i married a loser -- and other stuff

hiya peoples--
i bet that title got your attention eh? it'd prolly get mine too if i saw it, especially about a guy you rarely hear a bad thing about- ever. well, i hate to say it , but yes, my soulman truly is a loser. he's "The Biggest Loser", in fact. in a manner of speaking that is. you see folks, he came home from work yesterday , to tell us other souls, that he happened to be 'the biggest loser' - winner, in the weight loss competition at work !! know what that means? my wonderful husband won 200.00 bucks ! yes he did. he also in so doing , since january lost a total amount of -- if i'm not mistaken 51 pounds :)
(and i do believe that i am off by a few pounds -- i think he lost more than that)
we are so proud of him!

and-- he isn't done yet.. he is also involved in a seperate competition with some fisherman, it doesn't end until july 2nd-- and the jackpot in that one is a whole lot more than 200.00 ... it is for 1000.00 !!! guess what place he is at in that one? yep. first place. he has been in first place since the beginning ! that money has his name all over it. wonder what i'm gettin for my anniversary -- july 1st. bwa hahahaha. yeh -- i know already -- a boat motor. yeh. romantic as hell eh? but hey-- that's a check i won't be forgettin-- i mean writin :))

anyhow-- wanna see my man? before and after? k. looky heah ---

this was a couple years ago -- but close enough -

and this, was like last week.

i'm so proud of him. he loves his food- and he didn't cheat ONCE !

i laughed at him this morning... his butt is GONE :)) hahahaha
i luff heem.

know what he did with his winnings? he is out right now, buyin a bike. whaddaguy.
i wonder how much more he'll lose before july 2 ??? i think he looks real good now.
i've worried about him for years. let's just hope he doesn't gain any back. he looks and feels so much much better lately.

so-- anyhow--- what else? oh my yesterday? never even happened. i went back to bed and i stayed there-- til like 430 or 5:00. got up-- ate, chilled, watched tv, back to bed at around 10 or so. period - what a day. oh yeh... i did take soulkid to her dr. appointment-- and that was all but a nightmare. was that yesterday? whenever it was-- i woulda rather had shock therapy. or a bottle of -- something. anyhow-- today is a new day -- and i am in tax hell. but -- hey-- that too is now over. yes, we filed an extension--- and while doing so --- the irs folks reminded us-- we never did file for 2006. ummm.... yeh i knew that-- and i have worried about it for all these years-- i knew they'd catch it eventually. our excuse-- the truth? we didn't-- and still don't know how to file half regular-- and half 1099. and no one seems to want to help . i have asked-- with offer of payment at least 4 people to help us. eegads. now we have 29 days to git er dun-- or face the wrath of uncle sam. who says ignorance is bliss? it aint. it's scary.

someone tell me why jitterbug is walkin around the house whining? she has a deep and pitiful meow-- and i don't know what she wants. she has food, and water. maybe she wants her daddy? but i'm fixin to run away.

ooooh... speakin of that--- i did it again--- rough day yesterday -- or night i guess. i threatened the fam that i was gonna run away -- again. shame on me. they hate it when i do that. but i mean it-- i gotta get away . even if it's a day. i need a break.

i'd come home. geesh.

anyhow-- that's it for now--
i wanna go fishin-- i didn't do that yet either-- and today it's raining. dammit
someone shut this cat UP

hugz all around.
laterz-

finally it's friday !

howdy folks! man i tell ya-- i have never looked so forward to a friday in my life. phew.
ok. i'm sure that isn't entirely true. but this has been one for the record books. i cannot believe how tight the money has been almost this entire past week. since sunday or monday. sunday was my spending spree. actually, i guess i should say the END of it.
holy crap peeps. i am so miserly. y'all who've been around a while know that about me. i don't mind spendin money on soulkid -- i do -- but i'm so used to it-- it only bothers me when we have something planned , or needed, and she still has her hand out. the girl has zero concept of the american dollar. no matter how hard we've tried to teach her. she still thinks it falls from the sky. (sigh). she will learn someday though. she surely will. we all do. right? and it aint always easy. poor girl.

so anyhow-- how i got there, i have no idea. just did. how i get anywhere-- i never know. bleh.

anyhow-- yeh. friday = today = payday! finally. what a relief. man i tell ya. i have avoided even lookin at the checkbook, between monday -- and yesterday. yes, i know-- i usually spend hours each day in that book. by my neglecting it-- and fear of it -- not only did i find two more late bills.. maybe three actually. i also realized -- i was in the dangerous RED zone. i had to transfer money from our summer vacation savings to checking ASAP. i had a near heart attack. my checking account has not been that low in several years. and if i hadn't noticed that balance at that time? stuff woulda bounced from here to canada. :(( so i got the money transferred online, and rechecked the balance--- total balance after that/ plus the two late bills? = $17.29 !!!
horrible. just horrible i say. i so do not waste money this way. i bet i totally blew over a thousand bucks in a week. easy. it'll take years for me to recover from the guilt of my stupidity. i feel poor and afraid when i get to 100.00 or even 200.00 in the bank.
if i get forced into savings or credit cards? just pass the tissue. cuz i'm done for. i never ever want to live like i used to. really. it's been so awful at times in my life-- i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. and when i think i see it comin? flashbacks and fear paralyzes me. i am usually so much more responsible.

ok -- i'll stop. why i'm goin on and on about this is beyond me. i told ya -- well someone.. this blog is where i dump my guilt -- pass your plate? have some? :))

anyhow-- yep - today is friday and it's payday, and i feel better already. well, mentally. physically, that's another story. i woke up at 2 a.m. today. yep-- as in UP. outta bed, and up up-- drinkin cofee , takin meds, chain smokin UP for the day UP. i even help soulman gather and take out the trash for garbage day.. at like 6 somethin in the mornin. ugh, there was a lot too. where the hell does it come from. eegads. i hate trash-- and laundry-- and frickin pumpin gas -- every day i age- i hate it even more. and i don't know why that is. it never bothered me before -- well, before i turned 40. then it was all over with. i just hate it all. and bras. and washin my car. i hate everything. guess i'm just a bitch, and gettin worse by the minute. and ya know, i don't think i really care. other folks might. but i have a bedroom i can live in if they don't like me. i've lived in it before. :))

so anyhow-- guess what i'm fixin ta do? seein as i am tired as hell, but not able to go back to sleep (right now)... and the fact that i woke up at 2-- soulkid was STILL awake-- so is still now sleepin.. after God knows when fallin asleep.... and soulman, of course is at work... aaaand i have already done a lot of my paperwork, bills and bank etc-- yepppers--- kids asleep -- and if i didn't mention it-- we got a alarm on our house a couple weeks ago-- so i feel better leavin her here alone-- anyhow--- i am gonna pack up a couple rods and tackle -- and i'm takin myself to the pond. we've been to broke to leave the house for almost a week... and i'm tellin ya -- i must get outta here -- and i really need some me time. soulkid is STILL not in f'n school! we found a charter school that we're tryin to get her into-- it sounds better for her and should move faster for her-- and help her make up all this lost time and grades etc faster-- IF they'll get off their ass and get her enrolled ! "they're waiting on her package from admin" -- geesh if i knew it would take this long-- i woulda hand carried the shit over!
uuuuggggghhhhh.

