i'm just resting my EYES

i know y'all have heard that one before. prolly when you were a kid and accused your mom of sleeping, and ignoring you??? her response? "i'm listening to you, i'm just resting my eyes". and, isn't it funny, how now, we repeat the same damn line, that we knew was a straight out lie when we were young, to our own kids.

anyhow-- for y'all, my favorite people in the world-- well, aside from the soul clan of course ---
i'm not ignoring y'all... really, i'm not---
"i'm just resting my eyes !!!! :))
i love you, really i DO--
i just cannot seem to get caught up-- right now. just hold on-- i'll get there. eventually.





anyhow-- as for yesterday-- i did try to think of something to post-- it just didn;t happen.
for one-- i was resting my eyes :))
no, really. it was actually a sort of weird day.
too much to get into , but the short version would be that-- i was in pain, so i took a very very strong pain med-- which for the first time in YEARS, left me a little bit stoned. and as much as i would have like to like that feeling-- i really didn't know how to. so i just kinda tried to fight it-- and not see in threes. very strange. but it helped the pain.. for a few hours. but on its return.. i wasnt willing to feel that way quite yet.




so anyhow-- the dogs got in a nasty brawl too. it was pretty scary actually. hubby was at work. so it was me and soulkid left to break them up. eevee had sushis entire head IN her mouth !!!
i was hittin her (eevee) with a pillow, and yellin at her--- when soulkid just ran up and yanked sushi away! i was already afraid that I was gonna get bit-- but when she ran in there-- i got really scared that she would be hurt--- but she was very fast and sushi in her room in no time..leaving me and eeve to wonder wth .. where did everybody go? hmmm
it all went very fast... but at the time, seemed like quite a while. i really thought eevee would kill sushi in this one. it was their third fight. and they both get very mean. the first fight was the worst-- for sushi. since then no major injuries, but the last one sushi got a bite on her mouth that bled, but this time, no blood. PHEW.
yep-- that was real fun. more anxiety. just what i needed.
eevee had to spend hours-- maybe 3 or so-- locked in her crate til soulman got home-- cuz i couldnt risk another fight-- or one of us getting hurt. ugh.
too many animals--i'm tellin ya. i just can't take it anymore.

and poor sushi-- if it isn't eevee bein mean to her-- it's spot. jitterbug likes her-- but the other two ? only when they want to. ugh.





and so for today--
it's catch up day-- and i know i have said that daily for-- well --- ever--- but i really need to do at least something.
like :
clean house
do laundry
work on z budget
pay some bills
get food
get gas-- which reminds me--
have y'all seen this one yet???
they need to add *TEAR* on there with deisel... cuz i tell ya it IS enough to make ya cry--- at $4.79 a freakin gallon.. wanna know what it costs to fill up the "bubba mobile?" take a guess...
170.00 --- GASP !!!!! yes.. even GAG. or how bout EKG???? hahah i rarely go with him to get diesel... it's bad enough writin the amount in the check book.
omg.





so anyhow--
i apologize-- but that's about all i can do for now-- i just wanted to wake up-- i mean check in ...
and say HI PEOPLES!!!!
i hope to find some time to make my rounds today or this eve... i am so far behind, i've even hurt my bestest pals feelins. now that's bad.
i am sorry --and all of YOU too !!! i'm a bad blogger friend.

i hope you all have fantabulous days in your worlds today--
cuz you know-- i will try
(so far--so good)

ha-elp meeee i'm blogless

above is johnny cash's last video he made before he died.
originally it is a Nine Inch Nails song-
but i'm old, and i don't like them- or their version.
but i like the lyrics, the song, and of course- johnny is my man.

so-- anyhow--

i just can't think of a damn thing to write about-
not for lack of tryin tho-
it's after 12 now-- and i have been tryin to come up with a post since yesterday a.m.-
can we say UGH ?

but --- i know y'all keep comin
so, i better get somethin up heah--

only thing is---

I

and my body feels like THIS:
from head to ankles :((
just sayin.

and as for gettin caught up on anything around here?
well, not much...

yesterday i DID manage to finally FINISH :

but as for anything else?
NOOP.
NADA.

cuz not only was i a slug---
i was a very -- well-- dying slug - maybe--
like THIS- ?



i laid in bed for hours. upon hours.
like from 5 or 5:30 p.m. til i went to sleep-- then of course til 6 or 6:30 when i got up.
i haven't laid in bed that long in AGES. UGH. and i am payin for it now. OWWW.
i was in alot of pain. more than usual. and out of pain meds.
which really sucked ass.
and as most of you know, i can't take asperin or any OTC meds like that.
so i was kinda ruined.
soulman did lay in bed with me and watched a movie--
(but unlike me-- laying down too long hurts him--
while sitting up too long hurts me. soo umm ya-- anyhow)
it was
THIS ONE:
which was pretty good btw---

i know a bunch of you have asked a LOT of questions--
about a LOT of different things.
but my mind just cannot retain a damn thing these days.
just aske jamie/simonsays-
we will be talkin oonline- and in the same conversation-
i'll forget what she said two minutes before.
same goes for ANY conversation- anyWHERE.
i am beyond senile folks--
so i reckon i'll try to backtrack over the next day or so and get to your questions.
maybe.
or maybe you could throw them at me again?
oh man.
talk about losin your mind-
sure wish i could find it.

