a poem... by moi ..

ok...it seems lately a lot of people have been posting their poetry on their blogs. although i have been inspired to write something new....i haven't ... yet. but, as i read my friends blogs, and see that almost every one is going through some sort of struggles lately... i was inspired to post this piece, that i wrote many years ago. i wrote it in dedication to a very good friend of mine who literally saved me from myself. in many ways. although i have lost touch with her... i still think of her often, and sometimes wonder... what if our paths didn't cross when they did. and that makes me think of something Josie said.. not verbatum...cuz i can't remember much.... but it was a post about people who stay for a season, or a lifetime, etc... you'll have to go find it to see it...it's really a good post...put up within the last few days i think.

but anyhow.....

i chose this particular poem...written in early 1991 ... because, my friends who come to my blog and say such wonderful things, have literally changed my life these passed few months. i was on the way down real fast. y'all pulled me out of the storm... and i thank all of you. i hope i make y'all smile as much as you do me.

so anyhow... without further ado ... (i have never said that! how funny).. here ya go..

(to my friends that live in the computer!)

Raging Seas

We once were total strangers,
Neither of us cared.
But then we gave some effort,
We talked, we helped, we shared.

I was so weak, alone, afraid,
You were so strong and brave.
you picked me up, and set me straight,
this, in my heart I’ll save.

I learned from you to carry on,
And take life as it comes.
Not to forget, but put away
The pain of what’s been done.

Today, I’m not afraid or weak,
And this, I owe to you.
Your friendly smiles and late night talks,
Have really helped me through.

Against the rocks, on stormy seas,
I constantly was tossed.
But through you I found inside myself,
A strength I’d thought was lost.

So now, this sea of life I sail.
Moves swift and with a peace.
Because you gave so freely,
My raging storm has ceased.

i'm STILL up but technically it's thursday. *SIGH*

close your eyes, and shut out all the noise that you can hear. ok, are you relaxed? now... think of every cuss word you know and shout them as loud and as fast in succession as you possibly can. there. feel better? neither do i. but that is what i feel like doing at the moment, but since hubby is asleep...i can't do that. so, i am blogging. sorta. if ya want to call it that. i'm really just tryig to bore myself to sleep. but, i am in fact, most likely boring YOU to sleep. sorry.
so, anyhow... i found this little thing in yankees page, thought i'd give it a shot and hijack it. i do think it's a little low... but it didn't offer any middle ground answers , like sometimes, or once in a while, etc. so i think that made a difference.....anyhow...here ya go.... this is why i will have a head ache tomorrow... booo hooo.

I am 75% Addicted to Coffee

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

Humpday part Five

Blog much? ummm, sometimes.

ok. well, here i am. again. the plan was to put up some photos of diego garcia after i ate dinner. well, that just aint gonna happen tonight. i am too tired to dig out the pics, scan them, upload them, post them, explain them etc etc etc. it exhausts me to even think about it right now.

i will try to get to it tomorrow, just not sure when it will be. because... i have to have an abdominal ultrasound done in the morning. i might have time to do it before i go though, but i'm not sure.

anyhow, that is part one of the doctor update... i have an abdominal ultrasound tomorrow.
then next tuesday i have the upper GI.. the scope in the belly thing.

ya know... i thank God that we have insurance... i really do. but i just can't help but to bitch right now about all the money this shit still ends up costing us. hell, y'all know me..or most of you do... i feel guilty enough to go get a twenty dollar haircut. so what do i do? i wait until i go mental before i spend the money on a haircut. this medical stuff is gonna kill me before it heals me. just in the last three days... on me alone... i have shelled out over 250.00 to doctors and meds. 162.00 of that was TODAY alone. not counting the rx he gave me that i haven't dropped off yet. and tuesday... i have to give the hospital an unknown amount of money. how crazy is that? i agreed to this, and they didn't even know how much i would have to pay! but they got their share. shit. shit shit shit shit shit! BUT... i have to have it done. this could be serious. most people wait two or three months between a consult and the actual scope...and i'm getting in there in five days. and the ultrasound in ONE day?? i've never seen a doctor move so fast. and i have seen MANY doctors. but..... what am i worrying about... oh crap...i have a bleed...they're rushing me into all these tests...oh crap. NOooooo.... i'm worrying about and pissed off about money.
are my priorities screwed up? am i screwed up? am i just overtired? am i just a bitch?
i don't know what to do. i do know that i can't have my coffee in the morning... nothing to eat or drink after midnight. the appt is at 9. i know i will get an awful headache. i never eat in the morning anyhow, but it kills me to not have coffee. and the same goes for tuesday...that appt is at 9 too. UGH> PLUS... i am not supposed to take ANY asperin etc between now and Tuesday! i will be crippled by tuesday without something for pain! WTF!

so anyhow...
i'm just a bit pissed off at the moment...and very tired...and i started a lot but finished little today...so i am in bed..yes i do know how early it is, but i slept like hell last night, and am hoping to make up for it tonight...
so...i shall cruise some blogs...and then i shall ... hopefully sleep.

well, i've made my rounds and it looks like everyone is done for now

SO.... i reckon i shall get a move on myself.
and what exactly is on my agenda for the day?
hmmm... lots actually.... i need to finish my kitchen. i cleaned it yesterday, but didn't wash the big stuff..pans etc. whatever didn't fit in the dishwasher still awaits me..plus dinner dishes. yippee. my most favorite thing. NOT
also..laundry. and lots of it. another of my favorites. suuure.
then, my bedroom. i bought a new comforter set for my bed..but my room looks like hell, and i need to change the sheets etc...before i can put my new bed set on it. so i gotta do all that. hmmm... i have a gastro appointment at 230. i need to go to my PO box..haven't been there in way too long it seems. i probably have late bills sittin in there.
ummmm.... we get paid..well..hubby gets paid..friday...so i need to work on my budget, and see if we will have any money left over. i'm hoping for a hair cut, and we want to go see harry potter.... plus, i have all these damn dr bills to pay.. i post dated the check for the last one, and i'm hoping to do the same for todays appt. HOW do i get into these messes? well...perhaps giving my kid 80 bucks the other day had something to do with it this time. grr. i'm too kind. (all mothers to the back of the line).
ok what else do i have to do today...oh... i have to go to auto zone to have my codes read out... my check engine light came on yesterday. and of course i am fearing the worst...due to it getting wet in the flood last week. UGH. i'm just hoping it's an 02 sensor. hubby can change that himself. if my engine is damaged from the water...i'm screwed.
ok...anything else? i'm sure there is, but just thinking of it is making me tired.
guess i'll go start with my laundry and my bedroom. then the wonderful dishes. gag me. then i'll go from there. i reckon.

have good days
i shall return.

another insomnia attacK!!!!!!!!!!

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

photo post

and don't dog out my teeth...they cost a lot of money! LOL

By George I think I've Got IT!!!

ok y'all... i am sorry to make everyone suffer just because of two of ya trying to be funny and tease me. but i told them i would get them back...with a vengeance. and ... here it is:

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be sun!

Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!

When I'm stuck a day
That's gray,
And lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And Grin,
And Say,
Oh!

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
'Til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya Tomorrow!
You're always
A day
A way!

ok my blogger friends.. i have been cold busted!

you are probably wondering what in the world did such an innocent gal such as myself do, that would get me into trouble... right? well.... surely , y'all couldn't have missed the "rain fairy" that i hijacked from JLEE. right? OR, the "cleaning fairies". How could you? You would surely be BLIND , or just not come around very often, or at all if you missed these photos. EVEN my HUSBAND happened upon them!!!! yep. THAT is the "cold busted " part that i speak of. LOL

hubby is actually a pretty cool guy. he knows i'm just havin fun. BUT i am noticing a little jealous streak appearing. like the other day, when i posted ALL FIVE cleaning fairies on ONE post. he became awful quiet that day. and today.... well... :)... i just got home a while ago from errands, and a dr appointment... and while reading my comment section... below the rain fairy post... i notice that my dear dear husband happened to leave a comment of his own. LOL. it would be the one that states he will be seeking his angel collection...or something like that. (by the way ... 143 ... stands for "i love you") PHEW.. at least he still loves me huh.

so... first i will begin with the meaning of "his angel collection...

once upon a time... many years ago... he began an angel collection for me. it started with a single "roman seraphim angel" sort of ceramic or resin or whatever. that same year, we bought one for my sis, and one for my mom in law. since then i have received several over the years on special occasions. usually a birthday or christmas etc. mom in law continued collecting as well, but sis did not.

well anyhow.... about three years into this "tradition"... Victorias Secret.. you know.. the underwear (i only used that word cuz i can't spell the proper sexy "L" word for it) ..... well they came out with a line of bras, and panties that they called the "Angel Collection"... or Angel Line"... well, there we were... at his mothers' house no less... in front of his mom and dad, me and one of his brothers and our daughter who was like four...and this commercial comes on TV. of course it shows all these half naked very pretty ..of course... "L" word models in their new Victorias secret Angel line of "L"... and hubby just blurts out...

"There's MY Angel Collection" !!!!

it was just too funny to be mad. everybody laughed. cuz everyone knew of mom in law and my angel collections. it was just funny. and it still comes up on occasion. haha.. the angel collection! geesh people! LOL
so anyhow... to be fair to my wonderful husband... and to any of my male readers

I Bring You.... Hubbys Angel Collection:

i just couldn't resist any longer... i hijacked this from JLEE

at least someone can enjoy the rain!

well alrighttee then:

Morning folks.

I got a request from josie recently..well, very recently…like yesterday. To write a blog post about the friends and/or connections that we make online with our blog pals. At first , I thought, ya, ok, sure. I could copy and paste it and be done with it. Then I realized…there is a lot more to it than that.

