Thursday, May 24, 2012

slower than my computer.....

yes i am.  man i just cannot seem to get UP today.  guess i am finally runnin out of gas.  or perhaps have run out of gas.  many of y'all know i have quit smokin recently.  can you believe it?  i can't either!  if you haven't heard yet? it's true.  today is day TEN !  ugh.  i have tried - off and on , diligently, and not so much.. the only thing that ever worked for any length of time for me was pregnancy :)) - and even then, once it was over?  so was the not smoking. 
other than pregnancy?  chantix 'almost' worked. once. til it made me insane.  literally.  drove me straight to a mental ward, in the first two weeks.  i couldn't even speak clearly .  i still don't remember much of what happened while i was in the hospital.  other than a seizure - and a couple bits of conversation.  none of which was anything good.
so.  you wonder what's different this time?
this ---

it's an electronic cigarette .  not the kind ya find at convenience stores though.  i've used those little ones.  they were fine for getting through a movie or dinner.  but the one you see here?  it is a gift from God!  i couldn't make it through a movie at the theater before ,without having a cig.  now i'm ten days without one at all.  and it happened within 24 hours of using this thing.  did i mention ... mothers day -- i smoked THREE packs of cigs -- which was my norm... the next day , i bought my electronic ciggie -- and haven't had a smoke since.  3 packs a day -- to zero. just like that.

and .. the next best part?  my sis, and her bestie -- who have also been trying to quit smoking for many years -- are having me get them one too !!!!  cross your fingers y'all!
mine has already paid for itself in the cigs i haven't bought --   2 cartons of cigs is about what it takes to pay for one.  just think of all the fishin stuff i can buy with alllll the money i don't spend on cigs!!!!!

annnddd i have --- look !

i've been havin a blast !

i have tons more energy, and feel sooooo much better!  i must say tho - it's all catchin up with me, and i'm gettin tired, but i still don't feel as run down as i did two weeks ago.  and guess what else?  my house and even closet smells better !   i didn't even realize how horrible my house and even car smelled until a day or two after i stopped smoking.  and my closet?  no idea that my closet -- which i share with soulman, smelled like ashes.  poor guy.   no more.

it's not craving free tho -- i can tell ya that... but i will also say -- this is the easiest method i have ever tried to -- and i have every bit of faith in it -- well God can't be left out -- i am NOT gonna smoke anymore.  i also thank y'all for backin me up!  your encouragement means tons!!!  

welp-- i could write all day - but soulkid just invited me to lunch -- she's a workin girl again  :))
of course - i bet she'll talk me into payin'  -- just watch -- :))

anyhow --- talk to me guys -- what's goin on in your worlds ???   i been outta touch -- again...  :((

happy thursday!!!

Sunday, May 13, 2012


hiya peeps -

my soul sis requested a story, i don't have one right now - but i'm sure i can come up with somethin when i have more time .  i just wanted to come in here real quick and let ya know i am thinkin of all my mom friends today.  yes sis - that includes you. (btw- call me back!)

ya know , today i have received more 'happy mothers' day's ' - than any other in the past.  i don't know why - but it is very most awesome - in its awesomeness.  obviously my lil soul family would do this - cuz i am z- soul mamma.  :))  but as for friends ?  i don't know about y'all, but i just don't expect this from folks who i am not related to.  so i have to say THANK YOU !!! - big and humble right here.
it means so much this particular year -- i spose because this year, and this past many months, i have had a terrible time dealing with the losses of my two sons.  it has been many years since they 'left ' here.  one would think that a person would just move on already.  some years are better than others i guess.  this past year,  not so much.   today?  no complaints.  i didn't wake up thinking bad or sad thoughts or anything.... but the happy mothers day wishes keep coming ....  and i cannot forget the fact that i am a mom of THREE beautiful babies.   and i also have many - (too many) - friends that i dearly love --- whose message i have to think has that symbolic hug behind it that only a mom who has lost a child knows --
so today i want to say

happy mothers day to ALL the moms out there!!!!!!

but a very special -- happy mothers day to the  moms to the angel babies  --  !  there are no other moms like us!!!

i write this in honor of my angel babies

my very special gift from God

and to all of YOU -- 
i love you !!!

Friday, May 11, 2012


believe that or not - i really am.. just checkin in...

love ya

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Murphey's Law in full force -

it's cuz i am me - as all of you know -
let's take a walk through the past week shall we?

where should i begin?  ok - i know - let's begin with the most epic of all hair fails of my entire existence shall we ---

my soul man has been my hair man for the past oh so many years . y'all know that.  well, most of you do.  he doesn't cut it - but he has always been the one to hi-lite it.  at least since years ago when i paid almost one hundred dollars to have it done professionally - when we were po' .  surprise !  i had NO idea it cost that much til i was done  :((
so soulman became my hair man - as well as soulkids.  unless of course she did it herself - which i am a no talent at.. for her- or me. 

SO - -- a couple days before my birthday - i decided i wanted to be beautiful to go out with the family on birthday night -- oh shut up!

i also decided - instead of hi-lites -
" let's go 'all - blonde ' this time"....
bad idea -- really huge bad idea ---  :))

see???  an hour later -- this is what i discovered on top of my head --

ok- the only thing more irritating than the orange hair is the sideways photo !

anyhow - that night into the next day - there were several attempts to save my hair - both from soulman - who felt so terrible i can't even tell you... even tho - we both were LOMFAO !!
if i woulda been upset i know he woulda been too - i just wasn't -- it was too funny to be mad.  it reminded myself of those lil hillbilly dolls from the 50's - they were ceramic -- anyhow -- it really was worth a laugh,  to see soulman , and even me laugh like that -- i would go through it again !

so- he tries one or  two more times to get rid of the orange -- no help -- -- i give up! it was late - i go to bed -- 

next day -- soulkid in all her kindness gives it a try ---

it does help -- some of the orange came out and it did tone down some of the screamin flamin orange
 but this is what i ended up with -- TWO days before my birthday outing -  -- 

along with SURPRISE delivered b-day flowers from my mommyson!
my soulkid did a great job i think - but still -- just not ME. this is not soul. i can't be the bitch we all know and love with hair like that.  there is no 'gran - gran' there. don't y'all agree?  

so - i get on the internet - searching frantically for a save my head in a hurry - discount dye job.  surprise! through all this - i found one - only one mile from my house!  same day save me!
the day before my birthday!  

y'all may not understand the importance of THIS particular birthday - for me -- even tho i am an old hag - of 46 -- many of you may not realize that THIS was the one that i finally came to understand that LIFE actually means something.  i was gonna make this b-day special for all three of us lil souls.
(i'll get to that later --) but it is truly unbelievable how close i have come to literally dieing just in the past five years.  the latest being the recent fall in the tub.  as stupid as it was - and may have sounded - as hard as i fell. and as hard as i hit my head -- combined with how ill i was?  that was a near fatal fall.  and i am for once grateful to have lived through a close call.  
SO - back to the hair fail --  i found my savior -- or had i?
 ciggie break in my car -- truly an addict :((

i DID!  it took two hours and a lot of patience from both of us - but she saved my head !  
it wasn't cheap , and i won't be paying a salon any time soon - i trust my soulman .. but i will NEVER let him touch bleach again :))
(i have no now pic - i tried - and i have puffy fish morning face - BAH!)
but it IS back to 'normal' - the brownish normal - 
hi- lites are still in my future- when my fried hair has time to heal  :))

SO -- moooovin on to part two of murphys law joins me for my birthday ??
k - all is goin well , my hair is better, i feel better -- for a minute -- then what?  my legs give out on me.  oh man i can't explain the pain in words -- but i was in hell !!!!  and we had plans -- and nothin was gonna stop me -- not this time.....  we forge on...  
first stop? dinner - a steak house -- i'm gettin my favorite cut -- a rib-eye !  YUMMO -- right?   wrong.  the food comes and my steak is nearly more than well done.  dry as a bone.  soulmans?  omg!!  delicious! perfectly cooked.. juices runnin all over his plate....  soulkids food? of course she loved it.  i don';t cause a scene -- i have a few bites of soulmans steak - and send mine back -- i don't have a ' meal'.   it was fine -- i had eaten an appetizer and salad already - and really it was 'fine - but a steak - properly cooked , woulda been better.  so -= we forge on --  
second stop?  i'm worried i won't be able to smoke at the comedy club where we are headed...  so, we stop at a random store - they are sold out of electronic cigs -  they had menthol-- but i would rather die.
third stop?  another random store - for an e-cig -- not stocked-
fourth stop?  ANOTHER random store - no e-cigs :((
soul is gettin angry -- but holdin steady - 
fifth stop?????  yup- you guessed it --- i go into yet another random store - they don't have an e-cig either--i resign myself and buy a pack of big red chewing gum,  :))
we finally get to the club-- daughter says -- i forgot my drivers license - is that a problem???
-----insert crazy lady laugh here ----- 
(but alas - we are saved because we remember one of had her government ID card. PHEW - that few seconds seemed a lifetime - you know how that is.
so anyhow -- we got into the club no problem --  until -- one last visit from murphy just had to occur - of course it is as you know - because i am me .....
the show was late to get started - so i decide -- to hit the head -- LOL - i just had to say that ! -- i mean i had to go pee - so i head to the bathroom...   the way the place was set up almost was like a scene from a scary movie.  ya go thru this dark hallway to get to the bathroom, at the end -- it's only like 15 ft - or so -- at the end you can see this door - with a tinted window - but ya can see kind of - inside - there is an attendant, and she sees me, and she waves me back.  to go away.  i'm confused.  like WTF? right?  at that time another lady comes in the hallway- and the attendant wanes her to come in.  i ask her have you been here before? she says no. i say wth? she just told me to go away, and you to go in????
dumfounded we both go in....   the attendant says to me 
"i'm sorry, i thought you were a guy, cuz of your hair."

welcome to my world my friends -- 
 my hair looked really good and my family said i did NOT look like a dude.  
the night was the best i have had in a long time - and as far as birthdays?  THE BEST in literally years.
thanks all of you for FB b-day wishes - and phone calls, texts and all that jazz -- i love my peeps 
happy day to all of you ! 
oh - ps --- i just sold my kids car to a junk yard for 300.00  woooooot !!!  blown head gasket.  
i think i should start dating murphy.  what do you think?