have you ever felt like you've been running from your past , and finally got caught?
well, better yet-- has the past you've been running from, ever actually caught up with you? grabbed hold, and forced you to look at it? maybe that's a better way to put it.
you know the old saying.. you can run, but you can't hide. right?
well.. i have hidden, and i have ran. i have built walls and cages, and worn blinders,. i have changed tv channels, avoided certain people , places, and things... for many many years. even knowing that it did no good for me -- or my family.
recently, the black cloaked ghost of my tumultuous past , has grabbed me from behind. as i struggle to face the demons that join it, i am both paralyzed , and fighting with all my strength to not be beaten this time. as easy as it would be, i cannot be defeated again; not now. not at the time i am beginning to find strength in who i am again.
is this another cryptic post? i'm sorry if it is. maybe for those who know me better than others, you may pick up on some of it. if you aren't gettin it, i apologize. i just don't want to get too much into what all is goin on.
basically i think it may be one of those-- one step forward -- two steps back, type things. lately. but, the difference i think, this time, is that, well, i don't feel that i will be left two steps back. i think i will find my way back up a step or two-- even if i need to fall back again. i'll eventually find my way where i am supposed to be. someday.
anyhow... i think i don't know what i'm saying right now-- or maybe at least quite how to say it.. so i better wait a while.
but i do think i have a question of the day--- again--- what do you do when the past stares you in the face--- and how can you use that to help someone else-- when you haven't quite dealt with it yourself???
12 comments:
Well Soul, I for one don't know what you are specifically talking about being a newbie here an all but I do know a little about how the past can wreak havoc on the present. As a matter of fact I am feeling a little down in the dumps today myself. No particular reason other than I have been thinking about someone from my past and wishing I wasn't. It'll pass, it always does. Nothing compared to what some folks are going through today like our dear friend Jamie. My heart breaks for that family even though I don't actually know what's happened, I know that it isn't good. Hope they are gonna be ok.
Have a good day Soul and don't shoot any x-boxes ok?
I'm not sure. You're making me think of when my good friend Miriah's dad died 2 years ago. She leaned on me for support because I had been through the death of a parent, my mom. Not a lot of people my age have. I knew from when my mom died that the only people who could really help me were the people who had been there, done that. Others said the dumbest damn things. By helping Miriah I had to deal with my loss again. It was hard, harder than I thought. In the end, well, it helped me too. Now we know each other's bad days. We help each other even though at first I was having to deal with an old issue because of the love of a friend-now it's a partnership or sorts.
Anyway, I like how you said this time you'd get a step or two on it. I pretty much think your attitude kicks ass.
I know exactly what you mean, but then I should. And I feel bad for it. I do believe in meant to be's and sometimes just watching others, and feeling for others, makes us understand so much more about ourselves. Does that make sense? It's funny how we can forgive others for the things that must be done and yet the forgiveness we deserve is different, unjustified...
I would never hurt you for the world, what has happened has been out of my hands, clearly, or it wouldn't be happening. So, at least for me, then it must mean it's meant to happen this way. Just my two cents. xoxoxo
I agree with foster comm.
Sometimes the only person qualified to help someone else is someone who has "been there" maybe reaching out and helping someone else is what helps people get over the past.
Hope you are ok.
Love me
I don't know.
but my own experience is that closure comes from within our own self.but having the experience of certain things, can help by having the right things to say to someone else (What Foster said was perfect!!)
I close with a hug for you.
always,
E
i am at such a loss for words on this whole thing right now.
"foster"-- you really nailed it. right on.
jamie---
you're right .. tis is out of your hands, and out of your control..and obviously-- meant to be-- or it wouldn't be happening.
"you".. are not hurting me .
my helplessness is hurting me.
my wish for things to be different is hurting me.
"the" forgiveness is justified-- and understood. you need to realize that-- and accept it--and maybe when you do-- i can. maybe
oxoxox
and there ya have it-- my 2 cents.
oldy-- i'm ok.. and crustee--you're right..
though I don't know the situation, I will quote an Alanis Morissette song: The only way out is through, the only way we'll feel better.
I have tried the run and hide thing. I am really quite good at it. Short term, it has worked. Long term, it has not. Having my son made me face all the issues I thought I'd successfully put behind me regarding my own growing up. Some of them I still run from, others I have faced but not resolved. Still others I have dealt with. It goes along with what Jess said....sometimes the best way to get through your own stuff is to help another through a similar experience.
Then again, maybe I'm full of crap, seeing as I can see my demons in the rear view mirror...I hope you keep you head high, keep on keeping on.
you're not full of crap R---
none of y'all are
thanks
Ok, so now I am better educated about the situation. Ouch. I'm Sorry Soul. I know this hits home for you.
me.
i got it...and i dont know how to answer that.... you can use that experience i guess to help...but dont try to do the impossible..just being there...and having that experience may be good enough in itself....
r-- yep
and yankee--
it has to be. it just has to be.
i guess that's enough on this one.
thanks folks.
g'nite
i hope your days were good to you
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