did i mention i went fishing again today? (monday #4)

well i did. nothin to brag about.. but it was from the creek. that is a good thing.

The Kid"S Got Plans!! (This is a reply to an email i sent my girl)

i love you toooooo.
its okayyyy.

and if you think you miss me too much by wanting to call every hour...
imagine how much i miss YOU by having an anxiety attack.

jitterbug looks like she has down syndrome
:]

and so do you in the picture with sushi
hahahah
:]

so does spot....
our animals are just retarted
:]


are you taking good care of sushiiiiii
:]

i miss sushi
a whole bunchhhhh

she is going to be happy to see me
:D

when i get home
im going to make dad go to pei wei
and get
two orders of 8 crap wontons :]]]]
and my honey chicken
and your coconut curry or whatever
and then im gonna make sushi a little plate
and shes gonna have a wonton
and a peice of chicken
and a tiny bit of riceeee
in a wittle bowl :]
and im gonna cut up her chicken and wonton:]]]
and then
me and you and dad are gonn go to walgreens
to get all kinds of snack food and candy :]
and me and sushi are gonna make a tent
and watch scary movies
because shes my best fwend
:]

and i can tell her anything i want
because she CANT tell anyone :DDD

i love that stupid dog so muchhhhhhhhh
:]]]]

and my new magazine comes out on the day i get back
:DDD
yayyyy

and i dont care what you say :]
im going to force you and daddy to buy me pei wei and snacks and candy and blockbuster and my magazine:]
or i will tackle you
and cut off dads human blanky priveleges
:]]

it will be fun


i love sushi & middnugget
i love our dumbbutt catsssss
and i love you and daddy :]

and make sure sushi doesnt get to sad
and stop eating
:]


sf,skgfjsdlgkjdsg
:]
iloveyouuuuu guys!

while i cruise blogland, and eat, here's somethin to look at..not a fairy :((

I MISS MY BABY !!!

hi all.
well, y'all know my daughter has gone to visit her gramma (hubbys mom) in NM recently. it's her first time away from home for any length of time. well, she actually attempted it one time before, also to her grammas, same one... she was maybe hmmm 8 or 9 ish.... it was to be only five days that time. she lasted three. i drove her out there, and planned to pick her up. well... she was to stay longer than she did, but she didn't make it...i was back...on a plane, cuz my back couldn't handle driving that much that soon... in three days. ugh boy. but, she was much younger, we understood. i stayed a few extra days and made a visit of my own, and all was fine.

well anyhow, this morning, i woke up at like 530... the dogs wanted out...that's always fun... panting, whining dogs at zero dark thirty. not. so i got up , let them out, got coffee goin, all that good first morning routine stuff. as soon as i sat down..i do mean as SOON as i sat down... my phone went off. it sounded like my alarm, so my first thought was , hmm hubby musta set the alarm to go fishin, cuz we had talked about going fishing early , last night. so i look at it, at it was a text msg from my daughter!

"mom, please be up...i'm sick, i can't breath, if you're up call me. please say you're up. i love you."

OMG! she's twelve hours away from me...it was like 430 am there...i knew her gramma and uncle were sleeping. so she's there all "alone" feeling like this. so, obviously, i call her on her cell right away. the poor baby (13, but MY baby) is crying, and hyperventilating, and the relief in her voice in hearing my voice was intense. a deflating balloon, and even more tears, and more hyperventilating. it broke my heart!!! i tried my best to calm her down. i tried to get her to go wake up her gramma but she was afraid she would get mad at her...even though i insisted and KNEW that she would not. she just isn't like that. she wouldn't wake up her uncle either. by now , hubby has heard me on the phone in my own "panic"...and he got up. it was horrible. she is so far away, having a full blown panic attack, and there was nothing i could do !!!

