a pinch of this a dash of that

guten morgen peoples--

here i am..
how are you--

i've been sittin here for a couple hours, doin nuthin really. or at least nuthin productive. i paid a couple bills, and i looked for a video that i wanted to post here-- apparently it doesn't exist. i found the lyrics, and i found the song-- but that just isn't the same, so - oh well. i just won't won't put it up. unless someday i decide to put the music to my own slide show someday. and actually, that doesn't sound like such a bad idea right now. i'm sure i have-- or could take , plenty of fitting photos for this particular song.

sooo, anyhow- today is saturday-- so if anyone has their questions ready-- or plan to send any for soulman-- get em in. he hasn't mentioned a deadline time-- and of course today is a day off, and he is asleep-- so i'm sure he'll be fine with a evening answer post for the questions. so, just try to get em in giving him time to get to a couple here and there, and not all at once--- k?

this oughtta be fun. i've been lookin forward to this all week.

speaking of all week-- we had also been looking forward to getting away this weekend-- to our timeshare-- but not "ours".. another "sales pitch BS thing. but we had the damn place confused with one that was close to ours-- which is only like an hour or so from here. well when hubby confirmed the reservations on thursday-- he was told it was one down by fricking Houston !!
when he told me that-- i was like -- oh hellno.
i refuse to drive that far. he said they'll charge 50 bucks to cancel. i said -- it'll cost more than twice that to go, and feel like hell. he agreed and canceled
-- and i don't think we're gettin charged. at least he said they didn't mention it.


OMG... i have a FLY that must be huge-- buzzing around my friggin head every three or four minutes.. i can't see it or catch it--and it is killin me. yes, only one-- not an infestation this time. no more rats in the attic. thank God.

i am so ready to move outta this house. but-- looks like we are too immature to have credit. instead of being grown ups with our improved credit status-- we screwed ourselves... and every month.. our score is lower-- and lower....UGH... *TEAR*
i'm tellin ya -- i need an accountant-- i do my best-- i just just don't put it where it should go i guess. the savings account is obviously not secure enough-- nor are the credit cards.
so -- tell me-- where's the next best place to put money to make it matter when it comes to raising a credit score-- cuz those two places are just too easy to dip back into when you are money addicts like we are.

soooo-- anyhow-- i don't mean to be neglecting y'all..again.
i do try to keep up in my comment box here-- i know it's not enough-- but really. my mind is in overload-- and the majority of the time-- it's actually stalled out.
poor already not right mind o' mind-- is being torn in literally ten different directions at the same time.. and i am havin a real hard time dealin with that-- so-- if you've noticed-- i'm sort of trying not to lately. in a way it's ok like that.
but it would be better--- if GUILT would leave me alone.
cuz i kinda was raised to believe that I come last.
and even though, i do have people telling me to just take care of myself, and not to worry about so much, and so many--
i still feel i have to. and i am not allowed to take care of ME.
there's always something i should be doing, always somewhere i need to be .
or should be. or even want to be.. but i "can't-- without struggling.
and i really hate it to be that way.
for me, and y'all, and my kid, and my husband, and everyone else who gives a damn.

there's so much goin on out here, that so few of you know about. that i know some of this is hard for you to grasp. just know that if it was "mine" to talk about-- i'd be more than happy to unload it, and move on... but 99 % of it -- isn't mine to share. and it's that 99 % that gets heavier and heavier by the day.

am i loyal?
or am i stupid?


whatever i am...

i think i'm goin fishin.
when i get back.. i shall clean my ratty ass up-and get a haircut--
when i return from that--
i hope i will have some soulman questions to forward to him to get goin on...
and i shall cruise and catch up with some peeps...
and then...
if i'm not exhausted and nap worthy--
i just might clean my kitchen--
haha, ya, i know .. :))

happy weekend everyone...

don't give up on me--
i'll be me again someday-- can't say i haven't been tryin. can ya??
i do try-- it just seems once i get to the point of being close to caught up--- somethin else kicks me in the teeth. ugh.

anyhow--
i hope you all have happy days in your worlds today
:))