told ya so

mornin folks!

Inspired by the song "Bad Moon Rising" Creedence Clearwater Revival :


I see the bad moon arising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see earthquakes and lightnin.
I see bad times today.

Chorus:
Dont go around tonight,
Well, its bound to take your life,
Theres a bad moon on the rise.

I hear hurricanes ablowing.
I know the end is coming soon.
I fear rivers over flowing.
I hear the voice of rage and ruin.

Chorus
All right!

Hope you got your things together.
Hope you are quite prepared to die.
Looks like were in for nasty weather.
One eye is taken for an eye.

Chorus
Chorus

=============thought i got the video here --not. -- i'm just exhausted. sorry.


///////////////////////////////////////////////////

didn't i tell you it would be a hell day today for me? well, if you missed it-- it's in the below post, from this morning. now, i'm sure some of you will say "be careful what you say--"
others may say--"you could have started your day over at any time."
well, at least those are some of the re-butts ya hear in alcoholics anonymous, when a person is being negative. and i was in my morning post. but it was the truth--- and the truth hurts sometimes.

sooooooo anyways---- it was too late for either -- from the moment i woke up til-- this moment-- that i happen to STILL be awake.
this day sucked for just about everyone-- and everything i know. that's not many, we all know that-- but - hell day, it was. and not only for me.
it sucked for the entire family. even the dogs had a rough day. shit, the cats even had a crappy day. and so did thing 2 -- the girl from the mall who witnessed soulman tackle assclown. UGH. what a fiasco. i know that's not the right word, but ya have to admit-- it sounds better than "nightmare.
right?

where the hell do i start though? there's just soooo damn much to tell. well... prolly most , i shouldn't even put here-- but -- this is what i do-- and if it's too -- "whatever" ---for anyone -- well.. skip it eh?

hmmm,well, that rude little quip just answered my question. "start from the beginning." isn't that what "they" say? i'm not sure i remember the beginning of this day. or the middle-- and i can't really say that it's even ended yet-- cuz i haven't been to sleep. i woke up monday at about 8 am...and now it's tuesday--and, almost 515 a.m. ugh.

i'm beginning to think i should just shut up. and draft save--or delete this post. but then again..i've already invested a lot of time in this-- so i spose i'll just finish it and leave it, and let the shit fall where it may.

ok.. folks-- here we go--> the beginning, pretty much started last night. so let's go there for a while. (originally i started with the animals-- but moved them down.. in priority order-- i think.)



