everything changes yet all remains the same

howdy folks ! greetings and salutations!   how the hell have ya been?  i sincerely hope all is well in your worlds !  like i said last night in my sleep med stupor -- i never stopped thinkin of any of ya -- even through my disappearing act. 

it seems that a whole lot has been goin on here - but at the same time it seems nothin has been goin on too.  we'll all find out i reckon once i get goin eh?

i honestly don't know where to begin.  the beginning is always a good start -- but we all know my mind doesn't ever work that way. right?  so, as usual -- i'll just start writin and we shall  see what turns out on the page - eh?  this oughtta be fun.  yeh right.  maybe you should should get some coffee or a sammich?  i'll wait.

so.  how long have i even been MIA?  a month at least it looks like.  aside from an occasional check in on face-book.  usually basic or pointless.  or my signature -- 'soul-speak' which leaves everyone more confused than before.

anyhow -- let's get this party started , shall we?

in no particular order -- except that of my ramblin mind -- let's roll -

we have new baby kitties!  somewhere.  i discovered them a touch over a week ago.  sushi -- remember her -- our min - pin; with issues like no other dog that lived?



well -- the dogs (her, and eevee) - were outside , and she was goin nuts -- barkin like a fool -- but in a tone - that was unusual for her.  irritating though, enough for me to go investigate.  what did i find?  sushi - yappin, and diggin under the fence.  so.  i peeked thru the fence to see what had her so interested.  my thoughts were in the direction of a snake -- a squirrel, things along those lines.  but to my pleasant surprise -- it was a very fresh litter of baby kitties.  most were white -- i knew they would be easy to find homes for .. (later) unlike the last bunch.  one of which -- is the mommy of these -- a black one... so-- i put the dogs inside ; went back and put a big rock in front of the hole sushi was digging, and hoped that she would leave them alone.  HA - like that would ever happen.

( i think there are 5 -

click to enlarge)

well, obviously, blockin the hole did no good at all.  just as i thought -- so sushi bothering the babies had caused the mommy to move them.  and after a search of the entire property on all sides -- i can't find them anywhere.  i'm sure she has them safe somewhere.  we've been keeping mamma fed and watered so she won't dehydrate or something, and can stay healthy to keep the babies healthy.  it won't be long until she brings them here for real food after weening them.  i expect to see them all on the front porch in another two or three weeks.(?)  i love baby kitties.  it's when they grow up that they bother me.  :))    i love mine much more since we declawed them. some of you may remember my constant bitchin of their destruction?

oh.  somethin funny happened when i was out in the next door empty lot looking for them.. i saw THIS:  it made me think of my pal ' gecko sis' - yankee :))   check it out -



BWA HAHAHAHA

(the babies were between the two fences)
HIYA 'T'

the smallest things make me think of each of one of you ,  i could make an entire post on that one -- i should do that one day.  "the things that make me think of my peeps " (not to mention - 'bring a smile to my not so  usually smiling face'.)  someone should remind me of that -- i'll do that on a day i have nothin to write about. 

i  miss knowin what's goin with y'all.  i haven't been readin blogs like i should either.  nothin personal.  know that.  like i said .. it seems that not much has been goin on here -- but really it's been crazy busy ... much of the time.  so many days -- even up to a week goes by that i don't do as much as even check my email.  the computer just hasn't been been a priority for me at all lately.  part of that could be the fact that it died.  ha!  i guess that would make some some sense eh?  kinda hard to use one if ya don't have one eh?  one day a week or two or two ago -- i was online -- of course doin my usual OCD banking etc ... next thing i knew --- well -- pictures speak better than i do --
THIS , happened ---

and i don't know why

i think the laptop was about four or five years old.  it had been through  several viruses.  it had also been actin up in many strange ways for months.  especially for the last few weeks of life.  very strange , the way it died tho.  literally -- it was workin fine one minute- and thext  - i saw -- what you see.  luckily we have a DELL credit account -- well, maybe not luckily -- i was close to havin it paid off.  but not now.  i do however, have a new laptop.  i wouldn't have done it .  maybe i would have -- but i would have felt a lot worse about it -- except for the fact that -- ' it's my birthday!'.  not really.  not yet.  it is , but not til the end of the month.  but soul kid had her birthday in march -- early march.  i swear to you -- ' it's my birthday!!!'  was every day --- for three weeks!!!   it was THE most expensive birthday that kid has had in her life.  mainly cus it included a car -- on top of a 'lemon' jeep -- that got over 1000.00 EXTRA parts and crap sunk into it before we gave up and found a different cheap beater car.  yeh, the jeep still sits in the driveway -- rotting.  -- don't ask if it's on my stress list -- cuz ya know it is.  ok-- back to my story.  yeh.  so. she really did do that -- for weeks -- we let her get away with it -- only cuz we could.  it got funny after a point -- but it also got to a point that my head almost blew a gasket.  so.  when my laptop died ???  my first 'line' was --- 'it's my birthday!'  and i wanted it ordered that day! yup. just call me veruca salt :))

 so.  i have a new laptop.  bad part?  i lost a shit ton of stuff -- some very important stuff.  and a million photos.  a lot.  a lot  alot a lot of stuff. 

but i really do need a laptop. i have a desktop-- but sittin there - for me - after a short time, gets to be plane torture, for my back - and just about every thing else too.  it took several days to get here -- but during the time i was waitin for it -- guess what i was doin anyhow?

yep -- bein bed - ridden. just about the same as the week before.  but i was actually gettin out - fishin, shoppin -- yeh , believe it.. i've started hittin antique stores here and there once in a while.  anyhow..  for a couple weeks, i was doin real well- physically, and mentally .  surprising eh?  then, it hit me like a train.  crippling , agonizing pain.  so i ended up stayin home, no fishin, no shoppin, no -- again surprising -- workin round the house even... stopped in my tracks.  i decided -- ok, time for more shots in my neck/back.  so.  i got those scheduled.  that ended up bein monday the 18th... unfortunately -- worse before better-- and i was house/bed/couch-bound - until Easter sunday.. when i could finally get up and feel well enough to clean up get dressed and we all went out for easter brunch.  which was real nice actually.  it was great to be out of the house - on my feet- with the fam.  all that stuff.  but-- soon as we got home - i hit the bed ...  today is the first day in a long while that i actually feel like i want to get out and go do somethin -- but i slept too late - soulkid is sick -- and as i write -- the day is almost gone - soulman will be home in a while -- and only God knows when i'll finish this post.  not to mention the fact -- once again there's weather - tornadoes and such breakin news on tv -- like the third day in a row.  lots of tornadoes round here lately.  first wild fires now storms, floods, and tornadoes.  so far tho-- we haven't had any damage.

i'm hungry.  just thought i'd throw that in there.  it's about time to grocery shop me thinks.  that's somethin i could go do.  do you believe it?  i actually do some grocery shoppin these days.  i have allowed myself to suck in the ego -- and use a scooter.  but it helps.  hubby and soulkid still do most of the shopping.. but i do go to base and do the big shopping maybe once a month ... those baskets on those things actually hold a lot more than i ever thought.  i still really hate to use em.  but i gotta say -- i'm a better shopper.  i can spend what they spend -- and it'll last twice as long.  we talked about that the other day (when they went shoppin) -- they spent 150-- ish.. we have nothing left.  i coulda spent the same -- and had lunch today.  but i 'couldn't go. cuz i hurt. which is usually the case.  someone should take me out to eat.  :))  i reckon i should wake up before 11.. shameful, i know. tomorrow, and go get some fewd in this place.

so anyhow.  i see this is gettin -- if it hasn't already passed - LONG.  so, aside from that - i'm in typo hell as well - with no spell check , and goin blind too.  so -- i am assuming we are all in the same boat at this time -- i think i will pick this up later -- or tomorrow -- that's more likely. 

manyana.
have a happy night folks -

see folks? i told ya i'd be back ---

and just like i thought -- soon as i get in here?  i'm too tired to say a damn thing.
maybe tomorrow.  

i miss y'all tho.  still think of everyone. 

my computer crashed -- i had shots in my neck again --  pain is a bitch -- i did actually have a life for a minute :))  ---  just life i reckon.  but i do mean to get in here and talk to y'all real soon.

later peeps -- hope y'all had happy easters, happy weekends and happy weeks ahead in your worlds!
i'lll be baaaack!

ya wanna see somethin really scary ?

i feel like judge judy -- --

and i look like charlie sheen !!!

sometimes life just goes that way in soul land-

bleh

hope things are great in your world!

i was born a ramblin soul

howdy folks!  yep - i still breathe.  sorry i haven't been around.  (insert broken record here) .  as usual -- there's been a lot goin on here.  a lot that i can't hardly remember half of. again, as usual.  i don't know where the time goes.  i really don't .  i guess we would all know that if i would write - eh?  just seems i don't have the time.  maybe i just don't have the desire.  honestly.  i think deep down, that's what it has come to.  i think i have lost my passion to blog.  i think about writing every single day.  i think about y'all, every single day.  just seems that no matter how much i -- think about writing -- i just don't. 

y'all know, even when i don't have anything to say , i find something to say.    even if it's just nonsensical babble.  that passion has simply faded until now; and i just feel that it's almost a duty to get in here and write.  nah.  that's pushing it .  it's not a duty.  i do still like it.  i think what happened is that over time - i began to feel like i need to be more clear.  make more sense.  ramble less.  and i don't think i'm capable of that.  not with my mind, or the way it works.  i feel like even tho i have a lot of friends, and readers... i leave so many speechless to what i say sometimes.  ok-- often times, that it's better to say nothing at all.

BUT - after a while of not writing -- y'all tell me you want me to write.  so hellifiknow.  damned if i do-- damned if i don't?  i really do feel connected to y'all -- and of course to my blog.  i wouldn't be here after all this time if i didn't.  i just really feel like i have done something unjust here.  i can't place it though.  i think i have hurt people that i care about.  i think-- no, i know i have put too much of me on these pages.  much of that, i know you-- or many of simply cannot understand. (in my 'soul-speak'). 
i am a person that either you 'get me'- or you don't.  i feel like i hit a spot -- in my manic -depressive state -- at some not so far behind us point -- and i really messed things up.  i messed up relationships that meant the world to me.  in and out of blogland.  most of you are still here and on my side. and i see that now.  it has been a long time that i have felt that i destroyed too much - too fast here. 
and as most - if not all - of you know... in my real world -- people close to me are only family.  i do not trust 'people'.. i don't talk to people.  i avoid people.  friends?  what the hell is that?  i went like ten years without a real life friend-- and when i let go- and let it happen.  it of course went to hell.  and ya know what?  i don't think i can even tell ya why.  i have given every opportunity to open that line of communication...   because really, it's ok.  i need an apology maybe.  or perhaps i'm the one that needs to apologize-- i think maybe explain is a better term.  i haven't been given the chance.  and that's just too bad.     in that whole experience?  i learned two things.   i was right in not having 'friends.'  and i will never let my guard down like i did in that one -- again.  i haven't so far.  and i wont.
that doesn't mean that i don't care about-- or even love y'all... i just have a bit of a protective layer over not only my heart -- again.. but also my mind this time.  


oh HELL.  that isn't even close to what i was gonna say -- i think y'all know that -- but like i said-- y'all know me by now.  i can't help myself.  i wonder what would happen if i were to be hypnotized?  i bet i'd write my book!!!!  :))

so.  yeh.  you want me back? here i am.  you want me to shut the hell up?  i will.  but not right now.  cuz i figure-- hell, i'm in here and apparently on a roll-- may as well go with it.  right?  oh shaddup and just read.  :))

ok first--- i gotta say -- i -- like most if not all of you -- i woke up to the japan news on tv.  holy crap!  i don't know about y'all, but MY first thought was JYANKEE -- also known as JY -- on my page - and maybe yours.. and many times 'gecko sis" on mine -- man, she has been my friend for a long time.   i immediately went to her blog-- the only way i, at this time know how to contact her.  luckily she is OK. and she was online. phew.  she and her family are ok. let's pray that it stays that way. i can't stop worrying.  the more i see on tv- the more i worry - even tho she is ok now. (she posted in my comments in previous post)

ya know what?  anything else i planned on saying doesn't matter right now.  i'm watchin the news -- california just got hit-- and i have a life-long friend - and more out there too.  holy crap.

belay my last on what i said about friends.  i love my friends.  i just won't be makin any new ones any time soon. 

y'all stay safe -- my prayers are with all of you who stand in danger today!

i smell onions-- and other dumb stuff in my world

it's true.  the damn rat -- i mean ground hog was right.  spring is about to sprung.  know how i know?  cuz i smell onions!  i mentioned this just before spring time last year too.  some might remember?  i had no clue why i smelled onions every time i walked outside .. until my neighbor told me.  it's wild onion - seed- or blossoms- or some such thing - blowin in the wind , then growing near by.   weird part?  i was just lookin - on google - for a pic of some to show you .. cuz i have yet to see any of the mysterious onions with the strong enough to knock ya down smell.  who knew there were so many varieties of a wild onion???  here's a few i found...

this is the kind i was lookin for --

not this --

or this ---

or any of the other 'flower lookin' ones i found online today.  i been lookin for a dang onion!  more like the top pic.  ugh.

anyhow---  sorry folks.  i have recently had a few folks check in on me.  so i figured i better get my butt in here and let y'all know i'm not smellin onions from under ground --- nope - i am still alive.  just not online a whole lot.

not much explanation to that is there?  just been doin other things.  nothin personal folks -- i've missed all of ya -- hopefully i can get to catchin up -- ehem.. shaddup -- i know i say that all the time -- sometimes it happens.  it won't be today tho -- lots to do -- actually OUT of the house.  i been out a lot lately actually.  surprised even me.  i think i'm back to hibernating tho. last couple days, i've hardly moved.  bleh.  no worries.  just a speed-bump.

i hope.  i was runnin 150 MPH this last month or so.  then .. whamo-- what happened?

i'm sure gettin out today will help.

i'll catchyall latah

hope all is well with y'all-

time flies when you aint lookin -

howdy my peeoples and peeple-ettes :))  how the hell have y'all been lately?
me?  busy.  very busy.  if not busy, then i been recoverin from busy.  some days - between the busy -- and the snow and ice storms --- pain and recoverin from pain has been number one on my agenda as well.  that or trudging thru the damn pain.  today is a pain day fo-shizzle.  to the point of bein glued to the couch all morning.  and looks like for the rest of this day as well.  so far - since i had to replace my car, after soulkid wrecking it - on new years eve day -- she has not been allowed to drive the new one.  i have done well in sticking to that rule.  today?  i was forced to give in.  i was supposed to drive her to work and pick her up -- i saw no way of driving today even being close to a possibility - in my physical state -- so i offered to let her drive my car.  of course she was thrilled -- me?  ugh.  that's the only word that comes to mind.  she has been driving her dads truck since the accident - on occasion... but my car? not once, since the day i got it.  whaaaa.

so-- if you aren't on face-book?  some wonderful things have happened for-and with my child in the last few weeks.   #1?  she graduated high school!  at the ripe old age of 16 !  before all of her friends...  they were all shocked, and jealous.  they all have the rest of the year - some a whole nuther year , before they graduate!  she surprised us all :))  not only did she complete 2 years of high school in FOUR months- she did it with 'high honors' !   when that girl sets her mind to it -- she can do anything.

days after her graduation -- she was hired at her very first job -- :))  for part time -- she is packin in the hours- (5-7 hours a day!)- workin very hard. she is well liked by all - from coworkers to upper management! 

i don't have a pic of her in her uniform yet -- but i don't think i need to tell you -- she is more than adorable in it !!!  - i will get one up heah soon.  but here's a hint --




no worries -- my soulkid is a GIRL - as most of you know.  i said a hint - and thought this one was kinda fun.  :))


she got a jeep - from us - for her grad present -- but it needed a lot more work - and parts than we were aware of -- and now - to ensure it to pass emissions - it needs a trip to a mechanic for a tune up---  which the bad weather -- mainly ice -- has pushed back til tomorrow --  but it will be road worthy by monday or tuesday -- registration and all.. it's already insured.  but it will be a welcomed relief - for all three of us when that is done.  and-- i was able to full coverage on it with a low deductible for less than 40 more a year --- than it would be for liability --- gotta say that's not much considering what it could cost if she needed to replace it in the first year.  let's all hope that is NOT the case tho.  i hope she has learned her lesson at being more careful at the wheel eh.

so -- do i sound proud of this girl or what?  she has done a full 180 this passed few months.  and i gotta tell ya -- this job is the best thing that has ever happened to her -- her habit of respect at work -- has carried over to home.  i'm lovin that you know!

hmm... i was gonna tell ya 'bout my pain, and my - what i think to be a manic-spending spree -- but i shall spare ya the deets til next time :))  kinda nice of me huh?  why turn a positive post into a cry baby post?  which really wasn't gonna whine too awful much -- but ya never know -- once i get on a roll - ya never know what ya might get -- :))

so.  things are actually goin pretty well overall around here.  i sure hope y'all are doin well in your worlds too!?

tell me bout it eh--  wussup?

happy friday peeps!
:~))

fire and ice -- WTH is goinin on

howdy folks!  warm yet?  i'm sure not.  every day seems colder -- and icier.  in turn? causing me to be less and less productive, and more and ---- let's just say quiet.  i'm really not bein bitchy -- at least i don't see it -- if i do, it could be much worse, and has been in weather, and pain like this.  but lately i just go to bed early, or 'shut it down' when i hear- or feel conflict on the way.  i hate conflict and arguing as much or more than the cold.  and i've come to realize, its much easier to excuse myself from conflict - than it is from freezing ;))

so anyhow-- it is damn freezing here in tejas.  this is our fourth day in a row of black sundays!  businesses -- to include dr's offices -- between me and soulkid - two dr. appts have been re-scheduled due to this weather- over the last three days.  ALL schools have been shut down all week. flights out of both airports - in and out (DFW and Love field )  have been disrupted - if at all.  and oddly enough, there was a major fire in an apartment building i think yesterday -- and one three alarm fire on the news right now!  also a assisted living place had pipes bust and had to be evacuated of almost 80 old folks . 

we moved here days before soulkids 7th birthday -- almost 10 years ago -- this is the worst weather we have seen.  back then - she was about 8 or 9, we had a 'major ice storm' -- they shut down schools etc -- the entire town panicked etc -- but by day three everyone was laughin about it-- roads were clear and it was all 'fear of'.  this time?  the dogs don't even last more than 45 seconds outside!  me? i don't even try!  i won't walk to the mailbox -- kinda not new -- but this time it's not a mental thing -- this time i'm in fear of freezing before i make it back to the door!  :))

my fears of the now?  another rolling black-out --- which are now lasting up to 8 hours!  it's again -- feels like 4 outside!!!!  2nd?  my mommason flies in tomorrow morning -- sorta-- around 11 a.m.  there are still issues with flights -- NM - and here.... no tellin how that will go -- but there's no way i can drive - so now soulman has to get her after work -- which means -- she will have to sit at the airport for maybe three hours alone before he can get her!  IF her flight can go.  i feel so bad for that.  the plan was that i would pick her up-- but i get mental driving on ice -- due to a wreck on ice with soulkid when she was 5 -- and again a ice storm and a horrible three hour wait-drive over the santa rosa mountains in NM -- in frickin march years ago-- alone... sooo many horrible wrecks-- coronor vehicles-- one PT cruiser ripped right in half.  same trip i almost crashed twice myself on black ice. i just can't do it.  the last time i did?  was a couple years ago i went to iowa -- scared shitless -- snow-ice- losin my ass end.  i survived obviously-- but not without bein reminded -- ice on the road is not my friend!

SO.  was that too whiny?  wasn't meant to be-- just updatin .  flash-backin :~)

as far as my progress on my chores yesterday?   let's just say --- epic fail.  i got very little 'work' done.  i had some problems on an account or two-- payin bills online -- which took a lot of time-- i finally gave in and wrote checks -- which didn't make it to the mailbox yet :))  for reasons above.  bleh.   as for housework?  i'm down to my office.  soulman - due to his month long pneumonia, and vacation, and this week helpin with other stuff - and workin on soulkids jeep -- and a dozen other projects -- has still not got the floor trim laid in the office -- so i'm down to just givin in and puttin my furniture back in place and gettin things where they belong in there -- without the trim.  i hate that it won't look right -- but we'll just have to do it again when he does have time.  i've been a mess without my office-- and it sure hasn't helped the house-- i have 'portable offices ' all over the place.  so -- i didn't really get to that at all yesterday -- i must get it finished today now.  i just don't know if i have it in me.  maybe soulkid will piss me off or something.  anger is my second best motivation -- after company :))

ok -- did i miss anything?

stay warm peeps !!!!

poor dallas is sufferin big time for the weather -- superbowl week -- in an ice storm -- weeee?  just not makin the money they expected are they.  money grubbin- whooooors.  :))  that'll teach em to jack up all their prices.  :))  i do feel bad for the folks who paid a lot of money to get here and planed a good time - and are now trapped in their hotels.  other than that -- i hope the greedy learn a lesson. 

my dads most memorable quote--as a father of 4 girls -- what do greedy girls get? -- NUTHIN

i miss my daddy-

happy freezin thursday y'all -

oh-- about my recent cooking?  the kitchen has been so clean, it doesn't bother me.  i've missed my cookin-- but damn sure appreciate the families help!  i'd be starved for sure if they hadn't taken over the shopping and cookin this last year or so.  it's been a real self esteem booster lately to realize i CAN do these things still with a little mental steam and gusto though.  it sure has beeen a while since i've felt that in me!

procrasti-soul is at it again

howdy folks-- what's up in y'alls worlds?  whatever it is , i hope you're not freezin to death !  here's what i woke up to this morning---  very much like yesterday morning -- except colder.  y'all know how much i love the cold don't ya???  i can't believe that only four days ago we hit 70 degrees!!!  i was in my own heaven - sittin on the edge of the pond fishin'.  y'all know that's when i'm my most content.  my happiest.  doin what i love, fishin in the warm sunshine -- without wind - or cold.  even though i didn't catch a thing -- i didn't care -- i didn't even try very hard.  i was in my happy place.
this last couple days?  i am in my true hell.  have a look ----

this is my most huge contempt in my world.  it makes me hateful, and it hurts me all over-- physically.  i cannot, and refuse to drive or go outside in this stuff.  there's an inch of ice on the roads.  the wind chill/ feels like is 4 !! actual temp? around 14 !!  yup i'm in hell !!!!  this is texas folks ! this just isn't supposed to happen here.  oh- and to make matters worse?  rolling blackouts !!  HERE? in the worst ice and snow we've had in maybe years -- they decide to -- without warning -- start freakin - "rotating power outages"  :((  they are 'supposedto last 15 minutes -- some have reported them as long as two hours.  the 'DART' system.. a train that runs in dalls - like a trolley on tracks kinda... was stranded in this freezin weather -  for over two hours due to power loss !  no warning -- it just shut down in transit - with passengers.  freezing!  my microwave and oven must be on some kind of -- somethin-- cuz i can't re-set em.  am i pissed?  umm you know it.  i'm only gonna get worse if it happens again.  if i end up freezin in my own house?   oooooh  --- someones gonna hear from me.  i know they won't care--- but i'll feel better :))

and ! they say stupid groundhog paxatuxy puke -- yeh i know-- i forgot his name --- but he predicted an early spring?  HA!  lets not celebrate too soon shall we?

so.  ya wanna know where soulkid got a job ehh?

Sonic.  i think it's an alright first job.  she will be a roller-skating car-hop... after two weeks training.  i told her she better get down to the skating rink and get to practicing !  she hasn't skated since she was -- maybe 12!  wish her much luck!

my house is almost finished -- but each day that passes - i get more and more slow-- ok-- exhausted and sore. (i'm sure the weather isn't helpin any ) -  we have made a ton of head-way in here .. and soulkid has been bustin her ass upstairs... but seriously?  with my limitations?  i have passed them all - like two days ago.  i last a lot less workin durin the day.  the first couple i was workin maybe 5 or 6 hours -- runnin like a freight train.. by yesterday?  i was lucky if i worked two hours.  i hope i can push through a little more than that today -- if i can , i might get all finished.  there's very little left to do.  i hope i finish, without collapsing.  that has happened in the past when i've pushed myself too far.

anyhow --- if i forgot anything - lemmee kow- and i'll cover it in the comments .

happy days to y'all in your worlds--
surprisingly, my mood has been great -- it's just my body that's havin a tough time here and  God made drugs for that :))

i've been skewered.....

stick me with a fork... i am soooo done.  burnt.  fried.   toast. i wish i could say i was 'finished'.  but that is not the case.  i still have tons to do, but this body of mine sure is sore, and done. kaput. finito. ruined. wrecked .  belly-up, burned out, wiped out  ... ok - i'll stop.   but i am DONE.  stick a fork in me - done.  BLEH....

i did get a chance to go outside and play a little the other day.  the sun was shining, it was a beautiful day out, so i went fishin.  i didn't catch anything, but it was still just nice to be outside for a while in the fresh air and sunshine for a couple hours.  i didn't really try very hard to catch anything, it was fun just to be by the water in my kind of weather.

yesterday though, soulman had to go pick up a few things, and on his way home he made a pit stop at 'his' pond....  he put forth more effort than i did, aside from bein at a different body of water --- and looky what he dragged in --  dawg.  :))  -- that's his size 13 shoe next to it ---

                                                          i was only a little jealous :))


tomorrow is supposed to be another real nice weather day -- high 60's.  i'm hopin we can take a few minutes and enjoy some of it... otherwise, it's another kill ourselves around here day.  we're makin progress -- spring cleaning , purging stuff on out of here, - soulman built a dining table -- kinda -- i'll show ya next time,  just a lot of work goin on.  i'm only good for a few hours in the morning - then i'm ruined by 3 or so.  but we're gettin there. 

be good peoples -

i'm always late - but in sloth time i'm actually prompt

just tryin to make myself not look so bad there.  i've meant to get in here for days and get those pix i promised up-- i just got busy.  maybe i'm not such a sloth these days after all . 
my mother in law (Mommason) is coming in a few days , to watch soulkid graduate, and i have been killing myself trying to get things in order, and get caught up on all my business stuff, and also the pre - graduation biz - getting her to her final exams etc -- which -- she passed - with flying colors!!!  woo hoo !!!  then , getting her grad-gown paid for -delivered- picked up and pressed , gettin her shoes and outfit for graduation day.  i've been out doin somethin just about every single day for a couple weeks, and if i haven't been out - i've been workin in the house.
then this passed three days i have been hammered with some crazy back pain.  almost unforgiving.  and relentless.  yesterday - it was literally do- or die, i had to go to the grocery store.  i was literally forced to use a motorized scooter to shop in.  it was the first time i have done major shopping in one of those, and i have to admit- i think i shrunk a little inside.  them things though?  i gotta say they hold a ton more shit than i ever thought they did.  i spent a fortune.  but we were out of every damn thing in the house.  sure feels good to have some food in this place.  and all the other necessities.  we have been forced to eat fast food for the last week.  that or pantry leavin mystery dinners.  it's not been fun, but we have all been busy in our own ways lately .

i always get sticker shock - or panic when i overspend -- but then i remember to thank God we can afford to eat.  there's been times we couldn't.

i also realized - at the store - that not everybody is an asshole in this world.  although i didn't except it-- at the register , two different women, that didn't work there - asked if i would like them to help me unload my basket.  i declined , but it did make me feel good.-- and you know me-- it did embarrass me a little too.  but again-- i gotta say -- without the scooter? there is no way possibly that i could have completed that task pushing a cart.  not in the pain i was in... and honestly?  in my current condition--- i wouldn't have been able to push that cart after about the first ten or fifteen minutes into it.  face it folks.  i'm ruined.  i have passed my limit.  this really sucks.  perhaps by admitting it and realizing it -- i can stop letting it beat the hell out of me, and just deal with it and make the appropriate changes eh?  instead of letting it beat me... and hide at home feeling defeated. i say i can't shop -- but i did.  i didn't like the way i had to do it ... but i got it done.. and it didn't kill me.  and i also say i can't cook -- but guess what?  i cooked last night-- and i promised hubby that tonight i would cook again.  it's been way too long that i been sayin 'i can't'... that really isn't 'me'.. all it does is depress me, or guilt me.  today -- i'm re-claiming my damn life-

ok... where that came from -- i don't know.  more for me i guess. just kinda spillin thoughts maybe.

anyhow -- here's some pix i was talkin about the other day ----

this is the one i bought   -- for 50 +$

this is the other one i saw later --- for 210.00 !!!!

this is a cool corner shelf i got -- cuz i have too much crap and no where to put it!

i saw a ton of other stuff i wanted to get -- but i had to stop spendin money.  i can't wait to go back !!!
they had an awesome antique bed i wanted to get for my guest room... i would have got it -- woulda had to use a credit card - but i would have splurged --- but --- the mattresses - which were in like new condition - didn't go with it.  i can't afford that and new mattresses - so i had to pass.  it was real nice though.  my mommasson would have loved it.  oh well. it was best i didn't get it .  (700.00)
i do plan to do the guest room in antiques tho.  i have a good start already -- scattered throughout the house :))

anyhow -- as usual, i have a busy day ahead -- so i better get started --
hope y'all have happy days in your worlds -- and better weekends ahead !

it's gonna be 70 glorious degrees here in soulland today !!!!  if i was smart - i'd put my work off and go FISHIN !!!  hmmmmm....  i really should go huh?  help me ease my conscience and put off my responsibilities.  it won't be 70 degrees again maybe for the rest of 'winter.'  i deserve to fish don't i?  70 !  inside workin?  outside playin?  inside?  outside?  fresh air?  stinky litter/pet/ heater air?  fish?  work?   sun?  artificial light?

ok i'll stop.

happy friday !!!!

someone's havin a baby!!!!!

NO - not MY baby -- my sisters baby!  the baby boy of the family was the first to marry , and now the first to have a baby!  we are all soooo excited.  i got a call from my sister a couple weeks ago , but she insisted i keep my yap shut until i got the ok to blab.  so here i am -- blabbin my head off !  'Logan" called last night and told us the news.  this will be the first new baby in the family since soulkid!  16 years!  we are thrilled.  for them and for all of us.  he is very happy and so is his new bride - Beth.  they've been married a little over a year -- maybe goin on two.  bad me - already forgot their anniversary -- i think it's june -- year before last?? ugh. shut up - i have it written down!
aren't y'all excited?  oh man i am.  i must admit - i am a little nervous too.  some of you know - but for those who don't -- soulkid was the last and only baby i have held -- or loved.  i'm kind of allergic to babies.  it's a PTSD thing.  seriously.  i don't want to get into it right now.  but it isn't for lack of wanting to 'be with babies'.  it's a real thing.  it's a physical and mental thing.  i think some healing is on the way.  i refuse to let this insane fear get between me and this baby.  

hubby and i are already talkin and planning on saving up for a trip to chicago when the baby is born.  i won't miss this for the world !  we may not be there on the birth day - that might be kind of difficult to plan out.  but we sure will be there shortly after .  a baby.  a BABY!!!   woo hoo !!!

in other news?  there is none.  nothin new anyhow.  'cept i think i had some kind of manic attack this passed few days.  i have been on some kind of money - that we don't have - spending spree .  :((  buyin furniture!  that we have no room for.  WTH??  but - on the bright side?  i got some pretty good deals.  antiques.  i think it's the headache.  yup- still have it.  maybe it's a tumor- causing me to spend money? 

i'll try to come back later and get pix up -- maybe tomorrow -- and show ya what i got.  i bet some of y'all woulda got it too.  one of em?  i got on mark down - for around fifty bucks -- walked about half the store down, saw somethin similar-- and it was 210.00 !!!  so hey - if i end up not findin a place for it - i could flip it and make some money!  i would like to keep it tho - i have wanted one for years.  cool stuff.  so check back for pix. k

anyhow -- i gotta get this party started round heah -

happy mondays in your worlds peeps-

Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-dink

'sup peoples?  not much exciting going on out here in my texas world.  the weather gods are bein rather kind lately.  i won't complain about that.  we've been in the 40's and 50's for several days runnin.  rain and wind is expected - but i'll worry about that when i see it.  i always hope for the weather guessers to be wrong when it sounds lousy.  a lot of times they are.

anyhow - i don't remember if i have put a pic up yet of the soulchilds jeep yet??  if not here it is -- still in need of -- a new carb.  ugh.  we got it on order last night .  kill meh.  we both thought soulman would be able to rebuild the original one... didn't happen.. it was a piece o' crapola.  better to just get a new one and not worry about failing emissions and doing more work later.  (i know- lousy pic - i thought i had one on my phone - but it's gone :(( - so i went out and took one -- with my car in the way -

it's nice actually - and she loves it -- that's the most important thing of all.  it has a hard top , a roll bar , and A/C - which are rare for this model and year - '88 jeep - 'somethin' - i'll get back to you on that.  :))
but - the price was good - and they held it til we could pay it off... BUT - parts are gettin expensive already.  we had to break out a paid off credit card yesterday for almost 700.00 worth--- you know that is pure pain for me.  but i do want it on the road as fast as possible.  i swear i'm gonna have a coronary - if she doesn't stop drivin soulman's truck. 

on the bright side?  soulkid does have a job interview lined up this week-- and is graduating on 2-5.  so it aint all negative -- as much as it sounds like it sometimes.  :((  she really is a good kid.  y'all just don't know how proud and happy we are to see her graduating.  you know there were times we didn't think she'd finish school - much less graduate!  :))  now a job, and a car... she's gettin there guys .. she just had a rougher road than some.

in other news ....  i am still enduring -- with periods of relief -- a five day long stinkin headache!  WTH?  i hope it's PMS - and not a pre seizure or something like some others i've had like this.  whaaaaa.

that- my friends is about all i have to say at this point.  somehow i stay busy all day every day -- but it just isn't worth talkin (writin) about.  but 'm cleaning, sorting, searchin for tax rct's, goin to dr's, oh -- and guess what else i have found to spend time doin?  would y'all believe that the - number one  x-box widow - has joined forces? LOL -- it's true.  while we were in NM with hubbys fam.. his brother bought a WII.  it looked like a lot of fun.. i was sick there - remember -- i would go to bed early - but i would hear everyone playin it - and laughin and havin a real good time.  i did try to-- note the TRY -- :))  to bowl before we left -- it was fun, but i did suck .  :))  anyhow - a couple weeks ago -- i took my 'new' credit card --- this was before the car stuff -- i would not have done it if i knew what was comin... but yep i got us a wii -- and it actually helps me n hubby spend more time together and it's fun!  who knew right?  he still plays x-box of course -- but not til i have my time with him at night.  this thing's better than marriage counseling.... but not reccomended! y'all know we are our own breed among the normal folks. 

ok -- time to get goin here --
hope you all have happy days in your worlds today!
i'm workin on it - and considering --- i'm doin pretty good lately -
latah tatahs

fill in the blanks? i AM the blank!

howdy folks-
what are you doin up at this hour?  i'm askin myself the same question.  i was actually sleepin pretty good up until about half an hour or so ago. that's when it happened. i woke up - for no reason at all.  not new for me.  it's nearly a nightly occasion for me -- and usually happens several times during the night.  i'm about to go nuts because of it.  i couldn't tell ya the last time i slept a full night through.  it gets very irritating.  and draining.  and it is making me become one bitchy soul.  anyhow.  like i said -- sleepin like a baby-- then suddenly wide awake!  hubby was sound asleep next to me, but the cats - two of them were raising havoc.. climbing all over each of our bed tables -- scrounging for water glasses.  i got smart and got a sports bottle for mine -- or when i do use a glass - i set in in my drawer and close it just tight enough that if the cats get it - it doesn't spill over.  i don't know what's come over them.  they didn't used to do this.  now it's every night.  anyhow - there i am.. just waitin for them to spill somethin, i of course had a freakin migraine - again.  so- i smoke a cig, hopin to relax the headache away and just fall asleep.  did it happen?  oh hell no.  first- jitterbug, does spill a glass of water on hubby's table.  i 'hissed' at her - that woke up hubby - he was pissed cuz of course he was sleepin real good.  but he had to save his cell phone - and check for any other potential damage or hazards over there due to the spillage.  you know that did wonders for my attempting to relax my headache away.  it instantly got worse. even into my neck.  of course he was back to sleep in three minutes or less.. and the next thing i knew -- i'm stabbing an imitrex shot in my leg !  i then went ahead and got up to give the damn cats some water -- to stop the insanity!  once i was UP- i was UP.  and guess what?  here i am.
the good news? my headache is gone.. and i think gettin on the computer was a big mistake-- cuz i'm not tired anymore.  :((   perhaps a xanax will be in order shortly.  i have too much on my list for tomorrow to spend it catching up on a bad nights sleep.

some good news?  soulkids jeep is now paid off and in our drive-way!  phew.  well, one would think.  but- there was a couple things soulman failed to tell me when we bought it.  well.. i knew it needed carb work.. it came with parts tho- and i know he can fix those.  so i thought - no big deal.  but... yeh, another 'but', now that it's here , and i thought she would be rollin on her very own wheels in like two days?  ummm, well.... no.  that won't happened.  it has never needed to be smogged- emissions tested.  guess what -- it now needs to be - before we can register it.  and with a bad carb-- and maybe fuel pump- or filter probs -- no tellin when - or how long it will take to get it in that kinda shape.  especially on soulmans schedule.  oooh yay!

do i need to tell y'all the i have not let soulkid drive my car since the accident?  i didn't think so- but just in case -- i haven't.  soulman lets her drive his -- but she has not and will not touch mine.  so far- no problems -- except for the fact, that every time she goes anywhere -- i'm in a constant panic attack!  if he wasn't such a sucker- she wouldn't drive at all til her jeep was on the road-- with liability only insurance!  ugh.  i can't go through another wreck.  just worrying about another is about to put me in the ground.  erg!

other than that?  i guess i shall go back to bed. i hope i can get back to sleep.  soulkid is graduating high school -- did y'all ever think the day would come?  i am so proud of her!  that will be on the fifth- and her gramma is coming on the 4th to watch and visit a few days.  do you think my house is 'guest ready'?
if you said 'hell no'  you'd be correct.  it's close.  but the upstairs -- the soulkid cave -- looks like hell ran through-- five dozen times.  and downstairs just needs a good organizing and 'spring cleaning. '  but at the rate i move these days-- i'll be lucky to finish before my mommason arrives. 

do y'all think i worry too much?  i'm sure it'll all get done.  i just panic alot.  about everything.

haelP me-

g'night peeps -
i'll catch ya 'round sometime soon.
happy days to ya -- sunday i hope... if you're up now-- go back to bed dammit!

a new baby , and a migraine -

sounds like party time to me !
more like bed time.  yep that's where i'm headin.  me and my headache.  i've been tryin to get a post up here for days though, but it just happened yet.  so here's a quick howdy to y'all, and hopefully i will get a chance tomorrow to fill in some blanks for ya.  it's been real busy around here lately, so if i'm not runnin around, i'm tryin to stay warm.  it's been freezin out here.  burrr

so yeh, there's a new member of the soul clan.  i am in love :))

isn't she purty?  i fit so much better in it.  it has built in GPS.  extra room for my fishin rods and stuff, and it's fun to drive!  i don't have to strain my neck to try to see out of it - or behind me.  it's better in a dozen ways than the toyota. 

that's all i can say for now -- my head is about to blow off my shoulders -- not fun.



catch you peeps tomorrow - maybe

i hope all is well in your worlds - ok here - just busy-

"oh my hell" is right !

hiya peeps- and top o' the ,mornin to ya!what's goinin on in your worlds lately?  i reckon if you've been readin what little i been writin here- you have a bit of an idea what's up in my world.  BUT -- just after i finished a cry baby email to a friend of mine about my wrecked car and the stress that follows the unknown that goes with it -- hubby walked in the room and said -- he just got a call from our insurance company!  would y'all believe --- they TOTALLED my car!?  i had no idea there was that much damage.  it trashed the rear axle -- which i think is where the tranny is.. (like a trans-axle) it was leakin brake fluid, the rear tire got smashed in - so i guess the tie rods/bearings etc were trashed,the rear door and quarter panel were trashed,  and i guess the air bags were defective cuz none deployed. -- that was surprising. - shocking even. the car has side airbags and none of those deployed either-- with that force it would seem some of them would have blown.  personally we're glad they didn't -- she rides right up on the steering wheel-- even though i have talked to her about the damage an air bag can cause with her so close like that.  i think she now realizes she needs to sit further back.  if it woulda deployed she coulda broke her little neck.  :((

so- hey-- on the bright side?  looks like i'm gonna get out of my high car payments i been cryin about for two years, that'll be a relief.  i'll still have to get a loan.. but i sure aint gettin a brand new car.  no way.  i hate car payments.  ugh.  especially for as little as i drive.  a little 4 or 5 thousand putt putt will do me just fine.  anybody got got one?

so anyhow -- the wondering and the waiting is over.  that was killing me! i couldn't even slep at night. torture i say!  last night i bet i woke up six times -- i'd smoke - or take a pill - fall asleep - just to wake up and hour later.  ugh. rough night.  rough few nights.  but-- around noon we go and sign papers - and move on to step two -- which i hope is car shopping.  even tho i'm very much a shut-in, i feel better at least knowing that i have access to GO- IF i wanna.

things are movin right along - just the way they're sposed to. 

so anyhow-- i owe you all visits -- and as soon as things get settled down a bit here with the car and the house and my crazy mind-- i'll be right ovah !

