what to do- what to do?

hiya peeps-

what's goinin on?

here?
well, i have a list of to do's as long as my arm... BUT-- you saw that comin didn't ya?
yeh, i thought ya might. well, i do. my list has been growing and growing lately. as you might have figured out by now. i'm surprised i'm not molding-- like the sloth that i am.
good lawd i have been so severely lazy. there's just no other word for it, unfortunately, and honestly-- i've run out of excuses.

i have to come clean here-- yes. i have periods of relief from the pain. it may not be long periods-- but i could damn sure find the strength to clean the kitchen-- which i have not done in a week-- actually longer-- hubby does it-- but he has been busy-- so the dishes haven't been washed in maybe 5 days. wait a minute-- y'all know , we've gone out to eat several times-- it's not as bad as you would think-- but yes-- it's bad-- it NEEDS to be done. and I should do it -- TODAY.
will i? i don't even know the answer to that. but i know that i should. and i know that if i don't i oughtta just be horsewhipped!

i do the basic picking up of things- i mean we aren't living in hell or anything.. BUT-- i haven't been upstairs-- yes-- that is because of my legs-- but God knows what it looks like up there. all i know is when sushi comes in from outside-- or comes out of her crate-- or whatever-- she RUNS up those stairs like there's a fire down here-- i do not know what's up there that she is in such a hurry to get to. and honestly? i don't want to know. my guess? FOOD. scary-- nasty- rotten food. eeewwweeee.

back me up on this people-- when we bought this house-- both of them promised me-- i would have no need to go up there-- they knew it was a problem for me to use the stairs-- and they would keep it clean and nice . remember that?
it aint happening. and it's pissin me off.

oh-- wanna know what else? this really chapped my hide. again, this is a cuz we're us thing--- again. oh man. y'all know how i am with my money phobia right-- or lack of-- fear of lack of -- whichever. well, i have recently-- finally, been able to stash a little cash in savings. finally i can breathe. right? wrong. yesterday, stez tells me -- he soooo didn't want to. but , i have been wondering and wondering, why the check he used for the down payment on the 'new' truck hadn't cleared yet-- well, i think we found out why. he tells me the truck place called him, and there was a problem. that is not my favorite word. 'chillax' is my favorite word. that word (problem) did not make me chillax)-- it made me panic. come to find out-- when he was doing the financing on the new truck-- the old truck place-- gave him the wrong pay-off amount. meaning---- we NOW have to come up with almost 600.00. yes. now.
know what that means? after i stole the 300.00 for my medical procedure-- and now the 600-- for the truck.... we have nuthing left in my stash.
woo-fuckin-hoo !!!!
save a nickel - spend a dime.
always.
what do i have to do to save a little money around here? it just never happens. i try , and i try, and i try. and somethin always comes up that i need to steal it back.
ugh. i could barf.
now it's gonna take me two hours to figure out if i had that money in the budget for stez's florida trip. cuz of course i don't remember. if i did-- i think he's a bit screwed.
and if i didn't-- well, i'm still pissed at having to use it. it felt good to finally save some money.

i need an accountant. i'm bad with money even when i think i'm not. wth? give a gal a break.. money gods.

ERG.

so-- know what else? guess what the temp is today ? the high for today is gonna be over 70 !!! y'all KNOW what i wanna do. dontchya? yep, you guessed it. i sooooo wanna go fishin. i have been thinkin about it aaaallll morning long. it's a little drizzly out-- but it isn't cold at all. in fact - i should have all my windows open airing this smoke filled dungeon as we speak. i don't tho. noooo sittin in the dark. like the vampire that i am. bleh.

what's wrong with me?

haelp meeeeeeee.

i just can't get myself to moooooove. i know what i need to do. (get a drivers license-- get my damn car registered before i get a ticket--clean my kitchen, do my taxes). i know what i should do. (pick up rx's, wash my car, go to the store, work on my neglected bank) i know what i want to do--- (fish, get my hair cut, and colored)--

i also sort of know what i will do--- sit on my ass, right where i am- chainsmoke, and accomplish not one thing that i mentioned. feel like shit for it. which will feed my depression, and pain. which will feed the cycle-- that continues, day by freakin day.

cattle prod? did someone say they have one? can i borrow it please?
ok-- stun gun? got one?

alright people--- i've bored you long enough--
i hope you have wonderful , and productive days in your worlds :))
i will-- i'll DO somethin-- don't know what it is-- i'll let ya know-

laterz- :))

i want him :))