where the hell is my panic button ?!!!

holy crap -- what a day. [heavy, painful, SIGH]

i looked on google for a pic but couldn't find one, some of you know what i'm talkin about though. but ya know the "panic bubble" they give ya when ya have an MRI???
well... every time i've had an MRI before today that is... i never needed it. in fact, i actually thought the whole idea of the thing was silly, and wondered if anyone actually ever used the damn thing. well, guess what? y'all wished me well for my mri today--- and i thank you for that, cuz i hate to think how it woulda gone without your thoughts. it was a nightmare ! for real. i have had many of these done. many. at least four? maybe more. three or four on my back and one on my brain? maybe two on my brain? hell i don't know. i remember bitchin for years for dr's to mri or cat scan me... then it seemed like they finally started trying to find a diagnosis-- and the scanning never stopped-- CT's, MRI's, ultrasounds.. eegads-- i was glowing !
oops-- got distracted. as if that hasn't happened before. hmmm/
so anyhow. back to the mri- today. the ONE time they don't give me a panic button... i have a full blown, out of control panic attack ! no shit. i don't mean a little anxiety. or a bit claustrophobic. nope-- i'm talkin... movie quality here. tears, chest pain, racing thoughts, etc etc. they have a mic in there-- but the tech didn't hear me til the machine stopped. she pulled me out, and she offered to stop the test-- but i need it,
(yes Smocha-- for the rhizotomy-- but not the one i'm having--to see if i can have it on my lower (lumbar) as well...so i just took a breather for a few minutes and finished it. it was horrible. and i don't know why it happened. i have never had that happen before. well, i have had mri's and i have had panic attacks -- but i have never had the two together. i hope i don't again. it was not a pleasant experience. what a way to ruin a day . ugh.

that last 7 or 8 minutes of that test was the longest 7 or 8 minutes of my damn life.
i do wonder if i didn't have a heart attack tho. i didn't want to spend eight hours in the emergency room to find out-- OR pay a damn thousand dollar bill behind it-- to find out i had what i knew -- or thought was a panic attack. so i didn't go. but i did feel like hell ran over me all day long. my arm hurt, i had heartburn.. i was a bitch-- but that's just me, so i didn't know if that was a "symptom" or not. so anyhow-- i looked at the 'symptoms'-- and looked at the pros and cons of goin to ER.. and i just couldn't talk myself into it. so i xanaxed up, and took a nap. yeh... that's the way to do it. not. i know. i should know better by now... but i don't. and i won't. the best i can do is get my damn will drawn up... but i - we.. just don't seem to get around to that either.
it's just that i've had so many 'false alarms.' and i'm sick to death of payin for em.
like maybe at least three or four trips for what i thought to be heart attacks. they were extended stays, that were never a heart attack. everything from a panick attack to lung pleurisy, to 'nothing'.. and once it was actually 'something'.. tachacardia? they gave me nitro and all kindsa crap-- but it cost a damn fortune. it was my heart, but not a heart attack. so. i chose not to go today. i'm still alive. i feel like crap. but it didn't kill me. i'm sure it was just a bad panic attack.
but-- there was also the other thing-- remember the time i blew off goin to ER when i had a pulmonary embolism..lung blood clot...? that wasn't very bright either.
same deal though. y'all have no idea how many times i have gone to the dr. or the ER for pain. no matter how severe, strange, curious, even debilitating... and they did nothing. nada. 9 out of ten times they would find nothing, and treat me like a 'drug seeker', make me feel worse than when i got there-- and leave me with a bill that took a year or more to pay--- or let go into collection. ugh. so. when i got the pain from the blood clot?? lemmee tell ya-- those stupid little pain charts? they don't have one for this kinda pain. but i had a dr appt scheduled like two days out-- and no matter how many times soulman told me to go to ER-- i told him, i would just wait for my appointment. i'd tough it out.
not a good idea. i could have died. ugh. i felt like i was-- but i just didn't want to be treated like crap. which-- i don't think woulda happened-- that time. not with a DVT and a PE :)) call me dr House now k. :))

another time that i let asshole non diagnosing jerk off docs make me feel like i had no right to go to the hospital???
didn't want to be a bother---
i was pregnant with my first child. so---- forgive me if i wasn't very knowledgeable about these things. well, i'd already been to the hospital at least twice--- in false labor. forced to walk around for two hours-- then sent home. i was like 22 years old.. and dumb as a rock. SO-- what did i do when i actually WAS in labor? i took my dying ass into the bathroom and got into the tub. i shared a room with my sister and her three very young sons at the time... i just didn't want to bother anyone.
i sat in that tub and cried in agony from like 2 a.m til 6 a.m. til my sis finally came in there... she says-- wth are you doing?? i said i'm dying... she timed the contractions--- two minutes apart!!!! how the hell was i supposed to know? i didn't. obviously.
and back then, i was active duty navy-- it wouldn't cost me a dime to go to the dr-- i just didn't want to be a hassle. ugh.
so-- my sis gets us ready, gets our mom up to take care of the kids-- and drives me in my truck--which was a five speed that she didn't know how to drive--- can we say --- OWCH!!!??? it was a great ride in san diego military base a.m. rush hour traffic -- AND construction.
i told her to take a coned off exit from the stop and jerk-- i mean stop and go traffic laden hiway-- she said what if they don't let me-- i said they have NO choice!
she took the exit and a young guy in a vest comes up and made her stop-- he says you can't go this way you have to get back on the hiway.
she points at me.. curled up next to the passenger door, groaning.. and says--
she's about to have a baby !!!!
i think she thought she was gonna be delivering a baby soon, and she was fixin to road rage as well. :))
the kid looks over at me and says oh go on ahead maam.
it's funny now-- cuz not one of us was out of our twenties. we were all three frantic.
i was prolly one minute apart in contractions by now... and bitchier than can be... she kept stalling and or jerking the damn truck... thinkin back-- we all had three cars at least between us -- i STILL don't know why we took the one she didn't know how to drive. :))
well, she got us to the hospital in time. and i had a bouncing baby boy.
he's a story all his own.

this lil guy
Patrick.

but yeh... someday.... i'm gonna blow off goin to the doc-- and somethin bad will happen... and all because i got blown off one too many times. what a shame eh?

ahhhh.... something good did happen today though. if i tell you now though-- i won't have a morning post. hmmmm. should i make ya wait. i should. besides--- most of you won't even be here til tomorrow anyhow.

so-- til then-- thanks for comin by today. i know i'm slackin in my comments etc-- i'll try to get better. just a bit busy lately.

g'nite peoples

Lobstah Out The Keestah !!!