i DO remember that some asked about our vacation:
we do plan to still go to pensacola -- AC!!!
no pressure (lol) -but you better email me your phone number eh?
lemmee know a couple decent cheap hotels on the beach too eh?
all the ones online of course are high dollar-- i know there has to be some not online.
maybe?

i also went fishin yesterday--
but didn't catch ANY freakin fish!
i almost had a heat stroke too-
i stayed too long- as usual.
about an hour and a half-
obviously no pix-- of no fish.
perhaps-

or better yet-- take one next time i fish-
maybe "tomorrow" :))

AND perhaps , maybe if i pour coffee on this damn BLANK page of
writers block-
SOMETHING
worth a damn to actually write will come to mind???

until THEN_
i stumbled across THIS_

(i don't know if the blogger i stole it it from added the last part- or if is part of the quote)

but, with that--
i'm off--
like Batman -- without a batmobile !!
cuz, well, of course---
i'm outta gas.
:@

IT'S ALMOST FRIDAY p !!!!

just babblin, bout nuthin

Well hell people. I have been tryin to write a new post for days. Nothing seems to come together.

Maybe this time??

I really don’t have a lot to say. Nothing has been happenin around here lately. Well, unless you wanna count tryin to put my life back together.

I will admit that it was quite the relief to see that y’all were as understanding as you were in the below post, with your responses to what I had to say.

That was one of those posts, that a person really kinda wishes they never put up. Ya know. But--- well, once it was there—it was kinda just there. Do or die, I guess. So, I left it alone. I’m still not real comfortable with it. it was actually too much information. But, if nothing else—it was good to get it all out. If not for you—it was for me.

Anyhow--- movin off of that topic---

Onto—what? I have no idea at this moment, but something will come to me. Maybe.

We’re tryin to get our vacation plans put (back) together. Things got all screwed up this passed couple weeks. I think we have it figured out now—cept getting the budget back in order. That’s the fun part. Not. But I think it’s doable. I just need to cook at home and stop the fast food bullshit. Hubby has cooked a few times, but for the most part—it’s been “out-food/ or to-go food”. And it adds up way too fast. Simply asinine—and lazy. But really, I don’t know who out there has felt like this—but I’ve been damn near paralyzed… just unable to function… in any sort of responsible manner. Ugh. Lots of catchin up to do.

Soooo—that means I get to clean my sty of a kitchen, and grocery shop today. And y’all know – those are my two favorite things in life. You also know that’s a blatant lie.

I have a million other things to do—just don’t know what, how much, or if anything, I will actually accomplish. But hubby is back to work, after like 5 days off… and I usually do more around the house when he isn’t here. So I guess I’ll just have to get back to you on that.

We did figure out which one of the cats is the culprit – who’s been peein ON the guest bed !.. AND poopin, on the guest room floor. I find it just ridiculous for any animal to do something like that—to pee ON a bed !!! it infuriates me to no end. I also had brand new bedding on said bed. Which is obviously now ruined—along with the mattress--- and now will all be taken to the dump. At first we thought it was both cats—but last night—SPOT was caught in the act. No one has been in that room since bro in law left— whenever that was.. a week ago? Well.. the frickin mattress is soaked… all at one end. WTF???? I just don’t get it. but .. the cat has got to GO ! if we simply close the door, she will find another bed to piss on.. and with my luck—it will be the one I have years left to pay for. And in that case—I don’t know if I could restrain myself from drop kickin her thru the house. I doubt I would really hurt an animal—but oh is it tempting. But yep--- as many times as I have threatened to get rid of these cats--- she has got to go. Asap. Jitterbug—the fatty cat--- we will give one more chance--- she’s the destructive one.. but that’s cuz she’s a clumsy lard ass, and claws my furniture—and barfs on everything , cuz she’s a pig. But a cat who pees on furniture?? I don’t think that habit can be broken, or affordable. So she is outta here. Sad part? I don’t know anyone who will put up with her—she’s psychotic. Really. Sooooo.

One more thing on my already full plate.

But hey—at least I’m not sittin around cryin, and fightin with people all day long lately. I think I have at least somewhat of a rational train of thought this passed couple days. And I will call that a blessing . I have been sleepin a lot.. guess that crap really wore me out. But I won’t complain, cuz I don’t think I hardly slept at all for a month. If anything, maybe 2-3 hours a night—and a few nights , not at all. Sooo… I reckon I’ll take what I can get—until I level out.

