my eye is twitching !!!!!

ugh-- happy friday?

crazy bastard

there's a link to some pretty updated news on this asshat.

well. no need to wonder what i'm gonna bitch about in this post, but i'll tell ya -- it sure aint about my idiot problems today.


surely by now, y'all have heard about what happened yesterday at Ft. Hood Army Base?
i am still in shock. from what i have heard so far? this entire thing could have been avoided. so much could be different. this maniac had a legal and military right to get out of the military as a conscientious objector .

that was my FIRST thought. 'if he was so against, or afraid, or whatever, about his upcoming deployment -- surely at his rank, he would know of the above option?
he was a F'N major in the ARMY !! even I knew about that and i left the service after 8 years. but i actually knew a 'kid' overseas when the first Gulf War started. he was bright enough to use the C.O. option to get out of the service, rather than to go into combat -- for whatever his ' personal reasons' were. but even a young 18 or 19 year old, knew he had a right to not be sent to combat in a war he was not willing to fight in.-- or be a part of. he was honorably discharged. no one had to die-- or crack up -- over his own decision, to be anti-war.

OMG. i'm furious. the more i hear about this 'Major Asshole' - i realize how much 'evidence' there was -- even in his military record, and evals -- not to mention his friggin suicide bomber ideals on his own blog pages-- SIX months ago!!
holy hell. what does it take for the upper echelon to SEE what is goin on in a sick mans mind??? he didn't try to hide it AT ALL.

i don't know peeps. but even on my worst day around here in soulland, i can't say i would ever trade places with any one of those folks yesterday. it helped me open my eyes and realize, once again... life aint so bad, when ya think about other folks , and especially our military right now. every single day-- we lose military -- here, and over there... just think of their friends, family, children, and comrades -- every day.

and this??? all because of some puss who was afraid to be deployed ? it could have been prevented. i hope "they" learn from this. if 'they' don't already do a psyche eval before deployment-- i really think they need to start .

pass the xanax please.

have happy fridays peeps-

and don't miss out on the little things :))

so tell me am i realy crazy or do i just see 'sumthins'

howdy peeps --

the first part of this i'm stealin from part of an email i wrote last night. i'm just too lazy to re-write the same thing twice. of course "real" names were changed to protect the innocent :))

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////

a few days ago, soulman was puttin the boat in the garage.. he has a key chain that splits in two-'detaches'. well, one side has only his truck key.. the other has everything else-- such as my car key--an electronic one, the house key, the storage key, PO box key, and another one or two. well.. he had the truck key in the ignition with the truck runnin... cuz he had backed the boat up into the garage -- but guess where the other half of the key chain was???? yep-- sittin on the rear bumper. well... soulkid was sittin in the truck impatiently waiting to go spend her report card money--- so him, bein the doting daddy-- forgot about the keys-- and off they went---- and yep --- LOST the keys.

in the mean-time, i have been a nervous wreck over these keys for days. almost a week.
knowing, that all someone-- with these keys in the wrong hands-- all they would have to do would be to drive-- or walk around, clickin my car keys until it beeped , and voila! they would know where i live-- and park. they would have access to my house, and my car. and US.

well, guess what? today--- soulman was at work, soulkid at school, me alone--with the critters-- and i'm sittin here payin bills and crap like that-- no tv or other noise on -- know what i heard??? yep.... my car beeped in the garage!!!!! did i freak out? absolutely!

i had no idea what to do though. i went out and checked the garage and my car though, and looked outside. nothin out of the ordinary-- except for the fact .. i don't lock my car when it's in the garage-- BUT -- now it was locked!

i had plans to run my errands and go to a dr appointment. instead , i hung out til i had no time left but to only go to the dr. so i could watch the house.

then, normally, we crate both dogs when we leave em alone.. this time i left EEVEE loose. remember- she's been trained in shutzhund.. she could rip someone to shreds if she wanted to-- like a police dog.

well... i went to my appointment.. left the dog out-- made sure i locked all the doors etc... picked up soulkid from school on my way home... when we got home-- i had her wait outside for a minute so i could check out the house before she came in-- i didn't tell her about 'someone' having our keys. -- well, i walked through the house-- everything was in place... but the dogs were a bit over excited -- and guess what?

my front door was UN-LOCKED! ugh! if i would have locked eevee in her crate they would have come in my house! she scared them enough that they didn't take one step inside-- i know cuz my laptop was only three feet in the door on my office coffee table.
i am so pissed off i could scream!

(the email ended there -- but to continue :)

so anyhow-- needless to say-- hubby stopped at the store on his way home from work and bought new locks-- and changed them out last night -- first thing.

i don't guess i have to say that a new lock or two doesn't make me feel real safe though. better. but not best. this is just unbelievable!
.
first-- we still.. live with the fear of the mover guy comin back here to rob us or do something stupid--- and now this. some asshole has MY keys. yes-- he has to get through the front door to steal my car--- actually he doesn't-- there is a pretty good sized window out there that two people could fit through-- now that i think about it-- someone make me STOP thinking! ... but anyhow.
if not for my dr appointment yesterday, i would have gone and bought a gun. yes you heard that right. me , the one who always bitches at hubby for even buying guns -- i always make him dismantle them, and lock them up where i don't know where they are. but yesterday? i called a place in town that is widely known for selling guns. for many many years i assumed that no one would, or could legally sell 'me' a gun. well, i found out different. they only do a 'criminal background check'. hmmm. i was wrong. whaddayaknow. seems i am wrong about a lot lately. and as for 'hospitals' ?
only if you have been put there by the police do they even know about it. hmmmm.
yup. my wheels were spinnin.
no-- i wasn't lookin to buy some high powered machine gun or anything-- just a small, cheap -- shoot someone in the leg if they came in my house type thing. the guy said they had a few that ran around 200 bucks. boy-- i was ready to run!
only thing stoppin me from my mission? i had an appointment. with none other than my shrink. :))
do you think i told her about my thoughts of buyin a gun? especially with 'my history' ? of course i did. i also told her why. and i also told her that i wasn't planing on telling hubby a thing about it.
surprisingly---? she didn't tell me not to. hmmmm.
i really thought she would be against it-- or at minimum -- tell me to tell hubby. she did neither.

but anyhow-- like i've told y'all before-- i'm too honest. i can't keep things like that from my husband. after he changed the locks, i did talk to him. i told him just how sick and tired i am of 'this' kinda crap happening to me-- us. how sick i am of not feeling safe -- especially in my own home! i was upset-- angry , and crying -- sort of crying.. just a tear or two-- i wasn't about to let go-- i may never stop crying once i start. not at this point. there's just way too much goin on in this life of mine.
--- example? -- my shrink rx'd name brand prozac yesterday... in hopes that it would work better than the generic shit i been on. i'm in a rut folks-- and i'm about to shop for curtains to hang in it.

anyhow. you're wonderin what hubby said about 'me' having a gun, aint ya?
well. he was much calmer than i thought he would be about the whole thing. he wanted to know why i wasn't gonna tell him. i told him-- i am telling you. but i was afraid you'd wig out.
well, he was ok about it-- mood wise-- anyhow. but he did make some valid points-- aside from the obvious. but one that even i hadn't thought of.
have any of y'all thought of it yet? cuz it only took him a second. my bed meds. and the stupid things i do in the middle of the night while 'on' them, that 9 times out of ten, i have no recollection of.
well--- that my friends was the clincher. i will not be buying a gun. i'm just not a person that should own, handle, have access to, or get to the point of shooting a gun.
i'm happy that he thought of that. because i had pretty much thought of every other scenario-- except shooting one of our animals, one of the soul clan, or one of soulkids friends -- on accident. ugh.
so-- his 'solution'? aside from changing the locks-- and recoding my car locks and keys?? an alarm system. which yes we put off on getting before when we thought the mover guy may come around.
but now-- who the hell knows what kind of people have my keys-- and tried to come inside yesterday???
i can't handle this shit guys.
i sure am glad we have eevee!

ok anyhow--
i'll keep this next part short--

in fact-- a picture post--
haven't done that in a while--

my sloppily made bed-
with my new duvet set!
lowsy pic- sorry
but it's nice-and the animals love it teeewww

my pretty flower bed :))
-with my now ugly window covering-
to hide from the bad guys :((

next---

ok, here 'she' is
mamma kitty, with the black baby kitty
havin breakfast this morning


oh , but WAIT-
if mamma's up there-
then WHO is THIS?