i know he isn't a lobstAH, but he's oh so CUTE!
and me and soulkid placed him right where soulman
is forced to look at him all the time.
cuz he teased the hell outta me when i got it.
payback's a bitch sometimes eh?
(i planned on puttin him in my bedroom.. til i felt vindictive )

so anyways-
isn't that a catchy title? it sure got my attention. and an early morning chuckle outta me. it's actually from an advertisement for a restaurant that caught my eye. i just had to share it.
ok. maybe it's just me. nevermind.
moooovin on.
but, hmmm. what to say?

well, have i mentioned that our boat has been broken? hubby figured out what was wrong with it-- without even takin it apart. (the engine). gotta give the guy his kudos. :)) ummm, which are now called 'gold medals'.. but that's another story-- and one i might not share . sorry. but you shoulda been here for that one.
anyways--- yep-- soulman is a pretty handy guy to have around sometimes. when it comes to the boat and car stuff -- he has literally saved us thousands of dollars over the years in doing all the work himself. with a little help from me i might add :))
it's been a long time-- but i still got it :))
so anyhow-- what was wrong ? you may wonder...
well, have a look. we are so very lucky we didn't blow the engine (again)

those are the parts. 'water impeller ' it is what feeds water to the water pump--- well.. ours is the one on the bottom. i don't think it was working very well :))
but now it has the new one in it and hubby is out testin it right now.. new impeller, new T stats -- and runnin like a charm he said. woo hoo.
it just kills me what boat mechanics try-- well do-- charge to fix crap. it took a lot of hours over a couple days-- and like i said-- i got to get a little dirty too :)) not much , but i still like to play every now and then. but he got - er- dun. woulda cost a load in a boat shop. we paid for parts... oh and the baits that he couldn't pass up as he walked to the parts counter in the back of the store-- funny how they do that eh?

next? yesterday i went to have my MRI done. after i sat -- patiently waiting -- :)) have you noticed all the overseas people we have to deal with on the phone say that? 'thank you for patiently waitinG' -- ummm, sure, as IF i had a choice.
anyhow-- i sat there for almost an hour-- when i finally asked if they forgot about me.
nobody else was waiting,. it just seemed weird. so the girl says "no, i'm sorry, they can't seem to be able to fix the machine." OMG. is that not just the way things go with me? so anyhow-- she gave me a free starbucks gift card/ with a mystery amount of money on it, and rescheduled me for today. grrreeeaT.
anyhow, i gave soulkid the giftcard. i almost never go there. only when i meet a friend or something. i'm pretty much back to staying home a lot of the time. unless i have to go .. ya know?

so -- movin on--

below is NOT for the squeamish NON animal peeps -
but yesterday i was so inclined to do an experiment-
involving-

1- cat barf
2- peroxide
3- a rag
(see img 1 below )

when i mentioned that i had used peroxide to remove dog blood from fabric -
the question was raised as to if peroxide would also clean cat puke stains -
or a gazillion of them.

my results?
(see img 2 below )

voila !
peroxide is my new best friend!
what you see there was only the wet mark.
today the carpet is dry -- and yes, clean as a whistle !

sorry folks, but this is just a sample of the boredom i taste every day.
any other scientific requests i can help anyone with today? i would be happy to oblige. :))

if not, well then i must prepare myself to take my child to school, and forge on to the hopefully repaired MRI machine. those wouldn't be so bad if they weren't so damn noisy. i hate that part.

happy humpday folks !

it's 9 somethin in the mornin and i'm fallin asleep !

WTH???
well, maybe it has somethin to do with only sleeping about three hours last night. ok perhaps four. but obviously not enough for this ole lady. ugh. hard to believe that sometimes i can go for days with no sleep, isn't it. damn, i'm tired. i don't know why, but something has been making me fight sleep like a baby lately. this passed couple days, i'm just flat out exhausted, but i fight naps, and bed time sleep as well. no clue as to why. just mental i reckon. like right now for instance. any normal human being would simply take their tired ass back to bed. what do i do? drift off, wake up, and TRY to stay awake. but why? i have no reason to force myself to stay awake. nothing pressing to DO. last night i was doin the same stupid thing. til soulman nearly physically dragged me to bed. he would holler out here from the bedroom, asking if i was awake-- i wouldn't be-- but i'd say i was-- then i'd fight to stay up. finally, i woke up in my chair-- again... and there he was, sitting at my desk just grinning at me. like i was busted. :)) my first instinct was to look around for a burning cig-- or any evidence there-of. then i let him help me to bed. (asleep on my damned feet)
WTH?? can anyone tell me why i do such things?



so. i remembered a couple of things since i posted last night. boring. but it just seems that's how things are lately. but, remember when i mentioned a procedure i might have on my back, but couldn't remember the name? well, i remembered the name. and i am having it.
it's called a "rhizotomy" . and i will be having it done on september 21st. they can only do one side at a time. i guess it's like doin wisdom teeth? they don't do both sides at once cuz you'll be rendered useless??? or perhaps partially paralyzed temporarily. not sure there. but i'm goin with the worst side first-- my right. then the left on october 5th. it's not "real" surgery, but they do a little cut in the skin, then burn the nerve root-- or nerve endings with a lazer, then voila --- if i'm lucky ... we all know i'm not very lucky, but if it works... i should be pain free -- or at least have a whole lot less pain for several months. of course -- the downside? it will get worse, before it gets better. just peachy. several days to a few weeks of even worse pain... until we see results-- if any. but it's worth it to me to try. look what jamie went through --- this is nothin at all compared to that. and she walks faster than i could prolly run right now. i can only hope for such results. we shall see.

so anyhow--- i think that's about all i got for now.

i really need to vacuum my floors today. they look like crap. i also need to hang stuff. i bought things to hang in my newly painted bathroom, and got stuff from storage to hang in my bedroom, etc. so i best get offa heah, and off me arse, and get productive. ya think?
me too.

happy labor day peeps.

fire up those grills and smokers... i know mine will be a-goin later on :))

the rest of the story . . .

well tie me up and call me stupid.
almost everyone who commented on my last post-- excluding the spammer-- who, by the way has been here before, ugh... mentioned wanting to hear "the rest of the story."
hmmmmmm. well. ya know what? i'm just senile enough to have no idea what you want me to say. ugh. no, i'm not kidding. which storey do ya wanna hear the rest of?
i had about three or four goin in that post.
the dog, the robbery, and oh hell, i don't even remember that much.

