ughhhhhhh

boy, i'm havin one of those days.  i don't really know why.  i just don't.

maybe i do - but i am just here to put these pix up- and to say one thing

ok a couple things -

first - the pix -- they are of the floor upstairs -- somewhere on this computer i have pix of what the hell up there was before.  the carpet looked like nothing that should ever be in a home.  but it was.  but thaT must be cuz i am me.

but this is what they look like now - and beauty is only what will come.  also, because i am me -- i won't enjoy them as much as i would like -- because they are up satairs - where i never go -  because - well - i hurt.  when i went up before -- it was to clean the hell that existed - or maybe to get somethin..
buying a two story house when you have chronic pain is really a bad idea.  blogging when ya can't see isn't a very good idea either.

anyhow.

the other thing i wanted to say?  i shoulda known better.  nothin to do with anything really.  very cryptic i know.  but i know what i am talkin about - and that's ok.  but yeh.  someone -- has a lot of fun F-N with me... and i fall for it every damn time .  no more -- so... i guess - i just needed to 'say that out loud'. 

ugh

so aggrivating.


what else is aggrivating?  the floor folks are comin back in a while -- i don't think i can handle it again.  i really think i need to go rent a hotel room.  ugh.  just ugh.

shattered fragments of itchy and scratchy

hiya folks -- how's things in your world this morning?  here?  well, for one thing-- my computer is makin strange noises when i hit keys / sometimes -- i don't know why.  but what else is new right?  i can't even manage to make coffee half the time these days.  my vision is a mess...  it has been fading, and my eyes have been hurting, burning  or one thing or another for a long time-- but this last couple of days -- it's different.  i am gonna have to go the eye doc maybe today.  from the little research i did on my visit with dr. google -- sounds like -- shit now i already forgot - ivitis? uritis.iritis.? MY EYE-- i don't know -- i could check - but i don't feel like it.  if it is - whatever i found - it could lead to blindness -- so yeh -- can't really use a computer without eyes.  and most of you know -- my computer is pretty much my only link to the outside world.  so vision is kinda important.

i haven't been bloggin much -- as you can see -- :)) -- ("see") -  :))
anyhow -- i haven't been doin much communicating in any way - for quite a while.. with anyone.
recently- i have been attempting to get back into touch with the world.. meaning y'all.. via facebook, text - or other means.. just so ya know i am alive- and do still think and care about you.
maybe after so many of my comings and goings without notice i have harmed some folks - or done some damage, that i cannot change - and for that i am sincerely sorry.  it may have changed the way you feel - or forced you to put your guard up - or distance yourself -- and i do understand that.  i have done the same a lot of times.  i will never be able to make it right i don't think. or be able to apologize enough.  maybe i should just stop apologizing.

yep -- i still babble.  i have forgotten how to 'write'.  i haven't written in so long.  i have many unfinished posts in my -- well, whatever ya call it -- draft file? --here, that i have tried to write, and they just turned out to be pure crap.  worse than ever.  some only a few sentences, some a title - some -- just crap.  some are actually -- nothing -- just blank..a date...i had convinced myself that no one wanted to read it anyhow.  that - or maybe i had hurt or pushed away everyone.  -- perhaps even pissed folks off to the point of no return.  i reckon a person can can only apologize so many times right? -- for 'disappearing', i mean.

a lot has happened here that i have not told you -- well, duh, that's pretty obvious right?
i think this  year has been hard for me  and manifested itself in every  way -- mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc etc...  some you know - some you don't .. and some OF you know - and some OF you don't.  picture a broken glass on the floor - and that is my life , my relationships, my mind, my body....  my world.
 if you put every thought a person has in one month into a blender and turn it on?  that's kind of what my mind has been like for quite some time.  i can't shut it up.  there has been a lot goin on in in my life and it all spins in my mind.  and there isn't  much to ease or quiet it.  so- i guess that is what has caused a lot of my issues -- such as -- shutting down.. and shutting folks out.  and not writing... etc.
 in turn .. i have been tryin my damnest to not destroy what little i have left.  in fact i am nauseous right now.  it's awful.  life makes me ill.  BUT-- believe it or not -- i feel kinda better today :)) (mentally /emotionally)  jeeeeesh.