Anyhow—I reckon I should get this day movin.

Hopefully I will accomplish something worthwhile.

Happy Tuesday folks---

i'm baaaaaaaack ---- i think -

Hi everybody—

I hope you all had some fun for your fourth of july. BBQ’s, fireworks, beer, family, whatever it is that you like to do .

Anyhow--- once again, I’m not sure where to begin here. Part of me wants to explain things. Part of me wants to defend myself. Part of me wants to jump right in like nothing happened. Truth is, a lot has happened lately. And so very much of it has not been good. But—at the same time, some good has come from it. but how can I say the good that came from it without explaining what the hell happened.

It’s not over yet. I still have a ways to go, but I do feel myself getting a bit closer to myself. Because for a while, I didn’t know if that was going to happen. I had no idea what the outcome of this situation (for lack of a better term) was going to be. (this time). But honestly, I didn’t think that I would be writing here anymore. I wasn’t sure where I would even be living. Or—if I would be living—if the truth be told. I struggled daily with the thought of shutting down my blog. I struggled with the thought of letting everything and everybody go. (online-and in my real life).

Worse of all, I struggled with the part of me that told me to run, hide, never open my heart, or mouth again…. And the part of me, that had softened a bit this passed year, and learned to trust people with my heart—and my world, and to let people in, and care about people. Yes—most of you I have never met—some I have, some I plan to, and some I probably never will, but I feel just as close here, as I would if you lived next door.

I almost let it all go. I almost let my husband, daughter, and sister go too.

And ya know--- aside form them, and y’all… I got nothing. No one.

But , I’ve been there before- and it wasn’t that long ago. I could be a hermit.

I’ve told people that if I wasn’t married , I would be one of those people that would be dead for six months before anyone even knew. I don’t know how true that is anymore. I think there just might be a few of y’all that would actually get “someone” to look in on me, if I didn’t post for too long—without explanation. Well..if I didn’t answer my phone too. Ya know. A year ago—wouldn’t have happened.

Soooo--- I suppose I’m maybe tryin to talk myself into trusting y’all enough to tell ya something here. Trust being the key word I reckon. But ya know, I guess if you can’t handle who I am , or what I have to say—then you can decide what you want or need to do about it. but I can’t go on trying to be someone that maybe I’m just not. I mean I am me. But sometimes… I’m not the me that you know. Oh hell. This is getting tough.

I reckon I’ll just spit it out—even though a few of you already know--- and I have a feeling a few may have figured it out. Then I have an idea, that some of you just won’t understand. But regardless of how you handle it--- it’s a part of me. I was told once that I am not my diagnosis. So I won’t say that “it is me”. Even tho, sometimes I feel that it is. Especially when I am in the thick of it. like this passed several weeks.

I have mentioned it maybe one or two times on my blog—but not only do I have several physical problems, and diagnoses…. I also have a few too many mental diagnoses to go along with them. Those being – bi-polar /manic-depressive, with major depression, PTSD, anxiety disorder, social anxiety—not as severe as agoraphobia—but I have had bouts with that as well—such as not going outside the front door for months at a time.

and a couple more that I would have to dig out my med record to look at. I am a true mental cracker.

But, on the bright side of that? It usually doesn’t all hit me at once. I get depressed. Sure. Everyone does. Mine just seems a little more severe, and debilitating.

I get anxious—yep—we all do—I just need meds to subdue it.

I haven’t slept a single night without meds in 12 years. I hate that part—but it’s natural to me now.

I sometimes leave half full grocery carts in the middle of the store, because I can’t stand being there with so many people… I’ve done it for years. Either I go another day—or hubby has to go do it for me.

Then, there are times, like recently—that my entire world, becomes a war zone. In my mind.. and out. It is unreal. Nothing makes sense. Nothing is real. Everyone is against me. I trust no one. Not even myself. I can’t sleep. Even with meds. I have severe mood swings. It could be hour to hour—or minute to minute. I could be sitting quietly—then be in a rage. I could be in a rage, then silently crying. I could be happy—or seemingly so—then pissed as a bull in the ring. Very unpredictable.. and so very hard on anyone around me. And it makes me want to run. I know it’s hard on those around me… and Its hard on me… so much is in my head—that it is impossible to even tell anyone. And all I want to do is run—or die. I’m afraid to talk.. afraid that it will get me locked up. Even tho sometimes I know that’s where I should be,.

This “episode”, was one of those times. It really was. This was the worst it’s been for me in many years. This was the longest this has lasted, and the closest I have come to doing something really crazy. (to myself).

I knew I should tell my doc. I knew I would be admitted. But I was afraid that if I was admitted ---- well… just that it would cause more problems for me, at home and with my family. Etc. how fuckin stupid is that???

To think that the alternative—the way I was thinking—could be remotely better. Ugh.