OMGoshkness !

there's TWO of them !!!
so that explains why , the other day.
when i was holding mama kitty -
i saw BALLS!!!!

i was sooo confused!
til we found out there were TWO of them!
a BOY and a GIRL

i'm beginning to think maybe i aint so crazy afterall :))

have happy days in your worlds peeps

i'll be sittin here with a very sharp knife in my lap all day i'm sure.
(oh hush, i'm kidding)
i will be gettin alarm estimates tho.
dammit

my mind is a blank, but my fingers won't shut up !

mornin folks -

if ya came over yesterday -- sorry i didn't post. i did answer folks who left comments below tho -- in case ya missed those. i was just bitchy. i mean busy. err, sorry.

anyhow-- really, i was busy. not busy as i could have or should have been. but i was workin on somethin - or other - almost all day long. and when i wasn't -- i was recoverin'. i ended up spendin my smoke and choke - blog time-- makin my list -- and catchin up on bills, that -- yup , i was still behind on. maaaan. that's enough to give me a panic attack these days. it seems the smallest of things upsets me lately -- and if you know me at all -- bills, are no small thing to me.

on top of that, i had to come home from droppin the kid off at school, and do the litter. ugh. that was so sickening. i won't go into details. but i will say -- that damn 'yesterdays news' litter , made from recycled newspaper? never use that. we had to use it for the post de-claw days. it supposedly cuts down on the chance of infection.. hmm.. i don't know how-- it seems to hold the odor and soppy mess worse than any other i have ever seen.
ok--- yes i got off track a bit-- anyhow-- our litter box is kept in our "under the stairs closet" . yes the princess cats have their own private potty room. anyhow-- soulkid changed their litter like 1-2 nights before, accidentally - or maybe, lazily using the newspaper litter, and by yesterday morning? - the entire downstairs smelled like a -- i don't know... an animal clinic? a pound? just horrid, is the best i can come up with. it was enough to make me gag. i woke her up early-- told her it was trash day-- told her to come down early with enough time to switch this litter out for the good stuff. ugh. do you think she did? no she didn't. do you think i was happy? no, i wasn't. we got in the car-- more than 5 minutes -- late-- and i bitched about the damn litter, and about five other things that I would have to pick up the slack for that day. let's just say -- it surely was like a ride with 'gran gran'. and no- i wasn't proud of myself. but at least i told her i loved her when she got out at school. ehem.

so-- yep-- i had to go pick up eevees' tumor removal estimate first--- i'll come back to that part ... but it's good.
then i came home and had to hurry and do the damn litter before the garbage man came. while i was at it-- i went ahead and gathered other trash around the house-- and my car-- and fridge-- that soulman didn't have time to catch before headin to work. by then - the one can he set on the street-- had turned into two cans on the street. go me :))

also on my mind is -- the dogs are OUT of food -- empty bowl -- empty bag -- OUT of food! i'm pissed off about that. wondering how in the hell, am i to go to sams, and get a fifty pound bag of dog food??? also, how am i supposed to get it into my car??
and once again--- this makes me angry about my entire life. why? because once upon a time-- i could lift a 100 pounds-- tool box, bag of sandblast sand, name it -- at work or home-- i could do it -- no matter how big or small- i did what i had to do.
yesterday i had to face my weakness and displeasure of it once again. gettin dog food was of course near the top of my list for the day--- but as the day wore on--yep--and on. and on. i never made it. i gave in. gave up. whatever. but i let soulman get it after work. which was the original plan anyhow. i just hated the doggies bein hungry all day. even tho i gave them snacks and stuff.

so-- lets get back to eevee since i'm on animals --- her tumor estimate. with no testing, or any 'optional' bs. the simple removal of it, will cost 280.00 . we will have to tack on the 28.50 for a nausea shot-- cuz we know she doesn't handle the anesthesia well at all. but still... that is doable folks. unfortunately they won't take payments. but that's ok too. we don't want to put her through that right now anyways. not right after she had such a hard time with the spay.
not to mention-- Christmas etc right around the corner. she's lived with it this long-- surely she can go another couple months. right? ya. that's what i say too.
but she will definitely be having that thing removed very soon. and i am sure she will be a happier dog for it.

ok ? -- oh , back to yesterday -- not that i ever left. anyhow. y'all know already i kill anything in the plant category right? well, you also know that i sit in my office a lot, and when i do, i look outside.. right outside is my flowerbed. it's the first thing i see. well lately- the overgrowth of it, has been driving me nuts... but i really wasn't sure what to do about it. so, i went out yesterday to feed the kitties... more on that comin in a sec too-- ugh--- anyhow-- when i went out, i saw the old lady that used to live here. when they sold us the house she moved in next door with her daughter and grand kids-- her husband moved in with his son--while their new house got built. anyhow-- i asked her, how did you take care of this overgrowth? would you believe that the lady stopped her own yard work-- and came over here, and started workin in MY flower bed. omg. i was embarrassed , and i tried , more than once to stop her. i kept saying, i just wanted some tips, i didn't mean for you to do the work. she kept saying she likes it, and didn't mind etc... it only took her ten minutes-- and the bed looked great! while she was doin that -- even usin electric hedge trimmers i might add -- i sat in the chairs with her little grand-daughter, who was simply adorable-- to keep her away from the hedgers etc, and occupied, etc so she wouldn't run off, or get hurt. i really enjoyed that. most of you have NO idea how long i have avoided young children.. and yesterday i enjoyed the company of a child. it was nice.

so. anyhow she was off just as quick as she came, and offered to help any time. their house will be finished the beginning of December tho-- by then everything in the yard will be dead. so i will just learn from her little lesson-- which i must say- was embarrassingly easy- and i could do that job on my ass if i had to. so i greatly appreciated her help. (and yes..... i feel weird having something like that done for 'free' - so later when i went to get my el cheapo "dog food tacos" from - well.. an un-named fast food place near by--- i got a gift card that would buy their family dinner-- some night-- and took it over later on.) she obviously chased me back to my yard-- trying not to accept it- saying she wanted to do it-- but she is old-er... and i could just see she was tired... so i thanked her again and told her to just take the night off-- she accepted it.... but not before she tore some viney things off the tree on the dividing fence between our yards. i could only help, and chuckle. i hope i have half her energy when i'm -- ummm... 60 sumthin?
anyhow-- obviously after cleaning-trimming the bed out there-- i had to rake and sweep etc.. so do i have to also say-- it didn't help my back for the rest of the day one bit? that's when i scratched the dog food off the list. ugh. right along with the duvet cover search. and a few other errands. whatever else i did, i did from home -- until--

soulkid called from the nurses office at school... i had to go get her early cuz she didn't feel good. bummer. but nuthin major. honestly, i just think she's been screwin around and stayin up too late. grrrrrrr.. cuz not three minutes after we got home? she was in MY bed--- not having to tackle the stairs... sleepin like a baby. she stayed that way for about two hours. was i jealous? you know it. i needed a nap myself--
'what about me? what about my needs?' :))

so. that was my yesterday. or at least enough of it to make you sick. sorry.

as for my today? i do have an appointment that is just too close to a few stores with duvet covers to talk myself out of goin. so i most definitely will be making that search today. i will update you on that endeavor on my return..or maybe in the morning.

ok-- can ya hang in for just a couple more boring things? no more complaining-- i promise.

1- follow this link to read about how mental real fisherman can get.
i've been keepin up on this story for a week or two. this guy 'allegedly' cheated in a fishing tournament recently -- at a texas lake. no cheap tourney either. the payout was thousands of dollars! a guide on lake fork said he had caught - a similar- fish with him, and took it 'home' to show a buddy. ehem. suuuuure. he showed his buddy on a string under the water at lake ray hubbard . hmmm. next? at weigh in... this guy would have won the tournament-- but when they put this fish in a tank-- usually they are released-- the fish was put in a tank-- and SANK! he couldn't swim, move or anything. (how many more fish has this guy KILLED this way- i wonder)
so anyhow-- now this guy is back peddling, and denying everything. but that day--- he apologized. he has a wife and a kid or two. they are all ruined.
think about the difference one - one pound weight-- in a five fish bag at weigh in would make in a tournament guys. and extra five pounds? in tourneys that pay out over 100.000 dollars? people want to beat this guy up! and worse.
anyhow to read more about the cheatin bastard - go here:

http://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local-beat/Something-is-Fishy-69002292.html


ok-- i will let y'all go -- even tho i have more to say. i wanted to tell you about the kitties. i have a funny tale to tell :)) but i'll have to save it. boy do i feel foolish -- luckily all 3 of us do on this one , it's not just ME this time :))

anyhow peeps , i hope you all have happy days in your worlds today-
another busy one for me here-

random monday mumbling

(you know you wanna be married to HIM -
his dream, ever since i've known him?
to be an underwear model!!-
not really - but that's "the pose")

BWA HAHAHAHAHA

howdy peeps -- welcome to mental monday. :))
aww it aint that bad.. yet. that just came to mind so i wrote it. not bad for a out of hand monday around here though-- i may tuck that one away for when i can actually use it for a title.

anyhow-- i don't even know where to begin this post. a lot has happened, a lot needs to happen, and a lot will happen. should i roll dice or sumthin to see what i write about first? hmmm... i'm so confused.

as you can see, i am a bit scatterbrained this morning. i don't know about the rest of y'all but i slept really crappy last night. i'm blaming the time change-- but i really don't know what the deal was. i swear i woke up every hour, sometimes twice an hour. no idea wth was up with that. but i can't like it! i finally got up at 6 -- which i gotta say was better than any of the other times i was ready to give in.

i sat in my office -- where i sit, faces the street -- i haven't been able to do that in literally years, and i love it like you just don't understand. i feel like i have been let out of prison or something, when i sit here, and can actually see what goes on in the world-- rather than my back yard! :))
so, i was sittin here , drinkin coffee , chain smokin as per my normal morning routine -- when i notice what i haven't seen in months --- the sun rise! ahhhhh. what a beautiful sight. i'm so happy the sun comes up on this side of the house where i will be able to watch it every day! (a sailors delight - right?)

so anyhow. next on my mind? i had some funky dreams last night. i don't remember much of them. it's odd that i remember them at all. the only reason i can think of that i do remember - is because i woke up so often. but yep -- i had some strange dreams. a few of them had a couple of 'you' in them. don't get weird on me. it was nuthin 'bad'.. and i won't name names.. but it was weird. and one of you was on Diego Garcia with me! weeeeeird.