<----------- that pic ovah there? that would be my child: " incognito soul jr." (sushi is her "mask"). well.. anyone who knows a damn thing about an alcoholic or an addict, knows that recovery-- quitting use of such things-- all of it-- not just one or the other; we all know it isn't will power. it isn't anything less than a spiritual thing. not always God to ALL 12 steppers--- but a higher power... to me it's God, and to most it is God... to some it could be any number of things. i had a friend overseas--- her HP, was "the ocean". (yes i know, i saw your eyes roll) -- but she was a good person, and if that's what she beleived in-- it is what helped her lose her craving for alcohol. well.. sk-jr is having some trouble in the higher power department. with that problem... that is , if i am looking for an excuse--- is preventing her from staying off the drugs and shit. yes, she relapsed--again. she did at about 40 days--- then this weekend she had about 100 days clean and sober--- and she used and drank. and it breaks my heart to watch. i am happy that she told us--about both times, at least we can get her help when it happens, or get her to a na meeting. but i'm begining to wonder. is she gonna be one of the ones who doesn't make it???? i can't help but think that way. it is killin me. just killin me. and tonight-- which was actually last night--- her and her dad got into a screaming match. that hasn't happened in a long time. i have been just loving the way she has been treating both of us. hugs, kisses, calm level tone when she talks to us. no one has yelled or even had to in three months. not daily anyhow. and NUTHIN like last night. i don't know how my --- our---lives became this way. but while they were arguing....i'll get to the "STUPID WHY" in a few. anyhow-- i had a damn migraine--- i don't even know if it was a new one or the one from this morning--i mean yesterday morning. all i know- is my head HURT. and nothin was helping it--and them SCREAMING at the top of their lungs--- ugh-- i wanted to just go somewhere in my car--- i just didn't know where--- so ya know what i did???? i called the cops! i sure did. they came out-- one talked to hubby, and one talked to jr. kinda the good cop bad cop too. the kid got the firm, threatening, fear of jail and God put into her---and soulman, he got the one that was able to calm a 300 pound extremely hurt and angry man. ugh. oh? me? anyone wonder that part? i went to my "happy place"--- it's not really a happy place-- it's just a blank place-- it's dark and music plays, and i can't hear my surroundings. much. anyhow the cops got them both settled down (speaking in different rooms.) and they left. it aint over tho-- i know it aint over. there is more to this story-- but i won't fault them any more than i already have. but i do have good reason to be afraid for my kid. and it tears me apart. maybe it always will. i can only pray NOT. so anyhow--- what started the drama???? soulkid had just got home from a outpatient group meeting--- she was in a good mood, she hugged me, she talked to me, she got ready for bed---it was late-- like 1030 or 11pm... (it was like 130 when i called the cops.---anyhow-- yep it was 1130-ish, and the kid that went to group with soulkid---her mom called--- she told soulman, her daughter had taken "a bottle" of anti depressents !!! RIGHT after--or before getting home from counseling?!!! she called from the emergency room. we can assume and hope that they got there soon enough. God, i hope she's ok. So-- soulman was only going to ask soulkid about it-- did the kid go anywhere, talk to anyone-- say anything? etc. and that was that-- the kid blew up on her dad. he is a big man, and he will not be yelled at by a 14 yr. old-- especially over this kinda thing. it was 130-- after they had argued back and forth-- killing my head--- and soulkid runnin down the street--- at 1230-- omg it was horrible to witness-- but i thank God -- once again..that hubby is not abusive to her. i couldn't handle that, if they hit each other--or if he hit her. i drove out and picked her up-- the fight continued the cops were called-- they went to bed---and needless to say i am ruined for the day. one more thing-- well... i'll have to write a part two--it won't be near as long as this, but i'm friggin blind and alarm hell is starting. but when you hear MY monday morning--and combine it with my monday night--- it's just frickin BS. and i just don't kknow what to do. except for now-- i gotta pee-- so i do hope y'all have happy days out there. no tellin what this day will send my way first of all the cats were out of food until like 7 pm. poor babies were starved, but that was the first chance i had to get more food. they did love me for it tho. now, if only we could keep sushi from gettin her dumb ass up on the table to eat it-- things in that department might be just a bit better. next, we'll move on to Eevee... our poor poor eevee. i'll put a short video of her up here, so yall can see just how healthy she looked and was maybe a year or so ago--it was taken before we got her-- obviously. she was a champion shutzhund dog... full of life , love, and energy.
eevee at her best

(the video screwed up-- it plays but only about 15 seconds of it..it's still cool)

then someone else kept her for a while-- and they abused her. when we got her she was still full of love and life etc... but it is very obvious that someone has abused her in the past. she's getting to trust us all more now-- and of course--- i did what i said i wouldn't-- i feed her-- i water her-- i love her-- i put her out to potty-- i am her mommy. and i did not ever want to love another dog after losing midnight. but here i am, in love with eevee-- and her with me. she is soulmans dog-- she just sees me more . so-- a couple nights ago- i was sittin on the floor sorting through some tax papers... when eevee came over and sat on me. :)) she does that often, but only on the floor-- or my legs if i'm at the desk. but we were on the floor and she rolled over for a belly rub. how could i refuse? she's such a sweetheart. so i was rubbing her belly-- and i noticed a lump. not just any lump. not a mole-- not a tick... it is a LUMP -- it is the size of a lime?! and it is on her breast! do dogs get breast cancer? it is huge.
not to be crude -- sorry if you take it that way-- but the best way to describe the way it feels?---- it feels a lot like testicles!!! no shit. we are worried sick-- but y'all know--well, some of you-- that we aren't allowed to take her to the vet-- or certainly a possible surgery or biopsy -- or whatever----- without the consent--- not to mention the money-- from the co-owner. so holy shit peeps.



if we lose another dog ...(i aint even gonna finish that sentence.) it better NOT happen THIS month tho-- nuthin else bad better happen this month. i'm barely scrapin by as it is.
(i don't have a pic of her lump-- but you see the video--and that's a pic from a couple months ago. )

it all just makes me wanna go fishin. the weather has been pretty good here lately-- out of the last seven days we pushed 70 degrees at least four of them. today was one of em too. i just had too much goin on, and too much on my mind to even consider it. well, i did consider it-- but i am just too far behind on shit to spend time fishin right now. dammit.
it really seems like forever since i--or we-- have been fishin. and man-o-man, i miss it.

i feel a bad day comin

i slept late today--- like two hours longer than i planned to. and i am supposed to be somewhere at 9. will i make it? i have no idea. i have to take a shower, and a bunch of other crap before i can leave-- and i have to have half an hour driving time. soooo-- this being fort worth-- YOU do the math. ugh. my clock (which is my phone) is hereby fired ! i haven't heard it or woken up to it in months.
i shouldn't complain tho-- cuz most of the last 13 years..i didnt even need an alarm. but since most days i do now-- i must have a clock my deaf ears can hear.




in a way tho, i'm glad i didn't wake up at 3 or 4 today.. cuz <----- THAT is how i felt when i got up-- not to mention



<----- THIS too. late, and in pain. my head feels---felt like it was gonna blow off my shoulders--- and my frickin back has been hurting, and having that burning nerve shit goin on for days. i have pain meds... they do help-- but i have sawed thru them so fast lately due to this crap--- that i broke down and got aspirin a few days ago. i KNOW i'm not supposed to take it-- and i haven't in months... not since i was told i had a belly bleed , and never to take it--or derivatives ever again. but i just can't stand the pain anymore. the measly 30 pain pills a month i do get-- rx'd every 4-6 hours--- ha!.. do the math there too--- that doesn't work. i do take about 2-3 a day-- so yep-- within 10-12 days -- they're gone-- so what happens the next two weeks of the month? yep-- i suffer. so-- i had to get the asperin-- which---on blood thinners alone is a no-no...so-- ugh. i just hate fuckin doctors. all of them. selfish motherfuckin bastards--- all they worry about is themselves. i really don't see how a dr. could get in trouble rx'ing long term meds to someone who really needs them. pain alone causes someone to be depressed--- and i can't say it doesn't just drive me mad. ok , i'm done with that rant--this time. i just suppose this is as good as it gets... and i spose that has to be good enough. so i'll move to goodenough rd. maybe it'll remind me too stop bitchin.






and just accept that this is how i will look and feel ... until ---
well.. just until .






like it---- or not.
it's the life i was given... and perhaps this really is as good as it gets. so i may as well get used to it.


and on that happy note--- i am outta heah!










see ya latah peeps---
have happy days in your worlds today!

i'll get back to you on mine...

the rest of the storeeeeee - - -

howdy peeps-
i would say good mornin, but -
well... it isn't morning yet--
technically at least.
it's 4:30 a.m. - my my how time flies!

i don't remember what time i went to bed/sleep--
but i do know i woke up around 2 a.m.
y'all know how much i love that.
erg!

i thought i'd get a drink of water and go back to bed--
did it happen that way?
ummm... obviously not.
cuz here i sit-
talkin to y'all.
beats talkin to myself i reckon eh?

so anyways---
lots of folks are askin for the details of the words exchanged the other night between soulman and assclown.
well...

[hold on i neeed mo' coffee :)) ]

k. i'm back.
i decided i'd had enough coffee--
so i switched to something i 'think' i invented-
back in the day when i gave up alcohol.
'club soda, with grape juice-on ice.'

may not sound good to you-- but hey,
'don't knock it til ya try it.'

ok where were we?

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[

ahhhh yes... some questions and comments on our eventful evening at the mall.
well--- i did answer a lot more than i planned to in the comments below-- but i'll go ahead and write any more that i think of here.
so check the below post comment box too..if'n ya want.


////////////////////////////////////////////////////

first, let's all start with a belated happy birthday to BRAD!
woo hoo
happy birthday Bradly---
hope it was the best ever!



Click Here For Myspace Graphics at GraphicsHunt.com - Myspace Layouts


++++++++++++

NEXT -- smocha with her "20 questions" :))

she wrote :

I want details of what ya'll said to the shitass!
Boy do I wish I could have been there to see it. Damn ,I miss everything. I bet Soulman WOULD scare the doody right our of some punk kid.
--- HOLY CRAP, NO KIDDIN... ... BAMBI- lol

*
yep--
funny yet scary all at the same time--
but i told ya-- or someone-- i can't say too much on here.

never incriminate yourself in a panic. just never write anything down, and never post it.