Anyhow—I am obviously still here.. breathing, I mean. I saw my shrink , finally.. a few days ago. I am on day four of a higher dose of one med, and an added one. And I am beginning to feel and think a bit better. Mentally at least. Physically—not so much. Even though I did get the botox shots about a week ago or so. They don’t seem to be doing anything. Oh well. I can deal with physical pain, I have done that for years. It’s the mental shit that is doing the damage these days. And as long as that continues to improve I will be fine.

But, I guess that’s it in a nut case. (nut shell).

I think the folks that I have been having the toughest time with have forgiven me. And I spose I have forgiven them too. I do understand how aggravated they have been with me. And maybe I would have been too if they were me this passed few weeks. I have literally not been myself. And have not made a lick of sense. And I know, if I couldn’t understand myself, how the hell, should I even consider them to understand me?? That’s just not fair.

But—to those who did REALLY understand/who live this life with me—you know who you are—thanks for reminding me.. that I’d be me again. I kinda knew that deep down… but I soooo didn’t think it would happen this time. I really didn’t. and I think some other folks I’m close to didn’t think I’d come back from this one either. So even though we argued, and they thought I hated them.. and left them… I hope they see this and know that I love them, and I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t love them.

And with that---- I think I better shut my damn mouth.

you know you love em

just checkin in

Hi y’all,

I don’t know how to start this post. Except to just start it. I have to say that I don’t really even want to be writing in the first place – right now at least. I just feel that I should. I keep seein you all stop by, or email me, some have messaged, or even called me. Ya know, I am so not used to this.

You give me the time and space I need right now, but at the same time, you let me know that you’re still here. And I feel really bad that I haven’t done the same for you.

I know y’all know that I am not in a good frame of mind right now. I don’t think I need to explain any further than that. And I don’t want to . What is happening right now, well there is no explaining it. I can only say that I am working hard to get it taken care of. I don’t think much can be done, aside from a little time, and patience, and some medication adjusting. Soon, I’ll be the ole soul I was a couple weeks ago. But for now, I think I just need to keep my yap shut for a little bit longer until I can get some things put together.

My mouth has really done a lot of damage lately. There’s a lot unsaid in that statement,but, some things are better left unsaid.

Anyhow—I think of all of you all the time. And I miss y’all like crazy. And I’ll be back soon. I do miss writing, and talking to everyone, and reading about your days , and stuff. I just think I should take a little bit more time. I hope you understand that.

My brother in law came to visit for the weekend today—we’re gonna take him fishin tomorrow at lake Benbrook.. or b—something.. there’s a couple B-lakes out here. But anyhow .. he and I have been havin a little fishin competition goin for years – he got in the lead last year at lake fork, so I have to try to take back the trophy tomorrow-- if I do I’ll put up a pic or two. Who knows, maybe I’ll get ole walter out there eh? He’s somewhere...waitin for me.

Welp – I better get to bed.

I hope you all are happy in your worlds ----

I’m workin on it.

life interrupted

i'll still cruise around..etc.. but i got nuthin left to say here... for now.....
if i don't have your email-- send it to me, and i will let ya know when i update-- if i update--
i just may be done with this thing--
i don't know.

i don't know anything right now--

here's my email if you don't have it-- if you want it-- whatever-

soulmange@yahoo.com

more too early incoherant babble

I MUST HAVE THIS !!!!!!

i found it while googling images for a sloth pic.... how lucky could i get ????

same thing happened once lookin for a soul photo-- i found a hat-- AND a hoodie that said SOUL SURVIVOR!!! did i buy them? why, yes, yes i DID. am i gonna buy this one? oh hell YA!! well.. unless someone wants to buy it for me?? :))




WELL SHIT !!! i'm typin in this friggin little box thingy-- and it won't let me get rid of it -- so i spose we're all stuck with it-- cuz i don't feel like messin with it anymore.

sooooo-- no, this wasn't what i was gonna post about-- just thought i'd show ya. cuz i think it's waaaay cool. some-a y'all just don't know how long i've been "a soul sloth" :)) it's just too funny to stumble on some of the stuff i find sometimes.


anyhow-- i don't even remember now what i WAS gonna post about. oh yes i do-- the fact that i just can't sleep for nuthin. WTF ??