i quit smoking the day after mothers day -- this year.  which was a miracle. the whole way it happened.. the way the girl approached me to talk about the cigs, where to get em how to use em, all of it.  i bought one the next day after talkin to her and just like that - i quit smokin cigs.  so i sure do recommend you try one if ya wanna quit . i smoked over 30 years! and was quit within 24 hours.
 but i am havin trouble with the damned electronic cigs --i own FOUR of them, and all are gvin me fits.  but it's ok.  i'll get em figured out or get a new one..

i did however smoke a cig the other night.  it wasn't anything like i thought it would be.  my comfort- my 'best friend'.  my addiction.  it smelled bad.  i felt bad.  why did i smoke it?  most of you on face book know -- our big dog eevee got out and got run over and killed .  it is so heartbreaking.  we haven't lost a pet since Midnight.  who was MY dog. she too was a family dog, but she was my heart and soul.  eevee was 'soulmans' dog.. but she was the family baby-- it wasn't so ever present until she was gone.  OMG. it hit me hard.    i didn't know i loved that girl so much.  i cried so much yesterday i thought i would never dry out!  this is the second day to get up and not put her outside in the morning.  it is just a weird feeling, and it makes me sad.  i watched her video clip yesterday - that's when the tears really came. i mean i cried - before.  but i bawled like  baby when i saw the video - of her alive- and 'working- happy- ugh.  but she was a happy girl/and loved to play. she loved her stuffed 'babies', and she loved us. 
 (here is a link to her webpage/ before we got her... - from her previous owners -- she was a champion shutzhund dog -- with a champion line of pups and predecessors -

http://www.malinoispuppies.com/malinois_eevee.html

sushi has now lost two best friends -- she grieved midnight for instantly and for a long time.
as for EEVEE - she knew before we knew.  in fact, i believe that Sushi knew the moment that eevee was hurt.  because she began looking thru the house for her.  she went into her crate after wandering the house an even upstairs-- that's when i knew something was wrong.  soulman got in the car and drove around -- that's when he found her  :((  -- he brought her home -- yesterday he took her to the vet, she will be cremated and spread over the lake -- just like midnight, she liked the boat, water, and fishing :))

i've been off my meds (anti depressants) for weeks - i felt really true feelings for the first time in many years probably.  grief.  i was angry and sad at the same time. off and on. god i was sad.  i still am of course. but the tears were different.  the sad was just different. i can't even explain it.  the tears were actually -- soothing?   i have been 'medicated' for so damn long that  i didn't remember that you could cry , and feel -- ok- after.  i didn't know .. anything emotionally.  i don't know what i'm talking about.  i don't know anything about 'emotions.'   that don't feel 'wrong'.  or especially the ones that don't come out/ are expressed wrong.  ugh.

yeh.. coming off my meds is a bit scary.  i feel -- what might be 'normal' coming.  aside from the physical horrible side affects -- like right now-- i am itchy!!!  i have been gettin itchy and scratchy - sometimes red -like hives, sometimes just itchy. it might be from comin off the effexxor -- could be the catch all -- nerves.  but the comin off effexxor -- i swear it could kill me dead!  i am stil getting side effects from that - and i only took it for a month!  it has been a month since i stopped it-- cold turkey.  i am getting every listed side effect aside from death !  nausea-vomiting-brain zaps-, hot/cold flashes, MOOD SWINGS.. and i do mean evil mood swings.  to the point of threatening divorce.   which, who knows?  might be a blessing -- i am impossible to live with.

things aside from my own body and mind ,and eevee things have been goin on too -- but are gettin taken care of --

we had flood number one upstairs a while back.  easy fix -- i think i mentioned that here.

i had TWO vacations - should have been perfect -- made me physically ill.

i am more agoraphobic now than in a long while..

we were in the early stages of a remodel - when flood number two came -

we are back to the remodel

before long we will have a real live guest room -- just in case anyone wants to come visit  :))

refer to above -- no big dog to be afraid of.  :((

sushi isn't barking near as much since eevee 'left'

---- i woke up entirely too early due to pain, and combined with vision problems --- i am gonna sign off now---

have a happy day in your world folks -- thanks for the condolences for EEVEE -- she was a great girl.

so instead of blowin up facebook ---

hiya folks !

