well, it looks like my hubby made it to our nephews' place in jacksonville a little while ago. he stopped in pensacola for the night last night- and went on through to jax this morning.
i wish my body wasn't so against me at times like this. i would have loved to go with him. i can barely make a round trip to dallas and home though, before my body turns against me and lays me out for the rest of the day.i used to love to travel. driving was my favorite thing to do. i can't even guess how many arguments i've been in with people-- even my stez, over who 'got to ' drive.
now i do anything in my power to NOT drive. i don't even want to drive the three or four miles to the kids school. i really resent who i've become over the years.
i do.
so anyhow-- today is superbowl sunday-- number -- something. i don't even know. and i really don't care. i won't be watching the game. does that make me 'unamerican'? i hope not. it's just another 'thing' in life that i have lost interest in.
up until a couple years ago - it was a tradition, like that of most other folks in this country--- even overseas-- in the navy-- i remember we got the day off-- to watch the superbowl ! correct me if i'm wrong-- 1986 - giants and broncos. haha denver-- the team i love to hate.
we also had the day off to watch the superbowl-- at that very same duty station-- 1990- again-- denver -- ugh-- vs the 49ers.
denver lost both games hahahahahaha
but-- that was then- and this is now. no barbecue goin, no chicken wings- wingin. no chips and dip- no friends comin over- the tv isn't even turned on- and what's 'worse' -- i don't even know what time the game starts.
hubby isn't here -- so i won't even be makin snacks for him. or gettin ready to at least watch the 'commercials'. which is the only thing i watch anymore-- if at all.
man, life has changed so much.
i wonder so often what it would be like if i hadn't fallen on bad health.
would i still have 'gone mental'?
would i still be 'on the run' from sun up til sun-down?
would i still be the front runner-- rather than the one that everyone leaves behind?-- or has to wait for.
where would i be in life?
would i still be fixing airplanes?
maybe managing people who do?
i could be doing anything i want to do right now-- had things not turned the way they did. when they did.
but--- like they say--
everything happens for a reason.
today seems to be one of those days that i just wish i knew what the reason was-- so i could do something about it-- and maybe get on with my life.
i'm sick of holding people back.
i'm sick of being stagnant
i'm sick of being sick
with that-- i'll shut my cry baby pie hole-
happy sundays y'all
4 comments:
I have a lot of the same questions/emotions. You just go on faith...faith that everything will work out, and yes....that everything has a reason. In the meantime, keep hold of your sense of humor...sometimes its the only thing that pulls you through. Hugs, C
{{{{{hugs}}}}}
I feel for you darlin'. I hope to get some easement from these rehab folks so I can get some of my life back if for no other reason than to be able to kick ass and take names around here!
It's OK to vent. You're missing what you had and you're sad. And who knows what could have been/would have been if bad health wouldn't have come your way? You don't know. And you can mourn it. And do the best you can with what you have. A husband who seems to be such a good guy. A daughter you love. Etc...Blessings along with the bittersweet. I love to drive. Can't imagine not doing it. And I'm all about the commercials tonight. The game? Not even looking up from the laptop :)
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