it sooo messes with my head sometimes. it really does. and what makes it worse this last few days??? it's really my own damn fault. how? you may be wondering. well.. i allowed myself to run out of sleep- slash- anti anxiety meds. i know-- that was really a stupid move. a VERY stupid M-O-V-E .
but-- to defend myself-- i used to keep my meds by my bed-- and it was easy to know when i was runnin low--- BUT this past month or two-- or so-- i began to lock all my meds up--- in a case with a combo-lock... and well... it's just a pain in the ass to get into it--unless i need to refill the small case i carry in my purse. even then, it is, so i wait til i HAVE to get in there. well.. a few days ago-- i realized i was OUT.. totally.. of these most necessary meds. :(( and altho i sleep poorly anyways---- i haven't slept more than three hours per night in three or four nights. and days have been more than rough with the anxiety thing. why am i telling you all of this? i do not know. i guess cuz this is where i dump what's on my mind ... and right now-- lack of sleep-- and bein stupid is what's on my mind.
so anyways-- not only did i find that i was out of that med-- but very close to runnin out of two other ones that i take EVERY day. goo-lawd. someone really needs to slap me around a bit.
and as for the sleep issue? anybody recall me talkin about the "muscle-relaxer from Hell" ???/ well... i assumed--- that i could substitute THAT for a sleep med--until i could get the xanax refilled-- cuz wouldn't ya know-- i AM me-- and i had NO refills left-- UGH.... you know how that works-- ..... soooo--- the pill that has , in the past, left me comatose--- the entire following day after taking it??? has basically done NADA for me lately. well aside from what it is designed for-- less pain for several hours-- that's good i spose. but sleep? nope. even last night-- i was sooo tired.. i took a whole one at 9 ish-- nuthin...... 10 ish i took a half..... 1130-12 ish-- soulman comes to bed-- surprised that i'm still awake--- he rubs my head for half an hour ,,,, then he's asleep--- somewhere --sometime-- i fell asleep-- but i woke up at 2 a.m. on the dot. the bright red angry looking 2:00 A.M. staring at me from the clock radio as i laid there hoping i would be able to get back to sleep------did i?? nooooo.
will i?? perhaps.. maybe around noon.... usually food is my worst enemy in the daytime.. eat lunch fall asleep--whether i want to or not. i think i'm allergic to lunch.

so anyhow... can't tell ya wth is UP with my mind lately-- but it must look sumthin like this :

while my body is more like THIS :

and the "communication" between the two ?






which leaves me wondering...
why can't MY "self talk" be more like THIS -

aaaand-- on that note i think i shall STFU--
and leave y'all with this ---- :))

have happy days in your worlds today !!!

where in the hell has my muscle tone gone???

too bad today wasn't a tournament day !
i'da had a limit -- five fish.
nice fish too-
wanna see??

well -- have a look anyhow --


FIRST :

is for the few folks who have asked

" just what do you see when you look down a fish throat?"

well , THIS is what you see --



it's an upside down view - but that's whatcha see .
cool huh ?


next --

me - and a fish

aaaaand :

me -

with -

another fish

and this would be mois -
tonguin me a big ole bass :))

hope y'all are havin happy days in your worlds today !

sometimes, there's just no words left to say

the sun is up--- and i am outta heah -- no boat, as planned, cuz soulman didn't get any sleep either.
maybe he'll come to the pond when he wakes up.

hope you all have happy days today---

guess what???

soul kid passed the test today !!!

with an 88 %

yep-- i know- why was she there?
that- i don't know.

BUT -
we're FREEEEEEEEE !!!

WOO - HOOO

HAPPY WEEKEND PEEPS !

:))

PS: are y'all missin the biker bar post ?? below this mornins post ?? or just not talkin on it?
just wondered.. cuz if ya missed it -- ya might wanna look at it. it's a repost from last year.

floundering friday

mornin folks--

what's goin on in your worlds ?? i have been tryin to keep up-- not doin a very good job-- but i've tried.

seems i have been tryin to keep up here too-- and haven't really done a very good job here either.
at least not as far as the type of posts i like to write. as far as it goes for "me".. if i write what i can, whether it's positive - or negative-- it seems to allow me to see how i am really feeling, and what i need to do about it. but at the same time, if i see a pattern of negativity-- aside from feeling bad for it-- for ya'll-- i also am able to see where i need to change things ; within myself -- or ,my surroundings. ya know. so either way-- if i'm a crybaby-- or a nutcase-- if it's in writing.. rather than wrapped around my already incoherent thoughts... it makes it easier for me to put things together if i see it in writing-- outside of myself.
does that make any sense at all to you??? sometimes i wonder if i am the only one who understands me. then again, once in a while, someone gets it.

so anyhow-- this passed few days--- more likely-- passed few weeks -- i really have been an emotional , and mental -- oh hell -- let's throw in physical -- train wreck. i know a lot of you have seen that. yesterday i think it all came to a head. i guess i would say i "hit bottom".
i got to the point where i had NOWHERE left to turn, but to God. and ya know-- to be honest-- me and God haven't had a talk in quite some time. i'm not sure he liked what i had to say to Him ... but i think he understood, and even though i thought He was gonna be quite angry with me... i don't think He was.

because.... the day turned out to end on a fairly good note. for what seems to be a first-- in quite some time. i won't say perfect. but i will say better than most in recent passed.

