perception? deception? or temporary state of mind?

when you first look at this photo what do you see..or think of?
is she peaceful, lying on the cool grass on a warm day maybe? thinking comforting thoughts of how good she has it. good friends, happy life, happy marriage, happy children, successful fulfilled life?

or how 'bout this one?
nice old couple, maybe married and best friends for the passed forty years.
content together , even on a rickety ole boat out on the freezing water, just being together.
kids surely grown and moved away, with the grandkids even grown , and moved on too.
yet content, and maybe the old couple next door that you watch walk down your quiet street every day hand in hand like clockwork, talking non stop- after all these years.
wondering, if you and your young marriage will weather the storms that you know theirs has,
as you watch the love between them become visible with each look or touch between them.

OR-what if THIS-

is what she saw-- unrealistic, psychedelic bugs , crawling on her skin--maybe even biting-
but only she believed they were butterflies, and it made her seem peaceful?
or maybe she pretended to be peaceful while in public-- while in reality she was confused?
or worse, terrified, but afraid to say anything?


OR- what if-THIS-
happens to be the old folks life behind closed doors?
maybe they walk hand in hand down that quiet street, looking at each other the way they do,
only because any day may be the last for one of them.
perhaps he or she is terminally ill, and though they do love each other,
one could be gone at any moment.
maybe they have no children, grandchildren, or other family;
not only not nearby, but maybe not at all.
maybe they don't have enough food to eat,
or money for medicine to keep the ill one going a little longer?
maybe the time the spend on the rickety old boat on the freezing water , in the freezing rain and temperatures,
is perhaps only in hopes that their feeble ship, and bodies will go down as one.
and their suffering will end together , just as their happiness began so many years before.


how do we know when we are reading the right signals from people?
whether we know them well, or only watch from a distance?
how do we know if we are even sending the right signals to people around us---
or even to ourselves?


for me, i can overlook the in your face type stuff---
and nit pick to death the hidden message-
that may not even be there.
how do ya know which instinct to follow??
when to push for answers when you don't get any?
does letting it go at--
"i don't wanna talk about it"

suffice as
"ok, i respect that", and you leave it alone?
or do you dig for more when you know there's more going on,
but some sort of fear of "something is holding someone back from
simply being open about it??


i'm not trying to confuse anyone-- and i don't want anyone trying to guess at who--if anyone i'm talking about--
it's a general question.
i will say a lot of it does have to do with ME and MY own perception-
of just about everything , and everyone-
and i know y'all already know how messed up that is.
but really.
i am not, and never have been the great communicator -
from me- or to someone else.
maybe in writing...occasionally.
but when it comes to crunch time--
i just can't find the words that i want to.
if i do-- it's hours, days, even months later--
and hell- what good is it then?
if it's about me.. the light bulb may go of and i can make changes if needed.
but if it's about someone else-
i always feel it's just too late-
wasted epiphany-- wasted whatever.
so why bother.
i keep it to myself 9 out of ten times--
and i never know if it still may have helped.
or not.

is any of this making sense?
or did i wake up too early again??

mixture of both maybe?
all i know at this point-
i was up way too late...
BUI-first time in awhile--
no tellin where i was or what kinda fool i made of myself.
just know it was prescribed-- and i try not to get online in that condition :))
sometimes i just do.
hubby saved me from the ole laptop strangulation yet again.
i know he thinks i'm insane-- but he loves me anyways.

i think early early way early on..
i said here somewhere
to know me is to love me..
i think that's a bit true---
cuz if you don't --
you surely gotta run as fast as you can to get away--
i really am --
well, in the words of foster and my blue hue pix...
KOOKY
:))
what a word...

hey-- the week is almost over---
anyone got big weekend plans-- let's hear em!

lookin for me?

here i am !
haha suuuure
well, i am goin fishin,
but i'll never look like that-
i will be back in a couple hours,
and after i get food for the fam and the poor kitties-
i will finally cruise around,
and see what y'all have been up to this passed week.

glad y'all like the video--
of course i like it too-
pat green is my hero- :))

catcha latah peeps
i missss you!!!!

two fer tuesday (pt one below)

oh man, i thought u tube might kill me with this one. for some reason it took like two hours to upload and process this thing. ugh. i'm sittin here fallin asleep. and starvin too.
who wants to bring us dinner? :))

anyhow-- i dropped of the river cameras this morning--- i got a phone call about twenty minutes later--- not a single picture was salvageable .... she said all three were full of water inside. needless to say, i was crushed. on the bright side though----- i at least thought far enough ahead to not try to take my good real camera on the tube .. that would really be devastating. so-- as for the river pix? i have none. but i did snag a few from the internet-- just so yall could see what it was like. we didn't have the black tubes, we had the red and blue ones..they were comfier- and had bottoms in em. but boy-- when you dragged yer ass on those big ole rocks-- it hurt anyhow. i didn't hit as many the second time i went :)) but i did hit a few.

anyhow--- here ya go-- pix galore---
i had to take a few out-- and it still runs about 5 pix longer than the music-- sorry.

welp- i'm up and around- sorta

hi peeps--

looks like it's back to the ole grind for this soul gal (sounds like "ole gal" ) feels like it too. :))
it's gonna take a week vacation to recover from the week vacation :))

anyhow-- i made a mistake in my bank yesterday-- and paid the kennel from the wrong one-- of three. will i ever close the extra two? goo-lawd. i've only planned on it for a year. i know ida done it by now if i didn't have to deal with the VA before closing the two i don't want. ugh. anybody wanna be my accountant.
so anyhow-- yup-- need to get to one bank by 9-and the other as fast as i can after that to cover the mistake-- which luckily they paid--so far without an overdraft fee-- hopefully i can get there fast enough that they won't charge me one... i have never bounced a check at that bank. at any bank-- well .. not ever-- but in like ten years or so. anyhow-- gotta go pretty quick. and would you believe the check i did bounce back then -- was for a pack of cigs??? a 30 dollar pack of cigs-- ugh.