I obviously didn’t get around to posting it yesterday… I was busy, and tired, and ehem…fishing. But, I was also … thinking. Yes, I know. That is a dangerous place for me, but sometimes, it’s just necessary. Unfortunately. I began to wonder… am I really ready to make myself THAT vulnerable on here? I mean, when I wrote my comment on jamies’ post… it was one of those, free mind moments… what I wrote just came out…and once it was out… I let it stay there. It was in a comment section…where few people actually dare to go on many blogs…unless they actually have something to say…or perhaps, if they are blog stalking…and even then…do they really read ALL the comments? I’m guessing not. So I did what some call “freewriting”…and just wrote what flowed from brain to fingertips. It’s all true, and took little thought…although I was careful as to how I worded it. I didn’t want to make myself TOO vulnerable…open for hurt or rejection…but I wrote was I was feeling.

And that was the fact that I have met, many..well..all actually…except oldy, cuz she is my sis…I’ve met these people on accident. Just blog surfing…liking something someone says..going back for more…then leaving comments, that have led them to my page…ultimately… many have turned into what I believe to be genuine friendships.

Before I started this blog thing… I was a strict recluse. My own daughter called me a hermit! My isolation from the world, actually affected my whole family. Aside from that… I had so little outside the family communication…my brain, heart, and self esteem…became stagnant over the years. My family members , and a mother of my daughters long time friend became the only outside stimuli… other than tv…. That I had in my life….for over ten years! I had zero trust for people outside the family…and honestly…not a whole lot for them either. My expectations of the world was heartbreak. If I let them in, they would hurt me. So, I didn’t let anyone in…and those who were in… I pushed outside the box… letting them in when I needed to…pushing them out when I needed to. I must say… it’s been a rough eleven years.

So anyways… for josie… here I am opening myself up…and putting my feelings here, for all to see.

I just hope all of you who have been so good to me these passed several months…some even less… realize that you have really made me a better person. A happier person. A more positive person. And I gotta say…. That means the world to me.

You all have helped me heal the mange that has rotted my soul for so many lonely years. And I want to thank you for letting me feel comfortable in calling you all “friends”.

When I started this blog…. The end of January… it was a lonely negative place to store my negative thoughts and feelings… maybe so they would find another place to corrode, other than my soul. A place to feed my alter ego “soulmange”. And her i am… six months later… thanks to EE for the name…. but she found it in these pages as she watched me change because of y’all. And HER of course! But here I am… soul survivor.

Like they say… “no “man” is an island”. So true. No one can get through this life on their own. No matter how hard they try. Oh, they CAN… but they will not be happy, or fulfilled in any way, living on that island of self absorption alone. No matter what or how much they do for others. If the “others” are family… it only opens the door to resentment.

Thanks my friends…for sending me the rescue boat when I needed it , to get off the island of self destruction!

OKAY… now you can read my motivation for this post… aside from the obvious nudge from josie!

Below, is an excerpt from Jamies post, on “everyone thinks I can fix it…”

(Friday July 6-07)

It's funny what this blog has done for me---I feel like I have gotten to know so many people that I would never have had the opportunity to meet, if it weren't for this. Those that I actually know in real life rarely, if ever, bother to read what i have to say, and so many of you come by here to see how I am, it is truly surprising. It is also surprising that what I do have to say is anything but truly boring, mundane, normal life crap. And yet, I follow so many others, that have the same mundane, day to day things. Maybe we are all looking to see if our own lives are like everyone else's? Maybe we are looking to see that they aren't? I really don't know. But I find myself wondering how my blogging friends days are going, and if something is going on in their lives, I wonder how that is turning out....it's just funny. I am NOT a social person in my real life. I have told all of you that I have little time or use for most people, and that comes from so many turning out NOT to be what I thought they were. What I am trying to say is thank you. You each give me a new perspective on everything, something to think about, and always, always a smile or laugh. And that is wonderful. :)

(BELOW are excerpts from the comment section of this post)

SOUL: said...

it's funny you would mention the blogger pals we find out there in cyber space... vs the real world "people". i feel so much the same way. in fact, i think on page one of my blog i in fact stated... walk with me, or away from me, i don't care.
trust issues much? hell yes! i haven't had a real life friend... in the true sense of the word... in years. like you said... they just don't turn out like you think they will. perhaps that is why we aren't supposed to place expectations on people...we are all only human of course. but i will admit, my expectations are LOW.
i expect... loyalty... time, understanding... just that type of stuff. i don't want much from people. honesty. of course. and shit... if ya don't know what to say... just tell me that... don;t ignore me in a time of crises... don't make me feel I"VE done or said something out of line...when it's YOU who are in a situation you can't handle. (not yOU) you know what i mean.
but really. the times that have ran me into my mole hole, and away from people and the desire to befriend them... were times of terrible heartbreak, and emotional need. all i needed was a friend to just be their, and be willing. but when my babies died.. eight years apart... several different sets of friends and circumstances... they ALL scattered like roaches. friendships that i thought would last forever ended when i needed my friends the most. when i lost my second son in 1996... that was it... my wall, had never been taller, or stronger. i never let anyone else all the way in. walk with me or walk away.
online friends are safer. i will admit... i am growing pretty close to a few of you, and i think you know who you are. and it scares the crap out of me. i may never even meet y'all in real life.. but it's scary to care about people again. and to see that they (y'all) actually do seem to care what happens to me every day when i see that you've come to or commented on my blog.
but always... it makes me smile, and it it gives me reason to smile, and to think, and to care about others.
before the blog thing.. for years... my entire world was my family and my animals... and the fear of "God what if something happens to "someone else". very depressing. very depressed, and very resentful.
thanks Jamie for reminding me... that i can still be a friend...and have friends... and care about people. and share my life and theirs...and i don't have to live in my shell of hell.
it means a lot to me to see that you come see me when you're barely awake each morning...and you always have something nice, understanding, or funny to say. and more so, that i care what you go through each day... your laughter, your pain, your struggles, and fears, etc.
that goes for all my blog pals.
i have a genuine concern about them, their families, lives, everything. and it really gets me out of myself.
and just look what it's done for me.. soulmange to soul survivor... just by getting involved in other peoples lives. it's very difficult to spend ten or eleven years in your own mind and unhealthy body...afraid of new people, or sharing your experiences with them.
so i'm with ya here.... thanks to those out there... who are honest enough to put their lives on these pages... and communicate with the rest of us, who put ours out there too.
did that crap make a bit of sense? i hope so cuz i don't have the patience to read it again.
maybe i shoulda just said ditto to yankee?
sometimes i just can't SHUT UP!
do they have a name for that?

have a great/ feel good day jamie

7:10 AM

simonsays said...

Soul, you are such a sweetheart, and a truly good friend to me, I know EXACTLY what you are saying---and I love you for it. Have a wonderful day!

jyankee-you are so right, and you always bring a new perspective to me, too!

8:17 AM

soooooooooooooo...there ya have it. jamie has a lot more in that comment section from others, and how online friendships have changed their lonely isolated lives into a whole lot more...go have a look.

it's 130 in the damn morning

i should be asleep, but am i? obviously NOT.
we got the pay per view UFC fight earlier... it was like 9 or 10 pm...and i was falling asleep in the first fight. so, what do i do? well, i don't wanna be a "party pooper"...so i get up and have coffee...three cups to be exact. well, it got me through the fight, that's for sure... now, hubby is sound asleep...even all four animals are sleeping. me? even after my meds... wide awake. and to make it worse... i'm almost out of cigs. what a bunch a crap.
i can already tell you how this will play out. wanna hear? ok. well.. my best prediction is:
i am gonna sit her and read and write crap, for maybe an hour or so. i'll smoke all except one or to cigarettes...just so i won't wake up and not have a couple to have with my coffee before i am forced to go get some more.....at, oh, say 6 a.m ! then i'll get back with my cigs, and continue to smoke, coffee and blog...then i'll go over my banks etc...to see if the money fairy deposited anything i wasn't expecting :)) then i will perhaps do some chores. i assume i will either a) talk hubby into helping me get started on converting our junk room into the guest room...or b)go fishing....until it's time to pick up the kid. OR if we do work on the room and not fish...i may go get some much needed groceries, and come back and nap until it's time to go get the child.
i sure bet you all wish you were me, don't you? i mean, i have such an exciting life, do i not?


OH CRAP... guess what i forgot to tell y'all. it aint good. remember the flood we got trapped in the other day...the 4th? when the car got stalled out in the water? well....the following day i had to wait for the laptop guy to come fix my computer, and ended up not going anywhere in my car. then the next day...yesterday.....me and hubby went and ran some errands...oh one of them included getting a refund on the RAM i thought i wouldn't be able to return, so that was good...but...the bad part//// i realized as we were getting in the car...it DID get wet INSIDE!!! ACK! and black mold had already begun to grow on one of the lower door panels! the entire car smelled horrible! we took it to a car wash and vacuumed as much water out of the floor as we could, but it was still wet and stinky. as for today... again, i haven't been in it, so i'm not sure how bad or good it is. i may end up having to replace my entire carpet in there! can you say "can't have nuthin"?
*note to self...check car tomorrow!

oh, Lord...hubby is snoring in my ear! why does he feel the need to face me when he sleeps? i think i need to get a more comfortable couch. i already can't sleep...now, i'll never get to sleep. ahhh...perhaps i shall go sleep in my daughters room. nah. anyone have a cotton ball or two?

ok. i've obviously run out of stuff to say. so i guess i'll find a boring info-mercial, or maybe church? on tv. anything to help me get sleepy. whatever happened to dragnet? i used to always be able to go to sleep with that on.

anyhow... g'nite

catch o' the day

ok...hubby got a couple bigger ones... and so what if he got more than me???


go ahead an tell me....
that this isn't the cutest little bass of all! and isn't it the guys who say... "size don't matter'?
SO THERE ! HA!

:)) i'm just playin. i did get one or two more but they were small too, just not as small. and hubby got a few more, not as small, but no bigger than the one he's holding up there either. but we had fun. til about the last hour or so. it got dammn hot today! we fished from maybe 530 or 6 to maybe noonish sorta kinda.

all i know, i am half asleep right now. man i'm tired. gonna attempt to make my rounds, but i don't know if i'll get very far this time. i need to go to sleep. i am expecting the kid to call any second for us ..more likely, ME, to go pick her up from her friends' house. oh man, i don't want to move!

ok..c ya

i wish i could hear one of his dumb jokes today

well, i think i figured out why i'm so friggin lazy today. my brother has been on my mind a lot all day today. more so than other years. or so it seems. not sure why, it's just been that way. i even talked a bit to hubby about him, even cracked a few jokes. you see, today is my brothers birthday. but he isn't here to celebrate it. he died in '95. he would be 47 years old today. i bet he would be celebrating his birthday in arkansas with my sister and her boys , and other friends and family this year.
my sisters boys birthdays are all three in june and july, and this year they are all having one big party out there. i bet our brother michael would be included, and he would love every minute of it.
weird how stuff like this sneaks up on me sometimes. some years i won't even think of someone who has died, a family member or a friend...then another year, they may be on my mind for a week. this time, i have had my brother on my mind off and on all day. but not really in a sad way, at all. just some of the wild thing he would do. some of the actual stupid things he would do. some of his "wonderful" girlfriends. :))... that i would have to run off... for his, and our safety. ya that was always fun. :))
he taught me how to play chess.... he also taught me how to rescue someone in convulsions... on the fly. yes including him.

in fact, one time, i was in a chinese restaurant with a friend.. years before my brother died... but i just heard "that noise" ya know? then i hear dishes fall. i hesitated, then looked across the room...sure enough, there's this guy, maybe in his mid twenties, going into convulsions in his booth, his girlfriend there looking helpless... the waiter/owner, a asian man... running back and forth frantically... "oh! he chokee! he chokee!" waving a white rag around. finally, i couldn't take it anymore. i was hoping someone else would help the guy, but obviously noone else knew what was happening...they thought the guy was choking! sooo... i got up, and went over, and got the guy out of his booth and onto the floor and laid him on his side, checked his mouth/airway...and just let him ride it out. all the while.. the chinese guy is running around..oh! He Chokee, He Chokee! man, it was funny. of course not the seizure...but the chinese guy. the guy was fine after a few minutes. he was a little dazed when he woke up, his girlfriend was a little scared, but they were both fine. the restaurant called a ambulance...which really wasn't needed but they took him off anyhow. but i think the owner was more scared than anyone there that day.
so anyhow.. ya. i still can't hear anyone .. seizure , yawn, stretch...whatever...any kind of weird noise like that, "pre-convulsion" sound.. it's kinda like PTSD. it always makes me look for my brother..or someone going into convulsions. it's heart stopping. that's how my brother died. but he was asleep. i'm sure he didn't suffer at all. and he was alone, so no one really had to actually see it happpen. i was in a different state. he was living with my mom, his daughter who was 9, and our grown male cousin...who found him that morning.
i think all his life we all expected that that would be the way that he would die. it really wasn't even a shock even though it was sudden and unexpected. he was having so many seizures by that time.

but anyways. ya. happy birthday to my brother. he always found a reason to smile... and a way to make others smile. here is my brother...

I bring you the "Cleaning Fairies" ....

okaaayyy, so we didn't make it to the movies...

could i have cursed myself with my tuesday torment title?
y'all would not believe what we just went through. well, as i said, we were on our way to the movies... hmmm... a funny thing happened on the way to the dollar theater. we got caught in TORRENTIAL rain AND flooding. by the time we decided to turn around and come home... it was too late.... flooding, traffic closed roads, and.. my daughter had never been in a flood like this before, so she was all terrified , ... we tried to calm her...because, we knew even through detours etc, that we would be ok. but she wanted no part of our consolation. she was really scared.
ESPECIALLY... when we went through some too deep water... and the car stalled ! luckily some guys were standing on the street... watching giant trash cans float by etc...well, they pushed us out.. but my stupid car took about 20 minutes to start up again., another car... STUPID people amaze me... even with us, sitting there "dead in the water"... tried to go through the same water...and stalled. the same guys pushed them out too...but their car..started in like three minutes and they were gone.... that's about when my girl started crying. not fun. she's fine now though, and we're home. but it was quite the little adventure.
so anyhow.. ya ...if i woulda known the entire town would flood in ten minutes, we would have stayed home and not tried to go to the movies. it's been raining for a friggen month... . i'm sick of it already.
first it ruins the fishing, and now we can't even go to the damn movie. erg.
ok... now, i have to go and cook dinner. no tellin when i'll get another turn online to "talk" to people.
anyhow... i shall return.. sometime between ummm.... i have no idea...it may be 5 or 6 in the morning. earlier if i demand some real time on here....i'm tired of posting and commenting without even a chance to proofread or anything., erg. i gotta go.

Tuesday Torment !

not such a bad day really, just sounded like a catchy title.
hello to my new visitors !

sorry i haven't been online much, but y'all know about the laptop torture, and with three computer junkies, now sharing ONE computer... well... as my sis said once
ALL MOTHERS GO TO THE BACK OF THE LINE ! i rarely get my time on here...unless it's like 5 a.m. and the rest of them are still sleeping.

so anyhow. this rain is gonna wash us away if it doesn't stop! it just showed the map thing on the news... there is rain EVERYWHERE! ERG!

but./.. we did manage to get in some fishing time earlier today. we left about 630 or 7 , and fished til it began to look like rain...and we could feel the mist in the air, and could actually see it pouring down off in the distance. so we decided to get off the lake before it got to us.; (the storm). we got caught in a really bad on in kansas on the lake once...it came in hard and fast, and it was bad. so now, we try to get off the water as soon as we can if the weather looks bad.

so, right after we got the boat loaded on the truck, the rain came. perfect timing ! but sadly, no fish. hubby got two small bass.... we weighed one of em... just to test the new scales out... he was a whopping 10 OZ. ! he was so cute though.
but ya all this rain, flooding, and heat on top of that.. the fish don't want to bite. and it makes me angry. i just can't believe all this friggin rain.

ok, so, we got home, got all the rods and tackle etc put up, and as soon as we came in i had to cook lunch. i knew if i sat down i wouldn't so i just cooked right away. i was starving...so was everyone else. i made chicken sandwiches and fries...and i tell ya , it beat the hell out of any fast food joint we woulda dropped 25 bucks at.

and after lunch i tried, very hard to take a nap...but didn't really get any sleep. my little dog attacked me, then my daughter came in and turned the tv way up... by the time i got the two of them out of my room, i just couldn't sleep. plus i got heartburn...then later, a headache. finally i gave up, and "i'm up now"

now we are about to go to the movies. we're going to the dollar theater to see Disturbia. i really want to see that, and we just found out it's over there. plus.,.. tuesdays are only 50 cents a ticket !! i only wish they had more comfortable seats there. i've been there a few times, but it's been a while... and it leaves MUCH to be desired. but .. we need to get the girl out of the house, so that's what we;re gonna do.

as for any comments i owe people... it will have to be later... cuz the movie starts at 5... it's almost 430... and rainin like a beeotch outside. for some reason, people forget how to drive in the rain here... it makes for hellish travels. luckily it's not very far from here.

ok... there.. i'm caught up....
i'm not a "posting slacker" anymore! just computer deprived. :))

CH-CH-CH- CHANGES

happy saturday y'all.
well, actually, how happy can ya be at 5 a.m on a saturday? but i'm not doin too awful bad, really. hope you aren't either. but tell me, why is it always a day i don't "have" to get up early, that i DO. erg.

ok. apparently, i have been ordered...again, in a polite way... if being called a "posting slacker " is polite... it is... to update. it's nice to missed! even though i have been keeping up in the comment section of my below post. unlike some other people i know. ehem! BUT... others have done real well. AND have assisted me in finding a new.. yes ANOTHER.. new name for my blog.
soon, it shall be called

"SOUL SURVIVOR"

i can only hope that there isn't one already out there. that would pretty much suck . so don't stop yet with the suggestions, etc on the below post...
and also...if you haven't seen them all yet... read the comments... there are some great funny ones. especially OLDYS!

( Obviously... i have already changed the title, and my screen name...but still, if you haven't read all the suggestions and comments on the name change post below , you should...good humor to be found there!)


alrighty then....movin on to the "update':

oh... i could start with... yesterday..was the LAST day of summer school ! woo hoo! the kid made consistent +90's each week on her progress reports !!!! and swears, it will never happen again. she obviously hated it, but she did work hard, and it gave her a reason to get out of bed...so it was good. but, now that it's over... what am i gonna do with her? she must get some motivation goin. good gosh. i need a cattle prod !

ok, next... yesterday, we also had quite a break in the rain...of course we had a little early... and a lot in late afternoon and evening... but in between... we took the boat out and went fishing. seize the day, ya know! the "new" truck pulled beautifully! yippee ! although.... it was miserably HOT and HUMID out there. we fished for hours, and apparently over an hour longer than we should have. we were both sickly hot by the time we left. the fish weren't very active either. hubby got like four, but only one good one. maybe a bit over two pounds or so. the others were quite small. he got one baby spotted bass, that was soooo adorable, he succumbed to a photo! he's such a good sport!

