ola folks -
what's happenin in your worlds these days? i would like to say the same ole 'not much in mine' - but i'd be lieing. it's about all i can do to not cry 24-7 these days. i try to be tough ole soul and hold it in - when that fails - i get in the tub -- for about an hour - or more and just get wet with the rest of me. in an attempt to fool even myself. i'm a mess. i know i shouldn't be. i guess i just can't help it anymore. the worst part? nothing is going on that hasn't gone on before in my life. i guess it's all happening at once this time.
well, the new thing is that i have learned that my husband is not invincible. i have never been faced with him having health problems. until now. everything is borderline. but it is all very serious. recently, we have learned that he is 'pre-diabetic'. i reckon it can be 'postponed - or reversed. by diet and exercise. but since it does run in his family - i am very concerned as to his pre disposition, and current 'condition'. it just may be inevitable for him. that 'diagnosis - plus his recent EKG - showing a 'possible - 'blockage - the reality that he might become ill at some point - rocked my world.
he had a 'stress test ' this morning - the initial report - came back 'ok'. but i'm not feeling so steady yet with that. we still have to wait for the final report .
then there's his 'foot'. i mentioned that he had surgery on his foot a while ago. the worst part of that was he accidentally bumped the dishwasher only days after the surgery- and the 'pin' got bent, and had to come out weeks sooner than planned. well- now - he has to have the surgery repeated . very soon, and this time- because it didn't heal properly - even worse than planned .. it will be SIX weeks NO weight bearing on his foot ! that is gonna be a major issue with work -- and everything else. the date isn't set yet for surgery -- but it is inevitable - and must be done ASAP, due to vacation plans and other things we have going on.
all this -- and we are in the worse financial situation we have been in since i can't even remember.
BUT --- here comes some GOOD news !!!!!
you ready ? (it is stressful for me - due to my level of pain - but we all know i can handle that - even tho i'm worried to death of it--- BUT
the soulkid is going back to audition for x-factor !!!! yup it's all planned out and reservations are made for her and i to go to austin in march for her to try again !!!! i have no doubt that she will make it this time! last year i watched the show and i was so mad that they had such bad people on that show -- she is so much better than that . my faith in her is over the top !
my faith in me? has me in tears. i am afraid i will embarrass her in some way. i think i will need some sort of walking aid. a push walker- with a seat, or a wheelchair - maybe even a electric scooter. i so hate the idea. i just can't do the lines etc. i cannot stand up that long. and i hate that - for her. i 'look' perfectly fine. but i'm not. i tried to talk to her about all of this today . her reply was ' if your this worried i would rather go alone' wow.
i'm just a mess.
but that's why ya haven't heard from me -- lots goin on.. but not much to say really -- without sounding like a mess.
i just wanna be normal --
i wanna go out to lunch --
13 comments:
Sorry to hear you aren't having the best time right now. I hope you and the hubby feel better soon.
As for the kid, it's a parent's responsibility to embarrass them. At least that's what I tell mine.
good to see ya here -- you can always make smile -- you should come around more often -- but, yup i know. bad me. don't take it personally. i owe a lifetime of apologies.
hope your day is good to you frank :))
I do come by and read, I'm just horrible at responding. It's something I've been working very hard to overcome.
I still think my comments are lame as hell but I'm posting them anyway.
nothing you, or anyone else has to say is lame. y'all are really my only contact with the world and you mean alot to me. i need to post and comment more , i need to let y'all know i'm still here.
i'm not always 'a mess'
:))
sometimes i can be a 'hot mess"
Hey Hot Mess, you are being to hard on yourself. It is very stressful when your spouse is sick and facing health problems. Your not made out of stone you can be worried and sad. I have had some of the same problems and dx with J. If soul man can go to a dietician he should go. It helps some and shows the right portion size etc and what needs to be ate on a diabetic diet. I worry a lot about diabetese because \I seen it help kill my fahter but it doesnt have to be a death sentence if one pays attention and eats proper and takes care of themselves. I just wish you would get a break and the same with your family. Money related things alone or enough to make anyone cry. Your normal with those feelings. I hope soulkid the best also with making her dream come true.
So sorry about Hubby's condition and I know you still don't feel good.