anyhow--
what else?
it was nice to wake up (and sleep in for that matter) my very own bed-- and make coffee in my very own , normal sized coffee pot, and sit in my very own soul chair-- and smoke in my very own house... and chat with jamie like i'm used to in the morning-- rather than miss her--like has happened several times this week.

my morning routine sometimes sets the tone for my entire day-- and everything was kinda off while we were away---

but all in all it was good... we stayed very busy and active--- and it was almost stress free for me.. soulkid really worked hard at being good. she had a few complaints, and got homesick early on, but all in all, the arguments were few... and the whole time was overall excellent in my book.
we all had a great time.

but we are all happy to be home. the time we spent away was plenty. next time i think will be one or two days less. it was a bit over the top money wise-- but i really needed to get outta heah for a while.

welp-- i gotta go drop these cameras off, and try to cover my ass at the bank.. i'll be back!

cross your fingers the pix aint ruined... i might cry if they are.

yippee--- we made it !!!

we're home!!! we have our doggies! they were so happy to se us-- and we were happy to see them. and ALL of us were happy to BE home. and the kitties missed us and were happy we were back too.
we've been zombies for about an hour and a half-- and now i think it's nap time for me.
i have lots and lots of pics -- my plan is to do a slideshow- with music-- to make them a little more entertaining to look at-- but A)-- not only did my disposable camera get wet the day we went tubin in the river-- but B) the second time-- the day the other two soul peeps went to the outlet mall hell--- well.. i did somehow manage to talk them into droppin me off at the river to tube while they shopped.. i think jamies' comment had somethin to do with that :)) -- thanks bud :))
anyhow-- i took the longer trip-- over three hours vs, the 45 mins to 1hr one we took together-- and i don't know what happened-- the ONLY thing that got wet-- was the three disposable cameras ! not my cigs-- not my wallet-- not my phone-- just the cameras. i'm not complainin, just wonderin , how --or why-- that could be. so, i won't know til sometime tomorrow if any of the river pics even are gonna come out. when i find out- i will know if they get to be in the slideshow-- then it will take a while to get it put together, and up here.

and that my peoples, is about as much as i can do for now-- without fallin out on the spot-- daaaamn, i'm whooped.

i shall return later though-- and ad some pics and an update -- and tomorow, hopefully have the final wrap-up. i sure hope the river pics didn't get totally destroyed, there were some good ones on those cameras.

anyhow-- better go--
catchyalll latah-- i hope-

san antonio final 5 phew !

well we aint dead yet-- but close.
i swear, it feels like we have been gone for a month, yet it has only been few days. but it sure does feel like alot longer than that.
especially right now for some reason. i haven't been awake but maybe a half hour or so, and i am havin some major problems gettin these pix in the right order-- and correcting typos-- so just bear with me-- i don't have the battery life to spend half of it correcting mistakes. y'all know i am slow and blind in the mornings.

anyhow-- yesterday was day day 4-- or 3 1/2 however ya look at it-- i think i have been counting it as each day as one. so yesterday woulda been four by my count. so these would be san antonio day four, and today will be five- -- and tomorrow we are homeward bound. woo hoo-- and we are ready. pretty much all three of us-- are very ready to Be home.

we've done just about all that we had planned to do.. and that was all finished up by yesterday. all except the pool/jacuuzzi -- because when we finally made it down there, last night there wasn't room for a beer can..much less an extra body in the pool - or the hot tub. ugh, that was quite the bummer too, i was feelin that jaccuzi on my back and neck already. whaaaa.
oh, and sea worl-- still need to finish that up-- but i really don't think any of us care too much about it --good thing the tickets were discounted.

so anyhow, that was almost dinner time--when we went to the pool.

we didn't even roll outta the room for the day, til like noon!
that's when we went to forage for lunch ,and begin our day-


BUT-- NOT before hubby had to go find a laundromat--

oooooh-- the JOY--
i was sooo happy i didn't have to join him on this little adventure !

(don't ask me why it's blue-i dunno)

after the laundry-- we went to the observation tower i had mentioned.
when we got over there, we discovered that they charged way to much to go up there,
like 12.00 a person!
and soulkid an i just didn't care enough to throw away good money after bad, so told soulman to go up alone -
since he was the only one who really wanted to go anyhow, we would wait.
of course he didn't want to, by himself, but he did,
and he enjoyed it.


(an old church- from the tower )


while he was up there, me and soulkid just kicked around-
got her some dippin dots- took photos,
looked in a couple shops, and piddled around-- as you can see

(it took me ten tries for that pic- cuz she refused to pose ! )

(again-- blue hue-- not my camera-- so i dunno why it's blue..)

(cool-blu hue-pic-in front of tower)


finally, we leave there, and walk over to the alamo---

(a shot of the alamo)

--me and my child--
LOOK - she can smile! kinda :))

--here she is again, with her dad--
she likes him better :))

--and here's me and my soulman..--

not much to brag about for the rest of the day..
dinner in the room..and a too full pool to get into.
:((




will let ya know how today goes.

and then tomorrow-- yep-- we go home. :))
after-- shopping hell.
i'm tellin ya-- i wanna get dropped off to tube the river while they shop--
make them let me do that :))
shopping that marathon mall will ruin me for days!
then everyone will hate me...

i hope you all are doin great!

does anybody know what day it is?

i think i made this trip a little too long. i don't know nuthin bout birthin no damn vacation.
soulkid is homesick already-- ya, you'd think that would be a little difficult-- being here with both parents-- but i guess there is more at home for a teenager to miss these days than her parents-- in fact-- this is when they hate their parents. guess i forgot that part in my planning.
she wants her dog-- her cats-- her room- her privacy-- and of course-- her friends. stupid me.

