speechless satahday

two days straight of hours of
THIS:

brings me to
THIS:

but, i will be visiting y'all
TODAY---

happy weekends to all of you--

ever seen a 8600.00 smile???

NOW ya have :))

soulkids' first photo of her release from
"braces jail"
WOO HOO !!

Isn't she sweet?
i'm not sure which of us is happier ..
i think it's a tie !

no one has seen those teeth in over five years...
aaaahhhhhhhhhhh.......

now i need to hunt down her third grade school picture....

that oughtta be worth a few thousand in payback.. dontchya think
BWAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHA

ANYHOW-- I GOTTA GET THIS PARTY STARTED OVAH HEAH...

hope y'all have happy fridays in your worlds today
i'm workin on it...
considering.

where does the time go

hi everybody--


(during my - posted - proofread - i noticed a few typos- double words-- i don't know why i do that sometimes..write a word twice, back to back.. but i'm not huntin through here to fix it, i think y'all can figure it out, but sorry bout that. i do know how to write-- just not at 4 a.m. maybe?)
ok.. back to your regularly programmed post-- :)) )---


thanks for keepin up with me.. you know, i'm behind again. i tried my hardest to keep ya updated on the trip with jamie, and the happenins there.. but of course my replies and cruisin around is a few days behind again. i hate it when that happens.
doesn't mean i don't want to hit everyones pages two or three times a day again.. just means i can't quite get there lately. in a way , it's a good thing. it sorta means, i have a lot of peeps.. and .. a bit of a life.. these days.. that's good right? but on the other hand... i feel bad, cuz i really do like to touch base base with each of you personally. i don't like to miss anyone for any reason. and i know so many of you aren't used to me doin that. so i am sorry.
but i think.. or at least hope ya understand, things are changin, and happenin, out here. it seems, that if it aint one thing, it's another. and unfortunately, the blog thing, is the one thing that seems to be the thing that gets pushed to the side the easiest. not that i "like that"

which reminds me... i thought today was gonna be my "free day".. NOT. aside from a damn dr appointment i was gonna have to make -- due to the dr i saw yesterday being FAR FROM USELESS.

today, i had planned on basically sitting home on my ass.. paying bills, recovering.. and catching up with everyone. seein as traveling really does kick my ass.. and the fact that sleeping well lately hasn't been much of a success for the past several days has me feeling pretty run down.
BUT NOOOOO. will it work that way? oh hell no. a couple months ago, i had hired a lady to come in every two weeks to do my "strenuous-too physical -for me- cleaning/scrubbing type stuff." and guess when she is due to come... yup, you guessed it-- today! what time is she due? 8 a.m. SHIT. (i forgot too ) and of course, most of you know, i am the type of person who "cleans, before the maid comes".
all she does, is the high stuff that i can't stretch for, and she scrubs the showers, toilets, and floors. stuff i can't get on my knees and stretch forward for. my back just can't take that shit. she usually does a good job. but the last few times, i had noticed her work slacking, even tho i have been paying her extra cuz we have a big house, and she doesn't charge very much. so, i meant to call and "fire her".. but the trip to visit jamie-- kinda threw me off, and made me senile-- and i forgot to call... oops. so now she's coming today. and i have to clean before she comes. i don't have it in me.
i already canceled her the passed two weeks. she usually comes every two weeks. she doesn't even do dishes or laundry-- and those are the things i hate to do the most. why have her. right?
hmmm... so. i'm sittin here thinkin... i'm flippin tired. i don't feel like doin a damn thing but doin the smoke and choke until i can't breathe or float away-- whichever comes first first. and after that-- tryin to get to the doctor--- to find out why my side feels like i have a sword .. and a friggin grapefruit in it.
i do believe that i am in a pretty crabby ass mood at the moment.
it seems that not much is in my favor right now.
should i go buy a scratch off ticket? lol.
oh ya right.
i don't even wanna get up to go re-fill my coffee ! like i'm gonna go to the store. but yes, you know i will go get coffee. i must have coffee.
perhaps i will have an epiphany to all these problems as i pour my lifeline into my gullet.?
hmm, nuthin so far, but i only poured it into my cup so far. :))

alrightee then.

i guess i will go for now, and try to catch up on what i can, while still sittin on my buttocks. i spent money like had it on the road trip. :)). now i need to find out if i did any damage. i think i'm still ok.. that's what the fantastic plastic plastic is for right? no? oh shit. :)) oh well. it was worth it. maybe i'll go to vegas! hahahahahaha. not really.

i don't know. i do need to see if i can get a hold of my cleaning ladies' interpreter ..LOL.. before it's too later , for HER, to get a hold of the cleaning lady-- to tell HER.. NOT to come today. before it's too late. i just need to decide if i really don't want her to EVER come back.. or if i just want to postpone her another week or two. i actually did fairly well this last couple weeks i put her off... cept for the stuff i actually hired her for-- like the scrubbing, and reaching. dammit.
i hate physical limitations. i really do. but i also hate "schedules". this always seems to sneak up on me. i wish she would call me a day or two in advance instead of showin up at the door when i sometimes don't expect her. (my senile ya know.) i usually forget til the day before--or once-- i totally forgot til she showed up at the door-- that really sucked! i was sooo NOT ready that day.
at least, if she did "just show up today, she could actually work.. i just wouldn't want her to. laundry on the couch.... "clean" phew.. dishes on the counter.. soulkids cpu desk is of course a disaster.. you get the idea-- more clutter than crap-- but still. time is money.

ok.. i'm outta heah.

eventually, life will smooth out , and i will get back on track. i'm really not ignoring anyone-- just trying to get back where i belong.

i still love ya , :))

we're NOT in kansas anymore

OMG, i am sooo freakin tired i could cry. well, bein tired doesn't make me want to cry it makes me want to sleep (but i can't--yet; not until after a dr. appointment at 2:45, which i have to leave around 2-ish ) but anyhow, the pain i feel does make me want to cry-- but i won't do that.
and the bein a crybaby makes me wanna cry too--- the time that jamie and i had together was just NOT enough. we didn't expect much more than what we ended up with. the original plan was to leave wichita around six a.m. anyhow. we ended up leaving at 4 a.m instead, because she had a meeting to get to. it was ok. it was important that she be there--- for all concerned. but we weren't thrilled about losing the time we had planned on having in the morning.
anyhow--- enough of that.

i mentioned maybe taking some pix last night. welp -- that never happened. in fact, i think even when i mentioned it on my blog-- we both already knew, NO one, was privy to that visual. ugh. it was a very long day for both of us..add flannel jammies, pain, wanting to go to sleep, but trying to stay awake, knowing we were going to be awake at 3-- if not sooner , yet still wanting to squeeze as much talk and laughing into the short time we had--(y'all know our sleeping habits) -- hell, you'd think we were related. but anyhow-- let's just say it like it is-- we looked like shit. so we didn't take any pics. and as for this morning.. there was no need to bother primping, as all we were gonna do would be to chainsmoke in a small area for 6 hours, and get tired and sore in the process, only to arrive home needed to be re-primped anyhow-- to appear at our appointments looking and smelling presentable. so.. to put it lightly-- we only looked a little bit less- shitty in the morning. so-- still no pics. so,

THIS:
is the best i can do -

:))

ummmmmm.... what else? hmmm. oh... the only pic that i did take while we were out there was one in Towanda -- THIS one :

it may look like a ambiguous building to you... but it is actually a tornado shelter. when me and the soul clan lived there (in that trailer park that you can't really see-- because there is only about twelve of maybe 112 left there. ) .. it was also used as soulkids "daisy scout" troop meeting room, AND a tornado shelter -- that we once had to RUN with soulman carrying her .. during a tornado. a whole bunch of other people went in there too. there were fences, storage sheds, vent pipes from mobile home roofs..all kindsa crap all over the place after the storm was over and everyone came out. we were glad to have the shelter lemmee tell ya. so... that's the one and only photo of this trip to ks from me... well IN ks.
i'm pretty sure jamie has one she might put up-- you'll have ta ask her about that.

now... as for photos elsewhere on the trip? i almost forgot about one.. ok 2...
y'all know about my "thing" with the 333, right? and how several of you, many , more than once, have suggested i play lotto with those numbers, or that number or whatever. right?
well... i stopped in oklahoma --- somewhere -- at a LOVE's .. to pee... cuz i had just finished about a gallon and a half of coffee. as i was paying for a bottle of water .. cuz i was done with coffee, but constantly thirsty... i noticed in the glass cabinet , they had scratch off tickets. normally, i might.. maybe... possibly... may... buy two? three? scratch off tickets in a YEAR. possibly, IF any at all, maybe-- 1 lotto ticket in a YEAR. just not big on the lotto. not a lucky gal ovah heah. BUT... i was lookin at the different "games" they had on these scratch offs, cuz the lady was busy doin somethin and was slow gettin to me... anyhow.. what did i notice on one of them??? 3's ! well holy crap-- you know what went through my head don't you? not only y'alls suggestions that i should play 3's on lotto, but also that i not only seen 333 a few times just on the ks trip, but just this morning shortly after we got up... and i said.. hey jamie, it's 333... and she had noticed too, just didn't say anything. so... what did i do?

first, i did
THIS:

and then???
i did
THIS:



can y'all believe that? c'mon.
i was thinkin it would be funny if i won 3 dollars..
to make it 333.
i won THIRTY ! WOO HOO.
that was pretty cool.
not gonna make a gambler outta me..
but i just may go for the big money next time.. power ball or somethin
or maybe i'll swicth my roulette 13 to a 3.

so anyhow... after i got back in the car with my cash.
i saw my next photo op.
i didn't think a whole lot of this one --
until i got home and read my comments.
at the time.. i thought it would just be a moment to remember.
but when i read JLEE'S comment below..
and she mentioned brad pitt, and thelma and louise -
well i couldn't resist, but to share
THIS shot with y'all.
mainly because , jamie and i have been known to
refer to ourselves as thelma and louise a time or two.
we just haven't quite figured out which one's which yet.

anyhow , as for the brad pitt drifter? ...
he's more of a

"asshat trucker"


OH HELL!
i mean
Bassett trucker !
:))

okay guys... i'll get a bit more serious here before i go.

jamie and i met in person for the first time last fall. ('07)
aLOT of you remember that i think.
and some of you were still in diapers. i mean not even around yet. :))


so anyhow --- for those who haven't seen it yet -- here is the first pic of jamie and i , from our first in person meeting.

