too early friday babble

happy friday peoples---


a few minutes ago i had a slew of things to update you on , but i just drew a blank. surprised?? hmm, ya, me either. happens all the time doesn't it. well. i used to worry about that, but not so much anymore. after all the brain scans and crap-- i at least know it's not a tumor or anything anymore. still doubtin on the senile thing tho. i do wonder sometimes. i just surprise myself at my own bad memory. i can't imagine what some of y'all think. it's really strange sometimes. but not much i can do about it. in all reality, there is a lot i could contribute to it-- number one being the slew of meds i take. and have taken for a number of years. (anti -d's people-- not nuthin weird here)... but the way my mind works, i have a tendency to lean towards the worst-- and that being that my mom died (with) --not from-- altzheimers -- so of course, i tend to say that i'm senile a lot. since her death i avoid the word altzheimers..

anyhow... enough of that. we've established the fact that i can't remember my address or name at times.. a year ago... why bring that up again.. right? :))

ok.. moovin on.

i was trying to reply to some comments here this morning-- yep another early day again today-- .. and i was reminded of a few things...

one being med stuff goin on lately...

the CT-- from the other day-- i got a call back on that-- on.. umm.. wednesday i think. they said... the CT came back "ok". BUT, "they couldn't see--or find?? i don't remember which word.. my pancreas." isn't that weird? i said.. hmmm why not? i expected some type of answer-- such as ... swelling? umm.. or even perhaps.. because i was sooo constipated that i had crap wrapped around my entire insides? (on the xray they took on monday, .. sorry, i know that's not a nice visual-- but i really did.. :O ) ... but, know what she said? "i don't know." hmmm.. well, that's real nice. see why i hate the med "profession?" i really do think i would be a better doc than the people i PAY to help me...at least i do RESEARCH! UGH.

soooo.. she says they will have to schedule me for an ultrasound of my pancreas. just peachy! i'm fairly sure that the pancreas is in the front of your belly .. and shouldn't cause lower SIDE pain. hmmm.. but okaaayyyy. (that is set up for monday... and i'm pretty sure they won't find anything-- again.) BUT-- i still believe something is goin on .. SOMEWHERE. the pain is not as severe as it was three or four days ago.. i can breathe, move and sleep now at least. it has become more of a runners cramp type thing..again..like in the beginning.

this kinda thing really pisses me off to no end ya know. i have things like this happen to me all the time. medical issues. mysterious pains, mysterious issues. but after i go through all fear and anxiety.. and hell of tests and MONEY... all comes back "OK".. except the symptoms.. and i am still left wondering. BUT.. the dr's .. and surely "others" are left thinking that i am a lunatic, hypochondriac.

WHICH i KNOW-- is not true. know how i know??? because-- the evidence of that lies in the lab reports. for one. for two-- it is also in the x-rays and bone scans.

just a couple months ago.. my red cells were near non existent--- NOW-- on monday-- they did labs-- and guess what?? the red cells are friggin NORMAL.. BUT the white cells are UP. WTF???

i just may have to go to nursing school myself, and learn about all this lab shit myself. and learn how to read scans and xrays and all this stuff on my own. i have lost -- i was teetering-- but i have NOW, lost ALL.. every spec-- of faith in the entire medical WORLD.

they NEVER seem to tell me anything more than i already know at the time. and i am sooo sick of paying for nothing. all they do is piss me off. how hard is it for them to answer questions.? such as.. hmm why cant they see the pancreas? umm..dunno. duh.
well hey dumbass.. i don't either--
umm.. why would the white count be up and the red back up when the white was normal and the red down, such a short time ago? uhhhh.. i dun-no.
well.. hey you asshat-- i don't either. that's what YOU get paid for isn't it? fucker !

do ANY of you really think an abdominal ultrasound, is gonna answer ANY of this?? or new labs in two weeks?

i DON:T. know what i think? i think the ultrasound MAY see a "normal pancreas... " i think they won't look at my side... the side that hurts, and cramps up--- so wont answer THAT question.... AND i truly expect-- DIFFERENT lab results AGAIN. maybe with the addisons' my labs change on some type of dietary basis? i'll have to google that.

OK.. ENOUGH medical bullshit--
BUT if any of you know any of this crap
help me out??


moooovin on...

I DIDN'T POST YESTERDAY(oops)---- cuz i was doin other stuff.

i actually did do some housework. mainly my desperately neglected kitchen. it looks mahvelous. altho-- i still need to clean my fridge , floor, and pantry. i also need to get something.. anything.. to store my friggin "stuff' in there... the design of that kitchen really really sucks. i have a lot of nik naks that i absolutely LOVE..cows, roosters, etc..that i have collected for YEARS.. that i can't even display in there-- cuz there's no where to put it all. and i MISS it. plus, there is nowhere for my pots and pans etc either. i don't know who designed that kitchen but it just sucks..there's not even a decent place to prep food when ya cook. maybe that's why i lost my cooking mojo?? i just hate my kitchen here.

i'm already wanting to move!!! i wish we could, i'm still not decorated or all the way unpacked here. i may never get that way either. the more we talk about it-- the more i realize the less time we have here-- we are gettin closer and closer to being able to buy a house. THAT excites me. i never thought we'd be at this point ever again. i thought we'd be renters for life. looks like we have about six more months-- according to our credit reports-- IF we can STOP using our credit cards...:(( i am my mothers daughter-- or would that be my husbands wife :))

ok... what else??

wednesday-- what did i end up doin?? it wasn't cleanin house, that's for sure. and my laundry is so backed up it's sad. i MUST do that today. i do mean TODAY! most has been washed.. but for some reason, has a funky smell. that mildewy musty smell. so it needs re-washed.. or at least re-dried with about two-hundred dryer sheets. UGH-- i hate it when that happens. PLUS io have about ten loads of dirty clothes. i hate laundry. have i mentioned that? ya, i thought so.

just about everything else is done. aside from a fuckin fly infestation. wtf?? why do i have flies again? no odor of dead rats this time...no overflowin trash.. the litterbox is clean. there is NO reason we should have flies. NONE. NONE!!!!!! i'm really pissed about it. sick even. i was "this close" to gettin a motel room last night. i had the heebie jeebies from it. they have to be coming in from somewhere.. i just don't know where-- or WHY. do YOU??? if so-- tell me// please.. and tell me what to do about it. they are in MY bedroom.. and it is the cleanest room in the house-- aside from the living room . and bathrooms. wtf/???? it's killin me.. and it just started..like a day or two ago.... like i said-- it's not dead rats this time..THEY are gone.
HELP ME.

also-- wed... jlee and i met for lunch. another good time. food and starbucks. we were both bored to tears sittin at home when we decided to meet up--- so it was good. as usual.

so anyhow-- TODAYS plan??

chores, errand, MORE catching up on stuff i been puttin off...an
i just may take advantage of the early mornin bite--and go fishin for a little while before i start my day. this is the time of year that the morning fishin is the best. am , aND p.m. woo hoo.
oh and i do think me and soulman will enter that tournament. i guess they have it three nights a week..we may fish one or two of them... that will be FUN. we may even fish it TONIGHT!!!!

i shall let ya know.

anyhow-- i do hope y'all have happy fridays today!
and happy weekends to follow!