and soulman-- he hasn't been home cept that one night , in like a week or more already-- so of course he wants to be home. he wants to fish, wants to talk to his friends.. and wants to hear how everything went and how everyone is with what happened with his friend in the crash the other day.

as for me??? i miss my dogs.. i already have shin splints from walkin like three or four miles a day-- as compare to maybe 1-- IF that. on days i fish. (only a couple a week ) ugh. just shoot me. i cannot believe how lazy i really am. it's sad actually. the way i have just given up-- or given in-- or whatever-- to my limitations. i need to be more like some other people i know-- and put more fight into this damn fear of making the pain worse-- and look at it like -- it will get worse before better type outlook. cuz even tho i do hurt from all the walking and extra activity-- mentally-- i feel better than i have in MONTHS! i am a little on the crippled side-- kinda lookin like a hobbit or something from Lord of the Rings-- yep "Smeagol!"
LOL
but--- it's been sooo good for me. -- all of us.

but, well like i said-- i think it shoulda been a couple days less. we still haven't done or seen a lot tho---
we haven't even been over to the Alamo-- or used our second day pass to Sea world yet. and there is some kind of observation tower right across from the hotel that soulman wants to go up in. ya ride a elevator to the top-- and i guess just look at the city and take pics. i sit on the balcony and watch the elevator go up and down.. it goes quite fast btw-- faster than i thought it would.



yesterday we were sposed to do those things.. well.. except sea world-- but we were gonna do the more mild things-- and laundry , and swim in the hotel pool....
know what we did do??? we slept ... ALOT. we were all three worn OUT. of course i was the worst of all of us. i would sleep three hours, wake for one or two and be out again. hubby slept a few hours and he was fine, then soulkid took a long nap-- but me... i slept like a cat all day-- and didn't even leave the room til 8 o'clock-- to find dinner. and if that didn't mean chain smoking in the car-- vs outside on the balcony-- i may not have even left for that :))

the other two-- at lunch did walk to the river walk, for lunch at the hard rock cafe-- we started to go there on our first night here-- we opened the door--walked in-- and i could NOT handle all the noise in there. it was awful. like walkin into a heavy metal band venue. i am just too old. it made my head pound, and ever nerve in my body wind up like a friggin rubber band. no way would i survive an hour in that place. so i told them that night -- they should go back some other time without me.. i just can't do it. so they did-yesterday. and i stayed here at the room... and chilled-- in the silence-- that i love.

sooo... yep/// lazy lazy day--
we have a lot to do and catch up on today-- but it has to start with finding a laundry mat. which to my dismay-- the hotel doesn't have on site-- i was surprised at that. i have been in cheaper hotels-- and it seems if they have a pool.. they have washing machines.
anyhow-- we still have our wet river clothes in our laundry--and if it doesn't get washed today-- a lot of stuff is gonna be ruined-- not to mention we wont have sea world clothes.

soooo--- on that note-- i reckon i better wake the clan-- cuz if we don't get goin it will be 100 degrees already and no one will wanna go anywhere.
and we can't afford another wasted day-- if that happens again, we might as well just pack up and go home.

someone needs to tell these guys that i can float the river for a few hours by myself while they shop-- i am a big girl. i don't wanna shop-- or walk for three hours :((
what do they think'll happen to me.. i have done much more dangerous things in my life.

ok.. anyhow-- my delicious.. three cups of coffee is gone.. and i am out of coffee filters.
i am also smoking in the bathroom this morning.. cuz i can't see the computer screen outside.
i hope i don't get caught. i smoked in here a while yesterday-- no one noticed the smell. hope they don't today either. :((
i want more coffee dammit.
perhaps i shall wander downstairs and forage me-self a cup??? (or two)

happy satahday!

howdy peeps--- happy friday to ya---

we are still in san antonio-- today is day four-- well technically at least. it's really day three-- but tonight will be night 4. or somethin like that. i soo lose track of time. i can't keep it straight at home-- i sure can't keep it straight here. i swear we are on the run from 9 a.m til 9 p.m. we get back to the room around 9 at night each night-- if we're lucky, and by then we're ready to just crash. of course it takes an hour or two to get wound down enough to actually fall asleep. but the days have been very very exhausting. and sooo not what any of us are used to. we are what normal people would call... well, lazy i guess. :)) ... and there is just no bein lazy here. not if we wanna get our moneys worth out of this vacay thing.

so-- to recap-- our first night- we did the riverwalk and dinner-- walked about two blocks or so from the hotel over there, and quite a bit on the riverwalk, found a place to eat-- nothin to brag about. it was extremely small.. packed, loud, and SLOW. but-- the food was decent-- but also sort of expensive- for what it was.

that's about as far as the first night went-
pix a couple posts below.

day two-- was sea world- lotsa walkin, i near brok my neck on a roller coaster-- owwwwwie.. never gonna do that again. maybe with a cervical collar-- but i tell ya-- that shit was pure hell on my neck. torture i say-- but it was really lotsa fun to ride it with my girl.
after that-- we fed some seals-- little bitty fishies. not sure what they were-- sardines maybe-- i have a few pics-- which i shall put on here latah.

also saw the sea lion show-- which was good-- tried to film part of it-- and take some photos-- thru ziplock bags--to keep my camera dry-- it worked-- but didn't come out very clearly. but-- it works good enough.

after that we were toast-- came back to the room, took naps-- went back out- with plans to see the night time "rock with shamu show" which sounded to be lotsa fun.. but we were runnin late-- and have two day passes so have time to go again. none of us had the stamina to rush through sea world to get parking and a seat-- in 15 minutes-- so we skipped it to go another night before we leave-- just not that night-- possibly not even to-night. us old folks are feelin every minute of our age right about now. and that isn't very good, so this will have to work.

so then we drove back by sea world and it looked as if it was closest to shamu-- so we decided that we would go back another time in the morning, when it es cooler. check/check? check? alls good, less-roll !

