finally it's friday !

howdy folks! man i tell ya-- i have never looked so forward to a friday in my life. phew.
ok. i'm sure that isn't entirely true. but this has been one for the record books. i cannot believe how tight the money has been almost this entire past week. since sunday or monday. sunday was my spending spree. actually, i guess i should say the END of it.
holy crap peeps. i am so miserly. y'all who've been around a while know that about me. i don't mind spendin money on soulkid -- i do -- but i'm so used to it-- it only bothers me when we have something planned , or needed, and she still has her hand out. the girl has zero concept of the american dollar. no matter how hard we've tried to teach her. she still thinks it falls from the sky. (sigh). she will learn someday though. she surely will. we all do. right? and it aint always easy. poor girl.

so anyhow-- how i got there, i have no idea. just did. how i get anywhere-- i never know. bleh.

anyhow-- yeh. friday = today = payday! finally. what a relief. man i tell ya. i have avoided even lookin at the checkbook, between monday -- and yesterday. yes, i know-- i usually spend hours each day in that book. by my neglecting it-- and fear of it -- not only did i find two more late bills.. maybe three actually. i also realized -- i was in the dangerous RED zone. i had to transfer money from our summer vacation savings to checking ASAP. i had a near heart attack. my checking account has not been that low in several years. and if i hadn't noticed that balance at that time? stuff woulda bounced from here to canada. :(( so i got the money transferred online, and rechecked the balance--- total balance after that/ plus the two late bills? = $17.29 !!!
horrible. just horrible i say. i so do not waste money this way. i bet i totally blew over a thousand bucks in a week. easy. it'll take years for me to recover from the guilt of my stupidity. i feel poor and afraid when i get to 100.00 or even 200.00 in the bank.
if i get forced into savings or credit cards? just pass the tissue. cuz i'm done for. i never ever want to live like i used to. really. it's been so awful at times in my life-- i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. and when i think i see it comin? flashbacks and fear paralyzes me. i am usually so much more responsible.

ok -- i'll stop. why i'm goin on and on about this is beyond me. i told ya -- well someone.. this blog is where i dump my guilt -- pass your plate? have some? :))

anyhow-- yep - today is friday and it's payday, and i feel better already. well, mentally. physically, that's another story. i woke up at 2 a.m. today. yep-- as in UP. outta bed, and up up-- drinkin cofee , takin meds, chain smokin UP for the day UP. i even help soulman gather and take out the trash for garbage day.. at like 6 somethin in the mornin. ugh, there was a lot too. where the hell does it come from. eegads. i hate trash-- and laundry-- and frickin pumpin gas -- every day i age- i hate it even more. and i don't know why that is. it never bothered me before -- well, before i turned 40. then it was all over with. i just hate it all. and bras. and washin my car. i hate everything. guess i'm just a bitch, and gettin worse by the minute. and ya know, i don't think i really care. other folks might. but i have a bedroom i can live in if they don't like me. i've lived in it before. :))

so anyhow-- guess what i'm fixin ta do? seein as i am tired as hell, but not able to go back to sleep (right now)... and the fact that i woke up at 2-- soulkid was STILL awake-- so is still now sleepin.. after God knows when fallin asleep.... and soulman, of course is at work... aaaand i have already done a lot of my paperwork, bills and bank etc-- yepppers--- kids asleep -- and if i didn't mention it-- we got a alarm on our house a couple weeks ago-- so i feel better leavin her here alone-- anyhow--- i am gonna pack up a couple rods and tackle -- and i'm takin myself to the pond. we've been to broke to leave the house for almost a week... and i'm tellin ya -- i must get outta here -- and i really need some me time. soulkid is STILL not in f'n school! we found a charter school that we're tryin to get her into-- it sounds better for her and should move faster for her-- and help her make up all this lost time and grades etc faster-- IF they'll get off their ass and get her enrolled ! "they're waiting on her package from admin" -- geesh if i knew it would take this long-- i woulda hand carried the shit over!
uuuuggggghhhhh.

so anyhow.
that's what's happenin here-- what's up in your world?

oh - almost forgot-- now that we feel a little bit richer :)) tonight we're goin to see 'date night' at the movies and gonna go to outback to eat dinner. i need me a steak mate :))

already had my 'boost' for breakfast-- and last night i ate a burrito as long as my forearm-- no idea how i fit it all in me-- but i sure was hungry :)) it'll take a week to digest that damn thing.

ha--

happy weekend to ya --

laterz