i could draw a picture ---

well , i could show ya one ---

or two

(how's that ? :))

not quite what you were lookin for? yeh i thought not. hmmm. ok. well, about eevee. the vet called yesterday. talked to soulman. but from what i got outta him, it sounds like she's gonna be ok. phew! she has a "possible" bladder infection. which someone guessed the other day; and i was kinda leanin towards myself. the poopin thing was the first time, so that may have been changin the food-- i don't know.
everything else he said just seemed like random stuff. but the labs were ok. nothing major or severe. so that was an expensive relief. i still worry though. she is about ten years old, and has a breast tumor-- it's huge too. i'm not ready to lose another dog yet-- i don't think it will be like now-- but two or three or four years from now will be even worse. dammit. when we got her, i didn't know she was that old. i damn sure didn't know she was gonna get a tumor. shit. anyhow. at least she's alright-- for now.

as for , what? ummm. oh the robbery , pawn shop stuff, i obviously know nothing new about any of that yet. cuz of the weekend.

oh ya , and my 'cryptic war'. :)) that's so much to get into. and boring. and kinda personal . it's a long story... like really long, as in ten years long. then consistently two and a half years long. then the final part was maybe between 3-6 months long. so , i really don't think you want to hear it. fact is.... lil ole me, stood up to a much larger , and intimidating force--- such as -- uncle sam... and i was finally heard.
if i wanted to continue this at this point, i could , and with not much more effort take it even further-- but i'm fine where it is now. i got exactly what i asked for. i would have won the other way if i wanted to fight harder and wait longer-- i just don't have anything left to do that. i'm friggin tired. so i took the easier softer way. guess i'll just spit it out. even tho i didn't plan to.
i pretty much was discharged from the navy with a small percentage of disability. enough to "shut me up"... for a while. when things got worse-- i re-opened my claim... that was in like 96 or maybe 98... they fought me tooth and nail-- then denied my claim. which was valid, had witness statements, documentation, etc. much of it was the same stuff i used the next time i went up-- but i was pissed off and actually surprised they denied the claim in 96-or 98-- whenever... but i fought it for a year, and lost. i was too worn out to fight back. and you can't use a lawyer with va. so on my own? i was just out of gas, so gave up. as time passed, my conditions only continued to get worse.... nothing ever improved. even to this day-- i only keep going downhill. so. somewhere like 2005, when my health got to where i just thought i was literally gonna die, i reopened my claim again. at the time-- i was STILL -- since '93.. only at 10%. but at that time, thinkin i was on my way out-- i wasn't about to die, and leave my kid with nothing. well, nothing from me anyhow. so, i started doing the unnatural. so against my grain. for years, i acted strong, pretended to be "well"... now i had to prove i was sick. that is not an easy task, let me tell you. ya don't just walk into the dr and say i'm sick and in pain... and get a check. nope. it took almost a year, and a couple really scary times, just to find out if i was gonna die or not. i ended up with a breast cancer scare-- a benign breast lumpectomy, and an addisons diagnosis.
that was in 2005-- seeing all kindsa dr's and surgeons and stuff--- orthopods, and mri's, etc--- then we moved back here-- i had to transfer my claim to dallas--- ugh. the drive from fort worth to dallas a couple times a month-- for a year almost killed me.
seein shrinks, gettin scanned, and probed, and poked-- mentally and physically--- it was so horrible-- i got to the point i coulda just dropped the entire thing. but remember-- i was near crippled, and mental at this point---- and really didn't know why-- well, i didn't know why i couldn't walk and stuff. (i still don't know for sure). all i did know for sure was that if i was gonna die-- my kid was gonna be 'ok'.
well.. i think it finally happened around the end of 2007--- i finally got approved and it was over--- my case was closed, and i was approved at 90% . you believe that? from 10% to 90% ... in 2 and a half years. i was exhausted. and i think they-- the VA-- KNEW they screwed me all those years. i got a big fat check for like one year back pay. i felt a little bittersweet justice. kind of a 'i showed them' thing. but that didn't last long. the money got spent-- the pain got worse-- and everything else stayed the same.
so, anyhow.... i see i'm rambling where i said i wasn't gonna. oops.
so, back to winning the war-- i had two choices when i decided to re-open my case a few months ago. not sure when-- my guess is maybe 4 months ago. ish. i could have asked for 100 % disability. or what i did ask for-- which was "unemployability" / with my already 90% pay. what that is/ is 100 % pay without the 100 % benefits. which is stuff like dental/vision, commissary, stuff like that. those bennies would be good to have... but i can live without them. the money? that's several hundred dollars a month more money -- plus more money for soulkid AND more bennies for her college. which , remember-- she is why i started this whole damn thing to begin with.
so , yeh-- that apparently got approved-- friday when i went into my bank online i had a few thow i didn't expect to see. it wasn't a year backpay-- like i hoped it would be... my guess is about 4 months difference in what i get . but hey, whatever, right.
i got hurt in the navy--- my son died in the navy/because of them--- so yep--- they can pay for it.

anyways-- i don't know if that's the rest of story you wanted-- but that's the rest of the story you got. :))

so, as for now--- or today---- i forced myself to go fishin this morning... not that i'm complaining. ok , i am. but only a little. i wore my ass out. i stayed too long. but i caught you a delicious bass :)) i got way too tired , way too hot, and way too sore... but looky

thank the lord for shadows :))

i look so BAD lately

but the fish is beautiful!

have you ever seen such a beautiful animal?

hope y'all are havin happy days today

(oh that reminds me---
watch this video)
hahahahah
:))

peek - a - boo !

i could prolly just stop with that and call it a post. ya think? nah. me neither. i blab too much.

this has been a bitch of a day. well, actually, it's been a bitch of a .... decade? yeh, that sounds about right. maybe that depends on the perspective though. if i pile everything up that has happened over the passed few months... it might look
something like this :

BUT -
if i change my perspective;
it could look like this:


see?

it's all in the way we look at things. i know that. and you know that. but why is it so hard to feel that, and put it into practice -- every day?
so many little things build up , even over twenty four hours -- or, say eighteen hours - if that's how long you're awake in a day. like for me, today.... my day began .. well after the basics of coffee, cigs, and a shower and that stuff, i drove soulkid to school, then when i got back i began my usual "payday slash bill-day" with balancing the checkbook to get ready to pay the bills and that sort of stuff. well.... i'm not sure what happened first --- but i think the good thing happened first, because the bad thing --- yeh, nevermind.. ok.. anyhow--- i go online and into my bank.... all i'm gonna say about this part is that perseverance pays off in the end. i saw a little more than just soulman's salary in there... i saw something i have been fighting for - for years. this last leg of the battle though? i will admit, my part wasn't very difficult. at all.
anyhow -- i literally did the happy dance. :)) , well, as best i could. when i finished with my little jig, and tellin the soul clan that my battle wasn't only won, but i had won the entire flippin war..... i came back to my desk, sat down, and got back to my paying of the bills. that's when things changed. in an instant. eevee....

shown here :

waltzes right into my office, casually gets behind my chair, AND , craps !!!!!!! yes. you did read that right. she pooped, moved her bowels, shat, crapped, shit, or whatever else you choose to call it... she did it... without asking to go out !!!! i almost had a friggin heart attack !!!! the peein inside? we've kinda got used to that by now... not that we approve of it ... but we kinda wrote it off as stress or some such thing. but today? that? oh no! i had to go back to my original thought... "she must be ill". i wasted no time in making her a vet appointment while soulman did the honors of cleaning the ummmmm yeh. that.
she was seen within the hour, they did all kindsa labs-- blood, urine etc. they wanted to 'excise' her breast tumor--- we just can't afford such things. so passed on that idea. anyhow -- she does have an infection on her back where she's been chewing/scratching a lot... they said that may be a flea allergy. (perfect ! my midnight had that problem too, and it was a horrible thing for her and us to live with).
we will get the labs back tomorrow... but for today she was loaded up with antibiotics and steroids. poor baby. i don't know what's wrong with her-- but it really sounds like my old cat--- but-- we also changed food yesterday. so-- it could be anything really. let's just hope she's alright.

ummm... what else? i can't even think straight. it has been a very busy busy busy busy day today. especially starting out that way.
oh, after all that mess, i called "my" detective... to no avail. guess he was off for the weekend. so then i called the pawn shop that my stuff was sold at--- again, not much help there either-- except that i did manage to speak to the guy who made the transaction with the thief. all i got out of him was a- i have to get a copy of the pawn ticket from 'my' cop-- and b- the guy was very tall. by very tall--- i am assuming that the one guy really did pawn the stuff, and NOT loan his ID to the other guy like he told the detective. ugh.

yes, there's more. do ya wanna hear it?

i could continue... but i don't think i will right now.
i'm too scatterbrained to be writing anything at all actually.
perhaps in the morning. that's my best time anyhow.

catch you folks later---

hope you all have fantabulous weekends!

senile saturday

i so have nuthin to say today -- but i did come across this clip this mornin. i dare ya not to laugh. i wish our news could be so entertaining. i woulda just had to call in. i bet nobody did. poor dogs with issues. only people like me take in the stupid things. :))


http://video.yahoo.com/network/100284668?v=5781173&l=3774740

stuff , stuff and more random babbling

the pic below is of a t-shirt i bought extremely spontaneously while school shopping with soulkid the other day. last weekend or so, whenever the final day of school shopping was. i don't even remember what i was doing-- prolly just speaking. or moving. who knows? but she blurts out, "mom, stopit, you're embarrassing me"!
haha! that just made me laugh , because when angie was here we were laughing about that very thing-- our kids being embarrassed by our very existance.


anyhow--- yep-- there i was, mindin my own business, spendin my damn money on the girl, actually thinking we were havin an ok time, when she says i embarrass her. at that very moment, i look up, (yes, for some reason, i look down much of the time when i walk)-- but what do i see when i look up??? i see a t-shirt booth in the aisle of the mall. hanging in the t-shirt booth , what is the very first thing i notice? that shirt! wana see it again? ok ....

y'all just KNOW i had to get it. i just couldn't not.
so i did. and i wasted NO time in puttin it on either.
she was in hollister or somethin like it right next to the booth i got the shirt at--
so i go right in there, and into a changing room... and put it on. :))
i come bee boppin out and there she was... she couldn't help but to smile.
she loves me.
embarrassing or not.
she does.
it took her a few days... but she did admit-- she thought it was funny.

well---- UNTIL....
the other night when we went to see the movie-( julie and julia)
we went to dinner first--
:))
i had THREE people comment on my shirt.
she threatened to burn it !
i love it.
i think i will wear it to her first parent teacher thing-- if they have one .
or something. wherever there will be a bunch of kids .
soulman said he was gonna get one too-
a coolest dad shirt.
i can just see her now.


what's the most embarrassing thing your mom or dad did to you when you were a teenager?

i could use a laugh today.....

anyhow----
busy morning-- but i am not really accomplishing much--
i hate it when that happens.

hope y'all have happy weekends---

i'm hoping to get some fishin in.
and some hangin of stuff on my walls.

what are yeeewwwww doin?

well, i remembered by vals comment that pawn shops do take your thumb-print when ya pawn somethin out here... so i called the detective this morning and asked him about that. know what he said? "not anymore." isn't that just my luck? why would they just stop doin that? to save a few pennies on ink? whaddabuncha crap!
he also told me that when he got a copy of the theifs drivers license-- it was only a copy of his photo --- not including his signature. tell me-- why would a "detective" not get get a complete copy of a persons drivers license in a robbery??? i gotta say -- i'm just gettin more pissed off by the day. because every day this stuff just seems more in the toilet than before. i am at a point now that i am ready to handle it myself. i talked to the detective today, and he was placed on a felony case. i have no idea of what type.. but in a town the size of mine---- my little piddly-- to them-- robbery of some jewelry -- is certainly, not that it ever was-- but now it will never b -- their priority. anyhow--- it looks as though it is up to me. and i think i can get something done much quicker anyhow. but of course, that depends on one thing. and i don't know if that's even possible. i have to see if the detective-- or the pawn shop-- will give me a copy of the pawn ticket. if i get that, i will have a copy of his signature--- once i have that--- i already know there's no gettin a copy of his drivers license-- not by me anyhow-- but i -- or soulman-- could at least have the bossman at the moving company check his job application for the signature... if they match-- i have my case. i get a copy of the application, take it to the detective-- and whenever the new deal he is now working on is over-- he can go arrest this bastard who stole my shit. ummm, stuff.
that-- or soulman can go and kick his ass. not the cop-- the thief.
i refuse to just sit here and do nothing. i just do. i'm sick of being taken. it's just bullshit. y'all just have no idea how many times people have robbed me. it makes me think of michael douglas in that movie "falling down". someday i'm just gonna snap like that -- and go vigilante bitch on everybody, just because of some small thing.
hmmm. ok, i won't. but i wish i could.

anyhow.
we went and saw this movie last night -
"Julie And Julia" -

it was so good. i absolutely loved it. of course it coulda been better. and if i woulda wrote it i woulda tweeked it here or there. but i liked it. we all did. even soulman. and that's sayin somethin, for him to like a "chick flick". :))
it couldn't have been better for me.. i mean, i like to cook, i like to write... it even has blogging in it. :)) it was just good. " two thumbs up" go see it.