*

Next, did soulman think 2 tell her parents this tale ? If so, what did they have to say about their kid witnessing such an event?

*

SHE SAID IT DIDN'T BOTHER HER, AND SHE THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY! HAHAHA--- HER MOM WAS HAPPY ABOUT IT TOO. [oops/caps]

*

Did the original Soulkid hear the tale? What did she say about it?

*

SHE WAS THRILLED , AND PROUD OF US. :))

*

Dang, am I the only one this nosey?

*

APPARENTLY NOT :))

*

Well, I hope you guys feel some relief after your confrontation:)

*

--- WE DO!

*

---[ well, surely you are aware of the fact, smocha, that if i were to repeat the what was said- -- especially in writing--- it just may not go over too well, if found by the wrong person. ya know. that's about all i can say on that part-- i can't quote the soulman, cuz i heard nuthiiiing. :))

*

[as for telling thing 2's parents--- hubby did call her on our way after dealing with asshat hell. only to let her know that he wanted to talk to her when we got there-- and that NO, it didn't involve her child. --- good lord, half the parents in this town.. and radius of twenty miles have been affected by this guy-- and the trust level and fear quotient involving "our" kids, has been -- damaged, to say the least.

SO, we get to her house and we all pile in. "mom's" at the door with the "omg, what now" look on her face. again soulman reassured her that her daughter was good, BUT-
he then proceeded to tell her about the event with bastard child. yes , he did apologize to thing 2 for witnessing his actions... and he explained he wanted 'mom'; to hear it from him rather than the teenhead version. he was sorry. it was a pretty dramatic thing. so anyhow--

== of course soulkid heard the tale-- she was thrilled. she hugged me when she got home, and told her dad "she was so happy he did that". she called him "a beast"-- in a good way-- and thought that him tackling this punk , in her defense-- was the most awesome thing he has ever done.

that fucker broke her heart and spirit--- and i do believe that she feels vindicated . and she's proud of her dad.. "the beast". LOL
and me too-- cuz her friend who was with us, told her how i got up in his dumbass face too. i'm cool now too , in the eyes of soulkid-- what a concept.

////////////////////////////////

thing 2's mother was also happy about it. i'm sure the size of soulman makes every parent involved happy about this--- because y'all know-- a 100 pound soaking wet little child molester-- up against a 300 pound very angry ,"stranger" --- can be no less than terrifying. dontya think?? bwa hahahahah.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

hiya joz--
oh ya-- he's had it comin-- and there IS more where that came from. but we don't want jail. hopefully one of the children he plays with is tougher than him, and kicks HIS ass. wouldn't that be somethin? oooh i can't wait to see him after every freakin piercing gets pulled out of his stoopid face!

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

DDD-

all the ? smocha asked have been answered.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

well , there ya have it---

"The Rest Of The Story"

poor paul harvey ,
with his tag line and popular radio show--
"the rest of the story"

he has recently died at the age of 90.
i wrote about him once a while back-
i think i would like some of his shows on tape--well, cd.

]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

NOW, if only i could manage to stay awake on this thing i might be alright.
i haven't done so well on this-- falling asleep every ten minutes.
(if you attempted a read earlier---
i do hope this time makes a bit more sense.
sleep blogging is just not a good thing to do.
X

so anyhow-- i better go-
that's about all i got for now
i'm tired.
happy days to y'all

holy bat hell soulman

SO. who wants to hear a story?
i already know Brad does...cuz he requested one.
he said if i got bored i should tell him a story.
not that i'm that bored,
seein as it has taken me about three hours
-- no kiddin--
to gather and edit the pix that go with this story.
but-- i'll tell the story anyhow.

[this is NOT fiction]

"Soulman and the unfortunate wretch of an assclown "

how's THAT for a title? kinda shows ya that it MUST be non-fiction.

ok, ready? let's get goin... i'm not really prepared to tell a story in story form. it's been a while since i did that.. but i will try.


no-- i won't. i just don't have it in me right now. i was up til 3 a.m last night-- along with soulman. and up at 7 or 8. BUT-- no-- sorry folks-- this isn't that kinda story.
that's too bad really. it woulda been a whole lot less stressful.

do i have your attention yet? i'm thinkin i do.

alrighty then. our evening began last night at around 6 pm. it was to be a relaxing evening out. Soulkid had her own plans, so it would be just me and the soulman.

first, we picked up a friend of the soulchild, and we headed to the mall. yep. i actually ventured out to mall hell for the evening. not for any shopping or crowd bashing.. no-- the plan was to let thing one and thing two go their way, and soulman and i were going to the movies.

THAT'S not where we had any problems. we gave the soulkid some cash, and they headed off into teen hell. really-- i had no idea over 100 kids would be hanging around at this mall . they were everywhere. literally. like fleas! and most without parents. not that i'm complaining. we turned ours loose too. i just was surprised, because i don't usually see that many kids anywhere at one time--other than school - or somewhere.

it was like a fresh first deep breath out of a coma [i'm guessing :)) ] ... simply to be away from the house, on a not too chilly evening, kidless. i almost felt like an adult.
the movie was good. it was not what either of us had expected really; but we both did enjoy it. the humor in the movie was welcomed as well. it's been a while since we've laughed like that. in fact-- the entire theater was laughing -- not throughout of course, but seriously-- aLOT.

oh , i bet you wanna know what movie it was???? it was THIS one -

'and i highly recommend you see it'

now. onto our story. this is a story with a small cast of characters, and a large amount of emotion.

the movie let out at about nine thirty or so, and we were to meet up with the girls at ten. we decided to walk over to the book store and kill some time, rather than just stand around looking old in this open mall overflowing with tweens and teens.
first on the list before the book store though, was i wanted a cigarette; so we walked over to the car and went ahead and parked closer to the theater while i smoked one.
cigarettes do taste better after you haven't had one for a while; dontcha think? i do. except for the fact that i have been smoking non stop since we left the mall . i didn't sleep smoke tho.

well, we walked into the book store, which was also packed with teeny boppers. they made soulman and i both have near panic attacks. they were everywhere, squeeling, and acting stupid, and being in our way as we attempted to choose a magazine to buy. i wanted to roll with my inner bitch and "queen earlene" each and every last one of them within ear shot --- or striking distance. but, i maintained myself. i also rescued soulman, in my own little way. i asked him to go buy me a coffee, while i went to pay for the magazine i got-- surprisingly in the midst of the brat pack.
we met up again and got the hell out of there, only to realize that we still had a little bit of time to waste before meeting the soulkids. we used that time to catch our breath from being in the store with twice the bodies it should hold by the fire department regulations. and you know, i lit a smoke. so much for quittin eh? hey, i tried. i was almost there too-- til the chantix made me lose my mind. i'd rather smoke thank you.

finally, we get a call from soulkid. she wanted to go stay the night with a different friend she met up with , and we were still responsible for taking soulkid two back to her house. (yes i know-- don't say it)
so first, we talked to soulkid3's mother before sending the original soulkid off with them. then we loaded up in the soul wagon to take soulkid 2 home. that all sounds ok. right?
well. not quite. there's a little something i failed to mention there.

y'all remember the 18 year old little punk that i have mentioned a time or two here don't you? well, the little bastard has had a birthday recently, and is now 19 years old.
YES, 19. AND he STILL hangs out with - has sex with - and supplies drugs and alcohol to 12-16 year old KIDS.

does that still upset me? oh ya.
soulman? most definitely !
and don't you just know,
ASSCLOWN, has been fearing an angry dad for some time.
OR -- could he be THAT stupid, for real?

are ya gettin the gyst of things yet? oh i know some of you have it by now.
yepperz. remember when we were trading kids around in front of the theater? the tres soulkids informed us that the 19 year old little fuck was there! somewhere in range that two of the most pissed off parents in this town could finally confront him.

--- i do want to say his name-- but i won't.

let's just call him the little bastard, or, the little fucker. or, how bout just whatever comes to my mind? ugh. i only have to think about him, and i almost spontoniously combust!

back to the scene now....
soulman, myself, and thing 2, were loaded up and headed home.
remember thing 1 = being soulkid -- went home with a different friend.
soulman asked thing 2 who was sitting in the back seat of the soul wagon,
"if you see this kid, will you tell me?"
"sure."

it was almost funny. this 'little fuck' has not made life any easier for thing 2 either. she had no idea what might transpire if we were to see him, but just a moment later, she points to two boys, walking across the street right in front of us! she says
"there he is, the one in the hat!"

if i didn't know better, i would have thought that soulman was gonna run over him. he almost did. he sped the car up, and stopped hard a mere foot from him. little bastard was like a deer , frozen in the headlights for a moment before the two boys continued walking.
by their third step, soulman threw the car into park, and leaving the engine on, flung the door open and ran over and threw little fucker to the ground. he had no where to go, as there was a small pipe fence behind him. which his head most likely hit when he fell.
so, soulman asked are you "so and so".. he asked him three or four times and the kid denied it as many, finally saying his name was john.
of course, we had the girl with us, and she said, "no, it's HIM".
soulman towered over this punk, like the hulk would tower over bambi!
punk boy was drunk, and trying not to show fear. he would grin or smile-- which only made soul-hulk more angry. you wouldn't like him when he's angry.

no sooner did soulman have him on the ground, did a large-but not as large, man as soulman - stopped and tried to break them up. not physically, but he was calm and reminding soulman, STFU dude-- even words can get you in trouble. not a quote, but after he said it ten times it may as well have been. the man who stopped, did SAY - "he's just a kid.." That is when his demeanor changed-- when we both answered with a "he's 19!" in unison. the guy still didn't want a fight to ensue, but he was no longer willing to get in a fight himself, in order to stop this "thing" between a very big man, and a scrawny little fucker who was 19 years old-- and who by now he knew ALL about. because for ten minutes or so soulman was --- i don't know. he never once hit him, or choked him.. he did have a maybe a collar hold on him...and at one point, flung him up like a pice of yarn to his feet from the ground. by this time i began to be more worried that he would hit him,
and i didn't want him to. y'all know i really do want this kid to have a hurtin put on him... but you also must know--- i don't want any of us soul-peeps in jail to have it happen.

so-- i decided i would "intervene", a little. with little fucker on his feet now, i could see a can top sticking out of his jacket pocket. without saying a word, i took it out to see what it was. if it was alcohol.. i --- thought maybe i could throw it at him, and break his nose. perhaps. we all feel tougher til we face something, right? well, luckily , it was an energy drink, and i just placed it back into his pocket. it wasn't like he could do anything to me-- or anyone else for that matter, because soulmans hands didn't leave this turd the entire time.

i could tell things were coming to an end when soulmans' voice quit shaking from anger-

but i still had the fear that soulman was gonna choke or punch him. so did the other two bi-standers. his FIFTEEN year old friend he was with, and our good samaritan. thing two was still in the car-- she never did exit either. (ohhhh if she was our kid-- this woulda been an entirely different story.") we are angry enough now, one more grain of salt in these wounds would make a lot of difference.
i just couldn't leave what may well be my last opportunity to say what i had to say to this little bastard motherfucker. so i let him have it. "gran-gran/queen earlene/soul"
let's just say---- i don't think we'll be seein that little shithead anywhere near our house , or our kid again. if we do, he is even dumber than we thought.

we didn't tell him, although he asked over and over who our kid was--- we have a feeling he has figured it out by now. i have to say i am worried about our house, and our vehicles... in case he decides to vandalized something. i really don't think he has the guts to attempt to fight soulman... little PUKE. even i would have no fear goin up against that bastard. not in defense of my kid-- even some of her friends. this guy is a sick puny fuck, and i'm tellin ya-- it may not be us-- but he will get what's comin some day--- from someone.

and when that happens---

and i hope he spends a very loooong time behind bars---
as someonebodys' lovah :))

[the not so very end.]

it's "howdy dudy" time!

mornin folks!

i shoulda been a weather guesser -- know why? cuz i would think i could do a better job than these people do around here lately.

have a look-

what's wrong with this picture?

69.6 °F

Overcast
(27 minutes ago)

(forecast for friday?)

59° F | 38° F

yep-- it's like 6:45 in the morning--and already almost 70 degrees... the sun is even comin up--ohhhh NO- i am not complainin about that. it's just that if you look at the forecast - for today-- we are already ten degrees above the predicted high for the entire day. how stupid. what kind of education do these people need-- or get?




yesterday was off too-- strangely, also by ten degrees. you won't believe how hot it got. we hit 95 degrees yesterday! in frickin february.



did i go outside---ummmm no.
i really regret that-- but i was very busy with other crap -- that my mind tells me cannot wait an hour or two. ugh. so-- that would be a resounding "NO, i did not." -- on the did i go fishin yesterday question. dammit. but i'm goin today. well, i hope to. i'll get back to you on that. cuz i do still have a ton of shit to do.













plus, i was thoroughly exhausted-- from no sleep the night before-- and no nap all day either-- i really hate the not sleeping part of this crap
-- but then.. there are times-- could go on for weeks-- that i sleep too much-- like 15 - 16 hours a day if i include a four or five hour nap.









this bi-polar shit really is for the bears :))












AND THEN-- there's soulkid bein home all all day, which is like havin "pig pen" from charlie brown here all damn day.. leavin little messes every damn where -- for , yep, you guessed it--












ME to clean up my horrid kitchen..etc-- that didn't get done yesterday. well, the dishes did, but ya couldn't tell now. ERG!






SO--- my plan of the day (POD) for today is .. well, i should actually be ready to go by now--to group-- that lasts til noon--but usually doesn't really get out til 12:20-12:30..
so half the day is gone already by the time i leave there.
then i "could" take care of my business-- post office, pay a couple late bills in person . -



AAAND--- the dreaded come home and clean my sty-- ugh-- soooo fun!















OR-- i could wear shorts--and vans --load my fishin rods and tackle--on the way to group-- and head straight to my pond after i'm done there. and just fish til i turn blue!




hmmm...... it doesn't take a genius to figure that one out--does it?



besides----- i need to get UP offa my lazy arse-- the new meds are makin me FAT! and don't even say it's not true-- i got weighed at the doc-- i have already gained six pounds!
somebody haelp me!!!!







welp--- on that happy note-- i must go get ready and hit the road runnin. specially if i gotta load fishin gear.

HAPPY FRIDAY PEEPS!
(nanannanana)

it's 3 a.m. - ish ...

and it is 67 degrees outside! -- if it wasn't dark, i would be on my way to the pond right now! but-- obviously, it's dark, and will be for several more hours.
(well, not counting the twenty minutes i just wasted in my ADHD distraction.... focus, soul. dammit.)

so anyhow--- where was i. hmmm, nowhere really yet eh? oh fishin. i hope i can make that happen, and still be productive around here-- not a whole lot has been taken care of house -wise this past week... but my business stuff is gettin there. that stuff just fries my brain, and by the time i am ready to stop workin on the money-or lack thereof-- i'm ready for my jammies, and to just get comfortable somewhere. so, no extra activities--or chores are gettin far . but i do what i can, when i can. seems like the best way to find the finish line, ya think?

well anyhow.. "today" - seein as i haven't slept at all -- wednesday-- it's still kinda "today".. ugh.
well... it started ok-- well, except for the panic attack-- but ike i said hubby called before i totally freaked. so that was a help.
after that, i got ready and left for the group thing. at that time i was feelin pretty ok.
well--- til later. i ended up in the hot seat again. only the second time-- but it's just never comfortable there. i don't offer up much in group--- so i get called on now and then.. today was one of those now- or - thens.
some of you know i'm comin pretty close to one of my "bad" months-- or time of year i should say. for several years, i would end up in a hospital around this time of year. it took about five years to realize that--- but once i did--- it changed. i became more aware of the triggers, and the thinking, and decided to just try to get through on my own..well..with meds of course. (RX).
this time-- i will admit i'm a little more concerned than i have been in the last few--or couple years. just because i am still stabalizing on new meds--- i'm trying to get passed all this shit i just went through with my kid and myself-- and no folks-- soulman is not immune to stress or pain--- he just handles it better than us girls. hmmm, or not. maybe i should just say he handles it differently-- not so much better. but he has never had to be admitted for psyche over any of this. i gotta give him kudos for that---- i have seen him on the brink-- but he pulls himself out-- eventually. it's just a little tough during the waiting process.

oh hell.. here i go, blabbin away like i know what i'm talkin about. ugh. i haven't slept at all tonight. i was just settling in, i had taken my meds, i prolly woulda shut down everything and been asleep by 1130 --- IF --- circumstances wouldn't have prevailed.

i don't even know how to explain it-- so i won't even try--- but i will say-- it had to do with my two souls. one picked a fight with the other-- for no apparent reason.. except to that particular soul peep. UGH. i just don't understand what went down between them... but for me? it was all over with. my drowsiness from the meds--and time-- had all but flip flopped on me. another freaking panic attack for the day. the yelling around here has settled down so much this last month or two-- that i have just learned--or am learning to be more calm---sometimes. but tonight-- jees-0-pete, man. i had to get up-- go in my office--get online--get some headphones and tunes goin. i had to escape-- and since the xanax didn't do it-- welp-- here i am, at 343 am. ha, dammit, if i woulda watched the time-- i might have made it by 333. :))

anyhow. i just don't know what to say.
i guess i'll make some coffay-- i shall return.. hopefully with a new or fresh thought in this empty head of mine.

i'm back. nuthin fresh-or-new came to mind. well, my coffee is fresh--and new. does that count? thought not. oh well.

so anyhow. i think i'm kinda stuck here. i spose i'll go and finish up payin some bills, etc.....
today is gonna be another really nice day-- a little cooler but not much--- i can still don my shorts and vans-- and go fishin !
i'm even gonna "make" soulkid go with me. she doesn't like to fish-- but if or when she does-- she realizes "catching" them is pretty cool.

i'll update later

til then
ore vois peeps

another busy day ahead --

howdy folks--
i'm writing something i didn't plan on writing when i started--- but that's just me, and how my mind works these days.
i already had some of these pix up, so maybe i'll just work both ideas into this thing. yep-- it's early-- ok, not so early, but my brain just hit overdrive---

did i ever mention to y'all that i have PTSD?? well, i'm sure i have , somewhere along the way here--- BUT, one part of this diagnosis is-- the sound of sirens. depending on where my family is , or sometimes where i am... it can cause mild, to severe panic attacks with me.

this is due to something that happened years ago-- that i don't have time or effort to get into right now--- but trust me, it's valid... and it sucks.

so-- gettin on with this thing--

soulman just left for work-- maybe ten minutes before i began to hear sirens. LOTS of sirens. it had to be cops, ambulance, fire truck - paramedics. the whole shebang.,and they were close-- and loud.
i went straight into my panic mode-and thinking--

he got in a wreck.. it's him.. i should drive over and look down the street--- a hundred thoughts went thru my head in a matter of seconds. i HATE IT! i have been this way for about 20 years. it's a fear, and panic that even anxiety meds don't help. (much), but right now, i am not on any meds-- (note to self--take a.m. meds) :))

so anyhow--- the sirens --- ugh --- i just new it was close--whatever "it" was-- and must be bad cuz there was so many.

eegads! y'all just don't know what it does to me.

one of two "moods" will overtake me today---

THIS?
or THIS_

BUT-- hey ---
luckily soulman is well aware of my panic disorder-- and many of the triggers for it..

so, before i could worry for too long---
he called me.. to let me know-- it was right down the street--- but it was not him.
PHEW.

apparently a highschool girl was driving in front of him...
and flipped her car!!!!
OMG. how scary--
(having a hubby and an almost driving kid--
i don't even wanna think of car wrecks!)
anyhow he said he stopped---of course-- and helped her out of her car-- called 911 etc...
her parents showed up while we were on the phone.
apparently she wasn't hurt-- but i'll bet she's gonna be feelin some pain later.

so anyhow--- her windows fogged up-- and she couldn't see-- and ended up on her side in a concrete culvert.
she was just inexperienced---
she shoulda stopped --or rolled her window down... or any number of things to clear her windshield ---

SO--
note to moms and dads- with driving kids---
add foggy window solutions to your list of --
"if this happens while you're driving-isms.

and be sure to tell 'em , before
THAT happens.

=============================================

anyways , i am late gettin ready to go , so i gotta get offa heah---

but THIS-

was gonna be my original post for the day----
i had planned on bitching about hubby and his x-box 360 addiction.
but i think i'll just be glad he is ok today-- and the girl in the wreck is ok---
and it can ALWAYS be worse---
no matter wth, you think is so bad.

happy humpday!!!