i'm back..  but then again, where have ya heard that before?   we got home saturday afternoon from Falcon Lake, Tx. from our 20th anniversary vacation week.   boy, i never knew that fishing could be so darn exhausting.  we sure had a good time tho.  sunburns and all.  :))  i couldn't tell you how long it's been since i had a sunburn like that.  or 'this' i should say.  i think even my eyeballs got sunburned!  they hurt even still.  no, i don't really think they got burnt.  but they hurt.  my legs and arms and hands and everything else burnt tho.  my lower legs even peeled!  that hasn't happened in like 7 years or more.   it was hot down there.   
our first or second day was actually kind of funny ... it was reminiscent of our seventh anniversary.  almost exactly.  on our 7th anniversary , we took a vacation from Wichita kansas to lake fork, tx.. also to fish a world renown trophy bass fishing lake.   we had all these big hopes and dreams of catching our 'walters! ' .. (of course 'Walter' wasn't even heard of back then.. but we have always had the dream of a ten pound bass) -- so we drove all those miles - with a 5 year old soulkid to celebrate our anniversary -  and when we got there - and rented a 14 foot -- really not very sea worthy - john boat -- the sky opened up and poured rain... hard -- if not for hours it was a day or two.  - we didn't let it ruin our trip back then - and guess what?
 here we are - all these years later -- 13 years later to be exact -- at yet another - world renown trophy bass fishing lake -- still chasing after our 'walter' -  and what happened?  yep, you guessed it ... the sky opened up, and poured rain on us... it even hailed -- pea sized hail....  on day one of our vacation.   we could only laugh, and remember our first big bass lake vacation.  you know it's cuz we are us.   it wasn't bad though.  it was kind of nice.  i should have taken a few pictures but i didn't think to.  i got a lot of other pics tho -- but, we didn't let it ruin our trip this time either .  (unlucky 13?  nah)

anyhow, in honor of my dadio - who was a lifer in the  border patrol, i took several Border Patrol pix -- some awesome ones at that --

 (my dad- back in the day)

border patrol, zapata, tx

inspection station, BP, near Laredo , tx

i had never seen a border patrol boat like that, i thought it was the coolest thing ever. note the engineS, TWO big ole engines on that thing, i bet it hauls booty!   i  wondered if my dad ever got to patrol on one.  i don't have the opportunity to ask him, so if anyone in the family knows -- let me know.  
i do know that he was stationed in Puerto Rico for a few years -- among some other coastal places.. so he may have had a chance , but i bet back in those days, they were nothin like these boats.

so, Zapata , Texas,  what a town.  it has a population of maybe twelve.  :))   it's a small place.  not much of a variety of places to eat or sleep.  soulman smoked a brisket on our big green egg before we left and we took that and some other eats with us.. it lasted a few days , and made some viscous tacos.  we ate tacos twice a day for three days :))  there was one restaurant there in Zapata that a guy on TV with a fishin show - "Mark Zona" - ate at when he filmed his show down there - so of course we had to go there... they had some awesome chicken fried steak -- we ate that - BOTH times we went there. :))

 (never enough gravy - :))

we originally had rented a condo for the week, but that didn't work out too well.  you know the drill.. it's cuz we are us  :))  it wasn't terrible or anything, it was just that there were a few 'issues'.  such as .. .. well,  we were layin in bed on the second night (maybe even the first)  and it was like 10:00 PM or so, when suddenly a shot rang out in the dark.  or three.  oh yeh.  for real.  maybe four.  i was so tired it didn't bother me that much.  normally it might have scared the crap outta me, but i was so exhausted every night we were there that nothing seemed to matter much - except the next day of fishing - or maybe the next meal.     but as for soulman?  it bothered him... a lot.  we didn't talk about it tho.  he got out of bed and scoped things out of course.  he didn't see anything or anybody around the house, but he was worried about it.  for the next day or two things were pretty weird .  the area we were in apparently wasn't the best in town... obviously.  ya couldn't really tell by lookin at it tho-- but we would be out - goin or comin from fishin or eatin or something, and a car would drive by real slow - or circle around the block a couple or three times .. it was real weird.  creepy even.  we only slept there two or three nights when soulman went to the tackle shop and before he even got back he called me and told me to start packin our stuff cuz he got a hotel room in town  :))  he just didn't feel safe there -- and leaving me there alone was all it took for him to realize just how unsafe he felt. 

so we got a nicer safer place to stay for the rest of our time there.  no more gunshots -- no more ants.. yep - there were ants on the kitchen counter at the condo too.  beats roaches, but i hate them just as much .. i don't know why, i don't know where they come from or why they bother me like they do, but i was glad to be rid of them.  the hotel room had a fridge and a microwave - so it was nice.  of course -- on our first night there, we went to heat up some left -over chicken fried steak .. when guess what happened?  yeh.. the microwave didn't work -- cuz yup -- we are us!  :))  BUT -- we got a brand new in the box microwave for the rest of our stay  :))

so - the fishing?  oh it was fantastic-O!!  soulman caught the first several fish.. of course.  i almost began to feel like i wasn't gonna get any.  ooooh that's a bad feelin.  he was haulin in some awesome fish too.   i was gettin skunked :((  two hours prolly went by - he had two, 7 pound bass - AND a few smaller ones,  i had nuthin.

but then -- my luck started to change ! -- they started small ---  like the ones from home at the pond -- but i was happy with em !

after a few like these, (that i caught the next day ) - guess what happened ?

KABOOM !

almost SIX pounds hammered my line!

at this point - i had my biggest fish - to date - on my rod --

that made me a happy soul !  :))

before him, it had been years since i caught a fish that big.  when i did? i named him .. i named him 'uncle George'

hmmmm... now that i see 'uncle george again..

he doesn't seem so big after all.

i think i've caught many fish bigger than him since then  :))

he's still a nice fishy tho, isn't he?  that was my first 'nice fish'.. kansas 1998-ish.

i was quite the chunk myself eh?

so, after my big catch, it was soulmans turn again -- and he got his record catch, and THE record catch for the Falcon trip--  a whopping EIGHT POUND BASS !  and one of the very few photos of him without that UV protective buff thing over his face :((

we had soooo much fun!  i don't even know what was more fun, 

catchin fish or watchin each other catch fish.  it was all fun!

we both broke our big bass records - him with 8 pounds , me with 7.3

i don't know what i will do if i ever do get 'walter' at ten pounds or better.  i just can't even imagine pullin in a fish that big after what it was like bringin in the ones i did on this trip.  it was insane!  

after i had time to think about it , i realized that my bigger bass wasn't much smaller than soulkid was when she was born!  she weighed 7 pounds, 9 ounces.  my fish weighed 7 pounds, 3 ounces !  and for soulman, his was BIGGER than she was at birth!  it's just crazy to think that a bass can be bigger than a baby!

this was my biggest BASS of the trip - 7.3 lbs

just a few ounces bigger than the one i got just before it.

and only SIX ounces less than my child was at birth!

soulkid - 3/9/1994

7.9 LBS

here is soulman, and his almost 7 pounder - with the greatest catch of his life :))

this one weighed in at 6.8 pounds

this is my other big one -

i got him first that day.

biggest fish of my life at that moment.  you can see it on my face can't ya?

i was even happier than i look!

bringin in fish like these isn't as easy as you might think either -

it's actually quite hard work -

some of you have heard me use the term "bass burn"

i had it worse than ever from this trip -- 

it was/is well worth it tho.  it doesn't hurt anymore.

but when it did hurt - i didn't care  :))

what i DO care about is bein home finally.  it seems like we were gone for a month.  it was so strange to be away from soulkid for that long.  she did good tho.  except for the fact that one of the first things she told us was that she quit her job.  ummm. yeh.  she did.  when the cat's away , the mouse will play.  no. it's not as bad as it sounds.  she had another job offer.  it just doesn't look like it's as secure as she thought it was when she quit the job she had.  live and learn.  she does have other options though.  good thing we didn't stay away any longer than we did i reckon.  :))

other than that?  i had about 23 words with friends games goin when we left -- i didn't play a single word on our trip.  ummmm...  guess where that landed me?  yeh.  the doghouse.  if you play the game at all - you know it forced me to 'forfeit' every last game.  i didn't do it on purpose !  don't hate me!  is 23 goin through your mind like i'm crazy for havin that many to begin with?  it IS crazy, but it happens.  it doesn't take long before ya end up with 2 or 3 games with every one ya play with , and the next thing you know - there you are with two hundred games goin and you're just outta control!  then , see what happens?  so don't hate me, i was on my hunny-moon  :)) i still love ya <3

i really just didn't barely touch my phone. only a few trimes to update facebook, and of course i talked to my soulkid every day.  other than that - i did nothing but eat, sleep and fish :))

now, i am on the verge of recovery, and gettin back on track with  life and my peoples, and my biness. i have medicine to refill, bills to pay , errands to run.. next week i have appointments to get to...  just life in general to get caught up on and the groove to get back into.  so y'all should be seein me around a little bit more.  i hope that's a good thing?  it is for me.  cuz i have missed y'all.