it took at least thirty minutes to get her breathing slowed down. she was still crying, but she could breathe. she was still too afraid to wake up anyone, or even to just go crawl into bed with gramma... by now, i had exhausted everything i knew how to say... so i offered the phone to hubby...he talked to her only for a moment, then i guess his mom woke up, hearing the girl crying etc on the phone, so he ended up talking to her for a while first. so i feel better knowing that she is aware of how my girl is feeling, and they were going to go lay down together. then he talked to our girl, and we will obviously be getting arrangements made to get her home sooner than planned. probably tuesday. the tenth was too long, and we all knew it. but i had no idea it would end with a panic attack...at least not on a thirteen year olds part. geesh. what a way to start my day.

y'all say a prayer for my baby to be ok. she really worries about too much for her age. she worries a lot about me and my health. she worries about her dad...she of course worries about her pets....because we had the one get run over last year... worry worry worry. all that, on top of being plane ole homesick? yep, it's time to bring her on home.

well... on that "happy" note... i think we just may go fish a little and try to ease some stress til we can actually get something about this done.

y'all have good days!

THEY"RE ALIVE !!!!!!

i am a creature of habit. i know i said i wasn't gonna fish at the creek for a while... but i just can't help myself. SO.. that is where i went this morning. and guess what.... i got one. a niiiice one. and only one. but that is fine by me. at least now i know they are still there and still alive! i was soooo happy. hot, and kinda lopsided, by the time i got him... but i was happy to see his big ole mouth!
anyhow.. i was soooo ready to leave , for a long time before i got him. i kept tellin myself...one more cast, one more cast...different color bait... etc.... but finally on about my tenth.. "one more cast"... i got him!
i definitely need a better camera. my daughters has a timer on it...which would be better for me...than holding up big ole fish that don't even fit in the lens... but for now...this will have to do...
LOOK !!!

My Candy Bar Taste Test (friday pt 2)

well, last night i was having a candy bar craving. i decided i wanted a skor. but, i wanted a BIG one. well hubby went in to get it...when he came out, he said they didn't have the big ones so he got one of each.. a heath and a skor. so i said, kool, now i can decide which one i like best. i already had an idea that i liked the skor better. but now came the true test. so... i always save the "best" for last...so i ate the heath first. and actually, it did taste somewhat bland, in comparison to the skor as i remembered it tasting. not as sweet, not as ...well, just not as good. skor tastes a lot more like almond roca...just less nutty. you can taste the butter better in the skor. so... i didn't really like the heath so much...not while comparing it, and knowing that i had a skor sittin there waiting for me.
soooo... i finish the heath bar... and a couple minutes later...i rip into the skor bar. winner, hands down. no wonder they named it SKOR! that is some yummy stuff. the only thing i didn't like in the difference of the two is that skor is a bit more sticky or chewy...harder to get out of your teeth.l..especially if you have a cold drink with it.
but as for taste...
it's SKOR...hands down!!!!
and that's what i have to say about that.
now, i must get busy. lest i never get up from this chair. and that is sooo easy to do sometimes.

Same fish different day

it's all in the presentation. see how just the way ya hold a fish can make it look bigger? is that not cool? he really was kinda short and fat, but the other pic made him look long and kinda skinny...either way...he was a niiice fish. i wish we woulda had the scales!

anyhow... i have to do my crap O' the day... i shall return.

oh btw..you can click these pics to see better...the fish looks even bigger in the enlarged pix. :))

i've been adjusted !!!

takin someones advice and going to adjust my attitude :))

so far, today hasn't been too bad. i must admit i can't force myself away from this doctor resentment though. it's not just the one i had the tag thing with yesterday. that just dug it all up. so i am just stewing in a pot of memories and incidents of the past twelve years of crappy dr's. sso few that could be considered even somewhat good at what they are trained for. ugh.

so anyhow... y'all don't need to hear that..it just helps me to spew sometimes.

i did accomplish some things today...which is good. cleaned my kitchen, did my dishes, laundry, bedroom, livin room, and cooked a good dinner...again. didn't manage to get my calls and stuff done. i don't know why it's so hard for me to pick up the damn phone. i have put off these phone calls for a month...and they are pretty darn important. hmmmm. phone-o-phobia?

anyways... on to the attitude adjustment... i almost forgot all about that part. my senile! i'm gonna go fishin at the pond with hubby in a few minutes. also gonna get a candy bar on the way. i have been craving a candy bar since last night. PMS does that to me. usually i don't eat much sweet stuff. but i want chocolate!

soooo what are y'all doin today-tonight? anything good or bad happen to anyone? anything extremely wonderful that you just must blab about???
tell me about your day...

i hope y'all are having good days/nights

more random shit about me... a meme if you will :)

I know ~ enough to get by

I believe ~ in GOD

I fought ~ too damn hard to get where I am

I am angered ~ by doctors and government systems almost equally

I love ~ my God, my family, my pets, and the people I consider my friends.

