celebration, A toast with two teens-

I suppose it’s what married on new years eve means.

As middle age creeps into our small humble home,

These holiday things just seem to grow old.

Yet we struggle to stay awake, til the traditional time,

and break out the crystal , filled with cider, not wine .

We say goodbye to the old, as we welcome the new.

And promise ourselves of things we know we won’t do.

At midnight: 01, we now call it a day-

We head straight to bed, and fall asleep right away.

Whatever has happened to going out on the town -

Getting dressed up, and drinking til drowned?

Where is the dancing, and laughing with friends ,

counting backwards the seconds, as the new year comes in?

those days are gone – but I remember them well,

As I sit here and write of Souls’ new years eve tale.

wanna know somethin????

i know somethin y'all don't know. maybe. it kinda depends on which order you cruise your blogs in... but i just happen to know where jamie went this weekend! (@-everyone thinks i can fix it).

wanna know?

she and her husband came here! to my place. no, they didn't stay at my place--- that might be a little odd, to meet someone online and then stay at their house on the first meeting---- but they stayed close by.... and i will tell ya what.... her and her husband are just absolutely fantastic people!!!!

me, being such a not so face to face - social person... i was scared to death of meeting her/them. but it turned out great! we were only able to spend saturday together... but had a great day....and evening. our husbands got along great, and needless- maybe- to say- jamie and i --- geesh... we hit it off great. i can't tell you how many times we said the same thing at the same time... even one time , in response to soulman... we both gave him a silent thumbs up---at the same time! we laughed until we hurt ourselves.

i didn't mention that she was coming sooner because i was a nervous wreck as it was, and couldn't think straight enough to actually plan anything for when they got here. all i could do was clean my house, and try to compose myself to actually speak face to face with someone other than soulman and my kid. also i wasn't ready for a bunch of questions from people about what are ya gonna do.. or even worse---are you crazy or somethin...bringin people you don't "know" to your house? ya know.
so..just so ya know.. i wasn't being deceitful in my silence... it was basically self preservation.

but also... just so ya know---- jamie is as wonderful a person in "real life" as she is on her blog.
and she really put herself through hell in driving all the way here with the pain she has to endure as it is without being trapped in a car for 11 hours. her husband is a great guy for driving her out. it would have been doulbly hard on her poor body had she actually driven all the way here.

anyhow... here we are....
soul and jamie----or jamie and soul whichever you prefer.... we clean up pretty good eh?
not that we don't look as stupid as we were acting that night.. :)) we had a total blast!

just tell me ya can't make TRUE friends online. i won't beleive you.

To See Jamies Version, Go Here:
Everyone Thinks I can Fix It

oh, the places i have lived and traveled...

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

(AND... Puerto Rico, which was not, for some dumb reason not included on this map!)

NOW... on to COUNTRIES...


(ahhh , there is puerto rico...which ass hat considered P.R. a COUTRY???)

(oh, and let's not forget Diego Garcia..Twice)

create your own visited countries map

The Biker Bar...post 4 for saturday.

how i get myself into these things, i will just nevah know. but here i am, writing a story, basically on the fly. why? well, because i happened to mention a biker bar, and a couple of people thought it might be a interesting story to hear more about. so... i have been pondering how to tell this story in a creative and interesting way... but i am comin up empty... so, i figured, i will just sit here and write; until something comes together.
Y'all gotta realize... this happened like 19 years ago. and with a memory like mine, that's a long ways to go back... but i will try.

here we go......

picture it, Sicily, 1937...oh crap, wait... that was The golden Girls.

ok, picture this; San Diego, 1987. young Soul, a partyin fool back in the day. (key word "fool" here.) anyways, yes, good ole San Diego, California. A lot happened in the few years i spent there. but most of it , i shall save for other times such as this. ok. back to the biker bar:

i was a 21 year old, US NAVY gal. that alone is not that great of a combination, but add a few sun filled summer days, friends, and SOUL, into the mix... and what do ya get? a first and last trip to a san diego biker bar.

it didn't have to be a weekend for me to drink... or to drink to excess , for that matter. especially now that i was of legal drinking age. not that that had ever stopped me before, just seemed to have become more combustible, when i could get into bars without looking guilty.
so, this could have been a monday, or a friday, or a holiday , or a work day, or any day... but i was sitting at my house. it was actually a one bedroom apartment, in Imperial Beach; i lived alone. no pets, no people, just me, and i liked it that way. although, i did attempt a bird...til it bit me after it escaped from his cage. after that... i had no pets. well, until i attempted a guinea pig.... then i realized it smelled simply horrid...and i took it back to the pet store...with some made up story...that i had bought it for my nephew and he couldn't keep it. i was not home enough to have a cat or a dog at that time. so those were the extent of my pets at that time.

so ya, i lived alone, in a small apartment not far from the beach. i worked hard, i played hard, and i drank hard. so, when anyone wanted someone to go drink with...they knew where to find me.... if i wasn't at work... i was most likely home drinking. or out drinking. but if i was out drinking...i was with them, so they probably weren't looking for me.