anyhow, i must get offa this thang.  my eyes ballz are burninnnnnn

g'night folks!

hope y'all have a happy day tomorrow - and a happy week ahead!

Falcon Lake sunset

still kickin

ola my peep-le

how's it goin?  i am still around. altho ya might not know it by my lack of blogging lately.  i have been a busy girl.

i got back from vacation maybe a week ago -- girls-week, that is. and it has taken me that long to - only almost catch up. man, i don't think i should leave town for that long again.  five days maybe, but 7-8 is apparently too long.  physically it kicked my ass, and in business, yup there too.
also while i was away -- hubby decided to buy a boat !  it's a very nice boat  i'll give him that.  wanna see it?

not the greatest pic - but it is a nice boat - AND it books out at around 5,000 more than we paid for it.

good job soulman!

it took a lot of convincing for him to get out of hot water - but as soon as i saw the cracked transom on OUR boat (that neither of us knew about til i was gone) - - i was perfectly fine with his decision.  and finding out that he had our boat sold already, made it even sweeter. ( i don't know why he didn't begin his speel with those things... men.)

anyhow - girls week was a ton of fun -- i met the girls in eureka springs for two days - then to hot springs where my sister lives, then we went to a yurt for overnight -which i think was the best of all ! -- 

my aunt went missing ! like as in literally MISSING!  MIA type missing.  we called the police and everything.  it was crazy. but in the end she was ok, :)).  she had forgot what day it was, and was with her sister picking berries  :)) she was supposed to meet us - and no one heard from her -- or could reach her by phone, for two days ... yeh.. IT does run in the family  :))

i am still NOT smokin - i am still on the electronic ciggie.  knock on wood.  since mothers day :))  doin well with it.  the soulfam is proud of me , and i am too.  i like it better than cigs.  it tastes better.. no smell, no fear of burnin the house down.. y'all know i was bad about fallin asleep with cigs :((  no more of that.  

things are good.  i could use some energy.  i don't know what's up with that.  before girls week i was real full of energy.  since then i am suffering from a lot of pain, and burn out.  i hope that passes.  soon.  

hubby and i have our big 20 anniversary vacation planned !  our very first anniversary without the child.  it will be interesting.  i still wonder if we will survive it without -- (A)- coming home early in worry -- or (B) - thinkin too much about her and not bein able to focus on what we are doin.  

we are heading to lake falcon for our very first even overnight away from home/ childless trip in 18 years.  bah !  wish us -- and her luck  :))  (she won't be alone - she will have a friend with her and her doggies.)

anyhow here are a few pix from girl-week 2012-- enjoy --

click on em to make em bigger -

a beautiful cat who loves to be in  pix 

at 'turpentine creek' in eureka springs

 this is all of us with my aunt - eureka springs

 vickie and my aunt - who went MIA  :))

 soul chillin - i'm on a boat !

i'm so damn easy to please !

me, sorting tackle at the yurt

 they toilet papered me at at the yurt ! :))

too far away pic - me and my sis - at clearwater creek

(our childhood playground)

(out of order - taken right before i left)

me and my sis on her boat

 my sis and vickie on the boat

///////////////////////////////////////////

and a final treat -- my soulman  :))

(right after i got home :))

 

even soulman can't understand me.  :))

but he loves me anyhow

y'all take it easy -- and have a happy day in your worlds today !!!!

slower than my computer.....

