I'm so confused... Do you see me on Google ?

Mornin  people.
I just attempted to reset the google  thing.  I guess it used to be google reader but now it's something else.  Yes, i have been away too long.  Anyhow.. If someone wants to tell me what's up with all that , i'd appreciate the help.

so, yep, looks like i'm back.  or at least attempting to be.  i know i owe you all a visit -- or a million. i will be making my rounds - as best i can.   from the looks of things , facebook has taken over.  i look at my sidebar and most haven't posted a blog in 6 months to over a year .  that's too bad.  i hope that when i start cruising around i find that more of you are keeping up.

believe it or not, i still, through all the time and distance, think of all of you.  even the ones that i don't interact with at all anymore.  it isn't like someone killed anyone or something.  there is still a place in my heart and mind for every one of ya.  and i don't really mind how you feel , or what if anything you do about that.  i just want you to know that i haven't forgotten about you.  and also, even though communication, in the traditional, or even - facebook, or blog way -- has been slim pickins ---- you all in your own way , --- something you said to me , or a way you made me feel at some point in time --- literally saved my life in this passed couple years.  i could have easily given up.  a thousand times over - i could have just thrown in the towel.  but i didn't.
maybe it was 'your story'.. a loss of your own.  maybe it was a word or a thousand of encouragement you had given me in the past -- or even at the time i needed it ... during a situation i was in at the time.  even simple as during a game of words with friends --- something that made me laugh ///  it may have been the only laugh for me in a full week, at that time.   maybe it was a prayer you said -- or even just that you said you would pray for me.  you gave me HOPE, in some way.  no matter how big or how small... that hope , turned to faith,  and that faith turned into my being alive today.

you helped me heal.  you helped me forgive.  you helped me love.  you helped me live.

you have only a fraction of information of what i have been   going through for the last couple years.  but as i write here, you may learn more -- or maybe we can just move forward together.

just know that you never left ... i never left really either.  i always thought of you, prayed for you, and wanted the best for you.  i cheered you on when i saw struggles and joy on any posts online - weather you knew it or not.   and in my darkest hour i heard you whisper to me that i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me .... in my toughest times i heard you remind me that i am a survivor -- and nothing will keep me down. 

"when i put before you life and death ... choose life"

i did that.

i'm glad i did.

for once, in many many years, i am happy to be alive.  i am happy that i have you and others in my life.  for the good times and the bad. 

today, i know the difference between being sad for a while, and letting myself sink into a deep depression.  lately i am sad , because i lost my pets.  and i had a tough few weeks.  we got the ashes of Sushi and Jitterbug back yesterday... we will have closure soon, and move on.  

my gratitude list today is far better than my "attitude' list.   i could easily be angry and resentful. and bitter right now, over many things.... one in particular , that i could throat punch someone over :))  ----  but nope....  my life has much good in it today -- many good people in it, and i will go on,  because that is what people who LOVE me want for me.

i hope you all have a happy happy happy day today in your worlds -

i will see you soon...