cold coffee and my neverending to do list

well, here i am, sittin in the dark. not to mention the cold. i don't think i noticed, until i moved into this house, just how much difference carpeting makes in the temperature of a home. we have wood floors / tile throughought -- and i'm freezin dammit. i have no idea what the temp is outside, but i do know it's cold. damn cold. and i'm sittin next to a window, that may as well be open. theres a damn breeze comin through-- but it's shut. somehow i either didn't notice this last year-- or it didn't do it. but man we're gonna have to get some plastic over this big ole window this winter.
OOOH i bet i know what it is--- i'm already flippin freezin all the time-- now i'm on damn blood thinners. holy crap! i bet i am gonna have cry babyinist winter EVER. oh gawd. i beg forgiveness in advance. i just might need a "hot" bed warmer fairy y'all :)) -- anybody have one???

y'all know what SAD (seasonal affective disorder ) is don't ya?? well.. for anyone who missed my lovely 3 month long crybaby attack last winter-- prepare yourself. i have that. i hate winter. i hate cold. i hate bein bundled up--goin outside -- wearin a coat-- sleeves-- anything bulky. and the smell of the heater makes me want to throw up--and it turns my skin into rhino hide.
it's just plane depressing. y'all think i'm agoraphobic now? (to a extent)-- see me in the winter.
i avoid the elements at all costs. winter makes me hateful !! it's like constant pms. i don't want to be that way-- but that's how i've been for many years.



i bet i haven't enjoyed the cold since i was a kid. and i know i haven't enjoyed the holidays for at least 10-11 years. maybe even longer-- but that was when i admitted it. i'm a scrooge-- i wish i didn't even have to be around anyone for these two months--- people who know me , and know why i feel that way --- i think they "want" to understand. i just don't think they do-- or can. or maybe they just don't want to. they just want me to be un-scrooged.
but how do you do that-- after so many years?
i could insert my psycho-analysis here and make more sense-- but i won't-- so call me "cryptic" if you must. sorry.

anyhow--this last week or so , i have been wonderin, wth did i USED to write about???? i really think it wasn't all medical, all the time. i joked, and told stories, and seemed to have a lot more sustenance to what i had to say here. at least i think i did. i dumped most my archive a while back, so don't really have it to look back on...well-- it's on a disc-- somewhere. i just don't have the extra energy to waste looking for it. too much work to do. right now. i'll get to it. then i'll prolly kick myself. just lately-- it's the hilite around here. everyday it's something medical goin on.

like right now. i woke up at 530-- an hour ago-- do i feel alive? chipper? happy? rarin to go after a long nights sleep? well, no. of course not. i want to go back to bed. wth is up with that?? i just got UP. ERG.

but-- on the lighter side? i got an unexpected call from my endo doc yesterday-- well the office. they said i had an appointment today. i didn't have it on my schedule. that could mean that when i went in the wheelchair a couple weeks ago they made a follow up, and maybe i forgot---- OR= it has somethin to do with the thyroid CT results etc. cuz i don't know anything about it. and of course the receptionist didn't either. hmmm. it would be nice to know something about that today. good or bad-- i don't like NOT knowing anything. and i just get mad waiting.
you will be glad to know-- i have stopped researching that at least but i am having symptoms. mostly energy probs-- and appetite probs. which could be post PE crap. so. hell if i know.
i do know it is all just a pain in my ass. so anyhow-- i see endo today-- and hopefully will have some answers on my thyroid-- or at least a new direction to head in.

POD today? finish laundry-- yes, believe it or not, there's more. mostly towels now.. maybe three loads. i did about five or six loads of clothes yesterday-and the night before. a death defying act. ugh. how that happens is beyond me. it looks like NO clothes have been washed since i went in the hospital.. but i KNOW soulman has done laundry-- there just was TONS of it in there. if i had more strength, i would have gone to the laundry mat. but there was no way. but-- almost done. with that at least. then it's on to bigger and better things-- one room at a time. i have designated walls and pet messes and littler box and of course her room, to soulkid, soulman volunteered for the kitchen :)) , so, that means i get the rest. yippee. it leaves a lot-- but at least i have willing help.
i managed to keep the landlord away from here yesterday to sign the lease-- but she said she wants to pick it up after soulman signs it--- nooooooooooooo. i didn't want her to come over here and force me to clean. but i understand. i know she needs to check on the house-- and actually there are a couple things i need to show her--- like the damn leaking ceiling! with stains. UGH.
double UGH. sooo--- i informed the family-- y'all need to get busy-- pick a room and CLEAN it..
hmmmm. surprisingly-- they agreed. i think they know i'll jump offa bridge if this place doesn't get cleaned up. it's not that terrible , it's jjust the buildup ya know-- it's needs a good sweep and mop-and scub, and dust and vac.. the hard stuff. the easy stuff, almost done. oh lawd i hate bein so far behind on the house.

it would be so much easier to just knock it down
or move.
but, that isn't an option.
dammit.
so, cleaning frenzy, here we come.

well.. doesn't that sound like great plans for a tuesday?
what's your plan o' the day?

have a good one-