yes i am.  man i just cannot seem to get UP today.  guess i am finally runnin out of gas.  or perhaps have run out of gas.  many of y'all know i have quit smokin recently.  can you believe it?  i can't either!  if you haven't heard yet? it's true.  today is day TEN !  ugh.  i have tried - off and on , diligently, and not so much.. the only thing that ever worked for any length of time for me was pregnancy :)) - and even then, once it was over?  so was the not smoking. 
other than pregnancy?  chantix 'almost' worked. once. til it made me insane.  literally.  drove me straight to a mental ward, in the first two weeks.  i couldn't even speak clearly .  i still don't remember much of what happened while i was in the hospital.  other than a seizure - and a couple bits of conversation.  none of which was anything good.
so.  you wonder what's different this time?
this ---

it's an electronic cigarette .  not the kind ya find at convenience stores though.  i've used those little ones.  they were fine for getting through a movie or dinner.  but the one you see here?  it is a gift from God!  i couldn't make it through a movie at the theater before ,without having a cig.  now i'm ten days without one at all.  and it happened within 24 hours of using this thing.  did i mention ... mothers day -- i smoked THREE packs of cigs -- which was my norm... the next day , i bought my electronic ciggie -- and haven't had a smoke since.  3 packs a day -- to zero. just like that.

and .. the next best part?  my sis, and her bestie -- who have also been trying to quit smoking for many years -- are having me get them one too !!!!  cross your fingers y'all!
mine has already paid for itself in the cigs i haven't bought --   2 cartons of cigs is about what it takes to pay for one.  just think of all the fishin stuff i can buy with alllll the money i don't spend on cigs!!!!!

annnddd i have --- look !

i've been havin a blast !

i have tons more energy, and feel sooooo much better!  i must say tho - it's all catchin up with me, and i'm gettin tired, but i still don't feel as run down as i did two weeks ago.  and guess what else?  my house and even closet smells better !   i didn't even realize how horrible my house and even car smelled until a day or two after i stopped smoking.  and my closet?  no idea that my closet -- which i share with soulman, smelled like ashes.  poor guy.   no more.

it's not craving free tho -- i can tell ya that... but i will also say -- this is the easiest method i have ever tried to -- and i have every bit of faith in it -- well God can't be left out -- i am NOT gonna smoke anymore.  i also thank y'all for backin me up!  your encouragement means tons!!!  

welp-- i could write all day - but soulkid just invited me to lunch -- she's a workin girl again  :))

of course - i bet she'll talk me into payin'  -- just watch -- :))

anyhow --- talk to me guys -- what's goin on in your worlds ???   i been outta touch -- again...  :((

happy thursday!!!

HAVE A HAPPY-

hiya peeps -

my soul sis requested a story, i don't have one right now - but i'm sure i can come up with somethin when i have more time .  i just wanted to come in here real quick and let ya know i am thinkin of all my mom friends today.  yes sis - that includes you. (btw- call me back!)

ya know , today i have received more 'happy mothers' day's ' - than any other in the past.  i don't know why - but it is very most awesome - in its awesomeness.  obviously my lil soul family would do this - cuz i am z- soul mamma.  :))  but as for friends ?  i don't know about y'all, but i just don't expect this from folks who i am not related to.  so i have to say THANK YOU !!! - big and humble right here.
it means so much this particular year -- i spose because this year, and this past many months, i have had a terrible time dealing with the losses of my two sons.  it has been many years since they 'left ' here.  one would think that a person would just move on already.  some years are better than others i guess.  this past year,  not so much.   today?  no complaints.  i didn't wake up thinking bad or sad thoughts or anything.... but the happy mothers day wishes keep coming ....  and i cannot forget the fact that i am a mom of THREE beautiful babies.   and i also have many - (too many) - friends that i dearly love --- whose message i have to think has that symbolic hug behind it that only a mom who has lost a child knows --
so today i want to say

happy mothers day to ALL the moms out there!!!!!!

but a very special -- happy mothers day to the  moms to the angel babies  --  !  there are no other moms like us!!!

i write this in honor of my angel babies

 Jacob

Patrick

AND

my very special gift from God

Soulkid

and to all of YOU -- 

i love you !!!

PSA -

believe that or not - i really am.. just checkin in...

laterz
love ya

Murphey's Law in full force -

it's cuz i am me - as all of you know -
let's take a walk through the past week shall we?

where should i begin?  ok - i know - let's begin with the most epic of all hair fails of my entire existence shall we ---

my soul man has been my hair man for the past oh so many years . y'all know that.  well, most of you do.  he doesn't cut it - but he has always been the one to hi-lite it.  at least since years ago when i paid almost one hundred dollars to have it done professionally - when we were po' .  surprise !  i had NO idea it cost that much til i was done  :((
so soulman became my hair man - as well as soulkids.  unless of course she did it herself - which i am a no talent at.. for her- or me. 