coming to you from the land of oz

howdy folks--

we're here--

simonsays and i got here--to wichita - at almost the same time this afternoon. i checked into the room and went back to the car to get my things, and then i hear-- "you look like someone i know" (from behind me) and there was Jamie. :)) so.. we came up and put our crap away, and talked for a while and recovered from the drive. then we went to eat. well, we went to K Mart first-- for a couple things, then went to eat. we went to red lobster. good stuff there . we sat for maybe a couple hours there talkin and eatin, and of course smokin like a couple trains.. on fire. :))

the hostess there was a crack - up. ( she was about 60 years old.) we saw a no smoking sign when we walked in, and were like -- oh no, we can't not smoke. so we double checked-- i asked the hostess.. can we smoke here? she says.. (like she's doing something wrong, and almost in a sneaky whisper... ) "do ya want to?? " i whisper back to her "ya" .. she says - whispering, again "come with me".. we follow, as she slowly leads the way to a room in the far back of the restaurant. she grins a sly grin and points out that not only do we have an ashtray-- we also have a booth-- and a window. well i'll be damned. we did, and we were thrilled. we were also now "miss ladies" -- as per our waitress when she arrived. "miss lady" hmmm. okaaaay.

after we were done there, we were trying to figure out what to do next--- i used to live here years ago, but i couldn't remember anything about the town or what there is to do here. soooo... jamie suggested we go roller skating ! i was all for it-- until we realized that one or both of us would end up falling and get injured. and y'all know us-- it wouldn't take much for one of us to get hurt. and that wouldn't be good. so we decided against that idea, as funny as it would be, and cursed the fact that aging really sucks ass.

about that time , we hobbled our aching selves still pLanless out of there realizing that There really isn't much to do when your married , out of town, and in your fourties ... but dammit, we were gonna have fun anyhow. cuz we're creative. and we are us. and we'll come up with somethin to do.

so, in the end, we cruised the entire city of wichita, AND the surrounding area as well. we even drove 22 miles out to a town called Towanda that i used to live in, just to see if it grew up any since we were here, about 8 years ago. well it hasn't.. it actually shrunk, and now has a population of approximately nine. we talked, we laughed, we teared up some.. ok, I did... we played with the GPS-- ok Jamie did.. we laughed at the "re-cal-cu-la-ting" of the GPS every time i would miss a turn, or decide on a different route-- although i missed more turns more often than i changed my mind. and ummm... that's what ya do when ya have twelve hours to visit with your best friend --- we're now obviously back at the room, have been for a while.. we're debating on taking some pics-- but it has been raining all damn day, and we have some pretty badly behaving hair. kinda bride of frankenstein meets drop dead fred -- ish.

well.. that's about it -- for now-- if we take pix we'll toss em on.

catchya later

happy humpday

hey y'all

today was busy for me,; sorry i didn't get back with some of you.
i am takin my laptop to wichita.. but not sure if i will have a chance to even boot it up--if not i will post about everything thursday.

hope all is well for y'all.

ore vois :))

hmmmm.. where to begin?
here i am at yet another horrible hour of the day again. i have already been up for an hour today. i was up at almost 1 am, too, but was able to get a little more sleep-- only to wake up again at about 330. wth?
the stupid dogs had some kind of mental attack at the same time last night at almost 1 am. i had only been asleep for about 2 hours by then. i don't think i was even fully asleep yet..or maybe i was just gettin there. regardless, it cost me about half an hour or more of sleep to get them taken care of. times like that i want to be animal-less.
well.. dogless.. the cats are a whole story in themselves. most of you know already about my stupid cats. which are not even mine... they are soulkids-- but she has almost zero responsibility with them. and they are most destructive when it comes to furniture, nik-naks- and any clothing that may find itself on the floor. UGH. several days a week i wonder to myself-- why do we STILL have these damn cats??? the answer is always the same. because soulkid loves them. and as much as i hate to admit it-- we love them too. little bitches. part of me hates them.. but not enough of me to "dispose of them" they really love us too. we are all they have ever known. they would be lost without us. and "spot" .. good Lord. ANY other human being would strangle that cat within the first twenty four hours of having her in their presence she is the most neurotic cat i have EVER laid eyes on. but when she is calm.. she is just the sweetest little cotton ball of a kitty you will ever see.

anyhow-- speaking of animals.. some of yall know that soulkid also has two mice? well.. make that ONE. yesterday, soulman decided he should check on their wellbeing. seein as soulkid just isn't the best pet mom in the world. she never has been. i don't mind taking care of cats and dogs-- and i or soulman usually do -- or if not-- we will ensure that she does... well.. when the mice came into the picture-- i made sure that it was KNOWN by all... that i would NEVER touch.. feed water, or clean up after a damn mouse ! turned out-- maybe i should have. but , soulman had taken on a bit of that role-- we both would remind her to feed , water or clean the cage.. and occasionally soulman would do that deed. anyhow-- yesterday .. soulkid was taking a nap after ortho-- he went in her room to check their water-- it was empty, so he brought the cage into the kitchen to fill the water bottle etc.... and there was poor "mouse #2"... deceased. he was the one with the most personality.. if thats possible.. and everyones favorite..if that's possible with a mouse. the other one is alive, but when he gave it water it drank like there was no tomorrow.
hard to say how little mouse #1 will do from here. he is prolly pretty sick. but may be alright if taken care of from here. but i don't know. i'm not no mouse person. she was pretty bummed out about it.. and guilty for sure. but reallly--we can't be positive it was lack of water-- because-- the other one was ok.. and she said they were both alive that morning. so who knows.

anyhow--
in other soul news


TOMORROW--- is the day that jamie/simonsays--and i will meet up in wichita ! woo hoo ! i cannot wait. it will be a very short visit-- but most have been. this will be our fourth visit together and the longest was when she and her hubby came out here-- but even then it was only a day. the other few have only been for a meal. wichita, and iowa. this one will be an overnight stay, but we both have places at our homes that we need to be in the afternoon on thursday so will be leavin at the crack of black on thursday morning. kinda sucks , but it's better than nuthin.
(wichita is our half way point- about 6 hours or so, and this time we won't be needing chauffeurs.. ie- hubbys. due to our levels of pain). not that we don't have pain.. we are just more willing to deal with it-- . we will most likely be in pain and exhausted when we arrive there-- but we will manage to get some photos and maybe dual blog for y'all IF we are computer saavy enough to figure out how to get online at the hotel--if they have internet. :))

other than that-- today i will be buried in errands, and soulkid appointments, and trying to get the soulcrib ready for my absence. such as cleaned up-and stocked with at least a bit of food.
then of course the never ending bills to pay.
seems i can never leave this place for any length of time without feeling like i'm leaving for a month. i always need to make sure everything is ready for them to be ok. ya know.
just one of my quirks. it's nice to feel important on occasion i reckon. :))

anyhow-- that's about it.

i'll be cruisin around later-- sporadically of course-- seems to be the best i can do lately-- sorry bout that.. i'm tryin. :))

happy tuesday peoples!

mindless monday mumbles

hiya folks...
i know i'm late today-- but as they say-- bettah late than nevah..

anyhow--- i haven't made my rounds today so i don't really have a clue what's goin on out there right now. but i shall be hittin a few pages in a bit..and hopefully finishing up before bed tonight.

not much happenin around soulland today...

soulman didn't have to work so we went fishin earlier-- we both caught one fish each-- might have done a little better but we didn't stay long, only about an hour or so.
we didn't get a pic of soulmans' but do ya wanna see mine? :))
nobody has requested a name for this one... so if ya wanna claim him .. he's yours-- first come first served-- i already have a couple ideas for a couple peeps-- so if your one of them.. it oughtta be easy to name him.. if not-- i will just have to get creative... :))
so anyways-- here he is--

(click to enlarge)

after that we went to chipotle for lunch-- to go-- and OMG-- i ate the whole damn thing. have y'all ever had-- or seen a chipotle burrito?? it is rare that i get through half of one.. but i ate all of it today-- the damn thing has to be two pounds of food. ugh. i knew i was done for soon as the last bite hit my belly. i told soulman.. i'll be asleep within the hour-- and i was. :((

which meant-- nuthin else on my to do list got touched--- except takin soulkid to ortho--- i got her from school at 245-- like ten minutes after i woke up from my nap :(
turns out, she will be released from braces jail tomorrow! woo hoo! no more worryin about the damned rubber bands .. yippee. now i just have to remind her to wear the damn retainer. the bottom will be "attached".. glued or bolted-- i don't know-- but they can't do that with the top-- lord i wish they could-- cuz i know it will be hell. they said-- if she had trouble with the bands-- she'll have trouble with the retainer. hopefully not-- i said i'll bolt the thing in myself!
i had to sign a "non-compliance letter today due to her not wearing the bands-- she has benefited as much as she ever will at this point without wearing the bands like she is sposed to... so i just told them to take em off! then they gave me this "letter" to sign.. ugh.
but what a relief.. for all of us.

so anyhow-- we just got home from there a little bit ago-- now we are tryin to figure out what to do for dinner-- i have pork chops out-- but it seems no one wants em.. and i don't much feel like cookin em.. sooo-- we shall see. personally i just wanna put my jammies on and stay where i'm at-- and have them go bring somethin home... and maybe watch a movie. we have sweeney todd, and the waterhorse--- they've been sittin here for days and we haven't watched either of them. both are sposed to be good. i will let ya know, if we get around to watchin one.

welp-- that's about it on my end-- catch ya on yours in a while--

LOOK, BAITFISH

ok.. the last one was promised to coffee bean..
this one was reserved for jamie--
SO -
here he is---
i bring you ...
dum dum dum ..

"COCO"

i think i lost my mojo guys, the big ones are avoiding me, or i just plain forgot how to catch em.
the babies are cute... but hey.. where the hell is Walter? :))

anyhow-- i hope you all are having good days.. i am full and tired now, and goin back ta bed.
this 3 a.m crap is for the birds. or roosters, or fish or somethin. but it sure aint for me.

i'll be back later.

zero dark three thirty three

Damn. I feel like hell.

Like me, and everything else got hit by a train. wth??

i hurt all over. i don't know what's up with that. runnin to fast to catch up maybe, and just not seeming to stay that way i guess. it seems one day i will be right where i want to be, with just one or two more things to do... and BOOM, i'm right back where i started. and i'll be damned if i know how i got there.

oh well. such is life.

i'm not complaining.. so much. really. just observing. so it's alright. it won't take much to get back on track. i hope. in all actuality, it usually doesn't anyhow. it depends my frame of mind i guess. how i take things, or what i do with what's goin on at the time. whether i decide to do anything about it, or wallow for a while. and we all know , i wallow sometimes .

usually times that the physical becomes emotional, or the emotional becomes physical. or whatever. maybe how much good comes with the bad-- or bad with the good -- you get the idea.

well , i think i am at one of those points in my life that i am just kinda standing where i see everything around me, and i think for once it may be pretty clear. by that, i mean that usually , my perception is pretty clouded in comparison to others around me. this time i'm thinkin, maybe , not so much.

this time i think i have a pretty good grasp on the real situation of what's goin on in my life. and, i think, i'm not too thrilled with what i see.

could i be off again? sure. definitely i could be. it's part of how my mind works. it's part of how i get myself in trouble a lot of times. it's a big part of why "i don't do people". why i don't sleep right. why i do or don't do a lot of things the way i should, or the way the majority of other folks do. it's all about perception. mine , vs. most. but that's the way it is, and that's the way it has been most of my life.

apparently i'm not making too much sense here. at least it doesn't feel much like it right now. maybe i'll get there, maybe i won't. who knows. who ever knows with me. i know i'm one who doesn't very often-- and this is my damned blog. i can only imagine what it would be like to be a reader.

several of you came along after i had either deleted a major portion of this blog-- or at least made it more difficult to go very far back into it. i did that because, i felt that i had too much of myself laid out here for just anyone to see. too much of my heart here to just look at , analyze, judge, and , leave. ya know.? or maybe to study. or at worse pity.

God knows i don't want anyones pity. or judgment. or hell,worry, for that matter.
i feel when i get to the point that my posts will evoke nothing but one or all of those from someone, i just can't hardly bring myself to even write hardly anything on here. then from there even cruising or commenting becomes a problem for me. then before i know it, i've disappeared for a while. by the time that happens, half of you have gotten busy with other things-- or have grown tired of my whining or neglect. and soulland is all but stagnant waters.

it's a strange place to be this blogland of ours. dontcha think?
people come and people go. our blog rolls grow and shrink on a sometimes monthly basis.
our real lives sometimes go from mundane and slow--- to faster than we can keep up with.
our family lives go from so happy we can't stand it-- to so miserable we can't write about it.
we sometimes get so brutally honest on here that we wish we could snatch every type written word right back from cyberspace-- but it's already been read, already been seen by our peeps, and some people we don't even "know".

then again, we have held back so much at times that our closest blog friends who sometimes care more about us than our own in - life peeps who would have said or done anything in the world for us didn't even know what was happening. yet we stayed silent, and somehow still find a way to feel bad about "feeling lonely with whatever it is we were dealing with". is it human? or is it stupid? or.. is it me?

so anyways, what the hell?

people come, people go. people speak , people don't. we elaborate to make ourselves more exciting sometimes. or we downplay to make ourselves ok, when we aren't. we speak when we shouldn't. we're silent, when we should scream .
we crawl under a rock when we should flap our arms and draw attention to ourselves.
cry for attention and overreact when we should just keep our mouths shut.

we watch our friends go through troubles and not know what to say so say nothing...
or they go through troubles, and would never make it through without the amazing things that we somehow with no explanation, think of saying at the exact moment they need it. or the prayers that we say for them in combination, become hundreds, only to become miracles in their lives.

sometimes i feel like i'm in kindergarten in this blog world. it really is the only world i know with "people in it". i have some very strong feelings for many of you. i know two of you face to face. three of course counting smocha. it seems so hard to even think of her as a blogger . strange. she's my sis ya know. but ya. anyhow. aside from y'all.. my world of human interaction is extremely limited. yet my world of human compassion is not superficial. just in case you haven't noticed.

i don't do people well, i don't do relationships well. i don't "juggle" several close relationships very well at the same time. i get very close to someone, and will often back off very quickly if i begin to feel vulnerable. if the other someone, doesn't confront me on it... i will oftentimes continue my retreat into my safety zone.

correct me if i'm wrong--- but i feel like this last go round with the med issues-- i crawled back into my little cave, and i found i found a safe distance form many of you that i was feeling quite close with. much of this had to do with the fact that only days before i went in for my "procedure".. i found out that my daughters' ex girl scout leader-- a mother of her friend of 6 years-- who i was once fairly close with.. but not for several years-- but i will admit-- i had quite the internal struggle with over calling, checking in on, etc-- which hasn't stopped, because i still haven't so much as emailed this woman... but anyhow-- she had a cancerous tumor removed from her stomach just days before i went in for my upper gi test. i was afraid to reach out to a woman i have "known" for nearly half my childs life-- one of the only people who i have trusted with my daughter for more than an overnight stay.. a woman whos daughter i treated like my own... when she was THAT ill-- and may still be.//// it was that much easier-- to back away from y'all. and i did.

not only that-- i backed away from my own family as well. how can a person be as "not well" as i was feeling. not know why.. find out someone had cancer-- and not think it possible for themself??? i did. i will admit, i still feel it's a possibility. i am not healthy. i know that much. i haven't been "healthy" for years. i feel i am doing better now. and maybe i am. i have gained like 8 pounds over the last three months. some people think that's good.. my "weight issue mind" thinks, not really. but maybe it's ok. i was lookin pretty puny . and for now, my clothes still fit.. so ya, maybe it's ok.
i also noticed, in the pic in a lower post-- my bday post-- soulkid "airbrushed out my black bags under my eyes! and it is sooo obvious. it kinda made me feel .. i don't know if "bad" is the word.. but i asked her about it-- she said she was sorry and it wasn't cuz she thought i was ugly-- but anyhow-- ya-- i am not the picture of health, and it was weird that she would do that.

so.. i have NO idea where i am trying to go with this post AT ALL. or what i'm trying to say. i kinda do-- but i just don;t think it's gettin there. i guess i maybe changed my mind along the way about letting too much out here. (this time). i think there are some things about me that a lot of you newer folks should know-- IF you haven't figured it out already. that maybe could help you understand me a little better. why i am so "wishy washy " sometimes. why i am "flaky" sometimes if that's what ya want to call it.

i just want you to know that if i seem a little "off" sometimes.. or quiet, or even angry some days for what may seem to be for "no obvious reason"... maybe there is a reason... (for me).
and maybe one day.. i'll feel a little more willing to re-open a few pages of "Soulmange".
or-- just maybe you'll have to buy the book one day. it's in me somewhere.

i think i shall get my fishin stuff ready... today is a good day to fish....

(remember the indian saying? "today is a good day to die?... well i think it should say FISH!)

surely y'all didn't think i could make it a week without incident--didya?

well... i obviously didn't----

well.. maybe I did.. but poor sushi didn't... cuz she is HER afterall :))

SEE THIS?

well that is my poor sushis' side....
it is a BITE --
from her supposed to be FRIEND-----

who would be
HER :

YUP eevee -
our fairly new soul - addition.
we had concerns , but didn't think this would really happen.

anyhow, they scrapped last night apparently....
we are headed to the vet now.
no way was i gonna pay an emergency visit late last night.

so--- i'm off--

have happpy days in your worlds today

i will...
(i hope )

maybe i can squeeze some fishin time in.. that's what i'm hopin for -
but first i must decide --
do i want groceries...?
or do i want to fish?
cuz both wipe me out-
and i can't have both in one day...
so, i'll get back to ya later on the outcome of my day-

holy crap - i'm all caught up !

it's a miracle !
well, a miracle that i am caught up with Y'all.. but no surprise at all that i should have been long gone about my errands and grocery shopping by now. :)) but that's ok. once i finish this post- i shall hit the door runnin.
i don't have a lot to say anyhow-- just some random stuff i wanted to show ya....

like ....

THIS:

HMMMM..
what could be in there?

perhaps :

strawberries!!!
yum!
yup, i actually made a pie the other day.
and it was oh sooo good.
no baking required. :))

ALSO :
we have
THESE :
my favorite shoe in the whole wide world -
slip on VANS !
and yes, SMOCHA, they are cute !

soulman laughed and said
"only YOU could pull off wearing those shoes"
yep, i think so-
i believe i keep VANS in business these days :))

NOW -
let's see the old lady day goodies ...
i mean birthday presents :))

HERE, we have
the digital photo frame
and SUSHI
(from the soul-fam)

NEXT?
would be the snowbabies
(from smocha)

and HERE we have
some very nice flowers
a complete and total surprise
(from jamie/simonsays)

and NOW if only i could take a pic of my butt --
i would show you ME
runnin my late self out the door !

HAPPY FRIDAY!!

i really meant to get a decent post up today - but

i obviously didn't get there.

i was extremely busy most of the day.
then hubby got home from work -- and we decided to go fishin. we were gonna go to the pond where we usually go when we don't take the boat.. but we ended up at the creek. we haven't fished there in so long. it's been a couple months since i've even driven by there. we were just gonna drive through and have a look to see how it was doin, but it looked so good we figured we fish. it has to be close to a year since i fished there, but i don't even remember, but it's been since the big flood, whenever that was.

but anyhow, i got a fish on my first or second cast. :)) - on none other than a "coffee tube bait "
and the first thing i thought was that i had told Jyankee a while back that i would name my next fish after coffee bean for congratulations on her starting "big girl school" .

so in honor of The Coffee Bean,
i bring you

(he looks bigger if ya click on him)

"Joe Bean"

awww c'mon, cut me some slack, i haven't named a fish in a looong time. i'll be fishin more soon.

i'm almost caught up on my life--- now once i get caught up with y'all.. i'll be a fishin fool again.

happy night y'all

hopefully i'll be able to hit a few blogs before bed and the rest in the morning.

see ya then...

just poppin in to say howdy (w/video -n-pic)

and also to say THANKS for all the birthday wishes !
it was a good day today. busy, but good.
we went about our days, and after everyone got home and chilled a while, we went out for dinner.
soulkid was happy, and very talkative.

HERE"S THE VIDEO (she only was singin the rappy faster part;
the first verse-edited, of course)






she even tried to teach me and soulman a song.
a hip - hop song of all things. :))
i had fun with it.. but soulman was too cool to sing along.
we didn't sing very loud of course, nor did we sing very long .. due to my senile .
she had to go with about four words at a time,
and it got a little tough.
but , it was fun , and it made all of us laugh.
she sang the song about five times all the way through .
she made my day today.
i love it when she's in a good mood :))

she knows how much i love pictures, and she brought her camera
to dinner, and OFFERED to take our picture !
(she refused to let soulman take it- she wanted to do it herself-
that's why half her face is missing :))

as for gifts -?
she and soulman got me a digital photo frame.
i love it- but i haven't seen how it works yet.
too busy today, but soulman is workin on it now.

my sis sent two snowbabies - i collect them.
one is only like 1 1/2 inches tall,
and the cutest thing ever ! (with my birthstone in the middle)


and jamie sent flowers. :))
really pretty spring lookin flowers.
they smell real nice too.

i didn't expect anything at all from anybody-
i usually don't cuz it's rare i get more than a card and dinner out.
so ya... this was a special birthday for me.
and the extra greetings and friends i have this year
that i didn't even know last year this time...
makes tonight a lot less depressing than last night when i thought about
today.
my birthday has never bothered me before-- ever.
til this one.
but it's all good.

i hope you all had good days in your worlds...
:))

I'LL BE BACK, AND LURKING.

take a guess where i am goin ---

yep -
i'm takin my bad attitude out for an adjustment -

and the way things have been goin lately --
there's just no tellin how it will go.

all i know at this point is that it's 40-somethin degrees,
so i will be donning the ole "oompa loompa suit " :))
i'm sure it's like 35 on the water.

it's sposed to get around 70-ish this afternoon, so hopefully i won't be a cold crab-apple all day.

catchya when i get back this afternoon.

happy monday to all of you

Summah made me do it (sunday pt 2)

skewered again!

1. Do you like blue cheese? Hells ya !

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Nope- but, Call me stupid—but I didn’t know ppl smoked it!

3. Do you own a gun? Hubby has a couple.

4. What flavor do you add to your drink? Sometimes mango to unsweet tea.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Sometimes.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Depends on what they’re made out of.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? Not sure. I’m not too christmasee

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? LOTSA coffee (black)

9. Can you do push ups? I doubt it—haven’t tried in a LONG time.

10. Are you thinking about someone right now? Yes—a few someones actually.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My wedding ring

12. Favorite hobbies? Bass fishing, writing, blogging

13. Phrase you use most often? Can’t have nuthin!

14. Do you have A.D.D.? I’m beginning to think so

15. What's one trait you hate about yourself? Only one? Inconsistency perhaps.

16. Middle name? for almost 16 years , it’s my maiden name—mckinnon

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: I wonder if we will fish today? Will this damn headache EVER freakin end? Have I hit a midlife crisis – or am I ruined for life?

18. Name 4 things you bought yesterday? I didn’t leave my house. Damn I’m cheap. So why am I so broke?

19. Next vacation? Maybe jamieland!

20. Current worry? Will summer school prevent my “vacation” to jamieland”?

21. Current hate right now? I hate feelin like crap all the time.

22. Favorite place to be? Fishin. (although.. it has become a rare thing for me lately) :((

23. How did you bring in the New Year? Same way as I have since soulkid was born.. home, watched the ball drop—toasted sparkling cider—and kissed soulman.

24. What’d you get for your birthday? So far—something unkown/unopened from my sis in the mail…my baday is still a couple days away yet

25. Name three people who will complete this? Hmm.. smocha, desert diva, foster/jess

26. Do you own slippers? YUP—I’m old and have cold feet.

27. What shirt are you wearing? Burgundy t-shirt that I slept in.

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Hell no.

29. Can you whistle? Not very well. I’d almost even say no, but I can get by.

30. Favorite colors? Dark blue, black, perhaps khaki ?

31. Would you be a pirate? Oh ya—bad teeth.. no bills.. sailing… let’s roll!

32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I’m not sure that I do.

33. Favorite girl's name? Danielle, and skye

34. Favorite boy's name? caleb and Jacob

35. What's in your pocket right now? lint

36. Last thing that made you laugh? Golden girls—on friday

37. Best bed sheets as a child? Hell if I know—I was prolly lucky if I HAD sheets!

38. Worst injury you've ever had? Prolly some facial cuts and a back injury in a car wreck. (which most likely led to fybromialgia)

39. Do you love where you live? I guess so. Not enough to buy it. but I like the area. This is home to us. Someday we will find our dream home here.

40. How many tvs do you have in your house? 4

41. Who is the loudest friend you have? I gottta go with my sis here. Not always – but sometimes. ( but y’all gotta realize—I don’t know many peeps in “real life”

42. How many dogs do you have?? 2.

43. Does someone have a crush on you? Only if I don’t know about it.

44. What is your favorite book? Hinds feet on high places.

45. What is your favorite candy? Peanut butter M-N-M’S!

46. Favorite Sports Team? Hmmm.. not a team.. but UFC

47. What song do you want played at your funeral? I’ve never thought about it.

48.What were you doing 12 AM last night? Trying to go to sleep

49. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Dammit!

odor update

not a lot to say this morning-- except that we finally made it up into the attic yesterday to investigate "the mysterious odor".

it was quite difficult a task, as the odor had now dissipated. i crawled through the entire attic, half bent over, and sometimes on my knees.. in maybe 90 degree temps up there. it was extremely hot, and painful. obviously. but i was on a mission, and was not about to give up, until i found what i was looking for. which i eventually did. at least i'm 90 percent sure i did.

of course not until after i had covered the entire attic. cut my shin, had the itchies from the fiberglass insulation, became dizzy from the heat, sweating, and claustrophobia, and was highly irritated from all of the above.

but then it happened.. i looked under the a/c unit.. and there it-- or they were.. one large-- sort of-- and two very small.. "areas" "spots".. whatever -- that looked quite a lot like .. well.. my best description would be molded cat vomit. yep. that's the best i can do. and no i didn't take pix.. at charlottes request. :)) i was tempted but really, by that time, i was just glad to have found it..and so very ready to get get the hell out of there. i laid more poison, and got down. satisfied the job was done.

i am hoping there are no more up there-- but i think that is doubtful at this point, but we will see. and i will let ya know.

so anyhow-- if anything happens worth sharing today i will let ya know.

happy sunday--

flyin by the seat of my pants here

what a morning.. yes already. sorry -- wanna lay some bets on the table which will come first? -- me taking blog leave -- or y'all takin soul leave?i don't even know where or how to start this post. i am a cranky ass mood today. i woke up that way. extremely too early. big surprise there huh? ya i know. but i was really hoping to sleep in. i even took an extra sleeping pill, for that extra push for peaceful slumber -- which never came. well, beyond three or four hours anyhow. i can't remember . i either woke up at 3 or 4. but depending - i went to sleep around midnight.

i did manage to fall asleep again in my chair after a while - for a little while -- but not before i was already ruined.. and of course, even after the early morning nap-- still managed to wake up for the second time, still crabby.

i just wonder sometimes --

how the hell... do i go from

THIS:

to
THIS:




in such a short amount of time.

i've really been pushing myself around the house .. and out too actually, for the passed couple of days. this entire house has gone to hell -- and fast. ok maybe not so fast. but really it seemed fast. it was like i came out of the hospital the other day and looked around -- thoroughly disgusted. even though i had picked up here and there over the passed couple weeks.. it still managed to look just simply ghetto . for real. every damn dish was dirty and stacked around the the kitchen.. not even neatly-- just randomly. i had so much damned laundry i thought i would frickin die. it was everywhere. the washer and dryer ran all evening thursday night. for like three hours-- and CONSTANTLY yesterday. both machines... from fricken.. i don't even know 6 or 7 am.. til 6 or 8 pm.. and i am NOT exaggerating. the last blanket went in the dryer this morning. i lost count after load 7 !!! (BUT , the good news there? ALL is folded and put away! 9 times out of ten it ends up stacked in the living room unfolded and wrinkling waiting for it's rightful owner--yet stays there for days to only be filled with cat hair to be RE-WASHED!).

NOT THIS time.. bwa hahahaha

(BUT-- i am still awaiting the NEXT five loads of laundry to come out of soulkids room.. even thou i looked in there yesterday-- i didn't dare check the closet or under the bed .. there's no tellin what evil lurks in those places!)

my dishes are clean.. with very few dirty from yesterday to wash-- but the clean big ones are still stacked around ,and the dishwasher overloaded waiting to be put away.

i managed to half decorate my bedroom .. but really didn't have as much for the walls in there as i thought-- so it's not worth bragging about yet. so no pix for you yet. hubby didn't notice a thing-- or, if he did-- he didn't say anything. oh well.
anyhoo- if i get further there-- i'll throw a pic or two up today.

in my search for my bedroom nick naks etc.. guess what i found? my mom in laws LONG lost Christmas present !! i got a nice chuckle , and sigh of relief out of that. i have been looking all over for that since the move! boy will she be surprised. haha.

i also sorted through a mountain.. literally-- a small hill.. that had sat on my COUCH.. for days-- of papers, and crap-- bills etc.. FINALLY.. so now my LR-- looks like a Living room again. (rather than a landfill) -and my bills are in enough order to actually pay.
speaking of which.. i still haven't paid my damn vehicles or rent.
i think i may need to take a pill for that-- but i don't think there's a pill out there that i don't already take.. unless you count aspirin ! :((

*** note to CHARLOTTE-- i USED to be great at bills and banks online-- almost to that hobby extent too-- i found it fun and entertaining and a productive way to pass the time-- now it's a pain in my ass and only confuses me.. IF i manage to do it. i have no idea why it has become a problem.. it just has.

my mood has obviously gone to shit peeps and i am so sorry for that--- but obviously at this moment in time it can't be helped.
BUT if you know me at all-- THAT is always subject to change-- at any given moment. strange but true. could be this afternoon.. could be this time next month. we nevah know with me. cuz i am ME afterall.


welp-- i guess i would go work on writing my book for a while-- but someone has beat me to it :

isn't that a crack-up?

looks like a good one ! perhaps i'll try to find me a copy !

a fun little read (not by me)

i was just over at kelly's place, and came across this story she wrote. it is THE most awesome, cutest , creative, UNIQUE (that's the word i was huntin for) -blog post i have seen in my blog life. :))

it's not very long and it will be sure to make ya smile.
and might even make ya wonder why YOU hadn't already done it.
and now it's too late.
go see -

A MooHaa Adventure