so anyhow.
that's what's happenin here-- what's up in your world?

oh - almost forgot-- now that we feel a little bit richer :)) tonight we're goin to see 'date night' at the movies and gonna go to outback to eat dinner. i need me a steak mate :))

already had my 'boost' for breakfast-- and last night i ate a burrito as long as my forearm-- no idea how i fit it all in me-- but i sure was hungry :)) it'll take a week to digest that damn thing.

ha--

happy weekend to ya --

laterz

hiya folks-- what are you talkin about? i didn't say a word.

no. i am not off my nut. i promise you that.


really y'all. what post? today? did i say somethin to confuse you? or perhaps i upset or concerned you? oh my dear friends, that was so not my intention. y'all know i would never do that on purpose. that is why, if what you saw was bothersome, it won't bother ya anymore. cuz we never saw it to begin with, right?

let's just say i had a lapse in reasoning. or maybe i had a senior moment, and forgot that i was bein stealth - like about a certain situation, and i perhaps got a bit mouthy. umm, loose finger-y ? ya know what they say -- loose lips, sink ships? well, i spose i'll have to figure out a 'line' for what loose fingers can do to a gal. shit. i reckon in my case? it could do a lot more than sink a ship.

shaddup. you know you love my 'code' language.

but really folks. no need to worry. no one is 'after me.' or any one of us souls here. what i was sayin was that -- in the simplest, less self condemning possible way ? there is reason for the big guy in town, to suspect that i -- or the larger soul in this house, might have reason to cause bodily harm to someone else. and trust me, we do.
but we won't. and everyone knows we won't. because-- we aren't that stupid. we know too much, and so does the big man.

i know. more code. i apologize.

but yeh. i'm not in some kind of delusional state of mind here. there is a very good possibility -- like 100 % -- that all 3 of us, have been bein 'watched' online. our facebooks, blogs etc. so -- i kinda tossed some crap out this mornin to let 'someone' know, i knew -- and didn't really care.
i'm not gonna stop bloggin, just cuz some asshat didn't wanna be on our side of 'this'. so hard to believe, and so enraging for us. moreso than what even happened. the one to help-- actually seemed to do the most damage.

i need to shut up and go to bed. perhaps xanax is worse than any kinda loose anything else-- it leads to sleep bloggin, and we all know - sleep bloggin can be my worst enemy.

so, enjoy that little tid bit of confusion -- smocha -- hope someone gets more from that than the other one that you didn't see earlier.

now. i will go to bed-- and feel free to call Kevorkian, anytime-- y'all have my number dontchya? send him my way k?

until next time-- just love me-- and don't worry.

btw peeps-- i do eat--- ya just can't tell. i can't believe how awful i look lately. umm dead i mean. kinda like her:

i just need to shut my mouth -

contain myself-

and drag my ass to the pond a few times -

don't you agree?

then i would look like that ^ rather than -
THIS :
cuz really folks - i do look like hell- and i know it

is this as bad as it gets? if so, let's forge ahead eh?

hiya folks. i guess i could say that i have returned. i think. for the most part yeh, i reckon i'm back. not that i even really left -- not as much as i thought i was gonna in the beginning. so yeh. screw it. i write -- therefore, i am. whether it be a little or a page full, i write. and i miss y'all when i don't. so here i am. and apparently, here are you too. thank you all for not leavin me. you know who you are. some of ya did apparently find the need to not say anything while i dealt with the 'thing' here in my world. and ya know, that's alright. how are ya expected to do or say anything when ya don't even know what i'm talkin about? right? so hey, no bad blood. i missed ya -- but i still love ya. hell , most of y'all don't understand me when i straight out tell ya somethin--- how do ya think i even expect ya to understand 'my code'. i don't. and i didn't. and that's ok.

so here. lemmee show ya somethin. it's a little bit on the pitiful side if ya really think about what you're really lookin at-- lemmee show ya first- then i'll tell ya more about it. k?

do you realize what it is that you are lookin at?
go ahead and click on it.
that my friends, it my mini trash can, next to where i sit.
it is filled to the point of overfloweth, with:
cig packs, Boost, water bottles, and coffee cups.
MY main sustenance for the past two days.

and, if you look at my previous photo post - of sorts ---
you will see that it is also filled with self destructive behavior.
such as -
frivolous spending of cash -- which you all know - is NOT my thing to do.
but i did, and i have done so - as if cash were running through my water pipes.
with has left us entirely broke. busted. poor. and pinching pennies.
also- the TAT - i have hated - even despised the 'black' rose. for almost 20 years.
but i did not need to go get it covered up. not now. not ever. yet i did.
i have talked about gettin a new tat. a small one. really no idea of what - or where.
somehow- sunday me and soulkid hopped into a tat shop-- i left with that tattoo, and she -- against my better judgment -- on any other day -- she left with her nose pierced. GOD save me, baby Jesus !
oh, and the curio cabinet/secretary? you don't wanna know what i paid for that-- but i will tell ya- it woulda been twice as much in a antique store- so it was a steal - but really, i didn't NEED it. impulse buy of the decade for me.
oh and the hookah ! good LORD. i didn't- and won't post a pic -- but i allowed my child. MY BABY- to smoke it as well. i know. just kill me now.
i feel awful. what kinda mother am i??? don't answer that.
i am a good mom. i am a damn good mom. i can say that now - and with conviction. y'all have listened to me question my mom skillz for years-- but now i will fight to the death with the next person who questions me on that lil topic.
damn good i say. i have done everything right. all the way up to now. and i will continue to mother the way that i have. because soulkid did everything right. she wouldn't have - if i didn't teach her how. so yeh. that's all i gotta say about that.

on the other hand. i am kinda stuck on the topic of trust with her-- since i have none. for anyONE. it is so very difficult for me to teach her to trust. or perhaps 're-trust"
i don't know how to do that. i keep telling her "don't be me". then i re-think that immediately in my head. so wrong. she loves me. she trusts ME.
maybe not the hermit part of me. not the me who shut the world out 21 years ago, to never let it back in. i can't watch her do that.
i won't watch her do that. but i don't know how to teach trust-- if i don't know it.