But I Know you're busting at the seams with pride about your daughter!
Hang in there!
hughugs
Pre-diabetic, questions re the EKG, and pending surgery - that's a LOT to handle at one time. Knowing hubby is pre-diabetic dictates the challenge to bring blood sugar levels back into range. Passing the stress test is a good sign. (A stress test would be enough to make me want to lay down and quit!!) The surgery with six week recovery is really tough. Darn it all - when it rains it pours. I'm so sorry that you all have such a crisis with everything happening at once.
I'm glad that SoulKid is going to Austin to compete again. I vote for a walker with a seat for you. An electric scooter is cumbersome and not easily used everywhere. And, YES, it is our God given right - and responsibility - to embarass our kids.
LBF, I'm thinking of you and wish you only the best. Remember to take care of yourself as much as you can. Love to you.
This post really touched my heart Soul Sis, because it's you being you, and that's the blogging we've all done best - just being ourselves good and bad. When you tell us what's happening it gives us a way to connect, and to care, and a list to pray about for the praying folks. And we both know that writing it out is some of the best therapy money can't buy!
I can so relate to your fears about Soul Man and worry over the medical issues he's facing. As you know, John had a heart attack three years ago with a 99% blockage in one artery. He is now the proud owner of two stents and medication for a lifetime. I pray it's a long one! Heart issues and live's cut short because of them play prominently in his family so there is never a day I don't treasure the time I have with him (and secretly fear that one day I won't have him.) The thought is paralyzing. I know you feel that way too. At least you have some warnings on things to get working on - diet and exercise for the Soulman, and getting that poor foot repaired and healed. I bet it causes him endless pain the way it is now. We also both know that we have to take life one day at a time, and God gives us the grace to get thru it, though not always gracefully! :-) Please keep us posted!
I hear you on the tight finances too. I am still on probationary pay at work, which is low to begin with, and the rising price of gas is killing us with the 100 miles total we put on our vehicles combined each day. Our house is paid for, thank God, we'd be living under the bridge if it weren't! It is hard not to worry, again... one day at a time.
I am excited about Soul Kid's audition. I am so proud of her for having the courage and self-confidence to give it a second try. Just the experience itself is invaluable and a step in the direction of a career. I am so hoping she will be chosen! Definitely get a walker with a seat. I'd kill to have one some days! I can't do endless standing in lines, my back, knees and feet can't bear it. Being there to love and support her is a GIFT to her, don't stress about it, just do it, and she can get over any embarassment it may cause. Really, kids are sooo self-focused. I guess we all were at that age! I remember thinking my mom's "walking shoes" were sure ugly compared to the pretty heels she wore to church (which probably killed her to wear). Now I wear ugly walking shoes every day and they feel so good!
The important thing is for you to take care of yourself. Being depressed facing so much is almost a given, but you are on the righ track with blogging... sharing helps! We've got your back Soul Sis! Spring and fishing season are just around the corner... brighter days ahead! Love you much XOXO!
PS - "Some people" leave the longest damn comments... fill up the whole page! Sorry.. hehehe :-)
Oh my...hon!! I'm so sorry to hear all of this. You know you're in my thoughts whether you post or not.
I'm sure it's going to all work out, but I know it sucks right now. It's good you can have a big ole cry...that will help. Hubby is a strong one and he'll do fine.
Ya know I love ya...
Please give soul kid best wishes from me and this is so exciting!!!
I want to encourage you to look for the things you have that are wonderful. If you focus on those things, your trials will be a tiny bit better. Your daughter has huge possibilities! Yeah!!!!!! You have a stable husband who can help you with everything, and you love him. He loves you. I want to help you look at the positive side, then your body can give you good endorphins. I know life gets very hard. I'm sorry for that for you at this time, but I know you can find a bit of happiness and build from that. I want to help push you to look at the part of life that says, " You can be a participant in making things better. It's not done and said."
I saw you sing and dance, I know you can do that again, even in trials. Let us watch you do that again!
luv Eva
I'll be back ...... Ditto all that.........that the other peeps said,
No man is invincible...just realized that myself.
Every thing that is wrong with Soulman IS within his control.DON'T claim Disaster!
Encourage and help him to do what needs to be done.
Love me
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