and then there was me

howdy folks --
what it be like?
not too bad here. just makin my 'list' for the day. it gets longer by the second, and that kinda intimidates me. why? well, cuz i haven't been very successful with lists lately. or much at all really. this past month has been a tough one. it's alright tho. i feel a come-back in me. i really do. this past week, i have been doin a lot better in the area of responsibilities round the soul-crib. it took a lot of self-abuse, and loathing. but things are lookin up.

i see success on the horizon. this makes me feel good, and more 'myself'.
i also see a little light at the end of the looooong tunnel, as the news of soulkid going back to school has finally come in. just the hint of 'getting my life, and routine ' back; makes me giddy :)) y'all may think i don't have much of a life to begin with -- but trust me -- i actually do. and the way it has been, with things the way they are -- it has been very hard for me, in the area of motivating-- and even thinking. did someone say 'relaxing'? oh no. that rarely happens. in fact, just yesterday -- and i place no blame -- this is completely me and my medical state -- but -- i had actual plans to be productive -- even tho- yes i did go back to bed for a couple hours after i posted -- but none the less ... when i got up-- within an hour... i was in full blown panic mode. as in panic attack ! in need of medication. i need my time alone folks. i really do. i am so not used to being around 'people 24/7. just not. i cannot mentally, or physically handle it. yes i do realize i am speaking of family. i love my family more than anything in this world. i have dedicated my life and world to my family- and anyone who reads these pages knows this. but really. i'm not a talker-- i'm not a go places-er. i'm not a fighter. i'm a leave me aloner. soulkid on the other hand talks---- and talks and talks .. and goes and goes and goes. and she expects the same from me. she does not understand the concept of chores, or not having to be going somewhere or spending money every single minute of every single day. she needs to talk all the time, if i am blogging or doing anything on the puter and not giving her EYE contact when talkin to her -- it's an argument. anytime she doesn't have 100 percent of my attention - when she wants it-- it's an argument. when she doesn't get her way it's an argument . i swear-- she's 4 years old half the week , and 24 the other half. i love her and you know it... but i am not used to this... and after all this time-- i apparently will not get used to it.

i spose you have heard enough of that? well so have i. pardon my rant.

guess what? today is my birthday :)) but y'all know that already. it was fun to see all the happy birthdays on face-book. i replied to all of em too. thanks guys. y'all are such great people. what did i do to deserve you? whatever it was-- i hope i do the same for you. i do sincerely care for each one of ya. if that means a hill a beans ? i really do. uniquely so. i don't group anybody. you're all yourselves, and i love ya for that.

so. about the big plans for the big day? i WAS able to talk soulman down from the big money tree :)) it was bad enough at first, when i thought we were talkin 'maybe' 200-ish to go see train in concert- and get a room, to save my body the extra hours on the car ride home. but noooo. last night , he goes to make all the purchases on line-- tickets , room, etc... comes to look like over 300.00 --- NOT counting food, gas, etc. i put my scrooge foot down... as anyone who knows me knows i would. this is the kinda money that never gets spent on me. with or without my knowledge -- but with my knowledge? oh hell no. i wouldn't agree to that in a milion years. unless i needed a car or a fridge or somethin. right? so... we finally settled back -- to the fishin thing. y'all know i am easy to please. i don't need money to be happy. really. i just don't . never need jewelry or fancy crap... i'm happy when the bills are paid and i have food in the house, and soulkid is happy with what she gets or has, and soulman feels successful, and that he isn't working for nothin. that's what makes me happy.
so yeh. a fishin we will go. i just don't know where yet. there could be a hotel involved. but that's doable. in fact - i still have that free hotel deal from our buggy night in austin. -- remember that? they comped us-- turned out when they mailed me the coupon-- it's for anywhere -- not just that hotel in austin, like the girl said.

so- there ya go.

oh -- here's what i woke up to -- along with a full pot of hot fresh coffee. go soulman.



and with that i bid you a happy day in your worlds... i have a lot to do today. some involves uncle sam -- 2006. bleh. but i did find someone to help- i just have to get it in the mail. other stuff is about soulkids paperwork for school .
other is bank and bill stuff. and takin soulmans stuff to the cleaners. you don't wanna hear this do ya?
ok, i will spare ya the deets. but a busy day.

i shall be around later on.... after i do my thang----

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee