i have become quite the procrastinator this passed few months-- okay-- this passed year. it's terrible. i used to be so responsible. somehow i must find that responsible-ness in me again. i can't continue this way. it gets way to overwhelming , and i get way too frazzled when it comes time that i realize just how out of control my life is. it seems so sudden, but i know it isn't sudden. but , not until i'm in the middle of putting everything back together. it's enough to make me crazy. or mono -focussed at minimum. to where all i can think about is how much i haven't done-- have to do--- or will never catch up on. and that only puts me further behind in everything else. my neverending pit. pretty soon, i'll have dug myself a hole to china!
anyhow--
today is my last chance to get a ton of stuff accomplished
before leaving on monday-
the business stuff at least.
the packing, and cleaning can wait til tomorrow if it has to-
but the kennel, post office, banks, (yep--STILL have THREE -eegads.)
fill rx's, pay/mail bills-through like the 10th, that kinda stuff-
all has to be done today.
but any kind of business - this is it for me.
i hate waiting til the last minute-
i never ever used to do this.
it kills me.
i hate to be rushed, yet i always am.
and it's always my own fault.
maybe i need adderoll - for my possible ADD?
today is my last chance to get a ton of stuff accomplished
before leaving on monday-
the business stuff at least.
the packing, and cleaning can wait til tomorrow if it has to-
but the kennel, post office, banks, (yep--STILL have THREE -eegads.)
fill rx's, pay/mail bills-through like the 10th, that kinda stuff-
all has to be done today.
but any kind of business - this is it for me.
i hate waiting til the last minute-
i never ever used to do this.
it kills me.
i hate to be rushed, yet i always am.
and it's always my own fault.
maybe i need adderoll - for my possible ADD?
regardless of what my problem is-
i am sure hoping that this trip helps in some way.
the getting away from this house- and animals-
and believe it or not- responsibilities- i really do have some.
and just being able to spend time with the clan, and do whatever we want to do-
will help get us all back on track.
i am sure hoping that this trip helps in some way.
the getting away from this house- and animals-
and believe it or not- responsibilities- i really do have some.
and just being able to spend time with the clan, and do whatever we want to do-
will help get us all back on track.
cuz-- i don't know exactly when things changed--
maybe around when school let out-
but it really seems like my whole world went to hell-
along with the rest of us (the fam)
i see it in my writing- my relationships-
everything..and everywhere.
i even feel it in my body.
not to mention my mind.
it has to change.
it has to get back to normal.
i have to get back to me.
i hope this is what we need to make that happen.
maybe around when school let out-
but it really seems like my whole world went to hell-
along with the rest of us (the fam)
i see it in my writing- my relationships-
everything..and everywhere.
i even feel it in my body.
not to mention my mind.
it has to change.
it has to get back to normal.
i have to get back to me.
i hope this is what we need to make that happen.
perhaps it will be a big ole bass at lake amistad...
maybe just a walk down the riverwalk in san antonio?
maybe just gettin the heck outta dodge for a while?
no tellin...
but somethin has to change-
somethin has to make a difference.
not much else seems to be working--
and not for lack of trying.
i have really done a lot to make things better.
but a lot seems to stay the same--
or even seem a bit worse.
i'm doin the best i can to not shut down-- like i'm used to-
like i want to..
but if something pivotal doesn't happen soon-
no matter how big or small it needs to be-
i think i'm gonna be a little worried at the direction this blog is gonna go in.
the writing here lately is just not ME .
it's scrapin the bottom of the barrel, just to write for writings sake,
there is no natural flow-
it's forced, and desperate--
"most of the time"
and i just don't see any sense in writing that way.
i just feel judged -- or maybe just too boring.
"guarded"-- that's the word..
i'm bein too "safe"
no idea--
but if i don't like my posts--
i can only assume that y'all don't either.
maybe just a walk down the riverwalk in san antonio?
maybe just gettin the heck outta dodge for a while?
no tellin...
but somethin has to change-
somethin has to make a difference.
not much else seems to be working--
and not for lack of trying.
i have really done a lot to make things better.
but a lot seems to stay the same--
or even seem a bit worse.
i'm doin the best i can to not shut down-- like i'm used to-
like i want to..
but if something pivotal doesn't happen soon-
no matter how big or small it needs to be-
i think i'm gonna be a little worried at the direction this blog is gonna go in.
the writing here lately is just not ME .
it's scrapin the bottom of the barrel, just to write for writings sake,
there is no natural flow-
it's forced, and desperate--
"most of the time"
and i just don't see any sense in writing that way.
i just feel judged -- or maybe just too boring.
