i'm up nowwwww - part one -

so anyhow.  where was i ?  oh yeh --- i just remembered , i had a little of this post saved to draft from last night - so lemmee see if or how i can retrieve that -- 

 ok-- i found it -- so below is what i started to write last night before i got too tired ----


 damn, time flies when ya get a life.  i just noticed it's been almost a year since i posted last.  not intentionally, just kinda turned out that way.  my life got really very boring, and aside from that, no one was comin around to read or keep me motivated by commenting.  i know my own lack of enthusiasm didn't help anything... but with no comments, it just all kinda fizzled out.  and so did i.

  facebook has helped me keep in touch with most of you, and oh i appreciate that .  i almost lost all of you.  i did lose some.  thank God, not all.  because even though many of us met through these pages -- you have left footprints on my soul that will never leave. 

i will accept my part in any destruction in 'our' relationship issues.  but please, if it was due to my isolation, give me a chance to try to make it right.  in most if not all cases - i have already begun reach out and make amends- . 

even in the most 'damaged' relationship - there is light, after a very long 'separation' .  and that makes me happy.  i think there is some trust issues on both sides at this point, but it's early.  it's to be expected.  and that's ok.  it's all ok with me.

if it's  ok with y'all.  i'm still the same soul i was before.  maybe even a little better in some ways.   i guess i sure can't be any worse, right?

so anyhow -- i know i am already babblin like a brook.  i haven't written anything longer than a facebook post since i wrote on here last.  not for lack of desire.  just -- i don't know -- writers block?  nothin to say? no one to say it to?  not a thing goin on worth writing about?  well, that last part isn't entirely true.  i have actually been very busy lately.  and there has been a ton of stuff i could have been writin about -- for months.  i really wish i would have been writing.  there's been a million things goin on this past year or so. good bad and indifferent.  and it would have been great to share a lot of it with y'all.

i still want to write 'my book'.  yep, that damned book.  i think about that book so often this last couple years.  i just don't know where or how to start.  maybe i need a ghost writer.  or someone to take dictation.  uuughh.  i don't know nuthin bout birthin no book !  :))  it will happen tho.  someday, before i die, i will write my book.

so anyways -- speakin of not knowin how to start a book ---- i don't know how - or where to start this post either.  i could start by telling you that this passed month has been , i'll bet, the worst, all around, physical, mental, and emotionally bad month , for me -- in a very long time.  as in years , long time.  starting maybe in the second week of October -- and it's still hard.