Monday, April 30, 2007


hiya peeples...

did anybody miss me?
it was weird to not have a computer or phone for three and a half days...but it was nice. it was almost stress free. i really love to go out there. i wish we could have a week that isn't during the school year, and we could have our entire week. i'm just gonna have to see if i can find somehow to trade my week for one during the summer...but not when it's real hot.
it's funny how much stress these animals really are. just not having to worry about them, or wake up to put the dogs out...or wake up and clean up animal relaxing.
plus hubby did most..if not all of the cooking. which was too kool.
we were gonna grill some steaks for my birthday dinner....but.....we looked in the grill first, and what did we see? look below/

birdie eggs in a nest !!!!
we couldn't move them...or cook them. so we didn't grill. we went out and had chicken fried steak by lake fork. which by the way was a mistake. it didn't sit well. if ya know what i mean. i don't think it was bad meat, just maybe heavier than what we'd been eating lately. so we were kinda ill the rest of the night that night. but we did swing by Lake Fork and try to bank fish a luck. so we went back to the cabin. did i mention that i just love it there?
OH...but our neighbors. my Lord. there must have been like five adults and at least ten kids over there, and they were the noisiest people i have been forced to neighbor with in a very long time. i bet since the NAVY barracks. it was pretty rough. but we lived. and still had a very good time.

we could not talk the kid into fishing with us, but hubby and i fished. did I catch any fish? hell no. not a single one. did he? of course. not many. he got two bass and a perch. one of the bass was just too cool lookin to not take a pic. neither were very big, but this looked pretty cool, so here ya go... i thought he looked kinda jungle camo...

as for me... i got so desperate to catch a fish i even waded waist deep into the lake ...and still no luck...nuthin but fear of snake bite. neither happened. one of these days, i'll get my grrove back.'s the lake we were at

see why i was afraid of snakes? but...i didn't see any..and the water wasn't even cold. pretty lake eh?

ok...oh...after we ate dinner on sunday...guess what we saw... CAMELS! check it out !

check this child actually SMILES, when she doesn't know anybody is looking ! she really loved the camels!

hubby even liked them !

he didn't like them THIS much tho ! LOL

BUT i did !

maybe more !

anyways...we also...went mini golfing...

and I WON..HA HA !!!

and, well that was about it. it was a great time. a very much needed break from life by all.
hope y'all had a good weekend too.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

pics, fish, gettin away, and stuff

ola peep - les


i have freakin shin splints from my stupid running in the storm at school the other day ! i cannot believe how out of shape i am ! shin splints. and they HURT ! worse yesterday, but still pretty bad today too. sucks man!

i noticed something ... i did get some comments on my last post, and i appreciate that. i really hate to spend time posting on this thing, and most of the time, have nobody say a thing about it. but... what i noticed... y'all really don't have to be so darn polite. my daughter didn't want to answer "the question" , and my husband sort of went around it, by saying only... "that's why i try to get you to go out with me, even if you don't have a fishing license right now, you can get some sun." kind, and he does mean well. however , although my child was extremely hesitant, i told her that i see it, and i wouldn't be offended... she finally said that under my eyes, in the indoor picture looked "different".
so... y'all don't have to avoid that question. i already know that i look like death indoors, and outdoors there are signs of life. i am just curious as to why the difference is so noticeable. because really, it is damn strange. i even look heavier outside. how can i "shrink" by just going in the house?

ok... moving on....
here are some more...strange pix.
the first two in the first one, are me and my husband around the same age, and the third in that one is our daughter, also about the same age. my sister said , many years ago, that my husband and i looked like brother and sister ! how funny. but it is kinda odd, we sorta DO! and there is NO denying that that child is OURS. she looks like each of us. people who know me better say she looks like me, people that know hubby better say she looks like him. honestly parts of her, look like each of us.
anyhow..judge for yourselves:

okay... below is another set of similar pix of us. the ones of hubby and i were taken overseas where we met... a little over 16 years ago. and our girl was about 7. (ish)

okay.... wanna see my "big fish" pic? this is probably, no it IS the biggest bass i have ever caught. i didn't weigh him, so i don't really know. maybe 5 Lbs or so. give or take. i'd say give, at least a little. i named him "uncle George", and yes...i threw him back! he was caught in Kansas, several years ago.

how bout that for a beauty fish?

speaking of fishing... we are going to our time share this weekend! my get away .. finally. will be GONE friday afternoon til monday afternoon ! woo hoo. and i get to fish ! no phones, no computers, no dogs, or cats either, no nuthin. just US. and guess what else... it's my birthday. (well, sunday is. ) but... i don't think that's a good thing anymore. i'm getting too old to look forward to birthdays. number 41 ! ACK . oh well. shit happens. just wish me fish ! and lots of em !

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

photos and stuff, and tornadoes ...again

see this cute little dog? well, this is Sushi !

and...see the below picture?

well, once upon a time, those were my slippers !!!! UNTIL Sushi found them...and ATE THEM !!
i told you; she has some issues !

a couple weekends ago...i actually went outside !!!!

AND, yesterday, i got my hair cut !!!!!

And THEN.... in the midst of a bad hair,
i realized something..... CRAP! I REALLY REALLY need to have hubby frost my damn hair ! ASAP !!!!!

(frosted hair photo coming soon)

i did just notice something...can anybody see the difference in my appearance inside, vs. outside?? i see it...and i hate it. i look like death warmed over. (inside) it seems the one taken outside, i just don't look so a ill.
odd huh?


well... i just got out of the bathroom (tornado shelter) , yet again.
seems like i was just in there a couple weeks ago, with my kid and all 4 animals...oh ya...i was! only this time, hubby was in there with us! the sirens were going off and everything. wild!
it's still lightening and thundering....yikes...that was a big one! it stopped raining, and everything settled down, but i have a feeling we will probably be doing the animal round-up again sometime tonight. it's pretty bad.
earlier today, and wouldn't ya know, it was right when i needed to go pick my daughter up from school? right before it was time to leave the sky opened up on us. it was pretty hectic. and of course there were twice as many cars in line at school to get their kids in the bad weather. finally someone rolled by , don't know if it was staff, or a parent, but she drove by all the cars in line, and told us that the school wouldn't release kids until a parent went inside to get them. oh that was just great. it wa POURING rain, lightening, thundering, just insane. so, i had to get out of the car in this mess, and actually run. me! running through a terrible thunder / rain storm, in a tornado watch! i haven't actually "ran" for any reason, in literally years. i bet i looked like a jackass. or better yet, a drunk jackass. but i got in there, and i had to find my kids class...ugh. i finally found it, and by this time i was all anxiety ridden. i just wanted to get my kid home...and soon. but i find her, and she just stands there chattin it up, while i'm there calling her name...trying to get her to move her ass and get the hell home. she obviously didn't realize what was goin on. i finally got her out of there...and had to RUN back to the was that or drown...or even possibly be struck by lightening. my daughter however, was too cool to be seen running across the school yard with her mother. ugh. i was almost at panic attack stage; and she didn't waste ANY time to inform me of how severely i had embarrassed her ! well, excuuuuuse the hell outta me, for trying to get you home before a tornado sucked your ass up quicker than dorothy and toto !
so, anyhow, yep. we got home ok, didn't end up in the bathroom til the few minutes i just mentioned. it was no where near as bad as the friday the 13th one...but it was just as nerve wracking.
so anyhow...needless to say....during the bad weather and having to watch the weather, i did not get my hair frosted. yet. besides i am flat exhausted, and ready to go to sleep. i don't think anything major will happen with the weather..aside from flooding. that has been pretty bad all over today.
well, i just hope i'm not gettin drug out of bed at 3 .a.m to rush into the damn bathroom again.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Boring Much???

where do i begin? i have no idea. perhaps with my weekend entertainment. of sorts.
not in exact order of occurance...just the order in which things come to mind.
i watched a dvd.. EXCELLENT movie. if i wasn't so overly medicated i bet i would have shed a tear or two. it was called "the Freedom Writers".... man it was good. and inspiring. and it's a true story. i really liked it

but.... last night... i watched the dvd... black x-mas. OMG. do NOT waste your time, money , or effort on this FLOP of a "movie". it's a poorly acted, extremely predictable, and gore for the sake of gore movie... it isn't worth a second of anyones time. and i wonder of the many things i could have done instead of "waiting for something to happen"...which btw.. never did. well, nothing i didn't already know was coming. BAD movie. in every way.

i also watched the UFC-70 fight on spike tv. me and hubby both are ate up with UFC. i haven't mentioned that yet. but yep.. i actually like to watch it.
so anyhow... it was free !!! not on pay per view . so of course we watched. and man it was good. every fight was most excellent...except one. quite disappointing...even the announcers mentioned how crappy it was.
oh well. the rest was quite good. and i would have really missed out if we hadn't been able to see it. it was better than many we have paid for!

ok... next... the sopranos. it of course was good...always is. but honestly...i really think it was a bad time to show that particular episode. mainly because of a certain character who emerged. really BAD timing. anyone who saw it, knows what i'm talkin about. so i won't go further.

and last but not least of my "high" points of my weekend... wally-hell....
and boy was it HELL. thank God hubby came a long to help me. we were out of totally EVERYTHING. if he wasn't with me i bet i woulda just broke down and cried ! by the time were finished the cart weighed at least a hundred pounds...and there is no way i could have pushed that damn thing around the store, in my physical condition. i wish they would come out with little motors on grocery carts...for people who aren't quite ready to reduce themselves to a hover-round, but still have problems "pushing" heavy carts. literally, there have been times that i was shopping alone, and have parked a half full cart and LEFT without buying a thing..because i just couldn't physically handle it. which in turn made me all anxious and angry. so anyhow...or final tally???? 240.00 !!! can you believe that? that is almost double what i normally spend. and once again, i wasn't quite prepared for such a grocery/household product bill... but hubby and I both were very grateful for his job when it came time to pay. ugh. wally hell. my favorite place. NOT

OH man... i immediately got a migraine writing that last bit. how weird. i'm under way too much stress. i wish i could go to the bahamas or something. no tv, no computer, no bills, just a real get the hell away thing.

anyhow.... what did y'all do?
above is pretty much all i can remember. LOL. my senile.

Monday, April 16, 2007

just a couple mo pix... for now.

me, sis, and daddy. 1991 i think. my my how we've changed !

me and hubby dec '06 ( i do not know why this is blue!)

things didn't go to well for sis ! LOL!

i am a child of a HERO!


and it only took FORTY years to find out !

Saturday, April 14, 2007


i have spent the entire day in bed... aside from a bath, and the time i spent cooking...which consisted of boiling chicken and noodles...which took little actual effort or time in the kitchen. i also watched charlottes web on dvd with hubby while we ate. but after that, i quickly retreated .. i'm back in bed. i don't plan to be removing myself from this bed until tomorrow either. possibly monday. can anyone say... depressed? well, that, is the word of the day .
perhaps the next word of the day will be "bed sores".

Friday, April 13, 2007

You Are Not Gonna Freakin Beleive THIS


well, i had just finished a little posting, and emailing, then i went for one last email check before shutting down for the night. BUT, wouldn't ya know it.... my last email check...was not good news. not at all. my final paternal aunt, and one of my two favorite, and funnest, and just plain dearest to me, has died. everybody knew it was coming: she was elderly, and quite ill, and also in a nursing home. it's just there were other circumstances.... her daughter, and her daughters' 7 year old daughter had recently been through a severely traumatic event in their lives. they both witnessed a long time family friend beat and stab to death their husband/father...then turn on them and brutally beat them both. they were lucky to have survived themselves. the man who did this was high on crack, and was brought nto their home to be helped by them temporarily. well... this man, within the passed month or two, came to the realization of what he had done to his friends, and other innocent people during a police chase, and while in jail awaiting trial... he hung himself and HE died. and now...this. she loses her mom. on freakin friday the 13th. good Lord. but. she went peacefully apparently. and that is good. she was a good lady who always wanted the best for everybody, and she was always out to make people laugh. i still remember a lot of the silly things she did that got me to laugh. the last time i saw her...she danced in high heels at my dads' pool. she was a great lady. she will be missed. but, as long as i can keep what memories i do have of her...she will keep me laughing.
and ya know... i bet she's up there crackin jokes with my dad and her sisters right now. geesh, it's a virtual family reunion in Heaven! ha.

awwww...hubby just brought me some hot constant comment tea.. to soothe my soul (mange)... he's a sweatheart.

another heapin helpin of friday the 13th !

ya know what? i'm not a supersticeous person. see, i can't even spell it ! but anyways, i gotta admit, this is one F'D up unlucky day. i have never ... ever... ever.... feared, worried about.... or had, as lousy, or perhaps as memorable, a Friday the 13th ... in my near 41 years of this quite unlucky life ! you see, not only did i experience the earlier issues of the day... in the post below this one.... because of course blogger is backwards after all.... BUT.... would you beleive.. well, really you have no choice, because some of you surely have seen the news... we had a tornado ! yes, a tornado. in fort worth texas.. on friday the thirteenth... in the month of april ! wanna guess where i was for half an hour??? after of course.... grabbing two cats, two dogs, and my daughter, and rushing down the hall...... we spent half an hour in a very small bathroom !!!! extremely small. and... wouldn't ya know it... hubby was driving home from work ! his car is all dented up from the baseball sized hail !!! the house sounded like it was being bombed... so of course my girl and i were worried to death about him driving in that crap. the cell phones wouldn't work so i couldn't get through to find out how or where he was. it was a very long .... noisy... anxiety ridden half hour. day. life. whatever.
also, a day i am sure i won't forget any time soon.

but.... time has passed, and right now hubby is cooking dinner... obviously he is fine... little sick... and mad about his car... but it's an OLD car, and my car didn't get messed up neither did his truck or the boat. so it's all good. and of course my girl is okay. she still feels sick, but she was happy her dad got home ok. and her animals are ok. hopefully her meds will kick in soon and she will feel better.
as for me. i just wanna eat and sleep this day out of my mind. i always complain about my bad memory...well, i'll tell ya what... i sure wouldn't mind if i could forget this entire day.

Definately Friday The 13TH

man, i'll tell ya what. this is not a kind day. it is only 2 in the afternoon, and i feel once again like the Lunch Special at Hell's Cafe. I don't even know where to begin, or end with it. i will say though that only like five or ten minutes before i was supposed to leave to go get my daughter from school, to take her to the dr appointment...the dr. office called, and told me that i had to call the insurance company. i only had like 35 minutes til the appointment time, mind you. we both knew i would spend probably that much time on HOLD, but it had to be done. so, what happens? i immediately, that second, before i even hang up the phone with the dr office... i go straight into panic mode. not good. i mean like full blown anxiety attack. (not panic...not the bad/ oh i'm having a heart attack, i'm gonna die one...but the can't think, can't talk, stammering, hands shaking, fast heart beat etc kind of thing.) so anyhow i'm calling the insurance people... i get put on HOLD...of course. i expected nothing less, but it still pissed me off. i sat there for at least ten minutes before a human got on the line. it took another ten minutes to get her to ... what i thought ... to understand what i needed her to do... apparently she did nOT understand. well, she gives me "another" number to call. so... i write down this new number... just to the side of the number i had just called her at... the thing was... as i was writing...and even as i was looking at it to call it...i did not realize something... the number she gave me , was the exact same freakin number i had just called HER at !!! i didn't notice it til i was , yep... on HOLD... for another ten minutes. i got someone on the line... who was apparently stoned. or perhaps, a bit "slow"? i had to get a supervisor before i cracked up. my anxiety was at hospital admission level by this time. i had been on the phone, and now with the third person forever... simply to change primary care provider name on my daughter... is THAT so difficult? it wasn't. it literally took less than four minutes. FOUR! yet i was on the phone for nearly thirty. THIRTY. and i still had to go get my kid from school and to the dr... in like five minutes? wasn't gonna happen. so i was a wreck. a mental case. i already can't think straight enough to drive anywhere. so here i was going some place i've never been. and even with the directions.... yep you guessed it... i got lost..... TWICE! my daughter kept saying.. mom calm down!!! it's not that big a deal. etc etc. she really was trying to help. but i was going mental. mother instilled it in me to NEVER keep her waiting! and in so doing.. i have a terrible fear of being late, or keeping anyone waiting. perhaps the military fed that fear too. but anyhow.. yep it was bad. i was all shakey and frustrated, and confused. blech. well, we did get there. by the way. and being a new patient, of course.. the curse ya know... well i had to fill out a ton of papers... with shakey hands, and no concentration level, not to mention the fact that i was in a rush. what a disaster. i'm surprised they could even read that chicken scratch! soooooo. there we are. all ready. and late of course. so , we wait. and we wait. aaand... we waiiiit. aaaand waaaaait. and our 11 o'clock appt turned into a almost 12 o'clock appt. i hate to be kept waiting! LOL
so anyhow... the first five minutes was spent with the doc walking in and i look at her...and she at me...and i say dumbfoundedly... you look familiar...she do too. so we banter back and forth trying to figure out why/where/ no we finally gave up trying, due to time constraints and gave her attention to the sick child. after all, that was why we were there .
SO.... after some tests, questions, history, etc...and also..she put her on a "nebulizer" machine for a few minutes. it was determined to be bronchitis. (causing asthma like symptoms). earlier in the discussion...the word asthma...... scared the shit out of me ! i also had to discuss my first son dying from asthma..which i don't talk about much at all to anybody. so there i was, already all anxiety ridden, but somewhat calmer than on the ride there...but now... i'm thinking SHIT. i already "lost" one kid to asthma... now does THIS one have it too? can you say PANIC ?????
good LORD. so all the while she's on the nebulizer, i'm having little flashbacks of my son...and flash-forwards of my daughter...and feeling all guilty for being a smoker. and just in full swing panic attack mode. xanax time. but i had to wait. so anyhow.... like i said. after the "neb" thing, daughter could breathe doc said bronchitis was restricting her lungs etc etc/ gave her a bunch of meds, and sent us on our way. with much releif i must say. i am so glad it is not asthma! but that was all i needed to hear to get the kick in the ass i need to , if not quit smoking.. then to at least not smoke around my child. ugh. well. so far, that's about my/our day. throw in some back pain and a tooth ache (oral cyst ache actually) on top of that there panick attack..flashbacks...and sick kid... and what do you get? Friday the 13th of course.
later peeps

what could HALF a finger be good for ???

holding a giant slice of New York Pizza of course !!!!

well, if ya can't scratch an itch... or pick your nose... or dig in your ear with half a finger... then why not use it for some leverage right?

BTW... this would be number one on hubbys' wanna see my scar list... a post that i plan to put up soon.

well... daughter has a doc appointment in a little while, so i must get my stuff done before that...
mo' latah, perhaps.

Thursday, April 12, 2007


hello folks... did you miss me?
i was soo ill yesterday i couldn't stand myself. i had that migraine...which actually went away soon after the imitrex... BUT when i did eventually go back to about 830 a.m , i only slept about an hour and a half or two. no where near what i expected... or needed. so, in turn, what happened? i spent the rest of the day all depressed, and tired... and wouldn't ya know it... at about 6 p.m i got ANOTHER freakin migraine ! this time i took the shot before my head exploded. which was a good move. it went away, and i was able to get some sleep last night. but, this morning.. all three of us are sick ! sore throats, headaches (mines at least not a migraine this morning, nothing an aspirin won't knock out).. runny noses, runny throats, just blechy. and hubby is a pilot instructor.. who has to teach, and talk all day for 8 hours. that will be just great if he loses his voice. he said he had trouble yesterday talking so much. so i'm sure today will be worse.; if he can't talk...he can't teach...if he can't teach...yup you guessed it...he can't work! wonderful. and the daughter... well, she is just positive she's dying ! ugh. and me? well... it doesn't matter if mom's sick.. if the rest of the bunch is sick... y'all know... mom's last on the list for any sympathy OR care. so.. today, i have to try to get my kid to the doc.. before she thinks we don't care that she is sick... because she swears she has pneumonia, and we don't care about that! so... in all of my pain and illness around here... my alter ego is showing "itself".... see below! "my precious".

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

THIS pretty much sucks

that photo, above, would be about how i feel right now. in fact, it's how i have felt for about the last 8 hours or so. i ate dinner with a migraine, and i watched a movie with it, as it worsened, and i tried to go to sleep...for about two it only worsened even further. or tonight , technically. i didn't fall asleep til well after midnight, and it is now 245 a.m... and here i sit. still nauseas. after getting up on a mad search for my imitrex shots ! i almost gave up, and tried motrin, knowing they wouldn't touch it, but finally remembered i had seen a shot in my desk a few days ago... i looked, and voila! there it was! i promptly shoved the shot into my thigh with eager anticipation of prompt relief..which i hope to feel very soon. i also hope to be returning to bed without a headache as soon as that happens. i should have just taken a dang shot early and went to bed last night at the onset of this stupid i'm supposed to. but did i? noooo. had to cook, spend time with the family...or should i say hubby...i do have a thirteen year old who lives in her own world these days, so she pretty much ignored both of us most of the night anyways. but i did the best i could until i felt it was not too extremely early to go to bed. maybe tenish. but it still took forever to actually fall asleep.

but, i don't think i have anything major to do tomorrow, other than a few phone calls, and emails, etc, no driving or anything/ other than to school etc. so i should be able to grab a nap, which i am sure i will desperately be in need of by no later than noon. if i make it even that far. i may just take the girl to school, and go back to bed. then i can worry about my business stuff later on. man, this is crap. i knew i shoulda got off my laze last night and took a shot BEFORE bed. then i wouldn't be sitting here right now. in pain, worrying about "tomorrow"...which is actually today... in about three hours. UGH. maybe i'll be better off just staying up for a while until i get back from school, then go back to bed. would you make up my mind already?

well... i suppose i shall write later, sometime.
til then...

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

a day late and a dollar short as usual

ok, here it is... my kids' Easter present.
is it not the cutest thing ever?
i forgot about the frog in the basket with the chicks
but they all three jump up and down, and
sing... "let's go to the hop" !

OK... anyways... what else is goin on here? well, i have been sleeping later than usual... near 630-7 a.m but that is good! but, i have also been taking almost daily naps again! what is up with that? once in a while, i like a nice nap... but i do not like to be exhausted for no real reason, and HAVE to take a nap. ugh. never satisfied, am i? oh well.

so, yesterday, we did manage to get hubbys med records from his hernia surgery... and guess what... he DOESN"T have the KUGEL patch! he has another one, called the "Marlex plug patch" . again, this, is gooooood. i googled it, and no lawsuits for that company, or recalls, etc. so, hubby is ok. aside from the fact that his symptoms, must be leaning towards something else. he will just love his first colonoscopy !!!! but i think it's something he should look into. i've had one... and trust me they aint no fun at all! it's actually the "prepping" that is the worst part. ie drinking A entire gallon of the most God awful stuff you've EVER tasted... which by the way will make you puke...but you have to continue to drink the crap. (skuze the pun)... also, laxatives of two or three types... and of course the outcome.. LOL.. again.. skuze the pun! but ya... two days of THAT? OMG. the actually don't even know it's begun, til it's over! so ya. two days on the potty... and the meds etc beforehand... BLECH!
so anyways, yep, i think that will have to be his next trip to the doc. because something just is not right with this guy. BUT, at least he isn't dying from some stupid thing they put inside of him.

hmmmm, what else? i did manage to take care of some other things paying some bills, arguing with the cable company..and losing...i still had to pay almost 240.00 for freakin cable/internet !!!! i really thought it was a billing mistake. it wasn't. ACK. i think pretty soon, i just may have no cable or internet. i don't care that much about tv to pay that much stinkin money for it.
so, by the time we finished at the hospital, went to the cable place, and gave them a small fortune, we paid another bill...and right when we were on our way to get groceries... we decided that we were both just too hungry to shop. we knew we would buy a bunch of junk food that would be gone in three days... so what did we do? yep...went to lunch! it was good too...italian. a place we've never been. BUT... by the time we left the restaurant, you just KNOW i was full, tired, sore, and ready for my nap! so... we did not make it to the grocery store. at all. we are on like day four now... with little more than top ramen and bologna, and a few slices of stale bread left in this house. sooooo yep. i must go face wally hell, once again. and you know i do not want to. i think i'm gonna hire someone to go shop for me once a week! that's how much i hate it!

so ya. that's about it for now.
more latah perhaps.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

it's easter, a lazy boring easter

bbq bunny roadkill easter dinner
where's the grill?

well,actually, it's the end of easter. it's 11 pm, i'm in bed, my xanax is kickin in, and i am on the verge of what i hope to be a good night sleep. really, that's not too much to ask , is it?

today was a yet another uneventful day in the life of Soulmange. i did very much of basically nothing. my daughter had a friend spend the night last i did end up going to the mall afterall...we all 4 went. the girls went their way, and hubby and i went ours. we went and got some dinner, and got the girls an easter toy. they were so cute. i'll put up a pic tomorrow maybe. but they are the same.. a mamma bunny with a basket of Chicks, and ya press her foot and the chicks hop up and down and sing "the hop"..or some such thing. the girls love it. we didn't have time for candy...but really they are almost beyond easter basket stage anyways. so, it was fun.

anyhow, my girl finally got her pants she was having a mental attack over. what a relief. but in their shopping alone, they somehow managed to lose a bag with 16.00 worth of other stuff she bought...which will probably never be seen again. but they had fun. and the walking around actually did me some good. i wasn't in need of a hover round when we left...this time.

so anyhow, as for today...remember my going on strike yesterday? grocery shopping, etc. well, that ended up being a big mistake on my part, and it backfired miserably. because, it was about 4 pm today, when i realized... oh crap... it's like an hour away from Easter dinner....and we have NOTHING to eat. unless of course we wanted to be reduced to top ramen, or maybe salad. NOT. and, i wasn't about to go to the grocery store TODAY. so we ended up ordering dinner from our bbq place we get from sometimes...the same one from the valentines fiasco. well, it didn't take too long to get here this time, but really, it was the first time i have ever eaten bbq for Easter dinner. i think it tasted somewhat like roadkill...easter bunny roadkill! i don't think i plan to do that again. it just didn't feel right. besides cost as much as a steak might have cost. 40 bucks almost...for bbq, that really, i don't think any of us wanted to eat in the first place. but none of us wanted to get dressed up, or go that's what we did. stayed in, half dressed, and watching tv. laziness never pays. i did however wash my dishes while waiting for the food to arrive. but really, i must get to the grocery store tomorrow. or starve.

also, hubby is off work tomorrow, and has agreed to go to the hospital for his hernia records. phew. i am gonna go with him in case he needs help. but it's a start. he is pretty pissed off about the thought that he may have to go through this surgery, missing work, and being laid up and in pain all over again. but i think he is realizing the seriousness of this whole thing. so i hope we get it all roiling soon. the good part of this is...he gets paid sick leave. phew. but ya know, i'm thinking, it might not be as bad if he has to do it again. not like the first time. i think that dr. just wasn't a good dr, and didn't do it right. plus i just think it won't be as bad for some reason. at least i hope not.

anyhow. i'm tired. and tomorrow, i really have to catch up on all my crap. and i already don't want to. but , like i said, at least i did wash my three day old stackage of dishes today, so won't have to mess with that tomorrow. i also started a load of laundry that i am at this point too lazy to go put i the dryer. i know. i know. i'm lazy, and i can't get up!

anyways...what did y'all do for your Easter? I'll bet you didn't stay in your pj's all day, take a two hour noon...or order bbq for holiday dinner, or watch the sopranos, and the appretice, whilst chain-smoking. did you? i'm guessing not.

so, anyhow, i'm going to sleep...i hope.

more tomorrow..maybe.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

uncle sam.. scratch his back..while he stabs yours

ok. here i am again. i've actually been getting a little more sleep this passed couple of days...feeling a bit more human now. aside from my back hurting. it has that "ben gay" type of burning feeling again. that is so weird, and i do not like it. duh, who would? but, the extra sleep, that is a good thing. yesterday, i woke up at 4.. Midnight, my mange girl, was doin the tail flapping on the window blinds thing. i thought it was all over with when i got up to put her and sushi outside, but i got my coffee...and the next thing i know... my hubby was saying goodbye as he left for work... at 7 AM! woo hoo. that is the latest i have slept in months. literally. i can't even remember the last time i slept til 7 o'clock. but, i was in the chair, and all knotted up in a bit of a painful position. but it was some well deserved sleep regardless. and this morning, i managed to sleep til almost 630.. again, hubby saying bye leaving for work. i bet i coulda made it to 7 again, if he didn't wake me up. but the thing is... i had a major (really really major) fit one time several years ago because he was leaving for work and not saying goodbye to me, because i was asleep. so me insecure. so anyhow, now he's "afraid" i will have a mental attack and accuse him of not loving me, or worse---having an affair, if he doesn't kiss me goodbye ! crazy right? i'll admit it... i AM certified after all. but anyhow.. one of my quirks. i feel neglected if he leaves without saying bye to me. even if it does wake me up. at least i know he thinks of me. it's probably really just self preservation on his part though...poor fella. doesn't want me goin crazy lady on him... over a goodbye kiss. geesh. will i ever be normal? doubtful.

ok... so anyways. yesterday i had to go to the VA in Dallas...of all Godforsaken places for ME to be forced to drive to. traffic was hell. and of course i wasn't quite sure how to get there. thank God for "mapquest" ! but even with the freakin directions, i continually questioned myself if i was going the right way. did i pass my exit, take the wrong highway, miss my exit... etc. ooooh i just hate to drive anymore. BUT, i made it ... no major problems, except i turned the wrong way off my exit.. but realized it soon, and turned around, so i got there alright.

of course, anyone who knows the VA, or any other government organization... it was "hurry up and wait". i made sure i was there half an hour early.... but was seen... almost an hour later than my appointment time. and in my waiting... some weird older guy.. 55 ish??? just a guess, maybe a bad one, but he was balding sorta, and gray haired. so anyways. this guy decides to chat it up with me. i HATE to talk to people i don't know. absolutely hate it. especially someone i will never see again, nor will i ever want to see again. but this guy would not shut up. blab blab blab. this went on for like twenty endless minutes, until they finally called him in to see the doc. PHEW. BUT... after he saw the doc.... he came BACK, sat down and started freakin talking to me again! "go home already you freak!" man i wish i could be as rude as my thoughts sometimes. this, i don't know if it was a bad attempt to flirt with me, or if he was just lonely, or what his deal was. one would think that with my one word responses to his blabbing, would give the guy a clue...nope. i think he was high or drunk or something. he was just a strange dude. the only thing that saved me was the lady at the desk... who by the way...was literally, the nicest/sweetest person that i have EVER dealt with at any va in any state i've lived in. i wish she would have been the dr i saw for my eval. but she was just the desk lady. but anyhow, she told him "he could leave now". thank you GOD!"
so... he FINALLY left...but could he just get up and go? nooooooo. he had to tell me his name, ask mine...then extend his hand as if to shake my hand in some great new bond we had made. FREAK! ugh. but, then he was gone. forever, i hope!

i still had to wait a while longer to see the doc. and some other older guy began talking to me...this one wasn't so creepy, and not so "invasive". i didn't mind talking to him for a few minutes. we pretty much just dogged out the va med system. etc. and only for a few minutes, til the doc called me in. plus... he didn't try to "touch" me.

so.... i go in to see the doc. i did not like him, and i do not have a good feeling about what his "decision" will be in raising my claim. he was a "nurse practitioner". not even a damn doctor! he kept talking about my SPINE, blah blah. made me do all the bending and twisting...and didn't seem convinced that i actually was in pain. but i really was! i kept telling him... it isn't my SPINE. it's muscular! i told him of my diagnoses with fybromyalgia, myofacial pain, addisons', etc.... he wanted nothing to do with any of it. he said "i was told to evaluate your SPINE. "
OMG. that is why i'm here asshole....because i was not diagnosed at the time i was given the original i have a diagnosis and it is not what they have in my records/claim. (which is "limited motion in dorsal spine" UGH ) i say any of that... only the muscle and diagnoses parts. i had to be polite...don't wanna piss off a guy who has the power to give or take money from you. right? so, he does the exam; which consisted of... a few range of motion tests, then he poked my legs with a stick...i was to tell him if it was soft, or sharp. (it was a broken q side soft one sharp.)... so ... that was that. that was my evaluation to raise my disability from 10 percent.. to i don't care what...just more. oh.. then he sent me for an x-ray of my thoracic spine...which i told him... nothing ever shows up on xray.. IT"S MUSCULAR. did he care? nope... "I'M evaluating your SPINE." grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... soooo i go to xray.

after the x ray i finally headed home. very tired.... from the waiting, the stress of the lame "dr", the weird freak making me talk to him....and touching/ "shaking" my hand. that made me feel almost dirty. what a freak. i was pissed about the treatment and bluntness of the "doc", and i did not want to face the traffic again...which of course waS hell! it was like 5ish..on a DFW traffic! ohhh, but "they" gave me 11 dollars for gas. bless you uncle sam how kind.

so, now, i am in a quandry. do i jump the gun...before the xrays are back...and bitch about the NURSE PRACTITIONER deciding my claim? do i go to a civilian dr ASAP, and get some kind of evaluation by a REAL MD, to give to the VA along with this jerks OPINION. all this crap, just irritates the shit outta me.

only God knows what "label" the doc who does my psych eval will have. it'll probably be a freakin social worker ! no offense to social workers... or even nurse practitioners.... but hell..... i have a med file six inches thick of back and psych issues... and they give me a NP to evaluate my back...who by the way, didn't touch a single muscle in my back or neck. THIS eval honestly should have been done by perhaps ORTHO, or RHEUMATOLOGY... not A NURSE. OMG!
can you say FRUSTRATED?

ok... i will quit my nagging..about that at least.
but i shall move on to something i just heard..... do you know that our wonderful government of the USA .... is now, going to allow "illegal aliens/immigrants" .... emphasis on the word illegal. not even citizens of our country! they will now be allowed to apply for, and receive social security benefits ! from a country they shouldn't even BE IN !! much less a country they haven't paid taxes, or social security into. BUT THEY will get money that even our own hungry and homeless, who HAVE worked and paid their whole lives and can't get. OMG i am flamin mad over this one. WHY is it that someone can come from mexico, or china, or india, or even places we've never even heard of... and right off the bat get interest free government loans to start businesses, go to school, whatever.... and NOW even social security.... when our own citizens; many of them VETERANS, live under bridges, unable to get a job at even a gas station, or mcdonalds! it's crap !!! just plain CRAP!
pissed off much? yes i am!

yep... i suppose uncle sam is like the crazy, drunk, child molesting uncle in the family. no body wants to admit he's an asshole. just turn the blind eye over there, and deal with it. ignore it. pretend it will go away. protect the jerk, and enable him...don't tell anyone...shhhh.... because he is family after all... right? we love him. (we love our country)... so just deal with him when ya have to and pretend he doesn't exist when you don't. when all the while he's just twistin that knife in our backs. taking what he can take, no matter how it affects the rest of us. trying to get the approval of people who don't know the truth about him. everyone else (IA'S) say.. "whats wrong with good ole uncle sam... he's just as sweet as he can be... to "US." crazy. political , disorganized, two faced, BS! that what that is!

(that's just my opinion in a time of anger....) i do love my country. i served this country in the military for eight years. i would want to live no where but here... well, maybe a tropical island somewhere...but that's just a fantasy. ohhhh, ya there ya go... fantasy island. but anyhow... i'm pissed. i'm pissed that i live in pain just about every day of my life, and "they" just make it difficult for me to get any help. i must find out if i can get a lawyer to help me with this claim process. because the DAV advocate does NOTHING! what the hell is they're job anyways? i thought they were supposed to help, be your spokesperson and "advocate" perhaps? i've been dealing with this va disability stuff for 13 years.... and they do nothing to help me. nothing!

wanna hear the strangest part? social security.... they are the hardest organization to deal with, apparently...for disability money... many people are denied benefits...for years of trying...sometimes they never get their money...ya, THEIR money. but me... i got mine approved on my first attempt. but it's the VA...who won't see what is obviously disabling conditions...that ARE service connected. how F'D up is that?

ok... i guess i got right back where i said i was gonna change the subject. sorry. gotta "vent" somewhere though. right?

anyhow.. guess i'll just wait for the x ray results and go from there.

as for anything else goin on around here... that's about it. i have chores and errands...and the dreaded "wally hell" to face today. obviously, we aren't going out of town. daughter wants to go to the mall. ugh. i just took her to TWO malls on thursday after school... for her PANTS. which by the way, we never found! OMG. the girl is gonna give me a stroke if we don't find her freakin PANTS immediately if not sooner.

but... i am hoping hubby will do the mall thing, it's just not in me today. especially not on top of everything else i have to do. but... he is at work...only for a couple hours today, but i just have a feeling... he will say he's tired... or will go fishing... or something. and i will be stuck with my two "favorite" places in the world... wally hell, and the stinkin mall. somebody help me!

anybody wanna trade lives for a day or two? preferably someone in a very warm, sunny, beachy, tropical place...with a maid. oh... and a masseuse! yep one of those, at my beck and call!

speaking of warmth, and sun, and sea..... WTF is going on with this weather???? i am in texas ! in april ! and it's like 40 degrees for the HIGH???? ALL of the elements of nature and science are against me.

something very wonderful better happen today. i don't know what.. i don't even care what... i just need something great to come my way! it's that.. or about 4 xanax and a six hour nap! which will it be? this is surely a day i do not want to go face the world... but i must. i need a "mr. belvedere".

well...until later...
good day. :))


ok... it's later..only like half hour later... but guess what.... it's freakin SNOWING! snowing. i hate snow. i hate cold. and i am going nowhere today. no where. unless hubby refuses to go get me some cigs... that is the only thing getting me out of this house today. no mall, no groceries, nuthing. i am not going out there. just build me a cave somewhere. somewhere warm.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>> OKAAAAY..... yes, it's later...again. hubby came home from work a while ago. he is now asleep on the couch. after refusing to go get me some cigs. soooo, know what that means? yup. i MUST go face the cold cruel world. i do not want to! at least it stopped snowing. but anyhow, he did agree to do the mall thing with my girl. so i at least don't have to deal with that. phew. and as for the groceries...nope. not gonna do it. not today. they can eat frozen burritos, or top ramen! make me go out in the snow... HA. fend for yourself then. cuz i'm gettin my ciggies, then i'm coming home and going on STRIKE! i'm gonna get right back into my jammies, and go back to bed. no shopping, no cleaning, no nuthin!

bitchy much? ummmm yep!

Friday, April 6, 2007

hey.. PEEPS !!!!

EE ... this is for you LOL

i couldn't resist. i was just sitting here in my bordome, and remembered that my daughter got some peeps yesterday. well, i remembered your "peeps" post... then i went to get said peeps... but to my dismay there were only three left ! yes the child is a sugar junky! so anyhow, i'm wondering to myself, hmmm so now what kind of photo can i take, with only three little peeps? well... just see below... and btw... yep... i ate one! and ya know.. they ARE kinda sick ! HA i guess it's been a while since i actually ate one!


by the way... DON"T try this at home..... the sugar is kinda hard to get out of your eyes !

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

i just can't get it together

well, as you know, i figured out the you tube i decided to get the stevie ray vaughn video up. so i tried to do it by editing the page i had put the link on.. well..obviously, that didn't work the way i had thought it, it posted the video on todays date instead. so, watch it, if you care to. it really is good. no one plays like stevie!

anyhow. i actually slept a bit better last night. i woke up in a very awkward, and painful position though. my laptop was still on, and also on my lap, and i was in a sort of sitting position, with my neck all twisted and bent over. i had a migraine, and my neck felt as if it had been , well i don't know, broken? maybe. that was at about 4, as per my usual as of late. but, i was able to get all i was also wearing headphones...that were doing my ears no good at all! anyhow, i got all that crap off of me, and got in a proper sleeping position, and amazingly was able to get right back to sleep! i didn't wake up until 6:25 !!! it was a downright miracle! the gift from God that i spoke of. hubby was up, and had woken up the girl...he knew i hadn't been sleeping for a while, so let me "sleep in". what a guy. so i got up, and did the good ole morning routine. my head still hurts though, and i am still tired. seems i'd be wide awake after some sleep, but i'm not. and i'm hungry too. and as usual... do i have anything to eat in this place? NO!
i have a ton of stuff i should be doing...but i have been on my butt since i got back from taking my kid to school. i really need to be getting all my paperwork straight for the VA appt on i? NO. i should be cleaning my sty..i mean house. am i ? NO. i should be out getting some groceries..see i told you all that money i spent on food wouldn't didn't. but, am i getting food? NO. i should also be going to the PO i? nope. know what i do see in my near future? a pain pill, and a movie. and perhaps some delicious top ramen ! YUM. GAG me.

well, how special. i just got a phone call from the NIssan place. they offered to extend my car warranty. for only 600 down and whatever $ a month for 15 months, i could have an extra 40,000 on my warranty. woo hoo ! well... guess what.... i don't have no freakin 600 dollars!
but, i haggled a bit.... just for grins ya know. well, i did manage to get it down to 300 dollars down...fifteen interest blah blah blah. sounds pretty good right? especially considering the fact that i only have 46,000 miles on this car and am having some problems that could cost me a LOT more than 300 bucks to fix right now. (well the total is like 2900) but still. one of the things is my transmission, it kind of jumps when ya first go into out of park. and also... it's just plain running rough. can't pin it down yet, but a car with this few miles should not run this way. then the heater stuff that was goin on...the warranty would cover a/c and heat problems. tranny, and engine, etc. soooo. i gotta wonder. which bill should i NOT pay to get the 300 to get the warranty???? talk about robbing peter to pay paul. geesh. it would be a hundred and something a month though for over a year. just when i think i'm making some headway with these dang bills...this comes up. but i gotta think, man, if my tranny goes out, it would cost 2 or 3 grand in one pop to get that alone fixed.
i need to eat and sleep, and get rid of this headache. then i will worry about this later. but i guess my question about going to Austin on saturday has been answered. looks like we aren't goin anywhere. also looks like i won't be going fishing for a while either. oh, and wouldn't ya know it...the daughter was in actual panic mode last night over PANTS. she MUST get new pants FRIDAY....or she will DIE. God help me.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

here fishy fishy

here is a bass my hubby caught yesterday. well, i think it was yesterday, it may have been the day before. but anyhow. not bad eh? no, he didn't keep it. he just kept him long enough for the photo shoot. we "catch and release". (bass anyways...we keep catfish, etc, but we mostly bass we don't keep many fish...obviously.)

so anyhow...this is a kind of BLAH day. i think i'm just runnin out of gas. this not sleeping is really getting to me. don't know what to do about it though. but, man i tell ya. i look like shit. oh well. someone else take a nap for me?


David Usher - My Way Out


so, that means that you are stuck with me for a while. i've been layin here for 2 hours...and nuthin! my mind just spins around in circles...goin nowhere. i go to you tube, and watch videos, travel thru blogs, smoke, think, i get tired? even after 3mg of xanax? NO. too late now to take another one...i won't wake up to get my girl up for school. so i'm just better off just staying up and listening to music i guess.
well...i did tell you that i would let you know if i accomplished anything today...well, believe it or not, i actually did! i cleaned my entire kitchen, and washed all my include almost every pot , pan, and skillet that i own..even my dang crockpot...and Lord knows i hate washing crock pots! that goes back to child hood. ugh. but ya, all my dishes are clean. and i ended up finding A LOT more laundry than i even imagined i had...stupid me...looked under my childs bed..and in her closet...i was looking for my radio...but instead, i found about THREE more loads of include at least seven towels and two sets of sheets. oh i despise laundry. and dishes. but both are pretty close to done. maybe one more load of laundry to fins tomorrow. oh, and i swept and vacuumed my nasty floors. and...get this....hubby mowed the yards...and i didn't even have to ask!!!!! they look sooooo much better. i love it when he does stuff like that without me getting to the point of asking. i don't know what else i did, but i was busy allll day. and tired...but can i sleep...hell no. and i know it doesn't matter if it's it 1 or 3 by the time i fall asleep i'll be up at 4 or 5 regardless. man . i need a vacation. but it wouldn't matter...i can't sleep on vacation either, but at least i have different stuff to look at.
oh well...i just realized that it is hotter than hell in here, perhaps that has something to do with why i can't sleep. i'm gonna turn the air down, then post a video i found. i like it. maybe you will too. of course the video will be posted above this post because this thing is backwards. i wish it would go in the order ya put stuff on here, instead of opposite. oh well.
toodles :))

Sunday, April 1, 2007

some pics for your viewing pleasure

there is spot...the cat...she's phobic actually, but she loves midnight...everyone does!

that is ME..well, the back of me...with the infamous NY "Naked Cowboy"... touching my butt...right in front of my husband...who by the way...took this picture. very awkward moment i must say. but fun!

and here, is Jitterbug .... my fat cat... posing for her porn pic ! isn't she sexy?