such as-- the neuro appointment-- i actually ended up with a diagnosis for my neck pain. this has been going on since like last October. at least the severe pain has. i do have fybromyalgia-- so i have had pain there for years.. but last october , i backed into a concrete pole base in a parking lot-- and afterwards, i began to have many new symptoms , of pain etc, in my neck, back, legs, etc. even my eyes. since then, i had seen several docs.. from pain management - to neuro- to - you name it-- then after i had the seizure-- i saw this neuro doc-- who is actually turning out to be the most thorough understanding doc that i have seen in YEARS.

soooo.... what he found on my last exam-- yes-- a real physical exam, that he did last time.. the first doc to actually touch my back or neck in years-- (rather than tell me it's all in my head, and to se a counselor!) UGH... he went over all of it-- and told ,me i have what's called cervical dystonia. (i think). i may have mentioned i would be getting botox injections soon for pain.. but i really wasn't sure what for-- well , that's what for. a real friggin diagnosis... not stress.. not in my head... just as i have been telling these motherfuckin people for what seems like years!
AND he has also had no problem giving me real live pain meds-- rather than telling me to take tylnol--or asperin-- already knowing that aspirin can friggin kill me! (cuz it can cause my ulcers to bleed-- bad, )


anyhow-- that was good.... for me.. and i will say it relieved a lot of stress and depression for me. although a lot of my depression is about some other things that are going on.. the pain really doesn't help-- such as the neck and shoulder pain, and near daily headaches/migraines etc.. which the botox should help. that hope is really something to hold onto ya know. daily pain really can depress a person, and almost make a person nutty. not to mention when so much else is goin on.

so anyhow-- to change the subject-- that i am really gettin lost in anyhow-- you know that happens-- sorry-- senile

soulkid took her test yesterday to see if she can get out of summer school-- i really hope she passed. she said she felt she did. say a prayer peeps. i thought the test was today-- it was yesterday. i can't keep a damn thing straight ya know. but ya-- i'll know by 10 am today... and i shall let ya know. i think i feel pretty confident-- i hope i hope i hope she did it!!!

i do have an appointment today-- at 1030-- the one i thought was the other day-- geesh. this is with a calendar people. wth??? maybe someday i'll get it together. at least i can hope so. right?

well.. it's time to wake my child--- and get started on my day-- i spose i shall do some cruisin around when i get back from z doctah.

happy FRIDAY peoples!!!!

a walk down memory lane -----

hey peoples--

i was just siftin through older posts on here-- and look what i found...
i have mentioned re-posting this a couple times , but never got around to lookin for it-- it is one of my older posts that i didn't dump when i deleted most of this blog. i saved many that i felt "safe" - or maybe sentimental enough about to stay. this is one of them. i'm glad i kept it.
as i was readin the comments i couldn't help but chuckle--and God knows i needed a chuckle. sleep bloggin-- geesh. :)) smocha was oldy back then. good times.
EE-- sorry i never replied !! let's GO-- we can rent a harley !

so anyhow -- take a step-- or two, back in time with me--

i know-- a re-run for some- but hot off the presses for others :))

Saturday, September 1, 2007

The Biker Bar

how i get myself into these things, i will just nevah know. but here i am, writing a story, basically on the fly. why? well, because i happened to mention a biker bar, and a couple of people thought it might be a interesting story to hear more about. so... i have been pondering how to tell this story in a creative and interesting way... but i am comin up empty... so, i figured, i will just sit here and write; until something comes together.
Y'all gotta realize... this happened like 19 years ago. and with a memory like mine, that's a long ways to go back... but i will try.

here we go......

picture it, Sicily, 1937...oh crap, wait... that was The golden Girls.

ok, picture this; San Diego, 1987. young Soul, a partyin fool back in the day. (key word "fool" here.) anyways, yes, good ole San Diego, California. A lot happened in the few years i spent there. but most of it , i shall save for other times such as this. ok. back to the biker bar:

i was a 21 year old, US NAVY gal. that alone is not that great of a combination, but add a few sun filled summer days, friends, and SOUL, into the mix... and what do ya get? a first and last trip to a san diego biker bar.

it didn't have to be a weekend for me to drink... or to drink to excess , for that matter. especially now that i was of legal drinking age. not that that had ever stopped me before, just seemed to have become more combustible, when i could get into bars without looking guilty.
so, this could have been a monday, or a friday, or a holiday , or a work day, or any day... but i was sitting at my house. it was actually a one bedroom apartment, in Imperial Beach; i lived alone. no pets, no people, just me, and i liked it that way. although, i did attempt a bird...til it bit me after it escaped from his cage. after that... i had no pets. well, until i attempted a guinea pig.... then i realized it smelled simply horrid...and i took it back to the pet store...with some made up story...that i had bought it for my nephew and he couldn't keep it. i was not home enough to have a cat or a dog at that time. so those were the extent of my pets at that time.