"guarded"-- that's the word..
i'm bein too "safe"
no idea--
but if i don't like my posts--
i can only assume that y'all don't either.
but anyhow---
if anyone feels like sayin a prayer or two today-
toss one of em up for me eh?
to get all i need to do done before i have to leave?
:))
so i can do the happy dance--
this one makes me happy--
how can you not smile at THIS:
if anyone feels like sayin a prayer or two today-
toss one of em up for me eh?
to get all i need to do done before i have to leave?
:))
so i can do the happy dance--
this one makes me happy--
how can you not smile at THIS:
11 comments:
Prayer done.
You are going to have the best day today. Trust me, I know these things.
:)
Now, get your ass to work!!
Love ya.
xo
Soul, I always look forward to reading your blog. Some days it's the only blog I get to - Yours is always the first. I know you're going through a rough time right now and I pray that getting away will smooth your path. LIfe is NEVER easy. Believe me, I've had periods in time that were almost more than I could bear but now I'm so thankful that I kept on keeping on. I know this sounds like just words - and I guess on a literal level that's true - but they come from my heart.
Try very hard to lay the stress aside and close off any worry. Let someone else make decisions and be responsible for making things happen. You concentrate on relaxing and finding a quiet place in your world.
I'm thinking of you and praying that today and all the days to come are kind to you.
Hey Soul, Mary said it so well. I think that worry is just like snowball, it just gets bigger and bigger and takes on a life of it's own. You seem to have great insight into what you need to feel better. You will master the stinkin' thinkin' because you seem like a really strong and very bright woman. I just wish that you could see it. You can't stop blogging. You make me smile, and I need that! Now go have a great trip and catch some big ones.
The change will do you good.
Hang in there, Soul. Things will get better!
Prayin' for you...
i love you guys---
thanks for the prayers-- i do believe in them ya know--
jamie my ass has been workin-- i got the dogs reserved-- bad part?? i have to take them in today :(( boo hoo. i cant take em tomorrow. cuz they're closed, and monday we leave too early. so i have to take em today.. maybe about 4 or 5. poor doggies. i will miss em. good thing?? i never miss my cats. you sure you don't want em :))
hi sue-- thanks :))
ee-- would you really get a tat??? lol
mary-- i never take anything you have to say to me as "just words".. :))
Thinking about you and hoping you will have a great vacation! xo xo
PS
I left a LARGE comment on the last post. lol
Just got home from a looooong reef club meeting. Everyone is really nice but I don't know a lot about the hobby so I mostly just visit with the other spouces who are bystanders.
One of those bystanders is a guy who is into bass fishing BIG time. He is always reading a Bass mag or a book about fishing. In an effort to have something to say to him other than "that's nice", "wow", "congrats" I told him that one of my very best blog friends and her hubby were also bass fishers. I told him that you are preparing for a trip to Lake Amistad and his face lit up like sunshine. He told me all about how great the fishing is there and how large the fish are. I'm certain you already know that though. I'm so glad that you're going to be where you can fish and I hope you do catch the big one.
Really really happy that you are taking a break.
Take it easy Soul, enjoy your moments, be spoiled, sleep till noon, just breathe and enjoy all the goodness in life.
Have a great trip and my prayer is with you.
I havent noticed any judging going on.......... cept that you are hard on yourself. I may have to reread. Be sure I am correct in that. I for one look forward to reading your blog. If nothing else, you will be able to look at back at these times and see how far you have come. You are already making progress. Maybe not as fast as you like but you are. I can see it. I hope you have a truly wonderful vacation.
Just found your comment on my blog- I got tiny brush hogs- watermelon red and then I got baby brush hogs- camo - they wanted $3.49 for a package of 6 online and I paid $3.99 for 12 and 15 packs at the bait barn. Soon as my daughter goes home , I'm gonna head out somewher and try em out
Yah Soul, enjoy the break. Don't think about any work or errands for once. Don't even think about us and your blog. Go out and enjoy time with your family.
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