DAMN.. it looks even SMALLER with HIM holding it! (do you like his new haircut? )



as for me... i didn't catch a single fish. not even a baby. i was very disappointed. but ya know, i have NEVER, in like six years had much luck on that particular lake. hubby does pretty good there...but i never have! not sure why. my luck is at the creek. i have never done as well as i do at that creek! but... the flooding has really turned the fish off there. i don't know when the fishing will get good there again. i had some good fishing luck in kansas...i got some real nice ones there... but i would NEVER live there again.

ok...anyhow... ya, i didn't catch anything but a sunburn yesterday. hubby got burnt too. but at least he got fish! so... i finally had sort of quit fishing for a while..i sat down..and just watched maybe for half hour, then finally told him, i am really getting heat sick here. he said, why didn't you say something? i said, i didn't wanna ruin your fun. he said MY fun?! he had also been miserable for over an hour. LOL... always thinking of the other. i told him...we need to stop being so considerate out here...if you ever got sick out here, i would NEVER find our way back to the ramp! he only laughed at me... but i was damned serious! i can't find my way places in my car! how the hell am i supposed to find the freakin boat ramp if he's passed out or something???? so... we decided we'd better get a flair gun! LOL.
so anyhow, we didn't waste anymore time to get goin. we were miserable. i splashed lake water on my face, and soaked my hat in the water to cool off some. it felt good for a while...but it didn't smell too good.
then we get to the ramp... and what happens..it starts pouring rain. we got out of there just in time! phew.

ok.. fast forward. we get home. we come inside to cool off, relax , recover, talk to the girl etc... ordered pizza..oh yum, y'all know how much i love pizza. NOT. so, after we eat... we go to unload and get the boat off the street and into the driveway. that shouldn't be a problem right? at the time, it had stopped raining. BUT... wouldn't ya know it... (family curse comes into play here)...
we get out there... i guide hubby in as he backs the boat into the driveway... no problemo there. BUT.... he goes to unlock the "brand new trailer lock"... and what happens? not only does the sky open up... and lightening begins to go off like a firework show... of course with very loud and close thunder! he CANNOT find the keys...to the brand new lock. the 8.00 lock he bought at the store with the hitch ball THAT morning! so there i am... sitting in the truck... half way into traffic.. not heavy traffic...it's a residential street, but a lot of cars do go down once in a while. so, i'm sittin there IN the truck, in the pouring rain and lightning... just waiting to get hit by a damn car! we are only the second house from the corner... it wouldn't be so hard for a car to not be focussed on a situation like that in time. we had already looked EVERYWHERE for the keys...NOWHERE to be found. so i look in the mirror... and hubby is in the garage... LAUGHING at me! UGH. i sat there another five or ten minutes, and decided after about three or four cars drove by... fearing for my safety and theirs... i got out of the truck into the POURING rain....and lightning.... and i weren't none too happy about any of this. if he wasn't laughing, i may have handled it better. but i went crazy lady on him. and told him...that i was NOT gonna sit in the middle of the street anymore just to be hit by a f'n car, while he stood there laughing at me!
i shoulda kept my mouth shut... because after that... he stopped laughing alright. :((
and told me he wasn't gonna go out there and get struck by lightning to cut the lock off !
understandable. but that isn't what i expected either. i told him... just park the rig back onto the street til it stops raining! your gonna cause a wreck like this! so we end up in an argument over all this crap. we're both sunburnt, exhausted, wet, cold, and now trying to figure out how to cut a damn NEW lock off the boat trailer. how friggin fun. so, you can just imagine...
anyhow... the keys never did get found... he did manage to cut the lock...and we did, eventually stop bitching about who had the worst end of that deal. me afraid of being hit by a car...or him afraid of being struck by lightning...both in a storm, wet, tired, sunburnt, and angry over lost keys, and a new lock! UGH.
yep... that was a great way to spend an hour of my life!
but, as usual, we got over it, and i'm sure we will live to see tomorrow. we really are pretty child like when we argue. i wish i could see it from the outside looking in. LOL. but in a way it's good. sometimes. sometimes i think we need a good blowout, to just let it all out... but we consider the others feelings too much, and both HATE conflict so much... it makes for a difficult way to argue. oh well. i guess we're lucky that way. to an extent.
other than all that stuff... i accomplished NADA in my pig sty ... it has been totally neglected for a week straight... other than random picking up here and there. i have soooo much to do today. and that includes wally hell. we have been getting to go food for a whole week... i hate it when we do that, but we;ve been so busy with the truck search... and behind on dishes, etc. i am at the point the past two days... i don't even have anything to cook in or eat off of. what a nightmare.

there. i think i am now caught up. although i'm sure i left something out, it will come to me later...if i A0get caught up on my crap... or B) give up on my crap.


i am in dire need of all my cleaning fairies... but josie kidnapped my dish fairie! someone go get him!!!!

The Wheel In The Sky Keeps On Turning

well, i figured i'd title this with a little song of the day for you. at least it's a good one. unlike some other bloggers i know. ehem ! :))

anyhow, it kinda goes with the wheels in my mind that are turning at the moment.
i have actually not been totally comfortable with the "new" title of my blog since i changed it a while ago. and, well, recently one of my blog buddies, has suggested... actually more than once... that i change the title to

"Heart And Soul".......

there are a couple reasons for this...

1. Queen Earlene.. refers to my mother... I, am the "finest" part.

2. people think that I am the Queen Earlene Part.. and sometimes call me that in comments etc.... which for reasons, some undisclosed on these pages as of yet... i don't enjoy...and i always correct the error as quickly as possible.

3.. and to repeat myself... it just doesn't feel right to me. it really hasn't since i made the change. maybe because she's dead... maybe because... i just don't know.

4. i'm also trying to move away from the mange part of "soulmange" ... it's still my online name i guess...but more often than not... is shortened to soul... except when i'm logged in...and DUH...it just occurred to me that i can change THAT too.

so anyhow... i am on the verge of a title change yet again... but have decided to let y'all help me this time.
below are a few ideas... to include the one suggested... now y'all just let me know which you like better.... or suggest your own... and we shall go from there...and majority shall rule.


heart and soul

my gypsy soul

ok... i've drawn a blank... throw some suggestions...or cast your vote now.

NOTE: if anybody needs a good laugh.. read the comments and see OLDY"S... i almost fell out of bed laughing ! she had like twenty suggestions... all hysterical ! (some inside jokes, but some are GREAT!) go see.

I am just a blogging fool today! # 3? for wednesday

anyhow... i, apparently have been believing a LIE, for many many years. my mother told me YEARS ago.. like when i was 13 or so.. when we were traveling , and her back went out.. i was forced to drive. talk about PRESSURE! but during her, ten minute driving lesson, with me at the wheel, for the first time, on a Utah higway, in the dark ... she did inform me of a little tid bit of apparently a myth...and not a fact! but i have beleived and passed on this info many many times over the years. this being... that driving a car barefooted is illegal.
well, i just challenged my hubby with this info, as he was leaving to take the kid to school...barefooted. he of course... informed me..that I had been misinformed.
so... me being the type i am.. i must be RIGHT... but so must HE... so we are in a little "who's right" thing. so i googled it while he was gone...
here's what i found

American States

Alabama:
Barefoot Driving: Operation of a motor vehicle by a driver with bare feet is permitted. Exception: motorcycle rider.

Ohio:
Barefoot Driving: Operation of a motor vehicle by a driver with bare feet is permitted but not recommended.

California:
Barefoot Driving: Operation of a motor vehicle by a driver with bare feet is not prohibited.

Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware,Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming:
Barefoot Driving: Operation of a motor vehicle by a driver with bare feet is permitted.

well... now i must inform him... that A) i was misinformed... or B) i am wr... wr... wrong. yukky. :((

wedding day memories

ola peeps...

yep... that would be me... very close to fifteen years ago ! july 1st 1992 to be exact. my wedding day. i actually haven't changed a whole lot , appearance wise. except, i had some pretty nice legs there eh? LOL
NOT anymore. afterall... they are 41 years old now. life is hard for us old people.

anyhow... you may be wondering why THAT picture? WHY now? well... the thing is... as i was blog traveling yesterday, i came across a "sickeningly" sweet post about a blog pals' eleventh anniversary. ( i honestly mean that in a good way!)
she mentioned her wedding day... how she was pre wedding dress clothed... in sweat pants etc. when she unexpectedly ran into her husband to be. she was embarrassed for him to see her looking like that on their wedding day... yet he told her she was beautiful. he meant it, she knew he meant it... and she knew that marrying him was right... even through the butterflies and doubt.
therefore, it brought me back to my own wedding day. i had always been so careful... or perhaps even afraid, when it came to men and long term relationships or commitment. argh... huge word. a life time? OMG. nothing in my life had been permanent by that time in my life. NOTHING ... not even my first child. GOD how would i marry someone...and stay that way? i was petrified... but at the same time... i knew that he was "the one".
so anyhow, when she mentioned how she was dressed, and how he felt, and viewed her in his eyes...no matter how she felt..or how anyone else may have felt about how she looked... she was his beautiful bride... the woman he would spend his life with. and her little story just made me think of how i was dressed, and how fun it all was, and how in love i was... and how hubby said i was beautiful.... even when i came home from working on aircraft engines, covered in grease and sweat.... he loved me...and i knew it. and here we are a week away from the big 15! holy cow.

(ps: i have made my rounds, and all my comments are updated...woo hoo!)