so ya, i lived alone, in a small apartment not far from the beach. i worked hard, i played hard, and i drank hard. so, when anyone wanted someone to go drink with...they knew where to find me.... if i wasn't at work... i was most likely home drinking. or out drinking. but if i was out drinking...i was with them, so they probably weren't looking for me.

but, this one night... feels like October, for some reason. but i don't think it was... i think that's my memory mixing two stories...with he same friend, and the same biker jacket. but i'll prolly never get that one straight. sooo... i am actually thinking it was warmer than october on this particular night. when the phone rang. there i was, kicked back with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other... i only remember this because... that was my permanent resting position while at home. well...most of the time.

so... there i am, the phone rings...i do believe that this was back in the day before cordless phones too. so i had to actually get up off me arse to get the phone. when i did so... it was my bestest friend. her name was cindy... and boy do i have some stories about her..and me..sailor sistahs. geesh. it was the best of times , it was the worst of times. ya know what? i have never read that book in my life... but i have heard that line a million times... and it describes san diego, and my friend and i to a T. but that's all for another day. or two.

so, i get up, something i didn't want to do at the time. i do remember it was sorta late, dark at least, and i already had a good buzz-on goin. but i answer the phone, and it's my pal...my bud, cindy. (sailor sistahs... that just ht me a minute ago, after all these years.... too little too late i reckon). but there she is...
she says.... hey let's go out.
i say where to?
she says to this bar i just found out about...it's a biker bar!
i say...ummm... a biker bar???? why a biker bar?
she says, cuz mark wants to go and i think it'll be cool, so come meet us.
i say... hmmmm... i don't think i want to go to a "biker bar". (you know... i was a drunken sailor...already boozin it up...me? in a biker bar? drunk? this could be trouble.)
but she himmed and i hawed... and in the end.... i ended up in freakin Coronado, in a damn biker bar.

it may have been between the two..I.B and Coronado..hell i don't know, but it wasn't very far from my house...so i got sucked in. with her himming ya know.. and seein as my hawing didn't help sway her to a more familiar , comfortable drinking establishment....there we were. leather jackets and all... checkin out this fantabulous biker bar. that actually looked like a straw roofed outdoor bar on a beach in tahiti or somethin. only with walls of course.... and a jukebox. and us. ugh boy.

so i wasn't feelin real good about going there in the first place, but it got even worse once we were there. it was like we had reached the point of no return. we were in a real live biker bar. how cool is that? the smell of leather and beer filled the room, loud music, loud men, pool tables.... and us... drinkin it up. losin our virginity to the other side. OF LIFE...NOT the bikers!!!

so, we were maybe on our second or third beer...which, actually didn't take us long to get to, so we hadn't been there for a real long time... there we were finally beginning to relax, and enjoy the place, the atmosphere etc.

ahhh hey cin this isn't sooo bad. i thought it would be a lot worse. ( i say)
she says...see i told ya.
mark, her boyfriend, by the way, chickened out, and we were there alone. just us.

cheers, my friend!

when all of the sudden....YELLIN and CRASH!!!! and people started rushing all over to one side of the bar... the side AWAY from the bar counter. everyone except two extremely drunken individuals....who, if you haven't figured it out yet... were in a bar fight. well duh... we were in a biker bar. but my fear had come true... my first thought earlier in the night when biker bar was first mentioned, was the reputation they had for fights, and knives, and that type of stuff that i was not quite acclimated to. yet there it was, and there i was, and there she was....

she thought it was the coolest thing ever...i on the other hand, just wanted to get the hell out of there... alive and without hand cuffs or gaping wounds.

still... it was like the train wreck thing.... don't wanna see it, but can't help but to watch. so we got as far away from the fight itself, where we could still see what was happening... and one guy takes a beer bottle, smashes it across the other guys face... and it broke !!! on this dudes freakin face....and it just started gushing blood everywhere. i was quite glad that it was dimly lit, because i really didn't want to see it in full lighting. but in my own juvenile way, i was disappointed that we didn't see ALL the blood. but that was about all we needed to see... that and the knife that the cut guy pulled out.... we booked on out of there.

she remained fascinated with the biker scene... i however did not. i gave her the black leather biker jacket that i had... a gift from one of those two dates, and "i love you" type things. he got kicked to the curb rather quickly if i might add. so i had no need for the jacket... no motorcycle to ride on... a nice fat muffler burn though... and...i had NO plans to ever go to a biker bar again. so i gave her the jacket. she became the biker babe wannabe.... and i learned to trust my instincts just a little more.

i have yet to return to a biker bar. btw.

if it doesn't feel right.... it aint.

Posted by SOUL: at 10:19 PM

15 comments:

Josie Two Shoes said...