sooo.. we found a place to eat-- gorged ourselves-- and came back to the room for the night. and that is what we did.

ahh but not before scopin out the pool and peacocks first. that was really cool. and diferent. and something i've never seen at a hotel before-- anywhere. and i have been to a lot of hotels during all my travels.

soooo... this brings us to yesterday---
plans were sketchy at best in the morning. i think the plan was to finish up day two at sea world. but it was scorchin hot by 8 a.m. waaaay hoTTT. so we talked about swimming at the pool, then we talked about walking around here-- riverwalk, alamo, shoppin, eatin, that kinda easy on the body stuff.... instead-- we ended up goin to some other town a ways from here-- thirty miles or so-- and tubin down the Guadalupe river. oh man that was sooo much fun. and something i haven't done since i was a kid. we used to tube in the Kern river in california when i was like 10 or so..and later in my teens. i loved it then.. and i loved it yesterday. and i would love to do it again before we leave-- but i don't know if the other two want to.

but-- after that-- we were more than half way to austin-- so we went on into austin and took soulkid to "the Drag".. the same place she wanted to go to last time we came down this way when she brought her friend last time we went to the timeshare at canyon lake. but like i said-- no friend for her this time-- that plan fell through at the last minute. bummer for her-- but better for us-- financially-- as well as having her all to ourselves :)) she is actually being good-- overall-- and i have had more soulkid hugs, and good times--than i have in the last six months combined!
so anyhow-- back to where i was-- got sidetracked-- so we went to the drag-- and let her do some school clothes shopping. the child is in desperate need of some clothes. poor thing.
i also ended up having to get a new pair of VANS-- seein as how mine were still wet from the river-- yep-- my tube flipped over right on top of me--as i tried to get in it without tippin over-- it was pretty funny. i'm so glad i can laugh at myself--otherwise-- i am sure i woulda been mortified. but i laughed like an ass instead. and of course so did hubby, soulkid, and the twenty people who watched it happen. :)) it was great. cold but great. a true kodak moment-- missed.

BUT here are the shoes--

you love em dontcha?


ummm... after the walkin the drag, shoppin and eatin..
oooh here's where and what we ate---
oh wait-- first-- here is one of the store we went in--
i met a guy--
my new boyfriend...
he will never talk back, or nag at me--
kinda hot too huh?
:))



oh and here's his new underwear--
aint they sexy?


okkkay--
HERE-
is where, and what we ate-

(where)


(what)

this was my original order-
half a philly cheese steak-and chips--


this is mine-- AFTER hubby suggested i get a WHOLE sandwich--
the half i didn't have room for.
:))



soulkids salad meal--
the only wise one of the bunch at dinnertime-- :))
for once-
if not for the insane amount of salt and sugar-
my kid would be the picture of health !


and here is soulmans small- 5 meat pizza-
the man does like his meat!




sooooo--- after we ate-- we headed back to the hotel--
really thinking we would finally be back before 9 pm for once...
well, it didn't work out that way.
1) there was a LOT of traffic-
and
2) i saw a starbucks--
which just so happened to be at the same exit as a :
GIGANTOID outlet mall in san marcos.
so of course we had to cruise through to see what they had...
that damn place is the most huge, big, ginormous, humongous-
mall, shopping center-- whatever ya call it-
that i have ever seen !
it will take an entire day to shop there--
SMOCHA YOU WOULD BE IN HEAVEN !!!
(speakin of "your" heaven--here ya go--)

here's another little slice for ya-- :))


i of course will be in HELL as you all know already !
but it would surely be a good place to get school clothes- so how can we pass it up- right?
yep-- we can't.
(i mean the outlet mall- not goodwill btw :)) -

i suggested they drop me off at the tubin place at the river while THEY go and shop-- but all i got was a few snickers--
so i took that as a no-
rude eh?
no way will i last long at that place. no friggin way.
but i spose i will have to try.
but without exaggerating-- this place has got to be-
at minimum a mile or more long-
and sort of rectangular - i guess.
sort of.
whatever-
it is friggin-
HUGE
and i will die- or want to if they make me go !
whaaaaaaaaaaa whaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!!!!
i don't wannnnna - NOOOOOOOO !!!!

so anyhow--
i shall return , maybe tomorrow,
with todays events,
which i hope will be slow and boring-
and will allow me to cruise blogs-
and nap.
omg- i am tired and worn down.
havin a great time- but worn the hell OUT !
i'd prolly be ready to go home-
but still have lots to do and see !

anyhow--
more pix later--
the river pix, we took on disposable cameras--
i dropped mine in the water (of course) :))
we won't develop those til after we get home.
so be watchin for those.
i didn't wanna risk ruinin my good camera.
but hopefully we got some good ones.
and i know i took the most-- so hopefully by gettin it wet-
the pix didnt get ruined.
i will cry.



hope you all have happpppppy days in your worlds today-
things are goin great here !

ps--
thanks for your words and well wishes to my hubby-
he really does appreciate that-
his buddies' funeral is today-
and you know he is on his mind.

you are all such great peeps -
love you guys !

san antonio day two-

soul vacation day 2
san antonio-


before we left the hotel yesterday-
we stopped by the pool to check i t out-
this is what we saw-

a peackock!
of all things- at a hotel pool.
very strange- and pretty.
there were two.
one was pure white.
awesome.
soulkid called it a
POPPYCOCK!
LOLOL
she knew the word-but like me-- it slipped her mind :))
i forgot to get a pic of the POOL- will do that later-

breakfast at cracker barrel - :))
soulman-- wearing soulkids shades-
soulkid- obviously mortified:))
"my dad is a nerd-
and i hate being in photos with the parental units :(( "

personally--
this is one of my faves so far.
i have very few photos of the two of them together .

and-- here i am, with soulkid--
right after making one of the MOST stupid mistakes-
EVER in my life.
ok.. ever in the passed few years---
i road a roller coaster with my daughter.
i will admit it was the funnest thing i have done with her in YEARS!
it really was fun.
it was also the first time she has ever ridden a roller coaster and NOT cried-
and the FIRST she has ever ridden with ME-
so, that meant a LOT to me.
BUT-
i found out the extremely hard and fast way---
that aperson with absolutely NO neck strength-
should NEVER EVER EVER
ride a roller coaster !
DUH.
i damn near killed myself.
i really did not think about my neck. i did think about my back- but thought it would be ok.
my neck got whipped around on there like a damn ice cube in a blender !
NEVER AGAIN!
it STILL HURTS LIKE HELL.
i wouldn't trade that 2 minutes for anything...
i loved it- the experience with soulkid-
but the pain?
no no no no no.