(Diego Garcia)

so. anyhow-- next? well, ever since before we moved into this house, there has been some kitties livin here too. a mamma, and her litter of maybe five babies. when we moved in they were all still hangin around. they were soooo awful skinny-- skin and bone-- literally. we found a home for one of siamese- ish babies. in the mean time-- we have been giving the food and water every day. it was just so sad to see them starving. as time went on, the kitties kind of dwindled down, and i hope that's because people have adopted them. i just don't want to think the worst in that case.
but we do still have mamma kitty and one black kitty left that hang around-- or at least show up when they're hungry -- and we of course feed them.
well... y'all. - somethin bad is happenin. i know you know me- and i bet ya guessed already. ugh. i'm gettin attached !!!! i cannot let these cats into my house! i refuse!
i just paid a fortune to de-claw my own two. i cannot bring two-- or even one more cat into my house. i don't want to take them to the pound. i know they'll get put down. leavin them outside is breakin my heart. the mamma kitty tries harder and harder to slip inside when i go out to feed them -- surely due to the colder weather.
i'm so worried about them. in the cold i mean. i have known.. or even had cats climb into car engines on cold nights to stay warm -- then the car gets started and they are badly injured -- or worse.
do y'all really think i need to add these cats to my list of worries?
do me a favor-- if you live in or near the DFW area -- take these cats -- please? they're sweet - they need warm homes. :((


hmmm, what else? are ya ready for me to shut up yet?
OH! i know-- the comforter! it's ALIIIIVE!!!
yep-- soulman washed it yesterday-- and it survived. i would have washed it myself-- but you see, i have a terrible fear of F'N up. so i avoid that at all costs. :))
actually. he knows these new-fangled machines better than i do -- i'm more a shove the crap in and turn it on type of wash and dry gal. he actually sorts, and uses the settings , and all that kinda thing. so -- i gave him the reigns on this -- with the agreement that if it exploded, like we were told was a possibility-- that it would just be somethin we'd live with.
well, guess what? it is perfect again! stainless, clean, dry , fluffy, and put in the closet---awaiting a duvet cover! - which btw -- i searched all over town for yesterday.
ok -- i went to three stores looking for. tj maxx, ross and marshalls. sure , go ahead, call me miss big spender. even at ross they only had one - ugly one- that was RED in king size-- for 70.00. ummm, no thank you. we got to marshalls - they didn't have ANY. tj maxx had one in king size --- guess what--- it was WHITE! ummm... i think we've been through this before right? so yup we passed. so i am still on a mission for a duvet cover. and my blanket that i want ON my bed is NOT. are you wonderin what we're usin? maybe not. i'll tell ya anyhow -- a queen sized -- yes it is too small -- blanket that we fight over at night. uuuuggggghhhh.



wish me luck in my duvet cover search today. if i find the time-- i am once again-- or should i say as usual -- BEHIND , in bills, and everything else.

also-- Eevee goes to the vet this mornin to get her spay stitches removed, and we have decided to find out what the cost would be to have her tumor removed -- without testing etc... just lop the damn thing off. if it is affordable or we can make a few payments we are gonna have her breast tumor removed. the previous 'quote' was over 1200.00, and obviously -- we don't have that. but maybe to just have it removed? that could be do-able. let's hope so.

ok folks -- i've blabbed enough --- even though i could blab some more :)) i won't torture you.

i must get this party started anyhow---

so i bid you farewell -- and awesome days in your worlds today!
laterz peoples!

new month a whole new 30 days to bitch about

well whaddayknow, we didn't get stuck at home last night afterall.
soulkid needed a ride to her friends house, just about the time we would leave if we were to see a movie, if we just so happened to go . so. what'd we do? we of course decided to go to the movies. we saw a movie i have been wantin to see since i first saw the trailer for it a couple weeks ago. i was not disappointed . nor was soulman. i'm tellin ya peeps , i put this movie in my top three of the YEAR. and yup it sure is, almost the end of the year. so i spose that makes it a pretty darn good movie--- considering the number of movies we watch. dontchya think?
so.. anyhow-- i bet y'all are wonderin.... 'WTH soul? WHAT movie!
ok... THIS movie---

this movie was so well thought out-- it was just one surprise after another. some things in the film were SO unexpected that not just me-- but a lot of folks literally jumped outta their chairs , and or screamed in at least two main places i can remember. this is one movie that you wanna go see with an empty bladder-- and don't drink a lot. you won't wanna miss ONE second, cuz you will surely miss something. trust me.. you have never seen anyone as angry as this guy-- no matter how mad you ever thought you were? he tops it ten fold.
definitely a MUST SEE--- and a DVD could never do it justice. splurge-- go to the movies!!! you won't be disappointed !
(not for kids-- even mines age-- it's intense!)

so anyhow-- that was my last night.

unless ya wanna hear about my sleep-- or lack of -- issues yet again- last night??
ummm yeh-- i thought not.

oh but wait--
my kid actually was thoughtful enough to call when she was safely back at her friends house last night-- she sounded good, sounded like she had a good time, and woo hoo-- she actually stayed out of trouble.

it was a good night

hope you all had good and safe nights teeeeeeeew

photo challenge failure :((

my apologies folks. surely you didn't think i'd actually have any pix today; after such a week? well, i'm sorry, but really, i don't. i was looking forward to doin this one with the Halloween theme too. i just wasn't out and about much , or when i was, well, let's just say, i wasn't in the photo snapping mood. i know. i'm a fuddy duddy. maybe next time.
NO wait - i take that back. next time - for sure. i do enjoy the photo challenge, it's usually my bad memory, and i'm sometimes a little slow gettin the pix up. this time it was just me and my bad attitude.
the worst part, is i don't even have any in my reserve stash :((
so anyhow -- i bet there are some real good ones out there, i'll be cruisin around to check those out in a while-.

ok back to your regularly scheduled souling :))

so folks, i hope y'all are doin well today. saturday. ahhhhhh. i don't know about y'all, but i was hopin to sleep in a little this mornin. did it happen? well, only if 5 a.m. is sleepin in... and to me, it aint. especially when last night, i'm finally asleep-- it's like midnight-- or a little after-- and what do i hear? the friggin jet tub in the master bathroom. lovely. 'soulman', since when do you take baths at midnight??? ugh.
nevermind, but that little fiasco cost me an hour sleep. then he gets in bed, and tells me his alarm is set to go fishin-- on the lake -- do i wanna go?
umm... hello? i've been stuck on my ass, for the better part of two days -- and it'll be like 35 degrees in the morning.. no, i won't be goin fishin. thank you.
he wouldn't even tell me what time he set it for after i told him-- in my devil voice "gawd, i may as well just get up right now". ugh. i told ya... i'm gettin just mean lately.
you can say it too-- 'soul, you're a downright bitch'.
so anyhow-- i did go back to sleep-- that time. til 5. then i wake up all freezin, with the blanket all on his side-- and all kindsa noise out here goin on. of course i covered up and tried to go back to sleep-- but i just had to get up. whenever he goes out on the boat alone -- well, i just don't like it. so i got up to see him off, make sure he had everything-- remind him to wear his life jacket -- all that 'wifey advice' ya know.
he asked again if i wanted to go. there i was , standing in front of the fireplace, shivering, --- 'ummmm, no thanks.. you just be careful, ok?.
then he was off with a kiss and a cuppa coffee.
and there i was , with my dog (eevee) and a cig, tryin to get warm. only wishing that i was goin. a year ago? you bet i'da been in that truck in a heartbeat!

it really sucks feeling left out of your own life. i know several of you feel this way, and know what i mean. it's just really gettin to me lately though ya know? it makes me angry. this entire thing over the last -- however long -- literally makes me think of the five stages of grief. and i have reached the stage of anger. off the top of my head i don't remember them all - or the order of them.. i do know there is denial, and anger, and acceptance , in the mix-- i am surely a long way away from acceptance. ugh.

