Morning folks.
I got a request from josie recently..well, very recently…like yesterday. To write a blog post about the friends and/or connections that we make online with our blog pals. At first , I thought, ya, ok, sure. I could copy and paste it and be done with it. Then I realized…there is a lot more to it than that.
I obviously didn’t get around to posting it yesterday… I was busy, and tired, and ehem…fishing. But, I was also … thinking. Yes, I know. That is a dangerous place for me, but sometimes, it’s just necessary. Unfortunately. I began to wonder… am I really ready to make myself THAT vulnerable on here? I mean, when I wrote my comment on jamies’ post… it was one of those, free mind moments… what I wrote just came out…and once it was out… I let it stay there. It was in a comment section…where few people actually dare to go on many blogs…unless they actually have something to say…or perhaps, if they are blog stalking…and even then…do they really read ALL the comments? I’m guessing not. So I did what some call “freewriting”…and just wrote what flowed from brain to fingertips. It’s all true, and took little thought…although I was careful as to how I worded it. I didn’t want to make myself TOO vulnerable…open for hurt or rejection…but I wrote was I was feeling.
And that was the fact that I have met, many..well..all actually…except oldy, cuz she is my sis…I’ve met these people on accident. Just blog surfing…liking something someone says..going back for more…then leaving comments, that have led them to my page…ultimately… many have turned into what I believe to be genuine friendships.
Before I started this blog thing… I was a strict recluse. My own daughter called me a hermit! My isolation from the world, actually affected my whole family. Aside from that… I had so little outside the family communication…my brain, heart, and self esteem…became stagnant over the years. My family members , and a mother of my daughters long time friend became the only outside stimuli… other than tv…. That I had in my life….for over ten years! I had zero trust for people outside the family…and honestly…not a whole lot for them either. My expectations of the world was heartbreak. If I let them in, they would hurt me. So, I didn’t let anyone in…and those who were in… I pushed outside the box… letting them in when I needed to…pushing them out when I needed to. I must say… it’s been a rough eleven years.
So anyways… for josie… here I am opening myself up…and putting my feelings here, for all to see.
I just hope all of you who have been so good to me these passed several months…some even less… realize that you have really made me a better person. A happier person. A more positive person. And I gotta say…. That means the world to me.
You all have helped me heal the mange that has rotted my soul for so many lonely years. And I want to thank you for letting me feel comfortable in calling you all “friends”.
When I started this blog…. The end of January… it was a lonely negative place to store my negative thoughts and feelings… maybe so they would find another place to corrode, other than my soul. A place to feed my alter ego “soulmange”. And her i am… six months later… thanks to EE for the name…. but she found it in these pages as she watched me change because of y’all. And HER of course! But here I am… soul survivor.
Like they say… “no “man” is an island”. So true. No one can get through this life on their own. No matter how hard they try. Oh, they CAN… but they will not be happy, or fulfilled in any way, living on that island of self absorption alone. No matter what or how much they do for others. If the “others” are family… it only opens the door to resentment.
Thanks my friends…for sending me the rescue boat when I needed it , to get off the island of self destruction!
OKAY… now you can read my motivation for this post… aside from the obvious nudge from josie!
Below, is an excerpt from Jamies post, on “everyone thinks I can fix it…”
(Friday July 6-07)
It's funny what this blog has done for me---I feel like I have gotten to know so many people that I would never have had the opportunity to meet, if it weren't for this. Those that I actually know in real life rarely, if ever, bother to read what i have to say, and so many of you come by here to see how I am, it is truly surprising. It is also surprising that what I do have to say is anything but truly boring, mundane, normal life crap. And yet, I follow so many others, that have the same mundane, day to day things. Maybe we are all looking to see if our own lives are like everyone else's? Maybe we are looking to see that they aren't? I really don't know. But I find myself wondering how my blogging friends days are going, and if something is going on in their lives, I wonder how that is turning out....it's just funny. I am NOT a social person in my real life. I have told all of you that I have little time or use for most people, and that comes from so many turning out NOT to be what I thought they were. What I am trying to say is thank you. You each give me a new perspective on everything, something to think about, and always, always a smile or laugh. And that is wonderful. :)
(BELOW are excerpts from the comment section of this post)
SOUL: said...
it's funny you would mention the blogger pals we find out there in cyber space... vs the real world "people". i feel so much the same way. in fact, i think on page one of my blog i in fact stated... walk with me, or away from me, i don't care.