happy days to each and every one of you--

i shall keep you posted on the situation at hand in soulland  :))

sunday stuff in soulland

hiya peoples!
what's goinin on in your worlds today? hopefully all is well with you and yours. i reckon i can''t complain in mine. ha! for once. today is actually goin pretty good.  i've even been doin some cleaning and other much needed things around the house.

you may have noticed i haven't been around much this past week... that would be because i have felt like absolute dog poop.  run over and set on fire -- twice.   OMG.  you wouldn't believe it.  remember how i was just tellin y'all how my meds were workin, and i was feelin better and all that??  well, i think it was wednesday.  i woke up- with plans to take soulkid to school, and her weekly appointment, just like every wednesday.  except for the fact that i couldn't breathe, or open my eyes!  my mouth and throat felt like something died in there, and got trapped on the way down.  not to mention the fact that i felt like my heart was about to blow out of my chest!  hell.  i didn't know what to think.  or do.  hubby was at work, so i got up and went to wash my face and 'see' WTH was goin on.  what did i see when i looked in the mirror????   i can't show you the real me... but it was similar -- prolly worse -- yeh.. it was worse --- but close to THIS:

it was awful! at first i thought i was gonna have to go out like that and get the child to her appointments.  but the longer i sat there trying to feel better -- the worse i felt.  and the more i realized what a stupid move driving would be.  (obviously, i couldn't see) so.  i rescheduled both of her things, and spent the rest of the day feeling like the elephant man ... wondering WTF happened to me.
 this was obviously NOT  a cold. so if not a cold-- WTH was it?
 i remembered, i had just started a new and different med for sleep two nights before. (that wasn't working.  in fact it was doing the opposite, and making it harder to get to sleep).  i had been having a lot of trouble sleeping .. i always do- but really, i'm gettin sick of it, and am taking way to much xanax (the only thing that works) - so thought i'd ask for something new.  anyhow- that was my first thought.  aha! i'm allergic to the new med.  maybe.
i of course get online and begin checking the symptoms of allergic reactions of this med.  they do seem to match a lot of what i had goin on.  but after a while - after calling my dr. and getting the no brainer 'don't take any more ' response- that i had already expected.    -- i started thinking of anything else that may have caused it.  i mean i really looked and felt bad.  and it came on so sudden - it had to be something.  and it wasn't a cold.  and i don't have 'allergies'.  then i remembered the other new med they gave me at the VA -- when was that? almost two weeks , right?  i thought that would make more sense than something i had taken only two times.  so i got back online and checked that med.  i asked them before i took it too-- about taking TWO steroids.  because i already take one every day for 'addisons' as it is.  so i was a bit worried about side effects before i even took the stuff. they said -- 'no, don't worry, it'll be fine.'  hmmmmph. well.  fine, my ass.  the more i read, the more it made sense.  it was that med.  the new and additional steroid.  i had steroid overload.  which led to steroid face.  i checked my blood pressure-- it was high.  i was nauseated.  my eyes were swollen, my throat was hoarse and it hurt to talk or eat.  UGH.  this went on for THREE days.  needless to say i did not leave the house.  yesterday was the first day since tuesday that i left my front door.  do i have to say it again y'all?  cuz i think you know already.  i hate doctors!  even tho i questioned them, and didn't want to take two steroids... they gave it to me -- and i exploded.  bleh.  i don't know if it's an allergy to that new steroid, or if it was just an overload since they added that and raised mine.  but i obviously stopped that one and i cut mine down some.  now i'm back to normal.  but man that was a rough few days... my pants didn't even fit!!!!  have i mentioned the fact that i hate taking medicine?  well i do!

anyhow- today, i feel pretty good.  considering the last several.  i also have nothin else to say since i have done nothing and gone nowhere lately.  unlike the child.  she has been turned loose many times with my car, and is loving it.  i can't believe she finally got her drivers license.  or the fact that i let her drive my car.  it's very nerve wracking.  so far she hasn't wrecked it or got a ticket.  i pray constantly while she's out.  it wouldn't hurt any if y'all shot a prayer or two up in her favor once in a while :))  she's scary behind the wheel sometimes.  other times she does pretty good tho.  i actually dozed off one time while she was driving-- i haven't done that in several years-- no matter who was driving.  so that's sayin somethin.  :))

well- aside from that? our wood floor installation should be completed by tomorrow night -- so stay tuned for photos of that.  i'm excited !!!

happy sunday in your worlds folks !

better times, different places ; those were the days

enjoy a visit back in time

jupiter (GOOD TIMES) from brezz on Vimeo.

ch-ch-ch-changes

what's new peeps?  that's what i was asking myself earlier today, whilst i was dying from boredom .  the boost of steroids etc must have kicked in, because the last couple of days i have been feeling a lot more energy.  but then again, the pain i have from the rhizotomy -etc- prevents me from doin anything with it.  today was a rough day to be in my own skin.  if it wasn't so hellish outside with the traffic and the stores and all that i may have actually gone out and done something.  i did think about it a lot- but sure didn't go anywhere.  instead i sat on my ass and watched a tv marathon of 'criminal minds' with my daughter.  :))  -- remember when it was 'law and order SVU?' around here?. lawdy we'd watch those shows for hours together.  now we're hooked on criminal minds.  i bet we watched at least 5 or 6 episodes today . there are more still recording  :))

 my body aches just from sitting.  i feel awful for it... (mentally) - but at least i have made it the last two days without sleeping the day away.  no naps in two days.  for me, that's an accomplishment lately.  i have been so lethargic , it seems all i have done is sleep.  i can't say i have been very productive, in these couple of days, but i have been awake.  i hope the pain dissipates some, and the energy continues to increase.  in that order.  i need that in my life.  very soon.  with physical improvement - i'm sure i will feel better mentally and emotionally too.  at this point - all i do is breath, and hope that the rest just falls into place.  surprisingly enough, it does.  but i will admit -- it isn't very satisfying.  when life is a chore... well, it kinda begins to suck after a while.  ya know?

anyhow-- in my lazy alertness this afternoon  :))  i managed to actually 'make my rounds'.  it has been ages since i have hit every page on my blogroll in one sitting.  i am so very far behind with y'all.  i'm sorry for that.  i know y'all are sick of hearin that outta me by now.  but i have some serious guilt over it.  that and my not posting here as much as i used to -- or would like to.  i really just don't have much to say or write about.  i don't DO anything anymore.  writing about the same ole stuff gets old.  even for me.  i get sick of hearin myself .  so most days i say nothing. 

that was one thing i noticed though while i was reading blogs today.  there were several that seemed to have a common theme.  one that I mention a lot.  i thought it was just me.  all this time, i thought it was just me feeling this way... but most of the people that i felt were leaving me/ or had left me -- are feeling the same lonliness now.  the same dwindling thoughts.  the same drifting visitors.  the same emptiness or perhaps lacking, in the whole 'then' vs 'now' blogging experience.  maybe i could call them the first five.. the soul six??  :))   i don't know.  it is a handfull of folks that way back when we were on each others blogs every single day.  i honestly do not know what happened.  and for a long time, like i said i thought it was just me.  but today , most of these same people said so many similar things. 
 i have to admit that i was pretty surprised to see that they have these same feelings.  some mentioned wanting to stop blogging.  or maybe taking a break. you know, "having lost the passion" i spose. that's my term, not theirs. it just now came to me as i'm writing.  that's it i think. maybe that's what happened to me.  whenever it happened, it happened... i lost my 'true-passion' for this blog.  obviously, the embers still burn, and every now and again it flares up and rages from the ashes.  but in my heart there is something missing.