(ya gotta watch this)

so. today is Halloween. i hope any of y'all with kids or grandkids that will be out and about-- don't worry too much. and that the young'ns stay safe, out of trouble, and come home just the way they left.
mine's gettin older -- and you just know i worry myself sick wonder how much trouble she's gonna find herself in... or allow to find her.
i'm just gonna say my prayers, send her off with a hug and a kiss... and HOPE she makes good decisions, and calls me when she gets where she's stayin tonight. ugh. i hate worryin about her-- but i spose it keeps my ticker tickin :)) for now.

as for us old folks? i don't think we've planned anything.. so it's prolly sittin home for us. no big deal tho. i'm really gettin used to that. again. just as i was beginning to grow some semblance of a life. grrrrrrr.


i reckon that's all i got for now.
oh-- besides the fact that anyone who likes "Train" needs to buy their new CD -- even if you don't like em... you will. go get it :))

happyy halloweeeeeen
ha ha ha ha ha
(i used to have a toy pumpkin that 'said' that. he was a bit creepy .)

be safe folks-

who knew?

hey peeps-- happy frickin friday-- finally!
it seems like it would never get here. really- it shoulda been friday, days ago. seems so, anyhow.

well -- want more on the comforter saga? it's in my car . why? well, i did take it to the cleaners yesterday. then after i went through my sob story about the whole cat ordeal. she tells me i won't get it back til monday or tuesday! hell. i knew it would take a couple days, but that just seems TOO long. i'm like why so long? she shows me the 'care tag' -- now shit, who in the world reads those!?
did y'all have ANY idea that down was machine washable? and actually NOT to be dry cleaned?? i had no idea. i always thought it was like crystal or diamonds or something. i treated that thing like a baby. i wouldn't dare have thought i could dare put it in a washing machine. it's fluffy, soft, delicate feathers people. who would soak it in a machine??? hmmmm..... apparently, everyone! except, me. (i wish i had every feather pillow i ever tossed in the trash -- ugh. machine washable. who the hell knew?

so. needless to say-- i kept it. i wasn't gonna pay them 30 or more dollars to machine wash-- and keep my blanket for almost a week-- and still maybe not get the stains out.
hell i can ruin it myself for free :)) so back in my car it went. and stayed.
i will work on it today --

i would have worked on it yesterday, because i do want it on my bed.. we really love it when it's cold. it's wonderful! but , well, you see.... the weirdest thing happened as i was runnin my errands yesterday. i had several real quick stops after takin soulkid to school. post office box-- pick up, and mail,, then pick up an rx, then hell i don't know one or two more quick things, then i had to go to target--- first i HAD to get a different cat food-- this daily cat puke surprise 'everywhere' was about to kill me, and i also wanted to get the new 'Train" CD-- if you listened to the 'hey soul sister' video the other day-- woo boy-- i love train... my kid says Train writes their songs for ME. i thought that was pretty funny.
anyways-- back to my story-- my back was hurtin when i woke up-- remember?, well, i took meds, and it chilled for a while-- but there i am , in target-- when suddenly -- i may as well have been shot in the back! (no, i've never been shot-- so i'm only guessin at the level of pain) -- but that's how fast, and bad the pain came. i didn't know what to think, or really even what to do. i had a cart-- which was good-- cuz i prolly woulda dropped everything - and maybe even dropped to my knees as well. it was just horrible.
if i didn't have pain meds at home, i would have headed to the hospital. that's how bad and sudden it was. so i just took what i had-- a fraction of what i went for-- but i did have my train cd, the cat food, and a couple other things i went for-- i paid for that and headed right home.
first thing i did was get my damn bra off-- if i could've i woulda took it off in the car-- it was killing my back. so was the tag on my shirt-- i just had to get those things OFF immediately if not sooner. so i did. then texted hubby to see if he could pick up soulkid, and swallowed some pain pills. i usually take two when the pain gets bad-- this time i took 3. i don't know for sure if i have ever taken three at once, but this was near crippling, crying, pain. and if you're wonderin-- nope-- not lucky enough to get stoned...and too chicken to find out how many it would take. i was afraid to go to 3-- surely you don't think i'd attempt 4? nevermind... i wouldn't.
anyhow-- the pain did ease up over the next half hour or so. thank God. (oh and yes -- hubby was gettin off in time to get the kid-- or no-- i wouldn't have taken more than the 2 pills.-- i'm not an idiot.) altho..... :))


ok--- one more topic and i am outta heah----

bah---- nevermind--- i'll save it--- i like to torture smocha like this :))
love ya sis hahhahahahahah (smoooooooch!)

y'all have happy fridays -- and even better weekends!

from colon to eye ball - woo hoo !!

howdy my friends,

how are y'all on this fine fine october day? this october that is almost over-- i might add. that's the part i like best, you know. only a few days and october is behind me for exactly 12 more months. crap-- or is it 11 months? i aint doin math right now. i'll figure it out later. the point is -- one of my most hated months of the year - is over. at least as far as i'm concerned it's over. all the 'bad' days are behind me.

haha "behind me" ... funny i titled this post with the dreaded medical procedures in mind -- and -- i said 'behind me' at least a couple a times, without really thinkin about it. that's sort of a Freudian slip , aint it?

so anyhow -- i woke up entirely way too early this morning, but i couldn't help it really. it was all over but the cryin for the most part anyways. i kept wakin up-- and tryin to go back to sleep from about 230 a.m. on.
but around 3 ish -- here comes sushi jumpin on the bed-- all burrowing her head under my chin. i was kinda half awake anyhow-- so i say -- in a whisper - cuz i didn't wanna wake up soulman, i say -- sushi, you wanna go outside? -- she went all nutcase on me. so apparently that was a resounding YES!

i had to get up then to put her out, so i put eevee out too. and just stayed up. my back of course was killing me -- which was why i couldn't sleep to begin with. so anyhow... i been up most of the time since around 230 or 3. i already know that i will pay for that later. or someone else will. :))

so -- i see that i keep gettin distracted -- 'from colon to eyeball' --- you do know where i'm goin with that right? the upcoming colonoscopy and endoscopy. which was, and has been scheduled for november 9th. it really takes -- at least for me -- prolly more mental prep than physical. i mean that part is no fun at all either -- but i really have to get my mind ready for all of that -- like the whole ball-o-wax "that".
and i have never had both done at the same time --- nor have i been under full anesthesia for this before.
i have only been 'all the way under' two times.... the first time , i was non stop pukin for about nine hours. the second, my BP dropped and the nurse freaked out.. til i reminded her of the addisons. ugh. it took me a minute of freakin out with her -- but when i remembered -- all was ok, they just watched me for a while longer til it went back up.
so anyhow-- yep-- there i was all 'ready' to go.. had my calendar marked to not make plans , etc... cuz well it'll be a 2 day prep for me , cuz i am one of the lucky ones who , well, nevermind, i just need a little extra help.
so-- i get a call -- yesterday-- the gastro 'lady' - tells me they can't get the anesthesiologist out here -- in podunk -- on my scheduled day -- so i have to re-schedule to the following week. woo - hoo. so much for my mindset-- now i have to start all over :((
BUT-- on the bright side? there's like three movies comin out the weekend of the 6th-
that i was a bit bummed out (hha- there i go again) abouut not gettin to see-- now i will be able to. so anyhow. that's that. (well , that part)

next?
do y'all wanna hear more on the cat barf comforter? you know i'll tell ya anyhow-- so just agree -- or go-- i'll miss you if you leave, but i won't hold ya hostage. :(( ok--- well, first of all.. i did attempt-- intensely -- to clean the adult ass sized cat puke stain from my comforter. it didn't help. ever since i've discovered the miracle of peroxide -- this is the first time it has failed me. but -- it is also the first time that i have had such a stain -- on white. linen. ugh. so. peroxide fail.

later-- i figured i'd drop it off at the dry cleaners today -- because well, yet again-- i canceled my outside errands yesterday-- and worked on my office, bills and stuff like that here. just didn't feel like runnin around town.

so. the day rolls on. and on. gosh it was a long day.
anyhow-- i finally go to bed. early for me.. well.. regular time for me actually -- but i bet early for most of you-- but i go to bed.. and WHAT do you think is the first thing i see???? OMG! you're right! but this time-- it took some investigation. i called soulman in there-- i thought it came from the other end to be honest. it really -- to be honest-- looked like little sushi nuggets. we both decided , no-- it had no smell for one thing-- and for two-- it just was too similar-- in ways to the other -- puke-- we've been dealing with-- since bowl one of this particular bag of cat food -- which don't even bother asking -- my cats will be eating no more of. i will let the strays have it.
anyhow-- yep-- my morning and evening delights. i am sickened. soulman cleaned that one up-- but again. peroxide failed us --- is it the material of the comforter? or just the nuclear cat barf?? i am ill over it.

but i don't spose i need to say that i didn't get the new duvet cover yesterday. or did i already say that? oh hell. i don't even know anymore. but i didn't get one. i need to get one. and like brad said -- yup-- i just may go with goth black. ahhh-- maybe green, will match the puke stains nicely?

bleh. double bleh.

ya know-- i had somethin else to tell y'all-- but this is just too long and boring already -- so i'll save it for tomorrow.

it's almost the weekend -
happy days to you all in your worlds --

my body clock is losin time

hiya peoples-
another wednesday eh?
feels like it should be friday. this week is goin fast, but it seems slow, so it seems later in the week than it is. hmm, somehow that doesn't seem like i worded it right-- but regardless-- it seems like it's not wednesday. but more like the end of the week. and i wish it was.

nevermind.