(thanks soulman- nice shot :))

here i am TRYING to recover a little before continuing
after the roller coaster :P

and this would be me at the end of the day-
do i look FAT???
:))

misssin y'all

WE'RE HERE-- AND I HAVE INTERNET - WOO HOO !

(and i don't have enough battery left to correct any mistakes--like those caps up there-- )


here's one of the things i can look at while i smoke on the balcony--
but it scares me--- makes me think of "The Omen" scary! (when the nanny jumps out the window part
that music.. argh-- creepy.
but in a pretty kinda way :))

and here we are last night-- before headin out to dinnah---
whadda crazy bunch a goons eh?

i have to do my cruisin later on when my battery charges.. cuz i am outside smokin and chokin...
and my batery is litterally on it's last few seconds of life

well dammit ! (post # three for today-- already)

hi again..

i'm still sittin on my ass-- but, not for long. i really am about to get up and movin around.

i just wanted to let y'all know somethin. i don't know about about y'all, but as far as i go-- and my bloggin peeps.. i get to where i pretty much care about not just them, but their hubbys and kids too. ya know.. cuz well, what happens to them, of course affects y'all too-- for one. or maybe it is a little more than that- i don't know, but i don't have time to analyze that part of it right now.

but anyhow-- what i'm gettin at is soulman. poor guy is havin it pretty rough this last few days.
you'd think that his little trip down to lake amistad with the boys and his brother would have been really good for him. right? he has never done anything like that before since we have got married. 16 years -- strapped down at home.. and never one to go out and hang with friends or anything like that. he fishes with people now and then, but that isn't often.. once a month for a tournament, and maybe a weekend day here or there. so really i thought he'd have a blast.

did he? well, he did-- but when he got home-- he said "i'm NEVER goin away like that again, i missed you guys".

on top of missing us , i had the little medical "thing" happen, and left him down there to worry for a day and a half of his four. he wanted to come right home when i told him, but really i knew i would be fine and wanted him to stay. but he still couldn't help but to worry. ( i didn't want to tell him til he got back-- but i really had to -- because of the way things were planned.)

so-- anyhow-- like i said-- he got home last night-- well evening.. like 430 - 5 ish. he was whooped too. man he was tired-- and sunburnt.
and of course---- the daughter-- well... PMS galore--- welcome home daddy-- dammit! she was a bear and hardly spoke to him.

moving onto this morning---
lets begin with me-- also with my little visitor-- miss PMS-- (pass me a shotgun)--- :))

now tell me , all that isn't bad enough for a poor ole tired guy who just got back from a long tiring trip--- facing another-- back to back---now get THIS---

a while ago-- just after i posted the video-- to motivate me-- the wind got blown right outta both of our sails-- he was readin some of his web pages-- similar to blogs-- but not-- and found out that one of his friends had got in a motorcycle wreck last night--- and died !
he took it really hard.

we discussed puttin off the trip for a week or so , so he could go to the funeral etc, but he said he would be fine, and the trip would be better for him, and help him take his mind off of it. i hope that's true.
if not, we may end up comin back for an overnighter in a few days to attend the funeral.

my poor hubby--- some vacation eh?
he will still have a full week left on vacation after we get back from san antonio-- i hope the soulman curse will have lifted by then--

but anyhow--
if anyone wants to send him a shout out-- feel free-- he will read any comments you leave here for him-- he does lurk on occasion. :))

anyhow-- i really do suppose i better get of me arse about now.

if i can't get online down there-- i will miss yeeeeewwwww----

just tryin to motivate-- maybe you'll like it too

here is some very cool tunage by Kid Rock-
that sounds Nuthin like his usual style-
i am LUVIN his new CD- altho-- i do skip over a few tracks-
cuz i'm just kinda - well.. old, maybe :))

ENJOY !

do ya know me - results

Do Ya Know me results:

Eight people played the game:

I will put highest number correct

Lowest number correct

most unique answer (s)

funniest answer (s)

most outrageous answer (s)

and “most touching” answer (s)

without naming names.

But will say who “knows me best” :))

The players were-

Smocha, mary, AC, angie, Portia,

Charlotte (val), Motha, & Desert Dirt Diva :

- unfortunately- smocha was ousted as winner by default :(( -

THE RESULTS:

Where did we meet? __= outrageous- texas September 2008 !
( I met everyone here blogging- and it's NOT september YET :)) LOL )

--- also outrageous= Gotham :))

Take a stab at my middle name? most missed - two ppl got this one—three if ya count my sis- but she can’t count here--– (it’s sue originally – changed to maiden now-)

Do I smoke? Everyone cept one got this (I LOVE to smoke !)

Color of my eyes? About 50 / 50 here – I must wear shades in my photos too much-

(They’re blue) - (ppl said-green, or brown..or blue-)

Do I have any siblings? Touching – not many people know this- but one - aside from smocha-did mention my brother who is deceased. (And smocha is my sister)

What's one of my favorite things to do? Most common = fishing. Everyone got this one/ I should get paid to fish!

What's my favorite type of music? Funny - Canadian Folk Music (most said classic rock- yup!)

Am I shy or outgoing? Mixed answers—but it’s true--

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? Mixed answers but that’s true too

Any special talents? Unique grippy toes LOL- true tho- and 2 said it !

How many children do I have? Touching - (another not well known to many, but – “one teenage daughter. and two angels.” (someone else mentioned this too- but in email.)

If you and I were stranded on a deserted island, what is one thing that I would bring? Unique – laptop / and another said my meds and my dog- LOL-- everyone else said fishin stuff

(I would actually LOVE to have it ALL!) greedy bitch eh?

According to the results of this test:

Mary knows me best-

THANKS FOR PLAYING YALL

It was loads of fun-

HAPPY HAPPY TUESDAY IN YOUR WORLDS TODAY !!!

smocha saved me from the dilema of havin nuthin to post today--

if you care to play-- copy and paste this to word on your pc.. and email it back to me-- and i will post the results in form a survey type thing.
it could be fun. :))
y'all can do it on your blogs too- might be fun-- or it just might break our little egos huh..
nobody cares boo hooo. oh well we're big kids, we can take it right?

who wants to play?

my email is


soulmange@yahoo.com


Where did we meet? _____________________

Take a stab at my middle name?______________

Do I smoke?______________________

Color of my eyes?____________________

Do I have any siblings?__________________

What's one of my favorite things to do?__________________

What's my favorite type of music?_____________________

Am I shy or outgoing?___________________________

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules?_______________________

Any special talents?________________

How many children do I have?______________

If you and I were stranded on a deserted island, what is one thing that
I would bring?__________

you'll be ok -- it's a quickie

Dedicated To AC (at: I Know Not What)

much stuff about not much

well, here i was with all these big plans on a big post for the morning. to answer some questions, and explain some new changes in plans-- YES.. AGAIN. geesh. i got up way too early today. it wouldn't have been bad -- or at least not "so bad", id i had been on my normal schedule-- like goin to- or bein asleep by 930- 10 p.m.... but lately-- like passed three weeks, i haven;t been able to get to sleep til around 12 or 1 am. but it just isn;t happenin for me. down at 9 or 10 ok. but not asleep til real late-- and up early several days in a row-- like 3-4 a.m. -- guess what time i got up this morning? 3:33. that's just too flippin weird ! and weird, that i see that number so very often. that didn't even start happening til the year my mom died-- 2005?? hell, i'm not even sure anymore. that's pretty terrible of me huh. prolly better that way tho-- everyone elses death is etched in my mind like a deep wound that won't heal. i'm pretty sure it was o5 tho-- june.
why that matters all of the sudden i have no idea-- so i will move on---

anyhow-- i was starting this post to bitch that i had spent the last hour lookin for some pics to go with it, but couldn;t find any-- so was goin to give up on it-- but now that i look at it-- who needs pix right? it's goins somewhere-- little scattered , but it's movin. so i'll just keep goin with it.

oh, anyhow-- back to 333-- yep-- i was actually sleepin pretty good-- til i suddenly hear some very very loud, and crappy music. so i laid there a minute to figure out where it was coming from.. that didn't take long-- it was coming from soulkids room.. at the opposite end of the house.. ERG... so i had to get up-- walk all the way out there , and of course i go in her room to turn it off-- and i get scolded-- "i'm still awake , leave it alone"-- well, ummm, i'm awake TOO.. thank you very much... "mwa muwa muwa mwa---ugh--- she turns it down.. but of course not enough. i get all settled in with my coffe etc... and i hate to have ANY noise in the morning. but i hear her music still-- and it is the same song--- on repeat-- it's not blasting loud, but i hear it-- clearly, and for the FIFTH time. i couldn't stand it anymore. i go back in there to TRY to turn it off. i'm not familiar with that stereo-- i can't find the buttons.. it's dark.. she wakes up bitchin at me-- i was almost asleep...nag nag nag... uhhhh welll scuze me... i still hear it and i don't want to--- aaaahhhhhhhhhhhrrrrggggg... she turns it down again.. i get back out here -- get comfy-- i still hear the damn thing.
why is it i'm deaf when i want to hear-- and when i don't want to hear, every single sound is amplified??? i finally put on the acoustic rock station on tv. very low of course, but enough to drown out her crap. it's distracting. but that could be a good thing. so far it is.


so --- it's goin on 5 now-- where does the time go? seems the day just drags it's ass when i actually am trying to something productive, but when i'm on here four hours can just disappear in a flash. time goes faster on here than even when i'm fishin. i'd like to know why that is.

so , now that i've written my hour long preface-- is that the word?? :))
i'm havin trouble finding the right words to use lately. but i guess that'll have to do.

but anyhow-- movin on--

i did manage to get the dogs placed in the kennel yesterday. -- did i say that somewhere already? if so-- sorry. if not-- i did. i was relieved that they had space on short notice too. they are closed today for drop-offs, so i had to take em in yesterday-- but i didn't take em til almost five p.m. cuz i didn't want them to stay a minute longer than they had to. i missed them terrible by 8 . i really love my doggies. they are like my kids--- i know y'all think i'm an evil bitch-- but i just don't worry about - or miss my cats like i do my dogs. i feel detached when im not with my dogs. it's like bein away from my kids. ya know.
the cats though? i swear-- they are like havin a running lawnmower , constantly goin through the house-- they really are that irritating and destructive. ugh. i do care about them.. i would never wish anything bad on them.. i just am not attached to them.

ok-- well, i've delayed this part enough i spose. i didn't even wanna put it up. but i had people mention hearing about or knowing about lake amistad-- and then.. wishin me my big fish from there. that i can't just wait two weeks or so to say this. it really may not even be a surprise--
because as you know-- i am ME--- and shit like this just seems to happen to ME-- alot-- and it did-- again.

until i have more specifics on this-- i'll just say that-- "for medical reasons"-- that ought not surprise any of you--- lake amistad has been suddenly pulled from our itinerary. :((
i had to call hubby last night to let him know that i should not drive that far on my own.. especially with two kids in the car-- and that he should come get us.
i'm really not up to that much driving-- and he will have had his four days down there-- so, he will be home monday-- and we will just leave the boat here, and we will only go to san antonio for the vacay thing. there's quite a bit to do there... enough to keep us and the girls satisfied, and happy for a few days. sea world, schlitterban water park, the alamo, the river walk-- with lotsa restaurants, and shopping, a pool at the hotel, --apparently with peacocks walkin around it :)) ,
we'll surely find stuff to keep us busy.
we have been there once before .. like 7 years ago-- our first real family vacation. soulkid was missing her two front teeth. :)) and she was sweet and had a lot of fun, and we didnt even do much that time. so i think this will be a good time.
i got the room on priceline last night-- saved 45 bucks a night doin it that way :)) --- bad thing-- it's a damn NON-smoking hotel. BUT- all rooms have balconies-- so i can smoke out there-- or if it's ground level that won't be so bad either. i don't mind smokin outside so much when it's warm.. but if it's freezin i get pretty pissed off to have to smoke outside after payin for a room.

so anyhow-- my dreams of catchin me a big ole hawg at amistad is put on hold. i do want to go -- sometime. it's just too nice a place to not fish-- at least once. it just can't happen right now. besides,, from the looks of things in san antonio-- with our original plan.. hubby would have still had the boat--and i would have had my car-- and parking is over 20 bucks a day-- and near impossible. like new york. so-- it's all ok.

anyhow-- i've been up for almost 2 hours, and i am soo damn tired i cant stand it-- but i'm not one who can usually go right back to bed... but i'll bet i'll be ready for a nap before noon ! i kinda hope i can pull thru the day today tho-- i do have a lot to do. i did manage to get a lot done yesterday-- just not enough. much i need to do can be done on my ass today tho-- :))

what are y'all doin today????

i should be fishin-

happy satahday peeps-

i have become quite the procrastinator this passed few months-- okay-- this passed year. it's terrible. i used to be so responsible. somehow i must find that responsible-ness in me again. i can't continue this way. it gets way to overwhelming , and i get way too frazzled when it comes time that i realize just how out of control my life is. it seems so sudden, but i know it isn't sudden. but , not until i'm in the middle of putting everything back together. it's enough to make me crazy. or mono -focussed at minimum. to where all i can think about is how much i haven't done-- have to do--- or will never catch up on. and that only puts me further behind in everything else. my neverending pit. pretty soon, i'll have dug myself a hole to china!

anyhow--
today is my last chance to get a ton of stuff accomplished
before leaving on monday-
the business stuff at least.
the packing, and cleaning can wait til tomorrow if it has to-
but the kennel, post office, banks, (yep--STILL have THREE -eegads.)
fill rx's, pay/mail bills-through like the 10th, that kinda stuff-
all has to be done today.
but any kind of business - this is it for me.
i hate waiting til the last minute-
i never ever used to do this.
it kills me.
i hate to be rushed, yet i always am.
and it's always my own fault.
maybe i need adderoll - for my possible ADD?

regardless of what my problem is-
i am sure hoping that this trip helps in some way.
the getting away from this house- and animals-
and believe it or not- responsibilities- i really do have some.
and just being able to spend time with the clan, and do whatever we want to do-
will help get us all back on track.

cuz-- i don't know exactly when things changed--
maybe around when school let out-
but it really seems like my whole world went to hell-
along with the rest of us (the fam)
i see it in my writing- my relationships-
everything..and everywhere.
i even feel it in my body.
not to mention my mind.
it has to change.
it has to get back to normal.
i have to get back to me.
i hope this is what we need to make that happen.

perhaps it will be a big ole bass at lake amistad...



maybe just a walk down the riverwalk in san antonio?



maybe just gettin the heck outta dodge for a while?
no tellin...
but somethin has to change-
somethin has to make a difference.
not much else seems to be working--
and not for lack of trying.
i have really done a lot to make things better.
but a lot seems to stay the same--
or even seem a bit worse.
i'm doin the best i can to not shut down-- like i'm used to-
like i want to..
but if something pivotal doesn't happen soon-
no matter how big or small it needs to be-
i think i'm gonna be a little worried at the direction this blog is gonna go in.
the writing here lately is just not ME .
it's scrapin the bottom of the barrel, just to write for writings sake,
there is no natural flow-
it's forced, and desperate--
"most of the time"
and i just don't see any sense in writing that way.
i just feel judged -- or maybe just too boring.
"guarded"-- that's the word..
i'm bein too "safe"
no idea--
but if i don't like my posts--
i can only assume that y'all don't either.

but anyhow---
if anyone feels like sayin a prayer or two today-
toss one of em up for me eh?
to get all i need to do done before i have to leave?
:))

so i can do the happy dance--
this one makes me happy--
how can you not smile at THIS:

friday finale

quick update on the outcome of the twelve hour adventure of the day---
it turned out just as i thought it might. yep, soulkid called at like 620 -- havin a heat stroke (not literally) - but she was hot, and exhausted, and ready to be picked up. the concert , which was the main reason she - and the others went today.. not just the 3 extras i drove, but like 3 or 4 more they met there, was only half way over, but she was done. they left the show early, rode one last roller coaster and she called me.
she was the only one i had to bring home, thank goodness. i did not want to take three other kids to three other places. they all came here together this morning, but i was to take them to their homes tonight. so i was happy for the reprieve.
she was in a much better mood after being picked up than on the way there. she even thanked me for the ride (s). i was pleasantly surprised. as i was all prepared for a whole new argument the whole time i drove back out there. phew. i really hate arguing with her. she can be such a sweet kid when she wants to be. too bad she doesn't wanna be more often :))

so anyhow-- yep i was happy to not have to leave late and in the dark. and also to have her back and know she was safe, and not sick, and fed, and home. i know-- she's a big girl now-- but i do worry about her. especially at a place like six flags. that place was horribly packed today. geesh i worry about her being ten minutes late from school, and that's right across the street. am i just weird??

anyhow-- i've been workin on gettin the house and bills, and budget caught up to leave for vacation. we will be leaving early monday morning. i keep forgetting to call the friggin kennel though. ugh. by the time i finally did remember to call today it was 7 pm, and they had closed at 6. if i don't remember to call tomorrow--i'm in big trouble. i may be anyways. they're closed on sunday-- so if a) they don't have space this coming week.... or b) i forget to call-- i don't know what i'll do on monday when it's time to leave. i may be stuck here an extra day trying to find a place to leave the dogs. i sure can't take them with us. (the cats have always done fine on their own when we go away though , so i'm not worried about them.. but the dogs-- ugh.)

so -- that's about it for this day--

soulman called a while ago-- he left this morning at like 2 a.m. and is already down in del rio-- at lake amistad. he met down there with a few guys he knows...and his brother ended up going too. they all fished today, and apparently caught lots and lots of fish.. but none over 3 1/2 pounds. he said it was real windy though-- 30 mph maybe. sposed to be like 17 mph tomorrow-- i sure hope it's not windy like that when i get there. from what i have been readin and seein online-- there are some huge fish/bass in that lake--- my ten pounder is there-- i feel it in my bones. ok.. maybe my 7 pounder. but i am gonna get my biggest bass ever there-- i hope.

so-- quick change of subject before i go--
i haven't had a chance to find out what this means yet , but that's my next stop before i go to bed....
but , take a look at this video-- then tell me which way you see her turn.. clockwise? or counter-clockwise.
i'll give my answer after some of you do. k? i just want to see what the majority answer is first. cuz my answer on the page i got it from.. was not the same as the others. hmmmm.



which way did she turn? did she change directions at all?

my kid is tryin to kill me---

i don't have time to post anything-- right now-- i am being forced to take her-- and two friends to six flags -- in a few minutes. she had a ride-- there and back planned and ready.. that canceled last night--- peachy, right. hmm. i would not have agreed to this. i cannot see in the dark to drive. besides that? i am in my jammies early-- and i have to go pick these kids up at ten tonight. omg. it'll kill me. friday night DFW traffic , with night blindness. the last time i drove in the dark, i was having a mental attack, and i didnt even notice i was blind. :))
i'm already pissed off and haven't even left the house.

so-- that's where i'm at today--- but i have a lot to do to keep my mind off of it today-- i hope. i bet i'll be worried too much to accomplish a thing. like heat stroke. 12 hours at six flags-- in 100 + degrees. that is just too ridiculous. i wonder which one of these kids had that bright idea. i also wonder which one will be ill first. mine is already whining about being tired. she'll be sick as a dog by the time i pick her up at ten--- if she makes it that far. she already doesn't last very long in the heat. wth was she thinkin. or me for that matter to agree to this . just shoot me.

anyhow--
here is a very choppy spliced video i put together-- of a few soul moments.. fishin. or attempting to :))

happy friday!!!!!

crap i gotta fix it-- :((

utube is bein a bitch and i gotta go-- come back latah-- :)) sorry

well, i'm finally back-- from hell- hour. ugh. it was actually longer than that, but that's about how long i was forced to spend with four kids-- mine, and three boys. the boys were fine. polite, and and actually drown out by the blasting stereo-- soulkids tool she uses to keep me from embarrassing her by speaking. i promise that little trick-- on top of here downright rudeness towards me.. is gonna backfire, in a very abrupt, and not so kind way one of these days. i am soooo done with that crap.

anyhow--- here is the video-- finally.

pop tarts give me heartburn

howdy folks---

:))

yep-- i am-- i'm losin my mind peeps. but that's alright i'll find it somewhere-- eventually.

i've been like this for a week though-
and it doesn't seem to be changing.

i was laid out for two days after the last PT session.
i had the worst headache of my entire life.
and i tell ya- i have had ALOT of headaches in my life.
and alot of them i have said were the worst.
but this was really the WORST.
i trembled in pain. i writhed in pain.
and i puked from the pain.
if not for hubby i am certain i would have laid there for days,
until i got the nerve to call someone for help-
prolly 911-- seein as i don't know anyone here.
it was really really bad, and i thanked hubby,
and GOD, that i had hubby to help me.
i was in bed for hours like that until he came home from work.
he immediately called the pharmacy for medicine, that i didn't have,
and they got it ready right away-- which is usually unheard of.
it was just pure hell.
i hadn't felt so hell-pless in a very long time.
and i did not like it.

yesterday i called physical therapy, and canceled the rest of my sessions.
i just can't risk feelin that bad again. they really did work me too hard for only the second time.
besides that-- three days a week? i don't even feel good three days a week. what the hell was i thinkin??? how the hell am i sposed to drive half an hour -- do that shit for an hour, and drive half an hour back-- and still expect to DO a damn thing, or feel half way decent/??
what a dumb ass. ugh. so yep-- that's over with.

hmmm.. what else?
oh-- bad chicken--
yep--



ate me some "little too old" chicken last night. :((
and paid the price this mornin.
not fun.
just so ya know.
gotta cut back on my guesstimate of how long to keep chicken in the fridge.
dammit.
good thing i was the only one who didn't get fast food last night.
figures doesn't it?


welp-- i have to go run errands , and get ready for this vacation thing.
before it changes AGAIN.
seems that pensacola isn't gonna happen.
again.
we've gone from
chorpus christi
to south padre
to p-cola
to lake amistad
to pensacola
NOW
lake amistad
AGAIN
would somebody make up our mind?

hope you all have happy days today
i shall cruise around when i return.

oh-- for your viewing pleasure--
martha stewart -- on crack :))