could it just be age?  the holidays- and the hum drum feelings that sometimes come with them.??
maybe i'll never know what's happened.  not with my blog (s) -- or theirs.  perhaps some line of loyalty maybe got crossed?  someones pride got hurt?  but i'm still here.  i still love these people.  through gritted teeth and a hurt heart in a couple cases-- but if i didn't care about them, i wouldn't think of them so often.  would i?  things change - people change- health changes- entire life  situations change.  i get that.  do they?  each one of the folks i speak of had had extraordinary experiences in this last year or two.  many not good, all very challenging.  many with outcomes to be thankful for.  yet i see pain and loss in their posts -- at thanksgiving. 

i guess i just want to say to them-- if i am - or was any part of this -- for you -- just remember -- you know where i live.  the door is always open. 

so when i ask what's new?  i started to think -- almost a year!  and i'm gonna start this one off right.  no guilt. no resentments. no loose ends.  no kinks in my relationships.  i'm too old for games, and nonsense.  i will not BE my diagnoses.  i will learn to live again.  i am done playing the victim, and i will survive, and i will find myself again.  i will conquer my fucking stairs, and keep my house clean, and decorated.  more action, less complaining. (did you know 'fucking ' is on spellcheck? - me either- til now)  

so-- if douglass can get his claws ripped out along with his 'somethins' in a day .. and be fine a few days later?  i think i can do this. 

it's time for change around here -- and obviously the first step starts with me.  slowly but surely -- it has already started.  but there are bigger things to come.

i hope y'all stick around with me.  cuz i'm gonna make a come-back. 

winter , i know, isn't a good time for me to set goals -- but who knows?  it may turn out to be the best timing ever!  i never tried anything aside from hiding in the winter for the last 2 decades.  anything can happen - right?


guten  nachen to you from me
sleep well

fuzzy wuzzy wasn't fuzzy was he

hiya folks -- it's me again.  it's hard to believe that it's only wednesday around here.  a lot has happened in the last couple days .  i've kinda thrown a bit up on facebook - and i guess a little here too.  but for the rest of the story ----

monday -- was the horrible trip to dallas for the VA endocrinologist appointment.  the worst part of that whole thing was the more than an hour wait at the pharmacy -- and then the long drive -- in the dark home ... did i mention that i can't see at night?  i never drive at night.  it was bad.  but, i survived.  i'm the type i guess, when i'm thrown into a pool, i'll swim if there's no one to save me.  i always manage to get out of a bad situation.  even if i don't think i will at first.  so yeh, i survived.  home never looked so good.

so- ya wanna know what i found out there?  wanna know if i liked the dr.?  ok. here's what happened.  apparently i was a rare case there at the dallas VA.  and it was kinda embarrassing.  i did like the dr. tho.  it was a young woman, and she was thorough and nice.  she called in, and or brought me to like four different dr's to "see" me.  well.. one in to see me - for help in treating me.  then the others to kinda show what i 'look like'.  yeh, i know.  weird.

wanna know why she  / they were so intrested?  cuz i was in 'addisons crisis.'  yeh no kiddin.  that is not a good thing.  it does explain a lot of how i've been feelin tho.  i reckon i can stop lookin for the truck that keeps runnin over me... ten times a day.  addisons disease is rare in itself-- addisons crisis-- even more rare.  some people can die in addisons crisis -- if nnot treated.

this is about the third time i have been in this bad of a crisis.  but the worst was when i was so weak i literally could not walk.  it wasn't that bad this time.  -- but i'm tellin ya - i bet if they didn't catch it now -- it wouldn't have been much longer before it did get as bad or worse than it has been - or could get..  i've barely been gettin out of bed lately.  maybe four hours in the morning-- then back down til dinner  -- up to eat -- then back down til morning. 

i had been thinking it was the iron deficiency - and thought the iron pills should kick in any time.  well they haven't done a thing.  also i been thinkin 'i'm depressed', etc etc.  well no wonder i can't move.  my blood pressure is near dead, dehydration, add the low iron etc.  and depression.  it's a wonder i haven't jumped off a bridge by now.  so-- i was glad they caught that.  they gave me a giant dose of steroids - brought up my BP...  prescribed a separate type of steroid, plus injections for emergency.  and made a follow up for next month.   sound like fun?  yeh-- me too. 

so.  that was monday.

yesterday - tuesday -- as i was gettin ready for my rhizotomy appointment--- no-- wait.  i was gettin ready monday -- it was then, that douglass decided to freakin, out of the blue - attack me!  not once, but twice !  first was in the bathroom by my closet door.  he jumped up from nowhere and grabbed hold  of my finger with his razor sharp claws!  he drew blood-- and a lot of it.  then when i walked out of there -- he was waiting for me and attacked my damn bare leg !!!  i couldn't believe it. 
within an hour - i was on the phone with the vet -- scheduling his surgery !  yep. for his declaw and neuter.  that'll teach him!  ya know i had been planning this for a while.  but i kept coming up with excuses.  but really that was the last straw.  he was getting more destructive by the day, and now he thought he was just gonna start attacking people?  not me. 
so i got that scheduled and drop off was yesterday and pick up was this morning.

hubby dropped him off at the vet and did all that stuff, then came back for me to go get the rhizotomy.  that went well, i guess.  the pain was fairly mild when i got home.  but man - when the good meds wore off?   i couldn't get enough of mine i had on hand in me.  it hurt.  i did my best to just sleep.

so- now here we are at wednesday -- douglass got picked up pretty much first thing.  he seems to be doing real well.  we keep the cat food up on a shelf in the laundry room -- so the dogs don't eat it.. so i brought it out to him, i let the dogs outside first -- and gave him some water too.  he was happy to see that.  he's just kinda chillin now. 

as for me?  that damn rhizotomy ?  all i can say is OWWWWW.  give me drugs.  this one is hurting more than the last -- but thankfully no where as bad as the first.  so hopefully it will be ok in a few days.  in the mean time, me and douglass will just gimp around for a while, and take our pills.  :))

in my world that's a lot of crap for just a couple days don't ya think? 

btw-- if you're wonderin.. i do feel more energy since the endo appt- and the boost of roids.  i just hope i don't get roid rage -- or moon face.  been there before - and it aint no fun at all, by golly

sorry i didn't have anything exciting to say - but that's life in soulland lately. 

how's life in your worlds?  any big turkey day plans?  we will of course be here - but we have travel plans for christmas :))

happy humpday folks -

nothin like the original - is there?

i'm baaaack --

the merge worked -- only here, not there :))

so, welcome back  :))