but anyhow-- for only bein the middle of the week, i also feel like i should have accomplished a ton more than i have. i haven't done squat. almost. i have done a few things. but for the most part -- know what i've done? well, squat. yep. ya know how they say that back 'injuries' -- or back pain-- doesn't usually catch up with ya for a day or two??? believe it. somehow -- that little bit of trivia had slipped my mind the other day. you know, the day that i had tried to keep busy, and not feel sorry for myself. i went fishin, and to the movies, and did a few other things? yeh, well. i felt good, and kinda took advantage of that and did even more --- until-- mid day-- the next day.
that's when it happened. that's when the big bad back monster bit me. that's when the pain i had expected the day before-- from fishin, standin, walkin, etc etc.... hit me like a ton of bricks. i was pretty close to good for nuthin-- for the next two days-- or day and a half- or whatever. ugh. no need to ask if i've been fishin since-- or anywhere actually. i've been here at home since. except for school taxi-- and very little -- if anything else.

when i am housebound-- i become bitchy--(er) :)) -- and depressed.. and nobody likes me. even my sushi doesn't like me. she gets over excited about the goings on outside since she got spayed -- her yapping and barking is gonna kill me. so i'm even bitchy at her lately. poor baby.

i even called the moving company this morning-- perhaps in search of someone to bitch at? well -- i'm just too damn 'nice' for my own good. i couldn't be mean to him.
the man is losing his business, lost his house, living with his brother, etc etc etc. the mans life sounds like he has been touched by MY curse. i just let it go. my intent was to try and get a settlement out of court -- just because this resentment i am carrying about the robbery is contributing to my stress level, that is in turn, making me have belly probs. i figured if i could just get some type of 'closure' on this.. i would stop dwelling or thinking of it so much. right? well, wrong. i wished him the best in his string of bad luck-- and ended it. it's over. the whole thing. i'm just out-- out my jewelry-- out of luck-- and out of gas.

so what else? have i said one positive thing in this entire post yet? i don't think so. i'm sorry. this was not my intention. i thought i might have somethin good to say next-- but-- well the next thing on my mind is this:

about a month ago, i put my beautiful, 200.00, down filled , WHITE, comforter, in the cleaners. i got it back a couple days later... as the weather got chillier and chillier , i got more and more anxious to put it on my bed.
but with it being white-- and soon, TWO dogs in heat-- i couldn't put it on the bed yet.
then after that -- TWO cats gettin de-clawed -- i had to wait for their little feets to stop bleedin. then -- of course we had loads of rain. for- evah---- finally two- maybe three days ago-- i said screw it... i was cold, and i wanted to put my dang comforter on my bed--- still, with no new duvet cover--- shoot me, i been busy.. so anyhow-- take a wild guess what happened last night. just a shot in the dark. any takers? i know someone guessed it. who was it? i bet you were right. ready? yep. you guessed it.
i woke up this mornin, turned on the light, and guess what i saw at the foot of my bed, on my beautiful , down filled, white comforter???? GREEN hairball filled, cat barf!!!!!
OMG!!!! i am still mortified. there is also a heapin helpin of the same on the back of my 'executive' office desk chair-- which was also not cheap.
yes-- i will be breakin out the peroxide and toothbrushes and rags in a while. i know-- i shoulda done it already-- but i have had other things to do. but i am so not happy about this.
and-- i will be going to buy a duvet cover TODAY. i would already have one-- but if y'all recall, we kinda got raked over the coals last pay period as far as cash goes-- like with -- eevee gettin spayed 300 bill, soulkids 180 dental bill, my 190 medical bill, my car payment - that i won't speak of - cuz it makes me gag, which have all in themselves left us pretty broke for the last four or five days. (not mentioning life's own necessities ) broker than we've been for a while. it wasn't fun. lemmee tell ya. we had to resort to plastic just to get thru -- now we have to pay that back. ugh.

so. i'm sure there's more-- but holy cripes... is that a word? is it a word i should say? hmm. i don't even know where it came from. anyhow--- i think i should shut my mouth for the day.

i just thought i should post-- perhaps i was kinda wrong? don't answer that-

just have a happy humpday in your worlds--

jibber jabber

mornin folks--

how's things at your place?

here? oh just peachy. or would that be dandy? hmmm. i'll go with peachy for today. not a bad mornin so far. i actually slept til almost 9 a.m. -- but i was up til 1 a.m. so i don't know if i can get excited and call it sleepin in or not. but hell, i'll take it.



and besides that? it's one of those "our teachers are too busy to teach your kids today, so keep em at home" days. so hell, all the better. do they think i enjoy racin the clock every day? well i don't , so sure -- i'll take a day off. and you just know my kid and every other in the district is thrilled to no end with a monday off.
(even if mine does have an eye exam this afternoon-- she's the one that let a friend play with-- and eventually-- lose or steal her glasses--- so who's fault is it that she can't see in class? ummm not mine.)

as for me and my yesterday- ?
i just stayed busy. i knew it was comin, and i also knew that i was not gonna allow myself to sit in this house and wallow in self pity. the boy's been gone for a very long time, and me sittin here crying over it -- is surely not what he would want for me.

so--- i didn't. know what i did? i faced my pain and my fear of my pain, and me and hubby went and fished at the creek, and the pond. neither of us caught a single fish-- but that wasn't the point. i got out. i went fishin y'all. that was the first time i had been fishin since the 'rhizotomy'. THAT is what my son would want for me. that is what my family HERE wants for me--- is to get up and face the fear and pain.. and live again.

i was afraid i might end up in bed for the rest of the day for goin fishin-- i didn't -- i was only in bed for a few hours :)) and woke up feelin fine-- no permanent damage... and not a whole lot worse than before.

i then watched a couple hours of tv with the hubby, then -- we all went and picked up soulkids boyfriend, and went to the movies--- i never go see a 10 pm movie folks. i am old and set in my ways and 10 pm is passed my bedtime. but i went ahead and did that too. and i had a good day!

(the movie sucked though-- another -- let me suffer for you-- don't listen to the critics-- they lie! "paranormal activity" is NOT and could never be the scariest movie you've ever seen. -- like they say. it's ok.. to watch -- but the ending is just ridiculous.
half the theater said out loud
"THAT"S IT?"
that oughtta tell ya-- save your money-- and move to the next one on your list!

anyhow-- that was my day-- and it was a good one. spent with the living. :))

happy monday peeples!

happy birthday to my favorite angel

Patrick
10-25-1988 to 3-19-1989

what else ya got ? i can take it :))

please sir, can i have some more?

mornin y'all

terrific -- the great mystery underlining has joined us. hmmm.

anyhow-- it'll go away eventually. maybe. it's just one- a - those things that likes to mess with me ya know. i'm learning to just deal with it.

so-- where was i? nowhere really -- yet. so, let's get a move on. here it is, saturday morning. the day i was lookin forward to of stayin in my jammies, bein lazy -- an no-- i'm not 'always lazy' as some may think. but yeh.. my lazy , jammy saturday -- with no kid taxi or errands or dr's involved -- has kinda flown out the window. yes, already.
it began with wakin up --- for no apparent reason other than.. being me -- at 6 a.m. was i happy about that? hell no.
i may have been ok any of the days last week that i would have liked some quiet time in the morning, or perhaps a shower without having to come back from school to take it. things like that ya know. but as for this morning? nope. i woulda loved a mystery 'why did i sleep til 9 a.m. day.' didn't happen tho. prolly cuz i went to bed too early. but that was much needed too. no laptop. no nuthin. nope-- no sleep smokin, or sleep bloggin, and jlee-- no sleep eatin either... i guess i haven't told you those stories yet--- it's been done-- and soulman has PICTURES! ugh :))
it's a dangerous habit-- another i am trying to break. i thought eatin in bed would be safer than smokin--- it's not. trust me on this. best thing to do after xanax? lay down and do nothing! don't speak, eat, type, smoke, or move-- and everyone will be better off for it. :))

oh , i also had to have my first -- thrown into the fire-- sink-or-swim-- learn to use the new coffee maker -- or have no coffee -- lesson this morning-- guess what?
i passed. piece of cake. i kinda new it would be-- i just fear new things. hubby has had his truck longer than i have had my car--- i am still afraid to drive his truck. of course it is the size of three of my cars--- but it scares me. i refuse to drive it-- other than to pull the boat out of the water. ugh.

alright enough bs'n around ...

lemmee just answer a few things from my 'many' comments from yesterdays post. -- oh i know it's a weekend-- y'all have better things to do that blog. but for those who did say stuff-- better here than there-- cuz a lot of folks -- other than those who asked stuff in there-- don't go there -- so:

1- donna -- damn straight-- the only break i get -- is in a bone :))
and you just don't know how MUCH i hate to cry! -- i feel out of control or something.
i hate it , and i don't 'want to cry'. it sneaks up on me-- and 'i can't like it'
i hope you have a happy saturday!

2- Smocha -- as for --
'what is the gastro doc 'lookin for' ??

well -- i went in to see him with symptoms of --

pain, nausea, reflux/heartburn, and no appetite-and "early saity" - which is gettin full too fast. --- which can lead to malnutrition.. weight loss etc. (damn the bad luck huh? :))

well, that is why he ordered the upper gastro test-- "endoscopy" -- because YES-- bad me-- i have been takin loads of excedrine -- which by '' several'' dr's orders i am NOT supposed to take-- ever again.
sometimes i have no choice. i have a near daily headache -- all of which aren't migraines.. i take imitrex for migraines-- that is rx'd , and limited -- of course -- and obviously it does 'things to your veins, and shit in your brain-- which -- i already have problems with ("vasculitis") -- so -- anyhow -- yes -- i do eat tons of excedrine.. and i KNOW it's not good for me. so they were gonna go in and look for bleeding ulcers-- bleeding anything-- and just check on 'things. i've been too stressed -- and as you know-- i "stuff just about everything" -- even he told me i had to find something other than 'internalizing all this stuff.

and just so ya know-- if i didn't mention it-- during my mental attack at the pain doc yesterday-- she said the same thing-- suggested -- hypno-therapy-- a therapist-- acupuncture-- she knows what this is doing to me-- but i told her if i did 'talk -- or even whine about 'everything' -- no one would put up with it.
the mere 'how are you' -- is a rhetorical question, with me. there's no need for me to speak -- nobody wants to hear it.

anyhow-- THEN the labs come back to show -- anemia-- and that throws up a red flag-- so on top of lookin for a belly bleed -- they have to look for a rectal-- or whatever -- at that end-- bleed as well.

so y'all -- how's the weather at your place!!!!! ??????

please do have fantastic weekends -- enjoy the fams and friends -- and i'm buyin a round for everyone-- just send the bill my way :))

welcome to my world

yep-- i can't count the number of times that phrase has entered my mind today. and this day isn't even close to half way over. is it? maybe it is-- i don't know-- and i am in no shape to attempt math. so screw it.

anyhow. yep, that's the quote of the day-- "F my life". know what else? "there's an ap for that" :))
i even have it on my phone -- i rarely read it- but when i do -- i think to myself -- i could top that one. IF only i could remember my log-in info.

it just sucks to be me sometimes.

look what time it is. goin on 1:45 in the afternoon. i've been runnin all mornin long- well, all day if ya wanna look at it that way. have i done one thing for 'me'? umm, not really.
what have i done?
well.. i woke up later than i wanted to. which could be good -- but it wasn't. i had to go into panic/rush mode and get the kid out of bed and motivated. -- then off to school.

while she was doin that -- i had to smoke and choke -- and at the same time -- do my bills and bank and that sort of thing -- and skip my blog time-- and shower. :((
and make my 'list' for the day.

then we had to go -- i took her to school-- imediately had to head to my doctor appointment--
which was at my pain management doc---
a story all it's own.... one that i dreaded. i don't know why. they treat me very well there. the only place in my entire pain-life, that has not treated me like a drug seeker-- drug addict-- liar-- scammer -- etc. ugh. but -- when you have been treated like-- told to your face -- and refused meds because you just have 'that look' -- it's just frickin hard to 'get over', and feel trusted.
so anyhow--- a couple days ago-- maybe yesterday -- i called my pharmacy -- to refill my meds -- i still had a few days worth left -- i just didn't want to run out on the weekend and be left hangin. did they call me to ask questions??? NO--- they called my dr -- THEN they called me. why did they call "us"?? to inform us -- that they were 'refusing' to fill my prescription. because i had been filling too many rx's for these meds.
ummm.... excuse the hell out of me!!!! i had explained -- more than once to these mother f'ers -- that these meds had been raised 'verbally' by my DOCTOR -- due to the many procedures over the last couple of months-- they --- the pharmacy -- should have something faxed over with the NEW dosage!!!
UGH!!! did they? ummm... NO---- instead they just continued to fill them.. then they call my doctor and ACCUSE ME OF ABUSING?SELF RAISING my meds. and refuse to refill ANY more.
i was totally on the defense when i went in today to my doc-- ESPECIALLY -- when i had to take a PISS TEST!
ugh--- come to find out-- it was just time for that-- and i was treated more than normal.. and human.. by my dr. she said 'fuck them'.. change pharmacy's"

lol-- half the time i was there -- i was crying. not just cuz of the med issues... just the bullshit i have been dealing with for three months. it's just gettin very heavy y'all. i don't know how much more i can take. i just wanna be left the fuck alone. ya know. i am not a healthy person. i don't need any crap from people. i just wanna be ok. i wanna go fishin. i wanna drive my car. i wanna hang pix in my house. i wanna clean my house. i wanna cook meals , i wanna go grocery shopping. i wanna take my kid to the mall. it's not that damn much to ask. i just wanna live my life without pain, and i wanna do it without people fuckin with me.

oh-- and i didn't mention this yet-- after i got back from my dr-- not to mention-- skipping the few stops on the way home that i really needed to make--- cuz i couldn't not cry.

i get home-- feed the animals, put the dogs out-- that kinda stuff -- my phone rings.
guess who it is? the gastro doc. guess what they say -- not the doc-- the 'lady' of course. well.. she tells me -- my labs came back. hmmm, well guess what--

1- i'm anemic (again)
2- not only will i be gettin an upper GI
3- i will be gettin a lovely lower as well
4 -- at the same time
5 - under full anesthesia
6 -- it doesn't get any better than this

happy happy weekends folks

someone please go get extremely DRUNK for me please
good gawd i'm thirsty!!!!

have i mentioned i hate october

hiya folks-

hope y'all are doin well when ya find yourself here.

me? ugh. just a mornin. same ol- same ol - for the first hour out of bed. fightin pain, and doin the smoke n choke . aside from that? freezin. it's damn chilly here this mornin. it rained all day yesterday-- and all last night. we had flash flooding throughout the area.. but the 'area '' (DFW) -- is enormous, as you know.. and the news only last so long--- so i really don't know what i will be facing on my morning adventures of takin soulkid to school and runnin errands. or soulman either, as he heads the opposite direction going to work. last night.. our street was like a flooded creek though. it was bad. they still have flash flood warnings goin on this morning.

anyone ever actually been IN a flash flood? well, i have -- three actually. those were all in vehicles. no fun. at all. i could happily live the rest of my life not repeating that.
let's hope the rain eases up shall we.

i hope to keep my runnin around to a minimum today-- but y'all know, i pretty much canceled my day yesterday, so there are a few things i cannot cancel today. my poor kitties are starving, and yacking at me this morning. they were out of food yesterday-- no, i didn't starve them.. they feasted on canned salmon actually. but , this morning they aren't very happy, and are sqealin at me to feed them-- the food that was 'on my list' yesterday :(( -- that i didn't get.

hmmm... i thought i was about done here-- yes i know-- a damn exciting post eh?
well anyhow... i know i almost never -- if ever-- have a nice thing to say about my mom-- when i speak of her. but ya know--- she was my mom. and if you haven't noticed-- this last couple weeks, she's come up-- subtly -- in several of my posts.
well.. that would be because i have been thinking of her for a while lately. not by choice-- trust me. i know how horrible that sounds.. and i apologize to those who don't know as much about her as some others do.

bottom line-- she is dead. her last years 'here' could have , and surely would have - been better for her-- if she hadn't been 'the way' she was. even so-- we -- her kids, her sister, maybe a couple of them... we really tried to help her -- it was impossible in some ways. in other ways -- for me -- she was too far away for me to do for her things some others were able to do. but when i could help -- i did what i could.
can you tell.. the gift that keeps on giving-- still gives (guilt)-
but like i said -- she was my mom-- and yesterday was her birthday. so yeh. not a great day for me. most years are much easier than yesterday, but none go by without her on my mind. i think the older -- maybe the 'sicker' -- i get... the more i think of how her last years were. i wonder if or how i coulda made them better for her. and i know i couldn't have done more than i did. i believe that. i tried . it didn't work. no fault of mine--or my families. it just didn't work.
so anyhow. one october birthday out of the way.

just so ya know--- there's another one comin.. in just a few days--- when i get over that hump--- maybe i can get back to my ole self.
maybe.

happy almost the weekend folks

WTH - Wednesday

man o man peeples -
i really gotta stop that. - the sleep bloggin. it never turns out well.
i did do good about (not) smokin tho. (yes i was in bed too ) i usually just about burn the damn house down when i push myself to stay awake. and don't bother askin why i do that . i can't answer . i don't know. i always complain about not bein able to sleep -- but then when i am tired -- or even over tired -- i fight to stay awake like i'm gonna miss something. ugh. i have issues. what can i say? nuthin. no excuse for my bad behavior.

anyhow -- i noticed i skipped -- or missed -- forgot -- whatever -- the main part of my texting while driving story -- wanna hear??? anyhow -- i'll tell ya regardless.
i was trying -- very hard -- to tell soulman that i was driving and couldn't text. all i was trying to write was "drivin".. like i usually do. so anyhow -- all i could get out on my three attempts was -- "se" -- yep-- three times. finally -- i managed to type "call".
so, a few minutes later, he calls me. i can't see-- and i have a very hard time if i look at the radio-- gps- phone whatever-- then back at the road... so when i looked at the phone and back to the road -- ugh, well, i was over the line -- headin to the wrong side of the road-- luckily -- i was on the opposite side of one of the very few 'hills' in this town :)) --- but what do you think i saw coming over the hill??? i saw the top of a black n white !! yep a cop car !!! holy crap ! (i thought) .
could you imagine? hittin a damn cop - head on -- while cell phoning and driving??
that , i imagine, would NOT make for a good day. ya think?
so anyhow-- luckily -- very luckily i should say -- i had recovered my position before his windshield made it over the "hill". can we say "panic attack" ?
bleh. so anyhow -- i was very happy i did not hit that cop. and yes -- i kept the call short -- it was about eevee and her vet stuff. ugh. kids. what can ya do.