therein lies my biggest problem in bein a mom.
but i know i am a good mom, and i know she loves and trusts me. and for now--
that is what matters the most. right.
oh, and the fact that she loves and trusts her daddy.
we are both good parents--- for her.
mayybe not the next guys kid-- but for soulkid--- we are her parents for a reason.

anyhow--

make your days be good to you -- even if they're misbehavin.

oh hell -- i forgot this part -- ( added at 6:10 P.M) oops.



this song is from like 1990 - i only found it a few days ago-- it fits, and i likee.

why not ? ya only live once right.

still layin low- keepin words to a minimum -
but here's a day in the life of soul-land-

(not what you think)

(ba-na-na)

- i think i've aged ten years this past week :(( -

[yes, i did- and what a bargain :)) ]

(my skinny soulman- and a nice sunday bass )

(soulkid and my new 'yard boy')

(safety first )

(before)

(somewhere in the middle)

(after)

it's all about livin your life -
& keepin your dreams alive-

Never give anyone the power to take away your spirit-

a quick hello from soul-land

hiya peeps- just wanna say hi, and yes we're all still kickin 'round here.
perhaps it's just to stay above water, but yeh. whatever, why-ever. we're kickin.

i'm still gonna have to say the less i say on here - or anywhere online , actually , is the best. for all concerned.

i do miss y'all, i do want to run all over blog-land and visit, it just really isn't 'in me' to do that right now. i don't think it will be for a while to come. i do like to see y'all tho-- so stop in and say hi once in a while if ya like. it does brighten my days. i don't want to feel alone with 'this'. this, being something big . too big to even face at times.

that is all i can really say. maybe it's all i will ever say -- concerning what my little family is going through at this time. please don't feel like i'm keeping something from you. and like i said before-- don't go crazy trying to 'guess'. it's not worth it. we will get through it. eventually, and i will be back to bloggin and runnin around blogland like the crazy woman that i am just like before as soon as things are dealt with here in my little world.

until then, keep prayin -- and don't forget me. us. k?

also add in your prayers that the big-souls can contain the rage within us -- and i can't say any more -- enjoy the tunage -- and watch for me -- when you see me.

love, soul- and the fam-

micro-post --- someone told me i'm still alive :

so. i spose i'll just take their word for it.

a post or two before this one-- i have a couple mini posts in the comments - if you missed em, or care to see my spur of the moment babbling. or not.

anyhow-- i can't keep this to myself. no- not any info-- sorry .
but as some - or most of y'all know , my soulkid is very talented in the area of arts. music, singing, drawing, sketching, etc. since we've moved into this house she has even self taught herself some piano -- and good too. (on the piano the previous owners left, in order to not have to move it).
so anyhow-- in an effort to put her thoughts and mind in a different place for a while--- her dad took her to buy new art supplies---- in just a short time-- with her new paints, brushes, and first canvas -- below is what came out of her. folks i do believe we have an artist on our hands -- so i thought i'd share it with y'all. i am gonna buy it's own special frame and hang it proudly on my wall -- hopefully where i can see it often-- but the living room is scarce for wall space-- so it may end up in the entrance hallway-- but hey-- it's a wall. and she surprised all 3 of us with the finished product.

BEHOLD
(click on it)

(this photo is copyrighted)

anyhow-- we haven't lost our sense of humor-- yet
look at 'turtle' - who btw- will soon be freed at the creek-
"he's boring as shit"

not sure what, other than boring she expected-it's a damn turtle.
but yeh- he is boring - and yet to be named.

so. as usual, i blabbed way more than my micro-post intended-
but that's just some stuff about what stuff is around here.

be happy folks - ya never know when that may change. laugh when ya can.. through the good , the bad, and the shitty.
cuz baby-- that's life for some folks we know.

i won't be posting for a while - i don't know how long, but i'll be around.. maybe-

soul land has been interrupted for an undetermined amount of time.
give me time to deal with this. i can't, and most likely will not reveal details of 'this' one. it's just too big this time. i'll be back, when i get back.

stay safe- be well, be happy, and know that i think of all-a-y'all... a lot-

soul-out

i am soooo tired , i could collapse right this second if i don't carry my butt to bed . immediately - if not sooner

i just can't write one more word - so that's it outta me for the day-
rest easy friends-
see ya later folks-

here comes Gwyneths head --- in a BOX

don't even ask. all i will say is that we watched the movie (seven) last night-- for the second time . and the ending both times, just makes that song come to my mind. i won't apologize. i think it's funny. my own sarcastic humor keeping me from finding it too unsettling to 'handle.' maybe.

anyhow. i know i'm losing control of my bloggin , and i'm sorry. i try to keep up. and it just seems, that if i am able to post= then i fall behind on visiting, and or commenting. or if i manage to visit = i fall behind in posting, or commenting. or of course , if i comment, then i obviously - fail in the area of everything else. i have lost my ability to multi-task. (*SIGH*) that really bothers me. y'all know about what i did with y life insurance right? (let it lapse. sigh, again) well.. ugh. several bills this past week have been totally forgotten by me. i do mean -- OOPS. what bills? house payment , what? whos credit card? 3/26 , really? hmm. the bed? that was due on the first too? / soulmans life insurance? when? / whaddaya talkinabout?

seriously guys--- i think the time has come for me to pass the torch. and it pains me to say it-- even worse to finally admit it to myself. i had a talk with soulkid last night tho-- it's time she learn about this kind of thing, and responsibility, especially since she has been talkin about owning her own business in the future. this would be the main meat of that... and it would be a good way to teach her the basics of 'bookkeeping.' so. yep. we'll get started on that-- just a bill or two at a time. maybe early in the week. not today. soulman has tried-- attempted, i should say- to take over this obligation a few times before when i seemed to do a not so good job, as in forgetting or being late with things. but let's just say -- he gets busy -- and he too ends up forgetting, or getting confused keepin up with everything-- even picking up on "my system". so i thought it would be good to teach soulkid the ropes, and get hher trained as our new bookkeeper. especially now while she's not in school. geesh i feel for her-- she is litterally goin nutty -- she wants to go to school- and it's actually sad to watch her jus shrivel and get depressed, dying of boredom. we need prayers fro y'all for this transfer to go thru in a hurry and get her ass in school -- like tomorrow. :))

oh-- here's a pic of me and audrey yesterday-- this 'place' was on "diners, drive-ins, and dives, " i think maybe a year or so ago. it's called 'Chef's Point Cafe'. i decided it would be a good place to take her for lunch-- or dinner-- it was like 5 or later - but it didn't feel that late. so we went and ate there. she liked it. and the twenty year old waiter was the most flirtatious little guy i've seen in ages. he was so cute and funny. i was havin so much fun with audrey about this, and kept callin her a 'cougar'... she was sickened by the thought--- but we were laughin our butts off. maybe ya had to be there, but we laughed like we were high on something all day long-- and no-- that was not the case. just high on life- really.



wanna see us there-- we asked a random stranger to take our pic. he politely obliged :))




so-- as for today the Easter Bunny came to visit--- he left soulkid a pretty cool basket full of goodies -- of course i didn't take a pic before she unloaded it -- so i can't show it to ya-- but i will say, it's prolly the best basket i've built in her whole life, and she really liked it. so i'm happy for that.

and, guess whhat else he did before he left? wild guess. give up? ok. he knew soulman had to leave for the week, and we had planned on a family breakfast before he got on the road... so the sweet easter bunny was kind enough to also leave eggs for us-- already cooked and on the table :)) how sweeT ; just LOOKY --

and with that --
i heart y'all. :))

THANK YOU EASTER BUNNY !!

HAPPY EASTER FOLKS -- ENJOY IT !

friday night live :)) NOW - IT'S later news @ 8:30 - UPDATE

i'm ok peeps -- will update latah--
in fact-- i'll move this to the front page -- gotta go to dinnah --
laterz y'all

BREAKING NEWS . . .

Thank you, one and all. for your nice thoughts, prayers, and well wishes. whatever it was that you did, you done it well, and right. and i thank you. :)) someone wrote a song about that once - have you heard it? "and I thaaaanK you..." yep, it wasn't too bad either. so yep - i dedicate that song to y'all. welp, at least i think i do. it's been a long time since i've heard it, so i obviouskly only remember the one line in it :O bleh . just love me.

ok -- what do ya wanna know first? how bout the part i learned first.. how's that?
k.. first 'news' i got today was the call from the pain doc, about the MRI results.

the good= nope. no tumor. thank God. yes i did think it was a possibility. it always crosses my mind to tell the truth. i haven't 'felt well' for several years, and no doctor in the country has been able to tell me why that is. except for the one who diagnosed me with Addison's disease about 5 or six years ago. that explained and still does, alot of why i feel bad - but not enough. i still search for some other - illness, syndrome, or mystery diagnosis.. of some sort or another. i need dr. House. yesterday.
but regardless of any of that... the MRI was clear of any and all 'abnormalities'. oh really? well shit. this is of course aside from the already diagnosed crap like 'facet joint arthritis' at L-4 and L-5. and 'stenosis' , and friggin some other 'thing with a fancy name for bad and never ending pain.
prognosis? meds. have the steroid injections on monday and hope for the best. if the shots do no good, follow up with some kind of other fancy and expensive diagnostic scan from another 'specialist'. hmmm... love the fancy words 'they' use that so easily slip my mind. but once again, when i know more- you will know more.

oh, sorry -- the bad and the ugly is in there somewhere -- ya just have to sift around a bit to find it-- i forgot i was writin 'that way' .

and next? the labs are obviously a hurry up and wait - all the time. but the dip-stick pee test seemed ok. the blood will be a while.

i think that about covers it?

we went out for dinner earlier -- it was good , and a good time. we had our 'Easter Dinner" because soulman will be out of town for his fishing tournament, and soulkid, apparently has plans with her hunny boy, and audrey will be here for a few days before her return to California -- so we shall just be cleanin up the soul - crib and chillin for the next few days.

other than that? not much else to say right now--

hope your nights are happy ones out there in your worlds.
can't rightly complain-- too much, - about mine.

i can pee clearly now - but the pain's not gone :))

i can't see anything before my eyes --

just slap me around a little , i'll straighten out. well, no i won't cuz this is just how i am. and you love me anyhow-- just admit it to yourself. you'll be ok. ha ! no, i'm not stoned. i had one pain pill , two hours ago. stoned it did not make me. bummer huh? yeh that's what i say. if i have to take the stuff, i should at least enjoy it right? yeh well, i'm not that lucky. but i am grateful that it's not fun for me.. cuz if it was? i'd be gettin myself in big trouble with that.

but anyways to move this along -- i can. i can, and i did, and i have... peed, i mean. i was really worried about that little problem yesterday. i didn't have any kind of clue what might be causing that. it's never happened before. so yes, i was concerned about that.
i was - and am, scheduled for labs late this afternoon. so we'll see if anything shows up on those. urine and blood-- we'll see about liver- kidney- addisons related stuff-
things along those lines -- anything that may relate to the weight loss- the low back pain -- that if it isn't a spine or disk problem, could be kidneys- hence the peein thing. or perhaps - the amount of meds i've been takin this past year or so-- liver. ugh. i hurt all over the damn place-- how am i sposed to know where or what could be wrong? i don't. hell i had a DVT- and friggin lung clot for two full days before i went to the doctor ! i always think -- "
hell, it's just me, i always hurt. it's no big deal, take a pill."

now? i have no idea - so of course -- "i have a tumor !" somewhere! shit.
my pain dr. 'assured me, yesterday

"it's not a tumor- i give you permission to relax, if nothing is on the MRI"

"okee dokee doc. it's not your body -- with 150 symptoms of 'a tumor' so sure i'll relax. suuure thing."

and hells no -- i only said that in my head. i may be ballsy sometimes -- but i don't ever bite the hand that feeds me. bleh.

so anyhow-- yep - i 'should' hear something about the MRI by -- 3, maybe 5.. today.
i'll let ya know what and when i know. k?

as for the labs? we all know those take -- t-i-m-e , but again -- i'll get back to you on that. k?

happy weekends people-

make them happy , even if they're not seeming that way -- that's what i'm gonna do :))

what i know - what i don't know

howdy peeps. how are y'all today? hopin everything is good in your world. warm and sunny? it is at least that, here. so, that's one for the positive side.
so. most of y'all know that i went to the dr. this morning. for those who don't know? you know now. right? k. well, yes i did. i went to see my pain management dr. i went because i have a steroid injection for my back still scheduled for this coming monday 4-5-10. i also have a ride at the ready - who would be the one and only Audrey. as my soulman will be out of town and unavailable to drive me. and also- i am really hoping that my kid will be in school

anyhow-- when the office called the other day, to discuss my co-payment due at the time of the shots, well, i nearly dropped dead. it was - and will be apparently -- 500 bucks, weather it be the shots , or whatever other procedure they deem necessary -- plus an additional 150.00 for anesthesiology. terrific. right? well, i thought at that time, WTH - what if i don't need a shot- but what if something else is goin on? right? i'm thinkin this to myself. but of course i ask to talk to the lady that schedules this stuff- and i ask her -- i end up with an appointment for today. well. of course todays 9 A.M appointment -- turns out to be an aaaal day affair. geesh . no kiddin. i left home at 830-- didn't get back til 230 or 3 o'clock. worn to my bones -- and to be honest -- i really could go to sleep right now. i'm whooped.

anyhow-- the dr appointment went ok.... until a few things happened.
1st , i get lectured for - self raising my meds. hell, i told her i did it. i also talked to her last time i was there about needing a stronger med -- possibly -- cuz these just weren't workin as well anymore. i've built a tolerance, and they aren't mych better than a big dose of aspirin. so we had to discuss all that. y'all know i love that. but i brought my bottles/pills with me -- she was ok with everything, and did temporarily change me to something stronger -- until we find out exactly what's goin on with my back.



it also, just happened to be time for my random urinalysis -- i never worry about that - cuz a -- it's not like in the navy when ya get watched - and ya feel all self conscience about havin to pee in a cup. or b- i don't do anything i'm not rx'd - so that's no big deal. so i go to go pee-- i have to pee... i cannot pee. cannot. not will not- cannot.
we discuss THAT. is it my back? is it my kidneys? is it a UTI? WTF? why can i not pee? then it comes to -- you can't leave til you pee enough for the test. very little - i drink a glass of water - we discuss things etc. even bs a little to chill out. finally, i'm able to pee -- like barely a little. and that was a chore.
she starts talkin lab work. and MRI. etc.

i expected the MRI . on fact i wanted one. cuz i know somethin is goin on.

but-- this not bein able to pee? no-- never in my life has that happened to me.
aaaand ...? yesterday -- soulkid was makin cookies and wanted me to hang out in the kitchen with her. she even took the desk chair- with wheels on it in there for me. while i was goin in there -- just for grins, i got on the scales. i don't weigh often.. unless i'm havin a 'fat day'. well, i just got on the scales - just cuz. my jaw dropped.
i won't say exactly what my weight is..... but i will say it's under 120. i don't remember a day that i have been under 120. even in NM , when i was at my most ill point.... i was still above 120. am i concerned? ummmm, yeh.

i have labs scheduled for tomorrow, the MRI is done, and has a rush on it - to be sent over by 5 today to my dr.

so yeh. whothehell knows? not me. waitin on the docs.

hmmmm. i think i need to just go lay down and let this sink in a little. whatever 'this' might be.

i shall keep you informed.

latah folks

this n that

i thought i was gonna be S.O.L. for a post today. i couldn't think of anything to write about. at all. so here i am, cruisin around to various websites, when i end up on a video site. i find this clip - of course i just have to watch it. the title alone grabs my curiosity. so i watch it, and i don't know if it's just me, the fisher in me, or if it really is just redneck humor - and truly plane ole funny. so y'all go on and watch it - and you tell me. is it funny? and if so, what kinda funny? or... am i just stupid? it's ok. i won't break.

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1925958

ok. so whaddaya think? tell me k.

alrighty then . i sent it via e-mail to hubby - i can hear him laughin in the livin room -- i'm in my office. so there. it's funny. in someway -- you will laugh.

anyhow-- i was fixin to move on to somethin else, but i had to let ya know- soulman laughed. :))

k. do y'all realize our temp out here in north texas reached a glorious 88 degrees today? that's what it is right now. man. i'm ready. so ready. i can't believe it was like two or three weeks ago that we had snow on the ground , and today, if it were possible, if we were on the boat today we woulda been burnt to a couple crispy critters. man. i sure wish we could've gone out on the lake today. but a combination of soulman workin all day, and me bein unable to stand for more than five minutes - well, it makes that entirely impossible. for me anyhow. i'm sure soulman woulda hit the water - somewhere if he wasn't workin.
and ya know what? soulkid is really gettin sweet in her 'old age'. really. this morning. surprisingly, the kid got up before noon. ( yeh , she's still not in school. big issues, big delays, but everyone is workin hard to 'expedite everything' and push all this crap through, but good lawd, it's takin forever. hopefully maybe monday, she'll have her ass at a school desk? - if not sooner.)
anyhow - this morning... we were talkin about the forecast etc. she said i should go fishin. i explained my pain situation-- again. she asked then, if i could sit in a chair. i said i could , and added a snarky " that's ALL i have been doin for almost a week." not knowin what she had in mind. she responds with a "i will go fishin with you, and i will carry a chair for you." now is when we all say it... awwwwwwwww. it really was the sweeeetesT thing she's said to me in a while. i couldn't go though. not today. but the thought of it, made me get all misty eyed. and i thanked her, sincerely. it really was a sweet thought , she hates to fish -- oddly enough. she does enjoy the water, and the ducks and other critters over at the creek. she feeds them and takes pictures and stuff. i always try to get her to fish, but she hasn't in a year or two. some day -- maybe when we go to TN this summer.

anyhow -- we did want to get out - and not let the day slip by - it was beautiful outside.
besides that - she wanted to drive - of course, and she also, had talked me into buying her a turtle. that's right. she's good isn't she? that or i'm just a suckah. i vote for the latter. but yeh. we went to the pet store and bought her a turtle. oh, but wait. it isn't that simple. i thought it would be. but when am i ever right? when is anything ever simple, when I am involved? that's right. and why is that. right again. very good. because I am ME. yeh. ya can't just buy a turtle and put it in a box -- like i did when i was a kid. turtles , frogs = box and lettuce.. and walks on shoe lace / leashes. that's how it was back in the old days. ya got creative .. or ya got NUTHIN. remember those days. when kids had what used to be know as imaginations???


well, these days.. imaginations, have been replaced by the good ole american dollah, my friends. there is no more wild and free creative imagination in our young people today. the don'tmake cars out of shoes. they don't make radios out of shoe boxes. and they damn sure don't reduce their animals to life in a box. so there. hmph.
ad, just so ya know? i did draw the line when i was told that i 'must' purchase a damn $50.00 heat lamp for said turtle. i will not, did not, and will never spend that much money on a damned turtle. geesh. we dropped $64.91as it was ! for what , you may wonder. yeh, so did i. it just added up. 20 bucks for the turtle. 15 bucks for the 'aquarium', 10 - for some 'chemical stuff, and another sumthin $ for a 'floating rock.'
yippee. and they still wanted me to invest in a 50 dollar lamp. ummmm no. i said - she can take him outside for sunlight. i am not gonna buy that. period- end of discussion. surprise to me-- she hasn't brought it up once , and she thanked me kindly for what she did get. she's my favorite soulkid , ya know it? :))

so anyhow-- my camera is out in my car -- and i just don't have it in me to get it -- or else i would show you the new soul- pet. have patience , and i shall show ya tomorrow.


oh yeh, one more thing before i go-- ok two things-- first, we're goin to the movies in a couple minutes-- we're gonna see 'TheLastSong".
and tomorrow- i'm gonna see my pain dr about my back. i decided that i really don't think i wanna go in there on monday and drop a load of money for the shots (my deductible isn't met yet) and what if it isn't gonna do any good. what if somethin is actually bad wrong? maybe i need a scan or somethin? who knows? i sure don't. all i know - is i droppin 500 bucks only to be told i have to drop another 5 somewhere else. so i feel good about that decision.

and on that note i have to go. i will check in tomorrow after i talk to the doctah.

i apologize for fallin behind on the comments etc. i do appreciate y'all comin by and talkin to me though -- know that ok? cuz i do. i do. i do :))

now it is your turn -- catch up folks some of y'all are fallin behind on your posts :)) i need to know where life is for you-- and how you are doin. :))
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

"stop shitting yourself " - "maybe if you stop trying to kill me"

for real folks. when does it end?

put yourself in my position for a minute. or try to. or , perhaps maybe, you've been here. just for a moment? maybe not all the high or low points of the day, but i will take this one situation that me and soulkid found ourselves in this afternoon. then i reckon i'll work my way backwards throughout the rest of our day. sound ok to you? i hope so. because it started out pretty good. for US, anyhow. you ready? k. here we go. we were on our way home from our little mommy daughter afternoon outing. which included a stop at the post office, then Target, then a coffee to go, then the salon for 'manicures', then

- this - then headed on home - but , i would have happily skipped THIS part -

NO - thank God, we did NOT collide.
but i did however have a arm flailing , hands waving, full fledged panic-attack !
of course. only to be screamed at by my child - who was 'driving' . who also turned left on a green light - smack into oncoming traffic in rush hour !
her reply to my "You almost got us hit by that car !"
"I had a green light!"
"It wasn't a green ARROW- you had a YIELD!"
"Stop shitting yourself, it didn't hit us!"
"Stop trying to kill me, and pay attention!"
-- now comes me turnin the radio down- her turnin it up-
who has a xanax?
cigarette? ahh yeh that'll work.
everyone shuts up and i smoke :))
this happened one mile from home.
we survived.
we didn't speak for the first half hour at home.
now all is fine.
cuz that's how we roll, baby.
sometimes.

(as i write this she and her dad are arguing over her crushin snack boxes, and takin out the trash - in the kitchen -- ugh. )

ok, so. backtracking to the beginning of our journey -- to go forward :
i was goin to get ready to head out with her- knowing she was gonna drive. i was ok with that. lately she has been drivin alot with her dad, and she's been doin real well. or at least that's what they tell me. so. i go to get ready. and guess what? i cannot find one very important part of my wardrobe. what do you think that might be? yeh. my bra. not even a dirty one. WTH? i'm searchin all over the place. even in my dirty laundry basket, of all places. to no avail. can't find one anywhere. i begin to wonder if the dogs have drug em off - or maybe even ate them? geesh.
so we have to add Target to our list of places to go. fun fun. not.
we head on out and go to the post office first , to mail my stupid life insurance -- that had lapsed. but thankfully- i was able to talk someone into waving the reinstatement form, and i only had to pay the three months-- yeh i know-- that i was behind, plus april payments... PHEW, then i needed to check my PO box. well, soulkid missed her turn so she was goin the wron way - or woulda been on a one way, in the parkin lot - so she had to park and i had to walk like half a block to go inside. y'all know that was fun. so after that we go to target to scope out the bras. of course, i come out of the dressing room, and the lady notices - right away that one of the two is "missing. " this kinda stuff only happens to me ya know. so i have to tell her i'm wearin it. talk about embarrassed . geesh. (there were two bras on one hanger.) so then i get treated like a thief , and 'escorted ' to the cashiers counter .. while hollerin for soulkid.. to join me, like the "white-trash alert" that we are :)) funny part was , she wasn't embarrassed at all, she just wanted me to buy her a shirt -- which i refused to do. she has had entirely too much money spent on her lately. so, there i was, tryin to be all stealth-like, and get outta there-- and she begins to 'argue' over a damn shirt. terrific .
i was never as happy as the moment we got out of there.
well, other than the moment -'white trash alert' was actually born.
(i'll tell ya about that little quote someday. it's a 'Soul original' )
so anyhow- we leave. soulkid still drivin, still doin good.

and we go down the road to have our nails done. yep. mommy daughter manicures.
how sweeT ! right? not so much really. first, we go in, and they have a wait. so , we go next door - kinda, and get a coffee. sit over there for a bit, then go back. they can only take one of us, so i let soulkid go first. ten or fifteen minutes later another gal calls me. okee dokee. she tries to seat me with my back to soulkid, i ask if i can sit next to her. sure no problem.
the woman was a friggin sadist !!! five minutes in and i was already grimmacing, but trying not to say anything---
UNTIL :

she drew freakin BLOOD!

then , not only that -- five minutes later? she pours alcohol on it, without warning !
i say through gritted teeth "that's some alcohol"
"yes"
OMG i think. WTH - i also think

now, i not only am in pain, but ready to hit her as well.
but nooo. i remain calm. well. as calm as can be expected.
UNTIL.
she did it again. the bitch friggin cut me again.. on the other hand - a different finger- different cuticle. and i just couldn't contain myself any further. the one finger - my pinky on the other hand is still bleeding and stinging. she's friggin gouging this metal 'tool' into everthing she possibly can, and now/ yep- she has these freakin sharp clippy things, and i'm bleedin again ! NO THANKS. i refuse to pay for this kind of treatment.
i stood up and said. "ok, this is just NOT fun for me. i will pay when she is finished."
then i had to get some air. which in my language means have a cigarette. so i went to the car to look for soulkids 'missing' phone. which again halfway means - have a cigarette. ugh. her phone really was 'lost'. we thought she may have left it at target, but luckily while i was out there - someone called mine, and said it was at the coffee place, so i just went in there and got it.

it wasn't long after that when soulkid was finished. i was happy for that. i was even happier for the fact that i wasn't charge for my butchering. i mean partial manicure.

then of course we went on to endure the lovely 'almost car wreck'

you KNOW you wanna be me -- :))

or soulman - right?
cuz right now - it's his turn. she is drivin him to her boyfriends place of employment at this moment :)) wish them well.

and a happy night to y'all

PS- my brand new damn bras are too tight :((

have a nice day

well, who am i to call the kettle black ?

well, howdaya like me now?

yeh. that's what i thought. first, i gotta come in here yesterday ,and whine like a big baby. then of all things that i crybaby about? i turn around and do it right back. not my intention. i ended up sleepin the whole day long. not sure when i laid down today. 10-11 maybe , but i didn't get back up til maybe i think 7 P.M. yes i know . i'm just worthless. oh sorry. tryin not to whine, and it starts again.
really, i don't mean to get like this. it's gotta be the frekin back stuff. for days i've been crippled. to the point of discussing 'scooters-- vs. segways' with my family. of course, i am not ready for either one, but they do beat the hell out of a wheel chair. at least at this point in my life. i started bawlin like a child in that discussion. as i did when we bought this house, knowing that the stairs would be a problem. soulman, talked then about installing a stair- chair lift thing. i couldn't , and still refuse to face that idea. no way. so, yeh folks. stuff like this, just wears on me. it gets to me. and it depresses me.

i did however get my appointment scheduled for the lumbar steroid injection in my back. unfortunately, it is gonna be for when soulman is out of town next week. so i am hoping it works ok, as i will need a 'driver'. if i wait til soulman is home? it will be weeks.. and i can't be 'like this' that long. i'm fallin apart as it is.

i'm sittin here as it is. realizing that i have been home, for days. on my ass, if not in bed. virtually, a damn invalid. and it's just not fun. it makes me think about -- not bein able to clean the mess that i glare at up - at all. no bending, standing, lifting, no nuthin. or- not bein able to go out on the boat-- i have yet to be on it. well i did sit on it in the driveway one day while soulman worked on. but man, i wanna go out on it-- on the lake and fish. ya know. also - i think- even the pond-- i can't stand and walk to even friggin bank fish right now. not to mention carryin all the rods and tackle to get there.

soulman and soulkid finally made it to the grocery store today -- we were really out of everything. it was sad. and upsetting.

for me, to watch myself over these past maybe 8-10 years go from a totally independent do all - truly really run and do everything from wake up til go to bed... to this -- this thing that i am now? it simply angers me. i'm less than half of who i used to be.

twenty years ago? 'someone' told me "no one is ever gonna marry you - you're too independent".

obviously -- someone did marry me... but not the me i am.. i went from the be all - do all -- to being almost totally dependent . and i can't like it.

anyhow-- i spose i'm at the venting stage of my ' i've fallen and i can't get up' thing--
it'll pass soon.. i'll be back to 'normal' soon.

bleh.

sorry folks.

ps-- do watch gilbert grape-- it's so good. i think i need to watch it again.

why is no one postin today???

hiya folks --

i hate it when no one updates their blogs. or worse even.. they don't update -- and they don't comment on mine. WTH are you people doin all day? geesh. two of you? i mean thank you Donna, thank you Mary. but man, where are the rest of y'all? yeh, i do realize it's the weekend , and y'all are chillin, and catchin up with your lives and families and all that. but hey, don't i even cross your mind at all on the weekend? i'm here. i think of y'all. i post . i say hello to you. come say hello to me, would ya?
is that so difficult? "i could 'go' at any time Gilburt". y'all know that. don't be the one who didn't say g'bye. ok. i apologize. that was a low blow. but ya know what? i am such a idiot. i did somethin soooo stupid. i knew about it, and i even worried about it while it was happening. all i had to do was writ a freakin check, and put it in the mail. or even ask soulman to do that for me. did i? no. hell no. i just sat around worryin about it for a couple months -- until it finally happened. yep. wanna know what was in our PO box? a notice. yup. not a letter. but a notice. from my life insurance company. yes i sure did. i had let my life insurance go unpaid. for over two friggin months. i oughtta be shot. now, i have to fill out a questionnaire. IF i am correct - and i'm thinkin i'm not. i think it's only for the 10,000.00 one... the one i let lapse was for a lot more than that. but everything that is 'wrong' with me is 'service connected' so -- if i am RIGHT -- it shouldn't be held against me , as far as my insurance being reinstated - same rate-= same pay-out etc. BUT -- holy crap guys. if i am WRONG?? they will not re- insure me. in fact NOBODY will. not in my condition. there is just too much wrong with me. i have too many 'conditions/diagnosed and undiagnosed. like i said -- i could go at anytime. and no one wants to pay insurance out in any amount. i can't believe i let that go like that. 17.00 a month. what the hell was i thinking. or not thinking. it isn't the first time i've done this either. i did it once before a few years ago. and i've done it with other bills. i've even done it with our house payment ! (not this one - but i've done it in the past). i could just kick myself.
and i've had the form sittin right next to me the whole day long-- have i even put a pen to it yet? umm, nope. why? hellifiknow. i just don't know. my brain must be in the O-F-F position lately. i need help. someone help me.

(my favorite line in the whole movie - is in the first forty seconds-
there's a commercial - but it's worth it - just watch :))

What's Eating Gilbert Grape (1993)
Uploaded by m0vietrailerpark. - Watch feature films and entire TV shows.

ok... so anyhow. nothing i said up there was at all, what i had planned on writing. does that surprise you? me neither. in any way. i sure hope the new addition (Annie) the dog- you know - up top to your left -- i hope she will make for a good -
therapy dog. :))


[see? time passes - i re-read - i notice "top, RIGHT, not left. save me Baby Jesus.]

i just found this pic on http://www.motherlodek9.com/therapy/ if anyone is interested.

SO. anyhow. to get to what i had planned to write. geesh. i was on FB a while ago, and a friend of mine had mentioned her bicycle, immediately , MY lil mind goes in the direction of ME on a bicycle. yeh , i know.. can ya see it. not pretty, right? well.. ya know what i thought of?

THIS:


who remembers these things??
i do. i don't care if it ages me or not. we all know i'm friggin old.
obviously.
old, and on my way OUT the door.
if not in body, surely in mind.
say "g'bye Soul."

but yeh. that was my first image to come to mind. i remember my gramma had one of those. i also remember back then that (a - not sure where or why i was there) but a nursing home had like a mini - parking lot full of them, for the patients to use. (when i was a kid .

so anyhow-- yep- that's what i thought of, and actually often do. but mostly in humor. i do however, actually consider buying myself one of these --- someday. -

OR -
( it's more 'laid back' )

i may get stuck in this one

anyhow- these are "recumbent bicycles" . they're kind of expensive , but they would be good for me to use if or when i can't drive anymore. or maybe when i 'shouldn't drive. ya know. bleh.

i can't believe this is happening to me at my age. but face facts y'all. it IS happening. a lot of you have watched right along with me. my lil brain is shriveling right before our eyes.

ten years. it's all i ask. twenty would be better. but in ten, i just may see soulkid married, and have her 1st kid.

sorry-- i don't know where all that came from. it just did.

see? you shoulda blogged today.

laterz-

some happy souls

wow -- soulman isn't home yet, but he's close. maybe half an hour away. he just sent me some pix on my phone -- of the finished product. yup -- our new boat. in all her glory. if you haven't read the fish tale i posted a couple days ago -- it will help you appreciate this boat even more. :)) if you have? then you know why we are so happy to have it. the post about the tourney -- and our boat was originally posted two years ago -- so imagine -- if it was 'that bad' then -- yes -- sooo much worse now. wanna buy it ? :)) it's cheap. just the pay-off. call me. :))

so anyways -- wanna see the new baby of the family?

isn't she pretttteeeee .
yeh that's a statement, not a question. :))
wanna know what makes it even better?
she's paid for. cash money- paid off :))

well, except for one little thing -
yeh THIS part -


but hey - that's kind of important, dontchya think?
the one we took off our boat for temporary use?
not only was it not powerful enough for this boat ?
it also knocked so much off of the value of our other boat,
that it made it virtually worthless.
the motor is all that makes the other boat worth a dime- even close to the pay-off.
so , yeh- we have to sell it, and soon, cuz we now have motor payments-
and old boat- boat payments-
yuk.
so- i say again- wanna buy a cheap boat?
if i've known ya long enough - i may even let ya take over payments -
:))

so anyhow-- i have to thank my pal Donna (TX) for pointing out the reason i was having problems getting my posts in the right place-- uhhhh, -- senility, perhaps?

yeh, for some unknown reason, i have MAY on my mind. first i go to a May appointment - in March. then I post a friggin March post - dated as May. just lock me up -- but visit once in a while k?

happy sunday y'all.. hope you get some sun. as you prolly have guessed, i haven't been outside yet- and i have no clue what it's like out there in the world.
bleh.

maybe i should just go with the name "Herman".. ya think.?

saturday selections

hiya folks. how's your saturday goin so far? i hope it's great. really. warm? sunny? happy? pain-free; for those of us with pain issues? all around just a good day in the works? that's what i hope for y'all.

geesh it's like 11 a.m. - it feels like one. i thought it was for a minute, til i just looked at the time on my computer. how weird. yes i did have a rough night last night. again. WTH people? i have had such a messed up week, as far as sleep goes. patchy sleep, at best. some nights, no sleep at all. most days no nap , but one was surely needed. days and nights gettin flip flopped all around. it's been a disaster.
i'm wonderin if that is why my back etc. has been givin me so much trouble, or if it's somethin else. i don't know for sure what it could be, but last night and yesterday - it got so bad - pain wise, that when i got up at like midnight, i used the bathroom mirror-- to the best of my ability, to try and take a look at my low back. it seemed pretty swollen lookin at it. i was damn near crippled yesterday. it's been comin for at least a week tho. but it finally hit me hard yesterday when i got up in the morning. good Lord , it was bad. if i wouldn't have had meds -- i surely would have been headin to the dr. somewhere. for something. i did however call my pain dr. to schedule another steroid injection in my back. that's how bad it was. i didn't accomplish squat around the house-- except to put my clothes in the dryer -- that soulman washed for me. i then folded them- kinda.. but at least i had somethin clean to wear-- for once in like weeks it seems. if not for the last few warm days-- and the fact that i luckily had clean shorts handy -- i woulda been nekkid for sure. i got lucky there. bleh.
so yeh. soulman got me a load of wash started , i just had to finish it up- cuz he had stuff to do with the boat-- gettin ready for a tournament at lake Amistad. [not sure if i've mentioned that or not- but he will be gone almost a week-- beginning Easter Sunday -- oh yay :(( ]

that's why my hair hasn't been frosted yet. cuz if he hasn't been at work, he's been gettin the boat and tackle ready. (motor swapping - again on the boatS) ; and - or , my friggin back has been OUT. i been tryin and tryin to figure out WTH i might have done to my back to make it be this way -- i have no idea. the drive to austin? fishin the , what twice? , i did have to carry heavy crap on the austin etc trip- and drive alot-- it could be what happened. but hell, i don't know. i only know it hurts, like a mo-fo. and like i said - it looks swollen around my spine in the lower area in my back. so i may have slipped a disc-- or one may be bulging, but it aint fun-- at all.

so as for today? soulman had to go to -- somewhere -- all i know is it's about 4 hours in each direction - there and back - and he got about as much sleeep as i did last night.
oh- he's goin to pick up the 'new' motor for the 'new' boat. ugh-- i know - even i'm confused. all i do is make sure the shit gets paid for. but his original plan was to drive there , swap motors and drive home today -- i told him-- nooooo-- you'll be too tired -- get a room on your way back, it's not worth wreckin just to save a little money. so he'll prolly stop somewhere and stay the night.

as for me and my soulchild today? not real sure what we'll do. i have trouble with the pain, as far as walkin goes.. along with other movement-- even layin down. that's why i got out of bed at like 1 or 2-- i woke up at 12. after goin to sleep at maybe 9. ugh. sucks man. so. not only am i in pain, i'm exhausted to boot.



they're havin another yard sale across the street today. i'm tempted to go over and just shoot the shit with the gals over there for a while-- but i'm in my jammies-- i'm out of coffee-- and i'm prolly way too tired to cary on a conversation. but i know it would be fun.

i also thought about goin fishin for a while-- then i second guessed that-- cuz i just don't have the standing and walkin in me today i don't think.

then i thought-- we have a frickin totally empty fridge and pantry -- that should be dealt with -- today. i could take the kid to the base and grocery shop- maybe hit the -exchange- 'department store' too. maybe. but that too, requires a lot of walking - on my part. i don't think so.

i might as well just take my ruined ass to bed. maybe after a couple hours of sleep -- maybe then, i might feel a little better, and we - or i could accomplish something.
anything.

but i reckon for this moment- i'll work on bills and my check book and stuff like that. that's usually what i do when i can't sleep anyhow. afterwards, i really think i need some sleep. without soulman here to referee us - -it could get nasty between me and soulkid. she too-- couldn't sleep last night. was it a full moon or somethin???

anyhow-- i spose i'll shut this down for now - and let y'all continue with your days--
hope they are good to you-
laterz