trust issues much? hell yes! i haven't had a real life friend... in the true sense of the word... in years. like you said... they just don't turn out like you think they will. perhaps that is why we aren't supposed to place expectations on people...we are all only human of course. but i will admit, my expectations are LOW.
i expect... loyalty... time, understanding... just that type of stuff. i don't want much from people. honesty. of course. and shit... if ya don't know what to say... just tell me that... don;t ignore me in a time of crises... don't make me feel I"VE done or said something out of line...when it's YOU who are in a situation you can't handle. (not yOU) you know what i mean.
but really. the times that have ran me into my mole hole, and away from people and the desire to befriend them... were times of terrible heartbreak, and emotional need. all i needed was a friend to just be their, and be willing. but when my babies died.. eight years apart... several different sets of friends and circumstances... they ALL scattered like roaches. friendships that i thought would last forever ended when i needed my friends the most. when i lost my second son in 1996... that was it... my wall, had never been taller, or stronger. i never let anyone else all the way in. walk with me or walk away.
online friends are safer. i will admit... i am growing pretty close to a few of you, and i think you know who you are. and it scares the crap out of me. i may never even meet y'all in real life.. but it's scary to care about people again. and to see that they (y'all) actually do seem to care what happens to me every day when i see that you've come to or commented on my blog.
but always... it makes me smile, and it it gives me reason to smile, and to think, and to care about others.
before the blog thing.. for years... my entire world was my family and my animals... and the fear of "God what if something happens to "someone else". very depressing. very depressed, and very resentful.
thanks Jamie for reminding me... that i can still be a friend...and have friends... and care about people. and share my life and theirs...and i don't have to live in my shell of hell.
it means a lot to me to see that you come see me when you're barely awake each morning...and you always have something nice, understanding, or funny to say. and more so, that i care what you go through each day... your laughter, your pain, your struggles, and fears, etc.
that goes for all my blog pals.
i have a genuine concern about them, their families, lives, everything. and it really gets me out of myself.
and just look what it's done for me.. soulmange to soul survivor... just by getting involved in other peoples lives. it's very difficult to spend ten or eleven years in your own mind and unhealthy body...afraid of new people, or sharing your experiences with them.
so i'm with ya here.... thanks to those out there... who are honest enough to put their lives on these pages... and communicate with the rest of us, who put ours out there too.
did that crap make a bit of sense? i hope so cuz i don't have the patience to read it again.
maybe i shoulda just said ditto to yankee?
sometimes i just can't SHUT UP!
do they have a name for that?
have a great/ feel good day jamie
simonsays said...
Soul, you are such a sweetheart, and a truly good friend to me, I know EXACTLY what you are saying---and I love you for it. Have a wonderful day!
jyankee-you are so right, and you always bring a new perspective to me, too!
17 comments:
Indeed, "No man is an Island", but thru blogging friends, proves that friends don't necessarily have to be "physically" present to be a friend. Sometimes the mental support is stronger than anything physical. I've only started blogging since March (I think...)..just as a way to keep in touch with family and friends, but the people commenting on my blogs are EVERYONE but my family...so there you have it. I hope I can call all of you my blogger "buddies" too!
hiya... of course you can call me a blogging buddy...you are on MY list ya know.
:))
isn't it funny..or should i say "odd"...many people i know who blog, say their family members don't go to their blogs. that goes for mine too.
i wonder if they are afraid that they are being "talked about".
oh well... maybe you should be glad they don't come...
cuz when mine do come... they either don't say anything... say something i may read the wrong way... or perhaps it really is a snide comment... or they just don't keep the ball rolling when i try to "converse " with them. it seems that way with just about everybody.
so.... just stick with what ya got girl. you seem to have a pretty damn good following for being in blog land for such a short time.
and i agree... there really is a lot of support here...rather than "out there". i think writing is just so much easier than talking. maybe that has something to do with it? i know i struggle a lot less when i write what i want to say, than when i attempt to actually speak the words. they come out all ... well....almost like vomit. LOL they make no sense and sometimes make a situation worse. maybe i would make a good mute. then i could just write down everything i had to say!
You know what Soul? All i can say is: DITTO. You have touched a nerve....I am exactly the same, maybe for different reasons, but the same none the less. xo
Jamie...so did you... i haven't blabbed so much in quite a while.
perhaps you've got somethin with this "twisted sister" thing!
:))
i hope you have a good day!
I'm inspired and will be blogging my thoughts, this was a great post.
thanks laststand...i'll be by to see what you have to say...
btw
linking you right now! don't you feel special? :))
More so than I deserve to.