SO - -- a couple days before my birthday - i decided i wanted to be beautiful to go out with the family on birthday night -- oh shut up!

i also decided - instead of hi-lites -
" let's go 'all - blonde ' this time"....
bad idea -- really huge bad idea ---  :))

see???  an hour later -- this is what i discovered on top of my head --

ok- the only thing more irritating than the orange hair is the sideways photo !

anyhow - that night into the next day - there were several attempts to save my hair - both from soulman - who felt so terrible i can't even tell you... even tho - we both were LOMFAO !!

if i woulda been upset i know he woulda been too - i just wasn't -- it was too funny to be mad.  it reminded myself of those lil hillbilly dolls from the 50's - they were ceramic -- anyhow -- it really was worth a laugh,  to see soulman , and even me laugh like that -- i would go through it again !

so- he tries one or  two more times to get rid of the orange -- no help -- -- i give up! it was late - i go to bed -- 

next day -- soulkid in all her kindness gives it a try ---

it does help -- some of the orange came out and it did tone down some of the screamin flamin orange

 but this is what i ended up with -- TWO days before my birthday outing -  -- 

along with SURPRISE delivered b-day flowers from my mommyson!

my soulkid did a great job i think - but still -- just not ME. this is not soul. i can't be the bitch we all know and love with hair like that.  there is no 'gran - gran' there. don't y'all agree?  

so - i get on the internet - searching frantically for a save my head in a hurry - discount dye job.  surprise! through all this - i found one - only one mile from my house!  same day save me!

the day before my birthday!  

y'all may not understand the importance of THIS particular birthday - for me -- even tho i am an old hag - of 46 -- many of you may not realize that THIS was the one that i finally came to understand that LIFE actually means something.  i was gonna make this b-day special for all three of us lil souls.

(i'll get to that later --) but it is truly unbelievable how close i have come to literally dieing just in the past five years.  the latest being the recent fall in the tub.  as stupid as it was - and may have sounded - as hard as i fell. and as hard as i hit my head -- combined with how ill i was?  that was a near fatal fall.  and i am for once grateful to have lived through a close call.  

SO - back to the hair fail --  i found my savior -- or had i?

 ciggie break in my car -- truly an addict :((

i DID!  it took two hours and a lot of patience from both of us - but she saved my head !  

it wasn't cheap , and i won't be paying a salon any time soon - i trust my soulman .. but i will NEVER let him touch bleach again :))

(i have no now pic - i tried - and i have puffy fish morning face - BAH!)

but it IS back to 'normal' - the brownish normal - 

hi- lites are still in my future- when my fried hair has time to heal  :))

SO -- moooovin on to part two of murphys law joins me for my birthday ??

k - all is goin well , my hair is better, i feel better -- for a minute -- then what?  my legs give out on me.  oh man i can't explain the pain in words -- but i was in hell !!!!  and we had plans -- and nothin was gonna stop me -- not this time.....  we forge on...  

first stop? dinner - a steak house -- i'm gettin my favorite cut -- a rib-eye !  YUMMO -- right?   wrong.  the food comes and my steak is nearly more than well done.  dry as a bone.  soulmans?  omg!!  delicious! perfectly cooked.. juices runnin all over his plate....  soulkids food? of course she loved it.  i don';t cause a scene -- i have a few bites of soulmans steak - and send mine back -- i don't have a ' meal'.   it was fine -- i had eaten an appetizer and salad already - and really it was 'fine - but a steak - properly cooked , woulda been better.  so -= we forge on --  

second stop?  i'm worried i won't be able to smoke at the comedy club where we are headed...  so, we stop at a random store - they are sold out of electronic cigs -  they had menthol-- but i would rather die.

third stop?  another random store - for an e-cig -- not stocked-

fourth stop?  ANOTHER random store - no e-cigs :((

soul is gettin angry -- but holdin steady - 

fifth stop?????  yup- you guessed it --- i go into yet another random store - they don't have an e-cig either--i resign myself and buy a pack of big red chewing gum,  :))

we finally get to the club-- daughter says -- i forgot my drivers license - is that a problem???