"Bon Appetite"

i also rented on that we haven't watched yet-- but i hope it's good. it has that girl up there in it-- 'Amy Adams'. it's called "Sunshine Cleaning" - about two sisters who start up a crime scene clean-up business. one of those 'tear jerker-comedies'.
how they pull that off, i do not know, but i bet it will be good. i will let ya know.

so anyhow-- i'm done with my ciggie break i reckon... back to work for me.

have happy days out there y'all.

heard this song today

how friggin suitable for the news i got as well.
guess what? the cameras were down at the pawn shop that my stolen jewelry was hocked at the day i was robbed. yep. know what that means dontchya? no positive I.D. = no case. why should i be surprised? i guess i'm not. it's cuz i'm ME. remember?
at least soulkid gets her ring back. i get one ring back. i lost a lot more . i may be able to get money... but there is no price for the meaning that stuff held. ya know?
bastards. times like this i wish i was a man so i could go kick someones ass. dammit.

a day and other stuff

yeh, it's been one of these nights :





i really have nights like that. thinking the most ridiculous things, just as i'm drifting off to sandman land.
well, that-- or most often, what happens is i will get to sleep , then wake up two hours later at like 130--0r 330-- even 3:33 :)) -- with the dumbest crap on my mind; unable to get back to sleep.

so, yeh. last night was another of those kindsa nights. i think i was asleep for an hour or two when i woke up--- for no friggin reason, thinkin stupid thoughts. nothing like blenders, or wood chippers-- not even penises. i coulda handled that maybe :))
anyhow-- i got up. no sense in even trying to go back to sleep at that point. full bladder, full head, you know the drill. well some of ya do.
so i get up, and make the coffee-- again, only having to press start :)) -- i can't believe the dumb shit that makes me happy.
i get online just to kill time, and i guess i dozed off. next thing i knew soulman was there telling me to go back to bed-- it was 332 ! one more minute, i woulda felt a bit weird. just the 333 thing ya know. but i stayed up. one of those-- "i'm up nooow" things.

my head goes in ten different directions immediately. good lawd i hate that.
it always makes me think of a book i bought several months ago, but haven't cracked the cover on-- "an unquiet mind". written by--and about - some bi-polar woman. her autobiography actually. anyhow-- that's me. i have an unquiet mind too. at least a lot of the time. i wish for one day... i could just focus. not have so much going on up there at once ya know? it gets quite bothersome. and causes little to get accomplished around here. (at least by me.)
the other two have actually been keeping up pretty good on their "lists". i'm impressed.

yesterday though, i spent the entire day .. no kidding... like an 8 or 9 hour day, catching up on bills, and business stuff that i have allowed to fall through the cracks this last couple months doing all this home buying stuff. oh man. no lie. it was a disaster. as i had been trying to pay things down, and raise our credit scores to buy this house--- there were other bills-- medical bills mostly-- that fell through the cracks and went INTO collections. ugh. so i spent a lot of yesterday trying to get that fixed. well.. i should say - fixing it. i was at least successful.
but oh how it hurt. our bank account dwindled to nothing and one of my paid off credit cards--- well, it's not paid off anymore. robbing peter to pay paul. one of those days. it was awful. but at the same time i was grateful to be able to do what i had to do. one of the bills i paid-- was headed to collection.. that day. phew. talk about luck. wow. a phew more hours coulda really messed up things.

so anyhow. by the time i was done with all that crap-- my fully charged cell phone was on it's very last breath, and i was about to have a stroke.

but-- it wasn't a bad day all around.

soulkid started school, and seemed to have a good day.
soulman was here-- and he did housework, that would surely still be here today-- cuz i didn't have the time yesterday to get to it. he even dropped off and picked up the child from school.---and cooked a pretty darn good dinner. he even did dishes-- and trust me -- there were a lot of dishes. ugh. i hate dishes. i'll never not hate dishes. but-- it's not my job anymore-- soulkid has officially been passed that torch. and does an ok job actually. one day she actually apologized for making me do them for so long. she's growing up. a little :))

anyhow--- i reckon that's enough -- whatever -- outta me for now.

hope y'all have happy days in your worlds.
first day of school for some of y'alls young'ns... good luck with that.
if it was yesterday-- i hope it went well.

guess i shall catchya latah--
another busy day for me here-- but i don't expect to have a stroke over it -- at least i hope not to.

happy tuesday y'all

well rain on you sunshine-- (now with added photos)

as my poppason would always say-- and ususally to me :)) must be cuz i'm so cheerful huh? oh well. just happens to be one of those days that i can hear him say that as i poured my coffee this morning. " grumpaw" or not-- i miss him .

so anyways-- i wake up this morning, and i'm not feelin too awful bad. yet. i walk into the bathroom.. half asleep-- go to set my cigs and cell phone on the counter and miss. yep. completely. my sort of new i-phone, crashes to the ground. usually those things happen in slow motion with me-- this time , it was like mach speed. i tried to catch it, but no way-- it hit the floor before i could even get my hand out there to try to catch it.
i t was face down-- and i just knew it would be shattered and ruined-- with it's uninsured self. it wasn't! it was fine! i turned it on and it worked! and i was happy.
ahhhhh.

then i came out to the kitchen to make coffee-- something i really hate to do in the morning -- i can't hardly see -- not to mention move-- in the morning... it's just a pain in the ass-- but i must have coffee. i would die without my coffee . what do i see? a styrofoam cup on top of the coffee maker with a note written by soulman. it says
"Guten morgen :)) "
haha--- he had the coffee ready to go -- all i had to do was pass go and collect 200.00.
ok that's pushin it--- i pressed start -- and voila-- coffee. i'm so damn easy to please!

until----

dum dum dum.... are you ready?
guess what? remember the other day? how adorable, yet stupid sushi looked wearing her diaper?
well... imagine EEVEE in one ! yep. she just started bleeding today too! luckily on tile. but still. i KNOW she won't keep a diaper on. ugh. ugh. ugh. and another UGH.

you know what this means don't you? both of them in heat at the same time? aside from "there will be blood" haha.. sorry-- i was thinking of a different type but then i thought -- nevermind---
but they will FIGHT. they fight when one is in heat -- this is the first time they have been in heat together. once eevee went in just after sushi stopped. but ughboy.
this is not good. i can tell already.
but i am also not gonna pay an extra 80 bucks to have sushi fixed during her heat cycle.
soooooo-- this should be fun. NOT.

our bathroom is done. sorta. it needs a mirror, and some sort of decor. but the hideous wallpaper is gone, and the painting is done. i removed the wallpaper--soulman sanded and painted. looks good-- i'll put a pic up later on. the paint dried a little darker than it was sposed to look, but it's still ok.

it's small and hard to get pics of -

just a toilet and sink -
looks much better though.

now we get to do soulkids bedroom. or soulman does-- it doesn't have wallpaper-- and i am not a painter-- i used to be-- i just can't do that kind of stretching these days. she wants purple. ugh. i hope they can make it work. in my mind it is a disaster. never know i guess.

welp peoples, i have stuff to do-- i'll catch up later--
have happy days -

PS-- smocha said she was hungry-- just as i was cooking

THIS -
then i added this -
to dr it up--
hungry aintchya?


come on ovah !!!

(PS-- nope, not dog vomit-- it's green chili stew.)

i'll be back

had to hop out for some last minute school crap-- i shall return.
latah

houston, we have a problem,, and a rant

i didn't think the stairs were gonna be that big a deal here in this house when we moved in. well, i did, but i didn't . just cuz i don't really need to go up there. at least, i didn't THINK i would have to. not until this passed few days as i attempted to test the soulkid on getting up in the mornings "for school". OMG. i think i may die.


i may as well be Rocky in training. pass the glass of raw eggs. really. the mornings are a bad time for me as far as pain goes. and the stairs just might do me in if i have to continue this. and add screaming at her from downstairs to it???? on no. it's not gonna work. i call her cell phone-- she has it on silent! ugh. i yell up there-- she doesn't hear me. i've told her to start setting an alarm. does she? ummm no. i've told her-- get the phone off of silent--- did she-- well, no.

i refuse to continue the up and down thing in pain for a kid her age . i just do. the yelling stresses me out and makes my head hurt. the stairs make my legs and back hurt. and she knows this. it all makes me want to turn into "gran gran" ! LOL. not that i really want to-- it's uncontrollable. then when i hold it in... i become a horrible bitch for the rest of the world to deal with. even i can't be around me. all because i had to go upstairs.

is that not ridiculous???? so preventable.
perhaps i need a megaphone?
a herd of buffalo?
my mom AKA "gran gran" once placed a giant roach on my sisters back because she was terrified of bugs-- cuz she was in trouble--- and my mom was evil--
maybe i'll do that. i'd only have to do it once.

nah.
i'm not like that.

i'll continue to make the awful trip upstairs ten times a day---
it's only for a couple more years, right?

maybe a doorbell, or an intercom system?

ideas, anyone?

(here's "the anthem, by good charlotte" it always makes me think of "gran gran!")

enjoy

it's 333 do you know where your soul is?

nope-- i still haven't got over the 333 thing-- nor have i got over the sleep problems. i was wide awake at like 125 a.m. ugh. will it ever end? i wonder that sometimes. just wonder if i'll ever be normal. if it's not just waking up for no reason, it's a bad dream, pain, a noise. or like i said-- really, no reason at all. ridiculous. that's what it is.
do y'all think it could be menopause? that wouldn't bother me one bit-- well, not if it would hurry up and get over with anyhow. :)) i'll still prolly be one of those people that remains a ragin bitch for ten days about that time-- but i will still be relieved , when that stuff is over. i have had a lot of hormone tests lately-- due to the thyroid crap-- and it seems to be a possibility. i really can't wait til it's reality.

lol-- i was just thinkin how much my male peoples must just love this topic. i guess i can move on to somethin else. i've been half asleep for the last twenty minutes--- forgive me, for i know not what i say :))

so, anyhow-- what's on y'alls agendas for the day?
mine? well, i have to wait for the dryer dudes to come fix our brand new friggin dryer. i hate it when something brand new is broken. especially a high dollar something. yes, we got it on clearance-- but it wasn't used-- it was just an "open box"-- or so they said. turns out the drum is bad. it wouldn't be bad-- cept it hits a screw on every rotation. and when it does it- it sounds like it's bein hit with a sledge hammer. not fun. what's more fun? a new prob that started like the day after the guys came to troubled shoot it.... it began sounded like it had bb's in it too--- woo hoo--- i love laundry as it it-- add all the noise-- and it's a damn party! not. but that should--and better be fixed today.

i want to go fishin for a couple hours after the sun comes up-- but they -- the oompa loompa guys-- for the dryer-- could be here at about 8. or, they could be here at noon. but i can't take that chance. so , if i do muster the energy to go, i must go soon, and not go far-- or long. and i have things to do before i can even leave. ugh. if , or when that works out, i spose i'll be workin on my tackle bag. and bathroom wall paper. and other tedious tasks.

but until then you know how to find me- :))

happy humpday

ahh PS-- wanna see sushi at her dumbest? well, almost, her dumbest---

she's sportin some jeans mon'
(the girl is in heat again, the little trollop!)

well. i hope y'all have good days today-- it's humpday -- so ya better !

i've always been a geek

howdy peeps---

i was looking through pix earlier today to see if i could find any showing my missing jewelry. i only found a couple. this, being one of them. not a good shot of the ear rings-- but one of my fave pix. it was taken when my nephew was living with us for a while. leave it to me to put us all in the same shirt. ugh. i do like the picture... but c'mon. tell me a 14 year old boy didn't think that was the geeky-est thing he'd ever been forced to do? sorry weis! i love you!

(PS: before i forget--- :)) ---- i don't EVER go on facebook anymore)

back to your regularly scheduled reading ....

anyhow-- yep-- those ear rings are one of the things that got ripped off in the move.

my aunt (dads sis) gave them to me.
she died suddenly and unexpectedly of a brain aneurysm almost a year after my dad died of cancer.
oooohhhh... i wish i would hear something more about what's goin on with this guy. why isn't he in jail? they know he robbed me. aren't they supposed to arrest him or something?? wth? i'm so pissed of about that still.

i'm so rusty at writing. i have no idea what to say here. sorry. i did a little cruisin and sayin hi today. that's about all i had time for , was to say hi. i was on my way to the dr. and errands . if i haven't got to your place yet-- i will.

welp-- things are just rollin along here. i'm still puttin stuff away, and my kitchen is my biggest dilemma. i have little storage, and no clue where to put anything. i've also been peeling wallpaper in the guest bathrooom for thelast couple days. i have a plan... but little energy. that's not good. i have the paint too-- goin "sage green". it'll be cool, if i ever get it finished. i also need to hang my pictures and do all that stuff too. otherwise i'd be showin ya pics of the place. i have the small stuff put up for the most part-- i mean no boxes are stacked around. but not much decor is goin on either. who wants to come help? i have no sense of martha stuart-ism.
whaaaaa.

angie was here again tho, btw. she helped us get the beginning stages of the unpacking and sorting done. i wouldn't be this far without her help. she's a miracle worker--and a great friend. i'd be standing in the middle of a sea of clutter if not for her. prolly in the old house :))
thanks angie-

welp folks-- i gotta go forage for food--

hope yall are well and happy today--
catchya later-

can't have nuthin !!!

howdy folks--- :))
i miss you. all of you. it's been hard not posting here, and connecting with you folks like before. it seems i have been busy enough lately though to not obsess over it. but i do miss y'all, and i miss writing. some days i feel like i might explode from not writing
or connecting with my peeps. but at the same time, i find it "safer" staying away.
yet----- here i am. i'm sure it would have been much more difficult if those of you who have continued to email etc, wouldn't have. that has really helped me to at least know there are still some out there who think of me.