I need ~ to get the hell out of debt and stay that way, and a bit more patience in life

I take ~ way too much shit from people, before I speak up.

I hear ~ very poorly

I drink ~ too much coffee and tea

I hate ~ having to see doctors that don’t know…or do shit.

I use ~ hmmmm. The coffee pot first thing every morning

I want ~ a knowledgeable, understanding freakin doctor.. but I don’t think any exist

I decided ~ that today is not a good day to quit smoking…I’m entirely too bitchy

I like ~ my blog pals!... and fishing!

I am ~ a bit of a prude…and a bitch

I feel ~ pretty crappy lately.

I left ~ a lot of people and places behind in my life

I do ~ more than I should. sometimes.

I hope ~ this crap will get better someday

I dream ~ of peace in my life...physical, and emotional..for me and my family.

I drive ~in a state of confusion.

I listen ~ intently ... most of the time...when i can hear.

I type ~ better than i write!

I think ~ entirely too much for my own damn good!

I wish ~ things would smooth out, and just be normal and right for a change.

I compensate ~ for for just about everything with sarcasm , when i can

I regret ~ too much.

I care ~ too much.

I should ~ definitely learn moderation. in everything. money, food, smoking, all of it.

I am not always ~ "with it".

I said ~ more than I needed to. cuz i just cannot shut up!

I wonder ~ about everything.

I changed ~ a lot in the passed ten years. and not so much for the better

I cry ~ less than i used to..

I am ~ a bitch, but i hide it well most of the time.

I am not ~ as assertive as i wish i could be.

I lose ~at most battles i get in.

I leave ~ before i get left...usually.

here are my dogs..... again....see why i missed them?

i'm never gonna get caught up

i have to get off this computer before my brain melts.
i will rearrange, and post other pix latah.
i will also try to get caught up on comments.
if i don't make it to comments, do not feel neglected...just realize, that i am far behind on everything...and my mind is in NM with my child.
i must go get my errands done...have to drive again...gawd! and go pay my rent. crap! etc etc etc.
why can't i just stay in my jammies all day and do nuthing?

Another Weekend Escape

(CLICK NOTEBOOK PAGES FOR EASIER READING..OR YOU WILL GO BLIND!)

(i will scan and post the record photos later..i'm sick of scanning at the moment!)

get my fish brotha man!

(there are one or two of me and the kid...but they are on HER camera.. in NM. :(
it's sooo weird to wake up and NOT go in her room to check on her :{

helloo..anybody here?

i'm almost finished scanning my weekend handwritten blog. fun stuff! NOT!
i will have it up in a few. be patient. it's a lot of stuff.

HI PEEPS !!!! I"M BACK!!!

i missed everybody! i see y'all said hi... even though you knew i didn't even have a computer! how sa-weet of you!!! nice to have a welcome home. :))

anyhow... even though i didn't have acess to a computer to blog with... i am so ate up, and wanted to keep y'all up to date , to such an extent... that i hand wrote at least twenty or thirty pages while i was out there!!! i will warn you now that my handwriting resembles that of a six year old... but i am sure you will survive it. i am going to scan it later, and post some photos too. not many, and mostly of hubby and bro in law fishin. me and the young un didn't really leave the room much. but we had fun.

i won't get to that until fairly late...i'm guessing. because they have to fly out at 7 tonight... gotta get the kids laundry done...then dinner.. then, the lovely drive to dallas... and the dreaded "goodbye" to my hip... i mean, my daughter. :(( then of course, the wonderful, drive back from dallas. i'm never driving again!