but, this one night... feels like October, for some reason. but i don't think it was... i think that's my memory mixing two stories...with he same friend, and the same biker jacket. but i'll prolly never get that one straight. sooo... i am actually thinking it was warmer than october on this particular night. when the phone rang. there i was, kicked back with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other... i only remember this because... that was my permanent resting position while at home. well...most of the time.

so... there i am, the phone rings...i do believe that this was back in the day before cordless phones too. so i had to actually get up off me arse to get the phone. when i did so... it was my bestest friend. her name was cindy... and boy do i have some stories about her..and me..sailor sistahs. geesh. it was the best of times , it was the worst of times. ya know what? i have never read that book in my life... but i have heard that line a million times... and it describes san diego, and my friend and i to a T. but that's all for another day. or two.

so, i get up, something i didn't want to do at the time. i do remember it was sorta late, dark at least, and i already had a good buzz-on goin. but i answer the phone, and it's my pal...my bud, cindy. (sailor sistahs... that just ht me a minute ago, after all these years.... too little too late i reckon). but there she is...
she says.... hey let's go out.
i say where to?
she says to this bar i just found out about...it's a biker bar!
i say...ummm... a biker bar???? why a biker bar?
she says, cuz mark wants to go and i think it'll be cool, so come meet us.
i say... hmmmm... i don't think i want to go to a "biker bar". (you know... i was a drunken sailor...already boozin it up...me? in a biker bar? drunk? this could be trouble.)
but she himmed and i hawed... and in the end.... i ended up in freakin Coronado, in a damn biker bar.

it may have been between the two..I.B and Coronado..hell i don't know, but it wasn't very far from my house...so i got sucked in. with her himming ya know.. and seein as my hawing didn't help sway her to a more familiar , comfortable drinking establishment....there we were. leather jackets and all... checkin out this fantabulous biker bar. that actually looked like a straw roofed outdoor bar on a beach in tahiti or somethin. only with walls of course.... and a jukebox. and us. ugh boy.

so i wasn't feelin real good about going there in the first place, but it got even worse once we were there. it was like we had reached the point of no return. we were in a real live biker bar. how cool is that? the smell of leather and beer filled the room, loud music, loud men, pool tables.... and us... drinkin it up. losin our virginity to the other side. OF LIFE...NOT the bikers!!!

so, we were maybe on our second or third beer...which, actually didn't take us long to get to, so we hadn't been there for a real long time... there we were finally beginning to relax, and enjoy the place, the atmosphere etc.

ahhh hey cin this isn't sooo bad. i thought it would be a lot worse. ( i say)
she says...see i told ya.
mark, her boyfriend, by the way, chickened out, and we were there alone. just us.

cheers, my friend!

when all of the sudden....YELLIN and CRASH!!!! and people started rushing all over to one side of the bar... the side AWAY from the bar counter. everyone except two extremely drunken individuals....who, if you haven't figured it out yet... were in a bar fight. well duh... we were in a biker bar. but my fear had come true... my first thought earlier in the night when biker bar was first mentioned, was the reputation they had for fights, and knives, and that type of stuff that i was not quite acclimated to. yet there it was, and there i was, and there she was....

she thought it was the coolest thing ever...i on the other hand, just wanted to get the hell out of there... alive and without hand cuffs or gaping wounds.

still... it was like the train wreck thing.... don't wanna see it, but can't help but to watch. so we got as far away from the fight itself, where we could still see what was happening... and one guy takes a beer bottle, smashes it across the other guys face... and it broke !!! on this dudes freakin face....and it just started gushing blood everywhere. i was quite glad that it was dimly lit, because i really didn't want to see it in full lighting. but in my own juvenile way, i was disappointed that we didn't see ALL the blood. but that was about all we needed to see... that and the knife that the cut guy pulled out.... we booked on out of there.

she remained fascinated with the biker scene... i however did not. i gave her the black leather biker jacket that i had... a gift from one of those two dates, and "i love you" type things. he got kicked to the curb rather quickly if i might add. so i had no need for the jacket... no motorcycle to ride on... a nice fat muffler burn though... and...i had NO plans to ever go to a biker bar again. so i gave her the jacket. she became the biker babe wannabe.... and i learned to trust my instincts just a little more.

i have yet to return to a biker bar. btw.

if it doesn't feel right.... it aint.

the way it really happened...

so far...
a day in photos , revisited...

Soulman caught a turtle... by the FOOT!

Then he caught a bass...

Then we got hot... and moved from one pond to another..
and I got me a fishy !
and lost a bunch... but got a total of 3.

Soulman got three at this pond.
then we got way too freakin hot, and went to eat, and get some tea.


then came home.
so far... just waitin for
SoulKid to get outta school,
and chillin with the puppies.


now... i have to take my child to MALL HELL...
in DFW TRAFFIC....



when i get back... i will report in... :))

reporting in .. late...
i got home from mall hell,
chilled on the computer, ate a couple dogs,
did some cruisin, and some chattin, and then i took a coupla these
(xanax....yes prescribed)

and now i am just waiting for these...
to turn me, into , THIS:

and then, i can only hope that soulman will rescue me!

happy weekend peeps...

another daily forecast in photos

i'm thinkin i need a haircut !

and i'm thinkin one or two of these could make me do the happy dance!

and one of these wouldn't hurt either!

unfortunately, i see more of THIS