anyhow. things around soulland haven't been what many of you would think they have been. what with buying a home, and decorating, and all that comes with that.
it has been a very --- scratch that. it has been a most difficult time for me. in many ways. physically, of course. y'all already knew that would be a problem. it continues to be a problem, and a severe one. i'll get back to it-- but it didn't help things in what i'm about to mention.

due to my physical limitations , i had to have the movers help do some packing this time. this was the first time in my life that i did not -- or we did not, pack everything ourselves. we got maybe 80-90 percent done, but the rest i just didn't get to. mainly what was left wasn't "that" important. the kitchen. or part of it. a few closets. linens, etc. basically just crap. i packed my office first. it took a few days, it had the most stuff in it that was important. nik naks, trinkets, just important stuff. i hurt like hell at the end of that few days. throw in a couple doctors-- lose a couple days... blah blah blah.

then back on my feet-- i tell soulkid-- gather your jewelry-- put it in your jewelry box--and put it with mine so i can pack it before the movers come. she actually did that. it took her a couple days but she did it. by that time-- i was focused on other things-- packing my hutch-- another thing that i insisted that i pack myself. personal, sentimental things you know. before i could blink.... it was moving day.
everything that meant a shit was packed. except--- yep you guessed it--- the jewelry boxes!!!!! FOUR of them. three being mine, one being soulkids.

the sad thing? well one of the sad things? i noticed right away. i did. i'm just that way. but, people doubt me. and it makes me feel bad. and wrong. and a lot of the time, i am wrong. what i feel to be "missing", or messed with.. may not have been. that or i am convinced by someone that it hasn't. SO. i didn't say anything. even though.... i opened one of the jewelry boxes and KNEW at least one ring was GONE. i didn't say a word.

not until several days later. i went to untangle my chains that were in a hanging style jewely box made for chains. i noticed several things missing. i went on to another box. thinking--- hoping--- maybe they dropped one, and just tossed what fell out into another. NOPE. i only noticed more missing. i know everything that i own. down to the last antique coin. the last silver dollar. the last stupid little junk store ring.
they robbed the wrong person. yep. they robbed ME.

of course i got the "are you sure". did you check here or there" from a couple people.
people who should know me better than that. but remember-- i guess i'm just on my way out as far as my mind goes. senile, you know? yep-- it's not funny anymore is it? not to me either.

so anyhow. i filed a police report. of course. soulkid told me the next day that she did happen to be missing a gold ring that her boyfriend gave her. hmmm. guess they believe me now.

well, i got a phone call only two days later from a detective. to my surprise. i guess sometimes these folks actually do work for a livin. he wanted me to describe only the rings that i was missing. i did.. but soulkid had to describe hers, because i had only seen it once. i would know it if i saw it-- but i couldn't describe it. he had us go down and fill out forms... and then told us that he had run these movers names--- and had got a hit on one of them at a pawn shop in Dallas. the same damn day of the move. one of my rings, and soulkids ring. he sold them. i was, and am livid.

this is not the first time i have been robbed. but these guys. we invited them in. we bought them food. and we paid them.. to rob us. ugh.

i cannot replace what they stole from me . much of it was given to me. some of it , the person is dead now. gold hoop ear rings from my aunt. i don't have a good memory-- y'all know that. but every single peice of jewely that motherfucker took from me---- i remember the moment and the conversation that it was given to me.
i'll never have that back. it has been replaced by anger. and fear. my child and i now are both afraid that this guy is gonna show up here to hurt us. or do something to our home. or cars. or just something. because the least that will be done to him is he will lose his job. no one can have a job like that and be a theif. his job is gone.

i told the detective--- tell him, if he gives me ALL my stuff back i won't press charges-- if not-- he's goin to jail."
so. i guess he won't be goin to jail if i'm not there to testify. right?

we will be getting an alarm system..and motion lights. asap. hubby has a gun. it will now be put back together and loaded... oh yippee.. we all know i just love that idea. (i will not have access to it--nor will soulkid.... i still dont like the idea tho) but this is not a good situation folks.

here i am, the gal who raised her kid to not be predjudice. don't say the "N" word. and we get robbed by a black dude. i tried to see if would make me feel better to say that word. i said in ten times real fast. it made me feel worse. he was just a man. his color doesn't mean a thing. just sayin.

anyhow-- it would take days to catch y'all up on everything. so you know i won't write a book here today.
i don't know if or when i'll post again.
i just wanted to say hello-- and check in. and let ya know-- i miss all of you. i really do. so much it hurts sometimes, and days i just only wonder how each of you are, and i hope you are all ok.

i'll be back i'm sure. i just don't know when. i am very busy. my pain level had me at near suicide level the other day-- when i voiced that to a doctor--- they too stopped treating me like a idiot. i didn't get locked up like i thought i might. seein as i all i could do was sit there and cry. but i did get some medicine that seems to help. i also got another round of injections in my neck. something different this time. seems to feel different than the last time... but i don't feel very hopeful that it is the cure.
aparently the narrowing (spondylosis) has gotten worse. my future isn't very bright -- guess i can take off the shades. but anyhow. i have a seemingly decent pain doc now who is doing what he can to help me. (molesting, not included.)

so i just take each day as it comes... or try to anyhow.
i try to take a trip up the stairs at least once a day. the first week in this house that was a task i wouldn't even attempt. but now i do. and it's a start. i'm not givin up my legs just yet. i've given up-- and had taken from me all i can handle for now.


i really hope you all are doing great today in your worlds.
take care-

everybody loves a train wreck -

at least that's what i was told. it wasn't meant as a negative response. but it made sense. moreso recently then at the time actually. (it was said in reference to my blog, just so ya know)

anyhow. i see that. maybe i've seen it for a long time, and just didn't notice. but i do now.

i also see that perhaps my life is a train wreck.... whether i allow it to get that way, or circumstances take me there. i have never been kept down. i have been derailed, even crushed like a penny left on the tracks at times. but i have always.... i do always.. put a shine back on and roll on down the tracks. i don't stay down for long. ever.

call it stubborn. call it inspiring. call it bullshit. i don't care.

but right now--- call me a bitch if you want to, but i've had enough.

enough of the --- well everything.

in my real life...and my blog life-- which y'all know-- is the same.
i don't throw bullshit around in either.

i can't shut down my life here in the real world---

but as for this blog --- i can. and i am.

i really have had enough of it. layin my blood, sweat, tears, and heart out on these pages--- only to be left in a daze when someone i don't even know says something off the wall. or worse-- someone i DO know-- says nothing at all... or even more challenging.