ok. anyhow. i'm gonna go TRY and see what y'all have been up to, but may not have time to comment right now. i will get caught up with everyone probably in the morning, when i am able to finally have some down time.

i sure hope everyone is ok, and had a great weekend.

i'm back..for a sec...

was just takin a break... I just dropped my babies off at the kennel. awww. it's horrible to leave them at those places. i always worry about them. especially midnight. she could kick the bucket any day, and i don't want that to happen and me not be there.
now i just need to finish dishes, vac the floor, clean out my car...load the car...and we are outta heah!

ok.. anyhow..i was just checkin to see if anyone had anything to say, but either y'all are busy ...or ya thought i was already gone.

anyhow.. i was wrong..we will be back sunday night, not monday night... so will c ya then.


byeee

i KNOW I am working...BUT

i just jumped on to see if anyone was talkin to me. :) it's an addiction...or obsession. haven't figured out which yet.
but anyhow...i came across this post. i just love to read marks writing. go check this one out.
ok..i'm outta here..still packin. YES...i too wait to the very last second to do such tedious tasks! bad me.
bye.

The Naked Soul "The Magic Of Life"

Soul-Sickness

ya know... i been thinkin...
now, does anything good ever actually come from THAT sentence? written, OR spoken?
just thought i'd ask.


i hate conflict...and i hate doubt...i hate bullshit...and i hate lack of trust. right? oh, and i hate "rejection". it doesn't have to be direct rejection. it just has to be rejection "perceived by ME" ... because I am ME, afterall. right?

so anyhow.. i have been "ill" for what literally feels like weeks... though, it has really been like four days. i don't feel "so" bad this morning. aside from my throat. and i FINALLY got some freakin meds for that. (and the belly etc). but ya know what? i had to go through hell yesterday to get that. HOURS upon HOURS of HELL.

so, back to the "thinkin" thing. maybe my head is just not in the right place right now. lack of food, lack of meds, being literally bedridden and fatigued, in pain, watching the house fall apart around me, feeling guilty because my daughter has been cooped up for a week. perhaps.

then there's the other stuff.. the bills that aren't getting paid, the extra money on meds and doctors going out, did i mention being stuck in friggin bed feeling worse by the day, rather than better? this is not how i want to live.

my brother in law is coming to visit in like one week. (hubbys bro) . my entire house looks like fuckin hell has been turned loose here. i did get a bed for him, like three days or so before i had the GI scope, etc done... yet it remains gathering dust in the garage. "the guest room" still sits begging; waiting to be cleared out and decorated into a bedroom vs. a storage room. the kitchen? don't even ask. i won't even mention the entire rest of the place that is in dire need of attention. so what does all this mean? i am forced to immediately transfer myself, from death bed, to "robo -maid" overnight??? UGH.

this and more really does nuthing good for my frame of mind. and this shit is MY world.

what about BLOG world? can anyone say "mind fuck"? that's what this whole blog thing is becoming for me this past few days. is it my frame of mind? i hope it is. cuz i feel a major NEED to "Step AWAY from the computer" for a while. the petty arguments...the i can be worse off than you, funnier than you, better than you, ... what the hell? (by "you", i don't necessarily mean myself..it's a general statement). you means all of us.

why did i open myself up to faceless people in the first place? i got myself in the middle of places i should have never gotten in front of! or perhaps behind even. and now here i am... all pissed off and confused about people and shit that just plays games with my mind...and it's the same shit that always has. the same shit i said i would never get into again. but here i am, doing the same dumb shit AGAIN.

i hope that i can manage to get my meds going again today, and get some food...solid , nutritional real food...to go down, today.... and STAY there. i hope i can manage to stand on my feet, and sit upright in a chair, and get some cleaning etc accomplished here...without barfing, or fainting.

and i can only hope that it will make a difference.

if not... i just may shut this fucker down, and write my book.

here's a little sumthin sumthin to lighten the atmosphere

y'all have to go read this!

http://tobeme.wordpress.com/

the have a little faith one..posted jul 18.

by: The Naked Soul

awesome stuff!

and so where i have been...and also where i am going. ack!