:)))
Sorry it took me so long to get back here to comment Soul, have been having ongoing problems with my ISP today. Why always on a weekend? (Think God is saying - get outta the chair?) But I'm back now, for a bit anyway.
You did a beautiful job on this post Soul, really spoke from the heart and it shows. Ditto for me, all the way thru. Before I started blogging I was so lonely for company in my day to day life, and I honestly have no friends here where I live. Not only is it amazing to find people online that I enjoy reading and sharing with, but to discover how often I will have something in common with oneo of them. That NEVER seemed to happen in the real world! There are those who would argue that Internet friends aren't real. To that I say "BULLSHIT"! We all take a real interest in each other's lives and care very much how each other are doing. We also share a lot more than we might have in person, so the connections grow deeper more quickly.
It has been my delight to get to know you Soul Sister, once again, someone I probably would never have noticed on the sidewalk, or you me, but thru the wonders of blogging connections, we've discovered we have a whole lot in common and it's truly fun to banter back and forth with each other. You always manage to make me smile! I've noted how your spirits have lifted in recent weeks too, and that's even better. I am honored to call you my friend!
I loved that post, Soul. You know, we really don't know what people have been through in life to make them close up. We just kind of come into the blog with the expectation that we all have our baggage. I have seen that most of the friends here, are very open and able to communicate feelings, about friendships and just be real. This is a place where, Soul, I feel a complete sense of acceptance, of my positive and negagtive tendancies...I tend not to keep up with all of the bloggers and/or comment, and sometimes when I do, I fail to respond...or it takes me days. Anyway I am so sorry about the loss of your babies, Soul. The way you are so outgoing and funny, and expressive, it's hard to believe that you have been through something that intensely painful. So sorry. Soul, You are a blessing to so many people here, including myself, in the way that you can just let it out in the open. I can see that you are quite the soul survivor....though I never read your miserable posts from the old blogger days when you were at an all time low....is that depressing? Sorry!!!!! It was a really touching post here. Have to go read Jamies....this could take some time.
Wow, Soul, that was an amazing post! I'm going back to read it again.
I'm proud to call you my friend!
hi josie... ya, same here. no real life friends beatin down my door. but by having met y'all and realizing that i really am not in this all alone...has made a world of difference in my life.
there were days i didn't think or even want to think...about anything or anyone. days i wouldn't smile or talk, or have a reason to do either.
now... y'all just can't shut me up!
and you're right too... about who and how we meet our online friends. 9 out of ten, surely would not be someone we would approach on the street.. or wherever it is people meet these days...see, i don't even know where to meet people!
anyhow... i love the diversity of all the people i talk with online...some better off than others, some sicker than others, some happier than others, but it's what's inside that matters when we make these connections. and you're right, people write much more than they would ever say out loud...especially to a person new in their lives. here... we just spit it all out...take it or leave it. and i like it that way.
maybe cuz we're cool like that my soul sistah
hi gina...
believe it or not... i'm at a loss for words. :)) that was some sweet stuff you said... all i can think to say in response is thanks. i hope that's enough. i mean it. thank you.
have a good night
ERIN! HI.
i'm proud to call you my friend too.
cuz we rock huh.
:))
hope you're havin a good weekend.
Soul – I don’t know you and I’ve never read your blog before (I got here via Last Stand, who I do know). I’ve also been in a really crappy place for the last several months –from the end of Feb until now. Some really bad RL drama that’s made me pull away and isolate myself from everyone, both RL and online friends.
I’ve met a lot of cool people online in the last 2 yrs, and I’ve just withdrawn from all of them lately. I was thinking about them a little while ago, decided to check out LS’s blog, and found your link. So thanks for posting this.
metasin... thanks for coming by. i'm glad you got something from this post. come back anytime. there;s some great folks around here...and if you ever wanna just talk about something..my email link is on my profile. so just drop me a live.
hang in there. it may take some time..may take some changes...but you'll get thru whatever it is that's holding you back. you will.
have a good night.
Thanks, Soul. Right now, I'm just a mess, and not fit for human contact. These days, I mostly curse a lot, stamp my feet, cry, and rail at the heavens. And really, who wamts to see that?
If I don't have a complete breakdown and end up as a crazy lady in the street pushing a cart full of old clothes, broken applicances, and empty cans and bottles, I'll most assuredly be back.
And I don't know any of you here, but just wanna say if you've found online people that you like and adore, don't let them go! Hell, people like that are rare enough in RL, never mind the web.
Peace, all...
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