no need to wait for the collision here. because train wreck or not--- as always--- i'll get up and walk away, just like i have always done. setting my dented up little train back on the tracks.. and movin on down the road. a little bit stronger than i was before.

take care y'all....
it's been real-
or has it?

was it something i said????

i'm still busy, and still crabby. but i won't make y'all listen to it. i'm just jumpin in to say hi.
i hope everyone is ok out there.
lots of you are on my mind every day , but i'm not findin the time to get around the blogs lately.
the movers come on august 1st... we have to be all the way out of this house by the 7th. for some reason, i want to shoot for the fifth tho. will let ya know. but we will be sleepin at the new place by the first. but still cleanin up etc over here. that should just just take a day or two. but then we gotta figure out when to get the boat over there and some other stuff.
so-- i will let ya know.

anyhow--- here's a video --- i heard this on the car radio the other day ---
when i got home i had to check out the video. now when i wanna crybaby, i think about this song :)))

workin offa comment here cuz i'm thinkless

(charlottes comment yesterday)

I know only too well what you're going through....well, PART of what you're going through anyway. Moving when you don't feel good could turn Mother Theresa into a bitch.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

* hey there charlotte--- and whoever else is here - :))

i agree-- and i sooo don't feel good. even my friggin thighs have swollen muscle "frogs" in em. imagine my back and neck. i think even God would get mad if he felt this way.

it's strange that i spent my entire life at "home" moving all the time-- several times a year. then in the military-- every year or two. but since the pain and all started... it's just awful . i can't even say the things that go through my mind at times. and every day it just gets worse. 7, 8 , 9 hours a day of packing, sorting, cleaning, and then when i finally get to sit down or lay down or eat -- i'm expected to be sociable???
of course i'm not. i try, but i can't be. i just want to be quiet and rest. so what does it turn into ? i'm the big bad bitch.
really makes me want to continue killing myself with all this crap. not.
last night was the worst so far. both of the other souls-- guilted me, while i was in bed finally, after layin in there for half an hour wondering which dr. i should call today about this fuckin pain. but when i told soul-kid that i didn't feel like looking at school clothes on the computer---at like 9 p.m.--- ooooh, I was mommy dearest. even though, i offered to watch tv with her instead--she got mad and left with a rude comment.
i just couldn't turn my head five hundred times craning my neck to look at web sites and stuff as she pulled them up. never a compromise.

BUT-- it was just fine the other day-- on friday night-- after i'd been cooped up all week, or runnin errands , or sortin crap... she "wanted to spend time with dad" - so they went to a movie and hung out---- even though-- i actually wanted to go. that was real nice .
i can't say soulman didn't ask me along-- after he heard that i was not "allowed" to go... i of course declined the offer.
daddy daughter time is important , i know that.
but anyhow-- that's just the way it is i guess.
they had a good time, and that was good for them.

/////////////////////////////////////////////

C--
I'm glad I haven't had to do it too many times. Of course its a great way to clean house.

* you got that right-- too bad it'll be the cleanest it's been since we moved in... only to leave it :))
but-- we'll be moving into a clean house-- and i swear it better stay that way... just the thought of it gettin trashed like other homes we've had makes me ill.
do these people not realize that i am literally unable to do some things? many things? they don't. i have come to that conclusion. even though soulman couldn't be a bit better about taking care of me when i'm sick, or need that kind of help.... they just don't realize that i'm on disability for a reason. "they" don't pass out disability for ten years for a black eye. so WTF.
give a gal a break. that's what i say. well. that's what i think anyhow. i've really tried to stop whining about my pain. it's hard not to, especially when all i can take is aspirin -- which in turn, tears up my stomach --- ugh.
i guess that's why moving is so damn hard on me. i have no choice but to just do it. get it done. get it un-done. and go on.

lemmee give the guy some kudos here tho--- he really did help yesterday with a lot of the cleaning stuff.. he did dishes, and floors, and stuff like that-- as well as packing his dresser and closet stuff-- so it's not like he isn't doing anything. but i guess i'm just a bitch.
but when he began having pain, and losing some of his strength? he began hiring movers. for what he used to do himself; like moving furniture etc. SO, where's MY hired help? oh, i forgot-- that would be me.
(angie came to help me with the garage--- but technically--- wouldn't the garage-- be the man's job?)
her help was HUGE-- don't get me wrong. meeting her finally was a pure joy, too. i wouldn't trade any of it.
but all i'm sayin is... i'm gettin really angry ... and sore, right about now. and it really takes a lot of the fun of the new home out the whole thing. and that makes me sad.
so does a lot of other things right now. but i won't get into that stuff.
ugh.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

- C -
Can't wait to see your place once you get all settled in. Is it in the same school district?

* it is, but... there might be a problem with the school she goes to. it wasn't a problem in january when she asked her dad to get her into it-- a school not even all the way built yet--- but now that her friends are going to her other school-- she wants to go there too--- and she is just boilin that she may not get to. she's never satisfied. and this is something we may not be able to change. i would love to though. cuz if she goes to the same school--- she can ride the bus--- if she goes to the new school--- guess who gets to drive her???
oh yeah. lucky me.
////

-C-
Close to shopping?
* kind of-- not too far ..
close to grocery, and video---- but clothes etc is about three miles further.... which is maybe the entire distance of our move :)) (again)

////

-C-
In a subdivision or sort of off by itself?

* not a subdivision, but a neighborhood... and thank God, NO home owners association! they are horrible out here. we've had "weed tickets" for our lawn...and for parking the boat on the street here!" no more worries about that crap. we can get rid of our boat storage now--- which will make up the difference in the house payment. woo hoo.
/////
-C-

Closer to soul-man's work or farther away?

*just a little further.. not too bad.

-C-
You must provide your many fans with this info.

* my many fans. :))
well there ya have it. and more.
////////////////////////

-C-
Settle down...have some iced tea and relax for a bit. Things will look differently when you get some rest. Hugs. Love, Charlotte.

* i know things will be better and look different-- or vice versa -- soon. that's all that keeps me goin right now.

thanks charlotte----- HUGS back to you!

hoping you, and everyone else have happy days in your worlds today!

i open my mouth and the bitch falls out

howdy folks--

after several attempts at writing an actual post this morning-- i have given up. i claim defeat. i am blogless. i am an exhausted bitch. hear me roar.

i am even a stranger to myself-
i've gone psycho -
i give lectures to the soul clan-
i am obsessed with deadlines,
and all that needs to be done, and CLEANED.
all i can think about or do involves two homes.

be afraid. be very afraid.

i'm SUCH a bitch - they made a magazine about me !

y'all have happy , bitch free days. i'm bitch enough for all of us!