ok. so anyhow- WTH has happened ? did i blink? last week, i filled my car up with gas. i think i paid like 2.19 a gallon. maybe even 2.16. what the hell ? this morning my fuel light came on while takin soulkid to school. so, on the way home, i stopped -- at the same station as before -- guess what i had to pay for gas? 2.45 !!! WHY???
what gives?

i have to get to the grocery store today too... i'm afraid to go. y'all don't wanna know how long it's been since i been there. i'm sure the sticker shock will drop me to my knees. UGH.

ok.
anyhow--
i think i'm done.. another busy day ahead, but thank the Lord.. not AS busy as lately.

it's cold and raining and i just wanna get right back into my jammies and light the fire.
i'm hoping hubby can pick up the child today-- if so-- after my runnin around is done-- so am I --- :))

happy humpday my friends... stay warm, stay dry , and be happy today !

beyond sleep bloggin-

howdy folks--
how goes it? i hope you all had good days. from what i saw around the blogs, it didn't look too devastating.. so i hope that's true-- and everyone is doin ok out there.

as for here? ugh lawd. i hate to admit it -- but once again i am sleep bloggin. if i was smart-- and we all know my position in that category --- but -- if i was -- smart -- i would just close this thing up, and drift off to la la land. but nooo. i'm like a stubborn little baby -- and i won't do that til i get what i want. what is it that i want? to post. that's what. so-- here i am. sleep bloggin. again. sorry. apologies - in advance.

so -- about my day? not that you asked. but it is my blog , and my days and stuff are usually what i write about -- and mostly what you come to read about -- right? so-- as for my day today? busy. and long. again. i thought it would never end. in fact -- it still hasn't. and won't, until i get this post up-- swhut down the laptop -- and then maybe another half hour or so will pass-- and i am really hoping i will be asleep by that point.

so yeh. this day was another neverending day. filled with business, errand, kids, and dogs, and dr's, and stuff like that kinda thing.

OMG -- i gotta cut this short-- i just dozed off-- and nope-- i wasn't smokin :)) at the moment. better pop in some nicotine gum to last me til lights out. too close to dozin off with a lit cig. i'm gettin way too stupid about that.

anyhow--- part of my day included -- the obvious takin soulkid to schoool. then i went and had some labs done (for the gastro dr.) -- then came home-- let the dogs out while i took a shower.. checked out eevee-- noticed she didn't eat-- drink-- or even move , well, hardly at all. she was outside while a showered-- in for maybe an hour or so til i had to leave again. before i left, i tried to give her a pain pill. no easy task when she had NO interest in food. i tried to sneak the pill in a cat treat. finally i just stuck the pill way way back in her jaw next to her way back teeth til she eventually had no choice but to swallow it. then i had to crate them both back up and head back out for more runnin around.


hubby texted me at a very bad time btw. i cannot focus- refocus to text and drive. i either ignore it til i stop somewhere --- ignore it completely -- or-- if i feel extra-skilled i'll throw a quick text back. or sometimes a quick "i'm drivin"
a while later, i'll get a call or text later.
and i did. and when i did-- i attempted to send the --" drivin" text. usually, i do ok with that-- and folks know it means i'm drivin and cannot focus well enough to be textin at the moment.

shit-- soulman just came in and busted me -- asleep-- good thing i didn';t have a cig goin. i really need to shut up n go to sleep-- off the laptop, preferably.

anyhow-- i took eevee to the vet this afternoon... she'sok-- just sick and crappy feelin from the surgery/meds, etc. they gave her a shot for nausea. later she was able to eat, and looked a tiny bit better.. but has to sleep in her crate tonight. :(( poor thing. she's not feelin good at all.

and below- is sushi bitchin at the stray mama kitty on our porch-
she can be so jealous at times.
little nerd.

ok, that's it outta me-- i'm goin ta sleep--
nite y'all.

happy nite-- or happy humpday-- whichever it is when you see this.

to edit -- or not to edit -- to delete is the question

that's me lately--
yep-- scatterbrained.

i just read my post from last night. bah! did i consider deleting it? oh yeh. did i think about editing it? yup-- more than once. then i thought... why bother. y'all know i take meds at night -- and even if i didn't, y'all know i have those moments of just not bein able to think or type. so. i aint gonna try to correct the misspelling -- missed words-- or the typos. if i can fill in the blanks, and read the typos--- y'all have surely learned by now how to figure em out? right?
if not-- i do apologize. i was sleep - bloggin. and obviously -- i shouldn't have been bloggin at all.

so. to move on to other things. this 'person' on my mind -- is not any one of y'all. so you don't need to wonder-- in case you are. k?
i do have some real people in my life-- just not many. apparently just enough to make me crazy sometimes.

and the part i mentioned about crossin the line when bein teased-- again-- not y'all. just bs real life stuff again. really-- i wonder why total strangers feel comfortable with me as their target. sometimes it can be fun-- when i feel like playin. but i don't always feel playful. ya know. i just don't get it. i don't do that to people i don't know.

anyways. it didn't bother me... i just wondered about it.

so. i don't think i have much else to say this mornin.
i'm workin on my list.
gettin the kid up for school.
fed the strays on the porch.
already paid a couple bills online.
just gettin the day rollin.

eevee -- ugh. hubby said to keep her in her crate last night-- but i felt sorry for her. she just looked soooo stoned and pitiful.. so i let her loose and in my room to sleep--- well.. ubby hates to sleep with the door shut. sooo-- we awoke to a terrible mess.
at first we thought she peed -- but the more we thought about it-- we realized that might be difficult for her to pee -- like EIGHT times!!! and with a GREEN tint. so now we think she may have been ill from the anesthesia. hubby spent his first hour out of bed shampooing carpets-- in the living room, office, and hallway. poor guy-- and poor eevee. i'll have to keep her crated , and keep an eye on her today. hope she will be alright. sushi didn't get sick---- or pee inside. WTH?

ok-- well i'm off to start my day. another busy one.

hope y'all enjoy your tuesdays-

yep-- one-a - those-kinda-days

i don't know where to begin-- i prolly shouldn't even bother.
it wasn't an all-bad day. i got several emails from people i enjoyed hearing from. they made me smile, they had good news, they of course gave me a heard time-- it comes with the territory ya know. just somethin about me. i reckon that cuz i am ME (you know the drill) -- most of the time i really don't mind. i do have a sense of humor. sometimes a line gets crossed -- but i guess that happens to all of us eh? rare for me. i can take it. most of the time.
so anyhow. like i said... or maybe like i began to say-- attempted to say-- tried to say-- wth-- i'm workin on it. give me a minute aaaaight?

oh ya-- i was tryin to figure out where to begin in the first place-- remember.

so. where was i?
the beginning, i reckon.

ya, well, i got email. real ones. which was good. and everyone seemed fine. that was good to hear.
i answered them even -- a reply or two - i didn't manage to get back to tho-- but i will-- manyana.
once i got my day rollin-- it rolled on-- and on-- and on. ugh. it's almost 11 p.m -- and i'm still awake. i don't want to be-- but i am. i took my bed meds at like 830-- hoping to be asleep by 930. obviously that didn't work out too well.
i am under entirely way too much stress lately. medical crap, pain crap, family crap, emotional crap, crap upon crap upon crap. and it is affecting everything about me. my attitude, my personality, my health, my sleep, my mood, my energy level, not to mention my tummy trubbles.

yep... i made it to the gastro doc today-- right doc-- right day--- right time. bad mess.
i'm scheduled for an upper endoscopy on nov 9th. i'm not the least bit surprised. i knew they would have to have a look in there. just too much goin on to not have a look-see.

so anyhow-- i did a bunch of runnin around today-- almost an all day long task (s)-- but i also managed to get my white trash mobile washed , waxed, and detailed-- and for quite a bargain too i might add. it looks really good-- i only fear the worst-- and kinda know it'll look like a barf bag within a week. if only i drove it-- i know it wouldn't look like that-- or have as many miles on it. it's so trashed i don't even want it anymore-- but i'm way to friggin upside down in it to do a thing about it. hail damage-- stains--- ugh.

have you noticed that even the little things are killin me lately?
you should just imagine what the 'big ' things do. anyone wanna shoot me?

i've had a headache and stomach probs since the end of july!!! it's killin me and every day it gets worse.
and i never know when to laugh or cry. i do both every day-- several times. i'm just trying to stay sane.
and there's just so many reasons that i can't get into that would help y'all understand.

part of it -- some of you may already know--- most of you may not- but i'll tell ya this much-- i can't say more than i just did-- and i know that smocha loves it when i write posts like this :) sorry smocha.
i'm trying to not lay so much of ME out here for all the blogworld to see.
vulnerability is just not my favorite thing these days.


so anyways-- i have somethin goin on with someone in my life-- so this is a dedication -- to a certain him-- or her -- :)) just in case this person happens to read this post.

i really just want things in my life to be ok again. i would say 'normal' -- but things have never been normal. ok is good. level is better.

i told ya-- i just hate october--- maybe i should take a couple weeks off???
but then , that may just make things worse. i'd miss y'all.. and i'd get even more bored.

i really need to go somewhere. even if it's overnight. i need to get away. i'm 'like a worm in hot ashes'!

why the quotes of 'her' come to me, i'll never know,. i hated every one of them .

anyhow--
g'night all
sleep well..
and good mornin and good day-- if this is bein read over coffee -

laterz

for mois?

well looky what Gypsy gave me. it's been quite a while since i've got an award, actually. so i think it's pretty cool.
and 'over the top' even. that's even better. over the top - of what? i have no idea -- use you're imagination. fill in the blanks? i'm just kiddin with ya.

