i'm alive...coulda fooled me

hi everybody!
thanks y'all... for all the well wishes, prayers , thoughts, encouragement... and hopefully that extra cup of coffee you drank for me today...because...for once, i didn't get a headache this time...so who is gonna take the credit for that one? :))

anyhow, i am home... i am alive...and it at this point seems that i will be staying that way. the good news is ...there is NO bleed. the bad news is... i have no idea why i feel so shitty. but anyhow...
let's back up shall we...?

we first get there, do all the papers etc... they didn't make me give them ANY money..WOO HOO. but i will get a bill...for 20 percent...of a still unknown amount. whatever. i like surprises...sometimes.

we got there at 730...got all prepped , vitals, etc, and set up in a room w/hubby for i don't know how long, not long really...they took me in at 945 for the scope. it's not done under anesthesia, it was demerol w / valium i think. which in a way is good... because i don't handle anesthesia well anyhow. BUT... i do have a high tolerance for "drugs". even though the strongest thing i currently take is friggin asperin. (not counting xanax)... so anyhow... one time before... many years ago, i had a procedure done, under this same type of drug...and i friggin woke up! i have literally and seriously been traumatized by that experience. so ever since then.. if i do things like this, i tell them... i have a high tolerance...give me extra. others have... apparently this guy did NOT. know why i know? because i woke up! i didn't know what the hell was goin on. i felt like i had a damn chainsaw in my throat! i choked and tried to pull back and get up, and spit the damn "thing" out of my mouth. i really could have caused him to injure me! i feel the nurses hols me down and someone push the thing back in my mouth...he's telling me he's biopsying my "something"... almost done. i don't care if he's almost done...that shit HURT.
now y'all know, i live every day of my damn life in some sort of pain... head, back, neck, stomach. tooth....name it... if it belongs to me, on one day or another the shit hurts. BUT THIS... OMG... it made me cry! i haven't cried due to physical pain in i can't remember when. maybe the breast lumpectomy may have made me cry. i don't remember. but this shit made me cry. but whatever he was cutting...or pulling..or ripping out of me, was almost finished, cuz it wasn't all that much longer before he did finish. but i still cried for a while. i was still crying even after they went and found hubby to bring in there. it SUCKED! and then they go on to tell me it's gonna be sore for another two to three days. LOVELY. i still have that novacaine feeling in my throat and still feel pain...not as severe of course..... but ... i am fearing the pain. ugh.

so anyhow... i was a cry baby. i still haven't had any coffee. or water for that matter. they said there was a choke risk, so i had to wait til... 11:50 to drink "sips of water"... BULLSHIT!... i'm havin coffee! i even started a pot as soon as we got home. so it would be ready and waiting. but hubby is being a stickler, i just asked him to bring me a cup...he says...it's not 1150..and you haven't had water yet. ooooh...i'm gonna make HIS throat hurt if he doesn't bring me coffee within the next three minutes! LOL

ok... rewind again... as for any results... i don't have any. except that there was no bleeding, and there was some sort of i don't remember how they said it... but my esophagus had been closing/closed??? so the did something to make it wider. (dialated?). that's all i know so far. oh he gave me a rx for something too. but i don't remember what. we dropped it off , hubby will pick it up later.

anyways... i'm falling asleep ... i better get off her. just wanted to check in.
hubby won't give me coffee..til i have my medicine. at first i thought...how mean..i'll kill you. then i took a drink of water. first one since last night. it hurt like hell. good hubby. now i fear HOT coffee in my throat, when cool water hurt me. i think i shall just go to sleep and attempt the coffee later on. maybe

laterz peeps
have good days