I've done a little time in biker bars, Soul, and you've definitely captured the warm feeling of "hospitality"! To say the least, it was an adventure that you can think back on and smile at now. :-) Who would of thought our well-mannered, home-bodied little Soul Sis was once a hard partyin' gal! Ahh, the secrets we find out here in blogland! hehehe BTW, this was very well written story, and a fun read, you need to do more writin' Soul Sis!

12:50 AM, September 02, 2007

SOUL: said...

what are you doin up so late? personally i am two minutes away from strangulation, and soulman is asleep. i must get off this thing. lest i die...or post a comment somewhere that i wont remember an regret in the morning.
and yep... many stories behind this blogger. but hey... i got soul. better... i AM soul.
and tired as a beat pup.
c ya in z mo'nin ss

crap.. i just fell asleep in mid sentence... i better get to bed.
nite.

1:10 AM, September 02, 2007

JYankee said...

yeah really my geckoh crackah sloth sistah! geez... see what happens when sloths wander outta their territory? sloth meaning the position you like... sitting on the couch...beer in one hand...ciggy in the other...(tho i never saw a sloth that smoked...well that's another story...)...HA cool...yeah i have NEVER been in a biker bar... mine just took place in a PUB for god sakes! that was cool and you told it perfectly... no worries there mate!

1:29 AM, September 02, 2007

simonsays said...

Back in the day...and I mean way back in the day...when I was living in phoenix, i hung out regularly at a biker/cowboy bar. Yes, I know that combination was strange, but it worked...they got along...until about midnight every friday and saturday...then they would fight. It often got ugly, and because I was underage, I always had to get the hell out of there, but they would go back each and every weekend, and they would all get along until the drinks would flow too long...it was funny. And I had a blast there. Ah yes, the good old days....

5:23 AM, September 02, 2007

simonsays said...

Great post, BTW. Some day we will all have to swap stories....

Now get to bed....

:)

5:23 AM, September 02, 2007

SOUL: said...

well hi all
glad it was a smooth end product. :)0

yep, those were the good ole days..

yank..i did sleep.. but by lloks of time stamps i see...apparently, not much.

jamie.. they oughtta call us thelma and louise! ha
where are you btw... sign on!

6:12 AM, September 02, 2007

CRUSTYBEEF said...

I think you're my mom-
and your story was hilarious..here I am with my coffee, Ben crawling around on the floor beneath me, Bigdogg sitting to my left watching ESPN highlights on his boob tube, and I'm lmao!!

Happy SUNDAY!!
Always,
Crusty!~~~~
we're having a last minute bbq 35people so far..wanna come? I think I already asked ya, right? damn darvocets. :)

7:43 AM, September 02, 2007

Oldy said...

ahh the good old days.lol that was good story.

see i told you, you are a writer.
get to writin' a book.

i can't believe you had nothing to say about my shocking blog post!
how rude!!

7:59 AM, September 02, 2007

Josie Two Shoes said...

A cowboy/biker bar? What a combination! I can't even imagine!

11:40 AM, September 02, 2007

SOUL: said...

crusty..... your mom? how so? first your gramma, now your mom. hmmmm. in a good way i hope???

you gave me quite a visual of your read here... you need to write too. get on it.

yes...you did invite me to your giant BBQ... sorry i couldn't make it. how was it??? hope you had FUN FUN FUN ! and i hope your tooth didnt ruin it all for you. (liquid lunch)???

lemmeeee know

9:15 PM, September 02, 2007

SOUL: said...

OLDY.. i can't write a book.... obviously. or it would be written by now. or maybe the time just hasn't come yet? remember the tellin a story backwards thing? maybe i have to wait til it has an end, before i can figure out how to start it??? maybe someday. when, after, before, if, you know the drill.
(i didn't have anything to say on your post, cuz you never say anything back to me, and it gets old talkin to myself.) but for the record... why didn't you leave? i don't think i would have been able to just watch that like that. i must really be a prude.

anyhow... yes, a shocking story of your own.

IF ANYONE wants to see oldys boat porn post...go see it on her page.
(no, not HER.. some true "pleasure boaters".

9:20 PM, September 02, 2007

SOUL: said...

ya jos...
what a combo...
cowboys, bikers and an underage JAMIE! LOL

9:21 PM, September 02, 2007

Josie Two Shoes said...

LOL at Oldy's porn post - I figure if somebody wants to put on a show in public, it's there for the watchin, hand over the binoculars! LOL

10:40 AM, September 03, 2007

Portia said...

you tell a helluva story! i could totally picture it...or maybe it took me back to whatever movie i last saw a biker bar in, cause i've been in some crazy places but i honestly don't think i've set foot in a GENUINE biker bar. i imagine the fights are a lot more exciting than most others;)

2:54 PM, September 04, 2007

EE said...

I've been to many a bar, but never a biker bar. I would, however, make an exception, if you would go with me.
I wouldn't mind seeing a real live biker fight...though I'd probably pass out from the blood:o

10:05 PM, September 04, 2007