Thank You Gypsy! even though i had to work for this one. i think it's cool. and i think you are pretty cool yourself.

so-- if anyone is wondering what i had to do in order to receive this award -- well... that is -- aside from the obvious -- :)) -- or if ya want you can visit Gypsys blog -- you won't be disappointed . ---- or -- you can force yourself to read through yet another meme --- hey-- it's part of the deal k.... if i had known.. i wouldn't have put you through the misery of the previous meme hell. look on the bright side-- at least i didn't finish that one (2000 questions) -- plus -- this one is much shorter-- and the answers are only one word responses :)) so i think y'all are pretty safe.

oh -- but there's one more thing--- i am supposed to pass this on to 6 other folks that i find to be 'over the top' - hmmm... i'm never good at doin this passing out blog awards thing. both gypsy, and charlotte/val - who also posted hers -- found ways around singling folks out. i'll have to give that some thought for a minute.

in the meantime -- read on -- if ya wanna

ONE WORD

Where is your cell phone? here

Your hair? messy

Your mother? dead

Your father? dead

Your favorite food? cooked

Your dream last night? odd

Your favorite drink? Tea

Your dream/goal? Happiness

What room are you in? office

Your hobby? fishing

Your Fear? pain

Where do you want to be in 6 years? fishing

Where were you last night? home

Something that you aren’t? presentable

Muffins? tops

Wish list item? handyman :))

Where did you grow up? everywhere

Last thing you did? smoked

What are you wearing? jammies

Your TV? off

Your pets? animals

Friends? bloggers

Your life? hard

Your mood? crabby

Missing someone? nah

Vehicle? filthy

Something you’re not wearing? jewelry

Your favorite store? dunno

Your favorite color? blue

When was the last time you laughed? yesterday

Last time you cried? yesterday

Your best friend? Sushi

One place that I go to over and over? school

One person who emails me regularly? mary

Favorite place to eat? kitchen

ok folks--
as for passing the torch?
i really do hate this part-

but here goes-

1- Mary at pathways- YOU are most definitely 'over the top' my friend- and we all know why! keep on truckin LBF !!!

2- Donna at Made In Heaven - cuz she keeps me in check :))

3- (forgive me and my senile self) --but -- @ Moohaa -- cuz she is one awesome lady!!

4- Donna at Gittin it outta my Head -- she got a email from Obama :)) haha

5- Brenda at What's up Down South -- she has a cool name :)) kiddin - she's on top o' things :))

6- phew finally -- i hate doin this -- i hope no one feels left out-- or hurt :((
but # 6 shall go to --

Smocha at Cats on The British Counter -- she overcomes whatever is placed in front of her with wit and attitude -- just like someone else i know. (well, there's a reason for that-- but i won't tell if you won't)

ok-- that's all for today-

you ALL deserve this buit only 6 could get it-- from me-- that leave you 6 -- to make it happen for the rest of em --
laterz peeps -- and
happy Sunday!

i didn't forget-- but i would have -- thanks buddy!

here's my photo challenge pix --

"Highways and Bi-ways"

see-- i really did take a couple :)) i just kinda slept in this mornin-- sorry-- and thanks, for the reminder--- i'm sooo happy to be forgiven :))

(i'll get a regular post up later- maybe)

-- i did -- it's after the pix --

this is an old barn/house that i pass everyday
to and from school

and this is the traffic i sit in while i look at above house/barn
everyday -- to and from school
:))

i couldn't resist to just toss this one in for fun
jitty-
my eye !!!

happy saturday y'all
catchya later on

wait-- there's more :))

ok, i'm back. that was pretty stressful there -- scramblin to get those photos off my phone -- and through all the transitions to get it to the blog. phew. it actually took a little recovery time :))

anyhow -- looks like i have a couple questions to answer -- so i spose i'll start with those -- rather than the normal bitchfest of the day -

1 --- about the doctors appointment ? hmmm. well, ya see, a funny thing happened on the way to the gastro appointment. something that , as y'all know, only happens to ME. that would be, because, i am ME. so. i fought very hard to stay awake all day long. i was so tired i couldn't stand it -- or myself. i had that ' i'm so damn tired - i'm twitching!' thing goin on. well, back to the dr..... i made it there, on time, as usual. i wouldn't want to keep anyone waiting. i go in there -- an office i've never been to.

the lady says, "
you have to go next door, we're finished with all of our appointments for today."

of course, my lost and surprised self replies with -
"are you sure?"

she laughed at me!!! really y'all , right there - she laughed and says -
"yes, i'm sure, you have to go next door".

hmm, well, fuck you!
NO! of course i did not say that-- well, not, out loud at least.

so. like i said. i've never been there -- she said 'next door' .. so i left my car there -- thinkin i was walkin 'next door'.
NOT. more like the next friggin block.
i get to THE next door. i go in - say my speel.... she says
"no ma'am -- that's NEXT door. "
(an no i don't like having reached the age of ma'am being an acceptable 'name for me.)

terrific... another next door?
i trudge another half a block -- trust me, had i known? i woulda took my car. but obviously it didn't kill me, so it's ok.

so i get to the OTHER, next door. finally it's the right place.
geesh, i felt like i was on 'let's make a deal' !!
unfortunately? i chose the door with the donkey and wagon behind it !!!
ALL three of them!

turns out-- because, -- let's say it together shall we?
"because i am ME" ---
i was supposed to be there YESTERDAY (actually that would be thursday) -- rather than friday! same time tho-- so i DID have at least something right. ugh.
soooo-- yes, i rescheduled--- luckily -- yes i'm shocked as well -- i did have a little luck -- i was able to reschedule for this coming Monday. ahhhhh. right?
WRONG. i haven't broken the news to soulman yet -- but his day off is kinda shot to hell -- oops. that is soooo not a good day for me to have a place to be.
why? cuz eevee gets spayed on monday-- drop off in am.. pick up around the time soulkid gets out of school -- IF she didn't have an appointment too--- around the same time as MINE. OMG. he absolutely hates last minute crap and schedule changes to be thrown at him. and i absolutely hate to be the one delivering the news. for weeks... all he 'thought' he was gonna do monday? was take and pick up HIS dog. umm... sorry hun.
as momma used to say? ' that's the screwin ya get, for the screwin ya got."
now he gets to pick up the kid, take her to her appt, then go get the dog-- she's too big for me to handle with her all stupified on anesthesia --and he will not be a happy man for it. remember-- to go anywhere in this area -- you have to spend an hour in the car --- in ANY direction.. in traffic.
anybody want to call him and break the news???
bwa haha.
sorry i can't help but find the humor. if i don't i will cry.

holy crap-- i didn't know i would write aq book about goin to the dr. i should stop here-- but i have more to say. so just try and shut me up-- go ahead -- click on out. :)) i knew you wouldn't . y'all are great!!

so anyhow-- next ? i had to keep pushin myself even further to stay awake. it was killin me. anyone seen "A Clockwork Orange" ? good lawd that's a strange movie.. but i felt like the scene where the guy had toothpicks (or whatever) in his eyes. bleh.

but anyhow-- we ended up with the night wearing down, we went to the movies-- not without conflict or error i might add--
but we all know--
that's because -- yep-- you know.
anyhow -- finally we get there and we saw "where the wild things are"
and good Lord.. if anyone is anxious to see it-- i say wait for the DVD and see somethin else on your list!

it was so SAD! i did not remember the book being sad in any way. this entire movie was filled with SAD characters. human, or not. they were depressed!
they needed medication! it made soulkid CRY!!!
WTH kinda kid movie is THAT!

so other than needing shock therapy afterwards -- it was a good movie. as far as kid movies go.

---
and last but not least-- why do i say that, when it makes no sense at all to me?

anyhow-- i did 'something' to my damn shoulder yesterday. it could be any number of things. besides the kitchen that i did not clean.
but i did do a lot of other things i knew better than to do-- i won't list it-- but it was more physical than i shoulda done at this time. somehow-- i really messed up my shoulder. the rhizotomy pain had left that area and was mainly located in the back of my neck-- bad-- but pretty much out of my back , shoulder and arm... til yesterday.

ugh. it felt like i dislocated my shoulder or something. so to answer any questions about fishing??
no i did not-- and it looks as if i will not. at least for a while.

ok... i have spewed enough typage for one day-- and that didn't even include this mornings tale of woe. :))


y'all have excellent weekends in your worlds--
i will attempt to reach for the same-