-----insert crazy lady laugh here ----- 

(but alas - we are saved because we remember one of had her government ID card. PHEW - that few seconds seemed a lifetime - you know how that is.

so anyhow -- we got into the club no problem --  until -- one last visit from murphy just had to occur - of course it is as you know - because i am me .....

the show was late to get started - so i decide -- to hit the head -- LOL - i just had to say that ! -- i mean i had to go pee - so i head to the bathroom...   the way the place was set up almost was like a scene from a scary movie.  ya go thru this dark hallway to get to the bathroom, at the end -- it's only like 15 ft - or so -- at the end you can see this door - with a tinted window - but ya can see kind of - inside - there is an attendant, and she sees me, and she waves me back.  to go away.  i'm confused.  like WTF? right?  at that time another lady comes in the hallway- and the attendant wanes her to come in.  i ask her have you been here before? she says no. i say wth? she just told me to go away, and you to go in????

dumfounded we both go in....   the attendant says to me 

"i'm sorry, i thought you were a guy, cuz of your hair."

welcome to my world my friends -- 

 my hair looked really good and my family said i did NOT look like a dude.  

the night was the best i have had in a long time - and as far as birthdays?  THE BEST in literally years.

thanks all of you for FB b-day wishes - and phone calls, texts and all that jazz -- i love my peeps 

happy day to all of you ! 

oh - ps --- i just sold my kids car to a junk yard for 300.00  woooooot !!!  blown head gasket.  

i think i should start dating murphy.  what do you think?

jus so ya know i'm still kickin

 here's a 'funny' for you-
just til i have time to really get caught up -

http://youtu.be/jfGvvz7HbAw

 http://youtu.be/52s1-S_I7AE

lost in translation

ok - so - i just left my sisters blog.  she decided it was time for her to 'dis Taurus's.  she recently realized that most of her loved ones have the sign of Taurus.  and that we are all assholes  :))  - yes, i happen to be a Taurus.  as if you hadn't noticed.  HA!
well anyhow, she had told a story of my 19th birthday.  one of which happens to be a very memorable one for me, due to the the fact that i am a person who happens to remember times when i hurt or screw people over - more than when i do good things, or have good times.  yes i know.  that is a horrible way to be.  but that's just the way things are.  SO.  when i read that portion of her blog - what do you think i did?  i said - oh contrair mofrair - aside from my negative mind.  i have photo evidence ! 

and here it IS -  but first - you must obviously read her version first - then my version - to understand the full story - right?  so - i reckon i should copy hers -  HERE:

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
by smocha ---

Picture it ...the olden days.....I think I was 23 years old.


 My dear little sister, Soul, was turning 19 years old.


 I take 3 babies and walk my fat self to the store to buy the stuff to make her a cake. One walking, one tripping over his own feet ,every few seconds and me carrying one 30 pound baby, the whole way.


I get home, whip up the cake and wait for my precious to get home.


Miss Priss arrives home and does not even EAT any of the cake! "Uh, sorry, I have plans with my friends."



Oh I should have learned my lesson back then.




Note to self: Never make a surprise cake for a Taurus EVER again.

Question to self: Why are the most significant people in my life ALL Taurus's? I must be a glutton for punishment.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

SOUL version---


all of this is true --

this is how it went while she was walking with her babies and baking my cake -- that to this day remains special in my mind !  hence the 30 somethin year old photo that is still in great shape for being and instant kodak pic -

ok- i was just turning 19 = obviously - 19th birthday --
i was taking some classes at a local - poor people organization thing... i actually got paid to go to school!   my instructor had bought a cake and the class participated in a b-day thing for me.  i thought that was cool, and i got to take what was left of that cake home.  of course my sis was like oh bummer - i went through all this and this brat comes home braggin about a store bought cake! - bitch.

this is before i knew anything about HER cake.

a little bit later she says you wanna have your cake -- yes i DID insert foot into very large - young - mouth - i said -- "the good one?'
UGH - to this day i remember it like it was yesterday --  the good one -- shame oh shame on me -

BUT i DID TOO EAT HER CAKE !!!!!
SEE??????

sissy -- do you SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE